I play poker/gamble and my girlfriend doesn't really and doesn't enjoy it much and i'm still very open about it including wins and losses and everythings cool

dont need to over analyze this question really its not a black and white thing

jet lagged
also, poker is not about intelligence imo, it's about dedication to the strategy of the game. thats why most good chess players does not do so well in school, it's not the same kind of smartness

My gf doesn't like poker and we used to have problems when I was playing online 8-16 hours a day 7 days a week. It took up so much of my time and mind. Even when I wasn't playing poker I was constantly thinking about it. Replaying hands in my head thinking about what I should and shouldn't have done. I even have had dreams where I was multi-tabling. I don't play as often now (mainly bc I tilted off my entire bankroll in about 36 hours on 2 different sites) but our relationship has been much better since. I miss the grind though but I wouldn't wanna go back.

I only play poker on an amateur level for small stakes, but my wife also does not really get it the concept that I am up overall and that it is plus EV (3-table live MTTs - the venue has a stats page) I don't have separate live money from my liferoll so I don't really mind giving her half the winnings.

I also have a similar problem with my business teaching English as a foreign language here. I rent some classrooms, teach and also have some other British ex-pats as my "horses". She doesn't really get the difference between revenue and profit "you spend your money on running the business instead of us" or the difference between operating capital and a checking account.

My advice to anyone who has trouble with making their partner understand what poker playing is about (I mean when they no longer have counter-arguments but still don't agree), is not to make fundamental compromises e.g. stop playing - because the same problem will reoccur. Either your partner accepts that they don't get to decide (don't know if that will fly with UK/USA women) or its a deal-breaker.

You are playing, as you say, with a liferoll, not a bankroll. I hate that idea, just because it's not clean for recordkeeping/tax reasons.

I'm also concerned that she can't (won't?) understand the difference between revenue and profit. If you were making something, you might need money to buy tools or machines. You need money to buy entry to tournaments. It's not a complicated concept. I think she doesn't get it because she doesn't want to. I would really dig in. Say that you know she's smart enough to understand the concept, and really dig in to what's going on. I have an in-law who was, by her own admission, addicted to online casino gambling, so the issue could be something like that which is very personal for her. Or maybe I'm way off and she resents how much time it takes away from your family, or she doesn't like the waitresses in short skirts where you play.

You need to understand her bottom line, but make sure she understands yours. If it's just fun and recreational, tell her that you can afford it and it costs no more than going to pro football games (or whatever anaolgy works for you.)

There is no way I would give my wife half my winnings, and if you care about bankroll management (you obviously are familiar with the concept) you shouldn't either, You're really limiting yourself, because you're not giving yourself any room to build a bankroll. And if you do move up your edge will be less, and there won't be any room to take out 50% of your winnings.

If none of that matters, if you don't want to make more or play higher, then disregard the above paragraph.

When I decided to go full-time it really wasn't a hard decision. A lot of doors had closed, literally. I have worked for at least 10 companies that either moved, or (mostly) no longer exist. I was recovering from an auto accident, was 50 years old, I had never built any kind of a career, and I didn't really have much to lose.

When I decided I wanted to go full-time, my wife and I had a long conversation. She knows next to nothing about poker, but she understands the business practices that I apply. We talk about bankroll managment, live versus online, SNG vs. MTT. We talk about which tournaments (structures) that I prefer, and why. We talk about playing live in town, 25 miles away in a bigger city, 100 miles away (the nearest casino), or a combination of those. Most important, she understands that how much money we have to spend in 2015 isn't the goal. It's about adding much of my profit to my bankroll, so I can play higher, so I can make a better-than-decent income in 2016.#

We talk about those things all the time, just as she tells me in detail about her work. Everything is transparent. She went in the envelopes where I keep some cash for various accounts (live bankroll, for example) to count the money, just because she liked having that much cash in her hand.

I hope that everything works out for both of you. As I said, most of what I said might not apply to you, but I am always mindful that there are a lot more readers than posters, and something that I said might help one of them. But if I was in your place, I really would find out what's bugging her about your poker playing. I would want to know what the real issue was.

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*The better-than-decent income was supposed to be happening already, but much of my poker time in the last 1.5 years has been blown away by a caregiver situation .

I am also mindful that there are more readers than posters.

I'm not American and where I am resident there are no taxes from winnings, the casino pays from its gross gaming revenue. Also, for keeping track of if I am up or down I have the casino stats page
http://www.olympic-casino.sk/poker/r...chard-s-p77315 (scroll down and click load more to see the whole list) and online I just play one site and have only deposited once. Minimum wage here is 2 euros per hour, but even adjusting for that, as you can see in the link I am not doing it on a professional level although I am reasonably happy to be up, given that I am only about two years away from not being completely clear on what hand beats what.

The main reason I posted was that I am coming from the opposite angle to a lot of other people, that I was in business first, and ran into the revenue/profit issues and other things in that context. No she doesn't really understand it but the solution we have is that she doesn't really get to decide (just as I don't get to order her about) and that solution works fine in my new poker hobby too - where often the irrationality is presented as "you lose more often than you win" in other words my MTT ITM is less than 50%. Obviously if I get more serious I would have to stop giving her half the winnings (or make her put up half the buy-ins lol) but as a "winning recreational" player that's fine for now. The signal to get more serious live will be when I can move up a bit online.

The warning I want to give to other people based on my experiences, is basically not to sacrifice poker for the relationship, if the arguments against poker are not rationally based (i.e you are winning or the losses are comparable to a couple of cinema tickets per night in the casino - which is the analogy I use for the tournaments I play), and you give in rather than solving the problem, then you are just pushing the problem of irrationally based vetos or money-analysis forwards to another situation, for example if you want to go into business later. Solve it now.

IMO for winning players with good judgment and no tilt or gambling props then yes.

Yes they do and yes they can. Poker is no different from other time consuming and stressful jobs.

I agree with everything that you said. The bolded concept is one of the harderst to explain, because even I have a hard time iternalizing it. I regularly play $50 tournaments with a first prize of $1,000 and a total of 9 players cashing. I went out two places out of the money two tournaments in a row, mkaing 12 straight where I haven't cashed. In both tournaments I was all in with a decent stack, and both times villian had the same hand (we both had trip sixes, then trip nines) and I had the weaker kicker.

I certainly made the right play both times, but still, a part of me thinks, "I was so close to cashing, if I had just coasted until I was in the money . . . " But then I shake that idea off, knowing that if I had doubled up, I would be at the final table with a big stack and a good chance to win the $1,000.

So if it's hard for me to be "all in" with doing a lot of losing, imagine how tough that concept must be for someone who doesn't know anything about poker. My wife doesn't have to understand it--I told her that most of the money is in the final three places so that's what I play for. She knows that I know what I'm doing, so that's good enough for her.

For those who don't believe it but know a little (they watch it on TV once in a while), here is what I tell them:

Chris Ferguson played a WPT season where he only cashed twice. But they were both final tables, which means they were both six figure cashes.

Personally I found poker to be crippling to my capacity to socialise. For me it was more of a curse than a gift so I would never do it full-time but I will continue to play it live and on Sunday.

But for some people I believe it can, these people would be the high-stakes players who can keep poker from becoming all they ever think about, keep their emotions intact and have plenty of time to spare to live more of a sociable life.

Poker should never be the only priority. Most successful winning poker players believe that and never let the game get in the way of other things that matter. In order to do well in the game, there has to be a balance. As in most things in life, keeping a job and a relationship working depends entirely on how well you organize and maintain all ends of the spectrum. Everything in the farm needs to be tended to patiently and with great care. If you can establish this with everything you love in the world, they will all grow and more importantly; together in harmony coexist. Anyway that's my two cents.

Take good care of yourself, your love and have fun.

Great advice to anyone, whether they play say 2nl or 2knl. A life balance seems to be one of the most common overlooked GTO of life categories out there!

Played for 10 years, 5 of which were spent playing online 99% of the time and live 1%
Last 5 years my volume is vica-versa 99% live with 1% online.

My longest relationship during this period was with a girl from London, 149 miles away from me. Our relationship last 3.5 years and ended last year after EPT Barcelona.

My conclusion is, i had a good run but I'm now only interesting in dating another player or someone who works in the industry. Of course being a guy I'm not going to say no to a good looking lady who has banter and would like to buy me dinner and a drink haha.

Good look guys and girls.

I would really like your opinion on this. When i travel with my wife for poker she plays slot machines and it tilts me. Ive talked about -ev and how her slotting it up goes against everything I stand for after 6 years I can see it effect my bottom line. I've seen her leave juicy holdem games to slot it up at the Hard Rock twice. She's lied to me about it on a few accasions I just found out unbeknown to her that she's been slotting on Bovada. She's never spent rent money etc. But she doesn't stick to limits.*

You know how it is traveling with your partner for poker. you play a little while he works long hours spouse gets bored you wonder in to the pit,bars,spa shopping etc. I get that. And she does that as well as slots. We all know that if you always did that all the time you would waste your life become empty. I've made it this long because I balance my life. You must or you will life leak yourself to death and that's what I'm scared of. In a normal line of work you just stay away. But since pokers my living I'm in the culture. What our your thoughts on staying grounded and having you own identity when your partner is in this obscure atmosphere that is professional gambling? (please base your answer on a +100,000 a year live player )

Try to start keeping them more separate. Would you have your wife tagging along with you in any other line of work?

Now and again for special trips sure, but this seems more than that.

I haven't taken any big poker trips yet but probably will soon. As a retired solider I can fly free (space available) on any military flight within the United States. My wife and I have talked about this. If I go somewhere new, she would like to see it as well. I've explained how boring it would be to watch me play a poker tournament for six hours or more. Even though she knows nothing about poker, she's very intelligent (quality analyst for a hospital system.) She understands the concepts of EV, expenses, and protecting a bankroll.

We are definitely different. I go to a casino to work, period. I have no interest in going for any other reason. She just thinks that the atmosphere is fun and wants to look around and maybe play a few slots, spending $10 at the most.

What we came up with is that she should go out and see the sites while I'm playing: check out the stores, see the sights, do whatever there is to do. She's all about the adventure, going on a trip, seeing new things and new places and getting the T-shirt. So that should work out pretty well for us.

Now the only thing I have to figure out is how we're going to communicate. My phone is always off during a poker tournament. I have ADD, and the last thing I need is a distraction device at the table. I don't want to think about ANYTHING but poker when I'm at the table. I guess she'll just have to wait to talk to me until I've been knocked out or I win the tournament.

Since this seems to be the appropriate thread, I thought I would post here.

How do I keep my wife of about fifteen months not feel like a poker widow as I take the next step and play a lot more casino based poker?

We have been together fifteen years and she supported me while I played bar poker seven days a week so maybe it is not a concern, but I still worry about her feelings.

I've had some recent health issues which left us both worried I would be leaving her permanently and going through the issues has me wanting to take the next step and play more.

I guess the first step is to just talk to her, but suggestions on what to say would be appreciated.

You play seven days a week. Poker is your job. I don't get why she would be a "poker widow."

Lots of people travel for their jobs. I was in the National Guard for 23 years and I was gone a lot. One weekend every month. A year in basic training to get physically strong enough (I was a marathon runner and got the maximum score in sit-ups and running but I could only do two push-ups.) When I transferred to an army band we went on tour every year. We were in England for a month. I have been to ten countries without my wife. It goes with the job.

Lots of people have to travel or be away for their jobs. Long-haul truck drivers. Emergency workers like storm damage repair specialists. Anyone that has out-of-town meetings.

I had one son deployed to Iraq and another to Afghanistan. My sons are scattered across 13 time zones and I haven't seen my grandchildren in three years. It goes with the job. The family members all understand that.

I really don't understand the issues here. Poker isn't going to endanger your health unless you're always sedentary and eat lots of unhealthy food while you play. You won't be traveling all over the country or all over the world.

Dusty Schmidt is an online cash player who has won several million dollars. He plays mostly online when his kids are in school. If he wants to play other times, he and his wife look at their schedule and come to an agreement.

I think that you are both making this way too complicated.

EDIT: Do you really need to be at the casino seven days a week? I admire your work ethic, but perhaps you would be a better player, and have a better marriage, if you spent a couple days a week home studying.

A few points of clarification.

The seven days a week playing was years ago when I played no buy-in bar poker. The health issues weren't poker lifestyle related. I'm not proposing to play seven days a week at a casino. I am proposing to play a lot more than I have been though. We have a great marriage and are each other's best friends.

The thing is that when we were less well off and I cut back on bar poker, we were almost joined at the hip. When we weren't working, we were either at home, at a bookstore, or at the movies. Now that we are better off, we are less joined at the hip, but still do a lot together.

We are both middle aged, but I feel I am never too old to learn or seek advice. Maybe there is nothing more I can do to make her feel, and know she is, special. But it never hurts to ask.

Sorry if that was rambling, but I just spent the past two nights playing tournaments at the casino.

The wife has just given me a chance to show she is more important to me than poker. She called hoping I would be home when she got home instead of being at the casino. She said she really wanted to talk to me.

Yes, I want to play but she is more important so I am staying home.

Well, you two definitely need to talk.

It's hard to advise you because I don't know her side of the story, or what came of your talk, but based on your account, what she did sounds manipulative. Did you really have a choice? What would have happened if you said you that you had to go to the casino but would talk to her tomorrow?

My wife and I talk about this every week. I play 95% live and occasionally online. I aim for at least 25 hours of play and 15 hours of study each week. We only have one car, because we're too cheap to make car payments. We are saving up to pay cash for a second used car.

With only one car, those discussions get real interesting. On the other hand, each of us is clear about our objectives and we both respect the needs and aspirations of the other. My wife is a quality analyst at a local hospital.

Most of the tournaments in my local room start around 1800. My wife works from about 0600-1430, so we can often both have the car on the same day. If not, I can study or do administrative/recordkeeping tasks. Admin time is in addition to my 25+15 hours of play and study. If I don't get enough study or play in during the week (I try to make those occasions rare) I will either study or play more the next week to make up what I missed.

The important part of this is that we talk about it every week. We compare our schedules, check what tournaments are running in the next county about 30 miles away, and decide whether it's worth it when the local room is 1.8 miles from our house. She tells me when she needs the car, and I plan around those times. I respect her job, and she respects mine.

She runs the family finances and I have input and complete access to those records. I have several poker accounts: expenses, live bankroll, owner's capital and online bankroll (I don't keep all of it online.) She has input about my progress and my choices and she has complete access to my poker records.

To put it bluntly, we are a team. We don't have arguments about what the other should be doing. If there was a tournament that was a rare opportunity for me, she would probably let me have the car all day, and either take a cab to work or get a ride with a coworker. If something big was up at her work and she needed the car at night, I would understand and adjust my plans accordingly.

You guys need to start by agreeing on some of the basics. You need to figure out where you can compromise. If she says that you can play once a month, you need to figure out why she's saying that. If she lonely? Needy? Is she scared because she has a gambling addict in her family?

It would be really interesting to hear her side of this.

Sorry, I should have made it clear that what she wanted to talk about wasn't poker related at all. Or even about me. She has started a new job which she felt wasn't living up to how it was explained to her and she needed to talk to me about it. I felt staying home was a good non-verbal way to let her know that she, and not poker, was more important.

As I have said, we have a good marriage, a good relationship. I am just looking for tips to keep it that was as poker takes up more time than it has for a long time. Not that I am going to go back to playing seven nights a week, though.

Here are some things I guess I should have told you from the start.

1) Poker is a hobby and not my job. Even when I was playing seven nights a week, I was holding down a full time job.

2). Poker is a hobby for her, too. She is not as passionate about it though.

3). I guess my concern comes from the fact that she has expressed the worry in the past that if she devotes the time necessary to be successful at various business pursuits, I would be resentful of the time lost for us. I am not and wouldn't be, but would she think that way when it came to me and the time I need to be succesful at poker even as a hobby.

The Kenny Rogers' song, She Believes In Me, is very pertinent to her past support of my poker playing.

She believes I could be something more than a hobbyist.

+1 to almost all of this.

Only read the first two pages, but here's my take/rant.
Not sure I could date a professional female. I'd be fine with dealers, as in general, it's nice to date someone on a similar schedule. Really the biggest hangup with most women(in my experience at least) isn't the fact that they view it as gambling, but more so that they don't understand that is a job. Sundays being the best online MTT day, or a Fri/Sat night at the casino is the best times to play cash, etc. Making plans or expecting you to blow off playing more often than not gets annoying. "You don't have to go tonight."*bats eyes* Correct, but if I want to make a living, yes I do. I wouldn't expect, nor ask, you to take off random days of work in the middle of the day just to hang out.

End Rant.

Maybe this only happen to a few of us in the US: local card room game is only going on Friday and Saturday night. You going to a date on those time then you won't play poker for the week. I can't bring a date with me neither, she can easily get board watching , probably go slotting or doing other -EV activities.