Finished 46th in the $22 SCOOP PKO. Got AK in against AJ and couldn’t hold. Had another F2T in the Big $7.50 as well but went unbelievably card dead at the end. Literally nothing I could for the last hour as I got dealt complete **** and luckily got a ladder before I busted. Also made Phase 2 of the $22 Main Event with 3 ****ing big blinds. Once again, went completely card dead and absolutely nothing I could do about it. Praying for a very very quick money bubble, although I might need to win a pot or two to get there. It’s nice to see some results even though I feel like I am running super card dead. Very encouraging for my game as a whole and hopefully I can finish off SCOOP with a score or two

SCOOP Sunday!!! Showered, ate some multigrain Cheerios, got 7 hours of sleep, let's ****ing crush it

Absolutely nothing materialized today. No deep runs, nothing happened. Made a few cashes and didn't lose that much money. Luckily making the $22 Phase 2 locked up an instant min cash with my 3bb stack, so that really helped bring today closer to even. The fam is going to Deadpool 2 tonight which I already saw yesterday (I didn't like it at all ) and then they're having supper after. So I'm gonna grab supper with them after the movie and it'll be dope. Still one more day of poker left before the trip to Vancouver. Hopefully I can make something happen

Won some chump change today to finish this stretch of poker. Definitely the most volume I've put in over a prolonged stretch. I was probably averaging between 25-30 MTTs per day over the last few weeks. I've played 441 MTTs so far in May (4 off my monthly record) and have played 139 hours (11 off my monthly record). It was a grind, but I stuck with it and I'm proud of my last five days even if I didn't have the huge results I was hoping for. It was good stuff.

Pretty sure I have a 5AM webinar and then I'll squeeze in a round of golf and a load of laundry at the lake tomorrow before the Wednesday flight to Vancouver. I would like to finish the book I am currently on and get Crime and Punishment started if possible (it should be). I think I'm going to leave my laptop in Swift. It is a bulky, annoying thing to carry and I think a week of no poker will be really nice. I've definitely taken prolonged stretches of time off the last few months, but I haven't taken a real, genuine break. This will be very nice.

Although the thread started in October, the real work began in November. It has been half a year since my poker journey began. I can easily say this was the best decision of my life. I am not Phil Ivey or Fedor Holz yet. There is a very real probability I never will be, and a possibility I may never reach that full-time poker pro status I am trying to get to. I have grown so much as a person in the last few months though, and that was always the most important thing.

Even at the outset of this journey this was never about becoming rich. This was always about trying to be happy because I was in a very, very bad way six months ago. It took me a few months to really make the mental strides I wanted, but everything has come at its own pace and I'm really happy with the mental space I am in right now. I still think all of the time about my Vancouver days but it's often in the way where it's hard to believe I am where I am now. I had to make a lot of sacrifices to become the poker player I am but they were all worth it. I was asleep for a very, very long time and I am so grateful to be awake again.

I'm seeing a few friends in Vancouver next week, including the one who helped me the night I almost killed myself. If I hadn't reached out to her I think this journey could have gone very, very differently. It'll be good to see her especially after all she has done for me. Writing this makes me think I should get her some kind of gift to show my appreciation. Not sure what, but I'll think of something

Once I'm back I'm probably going to take some time to plan out my summer and the future beyond that. I need to think about maybe getting a job, my living situation, my study plans and what I need to do to give myself the best chance for success. I didn't expect to have my 10k Euro contract done after half a year. I also didn't expect to already be halfway done starting from a bankroll of about $500 USD. It's hard to expect success when I had none before the start. I bet on myself though. I know myself, I know what I'm capable of, and I know I'm capable of so much more. I've already experienced so much in my poker journey and I am very excited for what the future holds

Congrats bro, I believe you have the right mindset to succeed

Just got back to Vancouver. It’s strange. Nothing has really changed. My brother and our friend are still in the same house, albeit with a new girl lving in my old bedroom. The ocean air is pretty strong, something I forgot about after being on the prairies for so long. Homeless people are still everywhere, smoking crack in dark side alleys off of Granville street. Yeah, not much has changed

We just got in a few hours ago and had a bite to eat. I’m sleeping on my brother’s couch for the duration of my stay. My printer, mini fridge, and Canadian flag are all in the room with me. It’s strange thinking about all the little things I left behind.

Only seen my brother so far which is nice, start seeing some other friends tomorrow. I feel like there’s maybe some unasked questions from him, something in the air. I’m probably just imagining it. I know that when I wrote my article he had no idea about the night I almost drowned myself. One of those things I kept to myself. The night that happened, waiting for my friend to pick me up afterwards, I was sitting on the same couch I’m on right now and I could hear my brother and his girlfriend in his bedroom laughing. Which is great because obviously you just want your brother to be happy. I feel bad for not telling him about that night, but I kept a lot of stuff to myself. He’s not the only one I shut out.

Like I said, I’m probably just imagining it. It’s interesting to think about though. Sounds like we’re having brunch with his girlfriend downtown tomorrow. Dad already met her when he helped me move out in November, but Mom hasn’t yet. Favourite thing about coming on these trips is the parents hooking me up with sick food. Definitely some exploitative mooching going down the next few days. See ya

Today was full. Hung out with a friend I was falling out of touch with the last few years which was really nice and I hung out with the friend who’s been helping me out the last few months. She was in the creative writing program as well, so I ended up getting her a mini-sketchbook (she’s into graphic forms) and a nice ballpoint pen. 10/10 quality gift idea, very proud of myself for thinking of that this morning.

I was walking around downtown basically all day today, been hitting all of the spots with old memories. The breakfast place my fam ate at our first day in Vancouver. The wall outside the bar me and my ex made out against last year. The stretch of seawall beside Edgewater I walked after a degen night with $1400 in my pocket. Good times, bad times, and times in between.

I’ve almost clocked 22,000 steps, 15.3km according to my phone app. Pretty sure it’s a new daily record. I’ve been thinking about walking down to the beach I went down that one night for a while. Tired as ****, but I think now’s the time to do it. Gonna be awkward to just ditch my bro’s house, but this is something I’ve been thinking about for weeks.

I’m honestly surprised. I was expecting to hate Vancouver, but I don’t. It’s really not as bad as I remember it. I think that’s just a reflection of the place my mind is in. It was toxic because I was making it toxic. It’s really nice that it isn’t anymore

Since I only have my phone I unfortunately don’t have the ability to upload pics. I took a few nice ones of the beach view and Safeway. A bonus one of my phone app telling me I walked 20km for a new PB, with another 2km added on the first half hour of Friday. Pretty sick numbers. It was a long day on my feet

I went down to the beach the same way I went down in November. I knew all the paths, turns, and shortcuts. For a while there I was listening to music, but then I switched it to the voice recording of my Thursday November 30th, 2017 journal entry. As I walked I had a little play-by-play. I mimicked some of the motions, the mannerisms, the one foot in front of the other determination of it all. It was a very good idea to listen to it.

I sat down on a log near where I sat before. If it wasn’t the same one, then it was pretty damn close. Since it’s summer, there being no rain, there were more people milling about tonight. It was calm and peaceful on the water. Just took in the view. It’s the best view in Vancouver and nothing that happened would change that.

My journal entry is only about 30% the incident itself and about 70% everything that happened with my friend after. I gotta say, it felt so good to walk down to that beach tonight. It’s incredible to walk the same steps I took six months earlier and know that I’ve conquered a lot of my demons. In the entry there is so much trepidation about what will happen in my future, whether poker will actually work out or nor. It felt so good to know I followed my poker “plan of action” and got the results I was hoping for. It felt so, so ****ing good..

It was really strange because my recording finished just as I returned to the house. The last line of my entry is simply “I finally feel like I’m moving forward.” It’s so rewarding to be surrounded by all this past and know it doesn’t hold the same power it did. Part of why I wanted to come out so bad was definitely to see my friends, but mostly it was to retrace my steps, feel close to all of my memories again. It was so ****ing hard to reach this point, but I made it. I worked my ass off for this and I earned it. A lot of this was about finding some closure, and I think this trip will go a long ways towards that. Very GTO

Some ****ty iPhone pics. Obviously a pano in the night won't do a great job, but this is the best view in Vancouver (when you can actually see it)



Also, some shots of the eponymous Safeway. Closing down in July, RIP





Back home in Swift. Overall it was a really great trip and something I think I needed. Like I mentioned, I was surprised I didn't hate Vancouver. Maybe that has to do with the summer, with me being there with my family, with me seeing all of my friends. Mostly, I'm just not the same person that left Vancouver. I thought the city was toxic, so it was toxic. A lot of the memories that haunted me didn't hurt so bad, and that helped a lot

That being said, it's nice to be home again. Even if I don't hate Vancouver, it's still a distant second to Saskatchewan. It was really good to see my friend, but I only went out of my way to see three people while I was there, and I would only consider myself close to two of them. My support system is so much bigger here.

Also, I ended up going to a party in Richmond with some creative writing folks (shoutout to the River Rock). They were the people I hung out with the most while I was in Vancouver and seeing them again reminded me of how poorly I gelled with them. I was not a prototypical creative writing kid, but they were the only friends I found myself with. Obviously I met some really good people, but not everyone was like that. Going out for supper with some of my Swift bros and I am looking forward to chilling with them

Decided to try setting some goals/wants for the rest of the summer (end of August) when I will be moving up to Saskatoon in all likelihood and will have to reassess once again.

1. Survive (on my budget)
2. Put in about 4 days a week playing volume (~30 MTTs per day=~500 per month?)
3. Finish my contract
4. Lose weight (currently ~260lbs, get to 230 by end of August)
5. Eat better
6. Get good sleep
7. Enforce better work habits (ex. on off days, study first/entertainment second)
8. Make efficitent use of my time. If it is spare time to study, STUDY. If it is spare time for entertainment, make it QUALITY entertainment, not mindless junk
9. Read more (fic, non-fic, screenplays, make it broad)
10. Write? See if you can finish a draft of Fish pilot, maybe do short side projects (short films, short stories, non-fic, etc.)

Alright. So, I guess I'll start from the top. My budget is about 4k CAD to survive three more months. Depending on how big my poker bankroll is at the end of August, I may or may not need a job. If I am moving up to Saskatoon tho it is imperative I make it to Stoon and I can get a job there (which is why I'd like to survive on my savings until then). Volume and finishing my contract are self explanatory. It would probably be even better to have more volume, but I really want to study a lot as well so that will be a big emphasis for the rest of the summer as well.

Physical health stuff is second on the list. I've talked about getting in shape earlier in the blog and evidently haven't done it. It is hard to do, but I do have a gym membership for basically the rest of my duration here in Swift and it'd be great if I could start utilizing it. Also, I can make much better food choices than I am currently making. I have been getting better sleep which is great, but I need to stop neglecting the rest of my physical well being. I'm only 22 but I'm not gonna be around forever if I don't make some serious changes soon.

Better work habits and better use of my time are different sides of the same coin. I just want to be making the most of my time, considering I have historically wasted so much of it on pointless bull****. I don't consider entertainment (movies, books, videogames, etc.) pointless unless I'm not learning from it. That's why I like story heavy movies and games which are better alternatives to say NHL 18. Even though I am not writing, trying to stay current, see trends, see what works and what doesn't is really interesting in me. Even though I'm not writing, I haven't forsaken it as a future possibility yet.

Which brings me to writing! Like I said, I haven't been doing it. My time in the program when I was mentally unwell involved tons of **** I wrote the night before deadlines, stuff that was way too raw, stuff I never want to read or think about again. It doesn't mean that what I wrote was bad (people seemed to like it), but I knew that I could've and should've been doing better work. My goal is still to make professional poker work so that will always take precedent over writing, but if I have some free time it'd be nice to try being more creative again.

I get asked if I'm still writing by people in the program and people who know I went to school for it. The answer is no, but really this blog and my journal are the only forms of writing I have right now. Technically it should count, but it's not the most creative endeavor which is fine. I haven't shared my blog with anyone I know just because I don't have much of a filter (not that I care overly much). In the past I've looked to journal entries for creative inspiration and I think this blog will serve me that way and this journey will obviously serve very well as research for anything poker-wise I may write about in the future. So it's all good.

That's pretty much everything. Just a few stray thoughts. Introducing myself as a poker player to people I met in Vancouver last week was weird. Obviously I am beginning to feel some of the social stigma that surrounds the profession, something I've felt for a while now. Having supper with rich North Van people was strange though. I was asked a lot if I'm supporting myself which I say no to. Obviously I am not supporting myself currently. I say I'm building a bankroll, but explaining what a bankroll is and insisting that poker is going well since I started with about $500 CAD and have won about $7.5k CAD despite the fact I'm not supporting myself yet is something I'm not really interested in doing. I have my vision and I think it's going very well.

Another thing. Being around some of the well-off distant family members and other random people who talked for hours about trips and retirements and investments and house evaluations and all of this other stuff was so mind-numbingly boring to me. Obviously they are all super important things to be conscious of, but as a person I am more interested in ideas. Poker has a lot to do with freedom, not about the money for me. That's why I'm playing poker, it's why I went to school for creative writing, it's why I'm not pursuing a normal job or a girlfriend just to have a girlfriend just because these aren't the most important things to me in life. I'm just doing my thing. It's good that other people are content to make money to pay a mortgage and support their family and go on a trip once or twice a year. Our society wouldn't function very well if we didn't have a ton of those people. My goals are just not the same goals as the general populace which is fine by me

Finally. Went for a walk with my Swift bros. My one friend is very interested in my poker journey and is in awe of what I'm doing. He has massive respect for people that just do what they want, set goals and go for it. Which I guess is me. Obviously I feel as though the risks to me were pretty minimal. From the outset I understood this journey as not being a certain thing, and at worst I would lose all of my savings, need to get a job, and then find something else to do while gaining tons of amazing life experience a month long trip to Europe wouldn't give me. That's very different from a 3.5 GPA engineering student who dropped out after his second year to pursue art full time (my friend mentioned he knew a guy who did the exact same thing and he saw a lot of similarities between us). I think I'm intelligent but I'm certainly not the smartest person around and pursuing poker certainly wasn't the smartest thing. Taking a free ride to a UBC degree from my parents even though it almost killed me also isn't a thing I'm proud of. I told him if I had been paying for school myself there's almost no chance I would have gone in the first place, just knowing how uncertain I was with what I wanted to do. I feel bad my parents wasted so much money on a degree they consider very important, but I don't think of it the same way they do. I'm just trying to follow my passions and find something I actually want to do with my life. I feel bad they wasted all that money on school just for me to immediately try becoming a poker player, but it was just something I had to do. A lot of people conform to the set hours, the steady income, and a regular life. I'm not trying to be different. I'm just trying to live the life I want to live, and there's nothing too heroic about that haha

Time to watch some webinars I missed while on vacation. See ya

Do you ever have moments in your life where you wish you articulated yourself better? I've only had that feeling a few times, but wanting to express yourself fully and failing to do so is so frustrating. Good thing this is a blog haha

I just wanted to clarify. I've maybe mentioned this before but from a very young age I realized that I did not want my life to be about money. I think seeing my parents and their obsession with money and trips and things while also maybe not being the happiest people helped me recognize that things were not what life should be about. I say I'm more interested in ideas because I recognize how useless material things can be when it comes to happiness. The two don't always equate. So to have a life that just revolves around things... that is so intensely unappealing to me.

I really don't know that I've articulated myself better. I'm not trying to **** on people that lives are about material things first and foremost. I'm just interested in ideas, I'm interested in happiness, interested in doing something worthwhile. It's different than "Are you supporting yourself?"

Okay. See ya haha

I unfortunately haven’t done any real poker work since I have been back from Vancouver. I’ve had sleep problems and I’ve been pretty out of it last couple of days. It does have to do with me being tired, but also me not eating very well and also just thinking a lot about a lot of mental things. I have homework I was meant to do for my intermediate group but I’m not gonna finish it in time for tomorrow’s webinar. I’m not proud of that, but it is what it is. I’m just focusing on getting my mind back to a level place right now. I wanted to get back to playing today but I think first day back will now be Friday, with more playing time with the Party KO series upcoming next week. I hate excuses and I ****ing hate that I’m using them, but I’m just trying to stay on top of the mental stuff. That has to come first for me. I still might get some work done tonight. We’ll see

Finally did a little bit more poker studying today, feel like I'm getting back on track a bit. I don't know why the last few days felt as ****ty as they did, but I feel like I'm coming out of it which is good. Need to go through the webinars I need to go through and get some notes down. Stop being a ***** about it haha

In other news, tonight was very exciting because it was the Scripps National Spelling Bee finals. I consider myself a poor man's Pratyush Buddiga because I'm the wrong kind of Indian, an inferior poker player, and a much less talented speller when I competed. I made Southern Saskatchewan regionals Grades 6-8, finishing third in Grade 7 and tie-second in Grade 8. Almost made it to Scripps, but not quite. Still choked about the whole situation if you can't tell haha

I spelt along with the finals. In the first round I went 1/16 which was so embarrassing, but I brought it back a bit to finish 22/59 (videlicet was shown on TV before I had a chance to guess so I just didn't count it). Some pretty big hints were given by the commentators as well (ex. phil- meaning love not being a word root for philonium, commentator said "That could be misleading" which completely gave it away). Overall, my performance was kind of ****. I think I could have been third or fourth round Scripps material in my heyday though haha

A quick word about the champion. Obviously, he was a deserving winner. If you make it to the end you are a deserving winner. But it was also complete bull**** because of this RSVBee thing they introduced. This guy got to Scripps despite not winning his spot into it. My understanding is that you could apply to be accepted to Scripps if you lost in qualifying bees for $750 and you could be accepted based on your qualifications or past bee experience.

Obviously, it makes a little sense. If Lebron James and in-his-prime Michael Jordan were both spelling out of Akron, you want both of them to compete at Scripps whereas the previous rule allowing only one winner from Akron would rob the other of an opportunity to compete.

The kid that won the spelling bee tonight was an RSVBee kid. He did NOT win his way to Scripps, which goes against the whole spirit of the competition. Worst of all, from my knowledge the girl that placed second was the girl that BEAT him in their regional spelling bee. This girl basically already beat this kid and he has no right to be there, but then he comes back to win anyways and steal what's probably rightfully hers.

I get the thinking behind RSVBee, but I think it is considerable bull****. Like I said, for me it goes against the spirit of the competition. Also, the $750 fee to be considered is a price barrier that many speller's families wouldn't be able to afford which is really unfair. I get that they want as many kids to compete as possible, but spelling bees are ****ing cutthroat. That kid should be sitting on his couch crying about what could have been watching the girl win, not hoisting the trophy himself.

Those are my two cents. Obviously he was a deserving winner. He was the Lebron James that paid $750 to come back and kick Michael Jordan's ass. I'm not just jealous because we didn't have RSVBee. I'M NOT. IT'S FINE

Whatever. Goodnight

Let's be real though. $750 from a bunch of loser kid families probably went a long way towards financing the entire spelling bee, considering how badly newspaper sponsors and the like are doing nowadays. So it probably has a lot to do with money that they've introduced RSVBee, not so much the Michael Jordan/Lebron James analogy. The spelling bee should be thought of as one very long no-rebuy tournament. If your opponent could rebuy after you knock him out on an FT, you'd be pissed too, right?

Also, shoutout to Spellbound, the greatest spelling bee documentary that will ever exist. 10/10 much recommend

Just thinking about the last week and I have really, truly wasted it. I understand that I want to study and get myself reacquainted with the material I need to know, but I haven’t studied nearly enough. I haven’t played at all cuz I wanted to study and/or get my mind right, so this week has basically become a complete wash. It is important I get my mind right, but I can’t skip an entire week because I don’t feel 100%.

Meditation waa something I looked into at the start of the poker journey but ultimately didn’t do because I didn’t need to do it. I was in the zone, I was relaxed, I was driven. I had my off days but they were relatively infrequent. Maybe this week is a bit of a one-off, but this is obviously a huge poker and life leak if I let it affect me the way I have been. May need to look into meditation or something along those lines. I’m not going to feel 100% every day but if I only play on days I feel good then I am wasting so much time. Having something to get myself in the zone would help so much.

A quick word. I would say that the depression I’ve dealt with and had dealt with in the past, although very serious at times, was never something I wanted to numb through anti-depressants or the like. I’ve always wanted to feel all of the emotions I experience because I want my life to be authentic. I don’t want a drug to remove certain emotions so I can deal with life. I want to face life head on and make it work. That being said, I feel like my anesthetic has been food and entertainment. Those are things I’ve always struggled with restricting myself on and in the past I relied heavily on those to make me feel numb (poker also fit this category before the poker journey where it was mindless gambling and not thoughtful play). So I am wary of meditation just in the way I feel like I would almost be lying to myself. Perhaps by falsely pumping myself up or listening to something that helps me block out unhelpful thoughts I will be robbing myself of a totally authentic life which is something I don’t want to do. Obviously I may be totally off base with this line of thought. I just need to find a way to cope with the mental hurdles I have and preferably do it in a way that I’m okay with. Easier said than done

Webinar today was about studying and inspiration, with a section about setting some long-term goals. Decided to throw some of mine on my dry erase board. If anyone wants to chill I'll be at the WSOP in 2020 lol

Finally put in some decent work the last three days. Played for the first time Sunday (lost money but played okay) and spent Saturday and today watching webinars. Today especially I was on that webinar grind all day and I'm very proud of how much I did. Only real break I had was the second period of Stanley Cup Finals Game 4 when I decided to eat some popcorn and chill. Really rooting for Ovi to pull through, that would be a Chara-level hoisting of the cup for sure

I got into the intermediate MTT group several weeks ago but haven't put a lot of effort into understanding GTO lines. So much Pio flavour going on. Watching coach do Pio stuff in the webinars is okay, but it would be much better if I had it myself. Looks like it's about $500, but that's a little much for me. At my stakes it's good enough to understand what I'm doing and being able to exploit weak players (which is most of the population). I can get Pio when I have more expendable cash for study resources. Pio and RYE are two wishlist study items for the future I'd say. For now, understanding how to play in general and putting in the hours at the tables is more important

Felt better the last few days. Last week probably had a lot to do with knowing I had to do work and feeling like **** for procrastinating. I actually went to the gym yesterday as well for my first run since March I'm pretty sure. I should go tomorrow too.

Gonna be golfing tomorrow with my golf buddy. I haven't been playing as much as I thought I would be at the start of summer so I feel pressure to play more rounds to justify the investment. I only walk so 18 holes is a less appetizing proposition even though it's a walker-friendly course. I've been pleasantly surprised by my play this year. A week ago I shot a 1-over 37 on the nine holes, eight pars and one three-putt bogey. It was the most boring good round I've ever played. Played nine holes on Saturday as well. First four holes were hot garbage but then I fired off three straight birdies, was six-inches short of four in a row, and finished with a thirty-foot downhill bogey putt. Putting has historically been my weakness, so my relative putting prowess has been a nice surprise this year. I know I said I wanted to break par once or twice this year. I still have three months to make it happen

Getting through SCOOP and rewatching the intermediate webinars was most of the stuff hanging over my head, so hopefully I'll be able to find a good study/fun balance from here on out. Feels good to be back on track after a really weird week. I know I didn't play for two weeks but I didn't even feel that rested considering all the **** going on. I was so aware of how much work I needed to do that it wasn't very relaxing. Hopefully I get to the point where I have a solid enough foundation (strategically and financially) that a vacation can really be a vacation. I'm sure I'll get there if I put in the hours. 5AM webinar, gotta prepare for it real quick then hit the hay. Goodnight!

Hey man, just caught up with the thread. Really enjoyed reading it, best of luck this summer!

Thanks man, appreciate it! Good luck to you too

I guess today was a day off. I ended up staying up till 2:30 AM preparing for the webinar. Webinar from 5-6 and then I was back to bed until close to lunch time. Basically wasted most of the day because of ****ty sleep schedule, but it's fine. Got a free lunch at my uncle's restaurant (I felt bad cuz I didn't have any cash on me to tip the waitress ). Golfed, then got some groceries at Safeway today. I wasn't planning on buying a lot but then I heard over the intercom that it was customer appreciation day. Basically, extra Air Miles points or 10% off my groceries if I bought over $50 worth. Finally bought some fresh produce again so hopefully my diet won't just be canned food, pizza, and granola bars.

Here's a pic from the range today. I really like it. Goodnight!

First FT/win in a while. Feels nice to get a small one under my belt after this extended time off. I was wire-to-wire chipleader the entire FT, spamming the min-open button so hard. Lots of fun

Made an F3T in an $11 KO Series tourney on Party as well. I was like 2/30 left at one point, but then I ran AK into AJ (dude had a $100 bounty too ) and then jammed 10bb with AJs on the button and got called by AA in the BB. So I still made a decent amount of money in that tourney, but it could've been more.

Really happy with my game today though. I was locked in from start to finish and spending the last few days grinding the intermediate webinars really showed. I was seeing lots of lines I wasn't before and I think I was making considerably less mistakes. Lots of work still to do but I'm very happy with the progress so far

Boys, that was such a sick game. Overflowing happiness for Ovi, finally got a cup and it was well deserved.



That was a 9/10 celly for sure. I gotta give a 10/10 to my favourite celly of all time tho. Linked the vid cuz you need to hear Chara scream. The dude is a monster and he made Vancouver try to burn the city down. Mad props



The nut low Stanley Cup celly? This one

Heyo. So I was gonna play Friday and Saturday with the KO Series on Party, but I'm skipping both. I stayed up too late last night and when my alarm went off at 8:30, and my brain was just that fuzzy in the back kind of tired, I just decided to take the day off. I did a little work on my notes but didn't do too much. Golfed, hit up the Pizza Hut buffet for lunch, and went out with my friends for Friday night.

Nights out with the boys have been few and far between the last several months. Often times, whether it's Friday or Saturday, I end up ditching early. I have 3 AM webinars every Saturday morning (I have it rn but it is Starter Coaching so not the most important stuff) and Sundays are Sundays so I need my sleep on Saturday night. I was planning on tapping out around 10 or so tonight once again. I needed sleep before and after the webinar if I didn't want to be completely out of it the next day (if I'm playing), but I decided to stay out and take Saturday off. Obviously my discipline is lacking, but I really did want to hang out with my friends. It was honestly a great night and I'm so glad I stuck it out. The party broke up around 2 AM so I just killed an hour driving around Swift before the webinar. Super dope.

I was still thinking of playing later on Saturday, maybe sleeping in and starting around lunch, but then an old friend invited me to her graduation BBQ Saturday night. In high school she hooked me up with snowglobes from her trips to Greece and London (I have a collection lol). We aren't super tight or anything but she saw my snap story from the bar and had no idea I was living in Swift. She tossed me an invite and now I'm going to that. There are going to be a lot of different people I went to high school with, some that I saw at New Years, some that I didn't.

One of the people I'll bump into is a really good friend since elementary school I've grown out of touch with the last few years. He went to school in Saskatoon, I went off to Vancouver. He is also very religious and DID NOT like my short film I made last year poking fun at God a bit. I'm atheist by the way... have I mentioned that?

I was in the Roman Catholic school system until high school and my deconversion starting in Grade 9 was a very big deal when it was happening. It was a very tough year+ and it took a really long time to shake off all the religious stuff that actively ****ed with my head. It was the crisis before the university crisis, but really they were not that far apart from each other. Atheism is still important to me and I am antitheist, but it's not a super huge deal in my life like it used to be. Part of who I am. And I don't think less of people who are religious. I mean, I used to believe in God too, y'know?

Anyways, the second last time I talked to him he sent some argumentative texts about my short. I obviously respect him and tried not to be a dick and just talked to him about it but I'm pretty sure he didn't want to associate much with me after. The last time he messaged me though was in February after I posted my mental health article to say some kind words. So I mean he's a really cool guy and hopefully tomorrow is nice. He's going to school in Saskatoon and it'd be awesome to hang out with him when I move up there in September.

Yeah. Gonna use Saturday pre-BBQ to do some much needed laundry as well. I am prioritizing life over poker these two days because poker will always be here and my friends won't be. Trying my best to cherish the time I have with them. Hopefully tomorrow is very fun

Hey. So tonight was good. Saw my friend and we had some good convos, hopefully we can hang out more this summer since it sounds like he'll be back the entire time. Food was delicious. Had a burger and a smokie and then snuck in another burger right before I hit the road out of there. Consistently eating garbage helps you appreciate the good stuff

It was good, but everyone was drinking and I was chilling with my Coke Zero and at a certain point I just really wanted to go for a walk. So I was there with all my friends but I ditched for 50 minutes to go on this walk. Dropped by my early childhood home, a park I used to go to all the time, and my Aunt and Uncle's old place we'd bike to as kids. And I wasn't planning to be gone that long but I was just really angry and had this stuff in me and really needed to breathe. By the end of the walk I didn't want to go back to the party, I could've stayed on my feet another two hours. But I made myself go back and had a really good hour and a bit before coming home

It's very weird. I have this dark stuff in me and even when I go through good stretches and might be having a good time I know it's still there. I'm always watching it, trying to stay on top of it. I kind of feel like a square for not drinking, but at the same time I don't care that much what people think of me. Last time I got drunk was September. I'm reading through my old journals right now (I'm at November 29th) and it's funny how many times I was wasted and wrote about how I didn't think alcohol was good for me anymore cuz it brought out all of this bad stuff. This was a consistent drunk journal trope for a year before I finally decided to be sober. I'm not an alcoholic or anything, it's not like I would fall off the wagon if I took one sip. It's just that even though I might have good times partying, at some point I would ditch or have to go home by myself and when my friends weren't there all of these mental walls I had to protect myself when I was sober weren't there anymore. Obviously I am doing really good, but I'm not sure when or if I'll ever drink again. Even though I'm stronger I don't really trust myself to be okay if I did. Bring down all those walls I have, even if it's only for a night. It's just not worth it

Got home by midnight, now it's time for bed. Today was still productive poker-wise because I finished my intermediate webinar notes (finally). I hope tomorrow goes really really well. Good night and good luck on Sunday everyone

Hey, nice thread, I've read the whole thing. I'm just getting back into poker and mtts (micros atm) after a long break so I'll be following. ^^

I know exactly what you mean about the alcohol thing. I gave it up October 2016 and haven't touched it since. I wasn't an alcoholic either. I drank frequently but not large amounts if you see what I mean. It was a choice I made for myself. What annoys me is people's reaction when they find out I don't drink and all the questions that follow. Why do I have to justify myself FFS?! I mean if someone says they don't smoke, nobody finds that strange so why should choosing not to drink alcohol be any different?!

Good luck at the tables