I have always been competitive. Whether it was eating contests with my half-sized sister or crushing my Mums soul at Ludo, I loved winning. For as long as I can remember losing gave me a unnerving feeling the in bottom of my gut - like Mr Stomach finally decided this world wasn’t for him and solved this with a shotgun, and this came to be a very familiar feeling. As a five foot ten, one hundred and twenty pound teenager I was frequently falling short of the podium, with my only glimpses of glory coming from getting the highest score in my class on my mental maths exam. It wasn’t until I found the great game of poker did I feel I could finally compete at something that I loved.

Fast forward ten years and I am still nearer to the start of my journey than the end. Whilst I have lived and breathed poker, I have mostly squandered my time soaking in poker content, and playing home games and the occasional live donkament, rather than studying, and grinding online in an attempt to build a bankroll. Recently I began to entertain thoughts that all the time I had put into this game was for nothing, and I decided I should look for another more +EV pastime. But it was 8:12am, I’d been playing for 12 hours and I’m sitting with the chip lead. Cards get dealt to me one by one. Jack. Jack. I click ‘Raise’ with one hand and the other tries to keep my heart inside my chest. ALL IN. CALL. His pocket fives are shown and I imagine his face drop as I virtually flip my jacks. The board runs out clean. I fistpump the air with a grin so large I become almost one hundred percent mouth. I was the victor. I had just shipped a $5.50 tournament on partypoker, taking home $4.2k and a $10k package to the Caribbean. In a moment all my doubts about the game had disappeared and I was more driven than ever to take another shot, put my head down and study harder than I ever have had. It's easy to let a win go to your head, and I would be lying if I didn’t feel like the greatest for a brief period, but once that wore off I realised that I wanted to head straight for the lab. I had the poker bug back.

Weeeeeeee.


So one month later leads us to here. My results otherwise have been mixed this year. I’ve had 3 scores which puts me into £214 profit after all the other buyins, okay given the poor volume. Volume, both online and live, has always been my biggest weakness and the biggest change I am making over the next few months.

Here is a rough schedule:
30th June - 2nd July £550 GUKPT London
1st - 2nd July £170 Pokerstars Megastack London (If I bust the GUKPT)
2nd July £75 GUKPT Side Event (If I bust everything)
29th - 30th July €550 Unibet Deepstack Open Malta (Passport pending)
4th - 6th August £120 GUKPT Goliath
5th - 6th August £75 APAT
5th - 6th August £330 Super High Roller
15th - 17th September£550 GUKPT Leeds
🏆 23rd - 25th November $5.3k PartyPoker Caribbean Poker Party

So that's the plan. Play every tournament in London, throw in the occasional trip abroad and fill any gaps with online sessions - so when I’m old, wrinkly and on my way out, I can say that I gave it a shot.

Amit

Subbing, GL!!

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” Marcus Aurelius

"It’s aight brah, plenty more fish in the tournament sea waiting to be harpooned". That's what my response would have been if you asked me how I would feel if I bricked all three tournaments that I’d planned to play this weekend. Well not in those exact words.

I don’t think I’ve been this hyped for a poker tournament in my life. I’ve played higher buyins. I’ve played tournaments with more runners, more prestige and more money up top, but given the events of the last few weeks, I walked into the Victoria Casino, a casino I have played in more than any other, with the heart rate of a coke-fuelled raver hitting his peak. I sat down and recognised half the table, unsurprising given how small and loyal the UK poker community is. This table has potential. Fast forward nine hours later and I’m all in on a flop of Kc5dTc with Ac8c against T5o. I wince as the turn peels. 9c. Bingo. My heart rate rockets to triple figures as I’m one card away from having a big stack going into day 2 of my biggest tournament of the year so far. No ten or five; ‘One Time’ I exclaim in my mind. The dealer teases the river. As the card rotates into full view my heart sinks. Ts. In a second I my mind goes from dreaming of Vegas and the ****ing Mirage to finding the quickest route out of the building. I’m my frustration I spin my media card into the centre of the table and squeeze out a barely audible good luck as I leave the casino empty handed once again. One down, two to go.

I slept poorly due to replaying my bustout hand over and over again, going through all the alternative realities to find the one where I’m still in the tournament. Despite this, I awoke more pumped than the previous day. Nothing is more motivating than losing. Nothing. The tournament today was the Pokerstars Megastack, one of the only good things that Pokerstars has introduced recently. A decent structured low buyin tournament with antes from the start, well don’t mind if I do. It wasn’t long before I found myself raise folding the river with a full house for thirty five percent of my “megastack”. I grimace, fold and get shown KK for top boat. Its rare that you lose such a large percentage of your stack and get a confidence boost. The rest of the day plays out fairly standard. I find a double not long after AA > 99 on Txx in a 3bet pot. Nearing the end of Day 1 I lose a large pot QQ < J9s on 994J3 and then get the last of it in from the sb with A8o vs the button who has cowboys. Despite busting two tournaments in two days, I was in high spirits, confidence boosted ready for the next and last tournament of the weekend. Two down, one to go.

Last chance saloon as they say. The last day of my first little live tournament binge was coming to a close, and I needed a top three finish to be able to look my bank balance in the eye. With my morning rituals nailed, I took the same journey I took no more than two days ago, once again searching for a cash, or better, a shiny piece of silverware. Every now and then you have a tournament where you get dealt the top of your range, you hit every flop, every value bet gets called and every bluff gets through. Your stack soars along with your ego. This wasn’t one of those tournaments. If you look up ‘Grind’ in the dictionary, you’ll see a picture of me with my shortstack from this tournament. After a long slog, I soft bubble in super standard fashion, jamming 66 and running into AA. Despite not getting anything going stackwise, I enjoyed this tournament from a social aspect. I never used to say anything to anyone at the poker table. The only words I ever uttered were ‘All In’ when I was too lazy to ship my stack into the centre. But more recently I have made more of an effort to speak to people at my table - this makes even the most card dead days at the table enjoyable not only for yourself but for everyone involved. Not the result I dreamt of, but it did remind me why I ultimately keep coming back to this game, because it's fun. Three down, Zero to go. So what’s next?

I find myself in the fortunate situation of living in one of the greatest cities in the world for poker, London. Every week there is some poker event to shovel money in the hope more pops out. This weekend I will be playing the £110 888max tournament and filling any gaps with a few online sessions. I will take with me the advice from my boy Marcus - I’m going in with zero expectations with the sole goal of enjoying myself.

Amit

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, or Aspers Casino as its more commonly known, I fear no bad beats.

I rarely took the arduous journey to east London’s old olympic stomping ground, but given it was the location of the only tournament worth playing, I handcuffed and dragged myself there with a wry smile on my face. Despite being the most Vegas like casino in London, due to its endless games and even more endless punters, it has never appealed to me. But this time I was more than happy to take the long tube journey across the city in the continued search of the elusive tournament min-cash.

I sat down to table of familiar faces once again, not sure whether it's a glitch in the matrix or it really is the same few people that keep these tournaments running. Being eight-handed, I got right in the mix, flopping sets like they were pairs and getting minimum value. Fast forward a few hours and I’m sitting on an average stack with a couple levels left to play on day 1. It folds round to the button, as the old men swiftly go through their routine of folding - followed by a glance to the skies as if asking God what wrongs they may have committed to deserve being dealt Q6o. The young agressive button opens 2.2BB and now it’s on me. Whilst it never feels good jamming 30 big blinds over an open, I knew I couldn’t look myself in the eye if I folded a plus EV spot in a turbo structured tournament. Here we go. “All In”. The big blind snap folds. The button instantly reaches for chips, picking up an stack and slamming it into the middle. “I guess it’s a cooler” he says as he reveals the goods, he has cowboys. “No. Not really” I grumble as I flip over one deuce at a time. The board runs out duckless and I’m once again hitting the 🚿. Despite potentially punting off a decent stack, I wish the table good luck, and this time it's audible to the entire table without a hint of insincerity. Fortunately for me the weekend was just beginning as I now had time to grind online.

In my younger days I had dreams of rising the ranks online, ending up the Bowser to all the Marios. Spoilers, this dream never happened, but I felt like I was taking another shot as I dusted off my old monitor, pumped to give online poker another shot.



Like all great underdog stories, I left it till the last tournament of the weekend to have a deep run, and a chance of my first breakeven weekend. With 16 left I had above average stack and an above average confidence that I was the best player left in the field. Two hands later I find myself 4bet cramming QQ into KK button vs big blind for the chip lead. The robotic dealer laid out the five bricks and I was gone. As the last card was dealt I felt nothing. In fact I was happy. Not because it was over, but because I still enjoyed the game and the deep run despite being coolered so close close to the top. It confirmed that I’ve got the poker bug and it might be terminal.

So that brings us today. Another weekend, another tournament, and another shot. I’ll be playing the £165 London Deepstack. Lets. ****ing. Go.

Pumped would be an understatement to describe how I feel before I sit down for any tournament that I play. I go in expecting to do well. To pull the trigger on the big bluff when others drop the gun. With this fire burning violently in me belly, it pained me to sit down a fortnight ago for the London deepstack and proceed to fold for four hours.

I feel like one of my biggest edges come from my discipline. The discipline to do what's right even if it's the option that leads to the most sad face emojis sent to friends 😢. This discipline was tested to its limit - the devil on my right shoulder constantly berating me, “You haven’t played a hand in over two hours. Just cold four bet the Q8o you pussy”. I finally play a hand. I squeeze AJo vs a raise and two calls. Everyone but the last caller folds. He sighs and flicks in the call. Flop T97. This flop smashes his flatting range, but given he rarely has TT/99/77 given his sigh preflop, and I have 60% pot behind, two overs and a gutterball, it seemed an easy jam. “Is that you all in” he enquired as I flop my last few chips into the middle. I meekly nod and without hesitation he flicks in a chip and triumphantly flips over J8s for the flopped nuts. It runs out K and then brick - again I’m gone. The fire that was once blazing was now extinguished 🚿. This tournament hurt and I knew why.

High expectations. I go into every tournament with the expectation that I will do well given my perceived edge over the field, and this makes busting the tournaments hurt that little bit more. I remember the first few live tournaments I ever played. Busting was never a big deal. You just played because you enjoyed the game and whatever the outcome you left happy. One the first tournaments I ever played, being the massive nit I was, I just folded my way into the top 20% of the field. You could have counted the number of hands I vpiped on one hand, but I enjoyed it, and it made me want to play more. After all these years it's hard to empty your mind and go in with no expectations. After all the years of studying and soaking in all the poker content, it's hard not to get a superiority complex when you play against the same crowd of people who have never seen a training video and think pio solver is witchcraft.

I know it's cliche advice, but taking a tournament hand by hand with zero expectation is the way forward. It's not the bustout that makes you sad - we all know the variance involved in live tournaments, but the falling short of expectations that causes you to be unhappy, and given the amount of control chance plays in poker, letting this control your emotions is a recipe for disaster.

So with this all in mind I headed to the Vic once again to flick into the £50 + 10 'Baby 50' they had running. I’m running out of ways to describe busting out and it's only my fourth post, so I’ll cut to the chase. I get AA in vs TT for a 1.5x average pot with 30 mins left of the day one, and this time it didn’t hurt one bit when the dealer revealed the ten ball. I do worry that every time I take a beat like this it desensitizes me to pain to the point where I’m numb. I don’t want to want to finally win a tournament and realise I have forgotten how to maneuver my face that position, you know the one people do with their mouth when they are happy. This guy knows the feeling:



So tomorrow I head to Malta for the Unibet Deepstack Open with a buyin and the dream...

So a lot has happened over the last few weeks; I went to Malta, Coventry and put in a few sessions in London. Let's start where we left off; my trip to Malta.

Malta
It's refreshing to wake up the morning of a poker tournament and just relax on a balcony in the burning sun. 10/10 would recommend. Fortunately for me I had friends who live in Malta and even more fortunately, they live in a penthouse flat.



View from the pre-game steak. The Dream.


The maltese know what's up when it comes to steak. Guys, don’t be ruining a glorious bit of meat by getting it medium or worse, well done.


Once I was sufficiently steaked, I headed for casino Malta. I don’t play enough £200+ buy-in tournaments for my heart rate to not skyrocket as I handover my hard earned buy-in. It's good to know that not all of my emotions have been numbed by the relentless beats.

Day 1
The day started well. I quickly got up to 90k from the starting 50k using the age old strategy of winning every hand you VPIP. I was quickly struck back down to earth losing a large pot with AA in a 3bet pot on A84s 6s Ts vs As4s. That one hurt a little. From that point on wards it became a grind and I managed to squeeze through a small profit and the elusive bag.



Day 2
Long story short we grinded the stack hard. In the end we bled down and then jammed KTo from the HJ for 12bbs only to run into the eventual winners KQo. At least he put the chips to good use. A frustrating way to bust made worse when I doubled check the jam with SnapShove™ and I was shown KJo as the worst offsuit Kx that I should have wagered my chips with. I still like the jam as in general the population call way too tight to all ins, but I can’t help think what could have been if I just made the ‘correct fold’.

It was hard to be too down as I was still in Malta and this gave me a little chance to see the sites.







I arrived back on Monday, giving me a few days of rest before the biggest tournament held in Europe, The Goliath.

Coventry and The Goliath
The Grosvenor Coventry is the only casino where I feel my mood rise as I descend down the escalators leading into the casino. Not only is it the most Vegas like casino in the UK, it has been home to a lot of fun times and the location of my sole Hendon mob victory.



The Goliath is best described as the UK's equivalent of the main event. Over 6300 pony up £120 for a shot at the big score. I’ve made day 2 the last 2 times of entering and with a couple levels left I have around average stack, looking good for another deep run. Until...

...a tight guy opens. So tight I hadn’t even noticed his presence before this. I look down at JJ. Given his tightness and 3x open sizing, I decide to flat. Flop is a marvelous J67ddd. He checks his cards and then c-bets rather large. Seems like a trivial check-raise, get all of the money in the middle spot given he will have over pairs and a decent number of flush draws that will not fold. I raise and he snap jams. I call. He shows the might KQo, the queen being the diamond. The board runs out Ax, Tx, giving him Broadway to cripple me. A super frustrating way to lose. A very poor choice of hand to jam by him given that he is dead vs parts of my value range and is even far behind my bluffing range. I shovel the last of it in with QJo and somehow run into both AA and KK. Gg.

Fast forward to the next day I force myself to enter the APAT main event. A brilliant tournament where top 3 get given medals. I, the proud owner of 2, was looking for a gold medal to complete my collection. The tournament was slow, and I end up bagging around half average stack. I felt good to put even the small amount of chips I had into the bag.



Day 2 started great. I found a double with AA to put me above average nearing the money. Next hand I get KJcc. I open and both blinds defend. Flop AQTdd. Bingo. I c-bet small and get check raised by a fairly tight BB. I jam as we were not that deep and he rarely check raise folds this flop. He has TT and the river Q again sends me to the showers. I was ready to head home.

Aspers
After Coventry I wanted to take a little break, but I couldn’t help myself so went to Aspers Stratford to play their weekly £60 10k Guaranteed. This tournament has a very turbo structure. I fortunately run good early and win the pivotal flips to get into the money with ease. Blinds rocketed, and I folded a lot, which left me with 6bbs. Fortunately I pick up the AA. I’m all in. We get called by KJo and lose despite the A high flop. Cashing for £135 was bittersweet. Losing these pivotal hands deep in tournaments is what can make or break a year and it seems likely my year so far has been karate chopped into two clean pieces.

London Deepstack
Next week I found myself in the £165 London Deepstack. A tournament that consistently gets well over a £60k prizepool. I’m not sure if it reached the prize pool this time as I lasted a mere 2 hours, losing with AK on KQ4cc4 v A5cc after he called it off in the turn for an 80% pot jam in a 3bet pot. It's mistakes like this that make the game profitable but it would be nice to hold from time to time.

APAT Online
Supplementary to the APAT live events, they host online events that also give out medals. I still being on the medal hunt could not resist flicking in. I ended getting 3rd for £300 and another bronze for the collection. In the past I’ve been sad with anything but 1st, but I felt I played well and was happy with the result. A much needed confidence booster.

Summer Sizzler
Last bank holiday weekend I played the Summer Sizzler. A £110 buy-in 20k Guaranteed tournament. In short the tournament went as follows: card dead, lose flip for 1.5x average and then jam rest with J9 into AK. All in all I played for 3 hours. Quick and painless. Another brick added to the ever increasing pile.

GUKPT Leeds
After the last few weeks of onslaught I have decided to sit out GUKPT and use the time to focus on other parts of my life.

The Future
As always, October is full of potential. My rough plans are as follows:
October 5th-8th PokerStars London Series £250+25
October 20th-22nd PokerStars Megastack £150+20
October 27th-29th Unibet UK Poker Tour £200+£20

I guess the last couple months can be accurately described in one word, Despair. If I was a religious man I would say God is testing me. But I'm not and he isn't. I’m still weirdly optimistic however. In the world of MTTs this is barely even a downswing, and I have a lot of upcoming tournaments to get out of the hole…