You have a lot going on in your life right now. Your age is a time when women get a lot of pressure from society and their parents especially to make some pretty big life benchmarks. Big jobs, big relationships, children... and that's just the things you can measure. Women also have added stress because they need to fit the physical confines of western beauty- which is tough.
Doesn't sound to me like you're overly (and I don't mean that in a sarcastic way, I mean sincerely... you're not TOO worried to the point where it's hurting yourself) worried about being beautiful. So that's good.
Sounds like you're punishing yourself for where you're at in life (bipolar, weight gain, failure, general depression). You're judging yourself, and we are usually our own toughest critics.
I was in a similar situation and I quit poker for a long time. I remember this one night playing 5/10NLHE at a local casino there was this crumply Asian man that bought in for the minimum every time. He only ever played the nuts, and any pressure would make him fold 2nd nut. Like he wouldn't call a half pot bet on the river with a king high flush. I played here a lot and I learned his whole story. He mortgaged his house, lost his wife because she refused to feed his gambling addiction, lost his job because he couldn't perform and gamble, he was a problem gambler. I'm telling you this because I ended up in a hand against him.
He raised preflop, which meant aces or kings. Not even QQ. Guaranteed 2 hand range. I was on the button so of course I called- there were also like 4 other callers. I think I had some suited connector... I don't remember the hand that well, but it's not important. Board came out and I hit my bottom pair, but he bet again. I thought to myself, "well, this is perfect... if I hit just anything I can get a lot of money off of this guy... and if I miss I can raise and push him off his hand."
Keep in mind what I said before about him not putting a dime into the pot without the stonecold nuts.
Turn comes and it's an ace. I tell myself, "Well, that does it. Only 3 aces left in the deck and I'm gonna believe he has 2 of them? No way. He doesn't have this."
He bet another big bet and I called with little hesitation.
River bricked and missed any draws.
He bet pot again. I didn't hesitate, I shoved. He looked at the board again and called. He had the aces, of course. If you've played live-poker for any duration, you realize that some players really are that translucent. You know their hand before they turn up the cards- almost every time.
I lost over $1000 to this crumply Asian hobo... and I wondered why. It was because I felt sorry for him. He never won. Everyone knew how to play him. This night, somehow, he was winning. It had been a long time since I saw him smile. Of course, after I lost this hand with some of the poorest poker playing you can imagine- I left the casino (and he remained there, probably for the next 72 hours until he lost everything).
This was the start of a downward spiral. I started to peel cards on flops and turns just because "if I hit, that'd be awesome." There was no math involved. No pot odds, and no attempt to outplay anyone. My plays were random and poorly thought out. I couldn't play poker.
It was because I had believed that I was the rich one (and I wasn't, I was lower-middle class on a good day), and the rest of the poker world was just there for me to have fun with. Just gamble a little.
When I caught myself doing this, I quit. This wasn't profitable anymore. I wasn't making money. I talked to WCGRider about it on these forums and made a post a long time ago. He helped me get through it. He probably doesn't remember me or what we talked about... but I quit.
3 years later and I'm back now- at least at the micros for now. We'll see what happens in my near future.
Why did I assault you with this wall of text? Well, I hope that you realize that people care about you. Even strangers that you don't know. Whatever you're going through sucks... but everyone goes through ****ty periods. We all get sad sometimes. There's nothing wrong with you... it's just a phase. Like all things, it will pass with time and work.
For what it's worth this is my first time in this section of these forums, and I was looking for the secret kinky sex chats I know all the poker-girls have. Unfortunately after browsing a few pages, there are no sex chats to be found
.
Last edited by Kuval; 07-31-2015 at 06:08 AM.