May 27, 1996
RAW
Fayetteville, NC
Cold open on Goldust in the ring. We're going to start right off with action…or at least a match of some sort.
King of the Ring First Round - Goldust (w/ Marlena) vs. The Ultimate Warrior: Vince says, "I assure you that we're not about to see what we saw in Omaha, which had more theatrics than athleticism." Even McMahon knows that was bull****. Goldust's knee is still clearly heavily wrapped here, and he starts the match by stalling and keeping away from Warrior. They do finally get under way, but the match sucks, with brief moments of impact and then Goldust going back out to take a breather every time Warrior hits a move.
As Goldust is going to just leave, Ahmed Johnson appears from the back and carries him to the ring, forcing him to re-engage. I was quite ready for them to cut their losses and just take another non-finish. Despite all of these breaks, Warrior is noticeably gassed from early on, and just seems to not be in ring shape at all. I think they had the right idea at WrestleMania XII. He does throw a half-decent powerslam late.
Warrior throws a flying shoulderblock that connects, Goldust heads to the aisle to seemingly accept the countout, and Warrior slowly stalks toward him and accepts a double countout for no apparent reason. Never match these two guys up again. Holy ****.
Result: Double Countout
We see highlights from last night. Sunny showed up as the Godwinns' manager, but in mid-match Billy Gunn kissed her, distracting Phineas and allowing Bart to pin Phineas to win the Tag Team Titles.
They show clips of wrestlers literally going at it in the dark as well, as somewhat pictured in the post I made last night. Vince tells us about how we're going to get the live matches tomorrow night that we were promised last night.
Vince goes to a backstage promo with Ted DiBiase and Savio Vega. Apparently Vega won last night. DiBiase is upset, says the lights were out and there's no possible way to know how many corners he touched. Looking ahead to the rematch tomorrow night, Ted says that he's sweetening the pie. They'll keep the chauffeur stipulation in, but DiBiase is so confident that Austin wins that he offers to leave the WWF if he doesn't.
^ Which of those two guys is the condemned man in this situation?
Out come the Smoking Gunns, and they have a new manager.
That's a strong heel move by Sunny, managing her third new team in a week.
The Smoking Gunns (w/ Sunny) vs. The Bodydonnas: Hillbilly Jim is out on commentary. Vince says that the Gunns will defend the titles against the Godwinns at the King of the Ring. Pretty solid action between these two teams tonight, perpetual action as Skip goes move-for-move with Billy Gunn. After a commercial, Bart takes a hell of a spill over the top as Zip holds the rope down. Even Akeem cringed at that one.
The pace of the second half doesn't match that of the first half, but it's okay. Phineas Godwinn strolls down to ringside and pleads for an answer from Sunny as Hillbilly Jim holds him back. Henry Godwinn shows up to hold Phineas back, shooting a fierce glare at Sunny. The match concedes most of the attention to the ringside drama until the Godwinns and Jim all leave and head to the back. Bodydonnas with a double slingshot suplex on Bart. Skip heads up top for a cross-body, Bart really really slowly reverses it into his own pin for the 1-2-3. That final spot was botched to hell. I don't actually know if this whole situation is meant as a double turn for the Gunns and Bodydonnas or not. Vince presents it like the Gunns and Sunny had a plan all along at yesterday's PPV pre-show.
Result: Smoking Gunns via pinfall
They recap the mess of a finish between Shawn Michaels and the British Bulldog last night, and announce that there will be a rematch at King of the Ring. I remember that match being substantially better.
Vince welcomes the Slammy Award-Winning Owen Hart to the commentary table as Vader makes his entrance. I don't think I've spoken to the Slammy thing yet in this thread. At the Slammy Awards, the award for "most shocking moment" was announced as being Shawn Michaels' collapse on Raw. That announcement happened, there was an awkward pause as Michaels just sat there and wasn't about to accept an award for collapsing, and suddenly Owen Hart stormed the stage, took the Slammy, and gave a gleeful acceptance speech to accept responsibility for causing the collapse. Ever since that point, he began trolling the world by repeatedly calling himself "the Slammy Award-Winning Owen Hart." It was some elite trolling, and he carried it on for a very long time. Also: Owen had a legit broken arm at this point, so he was just sort of showing up as a corner man and occasional commentator while he healed.
King of the Ring First Round - Vader (w/ Jim Cornette) vs. Ahmed Johnson: I feel more comfortable than usual in watching this Ahmed match, because Ahmed is pretty much taking his life in his own hands if he works sloppy with Vader. Vader spits on Ahmed and Ahmed loses his ****, pounding Vader violently to the mat in the corner to a huge pop. A furious flurry of punches can be an awesome spot, as simple as it is.
Vader gets a series of punches back, but shortly after Ahmed dives at Vader and carries the both of them over the top to the floor. Not the highest honor, but this is well on pace to be my favorite Ahmed match ever. Vader avalanches Ahmed a couple of times, then clotheslines him down to establish full control of the match. He sets up for the Vaderbomb, then goes up another rope for the moonsault, but it misses. Couple of clotheslines by Ahmed, followed by a powerslam. Cornette gets up on the apron to distract the referee, Ahmed slingshots Corny in and then whips him into Vader. Spinebuster by Ahmed as the referee tends to Cornette. Owen Hart up from the announce position, to the top rope, drops the forearm cast-first on the back of Ahmed's head, and Vader makes the pin. That was Ahmed's first WWF loss, per Vince.
Result: Vader via pinfall
After the break, Ahmed is being stretchered to the back, unconscious after the cast shot to the back of his head. As he's being wheeled along, Goldust breaks into the scene and gives him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Ahmed comes to, furious, and flings the stretcher over. He staggers down the stairs, seemingly kind of ****ed up. He encounters Bob Holly and attacks him for no apparent reason. Marc Mero points Ahmed to Goldust's dressing room, but he isn't in there. Ahmed attacks the camera man. The tantrum takes us off the air as Vince calls the mouth-to-mouth "the most revolting thing we've ever seen."
Overall: Well, that Goldust-Warrior match pretty much sucked the life out of the entire universe, but the tag match was decent and the Vader-Ahmed match was reasonably good. Okay episode overall.
NITRO
Macon, GA
We have a new look, as Tony Schiavone and Larry Zbyszko come to us from ringside. Tony says that they'll bring us the first hour, and then the regular broadcast crew (sans Mongo now, I think) will take over for the second hour. So we lose Mongo but add Larry…I'm not excited for that. They say that Sting will face Scott Steiner tonight for the first time ever. Then they mention some stuff that doesn't interest me, but it will happen whether it interests me or not.
American Males vs. Ric Flair & Arn Anderson (w/ Woman and Miss Elizabeth): Zbyszko started off in his Nitro commentary career as a true heel, trotting out all of the Horsemen talking points here. It wouldn't be that way forever. The Males get a big run of offense to clear Flair and Arn out of the ring, and the Horsemen take a breather as Tony speculates on a possible upset. Obviously that doesn't happen, but the Males and especially Marcus Bagwell get a good showcase here. There's no question that they saw some star potential in Bagwell.
Flair trips Scotty Riggs from the apron and Arn takes advantage with the chop block. Riggs fall into peril from there with a bad wheel, as the Horsemen narrow in on it with their subsequent attacks. Riggs with an enziguiri to get himself free, leading to the hot tag to Bagwell. Bagwell seems to have Flair beat multiple times, but Arn keeps running interference. After a dropkick by Riggs, which - wait for it - I'm pretty sure was Riggs's finisher, Flair attempts to pin Bagwell near the ropes, but Woman reaches in and rakes his eyes in mid-pin. DDT by Arn, Flair lays across Marcus, 1-2-3. Not a bad match. Not a great one.
Result: Ric Flair & Arn Anderson via pinfall
Gene with the victors. Arn on the football players: "We don't respect anyone who wears protective gear. Because when you come into our house, it's man-to-man, hand-to-hand." Flair warns that Pete Rozelle better step in and stop Mongo and Greene now, to protect them. Rozelle had been retired for seven years, and probably never had much say over what retired players did.
After commercial, we get a workout montage of Mongo and Greene. Granted that these guys obviously had to be beasts in the weight room, but this was dumb anyway.
They mention during the next ring intros that Randy Savage is currently banned from all WCW events.
Steve Doll vs. The Mauler (w/ Col. Parker): I had to look up who The Mauler was, because he was definitely familiar. This was Blake Beverly of the Beverly Brothers, a JTTS tag team in the WWF a few years prior. For that matter, I guess Steve Doll was also the product of an even lower-rung WWF tag team, Well Dunn. But frankly, these guys' biographies, and really any of the moves they do to each other, are going to be quickly forgotten, because in mid-match, wrestling itself changed…
Scott Hall enters through the crowd. Tony Schiavone is taken aback, and just quietly says "what's going on here?" Hall jumps the rail and demands a microphone. The ongoing match just sort of ceased to be a thing at this point, so let's wrap that up.
Result: No Contest
Hall gets a mic.
Quote:
Hey. You people, you know who I am. But you don't know why I'm here. Where is Billionaire Ted? Where is the Nacho Man? That punk can't even get in the building. Me? I go wherever I want, whenever I want. And where oh where is Scheme Gene? Because I got a scoop for you. When that Ken doll look-alike, when that weatherman wannabe comes out here later tonight, I got a challenge for him, for Billionaire Ted, for the Nacho Man, and for anybody else in Dubya Cee Dubya, hyuk hyuk. You want to go to war? You want a war? You're gonna get one.
Referee Randy Anderson appears on the apron and orders Hall out of the ring, and Hall leaves without incident. Ringside, he throws up his Razor's Edge signal from WWF and heads out as the show goes to break. Given how hard WCW had been going in clearly inciting a war with WWF on Monday nights, that line of "You want to go to war? You want a war?" was strong.
After the break Tony comments on how they always said they would have surprises, "some expected, and some…not expected." I suppose the one thing I'll say against WCW here is that, unlike the Shawn Michaels collapse that WWF did late last year, WCW didn't put any believable touches on this stuff to actually make it seem like a shoot to anyone. But maybe that would have been impossible.
Sgt. Craig Pittman (w/ Teddy Long) vs. Diamond Dallas Page: DDP does push-ups in the ring before the match. Then Pittman does one-armed push-ups. He looks like he leaves himself prone, but in fact he's playing the role of Lucy's football.
Pittman actually controls much of the early match, but when DDP grabs Teddy Long and Pittman gets distracted by it, Page is able to capitalize with a Diamond Cutter. Weak.
Result: DDP via pinfall
Video montage of Randy Savage being manic recently.
After commercial, Mean Gene is backstage with John Tenta, whose personal dignity has hit an all-time low.
Shark is apparently angry with the Taskmaster and Jimmy Hart. He says he's been kicked out of the Dungeon of Doom. He vows to win the WCW Title tonight. …Yep.
Off to another video montage, this one of Hulk Hogan. It's seriously just a 3-4 minute fluff piece that shows celebrities taking pictures with Hulk, doing stuff with him, etc. No actual reason for it. I think he just got antsy that it had been six weeks since he had squashed multiple top guys in a handicap match.
We are now onto the second hour of the show, with Eric Bischoff and Bobby Heenan. After talking for a moment about Flair/Arn vs. Mongo/Greene, Bischoff says that they've decided that they're not even going to dignify the earlier interruption. And by doing that, he dignifies it.
WCW Title - The Giant (c) (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Shark: Heel vs. heel is usually a bad dynamic, but when you include a heel like Shark who isn't even remotely over and also isn't a believable contender, it's really a hopeless spot. Giant bodyslamming Shark with ease is kinda cool though.
It's not much of a contest. Shark hits a second rope clothesline, then is going to go after Jimmy Hart, but Giant chokeslams him for the win.
Result: The Giant via pinfall
Big Bubba comes in and shaves half of Shark's head, leaving him bald on one side.
After a commercial, Eric Bischoff vaguely refers to Scott Hall again, and wonders what challenge he has for them.
Lex Luger vs. Maxx: I've gotta tell you, these are some deeply uninteresting matches WCW is throwing at us tonight. I was excited to tune in for the Scott Hall debut show, but everything that doesn't involve Scott Hall has been garbage. In the middle of this match, without showing it, Hall actually interrupts Bischoff and Bischoff moves the headset away and you can faintly hear him telling Hall to go away and that he'll let him talk at the end of the hour. The match is a bunch of really boring and slow power stuff. The Torture Rack takes it down.
Result: Lex Luger via submission
Mean Gene joins Lex, mentioning again that Luger will be getting the WCW Title shot at the Great American Bash. We get clips of Giant chokeslamming him through the table a couple of weeks ago. Lex tells us, "Payback is a you-know-what." Menacing stuff, Lex.
"Hard Work" Bobby Walker vs. Brad Armstrong: I can't tell who's staging the more hostile takeover tonight: Scott Hall or WCW Worldwide. WTF are these matches? Bischoff again alludes to Scott Hall, saying he's not going to name names in order to legitimize him, but also doesn't want to name names "in fear of legal vultures circling around." I love that we're mere weeks away from Bischoff claiming IRL that he was never acting like it was a WWF invasion. Bobby Walker makes a couple of conspicuous botches in quick succession, first botching a landing off a monkey-flip and then botching a jump up to the top rope. Then sort of botching the cross-body too, really. I can't tell whether to nickname him "Hard to Watch" or "Botchy Walker."
Oh, but he wasn't done.
Okay, Botchy Walker it is. (
I don't do cutesy unfunny nicknames. What kind of hack comedy is this…) I especially like him botching a spot where he's purely doing something to show off how awesome he is. He wins right after that last gif with a shoulderblock off the top. Eric Bischoff spends a solid minute defending Walker's botches after the match.
Result: Bobby Walker via pinfall
Lord Steven Regal (w/ Jeeves) vs. Alex Wright: It speaks poorly of tonight's matches so far when I heard the Blueblood music and immediately assumed it would be Squire David Taylor. Wright hits some good high-energy offense early. Regal lays into him with a European uppercut, but Alex Wright asserts his German credentials by laying a few on back at him. Nice high-impact dropkick by Wright hits Regal square in the mush.
Wright falls hard and hits the back of his head while attempting a monkey-flip. Regal capitalizes quickly by rolling through for a back bridge and gets the pin. This was a bit of a style clash, but it was still decent.
Result: Steven Regal via pinfall
Regal gets the visit in the ring from Mean Gene. He's moving up in the world. He calls Gene a "miserable little toad," then cuts a promo mocking a series of others in the company (Giant, Savage, and he alludes to Scott Hall), then brags that it's him who just put the toughest man in wrestling out a couple of weeks ago. He says it's about bloody time that he has his say around here. He throws out a challenge to Sting, saying that he'll beat him and get some bloody respect around here, and maybe a shot at that circus freak holding the World Title. I love it.
Scott Steiner vs. Sting: Scott hits a suplex and a press slam in the early stages, taking an immediate advantage. Judging at least from this crowd reaction, Scott didn't have enough of the crowd to really cause a mixed reaction here. If anything, he's getting booed a bit. In any case, he stays the aggressor on offense, hitting a butterfly powerbomb, a belly-to-belly suplex, and an axhandle from the top to the floor. Sting eventually puts the brakes on the Steiner revolution, putting up a boot that Scott runs into HARD. Bischoff says that he'll be spitting out teeth the rest of the evening.
Even after that though, Sting is on the receiving end of most of the moves here, taking a northern lights suplex and then getting wrapped into an STF. Sting hits a reverse DDT before it was a signature move. Stinger Splash in one corner, goes for a second and gets nothing but turnbuckle. Dragon suplex by Scotty, and Lex Luger appears at ringside. Rick Steiner comes to ringside as well. Samoan drop off the second rope by Scott. This almost feels like it has been a Steiner squash match at the expense of telling any actual story. The fight moves outside, Luger gets physically involved and rolls Scott inside, Rick attacks Lex and we have a Pier 6 brawl, the bell rings and it's a no contest. ****ty to stop them from actually having an ending.
Result: No contest
Scott Hall interrupts the broadcast desk, as we're two minutes from end of show. "Ken doll, you have such a big mouth. And we? We are sick of it." Bischoff asks, "Who's we?" Hall snickers and says "You know who. This is where the big boys play? What a joke. I tell you what: you go tell Billionaire Ted, you tell him to get three of his very, very best. Maybe the Nacho Man, ohhhh yeahhh. Maybe you get the Stinger. Oooooh, I so scared. You go get anybody you want, because we are taking over. You want to go to war? You want a war? You've got one. Only let's do it right. In the ring, where it matters." Bischoff, shook, says "You're outta here" as Hall exits stage left. He and Heenan look rattled as the show ends.
Overall: Well obviously the Scott Hall stuff was amazing, and it was all kinds of gripping the two times he showed up on the screen. The rest of the episode was really not very good; hopefully filling two hours well isn't something they're going to struggle this much with for the next couple of months.
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Ratings for 5/27/96: Nitro 2.8, Raw 2.3
Ratings Running Score: Tied, 16-16-2
Better Show: This was closer than it had any right to be, considering that it was a historic, game-changing episode of Nitro. But still, it was historic and game-changing, and no matter how weak a lot of the rest of the episode was, the high points of this one just can't lose to an episode of Raw that was just okay (and had a lengthy opening match that was decidedly not okay). Nitro takes the night.
Better Show Running Score: Nitro 28-6
Match of the Night: I don't know. This was a weak night. Give it to Steven Regal vs. Alex Wright for lack of better options.