I ****ed up guys. Bigtime.

I have been playing 100NL for a good while, and my results have not been good enough. I have a coach, and we have covered a lot of theory. With all the knowledge I have, I really should be crushing, but I'm not. There's probably a bunch of reasons as to why; misapplication of concepts, runbad, confidence, and generally just not playing well enough.

The reason for this thread is that I am basically at a critical point in my poker career. I have been trying to not check results, but for the first time in probably forever, I was way off with my estimations of how I was doing. I got absolutely crushed this month, and my bankroll is extremely low. I've ****ed myself.

I do have a coach though, and after talking to him we highlighted some major leaks that have crept into my game. We decided that the first thing I need to do is get my confidence back, and continuing to play 100NL will not do that. So I am going to start at 25NL and aim to build my roll up. The criteria is simple:

* Start at 25NL
* Move to 50NL after +10 buy-ins at 25NL
* Move back to 100NL after +10 buy-ins at 50NL.

My main aims are to get back to cbetting better/more, keeping my wwsf high and increasing my redline. My redline for this month is -18bb/100 (btw, does anybody know a winner who has a redline anything close to that?).

It's fair to say that this is pretty much my last shot: If this fails, I'll pretty much be quitting this brilliantly insane game. Hopefully this doesn't end up being the case.

So this thread is basically going to be a blog. I will update it pretty regularly, and provide interesting hands, my thoughts on the games at lower stakes, and also on my game and my mindset on this journey. I hope you enjoy it. FWIW, I haven't played yet today, I haven't decided if I'm going to yet. My next update will be later this evening, or sometime tomorrow.

I thought I'd hit rock bottom a couple of times over the years, but this is definitely it. So here it goes, only way from here is up...

Day 1: Dealing with Demons

I decided not to play yesterday. In hindsight, I was right not to. I just had way too much stuff on my mind.

Funnily enough, I spent most of my day looking for a jobs. My coach suggested that I consider getting a temporary or part-time job for a couple of months, and wanted me to think about it. His reasoning made sense tbf: ultimately he believes that thinking about poker 24/7 isn't that good for you, and a distraction/break from poker might be good for me. Also, a little bit of income will help to pay some bills and also boost some morale.

However, I'm not sure if this is the best thing for me. I kind of had it in my head that if after the first few months of 2015 I am still losing, then I'd just quit and start a new career. This option doesn't fit into that plan, so didn't sit right with me initially. This option is more of a short-term solution that assumes I'm still committed to 100% being a professional poker player. I spoke at length to my gf about it, and I said to her I don't think I am. I mean, it's not that I don't want it any more (I do - desperately), but I simply can't continue much longer not making any money. My gf is making enough on her own to pay all of the bills so that we don't lose the house, but we don't have money really for food. Its been like this for a couple of months, and it makes me feel like ****. She earns a decent salary (she's a teacher), but she has no money left to really eat, let alone have any money for herself. Not only that, but there's family birthdays coming up, multiple weddings we're invited to this year, and little things like friends asking us to go on holiday with them in the summer. We (or more importantly, she) should not be having to do this. She's been incredible about it too, but I can see it wearing her down as well as me.

She did make a great point, though, which I think is correct. It's true that I am desperate for it to work out (I've put up with a lot of setbacks and not yet quit), but I've been working hard to improve for so long with no reward that I'm just beaten down by it. I'm tired of failing. I'm tired of not having any money. I'm tired of feeling anxious and embarrassed when anybody asks me to do something with them. I just want to be able to go out for dinner, I haven't done that in forever. Tbf, to an extent, it's not even that I've lost the will to keep on fighting, it's simply that things can't continue like this into the summer months. We just aren't making enough money.

FWIW a lot of the jobs that are part-time need experience I don't have and don't really pay enough money to be worth the time it might take away from me being able to work optimally. There were a couple I'd consider applying for though that wouldn't be too bad. There were a couple of full-time jobs that looked interesting, but this may be too many hours out of my day (with commute) that it could hinder my chances of recovery. One that surprisingly interested me a lot was a Butcher's Apprentice. It didn't pay great, but thought it would be a job I'd actually enjoy going to work for, and if I recovered from poker and left, I'd still have a skill that I could use for the rest of my life. So, my options right now appear to be:

* a full-time job for a couple of months:
This allows me to make enough money where we both feel more comfortable relatively immediately. The downside is that I have less hours to grind optimally, and the long working hours may not be too good for my mental performance.

* a part-time job that requires very little of me:
This allows me to make a bit of money, enough for us to eat I guess, whilst still giving me a lot of time to work on my game. However, it does not deal with a longer-term problem: What do I do if I'm still not winning by the Summer?

* borrow money:
This I can probably do. It will be a blow to my ego, but I could probably lend some money from my mum. I would suggest not lending much, maybe the same amount I'd make from a part-time job (enough to cover food for a couple of months). This allows me to solve the same problem as the part-time job whilst giving me optimal hours to work on my game. It doesn't however give me a distraction or mental break from poker, although I do have other hobbies like the gym etc that can fulfill this criteria somewhat.

Right now, I feel a part-time job will not do enough financially to relieve these issues, but I may be wrong. I guess I need to decide just how long I am willing and/or able to persist with a low income. Initially, I'd say not long, and I'd say its fair that by the summer months, I need money. I am still going think some more about it, and see how I feel in a couple of days.

But for now, it's time to get to work. Taking yday to think about it and 'sleep on it' was good. And writing this rather open blog about my fears and feelings has also been good - I feel better. Time to start crushing I guess...

Day 2: Adjusting to 25NL

So, it was time to get back playing. With regard to my approach to grinding, my main aim was to just pay a lot more attention, and be less robotic: pay attention to sizing (calling wider preflop vs 2x opens than 3x opens etc) and to Villain's stats (although this may be hard initially given I will have very few hands on most of my opponents).

My emotions after my first 25NL session were mixed. It took me a bit of time to get used to the betting amounts, but it was ok. Overall, my first impressions were that generally everybody is wider. I felt there was a lot less 3bets and 4bets, and people had the potential to spazz more, and overrep their hands. I feel it could be a big mistake to make big folds at 25NL. Below are some interesting hands from the session:

1) http://weaktight.com/h/54ee2351a52511a8198b644f
V is an unknown reg. Only potential relevant aspect to this hand was that he timed the river. I have one of the worst Jx combos, but I don't know how wide he is, he may have OPs, Tx, maybe even 9x (fd missed). It's HU and I have trips, can't be bad?

2) http://beta.weaktight.com/h/54ee24d3a5251154168b64de
I basically just decide I want to get this hand in over 2 streets rather than 3. I'm not happy to have to call this jam initially, but I don't tend to see worse fd's here at 100NL.

3) http://beta.weaktight.com/h/54ee2570a52511bb198b6394
I was not confident V jams an OP wct on the river, so becomes whether he bluffs more when he checks vs he calls more when I jam. I think if I'm assuming he doesn't jam OPs wct then I should assume he gives up with his missed draws (which he doesn't have a ton of in CO imo), so jamming is likely best?

4) http://beta.weaktight.com/h/54ee2624a5251196198b62b9
I lead the flop because I block TP and first impression suggests people don't bett a lot. When I get raised I just believe he has something. Even if it's a draw, I doubt he folds it to a jam, so I oblige. I did not expect him to have that combo pre.

5) http://beta.weaktight.com/h/54ee26b0a52511a7198b6408
I overbet river because I block 2pair and straights, and I want him to fold Jx and Kx. Not 100% sure this is a great line without a club blocker, but I discounted him having a flush based on his line. I polarised my hand in a spot where it is hard for me to have bluffs, I block big hands that may call a bet this size, and he looks weak?

6) http://beta.weaktight.com/h/54ee27f5a5251167168b6428
Not happy to face c/r on flop (partic when I have the Ad), but I don't want to fold just yet. I play cautious on the turn, as i'm unsure on either V's ranges. When BTN chkbk turn and SB checks river I am happy to vbet. I felt sick when I faced the jam because I'm used to just always seeing the nuts vs these tricky lines. This hand is evidence of increased spazz factor/overvalue hand/don't fold good hands.

7) http://beta.weaktight.com/h/54ee28fca525115e3a8b4fa1
Similar thought process to Hand 6. Small cbet+weird IP raise on turn smells trappy, but after just playing Hand 6, having Top2 and getting those pot odds on the river I don't think I can be faulted for calling.

8) http://beta.weaktight.com/h/54ee2ba1a52511a7198b64a5
I bet this sizing on the turn because I blocked hands that would call larger bets (but not raise). Hands like AJ, JT, J9. I didn't block 2pair, which could raise vs this sizing so I don't think I cost myself value here. It is a spot where I don't think I have a lot of bluffs, and I block a lot of hands he can have, so I thought this play in a vacuum was good?

9) http://beta.weaktight.com/h/54ee30d4a5251181168b64da
Made a mistake here. This reg I've actually played with a bit at 100NL. I cbet the flop for value, I call a c/r because I have a pair, an Ace and a bdnfd. Turn call is std. I decided to call riv simply because I had a note that he likes to follow through with his bluffs on the river, I block 33 and don't missed draws. Even with that note I wasn't happy, but I'd seen so much weird stuff so far that I called?

Hopefully you enjoyed these hands. Let me know if you have any comments on either of them.

Day 3: First Winning Session

Although it's a little embarrassing, I lost both of my first sessions at 25NL. I didn't run too good (partic in the second session), but I wasn't cbetting enough in the first. Wasn't a lot, and there were a couple of coolers. I finally booked a win though, almost 2 whole buy-ins

A couple of interesting hands came up:

10) http://www.weaktight.com/h/54ef8965a5251184448b5071
Everything is relatively standard here I'd say. What I wanted to bring to light was that I was scared on the turn vs a raise. On the river vs a bet I'm basically thinking "aghhh, he has it again I guess. But idk what these guys do and I'm not going to fold the second nuts anyway so whatever." Now obv I made a good call and he had worse, but is this not surprising to you? I feel I don't see this at 100NL, I'm constantly shown the nuts? Am I right to be nervous vs a turn raise, or is there something wrong with my mindset?

11) http://www.weaktight.com/h/54ef8a0fa52511f52a8b4dd0
Flop and turn is standard for me, but I thought the river was interesting. When V checks back flop and bets turn, he reps Tx pretty well, and he maybe has some weaker Kx. So, the river improves V's range, but mine is still polarised to the point it probably still makes Tx a bluffcatcher. It's a turn where his range improves, and I'm thus discouraged to bluff, so should my sizing in theory be small? I basically was timing out and went for the exploitably large bet because I didn't think he would raise even a 1/3bet with Tx on a 3flush vs a line like this (his hand is a bluffcatcher). Thoughts?

Day 5: Fear of Failure

So I've started getting into the swing of things at 25NL. In terms of the games, I definitely have noticed a significant difference between here and 100NL. I feel I do not get put into tough situations anywhere near as often, and it allows me to play with less fear/paranoia. It has led me to perhaps playing somewhat more exploitative, but I also believe I am playing much better. I also feel that a lot of the regs either bluff in spots that make no sense or overvalue 1pair hands, so I don't feel the need to make as many river nit-folds as I do at 100NL.

In terms of my game, I feel I have made a critical revelation for the better. Although, this is not the first time I have said this to myself, so I am definitely not confident that I have figured out my issues (which is probably a good thing). I am cbetting more and protection betting more (partic in 3bp) which has consequently improved my wwsf, so I feel with one simple adjustment to my approach to cbetting i'm improving a number of my stats at once. Although I have made some mistakes in specific hands and also in my approach to certain sessions, but I've been able to identify why I slipped back into an old habit relatively quickly.

With respect to what I'm going to do about money for the time-being, I am still undecided. I have considered the possibility of getting a job, but I do not feel it is a great idea. I have done quite a bit of research to see what is available in my area and have encountered a couple of issues: mainly the working times are not ideal, and the number of hours/wage kind of makes me feel it is not worth it for the time that I would be taking away from the day to play poker, improve and convince myself that I can do this. Also, a lot of the jobs wouldn't start for a couple of months, which would be no good for me.

However, the main reason is that I really don't want to get a job. I simply hate the working world - and I have had a number of different types of jobs so I have a good idea what it's like. It's one of the main reasons why I wanted to play poker for a living. I hate the way the working world is: I hate the unnecessary pressure, I hate the hours, I hate the attitude of the employers. Part of me also would probably feel really embarrassed, particularly if people found out. I know it's immature to think like this, but we all likely have numerous people in the periphery of our lives who hear of what we do and doubt or judge us. I don't want them to have an "I told you so" moment (if I can help it). I also would probably feel like a failure. I likely would think that getting a job is confirmation that playing poker for me long term is not sustainable. I think I would hate it, and I don't think it would help my confident. It could possibly be detrimental to it.

Thinking all this through though did bring something to my attention (probably something I always knew subconsciously): I am terrified of having to get a job. I am so afraid of failing at poker and having regrets and a feeling of wasting valuable years of my life. I've been doing this for so long it would be really hard to reintegrate into the regular working world. I don't want to have to have a boss. I don't even know what I want to do. I graduated before I started playing full-time (which I guess is a bonus). My degree had a lot of mathematical (primarily statistical) content, but I have basically forgotten everything I learned as I haven't had to use any of it in so long. Not only that, but jobs that could use someone with that set of skills are probably not employers I want to work for. I want to make money, I want to be financially comfortable, but I don't think I want to work for a company that will make me feel "empty". I don't want to have a lot of money but be miserable, depressed and constantly stressed.. Part of me has considered (if I had to quit poker) that I might be a baker or butcher or something. I like the idea of my job providing a service to a community rather than say a faceless department for some random company that I have no connection with. However, I think this would be lead to a financially unstable life, which could just as easily bring the stress and depression etc. Ideally I would want a job that paid me enough to be comfortable, but made me excited to get out of bed in the morning. The trouble is, I don't think there are many (if any) of them around (particularly where I live - NW England, UK), and if there are, I doubt many would want to employ a "professional gambler"?

The trouble is, money is money, and soon I am not going to have any left. I am in make-up with my coach and I am not going to make enough in the near future to be a position to provide myself some income, so I am going to need to get some from somewhere. I might ask my mum for a loan, it wouldn't be a problem for her to do so, but I would also be embarrassed to do that too. I also wouldn't want her to worry about my financial situation. I wouldn't need to loan much, I would probably just loan some money for food bills etc for the next couple of months whilst I figure out if I am good enough to continue with this venture or whether I decide the best thing for me is to quit.

I guess my options are to loan a little money or find a job would start ASAP, be relatively laid back in workload and have decent pay. I will probably make my decision by this time next week, but for now I am going to concentrate on playing well, improving and hopefully I will be at 50NL before I know it.

Just Played a ****ty Session

Nothing terrible, I dropped ~4 buy-ins, but it was just one of those sessoins were nothing ended up going right for me. I stopped after about 90mins, and I think I quit well. Things were going ok but not great for the first hour or so, but I felt frustration creep in as things got worse in the final 15-20mins so I decided to take a break and write this down.

Situations that annoy me:

http://www.handconverter.com/hands/2665254
* I get 3b bvb by a relative unknown. He's 21/15 over 350+ hands, 9% overall 3bet yet this is his first 3b bvb. I c/c a cbet because TPTK. I lead turn because its a good turn for my range, it's not a good card for his and I think it causes him to bet less often. He then jams and he happens to have 75o for a flopped straight. This annoys me because 75o falls into the worst 25% of hands (approx), but his stats do not reflect that.

http://www.handconverter.com/hands/2665259
* When I fish does something you don't expect, but you have to call. A line like this from a fish scream strength, but he's giving me over 5:1 on a call. I need 16% equity to call before implied odds, and I have 9 diamond outs to hit. Even if he had a flush, he is still probably giving me good enough immediate odds to call (my hand has 15.9% equity vs KdQd). However, I whiff and have to fold, and I have lost 2/3 of a stack without even getting to showdown.

http://www.handconverter.com/hands/2665264
* When you are having a session where things aren't quite going for you, and you finally get a hand which you hope can kick start some momentum for you in the session. Things are going fine, but then the river is ****ty. Everything kind of gets there, but you still have a lot of value with trips (he can have worse 5x, OPs, etc). You aren't even sure if you want to bet big because you kind of don't have many bluffs. But, you're playing 25NL and people won't fold more vs a std bet than a small bet imo, so I just try to get value, and he jams. You remember how you said that this limit does not seem to be the place to make big folds, but this isn't like other situations as it should be scary for V. Especially vs my size, he is not jamming worse for value, so I am happy with my fold, but left me extremely frustrated.

It was actually this last hand that triggered me quitting. I got the feeling this session was not going to be the one where I win a lot, so I decided to not let it be a session where I lose a lot. I am happy I quitted. I am going to get a bite to eat and take a break for 30mins. Then I will come back and analyse a couple of hands from the session before starting 'fresh' in a new session.

One positive is that my cbet IP was where I am looking for it to be. My wwsf was low (36.5%) but I guess that is somewhat understandable considering the type of session it was.

To Play or Not to Play?

I encounter this situation relatively often.

Basically, I've played 3 sessions today: the first did not go so well (see previous submission), the second session was meh (didn't check results, not sure if up or down) and the final session I think I finished up, but it was only a short session (~40mins), definitely wasn't a big win. So regardless, the day hasn't gone great. It hasn't been that bad, but virtually all 3 sessions were frustrating. So, right now, its ~10pm, and I'm thinking about whether I should play or not before I go to bed. But, I don't know if I actually want to play or not.

I don't know if I'm feeling the urge to play because I'm motivated to or that I'm just still frustrated from the day's sessions or that I feel the urge to play because I think I 'should' ("I'm not doing anything better"). Generally, unless I am literally unable to play because I doing something or have to be somewhere, I'm always at least considering playing - I don't know if that's a good thing. In the past, I definitely would dedicate part of my day to just relax and switch off from poker, but I kind of feel that I don't deserve that kind of 'luxury' right now - is that messed up?

In all honesty, I don't think I really want to play: I'm not in the mood, and playing with the frustration of the previous sessions probably isn't the best idea. But I almost think that if I don't play then I will feel guilty for not doing so, maybe even to the point where I wouldn't be able to fully enjoy my free time because I'd constantly be saying to myself "you're struggling, you REALLY think you can afford to be watching TV now??"

So, I'm often having this mental battle where I don't really want to play, but feel I should. I think it stems from the fact that the way we are taught about motivaion. We are taught that success comes with hard work, and if you just work your ass off then you will be successful, but that doesn't necessarily apply to poker. Instead of maximising the number of hours you work, you should be maximising the number of hours you work at your optimum.

But that still doesn't comfort me. Obviously, you are hardly every at your complete optimum, so a realistic goal could be to maximise the hours you play your A game, or maybe your B+ game. Or maybe we should be maximising the hours we simply play as often as we can where our game is +EV. But, for me, I am a little pushed for time. Although I want to play as optimally as I can, I also kind of need things to work out for me now. So I'm kind of in a place where I am anxious to recover as much as I can so that I can continue to do this for a living, but I am also conscious that playing under the wrong conditions could be detrimental. But then again, it's 25NL, surely I don't need to be at my absolute best? Maybe I just need to grind out the hours and not worry so much because people play so bad?

Welcome to my messed up mind.

Edit: Update - Decided not to play. It's definitely the right decision. Hopefully I can use this opportunity to concentrate on being ok with not playing so I don't have this dilemma again. Instead of staying up late watching a movie by myself (which was my plan - but writing this entry took me the best part of an hour), I've decided to watch a little TV and go to bed (earlier than I'd planned). I will then get up early tomorrow, get to the gym earlier than usual (which will be good for morale) and make sure tomorrow is better than today.

Think I've found a big leak

So things haven't been going great so far. Kind of felt a little cursed, nothing I was doing was working, the runouts just kept being awful, etc. Don't get me wrong, everybody plays bad, fish are awful, and even the regs sometimes just give you their money. Because I've seen what they're capable of, it's made me call a little too light in spots where they aren't as wide for value as the situations I've seen them.

Anyway, so I'm showing some poker friends a couple of hands, and I think we established a pretty major (although easily fixable) leak of mine: I'm betting too small.

It makes so much sense: I am frustrated because people keep getting there, but I'm LETTING them get there. I'm not charging them enough to draw, I'm not giving them a tough decision (which is something my coach has mentioned to me before), I'm playing into their wide ranges - it's insane!

I think this applies well to what I think is a major problem with my approach: I'm too worried about my range. I'm too worried about having the perfect hand. I'm too worried about being protected. I'm too worried about looking too strong so they always fold. This just isn't going to happen. Poker is about value-betting; bluffing doesn't make money. I need to just concern myself with GETTING VALUE.

So afterwards, I play a session, and I can notice a difference straight away. This makes a lot more sense - JUST. GET. VALUE. These guys are not going to be exploiting me, they are not going to overfold given a certain size. Because their ranges are wider does not mean they hit the turn more often, it means they have more draws that wont fold to a big bet - just bet big! They won't overfold, and their big hands will jam and they wont bluff enough, so when they have the nuts it becomes even more obvious.

Furthermore, I feel I should be applying this attitude to my overall game, particularly at these limits. When people are nitty, I'm too worried that they always have AA. In reality, it's more important to know they likely aren't bluffing, so I shouldn't slowplay (for balance or w/e) with my big hands. I also shouldn't worry about defending enough (they're nits). People just aren't going to exploit me. If people are tight, call with +EV hands, don't worry about trying to 3b bluff them if they don't fold. If someone opens wide but 4bets a lot, then stop worrying about 3b bluffing, just 3b for value, or more depolarised, and defend to 4bets appropriately. If people are tight and always fold to 3bets, then 3bet more polarised and consider overbluffing if you want.

The major point is: don't be paranoid, and pay attention. The stats dictate to you what kind of player he is, some you need to worry about your ranges, others you just don't. But most importantly, GET VALUE!

I ran poorly in all-in situations but still finished the session up a little. It's been a poor start, but I feel better now than I have in a long time. I just need to put the hours in and the crushing should start.

Another Could Have Been

Just finished another frustrating session. Things were going great, the adjustments I am implementing seem to be working, but I just can't seem to avoid the coolers right now. The most frustrating thing about the session was that I was up, then this one fish just starting running hotter than the Sun, ended up with like 8buy-ins on the table before quitting (good for him!) Here's a couple of hands vs him:

1) http://www.weaktight.com/h/54f90473a52511bf338b4955
Was around this time I realised the dude wasn't folding preflop. If I'd have known this area, I could argue to just raise large here pre. Flop I'm kind of targetting the fish (I don't care about letting the reg know I'm strong). Turn is a bit weird sizing-wise, I have considered whether I should jam? Hard to say if he calls a fd to an OB, but it's probably best. He leads the turn here just has to be a better hand imo. I don't like to fold given the price but in all honesty he just hit it here everytime imo.

2) http://www.weaktight.com/h/54f9056aa52511bd338b4a0c
As with hand 1), I think he always leads his flushes on the river (if he doesn't c/r turn with them), so I'm very happy with my hand. I feel I get a lot of value here, hence my large bet on the river and turn. My small-ish flop bet was because I blocked TP and I had a club, and he c/r 21% so I was actually hoping to induce with this combo. If I don't have a club I probably just bomb it like the other streets - maybe I should bomb it anyway?
3) http://www.weaktight.com/h/54f90670a52511cb3f8b49ef
And just a bunch of annoying stuff like this. He was winning like every hand.

My adjustments

In terms of performance, I think I'm definitely improving, and a lot of the adjustments I've made are paying off. My stats are getting better; my cbet IP is back to where it used to be, my WWSF is rising (still needs raising a little, but the suckouts aren't helping). I think I just need to keep grinding, reviewing hands and sharing them with friends and it will definitely turn around. Whether it turns around enough and soon enough time will tell.

I've been trying to work on protection more - particularly in 3bps. Here are a couple of hands where I am not sure if I've taken it too far or not:

3) http://www.weaktight.com/h/54f90857a52511b21f8b4dfc
I don't want to cbet w no bdoors, so I check (initially to c/c), but he kinda bets fast, and I'm not entirely sure what his range is, then I think, I have a gs+2OCs (that may dominate him sometimes). I feel I probably have at least some fold equity. Vs even TT I have 40% equity. vs KQcc I have 55% equity, and vs a hand like AJo I have 78% equity. I don't think I'm ever in a bad situation, I have decent equity, I have some fold equity.

4) http://www.weaktight.com/h/54f90a33a52511bf338b4a1d
Here I decide to make a small bwct on the turn, kind of as a vbet vs the fish UTG, and for a little protection (giving 2 live ranges a free card isn't ideal when it looks like I have the best hand a decent amount). Normally I check this back and fold to a lead on the river.

5) http://www.weaktight.com/h/54f90af9a52511c00b8b4a73
V is a fish, and on a board like this I don't think I have any fold equity, so I dont try to get any. In the past, I tend to barrel this because equity+bdoors, but in reality, a fish could c/minr TP, c/c then lead into me on a blank turn, all kinds of goofy stuff. He could also just not fold and I barrel off 1/2 my stack. Instead, I just chkbk, then get value when I hit. I arguably should have bet bigger on the turn. I could always call a lead on a blank too because of my equity.

Thoughts on any/all hands?

Things Starting to Look Up

So, my coach identified another big leak of mine. I think this is the big one, and again, another one easy enough to fix; and it's to do with my bet sizing.

The short of it is: I am betting too small.
I am not putting people into a tough spot.

The reason people keep getting there is because I'm letting them. I initially tried to change that by being less passive, but I didn't take it far enough, as my bet sizes still did not give them a decision to make.

I wasn't charging draws.

I was basically given them a +EV call, particularly on boards where the board significantly changes often, and then when the board does change (which shouldn't be such a surprise), I have a relatively large stack remaining. No wonder I always felt I was in a ****ty spot. Because I was, and it was my fault.

Another leak was that I wasn't hand reading enough, and my adjustments to weak lines were passive and suboptimal - particularly vs fish. I need to get back to Level 0 hand reading, particularly at these stakes. A typical example would be, a connected board, I have an oesd OOP, and a fish minbets. My response would simply be to call. My reasoning; I don't know what his range is, I don't believe to have much fold equity (particularly vs a fish) on a board like this, and calling definitely is +EV. However, I fail to simply ask myself: with this betsize, what is he repping? Thinking Level 0, the answer is often "something weak", maybe 3rd pair, and underpair, Ahi etc. Simply calling vs this size gives him exactly what he wants, he is not put in a difficult position, and he has all the strategic options on further streets.

What I failed to recognise was, vs his range (which became clearer from his size) I have more fold equity, and I also might have pair outs. But most importantly: he's weak. He also is put into a more difficult spot if we raise than if we call. For example, on Q97r, JTo has 50% equity vs A7. Not only that, but we should also be able to value raise easier.

This whole idea in-game led to a whole new realisation (at 25NL at least): everyone has betsizing tells. I have noticed them so often now that I'm actually thinking about them. People cbetting 1/2pot OOP on a 2tone board trying to rep something good. They look like I used to. It has provided me with much more clarity, and many more strategic options simply by being cognisant of betsizes.

These adjustments have made a significant change to my sessions - for the better. My WWSF has gone through the roof, and I imagine my redline has significantly increased too.

I mean, it makes perfect sense. My main issues were that my WWSF and redline were too low. Well of course they were because my bet sizing never generated any fold equity.

Not only that, but I'm starting to win again, and my overall confidence as I'm playing is increasing. I'm starting to feel that I know what they have, and my decisions are paying off (literally) immediately.

I mean it's still early days, and a lot of this could be attributed to rungood, but I don't think so. There have been too many situations where I have won stacks through nothing more than hand reading, knowing I'm ahead and knowing V won't fold. This entire revelation has provided a sense of renewed optimism that I can be successful.

So Where Do I Go from Here?

Unfortunately, for me to get to this point, things got really bad. Unfortunately, I'm in a situation where I simply need to recover for my losses, and that will take time - there's no two ways about it.

I've warmed significantly to the idea of getting a job, and I think the reason I have done is that it doesn't necessarily signify the end of my poker career. Don't get me wrong; this success could very well be short-lived, I am not suddenly "fixed" or whatever, but I have enough optimism and seen enough to know I am not ready to quit yet, so getting some kind of job just allows me to keep the dream alive. It will remove some financial pressure and relieve a lot of my stress and depression. It will allow me to focus on improving and working back through the limits and not worry about making money. I obviously will have significantly less time for grinding, but that could be a good thing. Poker has consumed me lately, and I think it has definitely affected my mental health at least somewhat.

Lending money off a family member is becoming less appealing because it would only ever have been a short-term fix, and this process is likely going to need a fair amount of time. I would not be willing to loan a significant amount of money, and may simply add to the stress rather than relieve it.

I have found one job I've considered going for. It pays pretty well and hours are relatively flexible. The job seems pretty straight-forward and is unlikely to have a lot of stress or pressure affiliated to it. I am definitely over-qualified for it, but that's ok - that's kind of what I'm looking for right now. Whether they'd be willing to look past my previous job being a "Professional Poker Player" is another story.

I have filled in the application process and I simply need to send it off, which I am yet to do. I told myself that I need to read over the application, but I think putting it off like this might just be my ego, or perhaps there's some crazy hope inside that I may crush and win 10k this month and I may not need to get a job after all

However, it may also be that submitting this application signifies that my mindset has officially changed to "getting a real job", which somewhat represents failure, but also means that I likely have to start telling people of my decision, and this comes with its own BS.

I mean, the only people who know I'm struggling and considering this is like my gf, one of my best friends, and you guys. I guess I feel a little ashamed having to admit to everybody who knows what I do about my apparent failure and need for financial aid.

As someone who does does not have to work at a specific time, or have to answer to a boss (they've never spoken to my coach ), I have come to accept that at least part of everybody who isn't happy with their job are somewhat envious of mine, and tbh, I don't want to give that part of them the satisfaction of a feeling of "I told you so" or "I knew it wasn't going to last". These thoughts are probably insignificant (from both sides), but idk, it still is something I think about. Again, that's likely my ego at work again.

So, sorry for the rather large update. It's been a while since I last posted, and there has been a lot I wanted to get off my chest. I'll not leave it so long next time. Peace.

Hey man,

I really hope you can make this try work! Sounds like you're a genuine guy, who loves the game and desperately wants to make a living out of it. I'll review most or all of the hands you've posted on this thread over the next couple of days.

Day 2. By the way, I will try very hard, as I always do with hand reviews, to not focus on the result, so what I write will have nothing to do with the eventual outcome.

Hand 1 - The call pre is fine if you think you can use position to outplay your opponent post flop. It's loose, but I quite like the call in a blind vs blind battle, with position. Now, it's a little concerning to me when he c-bets this flop, purely because he's out of position and it hits your range a fair amount from the BB. So, I wouldn't be putting air in his range here. this is probably not a typical c-bet. So, he could have a flush draw, with suited connectors or a suited broadway. Also straight draws. He could also have a T, anything from T7+ is my guess. He's on a very wide range from the SB in an unopened pot. He also has some Jx in his range. I think we definitely have to call here, we're beating a very decent amount of his range. On the turn, when he bets, I think his range becomes a lot more narrow. I don't think he's going to barrel flush draws or straight draws on a paired board, especially when it's somewhat likely you have a Jx hand, since a draw has massive reverse implied odds for when it hits but you have a boat. The sizing looks like a value bet, $2.50 into $3.50. His range now is made up of a lot of Jx, with some combo draws perhaps, hoping to get a free showdown if he bricks. I don't really see him bluffing much here, but at the same time, as much as I think folding would be fine here, I'm not sure I could do it in the heat of the moment, so I'm not going to preach and say you should. In hindsight, given all the time in the world to analyse the hand, a fold is probably best, but as I said, I probably wouldn't be able to either, so a call is fine. Now, the river. I'm not sure why he checks, but to me this looks like he overplayed a Tx hand on the turn, or did indeed have some sort of combo draw. It doesn't look like a Jack, sure, a couple of straight draws got there, but this check is very tricky by him. I don't blame you at all for value betting, I can't believe he had a J here. I would possibly make it smaller, I don't think Tx is going to call $6 into $8.50. I would go for around $4.5-$5, somewhere around there.

Very difficult hand.

Day 2

Hand 2
Preflop, you obviously take an non-standard line. I think the raise is fine with a suited ace in the CO, standard, good play.When we get 3-bet by the BU, I'm guessing you had some sort of read or he was just an aggro-tard or something..? If you think he's trying to resteal light, 4-bet bluffing is a good play with this hand, because if you get called, you can still hit a flop well. So, can't really judge this play without seeing some stats, but I will say it's good to see you mixing up your play, not just sticking to ABC!

Obviously, this is a monster flop for your hand! With the c-bet, I would typically suggest c-betting smaller in re-raised pots than in non-reraised pots. I would, in a 4-bet pot, make my c-bet about 40% of the pot here, maybe even less, just because it's going to be no trouble getting stacks in by the river with so much money already in the pot. So, c-betting big, like this, actually would suggest to me (as an opponent) that your hand is weak. Obviously I wouldn't put you on A5, but I'd have you on AK or TT or something. As it is, once you bet, and get shoved on, you really have to call, you're getting very good odds. I haven't done the exact maths, but my first instincts tell me you need roughly 35% equity to call this shove, maybe 37%. With 15 outs (I'm counting the 3 Aces because it seems to me he has an overpair, Jacks or maybe Queens). you are pretty much flipping, so definitely a good call. Obviously you ran into the best scenario with the worse flush draw,but you played this hand well in my opinion.

Day 2

Hand 3

Preflop, this is a personal preference spot. I wouldn't blame someone for folding a small pair in a HU pot out of position, but like me, you seem to be a chap who likes to get in there and see flops, so I like the call personally. A 3-bet would also be a solid option (depending on stats), if the guy opens a wide range from the cutoff. It's crucial to try and not make a habit of just calling from OOP, but medium pairs are one type of hand I often do this with myself, so I think a call is OK in this spot.

On the flop, I like your raise very much. It's a really great spot to stick in a raise, a lot of (in my opinion, weak players) would slow-play this, but a raise is absolutely the correct play. Being very pedantic, I would jus say notch the price up a bit for the draws he's going to have a lot of the time, make it $4-$4.50 perhaps. A lot of players at 25NL will still call with draws despite you charging them a high price.

On the turn, you obviously hit a fairly decent card I love your bet sizing here, it's perfect!! Really great bet, and it might not seem like it, but bet sizing can be so, so important! You're now giving him a better price to chase draws... only draws are no good anymore, so we want him to hit if he has a draw. The bet does potentially make a strong player aware that you could have a boat (he's unlikely to put you on quads!) but I don't think you'll find too many strong players at 25NL!

Good bet on river, he either has a made hand and will call a lot, or a missed draw and will call nothing. So, may as well go for the max!

Very well played hand.

Day 2

Hand 4

Preflop - Just out of interest, why do you not expect him to have that hand pre? It's the perfect situation to play 34s for villain. He's in position, and the BB is getting good odds to make a call, which will create a multiway pot with a hand that flops very well. Further, both him and the BB have huge stacks, which create massive implied odds should he hit! So, the potential for the BB to come into the pot is what he is hoping for, if not, he has a nice hand in position. Obviously, as for you, I like your call pre, in a multiway pot with a small pair, perfect time to go set-mining.

Flop - As for the flop, not much you can do. Sure, he can have straights, but he can also have a lot of draws, over pairs and even worse sets, two pairs. You beat everything apart from the hand he has, and even then you still have a bunch of outs. Not much to say here, I think playing it fast was very good, seeing as it was such a wet board, slow playing would be a mistake. Yeah, played it well, unlucky!

First of all, thank you for your words, and for commenting on some of the hands - I appreciate it.

Is this non-std? A5s is a std 4b bluff hand for me in these positions (Blocker, playability, etc)

In 4bps, I generally decide if I want to make the pot a 2 street game or a 3 street. This is generally depending on the board texture. I saw my hand and the board, and felt I wanted to get this in over 2 streets, so I bet larger to jam the turn, as I would with my nutted hands. Is this bad?

Because his hand is weak. His fd is low, his sd is also low, which gives him huge reverse implied odds when he hits. If he makes a flush or straight, and a ton of money starts going in, its likely he is beat. There's also the times he faces a squeeze and has to fold. 43s just doesn't generate a lot of EV here I think. I don't hate it as a 3bet though, because it can play well on Ahi boards, but I think if we 3bet 43s then we are 3betting too much.

Well, by 'non-standard', I sort of meant that 4-bet bluffing in general is a non-standard play. It's incredibly high-variance, as you're risking a lot of BB with only a limited idea of your opponent's range in most cases. That's why you need to pick your spots very carefully with it. I'm not saying it's a bad play here at all, it completely depends on your opponent and the reads you have on them really as to whether you can 4-bet bluff them. But if you're going to do it, A5s is a very good hand for it, because of the reasons you mention there. But I would mix it up a bit, sometimes just call or fold A5s to 3-bets. I imagine you probably do this, and that you don't go and 4-bet A5s every time. I think based on the information I have, you did pick a good spot this time, but 4-bet bluffing shouldn't really be standard at the micros (even 25NL) because there are still quite a few calling stations around mixed in with the solid regs.

With the second point, no, I don't think it's bad at all, but I'm saying that some players may interpret your hand as weak by doing this on a board like this, because a) It's pretty wet, and b) It doesn't hit your range really. You can definitely rep an overpair, but you also have a lot of AK in your range, and possibly some other unpaired broadways (Depending on your table image), so if the guy has an overpair himself he might think he's ahead and shove. But I see your reasoning, trying to make it a 2-street game is a solid reason for making a bigger bet, especially if you also do this with your nutted hands, that's absolutely fine. I was worried that you'd be betting smaller with your nutted hands and then bet big with your draws and misses. I tend to go the other way and bet smaller with both, except on very wet boards, but the key thing is consistency so I wouldn't say you're doing anything wrong, as long as you stay consistent.

I agree with your point about 3-betting, it's a good hand to do the occasional 3-bet with, as long as don't make it a regular thing, but in position, I'd rather call with it. And also, I understand your point about reverse implied odds, but that's not so troublesome if you're a good player, because you can often work out when you've been over flushed, and if you make the dummy end of a straight, you can also play a bit cautiously. But, you also have to remember, that the chance sod being over flushed are pretty low, and in my opinion, all the times you stack people with TPTK, two pair, a set will make up for the times you lose your stack to an over flush. Also, don't forget that 34 can make the wheel, which is a massively powerful, yet underestimated hand. This is because often when you have the wheel, someone else has got at slats top pair (with the Ace). The other reason why playing hands like this are great in position, is they're very powerful semi-bluffing hands when you pick up a draw, and they're very hard to put someone on.

Day 2

Hand 5

Preflop - Nothing to discuss here, obviously a standard call in position with a nice hand that flops well.

Flop - Now, it's very odd that he would check and elect not to continue on such a dry board. This makes me think he either has an absolute monster, or a hand with some showdown value like middle/bottom pair. I like the bet, gives you an idea of what sort of hand he has, and you've got some outs with your gutshot. When he calls I think we can put him on a Jack, or a pocket pair like 88, 99, TT.

Turn - This is the perfect card to double barrel on, as it gives you twice as many outs, and you bet, which is great. I like your sizing on flop and turn. It looks like a value bet, and that you're keeping it small because you know he doesn't have too much in all probability.

River - Now, I think your own analysis was right, I don't expect him to have any kind of draw here, he doesn't really check a draw on the flop, except a gutshot, but you have blockers for a lot of those hands. You have done a really great job of polarising your range. It does look a little odd, very small flop and turn bets, and then a massive river bet. But you could easily have taken this line with a draw yourself, and all the draws pretty much hit. I think we can safely say he has a Jack at this point, so the question you need to ask before pulling the trigger is, can I get him to fold a Jack? Yes, you definitely can on this texture, and you do, so really nice bluff!

Why do you want to make in poker? I mean you seemed to have played enough to understand, that money in poker isn't just falling in your lap. And if you invest same amount of effort into something else, just monetary rewards will be bigger and faster.

Apologies for doing these reviews very bittily, in different sections, but I'm just doing them when I have the odd moment between sessions.

Day 2

Hand 6

Obviously I'm on board with raising AA UTG, but why so small? I noticed your (2.2x?) raise size from late position previously, but I assume you made it larger in EP. I think you're missing out on a chance to inflate the pot with the big hands. Smaller raises may be better, and allow more post flop action at low-mid stakes, but down at the micros I would be raising this 3x to 4. (Probably 3.5x at 25NL), so about $0.90. This applies to all UTG and Hijack raises, I think you should be opening consistently for more from the earlier positions.

I'm on board with the flop bet, pretty nice and big, matches the board texture well. Obviously we're not delighted about the CR, as you say. But I think calling is fine, he could be doing that with draws, or with a hand like TPTK. Action on the turn is good, it's good that you play it cautiously and don't spazz out with an OP in this spot.

Seeing as you've taken a very passive line, a bet here is probably going to get called by some worse hands, a lot of top pair hands in particular. It doesn't look like you have a big hand to them. So, I like the bet, nice hand overall, apart from pre flop sizing which I already mentioned. Everyone does that differently, so let me know what you think, it's just an idea.

Day 2

Hand 7

Preflop - I don't hate the check, especially seeing as you will be OOP. But.. I do prefer a raise here, keep the aggressive image going, get some money in the pot with a good hand, villain is not really going to have much so you might just take it down here, which isn't a bad thing. But checking is fine as well.

Flop - I actually like leading in this spot. It's a limped pot so no one has the lead, and a free card could be potentially disastrous if he checks back and hits a draw. I would lead, but since you go for the check-raise, that's a good option, if slightly more risky. I like the raise sizing, very good. It's a mighty strong play though, so you have to wonder what he's calling with here?

Turn - I think the bet, continuing aggression is good, when you get raised it's a horrible situation, but I don't think you can fold, there's a lot of draws he could be trying this with. It is a bit of weird line to take with a draw, but not impossible. It's an odd card to raise on, the only hand it could have helped is a hand like A4 of clubs or A5 of clubs.

River - Unfortunately, a terrible river card. Really tough situation. I don't blame you for making the call, but in hindsight, with a lot of time to look over and consider the hand, folding seems the best option. You have to think about the range of hands he's limping from UTG+1. It's mainly small pairs and suited connectors, so I can't see any hand we can beat here. I think this might just be a case of, I have top two pair, can't fold. And I don't blame you for calling at all, it's a tough hand to get away from, but I don't think if I asked you at that moment, you could think of a single hand you are beating.

But unlucky, a rough hand there, tough to play.

Day 2

Hand 8

Preflop - Good hand to raise from the CO. I feel you probably should be upping your pre flop sizing from all positions. The solid strategy I used at the micros is 4x from EP and MP, and 3x from LP.

Flop - I'm definitely on board with the c-bet here, with a gutshot to the nuts and position. Good sizing, relatively unconnected board, and you block a lot of draws he could have, so giving away a cheap card is unlikely to be costly.

Turn - I see what you're saying about the blockers, so I don't mind the sizing of this bet. It's unlikely he called flop with a backdoor flush draw, so a cheap card is, again, not likely to be dangerous.

I think you played this hand pretty optimally, good job!

Good question.

Ultimately, because I love it. Lately I probably wouldn't say so, but as I said in an earlier post, I think that is more because I feel extremely beaten down by it for such a long time. If I was doing even somewhat well, I would be loving it, no doubt. I think it's safe to say that I have probably been pretty depressed because of it all lately, but I am very strong-willed and feel I'm doing a good job at maintaining my sanity and not letting any depression consume me.

Apart from loving the game, I also love the lifestyle that comes with it: not having a boss, working your own hours, having the freedom to work when and where you want. Not only that, but you can make a significant amount of money at it, and that change can happen pretty quickly.

I really do not like the working-life model that we have in place (particularly in my country/area): using pressure and fear as a means to motivate, treating workers like crap, draining every last bit of equity out of them like they are a machine, etc.

To make a lot of money today (without a large capital investment to do your own thing etc) I believe you generally end up having to sell your soul or give up a big part of your life. It general results in a life I don't really want for myself.

I also have invested a lot of time and effort in this, and I know I have a lot of knowledge, so I don't think I'm actually that far away from being in a position to be successful. I'm persistent and resilient, which I think are good traits to have.

I have spoken to a couple of very successful and respected players who both believe in me and have told me the same thing: "Often with poker, it has to really suck for a long time before it gets awesome." I'm using that as inspiration for me right now, let's hope it's true for me too.

I am not giving myself an indefinite timeframe for this. Time is definitely not on my side. This is for sure my last chance, but I will take it one step at a time, but I'm going to make sure I give a real good go at it and hopefully I get what I feel that I deserve.