I don't understand what you did wrong there. That's perfect.

Something that drives me insane in the home game I play in is at showdown people often say a hand as a question, and you never know if they are declaring their hand but unsure whether it is the winner or asking if that's what I am holding. Just shut up, show me your ****ing hand, and all your questions will be answered.

Not really sure either, but he did mention it later, so he obviously had been thinking about it and it bothered him somewhat. It is possible he called immediately and I didn't know it and when I realized he called I announced my hand and he felt since I took a few seconds I was slow rolling him.

Your first responsibility has to be to yourself, in protecting your own best interests in the game. If that occasionally comes at the expense of a few hurt feelings over a perceived slowroll, so be it.

"Did he say call? Because he pushed all his chips over at the same time, what's the action? Is he calling or raising? He's calling? Okay, I have the nuts. Sorry for the slowroll."

Banned for swearing.

I usually just flip my cards over whether I'm bluffing or have a good hand and let my opponents/the dealer figure out what I have. Sometimes, I think people are surprised when I flip over absolute trash with the same confidence as the nuts. They will usually look at my hand for a minute trying to figure out if something is there. Once in a while, if I sucked out or something, I might say "I have, umm..." while I'm turning it over as though I am still trying to figure it out, which is sort of true.

I don't like the "I have just the 2nd nuts" line. When I was a newer player, it used to bother me and perhaps would have set me on tilt. Now, I usually react with "Oh, is that all?" so they know how stupid it sounds.

He bet £5, he didn't raise anything.

Would have, not "would of".

Apologies, Mein Fuhrer!