Heyo. Just updating from the tent while my friends are sleeping. This trip started as maybe a one day trip/hike at Grasslands National Park in Sask before becoming three days in the Rockies while doing some bigger hikes. I’m here because they’re my friends, but I wasn’t completely comfortable with the idea of hiking a mountain. Just an out of shape, scared of heights dude, I was pretty nervous about it
I probably should have said something earlier but we ended up hiking Yamnuska mountain. I guess in the grand scheme of hikes it’s an intermediate difficulty run, but as a total newb I wasn’t ready for it. I had my ****ty backpack I overpacked, just my normal Etnies sneakers, and I was just sweating an absolute bead. I brought like 5 bottles of water and you know I crushed all of them
We got there around 10AM and took a few hours to get past the “easy” part of the hike (straight uphill walking) to get to the rock scrambling part. Basically we scramble up the side of the mountain through a bunch of loose rocks with some trails there to follow. I guess we missed the trail marker we were supposed to take and just started scrambling up a super steep, super loose path we definitely weren’t supposed to be on.
So I’m out of shape, dark clothes, plus 30 degrees Celsius, no shade, scared of heights, on the side of a mountain with what seems like a very steep and potentially lethal fall if I really **** up and the rocks below my feet and hands come loose and start rolling away.
I don’t know what it is about the mountains. It seems like the further West I go from home, the more bad memories I have. I have bad memories associated with the town we’re in just from a cross-country road trip I did solo right before my life started falling apart. And I know people like the mountains, but for me being stuck between the mountain ranges and the trees makes me feel claustrophobic, like I’m being pushed down on, suffocated. I felt that way basically my whole time in Vancouver. I’ve kind of felt that way the whole time we’ve been here.
And on the side of that mountain I obviously started thinking about walking across Granville and Burrard bridges that one night, looking for a high enough place to jump off and kill myself. And it’s a really bad time to have that stuck in my head, bringing up the rear of my friends who are all having a great time. But there’s three reasons in my head why the situations were similar. First, I didn’t feel safe. Second, I felt like I didn’t have control of the situation. And third, one wrong step and it’s over. So it didn’t feel that different and that moment just started playing in my head
Eventually we got to the right proper trail, shimmying across some very loose, unstable rocks. I took much longer than everyone else to get off the side of that mountain. When it came time to keep moving up the mountain, I didn’t. I said, “I don’t feel well.” I blamed my fear of heights, which was a partial truth. I told them I wasn’t going any higher.
I didn’t want to be that guy raining the fun on their parade, but I kind of had to. They left me with a sandwich and watrbottle and finished hiking to the top (which was only a few more minutes/metres up). I sat in the sun, leaned back against the slope, and waited for them to come back down. It took us an hour to get back to the easy hike/stable ground part after the rock scrambling bit. When we made it, I just kept my eyes on my feet and didn’t do much appreciation of the view.
I felt bad about it but not that bad. It sucks I had a bit of a breakdown on the side of a mountain, but it happens. On the way down my one friend asked me if I was dizzy, and I told him it was moreso just stuff in my head, bad stuff. He read my mental health article and he understood. Sometimes I think he hangs out with me because he thinks I’m lonely, but that’s what good Christian kids do. It’s been really nice reconnecting with him
So yeah. The rest of the night was good, the rest of the trip was good. I got off of the mountain after six hours so all is good and safe and on level ground and will be for the foreseeable future. I literally took no pictures because everyone else took hundreds. Maybe if I get my hands on a few I can post them. Bsck home tomorrow, get to see the grandparents, and first day back at the tables shortly thereafter. See ya