At some point you’ll start caring about yourself as much as you do the job.

still nowhere near as miserable as my last job situation, but even with that I stuck through it knowing it would lead to something better at it there. I am assuming this will be the same, if I stick it out a little while longer

I mentioned this before but I don’t really see how this line of work leads to something better. You’re getting some PM experience but you don’t have the background or training (or likely a successful project to showcase) to actually get you future PM roles (imo, I’m not a PM expert by any means).

I mean, I’m running a massive project right now. PM isnt rocket science to learn. All the tools are mostly the same. It just requires a lot of soft abilities that arent really teachable IMO. It’s not like development where you gotta learn some tool and specialize in it. A simple cert and some credible project experience can get you to other places.

I think I am really raw but have the soft abilities and can do it I just cant stand this. I also dont know if I want to be a developer, Im thinking the last several years was a huge mistake.

CFO pulled me aside today for “mentoring” and wanted to tell me that he knows I feel I’m in over my head and that a lot is being asked of me, but that I am young and this is an incredible opportunity etc. he also said he thinks I can do way more than I think i can and that I need to lead and basically stop showing my lack of confidence in myself.

He also said “its totally normal for people in this field to be doing 120 hour weeks” like LOL **** off this whole convo just made me angry even though I really appreciated the gesture.

The way he was talking made it seem like yes I’m being thrust into a situation that is not really fair to me (he said the product guy the CEO just fired was supposed to do a lot of this) and that I’m in a “new role” etc etc. sounds like time to get a raise talk to me.

I agree w him that it is a good opportunity but I know it’s going to take a toll on me and that’s what I’m weighing

All he cared about is getting you to work 120 hours a week.

Seriously, these are not the people to mentor you.

You’re making a huge mistake (IMO) to not be actively looking for your next thing.

Yea I just feel stuck. There’s a job opening on Hearthstone team I think I am a great candidate for and it’s actually my dream job so I will update my resume, apply there, and if **** goes south I’m ready to go with an updated resume.

It seems like they really just want someone to kick some ass and break some skulls. Ive been told numerous times I got this job because I used to be a captain (lol). Idk what their impression is of what that job entails but they definitely want someone running things. I know I can do it but it’s gonna be extremely unpopular with several people and I fear it may lead to turnover, but whatever. I am so completely over a lot of people’s attitudes here that I think I could unleash the skull-cracker part of my personality but i dont know if they realize how uncomfortable it may get.

I had to go home after our usual 8am conference call because I was so exhausted and needed some rest and I think thats what triggered the pep talk. I collected myself and I’m going to go back to the office and give him a proper reply. Definitely going to mention money but not sure what else. Work/life balance is extremely valuable to me because my personal life’s honestly a mess but I dont know how to say that to him.

lol he's just reading straight from the script and you're buying it? just start interviewing. what do you have to lose. trust me, you'll have a much different perspective as soon as you have another offer.

jmakin' - piss on your boss's desk. If he doesn't fire you - your strategy is working. If he does, this wasn't the right job for you anyway.

re: Jmakin's situation

I haven't really been following this, but it sounds like they just want you to be the bad guy. Maybe they should hire some consultants.

Translation: "Please accept these words of gratitude in place of a raise despite the fact that we are underpaying you for how hard you're working"

The conversation more felt that he was worried I was projecting my insecurity outward and I needed to reign it in. But yea that too.

Speaking of work BS. I'm getting a little tired of this stuff from my boss (in an email to me, her boss, and another boss):

Guess who sets the firewall rules? Me. Guess how long this issue took to resolve? 5 minutes. Guess who repeatedly told the testers to send me an email if they see a blank screen, since I don't know all the IP blocks I need to open up?

And of course instead of remembering that the tester spams the whole group. Which is fine. But what sucks is it gives my boss an excuse to throw me under the bus and try to cancel the meeting (since she's sick anyway).

The older I get the less tolerance I have for this ****.

What bugs me the most though is I think I responded perfectly appropriately - reminding everyone of the situation and pointing out how quickly it was resolved - yet I still (obviously) can't stop stewing about it. Yay dieting. I wish I could live in the moment and let **** like this go after I've said my peace.

jmakin's situation sounds like something straight out of a Michael O'Church rant I hope you're able to get outta there soon, man.

It’s not normal to work 120 hour weeks, wtf man? I can’t remember the last time I worked more than 40.

Maybe if you are an exec and making high 6 to low 7 figures but probably not even then.

I hope 120 is an exaggeration (17 hours a day x 7 days? wat?) because that is some BS, but I did as high as 70 (maybe 80) in the gaming industry where it's a lot more common (but I got paid overtime for it). Maybe as high as 50-60 when I was at a startup and we were kinda crunching on an important deadline (was salaried at that point), but it was rare.

I would guess that, outside gaming, the frequency of >40 hour weeks is probably inversely proportional to the size of your company.

Yea that is whack. Jmakin, don’t burn yourself out. Take care of your health first.

At this point I work max probably 35 hours. Usually in the office a little before 10am and leave by 5pm. As long as you are still producing, it’s all good. I can’t imagine doing anything productive working more than that.

The hours really pile up when you add up a normal working day and are dealing with foreign companies in ****ed up time Zones. A lot of times im not really doing much work but I just need to be available, resulting in some deliverable i need to deliver by midnight so they can see it in the beginning of their working day. So that quickly translates into an 8am - 12am workday if you have stuff you need to deliver. A lot of that time youre just waiting for answers to emails
Too. Its seriously the worst situation and i dont think im being dramatic.

Hope he used a Builder.

That's pretty badass.

Yeah... is it?

My first thought is that's pretty neat lol. I think the example made by createreactapp did a similar thing with an SVG React logo - I think the animation was CSS though.

There's like 5+ better ways to do animation than JS on setinterval manual CSS changes and it probably speaks volumes about their code quality.

Interesting take that I mostly agree with. When I started taking doxepin and went from 5-6 hours of sleep to 7-8 - it changed everything. Instead of always on edge I felt so much more balanced.

The only tough part is how much of the stress factor is out of our control. Sure we can control how we manage it. But having to manage stress-level 10 is not the same as having to manage stress-level 2.

Did you eventually have a 1-1 conversation with your boss about this? This is one of those things I feel that is appropriate to call out when you talk to your boss one on one.

_dave_ recommended I post this here, I started typing it out at first and realized it was REALLY bloggy so I put it in my blog. Like I say in the post I am willing to start a "tech management" thread here if this topic is too OT/annoying for this thread. Basically I really appreciate all the advice, thank you.

So, my next horrible thing is going to be getting her off her phone in the meetings and to participate. LOL that's gonna be a bucket of laughs. Going forward I am not going to have any communications with her 1 on 1, a boss will always be present. She can ***** to them behind my back all she wants - they are on my side. I don't know what she expects will happen here. I made a lot of mistakes with her, thinking that if I befriended her and mentored her a little she'd come around. But I realized this week it was all just manipulation. The moment she doesnt get what she wants it's total warfare. It ****ing sucks.

What she (or anyone else there) doesn't know about me is what a ruthless prick I was at my old job. I can be manipulative too and I think I've had way more experience at these kinds of personnel issues than anyone else at my company. Maybe I bring that up in the salary discussions too.