I cannot believe what I just did..

$109 Winter Series deep stakes event on Pokerstars, just gotten into the money (300ish left). I have just under 1,000,000 chips, having played solidly and won a couple of coin flips. I haven’t been playing well lately but today I really knuckled down and felt as though I was playing solidly. Then I did this:

It folds around to the button, who raises to about 38000 (BB is 16000). I’m holding A2os.... I thought to myself when the cards were dealt that I’m folding this hand under any circumstances. But then I impulsively shove. Button is holding AQ and I’m out. I’m absolutely gobsmacked that I played solidly right up until just after the bubble, then for some reason I decide to risk and lose my tournament life with A2os.

I just needed to vent my frustration. I want to take the positive from this, which is that there has been a significant improvement in my game today than in recent weeks or months. I would also say that I’ve learned not to risk my tournament life with a weak hand, regardless of circumstances and especially when I’m deep stacked. But that’s so obvious anyway.

All I can think is that I subconsciously loosened up because I cashed. It’s not the first time I’ve made a mistake like this soon after cashing, but this certainly hurt the most because of my stack size, the fact it was a slow speed tournament, the fact I was really enjoying it and had a great chance to make some good money.

I don’t know what more to say. I’m very upset with myself.

Maybe I need to work on my play around the blinds. The only other questionable hand I played was a button open raise with A6s. BB shoved which put me all in - I called and hit the ace beating TT. But I was relatively short stacked then so had more reason to take the chance.

Does anybody have any advice about how to play ace high in late position/blinds? And how to play there in general when it’s been folded around to the button?

If there had been a raise from any other position then I would have instantly folded both the A6s and the A2os. But because I assume that a button raise is probably an attempt to steal the blinds, I sometimes loosen up my range significantly to include most A high hands. But in the case of the A2, being deep stacked and not needing to risk chips, I think either folding, calling or raise/folding are okay here; literally any option but shoving. If I had played consistently with how I had played the rest of the tournament then I would have folded, but I seemed to quickly think “f*** it, if I shove he’ll probably fold”. Obviously with the implied assumption that he’s probably trying to steal blinds with a mediocre hand. Stupid and unnecessary.

He's entitled to open the button with a relatively wide range. He is guaranteed position v two crappy ranges with dead money to be scooped.

Using emotive terms like steal the blinds can drive some to entitlement spaz punts with appalling risk/reward. You tried to artificially steal his ability to play in position with a 60bb 3bet.

If you want to get emotional at anyone, let it be the preposterous SB's who min open with wide ranges. Now those guys are trying to punk you.

OP I’ve spaz punted more large stacks in mtts than I care to remember

Lose the self loathing for a tic. Think hard about your exact thought process in this hand. Really break it down and be as honest with yourself as you can. It might take a solid few minutes. Something triggered the fight or flight part of your brain and you need to figure out what that was.

All of us think we have Holz-like calm analytical minds in poker, but the reality is that poker is as much about controlling impulse as it is about technique.

Oldsilver, thanks for the response - I needed exactly that response.

I did something similar last night in the $215 Pokerstars main event. Approaching the bubble with about 75bb after playing solidly. I’m dealt AK in early position and raise to about 2.7bb. I get a called by the cutoff. Flop comes AT3 rainbow. I instant check as I do often do out of position (mistake number one). Turn comes a 5. I bet about 2.5bb and get called (mistake number2). River comes another T. I panic and immediately realise how badly I’ve played this hand by not raising strong off the flop. Cutoff raises. My immediate thought is that he probably has a ten, but not wanting to admit my mistake and with my calm mind completely lost, I go all in. Needless to say, he had the ten and I was left with 10bb. The feeling of frustration and regret is huge. If I lose by being outplayed or getting unlucky, then fair enough. But when I lose to preventable mistakes when actually I do know better but just have a hand where I lose my head - that’s very tough to take.

As you said, I need to figure out what triggers the fight or flight response, which basically clouds my whole perspective and causes the mistake.

Read the book "Choke" by Sian Beilock to get an idea of what's going on physiologically when you, well, choke like this. And that's what I'd characterize your play in these hands as--a choke.

That term "choke" shouldn't be stigmatized, it's not a personal attack (and literally everyone who's ever done anything remotely competitive has choked multiple times). Your body and mind are doing real things that lead to a choke. And there are strategies you can use during and outside of competition to prevent it (or at least minimize the chance of it happening).

Cutoff choked stationing with trips. In what world don't we have top boat?!

I look at every tournament as a learning experience.

So first I deal with the pain. Shouting 4 letter words in my car with the windows rolled up usually does the trick. Experiments have shown that pain is reduced when cursing.

What I have realized over time is that when I say stuff out loud like "I can't believe I'm behind now" that I have to actually listen to my instincts. And act on them. When you thought to yourself that you should fold A2o in the BB to a raise from any position, then listen to yourself. It may not be the right play always but trust your subconscious that you will misplay that hand enough to make folding worth it.

Also, make a mental note that HU 3-bet shoving anything more than 25 blinds to a raise is likely risking too much for too little gain with any hand. And with AA you stand to gain too little for such a big opportunity. With 60+ blinds it just makes no sense. I have heard some expert announcers recently justify 3-bet shoving up to 35 blinds as +EV but unless you suck at post flop poker, I think it is silly.

I just punted a small tourney when I was tired because I acted too quickly. I'm trying to learn from that. But it is a slow process because when I am really tired I do make bad choices. So I am also working on not playing when I'm really tired...

When we choke. But yeah OPs line looks super strong in that hand lol.

My steering wheel has also heard terrible things after a tournament

Cursing makes you feel mother*****ng goooood

My hope was that I was pushing him off a bluff or off a set with top boat. But I should have learned by now that merely hoping doesn’t get you very far in poker. Maybe if I had raised about 5x his raise, he may have seen the raise as more likely to be top boat than a spaz punt.

Hmmm what is the point of ripping 50-60 bbs with A2o here? Way too deep to do this I feel. Villian has to be raising every hand to even consider this. I feel 3 bet/ Cbet is better and you don’t risk tourny life but that’s how I feel.

Probably fine if you Jam20 bbs in spot like this vs agg opponent. With 60bbs, you can find much better spots so no real reason to risk it I feel.

Exactly this. Hence my frustration and wanting to understand what happens to my when impulse supersedes rationality.

Just learn from it and don’t do it again. It’s not worth shipping 60bbs for a mere 5 bbs with a hand that does horrible against Villians calling range. I think you would be better of 3 bet/ folding in a spot like this. Probably just a fold though unless villian is super laggy from lp. If 3 bet though, you probably have a Cbet most flops

Everyone makes mistakes in mtts. Just learn from it.

Completely agree. Do you have any thoughts on the other hand I posted?

On reflection of my thought process in the latter hand that posted - I think the mistake begins with overvaluing top pair top kicker. I must have immediately assumed that I would finish the hand strongest and therefore let the hand play out instead of killing it with a big raise on the flop and turn. I gave him a free turn card and cheap river, hoping to get bluffed on the river.

So the lesson must be to kill the pot quickly in this situation and not get attached to my hand. I got excited when the ace came out on the flop and wanted to maximise value by disguising my hand. Rather than excited I should have been cautious of 2 pair and sets, and not seen it as a spot to maximise value. I flopped a full house with AQ earlier in the tournament - played the hand the same way as this one and doubled up. It can be a profitable play with the nuts. I severely overvalued AA with K kicker.

I often instant check when playing from the blinds out of position, but it was a mistake to do so from utg when I needed to bet flop.

And my biggest mistake may have been not folding river, putting V on a set and knowing I had played the hand badly. I lost about 650,000 of my 800,000 chips when I could have only lost about 50,000. Because I didn’t want to accept loss of a pot that I know I should have already won.

Is this an ego problem? Or did I tilt? Or a ‘hope’ problem? I simply hoped I was wrong and would recapture the pot by shoving, rather than going with my gut?

Two days running, I’m one of the top 10% stacks and I blow both stacks with impulsive shoves. This is certainly something I need to get my head around. I’ve taken a break from playing to study and reflect. If anybody knows of an study material that can help me deal with this, it would be much appreciated.

I think you should consider playing lower while you reconstruct your game. Beyond the results orientated reverse engineering of hands, I think it's poor that you'd think checking flop with AK is a better way to maximise value than betting.

The 109 pool will likely be shrewd enough to know that the checking range of a random on Axx is significantly stronger than his betting range so aren't just going to recklessly blast off because you checked. Thanks for the freeroll, villain probably thought.

I usually do play lower stakes but there were a few higher stakes tournaments I fancied playing in the winter series. Unfortunately, because I don’t have so much invested in lower stakes tournaments, I don’t seem to give them the same attention or caution as I do higher stakes. Another leak I need to fix.

Do you have any suggestions on how best to reconstruct my game?

Maybe all roads lead back to the mental game leaks. Not completed it myself but The Mental Game Of Poker by Tendler is highly thought of.

I say that because it's imperative that you understand you want to be called on the turn with AK on ATxx by Tx. If the pain of beats is now more important to you than maximising then you should address that first. If you are able to separate mistakes from bad outcomes due to variance you'd be able to reconstruct much of your own game through old fashioned trial and error.

I have listened to the mental game of poker audiobook, I have been thinking of relistening.

I did want to be called on the turn, but I still consider not raising the flop a mistake, and also not raising more on the turn. That isn’t based only on reflection of this hand, but on my entire poker experience. My best results in poker have come when I have consistently tried to win pots as quickly as possible, barring nutty hands. And the river shove was against my better judgement, along with the A2 shove in the previous hand description. I don’t put these losses down to variance but to not folding when I know I should, which is the fundamental issue in both hands.

I’m not trying to argue against what you have said and I very much appreciate the feedback - this is just how I see the situation.

why did you do it bro?

But flop bet or check, turn bet or check, these decisions are relatively minor and relatively close/debateable and all are +EV. The gross error was the river 3b all in after you knew you'd been outdrawn.

So the solution is not to work out how not to be outdrawn because you will be outdrawn whether you play perfectly or not. You need to learn how to react rationally in the event of the outdraw but I know how you feel, perceived mistakes leading to bad outcomes feels way worse. However a) flop and turn weren't "mistakes" b) throwing good money after bad is irrational c) everybody gets outdrawn all the time, this is the game you chose