Sup guys.

Here's a link to my old thread.

https://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/1...40/index2.html

Basically not many of the goals were met from the past thread. Honestly not too happy about that. Have struggled with basically every aspect of life, and have failed to grasp a lot of concepts in poker. The past couple of months have been swingy emotionally, and my confidence has swung even more. I go from thinking I know a thing about this game to thinking I don't know anything. It does not matter how many people tell me I am good if I can't genuinely feel that. I feel mediocre in almost all aspects of life, and I have trouble dealing with toxic inner emotions. The most common one is a self belief that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. This last one mostly from running pretty under ev in important moments of my life. I don't think time has been wasted 100%, I do feel like I have grown a lot, but in some sick way I feel stuck. I feel like I can give more and do more. I feel suffocated by the untapped potential. I feel even worse when I see the poker community. It is filled with toxicity. For some reason poker brings out everyone's egos. You see people endlessly arguing about gto vs exploitative play when at the end of the day its all the same. We are all just trying to exploit each other. I have taken part in this circus. For some reason it's nice to make fun of others, I have normalized the concept of "autistic"(how is this a thing??). Also made fun of people in poker, a good example is Charlie Carrel/dnegs, because of how he carries himself/things he says, it's pretty easy to talk **** about him, but it's still no excuse. It's sad to see the amount of energy Doug Polk put in to this guy. People are quick to call Charlie bad but don't realize what some top poker players are doing when adjusted. To the naked eye, it would be considered "bad". I think it is important to stop and ask yourself "why am I doing x". I could go on about this...

I know there is a Brightside, it's not the end of the world. I am committed to improving in all aspects. I am tired of being **** at this game, tired of giving out donations, and tired of being mediocre. At the root of all of this is fear of failure. I know in my last post I stated I lost a lot of fear, however I do recognize it's not all fully gone. There is something ****ed about giving something your all and failing, which is why I think a lot of people don't do it. But **** it, I have nothing to lose.

So let's start off with my biggest leaks... Volume. Too often I get seduced by pio solver and end up spending too much time with it. I know it's not bad to study but it is a good way to avoid reality. In my case the reality of running bad/sucking at this game. Avoidance mixed with emotional problems is a good way to not play a lot of poker. I will avoid all app poker and just dedicate myself to grinding 200nl fast tables. I know I won't have the biggest edge there or winrate, but it'll be a good way to get more experience. I think I attached too much of my identity with the stakes that I played. Always pushing for higher stakes I think is a problem. There is going to be a cap to the stakes that can be played. So focusing more on the process/ improving is more important. I have a lot of leaks in my game anyways, So I am not in a rush to play higher.


So here are some poker goals for the next 12 months.
- Learn to play short stacks/Deep stacked poker + Polish up my 100bb game/understanding.
- Play at least 50k hands per month.
- Understand how other people understand poker better. I make a lot of mistakes because of flawed assumptions.



Life goals.
- Deadlift 180kg by the end of the year (currently at 130kgs// My weight is 70kgs)
- Bench-press 110kgs by the end of the year (currently at 65kgs)
- Squat 110kgs by the end of the year (Currently at 65kgs also), this one is weird because on the leg press I do about 200kgs, So I think I can for sure get my squat numbers up. I've just used the leg press more so i am more used to it.
- Meditate Daily
- Practice yoga 3-4 times per week.
- Be kind to myself and others. I don't want to catch myself saying "that guy sucks" or anything like that. Tbh I dont give a ****, its just an ego boost to say these things.

Not sure what else to add, if anyone has any ideas shoot em

Here are my most recent results since I switched to gg.



It has honestly been very testing, But I am still going to show up. It's funny how much drama I create for myself hahah, Life is most likely a simulation and nothing is as important as we make it out to be haha. Aight thats it!

We are living the same reality but in alternative universe. I know exactly how you feel as I have been feeling the same way. Its comforting to know I'm not alone in the pursuit up the mountain. I hope to see you when I get there.

Good luck, man!

in and gllllll

GL! That rungood will come

Sup guys thanks

Been working a ton. Found some leaks today after sharing some hh with a friend. lol

Gl man, that's one brutal graph. Got to look at the positives there, you're still maintaining a pretty solid yellow line in spite of the diff between green and yellow.

Just trying to be constructive here, but I'm not sure your aims are set out in the best way possible, some of them anyway. For example, I haven't done any bench press for a while, but moving from 65 to 110kg in 8 months seems like you're not giving yourself room for your progression to slow. And, that is a big aim, feels like you're setting yourself up to fail, so not being too kind on yourself there.

I'm just guessing here, but I get the feeling you don't have too much structure involved in your poker playing and studying, especially in terms of time management. If that's the case, it might be worth having a goal around that. For example, you could have a goal to set a daily schedule, and stick to it as best possible. Maybe you need more focus in your study, so instead of just grinding pio, you could spend your next few study sessions figuring out what your biggest leaks/areas to focus are. Then, you could plan how to improve those areas, and then carry out those plans.

Not trying to criticise, just trying to be constructive, coz I can relate to some of what you're struggling with. I've found (for life in general) that the best way to focus on the process is to pay plenty of attention to those little things that make a routine.

Overall a good post but if OP adds 2kg to his press per week its entirely doable in the 8 month time frame. I don't remember the first post but maybe 1 rep is considered success so if that's the case I think its possible. I agree with everything else you said vnp.

Yo I think you may be right, will look into this more, for sure don't want to rush anything here. Going to go add 2.5kgs per week and deload every 4-5weeks, will see how things go with this plan/ how i feel with it. Anyways today was feeling pretty good so went for PR in squat, felt pretty good at 95kgs. so going to do 5x5 at 80% or 76kgs, and then start to add there. Also did 220kgs at the leg press, however felt like it was a bit much, so don't mind keeping this at 200kg. Would recommend using a belt, I felt a big difference using that today/ last session with the deadlifts, felt like I got more stability.

Poker wise today I binged watched some sauce123 videos, didn't know he had a series called "gambling and variance". Some pretty good stories in there , and he spoke a lot about mental game. There are some things I am not doing very well. Like for example playing fast pools that are too reg heavy, tbh I don't mind it, cause I like to play "tougher" opponents, however I am kinda realizing no one is really that good at 200 lol,
everyone has a lot of leaks and imbalances all over the place. So going to follow Sauces advice and work a lot on my game and in the meantime table select. Pretty funny because this is exactly what I did and immediately got ****d hahaha. but we came back no worries. I would say the reg tables are way softer haha and I think the nl500 reg tables play more like 200 fast give or take. Fwiw other guys I found to be good on here are Slaski and Clanty.
Drluck3 was also good but I don't think he's making any new videos... rip.

Appreciate the feedback. I am somewhat structured, but will be more solid with this, will come up with something by tomorrow!


Hell yeah 1 rep is success hahaha

and god said let there be fiyah, and there was fiyah

Also this podcast with Max Holloway was pretty sick. Insane how much weight he gives to mental game. Passport to crazy land bitchess

April Review:

Got completely ****ed hahaha. but its all ok feeling alright about things. I know its just a rough distribution, so gotta keep pushing.

I learned a lot, been studying/playing/ running more sims than ever. To be completely honest it feels ****ing terrible, at times I feel like I am losing my mind haha Although with each peak frustration moment, i get less and less attached to any sense of attachment to what I am/ or reality... kinda snap out of it in a while and realize its silly to feel this bad. I do however question how such a **** distribution is possible, obviously I'm making some punts, but to get in a position to make these punts so often is pretty sick.... So usually its like a lot of frustration -> Which leads to a lot of studying/reviewing.

Still pushing, did a lot of work on my preflop game, which I think is pretty weak. Pretty insane I'm playing 200 and higher being a fish in this area... So been figuring out a lot of things, I think the pool plays pretty different than solver ranges in some spots, so its pretty important to identify this and work around it

Some things to work on are
1)Toxic emotions. Felt a lot of jealousy yesterday when I saw some regs that I know for sure are worse than me playing 1knl "That should be me" lol... Don't wanna feel this ****
2) Work pretty hard on pre flop
3) Just continue to show up every day.
4) Love over fear
5) Volume


Yesterday I went to the beach to read and get some sun. Got some coffee and the two bartenders there were pretty amazed to see a Costarican hhaha, they said I should come around later, so I did. When I got back there were some dudes playing chess haha. Pretty interesting to see at a beachfront bar in the middle of the day. I observed the game and then they asked if I wanted to play. Got my ass whopped hahaha. "chess is in our blood" "why do you think Russians always win" haha there is some truth to this I guess. Anyways became friends with these guys, then the table broke, and I was about to go home and one of them said If i was going to drink anymore? at about4PM. I said "sure why not" hahah.. this turned into many hours of drinking, I felt my soul drifting away at times, these people can drink hahah His girlfriend was pretty cool and eventually the dude went home because he drank too much. She asked if i liked anyone there, I pointed to one and said "shes like an 8 but im also pretty drunk"... "shes a 6" she responded. So I said "lets flip a coin, heads you introduce her" hahaha obviously roll the no introduction. So i told her we gotta flip until we hit matchh.. haha She then introduced me to a bunch of her friends. So somehow a reading session got me into a pretty high ev spot hahaha They were all pretty cool, I was surprised when they were all pretty kind in interested in talking, usually all the Balkan girls walk around with a resting ***** face, so it kinda makes you think theyre like that, but nahhh theyre chill... Anyways way later some dude I had met earlier said he and his girlfriend were gunna go to another bar and if i wanted to join, and with them was the girl I wanted to meet, so I said yeah sure hahaaha.. So end up going to a different bar and chatted with the girl, turns out shes into poker and casino games hahaha ****kk.... I told her poker was ok but to stay away from the roulette hahahah... to be continued....

Goals for May

1) Play 75k hands. I think this may be tough since I am playing a lot of reg tables. But we shall see.
2) Start to run some 200bbs spots
3) gym 4-5 days per week.

4) Meditate Daily
5) Yoga 3-4 days a week
6) Finish "Taming your outer child"

Results for April

Keep it up
Sometimes u gotta take these roulette :-))

April was a bad month for me too unfortunately, thingz can only get better this month! Def work on that preflop game because that's the foundation of everything

not trying to be harsh but to me the fact that your running more sims and studying more is more or less a way of self denial and not wanting to face the downswing. If you have the game to win at 200nl with say 3-4BB/100, studying more sims to make your winrate to 5BB/100 is good, but if you dont log in the volume, all would go to waste since you wont have the sample size to realize that edge. ALso linus put in close to 1million hands at 200 before moving up any stakes.

and your volume of 30K for a professional is quite low.

take my advice with a grain of salt. gl on your endeavors

no gambol no futah hahah thanks man

Fo sho man!! Lot's of focus going here for the various stack sizes Gl in May as well!!

No worries man! Appreciate you taking the time to give feedback! I think in the past studying more was a way of avoidance, at the moment it really isn't. I'm being very objective with my studying, really trying to figure out my leaks. As for the volume, I agree it's a leak, I've never been much of a grinder because what motivates me more is figuring out the game and usually when I push volume it leads to autopilot + feeling shitty... I do need to figure this out because I do think I can beat the pool, but I think I need more volume to really see at what rate.

Tough run man! Taking a little bit of a step back and studying what went wrong (if anything) is a good idea. It's very easy to slip into bad thought processes in this crazy game. Keep strong!

Sup guys! Gotta be honest and say haven't really felt like writing in here haha, but feeling it right now, so lets go....

The past couple of weeks have been dope. Have made a lot of friends here, which has led to a lot of going out and not being so gto lifewise. I got the party bug out and basically not going out anymore. I should make a blog for "drunk on rakija" lol. Man can the locals drink lol.. Now I am feeling very motivated to grind and to study a ton. One of my best friends, came over now from the states and we have been talking a ton of poker and doing a lot of work,

I'm motivated by some of my friends that are advancing and playing higher/understanding the game at very interesting levels. I no longer feel jealous of them, but happy for them, because I now understand that we receive what we give. I find myself playing catch up with them now, and that's alright I have learned to respect my opponents. I am not the only one putting in work, there are a lot of grinders out there putting in solid work, and nothing will be handed out easily. I also learned to respect the rakeback grinders, even though their game might be weak, they still show up every day and put in super long hours and just push through whatever run they have. And they are special for that, I don't think I'd be able to do a leaderboard grind seriously. I am motivated by all the guys at the top with young children and other obligations, a couple come to mind but some shout outs to zas91 and teunuss, also never really mentioned it but teunuss made some solid mental game content on rio if anyone is interested in the topic. Lastly motivated by all the guys skating 3 and 2 handed. It is really amazing to see these guys battle because you just see how much work they've put in. Watching these battles has motivated me to start more tables and play more reg battles, yolo.

I have made my peace that poker will be something that I will love and hate, and there's nothing wrong with that. Some days it will bring the best out of me, and some days it will bring the worst out. Also convinced that I'm going to be the ****er that doesn't give up, no matter what. Just going to keep pushing until I can't anymore. I know that the harder I work the more things will start to work out, anything else is just an excuse. It's very easy to blame variance for bad results but very easy to ignore huge EV punts in a bunch of hidden spots. Let's just say that going through my database was a humbling experience. However I think I am at the point where I can execute pretty well and correct errors in lines/ranges pretty fast. I think this helps to be way more open about errors in general, because instead of hiding mistakes I'm just really interested in the truth. An example of that is in the following hands.

#1 vs Teunuss just straight up not meant to be raising his cbet. and my whole range construction in this hand was just wrong. Basically getting owned here. To not get too detailed here, I learned a ton from this spot, so namaste brotha.


https://i.gyazo.com/1435bd785f77e72f...0b394a4281.png


#2 dunno this guy but he seems to be playing a lot. I think the whole hand is pretty interesting, but the river is what gets me, you could argue that the river is a check back at equilibrium, however the equilibrium is always shifting, so to just make a play cause "its gto" is just far off, and we should always be thinking deeper into the spots, I don't feel terrible because at least I max timebanked each street and played it the best of my ability instead of insta acting. But also learned a lot in this spot, especially otr. but I did miss a river bet here which is what I meant with "there are ev punts everywhere". Motivated to catch more and more of these.



#3 a little welcome party at 500z xD





The gym has been going well, still putting in work, feeling pretty good.



Anyways to wrap it up.. results so far this month..



Its been nice catching some heat, but tbh its kinda w.e, something hit me recently where I kinda get its all about the journey and not the destination. Enjoy the grind, the people around and the places you go to.

Some pics of Durmitor.

glgl man absolutely beautiful place you are in. Makes me want to move to an eastern european country for a year or two.

H1 I don't think this flop will ever be raised, you are right, as TT, KK, and AK will rip pre so you are severely capped. You do have some AA, but I think calling and folding make sense with your range.

H2 is interesting as well, like you I'd instinctively check the 9 thinking that his range is too polar to bet. He only has 96s and a fraction of a combo of T9s, so I think betting is a bit thin. Unless you think he never traps the river.

Nice blog, good luck and have fun!

I admire your self awareness man.

GL!

[QUOTE=2021shipit;57182097]glgl man absolutely beautiful place you are in. Makes me want to move to an eastern european country for a year or two.

Thanks man . Would totally recommend Montenegro, if you want more details hmu. Would also recommend Croatia and Serbia.



Thank you man!



Appreciate the kind words man But recently I have learned I am not self aware enough haha.. I'll write a bit about it.

GL to you all as well! Namaste!

Sup guys, been a while since the last post, been super busy with poker and also with just enjoying the summer. So here's a bit of an update. In Montenegro I was in Herceg Novi for a while, and it was just ****ing amazing. I gotta say tho that I did go out way too many times there, the weather being nice/ things being cheap is a good combination to slack off a little. I also met a girl there, she's German(Serbian mother), and basically have been going out for a bit over a month now. I don't really know where this is going but I'm in for the ride. Going out with someone is actually tough I have found out, it does take focus away from poker, but I think it gives more than it takes especially if you like the person a decent amount. Anyhow, ended up going with her to Budva, and with my amigo Timoslav. Pretty cool to be in the area where they hold the Triton event. While I was there, there was actually a "festival" going on and was able to meet B.a.angelov there. Shout out to him, pretty cool dude I actually rushed to the airport after that to catch a flight to Serbia. The taxi driver literally was insane, he was talking about how marihuana just doesn't quite do it for him anymore, cause it just gets him paranoid, so now he just does Heroin. lol. At the same time he is also stating how he has to quit it because this is no way to live life lmfao, but then he'd make this euphoric face when he spoke about how magical the high is hahahah... I got to the airport earlier than my gf, So I went to check in before, at the check in they said I needed a pcr test, I did the antigen test, so I told her I'd come back later because my girlfriend had my pcr test and I was waiting for her to arrive lol... obv she didnt have ****... anyhow when she got there we just took pics of the antigen test with her phone, and then she went to check in, worked some serbian magic showed her the phone and they let us check in.... ****ing ridiculous lol... this whole pcr bs is such a scam... Got on the flight and everything was ok... belgrade has been pretty ****ing beautiful I must say. I don't think people talk about it as much but I find it really neat. The architecture is insane, and also the girls are ****ing beautiful. I don't really mind the culture, people seem a bit more open minded. it has been really hot tho so I haven't really explored the city much, but I will make an effort to visit some galleries this week since I will most likely be leaving soon.

Poker wise, stuff has been meh. Started to play NL1K, and I just gotta say that this was a dream since for ever, same as playing 500z. I think I don't really feel anything towards it, on one hand I feel proud of myself for making it to this point, but on the other hand I am just a **** reg when you compare me to an elite player. The difference in skill is just absurd in my opinion. What I have learned is that it's just literally a stake and it really means nothing. I think I have been really wrapped up ego wise with the stakes that I play. Even thoughts such as "this stake is too low to play". I think that's an insane thing to say. I am the same being/person at 50z or 500z or w.e stake. My self worth shouldn't even be associated to it, but it does end up flirting at times. This is something I need to work on. There is so much work to be done that it is literally frightening. and becoming aware of your leaks is a bit overwhelming I think, especially if you find too many haha. Not saying I am not happy to have found them tho.

Goals for August.

Play 125 hours minimum.
Gym 5x a week.
Study 1 hour minimum a day.
Warm up/cool down exercises every day.

I'll keep it simple and in reach for now. Other than that not much more going on, would like to do some coaching if anyone is interested, ideally would like to pick someone up from 25z/50z and bring them up to 200z.

Cheers all

I want to start this post by stating my admiration for David Diaz, what a guy! In case you don’t know who this is, here is a link to his pgc.

https://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/1...nl40k-1694662/



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-N3TQEX3zk

The podcast was amazing and I recommend everyone watch it. I always enjoyed watching his poker videos because of the fluidity with which he can speak about poker concepts, and the way he realizes just how beautiful poker is. Poker is not static it is dynamic, it is ever changing. Every spot you have played or will ever play will be unique. Wow, just don’t know what to write because so many of the thoughts I have about poker were spoken about in this podcast. One of the main ones is, you don’t really ever know what you should ask for in a hand. For example, You could be on a non nutflush draw in a 3bet pot, and you can be asking the poker gods for the card that completes the flush, but you don’t know if the other guy has the nut flush draw, and that if you get there you will also get stacked. All we can do in this game is show up, and try to take the decision with the highest ev, whatever it may be, and that’s all we can do. Removing emotion is so so important.

I think it’s important to clarify this last part. I don’t think we should suppress our emotions. If anything, we should dive deep into them, and see why they are driving us to do certain actions. We should strive to learn the bottom layer of our emotions, but we should not allow them to influence our decision making in poker. Something I realized recently is that my execution wasn’t as good because I was way way too driven by emotions, and recently I have changed that quite a bit and things are going much better. Tilt or whatever other emotion you may feel usually has roots outside of poker and it’s important to get to the bottom of it.

Removing social media.

I am going to try this out for the next month or so, but will basically be off of socials. I think I don’t really get that much from it, except the networking part, but I can live without that for a little while. I find myself too often wanting to capture the moment (picture or video) instead of just living the moment and enjoying it. I don’t need to share every single part of my life with everyone, no matter how beautiful it is.
Killing the ego.
I think social media is very much tied up with my ego. I think most people’s ego are in there as well. We all sort of create this image of who we are, or how we want to be seen by everyone else. Which is why I think some people work so hard to make theyre profiles seem amazing. If I think about why I want to share a post or whatever on social media, my first response is to share it with the world, so that my friends can see it etc…. but why? Why do I feel the need to do this? Because I am getting something out of it or because it is helping someone else grow? I think too often it isn’t the second one.

I am also going to take at least 1 day off a week from poker, and any technology.



And last here is an article I really enjoyed reading, it’s from The economist 1984 issue. It made me realize many things. I screenshotted it so you guys can read it. Anyhow main takeaways are, cultivating a healthy relationship with yourself and with what you’re doing. There is no need to be perfect. Only a need to give it your all and keep moving forward. Perfection is not a thing and never will be, I’ll leave that for a celestial being. I think we need to find what works for us, and just put everything we have into it. I think self-love and self-acceptance is important. At the end of the day you are the only person that will be with yourself through good and bad, the only one that will truly take care of your needs, and that will strive for your happiness, so might as well have a nice relationship with that person �� <3

Cheers to you all.

https://imgur.com/a/QYLajZa