Been posting / playing poker for quite a while, and I'm a huge ****ing fish. Been trying to up my game in HUNL the format I love the most despite being dead. Not sure how, but let my life get pretty ****ed up. Poker has always been a big part of it, and overall definitely a negative to this point. There's a whole lot I could say, and is on my mind, but will try to keep it short.

Outside of poker, I would say I'm pretty lucky to be in the spot I am considering I grew up poor in the pseudo ghetto. 34 married to a beautiful woman, live in an amazing house/city, CPA and Financial Controller of a growing hedge fund, etc. And I really enjoy my job overall. It's not all good though, I have some major concerns about the direction of my life, and feel more lost now then when I was in my 20's for some reason. Also for some reason poker has always been this elusive thing which I have not been able to master. Probably made every mistake in the book in terms of poker and personal finances. I've deposited busted, run it up busted, etc etc countless times.

I think poker is symbolic of what I would consider my main personal defect - emotional control. It's ironic because I've always been known to be super even keel, composed, etc. to those on the outside. But for some reason somehow poker unravels that in me, and quickly. In my view, to master poker I have to master my personal defect so I think that is what has kept me motivated. I played well over 100k hands last year so reasonable volume IMO. I'm addicted to the gamboooollll, been known to dust off 30 BI in a day. Basically my natural disposition in poker is the exact opposite of what you need to do to win.

I've developed a framework strategy that I think give me good frequencies in most spots, and a method for implementing that (which IMO is one of the hardest things to do, implement). I've decided my best chance to overcome the tilt is to always have a defined, structured, process for my decision making. Focus on the data and what the resulting decision is. DONT try to interpret game flow precisely.

Getting to the point now.
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- Play 20k hands at $5 HUNL for now.
- Post progress every 1k hands OR for the day if I played more than 1k hands in a day
- Follow my laid out strategy no matter what.
- Try try try and disconnect emotionally from the matches, just play the strat, click the buttons and stick to it no matter what.

I'm quite confident my strategy is good so if I can't be disciplined enough to execute without falling into monkey tilt then I'm going to have to take a significant break from poker because the time spent just isn't worth it.

**** all the 55/45/10 nits playing HUNL.

Sounds like life is pretty good for you off the felt and pretty s****y on it. Enjoy being with the beautiful woman you married and your life with her and spend more time with her being happy as opposed to taking poker so seriously which obviously isn't fun for you, tilts the hell out of you, and makes you miserable and bleed money....... seems like a no brainier!