I'll probably give up playing vs agro donks for a while. Lost like 12 BI to agro donks who were 3beting all the time and are very agressive postflop. I also drop down in tables. I won't play more than 2 tables no matter what. Fortunatelly there were few fish who gave me some money.

I don't know what's wrong but I haven't crushing for a long time. I need to change something. I stop making mindset exercise from Tedler book because it didn't helped me. GF helped me much more than those stupid exercise I will give up with Session Reviews for a while and focus only on playing and I will also re watch Gordon HU Mastermind + TIlt free today. I'll test new apraoch for two weeks and check the outcome.

Stoplose for today:

today I won it back. Once again I did a mistake of playing with agro monkey and I lost like 150 euro. I am sooooo stupid sometimes >_<

Again did some mistakes with opponent selection. I lost like 2.5 BI on stars to guy who was well balanced. I don't know why the **** I was playing with this guy.... He was donking River, x/r River both for value and for bluff etc. Anyway pretty nice day:

Looks like your playing 642 minutes but how much of is that is effective time you think? Not waiting for opponents etc.

@ViktorLuis
Don't have any clue for sure I wasn't playing actively more than 10 hours. I am just ill and I don't have anything to do so I just go to sleep for a while and play poker, eat something and play poker


After last opponent I am exhausted. I had an idea to try to make my new personal record but this guy was so ****ing boring that I just want to go to bed. He was limping 60% hands, folding 60% to cbet. He wasn’t 3beting. I was value betting myself pretty often. I need to dumb those ****ing ppl. They are worst kind of ppl. How do they even enjoy the game to limp and fold all the ****ing time.

I am dumb bitch and I am very unhappy with my game today. I did one mistake that I absolutely hate. I shoved A7 on A87mono >_< Sometimes I doubt at myself, how could I did such a thing. Probably my winrate bb/100 will drop down because I’ll work on more hands per hour to increase my $/h.

another free day I hope there won't be nothing to write about

I have strong bronchitis or even worse and I have pneumonia. I was at doctor and I have like 6 drugs. I will make 2 days break and will play a bit less. I need to take care about my ****ing health because it is like 2 weeks and it’s getting worse and worse because I didn’t respect it. Sometimes I am not so smart…

I feel much worse, probably because of antibiotic. If it won’t stop there is no way I’ll play in next few days because, because I must go to toilet very often. Head is also hurt and all that crap. Anyway I am glad that I went to doc otherwise it would be much worse….

still unhealthy I can't wait to train again. I would love to do some push ups or something but I can't I am to addicted to work out, now I feel it pretty well .

uhelthy and depressed, tomorrow I need to start doing something or it will be worse and worse of not doing anything

Sleepless night, don’t know why but for me, sleepless nights, are always most prolific in reflections. I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking all the time. I went to bed at around 1 AM, I couldn’t fall asleep for long, 2 hours or so, I woke after 6AM. So I was sleeping around 3-4 hours and still can’t fall asleep. Let it be. I had so much great reflections that I am sure I need to write down, what’s on my mind.

Since Monday I feel like ****, I am not sure because I am ill or because I feel emotionally bad. I was playing all day longs in Warcraft III, game I spend my childhood on. I know one thing, it means I run away from something. I know what it is. I get to comfy. Let me put it this way, when life is hard for you, you give up or you get stronger and stronger to force those problems. Those problems have impact on your whole life, but you can use them in both ways. You can use them as a reason to work, improve, and achieve success, or you can use them as reason why you are falling down and why you give up.

Now I am listening, one of two most depressing song for me. I wasn’t sure why I want listen it but now I know. I listened this after I knew it’s end with last girl I was into (girl before my current GF). I listen this song in bad times, it has huge emotional meaning for me. I realize I get too comfy. All the ****ing time I was forced to fight for something. I was hard because my life was hard and I felt I need to. Did I was tiered? I didn’t give a damn **** about it I just was doing my work. Now when I have better life, better than average person in Poland, I get to comfy. I lost that aggression to fight for my things, I lost that huge hunger for success.

It’s killing me, I am glad I realize it. I thought I was depressed but I was just bored with my life because I didn’t force myself thaaaaat much. Now I need to force myself to come back to health, but after that, I am gonna work my ass off. I thought it’s good idea to forget about bad things, to move on and don’t go back to them. Now I think otherwise. Those things help you evade being comfy. I become weak and all crap seemed like huge problem. It doesn’t seems like a reason to improve or character test, it seems like problem that can break me. That’s why I need to reevaluate everything, that’s why I need to sharp my mindset again and become crazy mofo. That’s why I uninstall Warcraft during this text. I’ll have more time to think about everything. I can use this time to make clear goals, plans, to reevaluate my believes. **** comfy life, I need to stay hungry and foolish.

I am also very grateful to Franeczek. He shared with me, something personal, that changed my view on few things and made me listen this depressing song. What’s funny I feel much better after pointing everything out. My mind is clear now. I think I can go to sleep. I did my job.

Good luck with it man. I have the same problems. One factor is definately stress, which is also why I reduced the amount of poker, which helps a bit.

nice post man. It will work out!

Its good you can understand your problems. Now you can clear your mind and start playing like a beast again

Nice stuff here,good luck you you bro!

Sick post. I identified myself in some of your ideas, thanks for that.

@IveGotUrOuts
Thanks dude. Yeah stress is definitely a reason. But I just need to learn how to handle it better.
@chillskill
Thanks

@Brigov
Yeah it should help. I am a bit afraid that in short term it will decrees my mindset a bit but in two-three weeks it should be much better.
@noobis
Thanks dude

@HTFisherman
You’re welcome. I am glad when my thoughts can help someone spot something.



I’ve changed my believes about past. I used to think that past is past and I should left it as it was. In real life this approach doesn’t make big difference, in poker I think it has huge difference. Don’t get me wrong I am not one of those guys who say if you had bad childhood you won’t achieve anything. I think the very opposite way. I think when you get challenged you get better to deal with it, when you get better you are ready to deal with more problems. When you are ready to deal with more problems, you get more experience, and you can get more from your life.

Why I’ve changed my believes? I understood that mostly I tilt because there are a lot of accumulated emotions in me. All the childhood I was running away from problems in PC games. Mostly Warcraft III. It was only thing I was good at. I never came back to past, it was too painful for me. Those emotions arise and arise. Because of poker I start to understand it. Poker forces you to deal with all your mental weaknesses, if you are going to play as much as me, there is no way around it. If you are going to do it for hour two a day, then probably you don’t need to deal with anything but when you grind 50-60 hours a week you have to deal with it.

Yesterday I was listening this depressing song ( I am still listening it right now) I was thinking about my bad past experiences, experiences I didn’t want to deal with and tried to forget. I was shocked , I thought about something what happened 10 years ago and I felt anger, hate, I was in fighting mode and I wanted revenge. Those emotions are very strong. Guess what, if I feel them, it means they were accumulated all the time, I wasn’t aware of it. They are still here and they have impact on my life, they may sabotage myself. Even if I can’t get rid of them totally I can decrease their impact let’s say about 50-80%. It should have huge impact on my future, both on happiness and achievement.

Sometimes I hate poker. I really do, when it is very thought, and variation beats you day, after day, after day. But for most part I ****ing love it. You have to deal with all your emotional and mental problems. You learn how to understand your emotions better, you learn how to manage them better, most of jobs don’t give you this opportunity. More than that, it not only give you an opportunity but it forces you to do it. It forces you to be well prepared, to control your emotions. It forces you to change. It will break you or make you, there is no other way. When I think how much I learned about myself, how much experience I earned, how much I changed I think it was ****in’ worth it. Even though I pay in my health. I don’t lie to myself that it’s healthy job. You get so much stress that it has impact on your life and health but when you learn how to manage it, you learn something what is priceless and you can use it for your whole life.

Long story short I am going to remind myself past for few next days / weeks to find out how it works. This illness is a pain in the ass I can’t do anything normal. But I am glad I am ill. I am forced to think about everything, and I have more time to think. Also I lost a lot of BF because I can’t eat too much. I wouldn’t eat if it wasn’t be necessary to take antibiotic. I always had some fat on belly. Now I lost like 8kg and it looks like that:

Not poker related, but is it true that Poland is really catholic and conservative? I was considering moving there, but then was concerned when I saw how regressive they were on gay and women's rights, and I was wondering if the majority of people have those views, or is that just the government that is that way inclined but the people are fairly progressive?

It is catholic. But it's mostly the older generation. Same with the conservative part. Nowadays, teens and young adults go to church if they've been taught to do that or they are forced to. There's a lot of people breaking away from that ideology though.

I think there is some intolerance going on there. No clue what it stems from but it's not like they're gonna publicly beat you up for being gay. If you lived in a tiny town, they might look at you weird but I believe if you moved, you'd move to one of the bigger cities. Those ones are more multicultural nowadays and more open to "modern ideas and trends".

I'll reply tomorrow cuz I need sleep.


comming back to old bad expierience makes me feel like a ****. I'll do it for some time but I am not sure is it safe. Today I was playing some poker. I need to find out do I play fine or becuase those distractions of ilness it's EV- to play with guys.

I think it gets better with my health, can't wait to start doing exercise again

@MichaelScarn
It really depends. I live in Warsaw so there are less people who are catholic and conservative. The smaller city, the more people are catholic and conservative. Of course I talk about young generation. Old people are usually catholic and conservative but it doesn’t change anything. I am not a catholic nor conservative and I never had problems with hanging out with people / pick up girls.
If you ask about girls and one night stands (in polite way xD). Don’t worry about that, you find some one night stands here. It’s not that easy like in Russia or Czech or America because Polish gril aren’t direct. Only few times I’ve heard “Hi / Hi handsome” on the street from girl I didn’t knew or few times my ass was grabbed but still you can have some good time here.

Anyway I am not sure how about weather. If you don’t mind it’s going to be cold soon then go ahead otherwise try latter on. Lestro is right in what is he writing about.

Pretty sick day. Tomorrow I'll write more about it. Just need to go to sleep. Watched all Turn chapter of HU mastermind.

I found out I complain like a pussy all the time. I need to change it. I had an idea of writing what happen yesterday but I won’t because I don’t want to complain. I’ll write about good things or about nothing at all. I don’t want to complain all the time. I don’t like to write when things go bad but whatever I need to get rid of that.