The Stairmaster
This is my measuring stick. One of my best friends. It never lies, deceives, or cheats me. It gives me back exactly what I give it. If I have been living like $hit, eating like $hit, and becoming the reflection of all too orange of piss, loose stool, excessive drug use, glutton, sloth, and sugar. I can't even get out of bed to show up and look this Stairmaster in the eye.
If I've been living right, I can do thirty six one minute sprints on level sixteen with thirty second rest intervals, and in the end have burned 800 calories and climbed over 250 floors. I'll also be walking around at 6'0 and around 200 pounds.
This machine has no bias. This machine has no ulterior motives. And it's here for me twenty four hours a day to love me unconditionally and let me know if I've been winning or losing at life lately.
Currently boarding it at 228lb and if it wasn't such a good friend to me in the past my heart would have surely exploded this past year due to irresponsible drug use and gorging down "Door Dash" while high on marijuana edibles and Xanax so I could sleep.
Life is like this machine.
You get back what you put into it.
If you're fat, poor, out of shape, living a loser lifestyle it's no one's fault but your own. Don't give me any of that victimhood and depression bullshit. I lost my soulmate, got concerts taken from me, electronic music parties taken from me, was locked down in my home, and yes I started using because I was depressed and bored. But you are only a victim for a day, that's it, every day after is your choice to remain a victim. If you're on drugs or boozing it's not because you're depressed, it's because you like being the person, the loser you're becoming.
Want to cure your depression?
It costs as little as $9.99 a month and my Stairmaster friend here loves all of you just like me. And like I said, this machine and a whole bunch of other equipment is waiting at a gym nearby twenty four hours a day to see what you got and kick you the real deal, shoot you straight as well.
Tired of being a loser?
Change it.
As of today I am weighing in at 222lb, almost forty days no mood or mind altering substances but a few friendly beers during my poker sessions, and up around $1,000 over my first week back playing live in two years. Looking to start playing some tournaments soon to prepare for the WSOP. Will probably be stopping in at least ten cities leading up to it as well. If any of you would like to coach "The Bull" or know of anyone reputable for tournament coaching, please reach out via DM.
I promise the fun starts soon.
Get your popcorn ready you Adderall addicted scrub buckets.