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Poker Goals & Challenges Post your threads logging your travels up the poker ladder as you achieve your poker goals and dreams. "Challenges" does NOT mean prop bets, wagers, etc.

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Old 08-15-2019, 04:06 PM   #176
BenaBadBeat
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

Thank you for explaining what has clearly been an unimaginably emotional and challenging experience. It makes perfect sense, and as suspected, my perspective is only that of an outsider looking in - I missed some crucial elements. I have a lot more thinking to do with my understanding/relationship with my own ego too, so thanks for that as well.

Wishing you all the best whatever you decide to do with this thread/your life. It's super apparent you're doing what is best for you, and that's super admirable.
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Old 08-15-2019, 04:43 PM   #177
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

I always lurked pretty hardcore this thread and enjoyed it. Glad you’ll still be posting albeit less.

Think the self awareness you have is incredible and such an important trait when it comes to the game (and life too).

Gl rest of the way
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Old 08-15-2019, 10:00 PM   #178
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

Being honest with yourself about your shortcomings/mistakes is the only way to grow. I feel like sharing those could be even more important than just being aware on your own.

I'm another lurker who really enjoys this thread, especially recently. The stories from Faviken were super interesting and it's sick that poker allowed you the time out to have that experience.
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Old 08-17-2019, 08:35 AM   #179
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

If you take a look at the index of PGC these days you'll be hard pressed to find anyone playing higher than 5nl. It's simply got to a point where verrry few people playing midstakes or higher are blogging about it in PGCs anymore, and the guys that are have had threads for years. Gone are the days where we'd get guys like OTB and ja$on(?) posting here which is a real shame but seems PGCing is becoming more and more -EV for most people.

I'd attribute this to a few things,
- Games getting tougher ever year meaning winning players would rather not advertise how beatable games are still
- Growing toxicity (probably as a function of the above) on 2+2 in general, meaning more trolls in PGC threads and more BS to cut through than ever before, making it less of a fun experience overall
- And then that just leaves accountability - people always say they have a PGC to make them more accountable to their goals, and while this might be really good for your beginner playing 5nl trying to move up or hit specific volume, a professional playing midstakes or higher really ought not to need a PGC to be accountable to their goals at all

Whatever reason you have for giving up the PGC grind, you're in good company and I think this entire forum will be pretty dead bar a few old timers in the near future.
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Old 08-17-2019, 09:52 AM   #180
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

Many many +1's to the above post
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Old 08-18-2019, 11:26 PM   #181
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

Quote:
Originally Posted by tgiggity View Post
really great post as always. if you wanted to post your thoughts on life or your experiences w/out graphs or much poker discussion I think most of us would stick around to hear them. obviously a lot of people do shameful/embarrassing/shitty things - but few people are able to fully recognize the source of their behavior and work to address it successfully - your story and perspective is really interesting and valuable. your posts always give me a lot to think about, so whether you keep going or not I appreciate what you've shared so far
Thanks tgigs. I lurk your thread as well. After these responses, I think i will keep posting in here. I didn’t think anyone really read it since no one was commenting, and it made me feel even more self indulgent about the process. But I’ve recieved a bunch of PM’s actually, from ppl who had really nice things to say, ppl who have or are struggling, stuff like that. I truly love even helping one person out a little bit, so I’ll just keep the thread going!

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Originally Posted by Dubnjoy000 View Post
Solid post friend. 2 + 2 needs more of these introspective and mature reflections. Thx for sharing
Thanks bud as always! I was quite enamored with that little corner of the earth you went to in your thread recently. I love those kinds of places.

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Originally Posted by Grudina View Post
Wow.

This is a story full of emotion.

Keep sharing your journey.

gr8 job mate.
Thx!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BenaBadBeat View Post
Thank you for explaining what has clearly been an unimaginably emotional and challenging experience. It makes perfect sense, and as suspected, my perspective is only that of an outsider looking in - I missed some crucial elements. I have a lot more thinking to do with my understanding/relationship with my own ego too, so thanks for that as well.

Wishing you all the best whatever you decide to do with this thread/your life. It's super apparent you're doing what is best for you, and that's super admirable.
Thanks man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bbissick View Post
I always lurked pretty hardcore this thread and enjoyed it. Glad you’ll still be posting albeit less.

Think the self awareness you have is incredible and such an important trait when it comes to the game (and life too).

Gl rest of the way
Thanks! You know, what you say about the awareness is so true. I used to plateau in different areas of life, just thinking that was how things were. Thanks to that whole process I have really learned how to make positive change, and actually it’s been the single most important factor as to why I was able to get back into the games and beat them, bc I could sit there and be like “alright I suck compared to this guy, what’s he doing that I’m not?” And analyze his hands rather than coming at it with ego like I used to. It makes me wonder how far I could have gone in sports (or school, or an artistic pursuit?) with the mindset I have now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by deathorglory0 View Post
Being honest with yourself about your shortcomings/mistakes is the only way to grow. I feel like sharing those could be even more important than just being aware on your own.

I'm another lurker who really enjoys this thread, especially recently. The stories from Faviken were super interesting and it's sick that poker allowed you the time out to have that experience.
Thanks man. Yeah this trip has been really special. And true for sure about learning best from my mistakes. I sometimes feel like that’s the ONLY way I learn.

Quote:
Originally Posted by meale View Post
If you take a look at the index of PGC these days you'll be hard pressed to find anyone playing higher than 5nl. It's simply got to a point where verrry few people playing midstakes or higher are blogging about it in PGCs anymore, and the guys that are have had threads for years. Gone are the days where we'd get guys like OTB and ja$on(?) posting here which is a real shame but seems PGCing is becoming more and more -EV for most people.

I'd attribute this to a few things,
- Games getting tougher ever year meaning winning players would rather not advertise how beatable games are still
- Growing toxicity (probably as a function of the above) on 2+2 in general, meaning more trolls in PGC threads and more BS to cut through than ever before, making it less of a fun experience overall
- And then that just leaves accountability - people always say they have a PGC to make them more accountable to their goals, and while this might be really good for your beginner playing 5nl trying to move up or hit specific volume, a professional playing midstakes or higher really ought not to need a PGC to be accountable to their goals at all

Whatever reason you have for giving up the PGC grind, you're in good company and I think this entire forum will be pretty dead bar a few old timers in the near future.
True man. Although hearing that it’s a dying forum makes me want to go even more. I love these forums, they’ve given me a lot over the years and I hope they don’t die out as regs become less and less in numbers. At the least we can keep our threads going for the real hard core degenerates out there!


Up late and in a reflective mood. A good girl friend of mine has cancer and started chemo this week. She’s a couple years younger than me, has not a bad bone in her body. I hate the phrase “he/she doesn’t deserve that”, but it’s the first thing that pops into my mind when I think of her spending her days in a hospital bed. I found myself thinking about it tonight and getting so sad....life is so special. It’s so fragile and beautiful and as it’s in constant motion, we so rarely take the opportunity to just sit back and appreciate what we have. Those fleeting moments of happiness which keep us going, the smiles and laughs and hugs and the good stuff that makes it so easily worth the hard stuff. Of course it’s the most cliche time ever to do that, but as I look at my life now I just feel so much gratitude for it. Thanks, Becca, for helping me to feel that tonight.

I’m headed to ATL next week, I had planned to do another month, partly in order to go on a road trip with Faviken friends to Lofoten, Norway. But the time zone and Swedish gaming laws (if you want to sign up for sites in Sweden, you better have a Swedish ID card) make it virtually impossible to play poker here unless I want to play from 4am-9am. I’ve learned everything I can from Magnus and from Faviken.

The experience as a whole was magical in some ways, mostly because of the people. Especially when I first got here. The best parts were mornings and days off at random lakes with friends from different countries, all the while collectively knowing that this will never be able to happen again, at least not in these mountains, with Faviken’s impending closure. The restaurant and the property were among the most beautiful I’ve ever seen.

The restaurant was more of a museum dedicated to itself, complete with a never-changing menu, but all the classics. It was no longer experimenting and pushing no boundaries, and maybe it was naive of me to think it would be. There was a shameful amount of food waste at the place, something I’ve been extremely vocal about.

But there were good and great things, too. The food is magnificent, no doubt about it. I had beef - that from a 9-yr old Swedish Mountain Cow bred on grass - that made me realize what beef can actually taste like (it’s nothing like you’ve ever had). The Meat Pie - with reduced Birch Syrup and shaved cured reindeer meat - was special. The sileage ice cream, the potato dream, the bone marrow pudding were all extremely good, all with woodsy flavors that belong right here. The spruce kombucha my friend made while here was the best kombucha I’ve ever had, and I’ll be bringing the idea home, to make it at home.

Seeing the look in guests’ eyes when they got out of their airport taxis was such a cool experience, to see people’s dreams come true....because, for a lot of people (myself included) Faviken exists as something found in a dream. And it, when viewed through that lens, is absolutely worthy of a dream.

Picking fresh wildflowers for the cod garnish, learning them all by name, picking berries, gathering lingonberry leaves in the mornings before work up near a falls behind my house....those are memories I’ll always cherish.

I’m so glad I came. I learned, I experienced a new country, new foods, new language. The Scandinavian wilderness is special - I just love being out in it. It’s actually really made me miss home (I’m from Montana). I fell head-over-heels for Norway, and will be back shortly.

The absolute best part of the trip was when I had my now-fiancťe here; going to the lake together, going for hikes. Exploring the fjords in our car while listening to a podcast about a serial killer. The small alleyways in Bergen, the parks and trails in our new town in Are, even the stupid tourist trap town of Flam.

A hopeless romantic at heart, Happiness is - surely - most thorough when shared.

POKER

Back on track completely. I went through my database at length, I came out a markedly better player. I was making a few common preflop mistakes that compounded post-flop. That plus stopping HU has me back on the winning track.


GL @ the tables girls

Last edited by Oladipo; 08-18-2019 at 11:51 PM.
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Old 08-18-2019, 11:36 PM   #182
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

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Originally Posted by Oladipo View Post
Thanks tgigs. I lurk your thread as well. After these responses, I think i will keep posting in here. I didnít think anyone really read it since no one was commenting, and it made me feel even more self indulgent about the process. But Iíve recieved a bunch of PMís actually, from ppl who had really nice things to say, ppl who have or are struggling, stuff like that. I truly love even helping one person out a little bit, so Iíll just keep the thread going!
definitely seems like there are a lot of people who lurk and rarely post but take the time to read every post.

sucks I missed out on the opportunity to meet up when we were both in the bay area - hopefully we run into each other at some other point in life

Quote:
Up late and in a reflective mood. A good girl friend of mine has cancer and started chemo this week. Sheís a couple years younger than me, has not a bad bone in her body. I hate the phrase ďhe/she doesnít deserve thatĒ, but itís the first thing that pops into my mind when I think of her spending her days in a hospital bed. I found myself thinking about it tonight and getting so sad....life is so special. Itís so fragile and beautiful and as itís in constant motion, we so rarely take the opportunity to just sit back and appreciate what we have. Those fleeting moments of happiness which keep us going, the smiles and laughs and hugs and the good stuff that makes it so easily worth the hard stuff. Of course itís the most cliche time ever to do that, but as I look at my life now I just feel so much gratitude for it. Thanks, Becca, for helping me to feel that tonight.
.

sorry man, that's rough. hope she recovers quickly and as painlessly as possible

bolded reminds me this article: https://28oa9i1t08037ue3m1l0i861-wpe...ents-small.png
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Old 08-18-2019, 11:43 PM   #183
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

And yet another solid post Mainly chiming in this time to say don't stop posting man ; 2 + 2 is pretty bad as it seems (see any PG & C where the OP fails and the amount of posters who take pleasure in his failures/trolling him), that your thread needs to persist
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Old 08-19-2019, 01:48 AM   #184
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

hope you friend wins her battle. Thoughts and prayers
**** cancer
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Old 08-19-2019, 03:25 AM   #185
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

That is a once in a lifetime experience - glad that you were able to be part of that restaurant
I hope you will continue updating this thread, because i believe many people find your posts motivational and you are a really good example how with hard work and dedication everything is possible and we should follow our dreams - it's cliche but you had some rough years and turned things around afterall
I don't know you, but from what I read, I know you deserve to be happy and succesful
5 stars
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Old 08-29-2019, 02:27 AM   #186
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

Finally getting some quality volume in, playing well again too.

I definitely realized that I can't just do poker "on the side" like I was the last couple months in Sweden, it was a big mistake from a poker perspective (altho I don't regret it) and I definitely paid for it financially. I should have just taken a two-month vacation.

Anyways I absolutely need to give poker my full attention in order for me to play my A game consistently, and a lot of that is taking care of my "other stuff" that allows me to sit and play well - mediation, journaling every day, AA meetings, yoga, working out obviously. I will NOT make that mistake again.

Couple diff sites -




Last edited by Oladipo; 08-29-2019 at 02:33 AM.
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Old 08-29-2019, 01:58 PM   #187
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

YESSSSSS! MOREEEEE UPDATESSSSSS! THE PEOPLE DEMAND IT! <3
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Old 08-29-2019, 02:20 PM   #188
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

Fantastic thread. Enjoying it fully

Do you know if HUD is available at the Swedish site?
( Heard of a discontinued converter only thus far )

Same with 888?

Thanks beforehand and best of luck.

Mvh fellow Swedish ( but smallstakes ) grinder
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Old 08-29-2019, 07:00 PM   #189
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

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Originally Posted by angeles View Post
YESSSSSS! MOREEEEE UPDATESSSSSS! THE PEOPLE DEMAND IT! <3
Give the ppl and my ego what they want
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Old 08-29-2019, 08:41 PM   #190
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

Thanks for this thread, getting so much out of it. Can relate a lot.

Do you think balancing the 'look at all my money' posts with raw, sincere discussion of your challenges might prevent the ego trips or ultimately similar risks?
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Old 08-29-2019, 09:35 PM   #191
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brigov View Post
That is a once in a lifetime experience - glad that you were able to be part of that restaurant
I hope you will continue updating this thread, because i believe many people find your posts motivational and you are a really good example how with hard work and dedication everything is possible and we should follow our dreams - it's cliche but you had some rough years and turned things around afterall
I don't know you, but from what I read, I know you deserve to be happy and succesful
5 stars
Thanks bud, those are some really nice things to say and I really appreciate them. You said it - hard work and dedication man. It's not like I've "made it", not even close, but if I keep up this pace, by the end of next year I will be in a good position.

Quote:
Originally Posted by barney big nuts View Post
hope you friend wins her battle. Thoughts and prayers
**** cancer
Amen. Thanks big nuts, she just finished her first round of chemo. Waiting game now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by What3ver View Post
Fantastic thread. Enjoying it fully

Do you know if HUD is available at the Swedish site?
( Heard of a discontinued converter only thus far )

Same with 888?

Thanks beforehand and best of luck.

Mvh fellow Swedish ( but smallstakes ) grinder
Thanks man, loved my time in your country. Special part of the world up there. I can't answer your questions because I tried to sign up for svensa and for 888 and both sites rerouted me to a page that required me to enter my Swedish ID number - obv some kind of governmental regulation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nefirmative View Post
Thanks for this thread, getting so much out of it. Can relate a lot.

Do you think balancing the 'look at all my money' posts with raw, sincere discussion of your challenges might prevent the ego trips or ultimately similar risks?
Hey! Thanks man. I sure hope my posts don't come across like that, those graphs are a 30k hand breakeven stretch and me digging out of a hole, respectively.

When I wrote the stuff before about not posting any graphs, I genuinely believed no one read this thread, the last few months when I would post there were no responses so I just figured why am I even doing this. After having a bunch of ppl let me know they read it and keep up, I figure why not put up a graph every now and then, people like seeing that stuff, and besides - look at HOW MANY PGC's were started in the beginning of the year, showing their (small) winning samples, thinking they were crushing the games while running hot. How many of them are around now? They go through a bad stretch, they give up.

So, I really like this forum, it was always so helpful in motivating me, I will see the thread through the end of the year and hopefully give back to some other guys who use me as motivation. Do a big year-end recap and close it properly.

But yeah, discussion definitely helps me with those kinds of things, but I have a solid support group I discuss that stuff with, I wouldn't do that here.

That said, I don't really have major challenges in my day to day life. Life is really good and easy these days, I would say the challenges I have are really minor. I'd say my real "challenge" is just learning how to live even-keeled all the time, since I'm so used to highs and lows it can feel mundane to me. But I like the challenge, it's super satisfying to improve in that area.

Last edited by Oladipo; 08-29-2019 at 10:00 PM.
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Old 08-30-2019, 02:16 AM   #192
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

Hey man, nice to see the grind looks like it is going well for you. Also seems like you are on good track outside of poker, all the best keep grinding!
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Old 08-30-2019, 05:38 AM   #193
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

My bad buddy, had a couple a drinks in me by the pool and mistakenly thought you was Swedish keep killing it mate. Love the read
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Old 09-02-2019, 04:56 PM   #194
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

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Hey man, nice to see the grind looks like it is going well for you. Also seems like you are on good track outside of poker, all the best keep grinding!
Thanks man, yeah all good. Notwithstadning variance ofc my play and results are usually right in line with how well I'm doing off the table. Looking forward to you getting back into your updates, always enjoyed reading them (if you're still interested ofc)

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Originally Posted by What3ver View Post
My bad buddy, had a couple a drinks in me by the pool and mistakenly thought you was Swedish keep killing it mate. Love the read
No worries brotha, been tuned a couple times myself. And thanks, much appreciated.

9/2

Been absolutely crushing on the poker front, won like 19 bis this Friday. Took yesterday off, we went & saw the new Tarantino. Got the office set up (still waiting on a mat upgrade with a ball roller for my feet) & got a new car as it's absolutely necessary here. Have wanted a Forester forever and will look forward to some camping/road trips. Everglades, New Orleans, Charleston/Coast, Nashville all on the list. GF is ok with being the muse of the thread -

Office (decor to come):



Car! Nothing special for most but we're SO excited:



Me at the top of Areskutan before downhilling down. I hadn't been mountain biking seriously in probably 15 years and Are is a downhilling destination for Swedes. I ended up going over the handlebars 3 times, the mountain has all sorts of serious trails and I definitely pushed it too hard. Hell of a time though



Midday beers at the lake with Faviken crew



A bunch of us hanging out at a lake before doing an obstacle course (think tough mudder w/o mud). Quite a few of us went in with no cardio training whatsoever. I legit thought I was having a heart attack after the race:



Tourisming:






Vasa Museum, literally took my breath away, amazing place:



I could put any one of my million pictures of Norway's fjords up here and none would do them an ounce of justice. Norway is the stone cold nuts for me:


Stockholm:



GL at the tables

Last edited by Oladipo; 09-02-2019 at 05:23 PM.
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Old 09-02-2019, 05:24 PM   #195
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

vamoooooooooooo, 19 buyins is a very very sick day mate glad everything's going well for ya
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Old 09-03-2019, 12:56 AM   #196
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

I would like to humbly request one pre-sobriety degen story.
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Old 09-03-2019, 02:56 AM   #197
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

Great Pics there mate. Keep em coming. GL!
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Old 09-10-2019, 03:57 PM   #198
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

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vamoooooooooooo, 19 buyins is a very very sick day mate glad everything's going well for ya
Thanks man, hope you're keeping it real for all us sinners over there

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Originally Posted by The Apex View Post
I would like to humbly request one pre-sobriety degen story.
~5 years ago

The barrio in Buenos Aires called Palermo is one of the nicest and most gentrified hoods in the city and all of South America. Crossing the middle of it is an avenue called Juan B. Justo, and when I first moved there (2007), it was still pretty sketchy at night because there was a rundown section with a lot of vagrants; it's since been converted into a mall. In the same area was a bunch of after hours bars, pretty much all my friends (and most of the expat community at the time) were pretty serious blow fiends and so we spent a lot of nights/early mornings at those bars, were friends with the owners, always bringing friends there and always bringing girls home on the way out.

Anyways, and I don't know how I discovered this, but I found out a kiosk (basically a corner store/bodega) down at the far end of Juan B. Justo also dealt blow. It was an old man who always worked the place, there was a gated door on the front, and it stayed open 24/7 - if for some reason he wasn't out in front you could buzz and he would come out. We obviously ended up getting to know each other pretty well and he trusted me, he knew I wouldn't be obvious about it and I knew when to not come by (when cops were there). I was one of these addicts who lived a really functional and active lifestyle for most of my life - I partied hard but I never fell off the rails until my late 20's - so at that time, although I was in denial about my life slowly coming apart, I wasn't an addict like I came to be later on. I just hit it hard when I'd go out, then hit the gym the next day and be alright.

Years later, things had changed and I had years of addiction under my belt at this point. I got sober for a time and returned to Buenos Aires and subsequently relapsed hard, over the course of a few months I lost everything I had, I ended up running out of the apartment I was staying in the middle of the night with a backpack because I finally couldn't afford rent - just left the rest of my belongings there. By this time I was drinking and doing blow non-stop and my mind had unraveled to the point where all that mattered is having a "supply" to keep me going.

I became homeless and things obviously started to get bad, finding new places to sleep, dealing with the rain, cleanliness. I was staying up for days at a time sometimes and was having real serious hallucinations, conversations with people who weren't there. But then I ran out of options and money and started to come to terms with my situation. Being homeless in a 3rd world country is a really weird experience because everyone could obviously tell I was foreign, and that's just not something you'd see. No one really gave me **** though, they probably knew I must be crazy to be in these circumstances. Once in awhile some nice lady would wake me up, I'd be sleeping somewhere, and they would be like, "It's 2pm, are you ok?" and I'd have to make up some sad excuse. Only once during this stint did someone try to rob me, I was sleeping in the Bosques del Palermo, it's a big park/botanical garden there, and a guy came up to me while I was sleeping with his hand under a wadded up jacket on his side and told me to give him what I had. I had literally a box of wine and my passport, and I just remember looking at him and I really did not care, I was down to fight, knife or gun, I didn’t have **** to lose. I said "I have wine and my passport and that's it, and if you want them you'll have to kill me", and I knew he could tell in my eyes i was not taking prisoners haha, and he walked away.

Through it all I had met a girl and we hit it off and don't ask me how but she asked if I wanted to stay with her until I sorted out my ****, and that she would help me stop drinking. She was an ex-model who had a severe coke problem when she was younger, her family had sent her to a psychiatric hospital in the countryside and she had escaped in the middle of the night haha. So she - kind of - knew the drill. Anyways she had an apartment and I agreed to stay.

I was trying to stay sober but failing, my alcohol withdrawals were so bad every morning that I would just go to a random grocery store and steal this terrible boxed wine to try to manage. Every day I would tell myself I'd just drink a little, then go find a job at a restaurant, and every day I'd either wind up going to the interview drunk, or not going at all. Rinse and repeat, this went on for months. Every single day I’d get these moments towards the end of the day where I would tell myself tomorrow would be the day, that I’d wake up and go for a run instead of getting wine. But man I’d wake up, and i just could not overcome the withdrawals. I’d give in every single day. When I ran out of grocery stores to steal from because they had all caught on, things got gnarly. I had "hid" boxes of wine for the future throughout her building, since I told her early on to not let me bring it in the apartment. I had hid them all in these electrical boxes in the hallways, stuffed up and around the pipes. Her apartment building was 17 floors - I'll always remember that - and I would just run the stairs, over and over, half looking in all these boxes all over the building, and half hoping that I would get so tired my crazy anxiety would stop. I'd find one and it would be like finding gold, I would drink it as fast as possible, and then I would have these like flashes of what life used to be like, and in my drunkenness I'd go do something that was part of my childhood - I'd go to a park and just sit there and look at the trees, or crazier yet, I would go play playground basketball drunk. I can barely remember those games but I remember my body just not responding to what I would tell it to do, I can't imagine what it looked like to everyone else.

Life was complete misery, she got like a stipend from her parents and we lived off pasta and canned tomato sauce. I tried to run up numerous rolls from freerolls online, but I would always fail eventually. We had a slow-ass wifi connection we got from neighbors, no tv, no money. Finally I said **** it, and went to that kiosk, and asked him if I could talk to him in the back.

I told him I was in a shitty situation but that I could sell grams at 20x his price to gringos, and that if he fronted me 20 grams I'd come back there in a week with the profits and split them with him. I had a friend who owned a bar and I told him if anyone came looking around for it to give me a call, used this girl's cell, and started spending nights just hanging out at tourist bars. Obviously, this got crazy fast, because of course I couldn't stop from doing the blow myself. Regardless, I kept it somewhat together, "maintained" a manageable level of addiction, and brought the guy his profits back at the end of the week, true to my word. I am pretty tired of typing, but this obviously led to some absolutely ridiculous stories. I had no idea what kind of people really exist in these expat circles, and I met some real freakshows, both expat and Argentine. This one old man I'll just never forget, he lived in a completely dilapidated huge house (it was his) and he had just let it go to ****. The guy must have been 80 years old, and he was a crackhead - I didn't even know it was possible. But I had met this other crazy chick who used to go and check on him to see if he was dead, and we would smoke with him. He was like this old skeleton in this huge house, smoking crack by himself. He could carry on a conversation too, he wasn't what you would think of when you think of crackhead. Anyways I digress.

It came crashing to a terrible end, and I went through one thing I'll never forget. One night, I went to go pick up from the kiosk, and he asked me if I could come inside off the street. It was a maze of concrete pathways behind, but he led me back through them and off to the sides, I looked in, and there were rooms of drug-addled young girls on mattresses on the floor. Turns out they were obv in sex trafficking as well, and I had to wait with some guys you could tell were absolute monsters while my guy counted my grams and brought them to me. I'll never forget sitting there and for whatever reason (I wasn't sober, but had a moment of clarity) my home that I grew up in flashed through my mind like a movie, and I just thought "what has my life come to?"

I jettisoned Argentina not long after, I had actually managed to put together a week of sobriety by giving the girl all my money from dealing and just running as much as I could around the neighborhood, all day, in the middle of the night, whatever. Sweated it all out and started to feel ok, and realized I needed to get out of there. I had some girl messaging me asking me to come visit her in LA, she was in the music industry there, I had met her at a hotel a long time before that, so I booked a flight there, I figured I could sober up and get a cooking gig there. I put the money in my backpack with my passport and my 2 different "outfits" lol, and left.

I had saved some blow and bought wine on the way to the taxi, and by the time I got to the Buenos Aires airport I was blacked out. I came out of the blackout in Dallas jail - NO recollection of how I got there. Literally woke up and thought I was still in Argentina. Turned out I had missed my connection in Dallas, and got arrested in the f*cking airport. Oh and I had lost my money somehow.

I ended up getting to LA, which obv was a complete shitstorm

Anyways there you go. I'm sure some of this sounds like glory stories but it literally makes me cringe thinking about it, these were terrible, terrible times and honestly writing it is so cathartic because it reminds me of how good I have it now.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Squanderer View Post
Great Pics there mate. Keep em coming. GL!
Thanks man!


9/10/19

Alright! Time for a challenge, decided on this yesterday - it always motivates me to do this kind of thing. I decided I'm going to try to make 100k between today and December 31st. I'll record everything in here, either bi-weekly or monthly. Let's go!

Last edited by Oladipo; 09-10-2019 at 04:23 PM.
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Old 09-10-2019, 07:09 PM   #199
Dubnjoy000
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

WOW Quite the story. Well worded and by all means full of self-awareness. A very interesting read as well. Much luv bro, thx for sharing
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Old 09-10-2019, 08:16 PM   #200
meale
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Re: Success, Sobriety, and Financial Freedom: Out of Poker Retirement and back to Mid/Hi Stakes

Will read your story over breakfast. Just remember re these profit oriented goals that you aren't allowed to be disappointed if you fall short or really really short. At the end of it all, the only metric used to gauge success is how well you played overall. If you play really ***** well and make 50k, you probably won't feel as good if you make 100k and play slightly less good. And towards the end if it's close you'll likely start sweating results hard. Imagine hitting exactly $100k on the 28th December... I gtd 29th and 30th you're going to perspire more at the very least.

I know for me personally and I imagine 95+% of players that challenges like these don't actually benefit you in any way whatsoever - cool for the rest of us to sweat though! GL regardless!
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