I am 23 years old and currently have $1300 to my name.
I can’t afford to pay rent this month and am jobless.

I had a $12k liferoll/bankroll four days ago. This it the most money I’ve ever had.
I built a 2k roll at the 1/2 NL ($100 cap- $4 rake- Chumash Casino) and moved up in stakes and grinded a 10k+ profit at the 2/3 NL ($300 cap - $6 rake- Players Casino) game in under 12 weeks.

Half way through my 2/3 heater, I dropped all of my live personal training clients, and kept the four online clients that I had, I decided to be a full time Rounder.

I found almost all of my poker succes from hitting the Upswing Poker Lab and made huge leaps in my games as I absolutely crushed these low stakes cash games.

I was having the time of my life. Grinding and studying every day.
I’d wake up and go straight to the casino, eat my comped meals, log 8-30 hour sessions and repeat.

I was fully emerged in my poker grind and had zero to little life outside of the casino.

Fast forward to the present:

Four days ago:
I arrive at the casino.
It was a tilting session to start as I had lost my airpods en route to the casino.
I sat at the 2/3 tables at and went about my regular business.
I found myself stuck 3 buyins in about 2 hours.
I ran a couple bluffs that were called down and had my KK cracked by AA. Standard stuff.

As I was about to reload, a new 3/5/10 game was starting and two of the fish that I usually chase around the tables both moved to that game.

I know I was under rolled. With a $1500 cap, I had about 7 buyins.
But, I decided to take my shot.
This was my first time at these stakes and I was extremely nervous sitting down.
I wasn’t as accustomed to playing this deep.
I was out of my Element in that game. I was trying to make these “High level plays” and was not playing my regular game.
But, I ended up unstuck within an hour of sitting down.

I told myself that I’d leave after my last hand prior to the big blind...
(AND YOU KNOW HOW THE STORY GOES FROM THERE)

I get stacked by another player as I run a huge blufff with a missed straight but blockers to the nuts)

So no I’m stuck roughly 2.5k on the day.

Too tilted to leave I reloaded.
Long story short, I lost 4.5 more buyins and was stuck roughly 9k on the day.
For some reason I always had my entire roll on me. As stupid as it sounded, having 10k+ cash on me was a thrill on its own.

I lost 75% of my roll and was in tears. All of that work brought down by bad bankroll management, deviating from my strategy, and being on ridiculous tilt.

I left the casino with 3k to my name and didn’t leave my place for two days straight. Pretty much smoked weed, drank and slept.

And just yesterday I lost three more buyins at the 2/3 game.
I had no confidence at the table, was scared to pull the trigger in spots I should have and was disappointed with my play.

Worst, I had financial debts to take care of and now I am stuck with $1300 in my current situation.

I spent all day today thinking of what I should do. I debated quitting poker and begging my mom to let me move in.

I have ultimately decided that at the end of the month, I’d sleep out of my car, use my comped meals and grind my way at the 1/2 tables again.

With about 10 buyins at the 1/2 games I hope to be able get back in the lab and turn it around.

I’m very scared for the future. At the same time there is a slight bit of excitement in this journey/challenge.

I will take the rest of the month to really analyze my game, play micro stakes online and plug my leaks. Review hands and get ready for the ultimate grind.
I look forward to updating you all with how my progress goes. And future noteable hands.


Some chip porn from prior $2/3 Sessions.

Chip denominations:
Blue: $1
Yellow: $5
Purple: $25
White:$100










-Kenny
(Gurumoves)

GL dude!

your better off getting into employment and playing on weekends. you can play online during the week and also study during the week. you still have half a roll for 1/2. find some work and work at that for a couple of weeks and dive in and play cash games on the weekend after the 2 week period.

I really appreciate that man. Embracing the grind.

I can’t argue with your logic. I appreciate the advice too.
I should suck it up and find some work but I haven’t worked a “regular job” in years and I am miserable just thinking about it.


I don’t think I’m above “regular work”, and guaranteed/steady income would help protect my roll for sure.

Finding employment would feel like such a step back. I’ve supported myself, independently, for the last four years now.
Maybe I need put my ego in check.

Thanks again for the thoughts.

I've had that sick feeling before. I know what you are going through, bro.

Good luck and I hope things turn around for you.

Thank you man. I’m very disappointed in myself. I’ve mismanaged my bankroll way too many times to not learn from this issue.

How did you get out of your situation when you were down?

Grinding my way back up and learn to stop when I sense that I'm tilting.

Some people have recommended working on your mental game. Here is a video by Jared Tendler on tilt.

Thank man. Appreciate you looking out