My life is stucked since many many years. Yes, I had and I have huge issues on many layers but let's face it; I cannot do anything but accept responsibility of my own soul. Right now, my life is a total trainwreck, I got an unknown physical disease that haunt me every single day preventing me to enjoy life. I also have psychological problems due my troublesome upbringing. My financial situation is abysmal, pretty much, I barely survive.

I've made a lot of errors in my life, but I've always mantained the hope and the willingness to bust my ass off. My psychoterapist told me that it is a real miracle that I'm still alive even if I had the deck stacked against me. I play micros for a very long time, that I'm ashamed of myself. Basically, I've cashout every single month and I haven't allowed my bankroll to flourish. I think I've logged more than 3M hands at NL25.

Many years ago I had dreams, I had expectations and ambitions but they are dimmed now. The hope and the willingness to work is still there but what I see is a big steep road ahead, well, maybe it's more like a vertical wall than an clear walkable path. I struggle because I feel I got unexpressed potential and the time is passing. Right now in my early 30s I gotta do something. Sometimes, my future seems bright, while other times it is daunting.

Poker is still my best option if I want to escape the rat race, but I have to tackle it in a different way. If I keep doing the same things as I did in the last years, chances are my past will become my future.

---

I got a lot to recall, but I will do as the post rolls by. For now, every day I want to make a post. Everyday, I will post write for about 20 minutes about my day, what can I improve, what errors I've made and hopefully some lifechanging breaktrough. I don't expect to become popular, I'd just like one day, to look back and see how far I went.

I Hope you the best for your life

3/15/2019



Above you can see my spreadsheet to track my daily activities... I gotta tweak it a little bit, since I got some issues tracking poker study time, so at the end of the day, it logs less poker related time

I'm pretty happy that I've completed my 'cellphone ban' routine. Basically, I'm quite addicted to glue my eyes on my phone, without doing anything actually. I just browse random junk and I squander my time. I acknowledge my willpower isn't that great, so I decided to hide my phone at certain timeframes:
- from after breakfast to early afternoon
- when I go to the library and/or gym
- when I return to home till bed time
It seems quite isolating but it isn't actually. I'm focusing on myself and since I'm in a huge mess, there's no point to waste any more time.
I've found this article quite insighful

I'm definitely not happy with my poker. I'm not allocating the right time to my work. Basically, I procrastinate a lot, probably because of my fear of failure. Dunno exactly, but it is clear that something scares me. Probably I also think I'm not strategically prepared enough to beat higher levels

it's time to post a good reminder of how my games are

Best of luck!

What are your poker related goals? And what is the point system you are using in your schedule?

I'm very good at long term planning but very bad actualizing it. So I've decided to focus on my short term goals. Poker related? I want to move up to NL50 definitely.
I'm not skilled, but I've got 100kish hands at NL50 with positive winrate, over my huge micro career.
The problem is my lack of money, so I want to focus on play NL25 and shoot NL50 asap.

Ty for reading mate

3/16/2019

Today was a good day at the tables.


Epic misread of my hand, I thought I had AK... I've realized it when I won the pot and I didn't understand why


Micros aren't beatable (limped AK due to SB aggro monkey, but surprisingly he didn't enter the pot )


I don't have much more to add beside that I'm still wasting a lot of time when I'm in front of the screen. I've built some AHK scripts that in the past helped me preventig distractions, but now I disable them to browse random things.
Tomorrow I'm going install FocusMe, a 3rd party tool that should ban all my distractions. Let's see whether it works

Gl in the quest. Just know, we all struggle, but we shouldnt let those moments define us.
I struggle a lot myself, depression and other stuff. And also feel at times that my poker dream is super alive and sometimes feel extremely low about the whole experience of grinding this beatiful game. But, during my dark times, im conscious about reaching a turning point where my willingness to bust my ass for a better future gets to me. Not saying thats the way to go, but just appreciating that every day is a new beginning and a new oportunity to prove ourself who we really are and where we really want to be, maybe a good take on this issue.
Routing for you, ill keep reading your updates.

Ty for the support me. I feel what your said and I'm 100% on board with you.
Let's see how our lives develop

Good luck bro, my life has been messy too and the last 12 months have been a fiasco but I always tell myself it could be worse and as long as I have my health and some long term goals to aim for theres always hope.

Unfortunately I'm not that healthy and this is discouraging sometimes.
I hope you the best for your life

Yeah sorry mate I misread your opening post. I just meant having things to look forward to. Good luck with your poker goals.

3/17/2019

Today was a very slow and unproductive day. I woke up late, I didn’t complete my routines and I didn’t play as much as I should.
Beside that, I’m really glad that a new app, FocusMe, is what I’ve looked for a very long time. I just set up a timeframe which any distraction is banned and I cannot get around it, love it.
Right now I force myself to use my phone only in specific timeframes, and in order to get max results, I hide it and make it difficult to reach. Right now it works really well so I don’t waste my time surfing random s**t.
When I will buy the new phone, I will install FocusMe on Android, so instead of hide my phone, I can use it without any browsing, social or messaging app.

I’ve developed a PT4 replayer deck, maybe developed is an overkill, it’s just a modification of the default one. If someone is interested in it, just post here or drop me a PM and I will deliver.




Today, I’ve visited my gradma tombstone, it was touching. Probably, that woman saved my life, literally. When she died I visited daily the graveyard for about one year, never skipping one single day. I was a strong urge and it never felt like a burden, but a pleasure. Ty grandma


Let’s say today was my day off, but tomorrow I’ll resume my regular grind at the tables and in life.

From 3/18 to 3/20

Poker

Results from the start of the blog



I'm running pretty good, probably the blog bring some luck on me


Some hands

Villain is an non-believer


Limp-3Bet and call OTT for pure value


Epic cooler vs an extremely aggro reg




Regarding my poker study routine, as you can see below I made a roadmap, where basically I have to complete a step in order to work on the next one. This should help me a lot, since I get lost many many times



Focus time
Well, FocusMe is really great, it bans browsers and messaging apps and allows me to fully focus on the task at hand. However, I've encountered another issue, ok I cannot waste my time on browsers, but I can open up my download folder and watch some Rick and Morty episode or just procrastinate on whatever I got.
Problem solved, I've moved, my entire download folder, into another HHD. This disk is removable, so I've just hid it in my other house. Let's see how it works

Routines
I haven't sticked to my routines as much as I should and as much I did in the past. A few couple issues arrised.
When I eat, I became somewhat sluggish and unwilling to do things. I don't know whether this is just laziness or procrastination or a real problem because I eat too much. I'll try a quick solution and go from there.
I have to study one unit of english grammar book, each time after meals, but I didn't do it once. For now, I will simply just relax on the couch while study a bit of english.
Regarding blogging, well, I didn't blogged for 2 days in a row, the reason is that, I play a lot and when I finish my last session I'm quite tired. The only thing I want to do is to stand up and relax. Probably, I will move my blog writing from my prebed routine to another time in the day