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Originally Posted by Rivercard007
Yes, he makes me laugh and he is a great friend. However, this isn't a marriage as far as I'm concerned, unless marriage means one person supports the other's decisions indefinitely whether the decisions are sound or not.
Decisions being sound of not is subjective. If he is paying bills and never asking you to borrow money because he ran out, he is probably doing quite well.
You describe him as being busy with poker all the time. That is a good thing. If he were just playing every now and then and getting drunk in between, there would be reason for worry. You describe him as a serious player though who is successful at least to some degree.
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Yes, he would make a great roommate if he actually contributed to chores on a regular basis. I don't actually make more money than he does; he works only enough to pay his half of the HOUSEHOLD bills and the rest goes to cards.
So he is paying his half and building more bankroll. He definately is doing great. He should of course contribute to the chores as well. Although i know from personal exprience how difficult it can be for a man to see an equal need for chores to be done in the first place. If i think it is enough to clean the toilet every two weeks and vacuum the living room every month is enough, then it is hard to do my half if you think it needs to be done every 2 days.
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I have my own bills I pay myself. Trust me, if he actually worked 50 hours a week like I do he would make MUCH more than I do.
You first said he spends ALL his time on poker. You are only talking about the bar tending work here and not seeing the poker as work maybe ?
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The difference is, my job has the potential for raises and promotions whereas bartending does not.
Poker does
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My original question was is this is a reasonable life-plan for him and whether I can make decisions or plans based on this, and I think the answer to that after 8 years of no progress is negative. I agree I need to speak to a professional, either a counselor or an attorney.
Well yes, i guess so. Maybe so should he. People are different. Some people need lots of certainty and think those who don't are irresponsible, others like more freedom, have the confidence to handle the uncertainty and things those who are worrying about their 401 are ignorant sheep. The free spirits can quite often be very succesfull in life. Surely theres also the degenerates who fall into addictions and end up in the gutter, but you absolutely dont make it sound like your husband is one of those.
Life is full of opportunities. If in the future poker doesnt work out well enough anymore to pay his half, he can always still get a job, or start a bussiness, or whatever. If you grow old and you dont have a great 401k, there are plenty of places in the world where you can buy a house or a boat for 20-50k and then live like a king off 300$ a month. I am i guatemala and there are many old people here doing just that. They seem more happy than the average pensionado i see in our culture. Thats how i see life and if a women cannot see it that way, she is not the right woman for me.
Short story: See the difference in how people aproach life without simply thinking yours is the right one and his the wrong one. With that overview, see if you can make it work together dispite your differences. If not, you are not made for eachother.
Last edited by Arjen; 01-20-2015 at 02:25 PM.