Time for a little poker and life update :-)
Poker:
I've been hitting my volume goals every month which is the minimum of 30k hands every month. Been aiming for 40k anyway but I don't want to put too much pressure on myself while having a full-time job and whatnot. Sustainable is better than too enthusiastic IMO and that is what I try to live by. Like I've said earlier in my posts I feel like I'm playing well and I've been able to avoid tilt in a more disciplined manner than I would've thought. I am confident in claiming that I've been playing close to A-game over 90% of sessions. The question is how good my A-game is, and I'm sure it's nowhere close to perfection, but I think it's good. I like my thought process, I like the way I execute based on my thought process, but I'm not pleased with the results. It gets me thinking about my strategy overall. Is it good enough? Do I need to exploit even more? Do I lose EV in spots where I don't feel I need to mark hands?
Looking at my entire graph while zooming out, it looks like I'm breaking even mostly and making money during sunruns. It's a bit results oriented thinking, but you have to take a step back and try to stay objective about your play whenever you can. I've played over 300k hands now and I'm winning at ~2evbb/100. Obviously I'm happy with winning, but I'm still very open to the idea that I'm missing a ton of value in a lot of spots and making mistakes that I shouldn't make. The 50z pool is weak, and I always like the looks of it considering it's a zoom pool. One would think that my winrate should be way higher over a sample like this considering the pool, but the results just don't reflect that. I'm also open to the idea that it might be a bad sample, but the probabilities of that gets more and more slim and my ideal winrate of ~5bb/100 in these games might just not be close to my real winrate. I just don't know. It's tough to be in a spot where you put in a ton of work and thinking you are doing the right things, but you never get a clear confirmation of progress in the results. I can only be happy with learning new things and noticing a more solid though process and execution.
All things considered, I might not be as good as I think. And this is something I have to try find answers to.
One of my main goals this year was to work on my motivation. I have to right tools for it, and I think it's been much better this year. But I had to take a week off poker (last week) to reflect on stuff regarding poker during this stretch, but also because stress outside poker which I'll touch on briefly in the life section of this post. I will still hit volume goals and it was a well needed break.
Life:
In an update months ago I mentioned I have a new partner. We are still together and it's wonderful. We learn new things about each other constantly and it just brings us closer together. I can just summarize it into things being beautiful right now even if there are some challenges going forward with her working in another city for quite a long time. Both are quite independent and don't really need confirmation from the other person all the time to feel secure. Another exciting thing right now is that I'll start my new job next week. Really looking forward to that even if it's a bit scary to take on a new thing that will be taking up a huge chunk of your time every day. I really hope I will enjoy my new employer and the role.
I've always thought that I'm different than other people in terms of handling daily things and conversations. I have a really hard time paying attention even when people talk directly to me, even if I try to concentrate as best as I can. I hate participating in things that require me to stay focused on something, because I feel stupid in those settings. It seems so effortless for people to focus on daily tasks and conversations, while I'm always at the edge of going into daydreaming mode and losing the context or topic of what was said/done a minute or two ago. Sometimes at work when I'm in a meeting, especially when it seems important, I take notes in real time while in a conversation, not to lose the conversation completely and look like an idiot. It's incredibly hard to be self-confident. I took some ADHD test and it gave strong signs of ADD, which wasn't surprising to me, even if I never thought of it being a possibility. Obviously I haven't gotten a legit diagnosis, and I'm not sure I need one. I just think it's very soothing to know that I don't have to stress about improving in this regard, and just try to use the tools I have to cope with this stuff like I've done before. I've done relatively well in life but it's been very difficult when even the most basic stuff require huge amounts of effort. If some of you guys recognize this stuff, feel free to PM me. I'd love to know how you cope with it.
There are some health stuff going on with a family member I won't touch more on here. But it's been pretty hard to deal with waiting for answers and what's gonna happen next. But hoping for the best and trying to not think too much about it before people who know better give some more updates on the situation.
All hands since first thread for context:
Last edited by Shipnickle; 04-05-2021 at 09:45 AM.