Monday Night Wars - The Comprehensive Recap
09-15-2019
, 09:14 PM
Quote:
Doomsday Cage Match - Hulk Hogan & Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Meng, The Barbarian, Lex Luger, The Taskmaster, Z-Gangsta, & the Ultimate Solution: I sigh heavily just writing out the match participants. I made this match its own separate viewing because I felt like I needed to be fully rested just to get through it, but even as I sat down and pressed play, I feel like I just strapped myself in to a horrifying carnival ride that might kill me. Michael Buffer says that these eight men will have to come in and face "the Mega Fours." The eight enter the various cages, which are set up near the top of the ramp rather than using the normal ring. The former Zeus is now known as Z-Gangsta. Neither Z-Gangsta or Ultimate Solution actually come out. Buffer refers to Hulk and Savage as the Mega Fours two more times. Dude. Tony Schiavone questions why Brian Pillman isn't there. I'm so confused on this Pillman stuff.
Hogan and Savage enter the top cage to take on Arn and Flair. Heenan: "What a great thing for television!" The footing in this top cage isn't good, and they push down the floor (also the ceiling for the next cage) with every step they take. As you can imagine, soft footing isn't exactly going to enable great wrestling no matter what. Heenan: "This surpasses the Super Bowl, the World Series, anything. This is tremendous." Man, stop it. Incidentally, I should mention that I have zero idea what the win condition of this match is. Arn and Flair hook figure-four leglocks on the two Mega Fours, but I don't even know if submissions are available. Hell, Arn and Flair probably don't know that either.
Hogan and Savage blind Arn and Flair with salt, then open up the floor and climb down. Tony says that Hulk and Randy have made it to the next level, and Arn and Flair "are eliminated." Okay. On this next level there are two cages side by side. Hogan locks the adjoining door shut and locks Meng and the Barbarian out so that he and Savage can go 2-on-2 with Sullivan and Luger. Now Arn climbs down from the above cage and is trying to break through that door. I guess that means he's un-eliminated. I'm going to have a stroke.
Hogan and Sullivan go out on an adjoining scaffold and fight a bit. Unlike his monster truck match with The Giant, it would probably be best if Hogan didn't actually knock his opponent off a ledge here. Sullivan fights his way back up, and he and Hogan just stroll down some stairs to the next level. Let me guess, Hogan just passed another level and eliminated more opponents (unless of course they bother to follow him)? Savage is still up above. Hogan and Sullivan fight all the way to the floor. Luger and Savage join them. WTF is going on? Is the cage match still ongoing? Hulk and Taskmaster head to the ring. Hogan takes Michael Buffer's mic and uses it as a weapon. Before doing that, he should have stopped and said "Mega POWERS." Incidentally, still no sign of two of the announced opponents for Hogan for this match.
They fight back toward the cage, but just brawl on the concrete floor. As the camera pans from Savage/Luger to Hogan/Sullivan, Hogan hits Sullivan in the back with what appears to be a backpack with almost nothing in it. Heenan: "OHHHHH!" Like there was just a huge spot or something. Tony: "What was that?" Heenan: "It's like a bucket of bolts and tools and stuff." Bobby must have been drunk on warm Pepsi by this point in the night. His commentary was all kinds of bizarre. Hogan heads back to the ring with Luger. Taskmaster is still in pursuit. Tony: "Everyone else basically is gone. They've been eliminated." I'm way far from convinced that "eliminated" is even a thing in this match. Two of the participants still haven't shown up. Also the cage was escaped so long ago that I don't know what their goal is. A pin inside the ring?
All four brawl around the ring. Really basic brawling, nothing with any entertainment value. Think "worse version of that Road Warriors match just now." Here come Z-Gangsta and the Ultimate Solution, who I guess gave themselves a bye into the finals of this match while other wrestlers got eliminated or whatever. These two monsters forcibly bring Hogan and Savage back into the bottom cage within the tower of doom. Arn Anderson enters the cage as well, for I guess his second un-elimination. Flair as well. Booty Man comes out and gives frying pans (???) to Hogan and Savage. They assault everyone with them. Lex Luger un-eliminates himself and comes into the cage. Lex puts on a coal miner's glove, Flair holds Savage up for him, Savage ducks out, Lex stops his punch short, then follows through and hits Flair anyway. I certainly hope that was meant to be a thing where in kayfabe he deliberately punched Flair, because if not it's an absurd botch.
Hogan and Savage start to leave the cage for the win. Then referee Randy Anderson tells them to go back, I guess informing them that cage escape doesn't win the match. Is this real life? The ****ing booked winners went into the match NOT KNOWING THE WIN CONDITION OF THE DAMN MATCH. Basically on the referee's orders, Savage goes back in and pins Flair for a three-count so that he and Hogan can leave and have it count as a win. Possibly the worst match in the history of wrestling.
Result: Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage via pinfall (25:09)
Rating: 0*
As you can tell from the above rating, I don't do negative stars, because I would give that match all of them. Tony points out that Flair saw Savage duck and punched anyway. Heenan says it was an accident. They go back to the announce table, the Brain rants about how upset he is that Hogan won, and they sign off.
Hogan and Savage enter the top cage to take on Arn and Flair. Heenan: "What a great thing for television!" The footing in this top cage isn't good, and they push down the floor (also the ceiling for the next cage) with every step they take. As you can imagine, soft footing isn't exactly going to enable great wrestling no matter what. Heenan: "This surpasses the Super Bowl, the World Series, anything. This is tremendous." Man, stop it. Incidentally, I should mention that I have zero idea what the win condition of this match is. Arn and Flair hook figure-four leglocks on the two Mega Fours, but I don't even know if submissions are available. Hell, Arn and Flair probably don't know that either.
Hogan and Savage blind Arn and Flair with salt, then open up the floor and climb down. Tony says that Hulk and Randy have made it to the next level, and Arn and Flair "are eliminated." Okay. On this next level there are two cages side by side. Hogan locks the adjoining door shut and locks Meng and the Barbarian out so that he and Savage can go 2-on-2 with Sullivan and Luger. Now Arn climbs down from the above cage and is trying to break through that door. I guess that means he's un-eliminated. I'm going to have a stroke.
Hogan and Sullivan go out on an adjoining scaffold and fight a bit. Unlike his monster truck match with The Giant, it would probably be best if Hogan didn't actually knock his opponent off a ledge here. Sullivan fights his way back up, and he and Hogan just stroll down some stairs to the next level. Let me guess, Hogan just passed another level and eliminated more opponents (unless of course they bother to follow him)? Savage is still up above. Hogan and Sullivan fight all the way to the floor. Luger and Savage join them. WTF is going on? Is the cage match still ongoing? Hulk and Taskmaster head to the ring. Hogan takes Michael Buffer's mic and uses it as a weapon. Before doing that, he should have stopped and said "Mega POWERS." Incidentally, still no sign of two of the announced opponents for Hogan for this match.
They fight back toward the cage, but just brawl on the concrete floor. As the camera pans from Savage/Luger to Hogan/Sullivan, Hogan hits Sullivan in the back with what appears to be a backpack with almost nothing in it. Heenan: "OHHHHH!" Like there was just a huge spot or something. Tony: "What was that?" Heenan: "It's like a bucket of bolts and tools and stuff." Bobby must have been drunk on warm Pepsi by this point in the night. His commentary was all kinds of bizarre. Hogan heads back to the ring with Luger. Taskmaster is still in pursuit. Tony: "Everyone else basically is gone. They've been eliminated." I'm way far from convinced that "eliminated" is even a thing in this match. Two of the participants still haven't shown up. Also the cage was escaped so long ago that I don't know what their goal is. A pin inside the ring?
All four brawl around the ring. Really basic brawling, nothing with any entertainment value. Think "worse version of that Road Warriors match just now." Here come Z-Gangsta and the Ultimate Solution, who I guess gave themselves a bye into the finals of this match while other wrestlers got eliminated or whatever. These two monsters forcibly bring Hogan and Savage back into the bottom cage within the tower of doom. Arn Anderson enters the cage as well, for I guess his second un-elimination. Flair as well. Booty Man comes out and gives frying pans (???) to Hogan and Savage. They assault everyone with them. Lex Luger un-eliminates himself and comes into the cage. Lex puts on a coal miner's glove, Flair holds Savage up for him, Savage ducks out, Lex stops his punch short, then follows through and hits Flair anyway. I certainly hope that was meant to be a thing where in kayfabe he deliberately punched Flair, because if not it's an absurd botch.
Hogan and Savage start to leave the cage for the win. Then referee Randy Anderson tells them to go back, I guess informing them that cage escape doesn't win the match. Is this real life? The ****ing booked winners went into the match NOT KNOWING THE WIN CONDITION OF THE DAMN MATCH. Basically on the referee's orders, Savage goes back in and pins Flair for a three-count so that he and Hogan can leave and have it count as a win. Possibly the worst match in the history of wrestling.
Result: Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage via pinfall (25:09)
Rating: 0*
As you can tell from the above rating, I don't do negative stars, because I would give that match all of them. Tony points out that Flair saw Savage duck and punched anyway. Heenan says it was an accident. They go back to the announce table, the Brain rants about how upset he is that Hogan won, and they sign off.
03-17-2020
, 08:49 PM
July 28, 1997
Raw
Pittsburgh, PA
We open with a recap of last week's Raw that emanated from Canada, when the show centered around the build to an 8-man flag match. We see clips of Bret Hart brawling with Vince McMahon, the Hart Foundation having laid out Shawn Michaels in the back after Shawn falsely advertised that he would be in the match, and eventually the Harts winning the flag match when Brian Pillman appears and runs interference to stop The Undertaker from climbing and grabbing the flag.
After the opening credits, we open on squealing Hart guitars, and the Hart Foundation walks to the ring sans Jim Neidhart. Jim Ross is in the ring to interview them. He starts by saying that a hearing was held regarding Bret Hart's unprofessional behavior last week, but that the WWF thinks that it's only fair to the fans to leave Bret's title match with Undertaker intact for SummerSlam. However, Gorilla Monsoon is going to name a new Commissioner next week on Raw.
JR asks Bret for comment. Bret trolls the crowd about Mark Messier moving from New York to Vancouver recently, then points to OJ Simpson as proof that there's no justice in America. He says it's ridiculous that people are taking him literally when he said he would never wrestle in America again if he failed to take the WWF Title from Undertaker at SummerSlam. (Bret's spokesman later said that people should take him seriously but not literally, and there are rumors of him launching an exploratory committee for President.) He again compares the US to a toilet bowl, and says that if you were to give it an enema, you would stick the hose right here in Pittsburgh. Bret takes another moment to address The Patriot. He says that The Patriot walking out with Steve Austin and Shawn Michaels is like Bill Clinton walking out with The Unabomber and Richard Simmons. This is a weird damn promo. Anyway, Bret says that he's going to set one more example by challenging The Patriot tonight, then he wraps the promo.
Back at the announce table, Jerry Lawler says that Shawn Michaels will be here tonight. Also, we're getting Crush vs. Faarooq, and Ahmed Johnson is back and will ostensibly be in Faarooq's corner. Also, Los Boricuas vs. The Legion of Doom, and the debut of the Truth Commission. This…all sounds really awful.
After some insipid comments from fans on the street, we're ready (or as ready as we're going to be, given the card) for our first match.
Los Boricuas vs. The Legion of Doom: All four Boricuas come down in their gear, but it looks like we're getting Savio Vega and Miguel Perez as the two official participants. Savio controls Hawk until Hawk no-sells and fights back before tagging Animal. Savio tags Perez as well. LOD controls until Hawk misses a bad-looking dive off the top, and then he gets caught up in a heat segment as Los Boricuas isolate. Hawk eventually breaks up the heat segment by no-selling since it's all he knows how to do, but when Animal is ready to join for a Doomsday Device, the other Boricuas run in for the blatant DQ.
Result: The Legion of Doom via DQ
Now The Godwinns have arrived at ringside, and the two double-team Hawk outside the ring. Henry hits a Slop Drop on Hawk on the floor (the padded part this time), then unloads a bucket of slop on him for good measure. Jim Ross is repulsed by this act exclusively because The Godwinns aren't faces anymore.
The Boricuas also beat down Animal on the inside, so both Road Warriors are left lying.
Apparently we're getting Hunter Hearst-Helmsley vs. Vader after the break. Odd that they mentioned all that garbage in the earlier card run-down but decided this didn't merit a mention.
Before the match, Vince grabs a word with HHH. He shows highlights of HHH and Chyna brutalizing Mankind at several recent shows, prompting a promo from Hunter about his upcoming cage match with Mankind at SummerSlam. Hunter vows to show Mankind just what an animal he can be when he's locked in a cage. Then he addresses Vader and says, "You keep asking what time it is? Looks like it's Jenny Craig time to me, pal."
Hunter Hearst-Helmsley (w/ Chyna) vs. Vader (w/ Paul Bearer): Vader gets a face pop, but is still flanked by Paul Bearer. As Chyna stands facing the ramp, Mankind slips into the ring in a WWF cameraman outfit and attacks HHH with a big videocamera. He gets some good shots in until Chyna realizes what's up and goes in on the attack. This is a weird dynamic; babyface Mankind needed to launch a sneak attack to stand some chance because he can't handle Chyna?
Anyway, now I'm understanding why they didn't advertise this match, as it doesn't appear to be happening. I feel like I'm supposed to give them a minor amount of credit for not executing a bait-and-switch.
No match
Chyna had climbed the ropes, but then falls crotch-first. Mankind and HHH brawl up into the crowd as Chyna watches helplessly from the ring. Mankind appears to get the better of the crowd brawl, though much of it was obscured by the fans.
Vince cues up a pre-taped interview with the Commandant, who hypes the Truth Commission. Pass.
Brakus hype video. I truly don't know if he even made it to a televised match. He appeared to be some attempt at recreating Ludvig Borga, hopefully minus the IRL white supremacy.
Before we get started on the next match, Gorilla Monsoon comes to the ring to join in on commentary, though I'm not holding my breath for an external occipital protuberance reference. JR asks him what has compelled him to hire a new Commissioner for the WWF. Gorilla says that many of the stars of the company are out of control, and he believes a new Commissioner will rein that in.
Flash Funk, Jesse James, & Bob Holly vs. The Truth Commission (w/ The Commandant): The Truth Commission consists of Recon (later known as Bull Buchanan), Sniper, and The Interrogator (later known as Kurrgan). Flash Funk gets a bit of token offense on Recon and causes him to fall back into a tag of Sniper. Jesse James joins the fray and gets some offense on Sniper before Recon lands a cheap knee from the apron. Interrogator gets his turn, the Commission isolates James for a bit, but he manages an escape so that Bob Holly can get in on his part of this sweet enhancement action. After the tag to Holly, we end up with all six in the ring, Interrogator hits a garden-variety side salto in the mix, and despite looking like a transition move it gets a three-count here. Even Vince stammered on commentary in saying, "Uhh, that was enough!"
Result: The Truth Commission via pinfall
They give some kid a trip to SummerSlam via random phone call, then it's over to a video package where they try to hype up The Patriot Del Wilkes. Bringing in this gimmick was such an obviously silly idea given the move toward an edgier product. Shades of trying to push Bob Backlund's 1979 character as a straightforward babyface in 1993.
After a commercial, the Patriot is asked backstage about Bret Hart's challenge. He says of course he accepts the challenge, and says he doesn't like Bret Hart.
Crush (w/ DOA) vs. Faarooq (w/ the Nation of Domination, incl. Ahmed Johnson): After a staredown between the factions, they eventually step out to ringside and allow the one-on-one match to start. Crush takes an early advantage by countering Faarooq into a powerslam, but Faarooq regains control when he trips Crush by the ankle. Obviously this is a lot of boring, heatless brawling, as it has a heel vs. heel feel even if DOA are ostensibly faces who draw an entrance pop from their bikes. Faarooq gets cocky in standing over a fallen Crush, and it allows Crush to power his way up and execute an electric chair drop. Faarooq reverses an Irish whip, but drops his head early and Crush piledrives him badly. And then he totally whiffs on a big boot that Faarooq sells. As he goes to follow up, Kama trips him from the outside, the factions fill the ring, and we have a no-contest. This was every bit as boring and pointless as you imagine it was.
Result: No Contest
Los Boricuas come down and execute a group powerbomb of Crush on the steel ramp, except they take such extreme safety measures on the way down that it looks like they just gently laid him on the ground. If you can't do a spot safely without blatantly exposing the business, maybe don't do the spot?
We're onto the second hour.
WWF Tag Team Titles - Steve Austin & Dude Love (c) vs. The Godwinns: Owen and Davey are sitting ringside and doing commentary for this one. The champs dominate the Godwinns for a good while early until Dude finally makes a misstep and falls into a Godwinns heat segment. Dude finally counters with a bulldog off a corner whip and makes the hot tag to Austin. Austin destroys both Godwinns, seems to dispatch of Henry, then hits a Stunner on Phineas, but Henry is able to recover and blindside him out of the ring. Dude Love comes in after the blindside, referee Mike Chioda backs him down, and during the ref distraction Owen gets up from his ringside seat and clocks Austin with his Slammy. Seconds, and I mean seconds later, the bell rings and…Austin's been counted out? It hardly seems like Chioda would have had the chance to get Dude out of the ring and count to one. Anyway, that's the result. Gotta keep the Godwinns strong.
Result: The Godwinns via countout
The Godwinns, Hart Foundation, and Austin/Dude get in a three-way brawl at ringside, at which point LOD run down and join the fray. The faces get the better of the exchange as the heels retreat up the ramp and Austin's music blares through the arena.
After the break, we're about to start a light heavyweight match (jobber entrances for both) when Ken Shamrock's music hits and he comes to the ring carrying a folding table. And I guess we're still having the match? Okay.
Ace Darling vs. Devon Storm: This match lasts maybe 60 seconds? Devon Storm wins on a generic sunset flip, and the announcers even seem to be caught off-guard by the immediate ending. I have no idea what the point of that was.
Result: Devon Storm via pinfall
Anyway, Shamrock was just there early for an arm wrestling match with the British Bulldog I guess, and Bulldog comes down and joins him. This plays as a straight arm wrestling match for a good while, with Bulldog very slowly powering Shamrock down until Shamrock finds some power in reserve, fights back, and gains an advantage. Bulldog, on the verge of a loss, headbutts Shamrock.
He then clobbers him repeatedly with his chair, then produces a can of dog food seemingly out of thin air. He opens it up and wipes it all over Shamrock.
Before the next match, Goldust and Marlena get some mic time and do some painfully awkward taunting of Brian Pillman about the possibility of him having to wear a dress after SummerSlam.
Goldust (w/ Marlena) vs. RockaBilly (w/ Honky Tonk Man): After some early offense from RockaBilly, he drops his head too early on a backdrop attempt, allowing Goldust to hit a thrust to the throat and then knock Billy from the ring. Billy gets into a verbal confrontation with Michael Moorer at ringside, then sucker-punches Moorer, and Moorer fires back with a punch that knocks Billy's ass out. That will do it for this one. Moorer really let his appearance be wasted on RockaBilly?
Result: RockaBilly via DQ
In the meantime, Brian Pillman slips into the ring and ambushes Goldust, beating him down. Marlena jumps on his back, and I thought she was likely to end up taking a bump, but officials break the situation up. Pillman has had enough and ends up walking away.
Next we get a video package that puts over The Undertaker in a big way, with Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, and Davey Boy Smith adding comments that elevate Taker as an elite big man.
Shawn Michaels out for an in-ring interview next. Vince McMahon opens by asking Shawn if he apologizes for his comments about Canada last week. Shawn essentially goes with "LOL no," saying he doesn't ever apologize for anything. Shawn says he knows he isn't the most popular wrestler in the WWF, but that he doesn't care about winning popularity contests. Then he tells Vince that he's going to take his seat at ringside at the announce table for Bret's main event match tonight. They hyped that promo in advance, and he basically said nothing.
After commercial, the main event is here. Bret comes down, does a bit of verbal jousting with Shawn, then enters the ring and asks for a playing of O Canada. After a delay, he gets his wish. It plays in full without incident. The Patriot then comes down and asks for the Star Spangled Banner. This one does not play in full without incident, predictably enough; Bret stews for a bit before attacking the Patriot from behind. And we're off.
Bret Hart vs. The Patriot: Amusingly, they do actually finish the song while Bret is beating the crap out of Del Wilkes. I'm not sure the opening bell ever ends up ringing. After dominating the early going, Bret runs into Patriot's raised boot in the corner and launches a comeback. Bret ends up taking a powder to stop Patriot's momentum. Patriot is still in control when the show is sent to commercial break, but Bret has retaken the advantage during. He hits a Russian legsweep for two before resuming the assault.
The offense goes on for a bit longer until a sloppy spot turns into a ref bump. Bret nails a piledriver, but can only get a visual pin. Bret goes and somewhat revives referee Earl Hebner, but a subsequent pin attempt is broken up by Shawn Michaels without the referee's knowledge. Bret is livid about this, Patriot takes advantage with a distraction roll-up, and despite Hebner's slow count, the Patriot scores the pinfall. Quite a pop for a charisma vacuum; I can only chalk it up to being an anti-Bret pop.
Result: The Patriot via pinfall
Shawn taunts Bret about his loss, Bret is ready to take the bait and fight him, but The Undertaker's music hits, and both men stop in their tracks for that as the show goes off the air.
Overall: This was…fine? I wasn't particularly enthralled by it, but it wasn't bad.
---
Ratings for 7/28/97: Nitro 3.4, Raw 2.9
Ratings Running Score: Nitro 72-17-3
Better Show: Many months in between viewings of the two, but Nitro got a fairly negative review and Raw got an okay review; I guess that means Raw was the better show on the night.
Better Show Running Score: Nitro 59-33
Match of the Night: Ultimo Dragon vs. Prince Iaukea
Raw
Pittsburgh, PA
We open with a recap of last week's Raw that emanated from Canada, when the show centered around the build to an 8-man flag match. We see clips of Bret Hart brawling with Vince McMahon, the Hart Foundation having laid out Shawn Michaels in the back after Shawn falsely advertised that he would be in the match, and eventually the Harts winning the flag match when Brian Pillman appears and runs interference to stop The Undertaker from climbing and grabbing the flag.
After the opening credits, we open on squealing Hart guitars, and the Hart Foundation walks to the ring sans Jim Neidhart. Jim Ross is in the ring to interview them. He starts by saying that a hearing was held regarding Bret Hart's unprofessional behavior last week, but that the WWF thinks that it's only fair to the fans to leave Bret's title match with Undertaker intact for SummerSlam. However, Gorilla Monsoon is going to name a new Commissioner next week on Raw.
JR asks Bret for comment. Bret trolls the crowd about Mark Messier moving from New York to Vancouver recently, then points to OJ Simpson as proof that there's no justice in America. He says it's ridiculous that people are taking him literally when he said he would never wrestle in America again if he failed to take the WWF Title from Undertaker at SummerSlam. (Bret's spokesman later said that people should take him seriously but not literally, and there are rumors of him launching an exploratory committee for President.) He again compares the US to a toilet bowl, and says that if you were to give it an enema, you would stick the hose right here in Pittsburgh. Bret takes another moment to address The Patriot. He says that The Patriot walking out with Steve Austin and Shawn Michaels is like Bill Clinton walking out with The Unabomber and Richard Simmons. This is a weird damn promo. Anyway, Bret says that he's going to set one more example by challenging The Patriot tonight, then he wraps the promo.
Back at the announce table, Jerry Lawler says that Shawn Michaels will be here tonight. Also, we're getting Crush vs. Faarooq, and Ahmed Johnson is back and will ostensibly be in Faarooq's corner. Also, Los Boricuas vs. The Legion of Doom, and the debut of the Truth Commission. This…all sounds really awful.
After some insipid comments from fans on the street, we're ready (or as ready as we're going to be, given the card) for our first match.
Los Boricuas vs. The Legion of Doom: All four Boricuas come down in their gear, but it looks like we're getting Savio Vega and Miguel Perez as the two official participants. Savio controls Hawk until Hawk no-sells and fights back before tagging Animal. Savio tags Perez as well. LOD controls until Hawk misses a bad-looking dive off the top, and then he gets caught up in a heat segment as Los Boricuas isolate. Hawk eventually breaks up the heat segment by no-selling since it's all he knows how to do, but when Animal is ready to join for a Doomsday Device, the other Boricuas run in for the blatant DQ.
Result: The Legion of Doom via DQ
Now The Godwinns have arrived at ringside, and the two double-team Hawk outside the ring. Henry hits a Slop Drop on Hawk on the floor (the padded part this time), then unloads a bucket of slop on him for good measure. Jim Ross is repulsed by this act exclusively because The Godwinns aren't faces anymore.
The Boricuas also beat down Animal on the inside, so both Road Warriors are left lying.
Apparently we're getting Hunter Hearst-Helmsley vs. Vader after the break. Odd that they mentioned all that garbage in the earlier card run-down but decided this didn't merit a mention.
Before the match, Vince grabs a word with HHH. He shows highlights of HHH and Chyna brutalizing Mankind at several recent shows, prompting a promo from Hunter about his upcoming cage match with Mankind at SummerSlam. Hunter vows to show Mankind just what an animal he can be when he's locked in a cage. Then he addresses Vader and says, "You keep asking what time it is? Looks like it's Jenny Craig time to me, pal."
Hunter Hearst-Helmsley (w/ Chyna) vs. Vader (w/ Paul Bearer): Vader gets a face pop, but is still flanked by Paul Bearer. As Chyna stands facing the ramp, Mankind slips into the ring in a WWF cameraman outfit and attacks HHH with a big videocamera. He gets some good shots in until Chyna realizes what's up and goes in on the attack. This is a weird dynamic; babyface Mankind needed to launch a sneak attack to stand some chance because he can't handle Chyna?
Anyway, now I'm understanding why they didn't advertise this match, as it doesn't appear to be happening. I feel like I'm supposed to give them a minor amount of credit for not executing a bait-and-switch.
No match
Chyna had climbed the ropes, but then falls crotch-first. Mankind and HHH brawl up into the crowd as Chyna watches helplessly from the ring. Mankind appears to get the better of the crowd brawl, though much of it was obscured by the fans.
Vince cues up a pre-taped interview with the Commandant, who hypes the Truth Commission. Pass.
Brakus hype video. I truly don't know if he even made it to a televised match. He appeared to be some attempt at recreating Ludvig Borga, hopefully minus the IRL white supremacy.
Before we get started on the next match, Gorilla Monsoon comes to the ring to join in on commentary, though I'm not holding my breath for an external occipital protuberance reference. JR asks him what has compelled him to hire a new Commissioner for the WWF. Gorilla says that many of the stars of the company are out of control, and he believes a new Commissioner will rein that in.
Flash Funk, Jesse James, & Bob Holly vs. The Truth Commission (w/ The Commandant): The Truth Commission consists of Recon (later known as Bull Buchanan), Sniper, and The Interrogator (later known as Kurrgan). Flash Funk gets a bit of token offense on Recon and causes him to fall back into a tag of Sniper. Jesse James joins the fray and gets some offense on Sniper before Recon lands a cheap knee from the apron. Interrogator gets his turn, the Commission isolates James for a bit, but he manages an escape so that Bob Holly can get in on his part of this sweet enhancement action. After the tag to Holly, we end up with all six in the ring, Interrogator hits a garden-variety side salto in the mix, and despite looking like a transition move it gets a three-count here. Even Vince stammered on commentary in saying, "Uhh, that was enough!"
Result: The Truth Commission via pinfall
They give some kid a trip to SummerSlam via random phone call, then it's over to a video package where they try to hype up The Patriot Del Wilkes. Bringing in this gimmick was such an obviously silly idea given the move toward an edgier product. Shades of trying to push Bob Backlund's 1979 character as a straightforward babyface in 1993.
After a commercial, the Patriot is asked backstage about Bret Hart's challenge. He says of course he accepts the challenge, and says he doesn't like Bret Hart.
Crush (w/ DOA) vs. Faarooq (w/ the Nation of Domination, incl. Ahmed Johnson): After a staredown between the factions, they eventually step out to ringside and allow the one-on-one match to start. Crush takes an early advantage by countering Faarooq into a powerslam, but Faarooq regains control when he trips Crush by the ankle. Obviously this is a lot of boring, heatless brawling, as it has a heel vs. heel feel even if DOA are ostensibly faces who draw an entrance pop from their bikes. Faarooq gets cocky in standing over a fallen Crush, and it allows Crush to power his way up and execute an electric chair drop. Faarooq reverses an Irish whip, but drops his head early and Crush piledrives him badly. And then he totally whiffs on a big boot that Faarooq sells. As he goes to follow up, Kama trips him from the outside, the factions fill the ring, and we have a no-contest. This was every bit as boring and pointless as you imagine it was.
Result: No Contest
Los Boricuas come down and execute a group powerbomb of Crush on the steel ramp, except they take such extreme safety measures on the way down that it looks like they just gently laid him on the ground. If you can't do a spot safely without blatantly exposing the business, maybe don't do the spot?
We're onto the second hour.
WWF Tag Team Titles - Steve Austin & Dude Love (c) vs. The Godwinns: Owen and Davey are sitting ringside and doing commentary for this one. The champs dominate the Godwinns for a good while early until Dude finally makes a misstep and falls into a Godwinns heat segment. Dude finally counters with a bulldog off a corner whip and makes the hot tag to Austin. Austin destroys both Godwinns, seems to dispatch of Henry, then hits a Stunner on Phineas, but Henry is able to recover and blindside him out of the ring. Dude Love comes in after the blindside, referee Mike Chioda backs him down, and during the ref distraction Owen gets up from his ringside seat and clocks Austin with his Slammy. Seconds, and I mean seconds later, the bell rings and…Austin's been counted out? It hardly seems like Chioda would have had the chance to get Dude out of the ring and count to one. Anyway, that's the result. Gotta keep the Godwinns strong.
Result: The Godwinns via countout
The Godwinns, Hart Foundation, and Austin/Dude get in a three-way brawl at ringside, at which point LOD run down and join the fray. The faces get the better of the exchange as the heels retreat up the ramp and Austin's music blares through the arena.
After the break, we're about to start a light heavyweight match (jobber entrances for both) when Ken Shamrock's music hits and he comes to the ring carrying a folding table. And I guess we're still having the match? Okay.
Ace Darling vs. Devon Storm: This match lasts maybe 60 seconds? Devon Storm wins on a generic sunset flip, and the announcers even seem to be caught off-guard by the immediate ending. I have no idea what the point of that was.
Result: Devon Storm via pinfall
Anyway, Shamrock was just there early for an arm wrestling match with the British Bulldog I guess, and Bulldog comes down and joins him. This plays as a straight arm wrestling match for a good while, with Bulldog very slowly powering Shamrock down until Shamrock finds some power in reserve, fights back, and gains an advantage. Bulldog, on the verge of a loss, headbutts Shamrock.
He then clobbers him repeatedly with his chair, then produces a can of dog food seemingly out of thin air. He opens it up and wipes it all over Shamrock.
Before the next match, Goldust and Marlena get some mic time and do some painfully awkward taunting of Brian Pillman about the possibility of him having to wear a dress after SummerSlam.
Goldust (w/ Marlena) vs. RockaBilly (w/ Honky Tonk Man): After some early offense from RockaBilly, he drops his head too early on a backdrop attempt, allowing Goldust to hit a thrust to the throat and then knock Billy from the ring. Billy gets into a verbal confrontation with Michael Moorer at ringside, then sucker-punches Moorer, and Moorer fires back with a punch that knocks Billy's ass out. That will do it for this one. Moorer really let his appearance be wasted on RockaBilly?
Result: RockaBilly via DQ
In the meantime, Brian Pillman slips into the ring and ambushes Goldust, beating him down. Marlena jumps on his back, and I thought she was likely to end up taking a bump, but officials break the situation up. Pillman has had enough and ends up walking away.
Next we get a video package that puts over The Undertaker in a big way, with Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, and Davey Boy Smith adding comments that elevate Taker as an elite big man.
Shawn Michaels out for an in-ring interview next. Vince McMahon opens by asking Shawn if he apologizes for his comments about Canada last week. Shawn essentially goes with "LOL no," saying he doesn't ever apologize for anything. Shawn says he knows he isn't the most popular wrestler in the WWF, but that he doesn't care about winning popularity contests. Then he tells Vince that he's going to take his seat at ringside at the announce table for Bret's main event match tonight. They hyped that promo in advance, and he basically said nothing.
After commercial, the main event is here. Bret comes down, does a bit of verbal jousting with Shawn, then enters the ring and asks for a playing of O Canada. After a delay, he gets his wish. It plays in full without incident. The Patriot then comes down and asks for the Star Spangled Banner. This one does not play in full without incident, predictably enough; Bret stews for a bit before attacking the Patriot from behind. And we're off.
Bret Hart vs. The Patriot: Amusingly, they do actually finish the song while Bret is beating the crap out of Del Wilkes. I'm not sure the opening bell ever ends up ringing. After dominating the early going, Bret runs into Patriot's raised boot in the corner and launches a comeback. Bret ends up taking a powder to stop Patriot's momentum. Patriot is still in control when the show is sent to commercial break, but Bret has retaken the advantage during. He hits a Russian legsweep for two before resuming the assault.
The offense goes on for a bit longer until a sloppy spot turns into a ref bump. Bret nails a piledriver, but can only get a visual pin. Bret goes and somewhat revives referee Earl Hebner, but a subsequent pin attempt is broken up by Shawn Michaels without the referee's knowledge. Bret is livid about this, Patriot takes advantage with a distraction roll-up, and despite Hebner's slow count, the Patriot scores the pinfall. Quite a pop for a charisma vacuum; I can only chalk it up to being an anti-Bret pop.
Result: The Patriot via pinfall
Shawn taunts Bret about his loss, Bret is ready to take the bait and fight him, but The Undertaker's music hits, and both men stop in their tracks for that as the show goes off the air.
Overall: This was…fine? I wasn't particularly enthralled by it, but it wasn't bad.
---
Ratings for 7/28/97: Nitro 3.4, Raw 2.9
Ratings Running Score: Nitro 72-17-3
Better Show: Many months in between viewings of the two, but Nitro got a fairly negative review and Raw got an okay review; I guess that means Raw was the better show on the night.
Better Show Running Score: Nitro 59-33
Match of the Night: Ultimo Dragon vs. Prince Iaukea
03-17-2020
, 08:49 PM
JULY 1997 IN REVIEW
Arrivals:
WCW - N/A
WWF - The Patriot
Match of the Month: Hart Foundation vs. Team USA at Canadian Stampede
PPV of the Month: Canadian Stampede. One of the best non-majors ever.
Ratings: Nitro's streak continues.
Quality: Two decisive wins and one close win for Raw, to say nothing of WWF putting out the better PPV by a significant margin; WWF was the better company in July '97.
Gif of the Month:
Arrivals:
WCW - N/A
WWF - The Patriot
Match of the Month: Hart Foundation vs. Team USA at Canadian Stampede
PPV of the Month: Canadian Stampede. One of the best non-majors ever.
Ratings: Nitro's streak continues.
Quality: Two decisive wins and one close win for Raw, to say nothing of WWF putting out the better PPV by a significant margin; WWF was the better company in July '97.
Gif of the Month:
03-19-2020
, 09:53 AM
04-26-2020
, 08:59 PM
WWF SUMMERSLAM '97
East Rutherford, NJ
The event cold-opens on the Star Spangled Banner in the arena. Tonight's headlining American hero is a zombie who, aside from stepping in as Lex Luger's replacement partner at Survivor Series '93 and opening his trenchcoat to reveal the Betsy Ross flag, has never exhibited any particular love for America.
We get a video package to properly kick off an event with a theme of "life isn't fair." It's a forgettable package. TWSS.
Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and Jerry Lawler are on the call tonight.
Steel Cage Match - Hunter Hearst-Helmsley (w/ Chyna) vs. Mankind: The eerie Mankind music isn't the most conducive to crowd pops, but he gets a pretty strong one anyway. Hunter attempts an out-the-door cage escape at the opening bell, but strangely it doesn't work out for him; Mankind catches up with him, and it leaves him in a position of advantage to continue on offense. This advantage continues until Chyna is able to get involved from the outside, choking Makind from behind with a leather belt from outside the ring. Still, Mankind is able to return to the offensive soon enough, hitting a clothesline and seeming to have an opening for an over-the-top cage escape until Chyna climbs up also and stops him in his tracks with a low blow. HHH takes advantage of the situation by superplexing Mankind from the top of the cage.
He has an easy cage escape, then decides to stop and go back inside to exact more punishment. He slams Mankind into one end of the cage and then the other. He continues with methodical (read: boring) offense until he seems to have enough of an advantage to escape over the top, but Mankind catches up with him and drags him back in. Advantage Mankind for a moment, but again Chyna runs interference by clocking him with a right hand through one of the cage's openings. After HHH jaw-jacks Mankind with his knee, Mankind blocks a suplex attempt and does a cool spot where he lifts Hunter up like in a suplex and ends up setting him up on the cage for a modified tree of woe, at which point he gets a running start and clobbers him.
Mankind controls for a bit until Helmsley backdrops him into the cage. This thing was boring early, but it has slowly picked up with some fun spots. The two climb the cage and exchange punches near the top, leading HHH to slip and get crotched along the top rope, but in the process Foley falls back down into the ring as well. As HHH gets down from being crotched, his leg gets twisted up in the ropes. Foley appears to have an easy escape out the door until Chyna runs up and slams the door on his face. She proceeds to put the referee out, then feeds a chair into the ring.
Our run of fun spots when instead Chyna climbs the cage and telegraphs that she's just going to hang out there for no reason until Mankind counters and catapults HHH into her. That finally puts her out of the mix for at least a bit. Mankind follows with a double-arm DDT on the chair. Mankind very, very slowly climbs out of the ring, is on the other side of the cage, only needs to drop down, but instead of dropping down he sheds his mask and climbs back up. He perches at the top of the cage, rips open his shirt, and hits the big elbow on Helmsley from there.
He slowly climbs out of the cage. Chyna tries to drag HHH out first, but she's too late; Mankind finally drops down and wins. This was uneven, but fine I guess. In a nod to Foley ripping his shirt open, the Mankind music gives way to the Dude Love theme.
Result: Mankind via cage escape
Rating: **1/2
We move on to some truly weird ****, as Todd Pettengill gives an energetic introduction to New Jersey Governor Christie Todd Whitman. He talks about how she has brought New Jersey back to prominence or some **** like that. Then he has her come out with The Headbangers and Gorilla Monsoon. After the glowing introduction, the East Rutherford faithful boo the **** out of her. Gorilla Monsoon gives her a replica WWF Title belt. This whole thing is a celebration of her cutting WWF's taxes so that they would be willing to come do a show here. Mind you, I'm not being conspiratorial: they make their motive for celebrating her 100% explicit. The whole thing is surreal. Moving on…
Before the next match, we see Tiger Ali Singh in the audience. Predicting big things for this up-and-comer!
Goldust (w/ Marlena) vs. Brian Pillman: So again, the stipulation is that if Goldust wins, Brian Pillman will be forced to wear a dress on Raw. Maybe they did the baby bottle match back at IYH 6 just so this would seem less embarrassing. Pillman jumps Goldust before the bell as Goldust is helping Marlena from the ring, and we're off. Goldust reverses the momentum with a jumping back elbow. Pillman tries to fight back with an atomic drop, but Goldust escapes to his feet and then plants a kiss on Pillman. Pillman regains the advantage and fires off some rudimentary offense. Vince gives him the "not a lot of scientific wrestling from Brian Pillman" treatment, with the particularly sad part being that he was right at this stage in Pillman's career.
Pillman slips out of the ring and gives chase to Marlena, which allows Goldust to ambush him with a hard clothesline. He mostly keeps the advantage for a bit, ending up botching what was clearly supposed to be a throw that would crotch Pillman along the top; he misses, and Pillman spills out to the floor. Pillman does hit a DDT out on the floor when Goldust follows him out though, and he's back in the driver's seat. We get a lengthy rest hold from Pillman, Goldust fights out and traps him in a backslide, but Pillman slips out and hits a hard clothesline. The two trade rights, Goldust eventually getting the better of it. Goldy tries to follow with a bulldog, but Pillman counters and throws him off, sending him out of the ring entirely. Goldust tries a completely horrible sunset flip from the apron, and then the two guys decide to set off on a prolonged adventure to try to salvage the spot? WTF? Oh…because this is the ending. And no, I don't think there's much of any chance that was a planned botch. Pillman struggles his way over toward the ropes, Marlena clubs him with her purse, and Goldust scores the pin. The epic struggle to salvage the unsalvageable spot goes on for far too long to make a gif that won't break the internet, so you'll just have to use your imagination.
Result: Goldust via pinfall
Rating: *
Marlena rolls a mannequin into the ring. It's wearing the gold dress that Pillman is going to have to wear on Raw. Pillman throws a tantrum. I'm not interested.
The Godwinns vs. Legion of Doom: Incidentally, I enjoy the fact that the Godwinns turning heel necessitated that they stop wearing shirts. LOD controls the start of the match and clears the ring. After the match properly resets, Animal continues to dominate, eventually getting the better of a 1-on-2 to clear the ring again. Godwinns regroup, are set to deal with Hawk as the new legal man, and Henry gets some offense in before Hawk turns the tide back in the Legion's favor. Henry is able to turn the tide for long enough to tag Phineas, and it looks like Hawk will fall into a heat segment, but Henry allows him the space to back away and tag Animal.
Henry clotheslines Animal over the top to the floor, and upon attempted re-entry gets knocked back down into the barricade. After the second fall, we see a shot of Lou Albano in a ringside seat, and we get the usual announcer spiel about what a legendary tag team manager Captain Lou was. Anyway, here's our actual heat segment, with Animal being the babyface in peril. Phineas traps Animal in a bearhug, and Animal's arm drops twice, but he finds the adrenaline on the third drop. His attempted comeback is quelled though, and the Godwinns maintain control. Animal finally connects on a clothesline that allows him to make the hot tag to Hawk. Hawk dominates until Phineas breaks up Hawk's pin attempt on Henry. Enter Animal, who clears Henry out of the ring. Hawk scales the ropes for the Doomsday Device, Henry re-enters and sort of breaks it up - though Phineas still eats a top-rope clothesline, just not from an elevated position - but the LOD answers by hitting a spike piledriver on Henry for the win. This was dull. Babyface LOD started the feud by accidentally breaking a Godwinn's neck, and ends the feud by trying to purposely break it again.
Result: Legion of Doom via pinfall
Rating: *
Next we're treated to an interminable segment where they try to give away a million dollars.
The segment eventually ends.
British Bulldog vs. Ken Shamrock: This has the dumb stip of Bulldog eating dog food if he loses. Shamrock enters, the two go straight into fisticuffs, the fight spills to the floor for a moment before returning inside. Bulldog is quickly into a rope break off an early Shamrock ankle lock, but Shamrock keeps his early advantage going. Bulldog eventually turns the tables with a raised boot on a corner charge, following shortly after with a delayed suplex. After a Bulldog rest hold, Shamrock gets a near-fall on a sunset flip, but Bulldog hits a clothesline and generally retains the edge. Shamrock appears to have suffered a busted lip, as he splits blood out. Bulldog mercilessly sends him careening into the ringpost before following him outside and whipping him hard into the steel steps.
Bulldog attempts a DDT on the floor and botches badly enough that I'm not sure if he was supposed to succeed with the move or not; my sense is that the workers weren't clear on this fact either. Bulldog slams Shamrock on the floor. He then grabs a can of dog food from ringside and shoves some of the food in Shamrock's face, which causes Shamrock to awaken and snap. He grabs the can and hits Bulldog in the face with it, which immediately causes a bell for the disqualification. I mean…it was an outside object I guess, but a half-empty can of dog food? Weak ending. This match wasn't too bad until that point, but the finish sucks.
Result: British Bulldog via DQ
Rating: **
Shamrock chokes bulldog out in the middle of the ring. Officials can't get him off. The announcers turn sympathetic to Bulldog and act like Shamrock is going way too far. Shamrock eventually releases the hold, then delivers belly-to-belly suplexes to Pat Patterson, Jerry Brisco, Jack Doan, and Earl Hebner as the rest of the officials head for higher ground. Crowd pops for Shamrock as one fan holds up a sign saying, "Nice ass, Crush!" Shamrock lets out a wild primal scream, which will prove to end up in a many-way tie for Shamrock's best promo of his wrestling career.
Todd Pettengill interviews Shawn Michaels, who shows indignance at continuing to be asked about his partiality as a referee, and says he'll call the main event right down the middle tonight.
I sigh heavily as we see a video package to hype the forthcoming DOA vs. Los Boricuas match. Both of these factions were worse than Right to Censor.
DOA vs. Los Boricuas: I mean, I'm really supposed to watch this? Fine. But I'm not typing until either something interesting happens or the match ends, more likely the latter.
After some back-and-forth between the teams, the crowd rises and the Nation of Domination walks through them to stand ringside. They remain uninvolved until a point in the match when things break down into an 8-way melee between DOA and Los Boricuas, and Chainz (celebrating the three-year anniversary of main eventing SummerSlam) gets sent out to the floor and decides to take a swing at Ahmed Johnson. Ahmed fights back hard, you see that part of the mat has been torn up near him, and he sets for a Pearl River Plunge…the thought of specifically Ahmed doing that move on the concrete is absolutely horrifying, but he ends up not really doing it on the concrete, and he actually uncharacteristically appears to protect Chainz well during the move (which makes the move look like crap, but it's better than breaking a guy's head).
Savio seizes on the opening, rolls Chainz back inside, Miguel Perez hits an elbow, makes the cover, and Los Boricuas head to the pay window. Less bad than I would have expected.
Result: Los Boricuas via pinfall
Rating: *3/4
DOA and NOD brawl to the back.
We transition to a video package hyping the match that would change history, Owen Hart defending the Intercontinental Title against Steve Austin. In this match, if Austin didn't win the title - not just win the match, mind you, but win the title outright - he would kiss Owen's ass. What a brutal stipulation, as WWF basically gave away that it was 100% certain that Owen would job the title away here. That was the foreseeable fatal flaw of this stipulation. The unforeseeable part would be that when things went sideways, they didn't leave themselves much of any room to audible to a safer ending to the match. Here we go.
Intercontinental Title - Owen Hart (c) vs. Steve Austin: Champ out first. Michael Cole tries to get a word with Austin as he makes his way to gorilla, but Austin just cusses him out and moves on. When Austin gets to the ring and flips Owen a double bird, Owen takes the next opportunity to ambush him. He drags Austin to the corner and hammers his knee into the post. His early ill-gotten advantage doesn't last too long though, as Austin reverses the momentum and sends Owen sternum-first into the turnbuckle. He chokes Owen against the bottom rope and tries to drop a leg on him; Owen ducks, but Austin safely bounces off and keeps attacking.
Loud "Austin" and then "USA" chants as Austin works an arm-wringer. This arm work continues for a while, despite the fact that none of Owen's go-to moves heavily rely on his arms. Austin does try to move to a more sensible limb by dragging Owen toward the corner, but Owen finds the leg strength to forcibly pull Austin head-first into the post. Owen goes out and slams Austin's hand on the steel steps, then gets up and stomps on it a couple of times. He returns him to the ring and keeps working Austin's hand, actually looking like he's trying to pull Austin's middle finger further back than it can go. He ties Austin up in the ropes and gets a running start, but Austin frees himself in time to hit a stun gun. Stone Cold counters the subsequent hurracanrana attempt into a powerbomb, then clotheslines Owen hard over the top to the floor.
Owen has had enough and starts to walk off to accept the countout. Which, under this match's stipulations, would entitle him to drop his trunks and make Austin kiss his ass. Stupid. Austin chases him down and returns him to the ring. Austin tries to resume the attack, but Owen counters into his quick belly-to-belly suplex. He follows directly with a neckbreaker, then drops a knee and gets a two-count. Scoop slam and a top-rope elbow connect; another two-count. Owen whips Austin into the corner, and Austin bounces out with a hard clothesline. He attempts to apply the Sharpshooter, but Owen forcefully kicks him off. Austin sends Owen into the ropes, Owen jumps onto the second turnbuckle and launches back off with a cross-body; Austin rolls through and gets a near-fall. Owen answers with a beautiful bridging German suplex for his own near-fall.
Jim Ross makes a note that the real story of this match might be Austin's neck; JR's most prescient comment since "that's gonna be the man right there" as The Rock entered at Survivor Series '96. Owen puts Austin down with a pretty soft DDT for another two-count. Owen cinches in a reverse chinlock, Austin works his way out of it and back to his feet, the two trade sleepers, and the sequence ends with Austin dropping down with a jawbreaker to break Owen's sleeper. Owen catches Austin's subsequent top-rope attempt with a punch to the gut, then goes back to the chinlock. Both men rest for a while in this until referee Earl hebner catches Owen getting leverage off the ropes and breaks the hold.
Owen argues with Hebner, Austin turns him around and whips him off the ropes, looks to be trying for a tombstone, but Owen escapes, counters, gets Austin up for his own tombstone, and…plants him. Badly. Really badly. Earl Hebner knows what he just saw.
Austin would later say that he had asked Owen to do this tombstone spot by dropping to his knees, considering it safer, and Owen insisted on sitting down. Obviously Owen was one of the best, and botches happen to the best, but this was inexcusable.
Austin clearly communicates to Owen that Owen needs to stand down. Owen doesn't hide his concern well. He paces around the ring yelling that Austin is gonna have to kiss his ass, while Hebner stands over Austin and talks to him. Vince is horrified on commentary. Ross notes that at least Austin's legs are moving, so he says that maybe this is a stinger. Owen ultimately walks away, playing to the crowd, turns his back, and Austin crawls gingerly over and does a really weak schoolboy that Owen falls into, and stays down for the pin in an understandably awful-looking ending. He actually tries to demonstrate something of an attempted kickout, which Austin later said was a moment that worsened the neck injury.
Result: "…and NEW World Wrestling federation Intercontinental Champion," Steve Austin via pinfall
Rating: ***1/2
Several officials help Austin to his feet and hand him the belt. Austin holds up the belt, initially shows resistance to the officials' help, but ultimately wisely allows them to help him walk to the back.
Video package next for the coming main event between The Undertaker and Bret Hart, featuring Shawn Michaels as guest referee. If Bret doesn't win, he won't wrestle in the USA again. If Shawn Michaels jerks Bret around, he won't either. The stipulations here didn't make the ending as obvious as the Owen/Austin stip IMO.
WWF Title - The Undertaker (c) vs. Bret Hart (Guest Referee Shawn Michaels): There's extensive pre-match goings-on, none worthy of any note. Eventually, as Michaels holds Taker's belt up to signify the start of a title match, Bret rips it away and ambushes Taker with it, then continues on offense as the opening bell sounds. Bret works Taker into the corner, but Taker promptly begins no-selling and takes the fight back to Bret, causing the Hitman to roll out for a breather. Taker isn't having it, following him out and slamming him into the guardrail. Taker eventually loses the advantage when Bret dodges a charge toward the post, running into it himself instead; Bret then whips him hard into the adjacent steps.
Bret breaks the count before returning outside, and Taker has sufficiently recovered to pick Bret up and twice run him into the steel post. The match finally returns inside, and Taker works the back with a series of moves to try to weaken it. Vince comments that Steve Austin has been taken to the hospital. He then offers that it has been said to be a result of the piledriver he took, but that he thinks it's about a lot of things that happened before the piledriver. Right. UT keeps working Bret's back with a bearhug; Bret finally bites his way free, but then runs straight into a big boot by the dead man. Taker misses with an elbow, then finally loses the advantage when Bret sidesteps a big boot and starts kicking low to try to take Taker's leg out from under him.
The leg work continues for a good while, the natural psychology for Bret - especially when taking on a much larger man. As Bret has Taker in a leg grapevine, we see Paul Bearer come through the entrance and stroll leisurely to the ring. Taker spots him and gives him an evil eye, but he's still stuck in the grapevine. Vince wonders aloud if tonight may be the night that we see Kane.
After Taker forces a rope break, he slams Bret's knee into the mat several times before rolling out of the ring to attack Bearer. He gets some shots in, but Bret ends up capitalizing by following Taker out and clobbering him from behind. A gaggle of officials shows up to help Bearer up and then to escort him away. Bret resumes the limb work by slapping on the figure-four along the ringpost. Michaels applies the five-count, and Bret releases on four.
As the match returns inside, we see Owen Hart and Brian Pillman show up at ringside; they watch on approvingly as Bret continues the fairly tedious leg work. "Tedious" is a whole feeling at this point in the match; match has generally been boring as ****. I don't think Bret and Taker ever really succeeded in putting on a good match. Taker suddenly bails out of the ring and attacks Owen and Pillman. Shawn goes out and ejects Owen and Pillman, I guess for being attacked. As he's out mopping that situation up, Taker hits a chokeslam on the inside and covers Bret for a visual pin that Shawn isn't there to count. As Taker confronts Shawn, Bret capitalizes with a rollup that Shawn does promptly count, and we get a believable near-fall. Taker is pissed, knocks Bret from the ring, and threatens Shawn.
When the champ leaves the ring to pursue Bret, Bret gets the better of the exchange, picking him up and slamming him back-first into the post. Now it's Bret's turn to work the back at length. These sequences of working a body part aren't being paid off in any way so far, not even through the wrestlers noticeably selling them. Taker eventually counters Bret's offense with a stun gun in the corner that achieves a two-count. Bret fights back with his signature Russian legsweep. Legdrop. He goes for the Sharpshooter, but Taker blocks, exercising the big reach to grab Bret by the throat. He gets his footing back, hits a kick to the gut, and attempts a chokeslam, but Bret counters. Taker back at him with (pure) strikes. Bret takes the sternum-first corner bump off an Irish whip. Big boot and a legdrop by Undertaker; close two-count. Bret tries to escape to the apron, but Taker grabs him in a chokeslam, pulling him up over the ropes and slamming him down into the ring. Just a two-count again.
Taker tries to do the tightrope walk while holding Bret's arm, but Bret is able to land a strike that crotches the dead man along the top. Bret struggles to get the job done, but he succeeds in landing the superplex. He's slow to get up, but eventually does, and this time succeeds in slapping on the Sharpshooter. He's got it on square in the middle of the ring, but Undertaker finds the reserves to just power out of the move, launching Bret all the way out of the ring with the momentum of the escape. Bret angrily storms back into the ring, but Undertaker puts him down with a clothesline.
A throat-slash later, Undertaker lifts Bret for the tombstone, but Bret escapes behind him and drags him to the corner. He now attempts to apply a Sharpshooter along the turnbuckle as Shawn lays the count on, but Undertaker kicks him off, and Bret bumps into Shawn. Random collisions hurt more when you wear stripes, so Shawn has to stay down over this minor bump. Bret returns to the ring, hits Taker squarely with a steel chair, then discards the chair. It's not at all believable that Shawn would have missed this. Shawn slowly recovers and makes his way in, but the late start only gets him to a two-count.
As Bret returns to the attack, Shawn notices the chair that Bret discarded in the corner, and he confronts him with it. Bret feigns ignorance and tries to go back to stomping on Taker, but Michaels isn't having it. Bret spits in Michaels's face, Michaels fires off with a chair shot, but Bret ducks and it hits Taker. Michaels is stunned by what he just did, but he gets down and counts to three. Boring match, but a fun ending.
Result: "…and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion," Bret Hart via pinfall
Rating: **1/4
Bret celebrates in the middle of the ring to huge heat. He drapes himself in the Canadian flag as the Hart Foundation comes to the ring and joins the celebration.
Overall: Show mostly sucks. Austin vs. Owen was a good match until it wasn't, but it's hard to look past that ending. Nothing else really resembled a good match, though I suppose Mankind vs. HHH was half-decent. I think people kind of like this show? I never really have, and this viewing was worse than what I remembered.
East Rutherford, NJ
The event cold-opens on the Star Spangled Banner in the arena. Tonight's headlining American hero is a zombie who, aside from stepping in as Lex Luger's replacement partner at Survivor Series '93 and opening his trenchcoat to reveal the Betsy Ross flag, has never exhibited any particular love for America.
We get a video package to properly kick off an event with a theme of "life isn't fair." It's a forgettable package. TWSS.
Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and Jerry Lawler are on the call tonight.
Steel Cage Match - Hunter Hearst-Helmsley (w/ Chyna) vs. Mankind: The eerie Mankind music isn't the most conducive to crowd pops, but he gets a pretty strong one anyway. Hunter attempts an out-the-door cage escape at the opening bell, but strangely it doesn't work out for him; Mankind catches up with him, and it leaves him in a position of advantage to continue on offense. This advantage continues until Chyna is able to get involved from the outside, choking Makind from behind with a leather belt from outside the ring. Still, Mankind is able to return to the offensive soon enough, hitting a clothesline and seeming to have an opening for an over-the-top cage escape until Chyna climbs up also and stops him in his tracks with a low blow. HHH takes advantage of the situation by superplexing Mankind from the top of the cage.
He has an easy cage escape, then decides to stop and go back inside to exact more punishment. He slams Mankind into one end of the cage and then the other. He continues with methodical (read: boring) offense until he seems to have enough of an advantage to escape over the top, but Mankind catches up with him and drags him back in. Advantage Mankind for a moment, but again Chyna runs interference by clocking him with a right hand through one of the cage's openings. After HHH jaw-jacks Mankind with his knee, Mankind blocks a suplex attempt and does a cool spot where he lifts Hunter up like in a suplex and ends up setting him up on the cage for a modified tree of woe, at which point he gets a running start and clobbers him.
Mankind controls for a bit until Helmsley backdrops him into the cage. This thing was boring early, but it has slowly picked up with some fun spots. The two climb the cage and exchange punches near the top, leading HHH to slip and get crotched along the top rope, but in the process Foley falls back down into the ring as well. As HHH gets down from being crotched, his leg gets twisted up in the ropes. Foley appears to have an easy escape out the door until Chyna runs up and slams the door on his face. She proceeds to put the referee out, then feeds a chair into the ring.
Our run of fun spots when instead Chyna climbs the cage and telegraphs that she's just going to hang out there for no reason until Mankind counters and catapults HHH into her. That finally puts her out of the mix for at least a bit. Mankind follows with a double-arm DDT on the chair. Mankind very, very slowly climbs out of the ring, is on the other side of the cage, only needs to drop down, but instead of dropping down he sheds his mask and climbs back up. He perches at the top of the cage, rips open his shirt, and hits the big elbow on Helmsley from there.
He slowly climbs out of the cage. Chyna tries to drag HHH out first, but she's too late; Mankind finally drops down and wins. This was uneven, but fine I guess. In a nod to Foley ripping his shirt open, the Mankind music gives way to the Dude Love theme.
Result: Mankind via cage escape
Rating: **1/2
We move on to some truly weird ****, as Todd Pettengill gives an energetic introduction to New Jersey Governor Christie Todd Whitman. He talks about how she has brought New Jersey back to prominence or some **** like that. Then he has her come out with The Headbangers and Gorilla Monsoon. After the glowing introduction, the East Rutherford faithful boo the **** out of her. Gorilla Monsoon gives her a replica WWF Title belt. This whole thing is a celebration of her cutting WWF's taxes so that they would be willing to come do a show here. Mind you, I'm not being conspiratorial: they make their motive for celebrating her 100% explicit. The whole thing is surreal. Moving on…
Before the next match, we see Tiger Ali Singh in the audience. Predicting big things for this up-and-comer!
Goldust (w/ Marlena) vs. Brian Pillman: So again, the stipulation is that if Goldust wins, Brian Pillman will be forced to wear a dress on Raw. Maybe they did the baby bottle match back at IYH 6 just so this would seem less embarrassing. Pillman jumps Goldust before the bell as Goldust is helping Marlena from the ring, and we're off. Goldust reverses the momentum with a jumping back elbow. Pillman tries to fight back with an atomic drop, but Goldust escapes to his feet and then plants a kiss on Pillman. Pillman regains the advantage and fires off some rudimentary offense. Vince gives him the "not a lot of scientific wrestling from Brian Pillman" treatment, with the particularly sad part being that he was right at this stage in Pillman's career.
Pillman slips out of the ring and gives chase to Marlena, which allows Goldust to ambush him with a hard clothesline. He mostly keeps the advantage for a bit, ending up botching what was clearly supposed to be a throw that would crotch Pillman along the top; he misses, and Pillman spills out to the floor. Pillman does hit a DDT out on the floor when Goldust follows him out though, and he's back in the driver's seat. We get a lengthy rest hold from Pillman, Goldust fights out and traps him in a backslide, but Pillman slips out and hits a hard clothesline. The two trade rights, Goldust eventually getting the better of it. Goldy tries to follow with a bulldog, but Pillman counters and throws him off, sending him out of the ring entirely. Goldust tries a completely horrible sunset flip from the apron, and then the two guys decide to set off on a prolonged adventure to try to salvage the spot? WTF? Oh…because this is the ending. And no, I don't think there's much of any chance that was a planned botch. Pillman struggles his way over toward the ropes, Marlena clubs him with her purse, and Goldust scores the pin. The epic struggle to salvage the unsalvageable spot goes on for far too long to make a gif that won't break the internet, so you'll just have to use your imagination.
Result: Goldust via pinfall
Rating: *
Marlena rolls a mannequin into the ring. It's wearing the gold dress that Pillman is going to have to wear on Raw. Pillman throws a tantrum. I'm not interested.
The Godwinns vs. Legion of Doom: Incidentally, I enjoy the fact that the Godwinns turning heel necessitated that they stop wearing shirts. LOD controls the start of the match and clears the ring. After the match properly resets, Animal continues to dominate, eventually getting the better of a 1-on-2 to clear the ring again. Godwinns regroup, are set to deal with Hawk as the new legal man, and Henry gets some offense in before Hawk turns the tide back in the Legion's favor. Henry is able to turn the tide for long enough to tag Phineas, and it looks like Hawk will fall into a heat segment, but Henry allows him the space to back away and tag Animal.
Henry clotheslines Animal over the top to the floor, and upon attempted re-entry gets knocked back down into the barricade. After the second fall, we see a shot of Lou Albano in a ringside seat, and we get the usual announcer spiel about what a legendary tag team manager Captain Lou was. Anyway, here's our actual heat segment, with Animal being the babyface in peril. Phineas traps Animal in a bearhug, and Animal's arm drops twice, but he finds the adrenaline on the third drop. His attempted comeback is quelled though, and the Godwinns maintain control. Animal finally connects on a clothesline that allows him to make the hot tag to Hawk. Hawk dominates until Phineas breaks up Hawk's pin attempt on Henry. Enter Animal, who clears Henry out of the ring. Hawk scales the ropes for the Doomsday Device, Henry re-enters and sort of breaks it up - though Phineas still eats a top-rope clothesline, just not from an elevated position - but the LOD answers by hitting a spike piledriver on Henry for the win. This was dull. Babyface LOD started the feud by accidentally breaking a Godwinn's neck, and ends the feud by trying to purposely break it again.
Result: Legion of Doom via pinfall
Rating: *
Next we're treated to an interminable segment where they try to give away a million dollars.
The segment eventually ends.
British Bulldog vs. Ken Shamrock: This has the dumb stip of Bulldog eating dog food if he loses. Shamrock enters, the two go straight into fisticuffs, the fight spills to the floor for a moment before returning inside. Bulldog is quickly into a rope break off an early Shamrock ankle lock, but Shamrock keeps his early advantage going. Bulldog eventually turns the tables with a raised boot on a corner charge, following shortly after with a delayed suplex. After a Bulldog rest hold, Shamrock gets a near-fall on a sunset flip, but Bulldog hits a clothesline and generally retains the edge. Shamrock appears to have suffered a busted lip, as he splits blood out. Bulldog mercilessly sends him careening into the ringpost before following him outside and whipping him hard into the steel steps.
Bulldog attempts a DDT on the floor and botches badly enough that I'm not sure if he was supposed to succeed with the move or not; my sense is that the workers weren't clear on this fact either. Bulldog slams Shamrock on the floor. He then grabs a can of dog food from ringside and shoves some of the food in Shamrock's face, which causes Shamrock to awaken and snap. He grabs the can and hits Bulldog in the face with it, which immediately causes a bell for the disqualification. I mean…it was an outside object I guess, but a half-empty can of dog food? Weak ending. This match wasn't too bad until that point, but the finish sucks.
Result: British Bulldog via DQ
Rating: **
Shamrock chokes bulldog out in the middle of the ring. Officials can't get him off. The announcers turn sympathetic to Bulldog and act like Shamrock is going way too far. Shamrock eventually releases the hold, then delivers belly-to-belly suplexes to Pat Patterson, Jerry Brisco, Jack Doan, and Earl Hebner as the rest of the officials head for higher ground. Crowd pops for Shamrock as one fan holds up a sign saying, "Nice ass, Crush!" Shamrock lets out a wild primal scream, which will prove to end up in a many-way tie for Shamrock's best promo of his wrestling career.
Todd Pettengill interviews Shawn Michaels, who shows indignance at continuing to be asked about his partiality as a referee, and says he'll call the main event right down the middle tonight.
I sigh heavily as we see a video package to hype the forthcoming DOA vs. Los Boricuas match. Both of these factions were worse than Right to Censor.
DOA vs. Los Boricuas: I mean, I'm really supposed to watch this? Fine. But I'm not typing until either something interesting happens or the match ends, more likely the latter.
After some back-and-forth between the teams, the crowd rises and the Nation of Domination walks through them to stand ringside. They remain uninvolved until a point in the match when things break down into an 8-way melee between DOA and Los Boricuas, and Chainz (celebrating the three-year anniversary of main eventing SummerSlam) gets sent out to the floor and decides to take a swing at Ahmed Johnson. Ahmed fights back hard, you see that part of the mat has been torn up near him, and he sets for a Pearl River Plunge…the thought of specifically Ahmed doing that move on the concrete is absolutely horrifying, but he ends up not really doing it on the concrete, and he actually uncharacteristically appears to protect Chainz well during the move (which makes the move look like crap, but it's better than breaking a guy's head).
Savio seizes on the opening, rolls Chainz back inside, Miguel Perez hits an elbow, makes the cover, and Los Boricuas head to the pay window. Less bad than I would have expected.
Result: Los Boricuas via pinfall
Rating: *3/4
DOA and NOD brawl to the back.
We transition to a video package hyping the match that would change history, Owen Hart defending the Intercontinental Title against Steve Austin. In this match, if Austin didn't win the title - not just win the match, mind you, but win the title outright - he would kiss Owen's ass. What a brutal stipulation, as WWF basically gave away that it was 100% certain that Owen would job the title away here. That was the foreseeable fatal flaw of this stipulation. The unforeseeable part would be that when things went sideways, they didn't leave themselves much of any room to audible to a safer ending to the match. Here we go.
Intercontinental Title - Owen Hart (c) vs. Steve Austin: Champ out first. Michael Cole tries to get a word with Austin as he makes his way to gorilla, but Austin just cusses him out and moves on. When Austin gets to the ring and flips Owen a double bird, Owen takes the next opportunity to ambush him. He drags Austin to the corner and hammers his knee into the post. His early ill-gotten advantage doesn't last too long though, as Austin reverses the momentum and sends Owen sternum-first into the turnbuckle. He chokes Owen against the bottom rope and tries to drop a leg on him; Owen ducks, but Austin safely bounces off and keeps attacking.
Loud "Austin" and then "USA" chants as Austin works an arm-wringer. This arm work continues for a while, despite the fact that none of Owen's go-to moves heavily rely on his arms. Austin does try to move to a more sensible limb by dragging Owen toward the corner, but Owen finds the leg strength to forcibly pull Austin head-first into the post. Owen goes out and slams Austin's hand on the steel steps, then gets up and stomps on it a couple of times. He returns him to the ring and keeps working Austin's hand, actually looking like he's trying to pull Austin's middle finger further back than it can go. He ties Austin up in the ropes and gets a running start, but Austin frees himself in time to hit a stun gun. Stone Cold counters the subsequent hurracanrana attempt into a powerbomb, then clotheslines Owen hard over the top to the floor.
Owen has had enough and starts to walk off to accept the countout. Which, under this match's stipulations, would entitle him to drop his trunks and make Austin kiss his ass. Stupid. Austin chases him down and returns him to the ring. Austin tries to resume the attack, but Owen counters into his quick belly-to-belly suplex. He follows directly with a neckbreaker, then drops a knee and gets a two-count. Scoop slam and a top-rope elbow connect; another two-count. Owen whips Austin into the corner, and Austin bounces out with a hard clothesline. He attempts to apply the Sharpshooter, but Owen forcefully kicks him off. Austin sends Owen into the ropes, Owen jumps onto the second turnbuckle and launches back off with a cross-body; Austin rolls through and gets a near-fall. Owen answers with a beautiful bridging German suplex for his own near-fall.
Jim Ross makes a note that the real story of this match might be Austin's neck; JR's most prescient comment since "that's gonna be the man right there" as The Rock entered at Survivor Series '96. Owen puts Austin down with a pretty soft DDT for another two-count. Owen cinches in a reverse chinlock, Austin works his way out of it and back to his feet, the two trade sleepers, and the sequence ends with Austin dropping down with a jawbreaker to break Owen's sleeper. Owen catches Austin's subsequent top-rope attempt with a punch to the gut, then goes back to the chinlock. Both men rest for a while in this until referee Earl hebner catches Owen getting leverage off the ropes and breaks the hold.
Owen argues with Hebner, Austin turns him around and whips him off the ropes, looks to be trying for a tombstone, but Owen escapes, counters, gets Austin up for his own tombstone, and…plants him. Badly. Really badly. Earl Hebner knows what he just saw.
Austin would later say that he had asked Owen to do this tombstone spot by dropping to his knees, considering it safer, and Owen insisted on sitting down. Obviously Owen was one of the best, and botches happen to the best, but this was inexcusable.
Austin clearly communicates to Owen that Owen needs to stand down. Owen doesn't hide his concern well. He paces around the ring yelling that Austin is gonna have to kiss his ass, while Hebner stands over Austin and talks to him. Vince is horrified on commentary. Ross notes that at least Austin's legs are moving, so he says that maybe this is a stinger. Owen ultimately walks away, playing to the crowd, turns his back, and Austin crawls gingerly over and does a really weak schoolboy that Owen falls into, and stays down for the pin in an understandably awful-looking ending. He actually tries to demonstrate something of an attempted kickout, which Austin later said was a moment that worsened the neck injury.
Result: "…and NEW World Wrestling federation Intercontinental Champion," Steve Austin via pinfall
Rating: ***1/2
Several officials help Austin to his feet and hand him the belt. Austin holds up the belt, initially shows resistance to the officials' help, but ultimately wisely allows them to help him walk to the back.
Video package next for the coming main event between The Undertaker and Bret Hart, featuring Shawn Michaels as guest referee. If Bret doesn't win, he won't wrestle in the USA again. If Shawn Michaels jerks Bret around, he won't either. The stipulations here didn't make the ending as obvious as the Owen/Austin stip IMO.
WWF Title - The Undertaker (c) vs. Bret Hart (Guest Referee Shawn Michaels): There's extensive pre-match goings-on, none worthy of any note. Eventually, as Michaels holds Taker's belt up to signify the start of a title match, Bret rips it away and ambushes Taker with it, then continues on offense as the opening bell sounds. Bret works Taker into the corner, but Taker promptly begins no-selling and takes the fight back to Bret, causing the Hitman to roll out for a breather. Taker isn't having it, following him out and slamming him into the guardrail. Taker eventually loses the advantage when Bret dodges a charge toward the post, running into it himself instead; Bret then whips him hard into the adjacent steps.
Bret breaks the count before returning outside, and Taker has sufficiently recovered to pick Bret up and twice run him into the steel post. The match finally returns inside, and Taker works the back with a series of moves to try to weaken it. Vince comments that Steve Austin has been taken to the hospital. He then offers that it has been said to be a result of the piledriver he took, but that he thinks it's about a lot of things that happened before the piledriver. Right. UT keeps working Bret's back with a bearhug; Bret finally bites his way free, but then runs straight into a big boot by the dead man. Taker misses with an elbow, then finally loses the advantage when Bret sidesteps a big boot and starts kicking low to try to take Taker's leg out from under him.
The leg work continues for a good while, the natural psychology for Bret - especially when taking on a much larger man. As Bret has Taker in a leg grapevine, we see Paul Bearer come through the entrance and stroll leisurely to the ring. Taker spots him and gives him an evil eye, but he's still stuck in the grapevine. Vince wonders aloud if tonight may be the night that we see Kane.
After Taker forces a rope break, he slams Bret's knee into the mat several times before rolling out of the ring to attack Bearer. He gets some shots in, but Bret ends up capitalizing by following Taker out and clobbering him from behind. A gaggle of officials shows up to help Bearer up and then to escort him away. Bret resumes the limb work by slapping on the figure-four along the ringpost. Michaels applies the five-count, and Bret releases on four.
As the match returns inside, we see Owen Hart and Brian Pillman show up at ringside; they watch on approvingly as Bret continues the fairly tedious leg work. "Tedious" is a whole feeling at this point in the match; match has generally been boring as ****. I don't think Bret and Taker ever really succeeded in putting on a good match. Taker suddenly bails out of the ring and attacks Owen and Pillman. Shawn goes out and ejects Owen and Pillman, I guess for being attacked. As he's out mopping that situation up, Taker hits a chokeslam on the inside and covers Bret for a visual pin that Shawn isn't there to count. As Taker confronts Shawn, Bret capitalizes with a rollup that Shawn does promptly count, and we get a believable near-fall. Taker is pissed, knocks Bret from the ring, and threatens Shawn.
When the champ leaves the ring to pursue Bret, Bret gets the better of the exchange, picking him up and slamming him back-first into the post. Now it's Bret's turn to work the back at length. These sequences of working a body part aren't being paid off in any way so far, not even through the wrestlers noticeably selling them. Taker eventually counters Bret's offense with a stun gun in the corner that achieves a two-count. Bret fights back with his signature Russian legsweep. Legdrop. He goes for the Sharpshooter, but Taker blocks, exercising the big reach to grab Bret by the throat. He gets his footing back, hits a kick to the gut, and attempts a chokeslam, but Bret counters. Taker back at him with (pure) strikes. Bret takes the sternum-first corner bump off an Irish whip. Big boot and a legdrop by Undertaker; close two-count. Bret tries to escape to the apron, but Taker grabs him in a chokeslam, pulling him up over the ropes and slamming him down into the ring. Just a two-count again.
Taker tries to do the tightrope walk while holding Bret's arm, but Bret is able to land a strike that crotches the dead man along the top. Bret struggles to get the job done, but he succeeds in landing the superplex. He's slow to get up, but eventually does, and this time succeeds in slapping on the Sharpshooter. He's got it on square in the middle of the ring, but Undertaker finds the reserves to just power out of the move, launching Bret all the way out of the ring with the momentum of the escape. Bret angrily storms back into the ring, but Undertaker puts him down with a clothesline.
A throat-slash later, Undertaker lifts Bret for the tombstone, but Bret escapes behind him and drags him to the corner. He now attempts to apply a Sharpshooter along the turnbuckle as Shawn lays the count on, but Undertaker kicks him off, and Bret bumps into Shawn. Random collisions hurt more when you wear stripes, so Shawn has to stay down over this minor bump. Bret returns to the ring, hits Taker squarely with a steel chair, then discards the chair. It's not at all believable that Shawn would have missed this. Shawn slowly recovers and makes his way in, but the late start only gets him to a two-count.
As Bret returns to the attack, Shawn notices the chair that Bret discarded in the corner, and he confronts him with it. Bret feigns ignorance and tries to go back to stomping on Taker, but Michaels isn't having it. Bret spits in Michaels's face, Michaels fires off with a chair shot, but Bret ducks and it hits Taker. Michaels is stunned by what he just did, but he gets down and counts to three. Boring match, but a fun ending.
Result: "…and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion," Bret Hart via pinfall
Rating: **1/4
Bret celebrates in the middle of the ring to huge heat. He drapes himself in the Canadian flag as the Hart Foundation comes to the ring and joins the celebration.
Overall: Show mostly sucks. Austin vs. Owen was a good match until it wasn't, but it's hard to look past that ending. Nothing else really resembled a good match, though I suppose Mankind vs. HHH was half-decent. I think people kind of like this show? I never really have, and this viewing was worse than what I remembered.
11-28-2020
, 03:12 PM
11-29-2020
, 11:37 AM
04-08-2021
, 06:30 PM
