I was playing 1/3nl yesterday waiting for 2/5nl when this hand happened.

I raise $20 otb w AQ, super donk from MP calls, everyone folds, eff stacks 300

Board Q 7 5 2 2 r

I bet 2/3 pot every street and shove AI river, V says "I put you on AK" and calls me.

He turns over A7s.
So he puts me on AK and calls me pre w A7... Priceless

I like where your head is at on this. I have purposely never even tried to figure out how to shuffle chips and I have played a good amount of volume of live play over the years. I never saw what purpose learning would serve.

Along these lines, when playing in live tournaments, I love to come to the table and ask which seat is numer X or whatever, looking at my receipt, so it seems like I'm a n00b who doesn't know anything about tournament seating. I don't get much into fake tells beyond that but I love that one.

Reacting to the board when they're not in a hand. Like a groan or an eye roll or a tongue click (or slamming down a fistful of chips and saying "DAMMIT!!") when the flop is dealt or on later streets if they went to the flop but folded and their draw comes in. Or sometimes even announcing what they folded to a neighbor or observer while there are still multiple streets to go. And having no clue whatsoever how that could possibly affect the action.

It's closely related to the trait of repeatedly declaring their random folded preflop holdings at the end of a hand if they would have connected in any way, but especially if it would have made the winning hand. Someone takes a pot with top pair and they say "Oh man, I folded J6, I would've made 2 pair on the river.".

Having to be reminded to put out their blinds every orbit. Usually goes along with acting out of turn.

Watching the TV's and ignoring the action at the table. "Oh, is it on me? Someone raised?". I've seen people who watch the TV's even when they're in a hand and have to ask or be prompted by the dealer about the action on each street. Personally, as someone with a touch of the ADD, those damn tableside TV's are a thorn in my side. If I'm in a seat with a TV straight ahead above a player or the dealer's head, even though I don't 'watch' it, just the motion of the images can catch my eye and affect my concentration a bit. But when someone watches constantly, it's usually a pretty good indicator that they're level 1 thinkers when in a hand.

In tournaments, repeatedly limp/folding and trying to see cheap flops when their M is squarely in the red zone, especially in late stages. When I see people do this near the bubble it almost breaks my heart. Not enough to keep me from pouncing on them.

i sometimes make 5 stacks of 10 chips

Pretending to be maniacs, i, e.: sneakily looking at their cards when nobody notices and the pretending that they haven't seen what they have while raising or shoving and then getting some dumbass to call, then they turn up AA and say, "oh wow! I swear I shoved blind...what luck I have!"

Spot on....especially the talking during the hand, I HATE that. The other night there's a situation. MP opens up for $15, BTN raises to $45, everyone folds back to MP who calls. The flop comes 666 and some dumbass in the SB screams out, "DAMN! I know I should have called with Q6!" He was not joking. I thought the two guys in the hand were going to drag him out his seat and kick his teeth in.

I always do number 2. Spining a chip like a coin and trying to guess whether it'll land on heads and tails. Only this way I can win coin flips in tourneys 100% of the time.

I'm lost here. Most of the items you guys are betching about aren't what horrible players do, they're what NEW players do.

Why is this something to gripe about on the internet? Sure they've likely bad mechanics, don't always act in turn, don't post blinds until they've been told twice...

But on the other hand, they're likely paying you to teach them poker. And you're on the internet whining about it?

Let's list some things they DON'T do:
* 3Bet into you without the nuts
* Call you down light because they got a soul read (despite your hoody and shades)

Wasn't meant as an insult, just couldn't resist the opportunity to make that joke after all the time I've spent actually rolling on the floor laughing as a result of that thread/the shops/the xtranormal clips and such

I feel like "shortcuts" (such as looking out for ways to label a former unknown as "probably terrible") are really only bad if they lead us down a path of turning our brains off and allowing C-game to creep in as opposed to triggering more thinking on how to maximally exploit the villains we find ourselves playing against.

Not whining, looking to discuss red flags/indicators that help us categorize villains and enable us to react/exploit accordingly

I was playing 2/5nl a year ago, eff stacks $1,200 when this happened

There was this donk (D1) who kept doing this and I complained repeatedly and he kept getting warned. No matter how much we explained to him that he is costing someone money he wouldn't stop. Then I get heads up in a hand against him.

I had AQ raised and he called.

flop 2 7 J
I bet, D1 calls,

Turn 3 a different donk new to the table says "damn it" and then he whispers pretty loudly to his neighbor "I threw the Ace away!!!"

I bet, D1 raises, I shove all-in, D1 snap calls

River blank
Donk turns over KJ for the King high flush
I win with AQ with the nuts

D1 goes ballastic yelling at the other donk saying, "I thought you had the Ace". Donk shrugs and says, "I guess it was the A". The irony of the situation was lost on D1

It was priceless...

you really make your way around this site huh fatty?

(Edit: Do not post like this. I will infract you, even here. - Ray)

No biggie. It's just that I think that_pope has heard that one a few times before. Needling him is an art form, and I've developed some fairly high standards.

Not everyone has such a rare opportunity as you to get to see my posts on a daily basis and expand their insult range.

Winner. Funny on so many levels.

I cant stand when horrible players go busto.... and then get up and leave!!?!?

but seriously acting out of turn is really annoying

+1

I am afraid... this is #1 on the list.

Makes me want to commit seppuku when I make a great wet board bluff and I get snapped off with second pair by a player I know just can not simply see the hand I am representing.

During the last month, WSOP time in Vegas, there's more people thats watched to much TV than any other time.
When the action is on them they hollywood and stall, and think, and start counting chips, stakcing chips -re-stacking chips, then flip thier head in the air and stare off into space for some serious thought as they ponder...taking several minutes to make a decision over a $50 bet, LOL

And others will ask you what you had *after* the hand...you had AK right? I answer yup! Did you really have AK? I told you yes already. Five minutes later, what did you have on that hand we played?....I don't remember, ....well, you told me AK, ....thats right -I did have AK. Well, thats what you said, but I think you had AQ, ok fair enough I had AQ. Then 30 minutes later....ok now tell me the truth!, what did you have on that hand....ummm, what hand?, LOL

Or, when they choose to fold on my final river bet (after I have gotten all that I can from them) -but obviously they don't like folding, and I hear "I'll give you $10 bucks to show me them cards"...or someone not even in the hands wants to buy information, LMAO!
I never show my cards w/o a dam good reason...and someone paying a small portion of the pot, or a small portion of my bet, is not a good enough reason for me to show my cards.

Players who leave their seat for much of the time they're on the table are almost always bad players.

Makes sense, actually. If I was that bad, I would play as few hands as possible too.

Seriously though, players like this drive me nuts no matter how badly they play. They sit down, play 2-3 hands, then get up and go do something else for 20 mins. Come back, play a few hands, rinse, repeat.

One of these days I'm going to lose it and scream out, "WHY THE **** ARE YOU HERE??"

I don't get why poker rooms still allow people to do that, especially when there are waiting lists for games. A five minute break, sure, but after that, what's the purpose? If I were king of the world I would make a rule that after 5 minutes if a player is away from the table they have to post a BB every hand.

OP...sorry bud, you are the fish at this table.

Obv there for comp dollars...super pathetic...just raise them.

haha. this almost seems to good to be real

They don't have comps where I play.

Most of the people who do this are strictly there for the social aspect, as nearly as I can tell. A lot of them have been playing at the club for years, as they are on a first-name basis with nearly everyone.

[QUOTE=MApoker;33740940]Players who leave their seat for much of the time they're on the table are almost always bad players.

Seriously though, players like this drive me nuts no matter how badly they play. They sit down, play 2-3 hands, then get up and go do something else for 20 mins. Come back, play a few hands, rinse, repeat.

QUOTE]

Sitting at a table, waiting list was 4-5 deep, when an open seat gets called--the guy comes over sets his chips down AND WALKS AWAY. Five minutes into this we're all asking the dealer how long will he be allowed to be gone before filling the seat with a real body, dealer shrugs and asys "I'm sure he'll be back soon." 10 MINUTES after that we finally get a floor person over and ask he be picked up, floor denies us. 5 MORE MINUTES (20 total) player finally comes back to sit down.

So aggravating, mainly because the room doesn't care.