Congrats protential on the bracelet! Awesome speech after too.


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Many, many congrats!!!

Congrats, that's awesome all the way around (except the reason a speech was necessary).

Hey, nice work.

Congrats!
Could you help me talk to a friend that is depressed and hasn't came out yet. He talks to me about interactions he has had with other men, but he can't just openly say he is gay knowing that I don't care. Lately he's been talking about how life has no purpose and he can't imagine himself in a relationship. How do I respond to this? What can I do to make him feel better?

You just have to be there for him. I remember knowing that I liked men, but I was unable to form the words "I'm gay". I remember crying in front of the mirror the first time I was able to say it. When people come out, they not only need to come out to others, but first and foremost, themselves. It seems silly to think that someone who is having sexual encounters with the same sex would not realize or be able to admit they are gay, but trust me, a lot of cognitive dissonance is at work.

I would just continue to speak positively about LGBT issues and such when it comes up organically. He won't be able to imagine himself in a relationship until he accepts himself, and only he can do that. You can just be there for him through verbal and nonverbal support; basically continue being the good friend that you seem to be already

Hey Ryan - I'm thinking the ripples from you winning the bracelet and your speech will be overwhelmingly positive for you and other lives far beyond your personal interests. Well done on all accounts!

Congrats man!

Late but congrats on the win ryan

Thanks everyone!
I really appreciate it!

congrats protential, gl in the main.

hello

lol i dont see single rainbow flop here

You're not looking hard enough

general question: what's the best way to try to get a guy to go to a strictly platonic lunch or other event without him thinking you're asking him out? I keep running into issues where they think that I'm trying to go on in a date with them, when, in fact, I'm just trying to hang out

similar, much more specific question:There's a guy I work with. We started hitting it off at the beginning of the year. Says he's not gay, fine. He ends up getting harassed constantly at work about us hanging out when it's just the two of us. He tells me that he no longer wants to hang out without another person around. I told him if he's not comfortable with me, I don't see a future in the friendship. He backs down...and, within a week, we hang out outside of work and end up hooking up. We end up moving to different shifts. We still work occassionaly, but he has the normal semi standoffish thing going on where he's trying to distance himself. I probably should've known that was coming. This goes on for a couple months, then over the last 3-4 weeks we start going back to normal again and hanging out outside work with other people. I ask him to go to lunch today and he semi flips, saying he doesn't want to go on a date with me. I told him that wasn't my intention but he doesn't want to hear any of it. I guess I again should've seen this coming, but how do I convey that if he wants nothing to do with a sexual relationship, that's fine with me, I'm fine being friends? It seems like I'm just going in circles here and I'm pretty sure I'm just going to a path that's leading nowhere

For the general question: be as upfront and direct as you can. Guys are usually pretty receptive and appreciative about being on the same page while interacting

Well... it seriously wouldn't be awkward for you to hang out one-on-one with a guy you want to be platonic-only friends with, but who you hooked up with, and isn't just in the closet but is in complete denial?

If so, that's awesome and I hope to one day reach that level of social not-anxiety. But I don't think there's anything you can do with this specific guy. He's not going to take your words at face value because he doesn't take his or anyone else's at face value. His whole perception is warped, about what means what and what doesn't mean what, regarding statements, intentions, desires, and everything. Both internally and externally.

"I know you say it's not a date but that's what people say when it's a date. People lie about sexuality."

"I know I want to have sex with you but that doesn't mean I want to have sex with you or any other men."

PC:
My gut was to say it wouldn't be awkward for me...and then I realized I'm capable of making just about anything awkward, so this probably wouldn't be any different. I think when you said there's nothing I can do about this specific guy, you're probably right. time to move on I guess.

also liked the quotes because I'm pretty sure that's the exact thought process of more than 1 guy I've been with. I probably need to stop going after "straight" guys.

@suq-I guess what I always assumed was that it was assumed it wasn't a date unless that was talked about. It seems more awkward to bring up the fact that you aren't interested in someone

Gay guy myself here who is first posting. Long time lurker in some of the more poker oriented forums but just saw this. This topic is kinda old, but figured I'd comment anyway.

From the outset, this seemed like a rather awkward situation. Great that you're hitting it off with the guy as coworkers and such. It's very odd that other people at your work are harassing him for hanging out with you. I understand as a gay guy, they might rib him a bit and joke but "harassed constantly" is very different. I'd be more asking the question...are you disliked? Are gay people generally disliked in your profession? Questions like that become more relevant.

The second part is odd, too. Perhaps it's me working in HR or perhaps it's just a rule I've always had about myself, but I'd say getting close at work is always a no-no. That being said, what's with him coming to you and saying that he can't hang out with you alone? Your response is a bit chilling, in my opinion, as well. It sounds very much like you work in a somewhat homophobic profession, or at least environment. If he's constantly getting harassed and he has to tell someone whom he considers a friend something like that, then I'd consider being a bit more understanding. Perhaps you're paraphrasing what you said and you were, but I say that we have to meet people where they are at. The way you posted it here sounds more like an ultimatum than an understanding approach but perhaps I'm reading it wrong.

Hooking up with him probably wasn't the best decision, even if for the only reason is that he's a co-worker. But I'm sure I don't need to expand on that. But with the rest of the story...I mean there are so many things in his mind that could be going on. Perhaps he's a bit homophobic himself and is ashamed of what he did. Perhaps he's not fully sure if he liked what happened or not and is grappling with that. I can't speak for all gay people, but I know that myself and many others have had to struggle for years before coming to terms with being gay. Maybe he's not gay, but now he's in that area where I was where I did something with a guy and was still trying to deny it (and perhaps he's really not gay and his denial is correct, and perhaps it isn't).

Anyway, my advice going forward is just to be friendly, warm, polite, and be chummy inside of work which is what he seems to be comfortable with. If he ever wants to talk about what happened, do so honestly and not defensively, and if he doesn't, then just keep it down. But seeing as it sounds like you're more interested in a casual friendship anyway with a coworker (since you're saying you're not trying to date him) it's not much lost if he doesn't keep up the relationship. Let him make the decisions and don't sweat it.

(Yeah, that was my first post, and yeah I write a lot. Sorry, hope it wasn't too much.)

Double post...anyone going to Orlando pride this week? I'm considering going. I've not been to a pride festival in years.

I'm going to make a nerve induced post.

I went out last night to a gay bar by myself for the first time. Met a guy, had a few drinks together, got a long decently and exchanged numbers.

First and foremost, that's the first time I've ever gotten an openly gay guys number for the express reason of some type of relationship. Second, he texted me this morning and it looks like we're going on a date Wednesday. I HAVE NEVER BEEN ON A DATE BEFORE AND HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO EXPECT.

Anyways, mostly just nervous rambling, but if anyone has any advice, please please share it.

Don't drink too much. Obviously not to make a fool out of yourself, but more importantly to find out you like each other sober long term.

Props for going out of your comfort zone and reaching out to meet new people. It can be frightening the first few times, but well worth it.

I'd suggest a venue where you can talk - like a coffee shop or quiet food place - rather than a movie or bar.

It can be easy to talk too much or not at all. Find a balance. Listen so you can get to know him better.

If you are worried about being too horny/worked up on the date, you can... umm... relieve yourself beforehand to take off some pressure.

No matter what comes of this meeting, don't forget that you've done a brave thing and reached out in the first place.

Be careful overall in regards to the environment and situation.

I saw introductions in here a while back, so here's mine:

I'm a 26 yo gay man who's been playing poker since 2014, and professionally for the past year. I play live mostly 2-5 NL and some 5-10, but I haven't played much online. I moved from Tampa to Alexandria last week. See you on the felt!

On a side note, what do you think the top gay poker cities in the US are? The only criteria are good/many live poker venues and and a large gay community/neighborhood.

Thankfully neither of us was too out of it at the bar, we each only had a couple of drinks. Praying not to make a fool of myself

I think the restaurant we chose will be a safe place to meet up and not worry too much. Probably going to have to do the whole relieve myself before hand thing

Thanks for the advice guys...