So I did end up being the top CFP student for April! My fellow classmate shipped his tourney after an hour long heads-up for $6.1k, but he logged it on CFP as having been a May tourney so then he won't have to pay the profits he owes from it for April. Interesting play. I just asked my coaches to cut me some slack for this month, but he's got his own way of doing it I guess haha

My final stats for the month are as follows

APRIL STATS

• Profit: +3277 Euros
• MTTs Played: 367
• Hours Played: 128

So I crushed April basically. Bear in mind that although I didn't play a ton, I spent many hours studying off of the felt as well. I was not dicking around and the hours I put into my game easily surpassed 128.

My coach said he would hook me up so I'll be able to tackle these next three weeks with a full bankroll. I had two F3Ts in the Monster Series today but no big score yet. Fun fact: seven of my last eight days played were profitable. So it was not a Bigger $3.30 saving my ass kind of month. I was consistently netting results. Obviously a very limited sample size, but it went great and I'm ready for a fantastic May

Good job bro, hope to know you are doing well

Quick update. I have really been struggling with my motivation to stay inside and play poker. Every single day since Sunday I have been itching to go outside and either golf by myself or go hang out with my friends. Because of this, I have stopped registering earlier in the day and I think I am almost wanting to finish my tournaments quickly so i can leave, which obviously negatively affects my play. At the start of every day it feels like I get absolutely steamrolled but somehow two or three tourneys have always brought it back to a winning day.

I am taking today off just to chill and try to get some of these itches out of me. I will be taking Saturday off as well because of an early morning webinar that will leave me out of it for the rest of the day. Obviously this isn’t what I had in mind for the week. I was only going to skip my webinar day and grind the Monster series for the rest of the week. My heart and my head just aren’t in the zone right now and I just know I’m not playing up to the standard I could be. Starting tomorrow the focus will be on poker poker poker. It’s cool to want to do other things, but I really need to be committed these next few weeks to the grind and making the best decision I can in every single spot, no more begging to get knocked out. That obviously just won’t fly.

Booked an eighth straight winning day. Eighth is a great word holy ****. Finished last on an 888 FT after going completely card dead and running Tens into Queens. Cashed a few of my other bigger tourneys to get the profit. I love how I don't even feel like I'm crushing but I'm still on this roll. And there is no way this is normal. Eight straight winning MTT days is just stupid, but I am thankful and enjoying the upswing, however gradual it is.

Happy with my motivation on the felt today. I felt like I wasn't running too good as opposed to punting and making questionable decisions to end the day quick. Going bowling with a friend tonight. Is Friday bowling in Swift glow bowling??? Guess I'll find out.

Heyo. I just came to lay down some thoughts before I get a quick sleep for first Sunday of SCOOP. So ****ing cool that I've heard about it forever and this year I am full on grinding it. So cool

Had an interesting last day and a bit. Just very social. Hung out with my one friend who happens to be a girl in town who I may or may not have had feelings for in the past. Don't worry, she shut me down a few years ago, I'm over it haha. Hung out with some of her crew last night and we went golfing today (she's my go to golf buddy). Getting home from golf I ended up driving past all of my crew who just happened to be walking by my place for a walk. A few of them were getting drunk tonight, and I decided to tag along for a bit. I'm back before midnight, so I did not degen haha

Me and one of the dudes who has become a part of the crew in recent years and who I haven't had the chance to chill with much ended up having some good convos. He just got back to Swift from uni for the summer and he is trying to be sober as well. I know I've mentioned I'm being sober. It's not like I ever had a serious drug/alcohol problem, it just ended up having so many bad associations that every experience ended as a bad one. Drinking is fine. I'm not anti-drinking haha. He had his own deal too, but since we were the two sober guys for the brief time we were at the bars I gave him a lift home when I left.

He had a lot of interesting stuff to say about Swift Current and the kind of people here. He basically is not a fan of the town. It's just kind of a ****hole, and his big point was that most of the people still living here are doing nothing with their lives. And he's right. All of the people that have gone on to do or are trying to do something with their lives has basically left, a huge exodus of positive spirit. Now the town and the bars and all that **** are filled with the people who don't have any kind of goals. Sure, there's farmers and lots of families here. But there are all of the people who never went to school, who never got a job, who live at home with their parents doing nothing.

That is literally my entire crew haha

And I love them. I love all of them. But they don't have goals. Which is okay. Not everyone needs huge aspirations. Our society needs all kinds of people on all kinds of levels to function properly. But this guy kept talking about how it is so easy for pot and alcohol and Swift Current to kind of pull him into a malaise where it's hard to keep on the straight and narrow driving towards anything.

I can obviously completely sympathize with all he's said. I am in town and I am social, but I am also on my own island on my own mission. I left the bar on a Saturday night early so I could wake up at 6:45 AM for SCOOP. Most Saturdays I would have just stayed at home anyways.

My one golf friend is not of that same ilk. She is not part of the crew. She is her own separate entity in my life. Last night I hung out with some of her crew, kids I grew up with who graduated engineering programs. They are talking about applying to other programs, looking for work abroad, all of these brilliant people in Regina and Saskatoon. And I just have my Swift bros.

Even in the Vancouver creative writing program so many people were defeatists, especially the screenwriting kids. They'd write a short involving a hundred people packed in a church and joke about how they would never be able to make their script, any of their scripts. Write them and let them disappear into the ether. It was such a load of sh**. I was a non-functional human my last year at UBC, but I decided I would make a short film and I actually made it happen. It was not great. It was not even good. Some people (many) would probably say it was not even mediocre. But I made it. I was trying to accomplish something. Even if my heart was never fully in writing, I was trying to make it as best I could. I wasn't doing nothing

So many people don't have purpose and that was probably my biggest life struggle before the poker journey. I am not saying I am superior to my friends here. I love them. But I also feel like Swift is not an end destination for me. Bigger and better things are out there in my future. Of course, I don't fully know what they are or where they'll take me. I just know I won't be here forever. I can get a job and live my life and be fine with it, but that is not what I want. I want to do something. Even if I fail, I am out here trying to make sh** happen. That is better than most people can say

SCOOP SCOOP SCOOP. I am going to have so much fun the next few weeks

Lost a few hundred bucks this Sunday. I bricked the Monster series all week and didn’t do too hot on Stars today either. No super deep runs.

Except for the SCOOP Mini Sunday Kick Off. I believe I am currently 41/95 left after day one, Day 2 starting up again at 6AM. Gonna be an early but exciting day tomorrow. My numbers are a little skewed because I haven’t received the money from this cash yet which is why I’m not devastated by today. I think I’ve locked up around $70 and first place pays out $15.8k. What a start to SCOOP that would be. Wish me luck

Chopped up a smaller 888 tourney today for a few hundred bucks. Placed 39th in the SCOOP event for a nice but relatively insignificant cash. I was up at 5:30AM after sweating bricks in bed all night and ended up playing 13.5 hours today, I think my longest session yet. I stopped registering at lunch time cuz I was on tilt and running horrible and I thought I'd be able to go golf. I like money tho so I'm not complaining about the long hours today

Really cool fact. Today I broke 5k Euros in profit, meaning I am halfway done my CFP contract. So proud of myself. I can take so much pride in having put in the work to become an effective poker player after being such a fish for a long time. Obviously the profits can still sink back down a bit, but I am going to take pride in the accomplishment. Gonna watch some hockey and then try getting a good night's sleep. See ya

Got ****in smoooooked today. Lost a couple hundred bucks. It’s not the end of the world, still in profit for the month, but bricking all the big tourneys I’m playing hurts. Outside of my chop for first a few days ago, I haven’t had much in the way of meaningful deep runs. For a while there it felt like I was getting at least an F3T every day, but it appears that run good is drying up.

I feel like I am making a fair amount of mistakes. Loose calls, loose defends, opting to check down instead of going for thin value. I want to take time to study, but I still think it’s more important I grind SCOOP. Afterwards I can take a while to take a long hard look at my game. There are a lot of different things to add to my arsenal that some time in the lab would be nice to have.

Winnipeg is up 3-1 against Nashville in Game 7. My dad keeps asking the fam if we want to go see a Jets game next series in Vegas (assuming they win). Keep saying I’m busy because yes, I am very busy. The SCOOP grind is real boys. Vegas seems like a trap for a small stakes MTT player anyways haha

Been thinking about taking tomorrow off but I need to stay focused and on the grind. Maybe it would be a good idea to go golf nine holes in the morning instead. Wasn’t able to go on my day off and need a bit of a break. Maybe some early morning golf would lead to a nice day at the tables

My head is honestly so out of it. Executive decision to take tomorrow off. Need to get with it

Why not take your dad on the Vegas offer... Rooting for the Jets/making some low variance monies in 1-2/1-3 games sounds more appealing (and more of a rest), than the high variance SCOOP grind... my 2 cents.

I could, I could. Trip at the end of month to Vancouver for my bro's grad means I won't have a ton of time to play this month if I do go to Vegas. Also, I know for a fact that my mom would not be into it. We were down in Vegas for me and my bro's 21st bday for some reason and she wasn't happy that I spent all my free time at the poker tables. Of course, I'm much better now than I was then. Doesn't make much of a difference to her though, so I'd rather stick to the computer.


That being said, tonight was interesting. Just a lot of **** on my mind. Obviously I wasn't feeling great from the poker, but it was mostly non-poker stuff. Ended up walking around town for a couple hours, just trying to work it off. Last year I got into the habit of voice recording some pretty low moments on my phone and I listened to one from nearly a year ago. Helps keep me grounded.

Just gotta say that it's okay to feel bad sometimes. Not every day has to be a good one. In fact if life was just perfect, that'd probably be boring as ****. Nice to have a bit of a stinker today.

A year ago I was just beginning at Safeway, about a week into training. My life was working inconsistent hours, ordering in pizza every other night, and playing The Witcher with all my free time (with the occasional casino trip sprinkled in). I remember how I had no purpose in my life a year ago. I had no drive, no goals, no self-worth, nothing. A lot of my recording was just me trying to pump myself up, trying to talk myself into giving a damn about anything. It's kind of funny cuz I can hear all the bits in there that helped push me towards poker. The crumbs are there if you know where to look.

I'm still doing very good. Honestly feel the best mentally since high school when I just did my thing and didn't care what other people thought about me. That's not a secret to happiness obviously. I do care what other people think about me, but I like where my priorities and aspirations are right now. Doing good. Tomorrow I'm just gonna take it easy and come back to the SCOOP grind for Saturday. See yaaaa

Didn’t go out to golf today. It’s a little chilly, very cloudy and occasionally drizzly. I could’ve gone, but decided to stay in and do my laundry instead. I’ve just been washing my laundry out at my parent’s place but with SCOOP I don’t really have the time to go out and spend the night. Used the machines in the apartment basement, cost 10 dollars and some of my clothes are still wet. Damn

Finally rewatched my one-on-one sesh from three weeks ago. Not sure why I took so long to look at it, but my studying work ethic has kinda slipped in the last few weeks as I focused more on playing and also on myself. Feels really good to do some work off of the felt, try to wrap my head around some of my leaks.

While my clothes were in the dryer I walked down to the library and looked at the movies they had available. Took out Leviathan, mother!, and Beguiled. Beguiled is Victorian England stuff that I usually wouldn’t be interested in but I read Pride and Prejudice two years ago and was surprised by how much I like it. Also it’s Sofia Coppola. I rented Lost in Translation a couple weeks ago and was super into it. All in all it has been a very chill, satisfying day

Mother! is quite an interesting flick and which I prefered significantly more upon reflection afterwards then while viewing it... It is very rich in its symbolic/allegoric nature, yet is not a pleasant viewing (disturbing as frack ).

Cool! I have only heard that lots of people didn't like it which I think was because they didn't really know what they were getting into, kinda like what happened with The Witch. There's probably a decent chance I won't be into it either, but guess I'll find out haha

SCOOP Sunday is off to a poor start after a record loss Saturday session where I cashed one tourney. To give you an idea of how the day is going, I am playing the $22 SCOOP 6-Max and got KJo in the cutoff. Opened it and the small blind 3bet me. I defended and saw a flop of AQ3.

Villain cbet half pot. And normally I wouldn't call such a bad draw, but I decide to peel since we're over 100bb deep and I can stack him if I hit. Of course, the turn hits and it is a ****ing ten.

I start laughing my ass off. Villain fires turn again and I reraise him. Villain jams the rest of his stack in, and that's when I realize I have JT, not KJ. I punted off a third of my stack cuz I misread my hand.

So I mean hopefully today goes better. I've already won two bounties today and have therefore made more money than yesterday. Nowhere to go but up, right???

Lost $256 USD on the day, have lost a ****load over this brief downswing. I don't want to be the guy that blames it all on luck. I don't feel as though I have been playing my best. That being said, I was running bad today and lots of it was out of my control. My game isn't fundamentally different, but my results are. ****ing sucks.

Might take tomorrow off to study and course correct. This is frustrating. After a really sick April, I wanted to absolutely crush May. It doesn't look like that's going to happen :/

For some reason I was under the impression that mother! was a horror film? I guess not. Still pretty good tho, interesting to say the least. Makes me want to write tbh, channel some of my thoughts into story. We’ll see I guess lol

For some reason I was under the impression that The Beguiled was a Victorian England period piece but it was actually an American Civil War period piece and holy **** I was so ****ing about it. I had no idea what I was getting into which I think is the ideal way to go into watching a movie. 9/10 for me, great film. Turns out Sofia Coppola is my spirit animal???

Also got to play 18 holes today. Last week was kinda ****ty, wet weather which was great for the grass cuz it's finally green now. I broke 80 for my first time this year. I'm pretty sure I shot a 4-over 76, but there's a possibility I shot anything between 76-78. I know I shot a 1-over 37 on my first nine with two birds and lots of sick putts. Ended up waiting a half hour for my friend to show up for the second half and I ended up losing my scorecard in that half hour. It was in the back pocket of my shorts the entire time. Classic. Got seriously coolered by the half hour wait too. My first tee shot back was a sick top 50 yards into the rough. It was a good bogey

Fun fact: the Swift Current Broncos won the WHL championship last night, their first since '93. They're gonna go for their first Memorial Cup now since Joe Sakic in the 80's. I don't really follow the team/care overly much, but I'm aware of it. At the golf course today some of the Broncos came out and golfed. I only know that because the WHL championship trophy (Ed Chynoweth Cup) was literally sitting unattended on a table in the clubhouse. I could have stolen it and no one would have known any better. For some reason I thought about stealing it but wasn't smart enough to take a quick pic with it. Damn shame, but I'll live

I'm trying to strike a good life/poker balance, but I think I'm more interested in the good life aspect right now. Starting to make plans with the few friends I need to see in Vancouver next week. Not sure when I'll be back (if I'll go back), so I'll try to make the most of my time. The poker game suffering probably has a lot to do with me not studying the last couple of weeks but that correlates with all of the series' that have been on. Once SCOOP and Vancouver are over, I'd like to spend some quality time studying again. My game is still solid and maybe it is just run bad, but too much time in the lab wouldn't hurt.

I'm not too sure what the BR/life roll will look like by the end of the month, but I might look for a part-time job to help cover living costs. Find it hard to believe I'll be able to make it through the entire summer only on the savings I have left. Looking for a cheaper place in town too but I will be staying in Swift for the rest of the summer. I have tentative plans to move up to Saskatoon at the start of September. My golf bud is moving away for work, I'm not seeing my crew super often anyways, and Saskatoon seems like a cool place to live. Still within driving distance of home. 2.5 hours (Saskatoon) is a lot different than 16 hours (Vancouver).

Back to SCOOP tomorrow! Day off with hopefully another 18 holes Wednesday, then I'm on the grind again till the end of SCOOP and the trip to Vancouver. Hopefully my luck turns around

If you enjoyed Sofia Coppola's The Beguiled then you should definitely check out the 1971 version. It's identical in many ways but the actors' performances are better. It's also more explicit (modern audiences would flip their sh*t a few minutes into the film) and also much more emotionally impactful.

Also let's be honest here, Clint Eastwood >>> Colin Farrell

Definitely something I need to check out. I had no idea it was a remake until I did some research a little later. But I gotta say I’m partial to Colin Farrell after The Lobster and Killing of a Sacred Deer (Colin Farrell/Nicole Kidman reunion!)

On the poker front I had a good day today, winning back a couple hundred and getting back into profit for the month of May. I really began thinking I’d forgotten how to poker even though it wasn’t a super long downswing, but hopefully I am at the start of another upswing.

I had an F2T in the Hot $11 and have made another Day Two in the SCOOP $22 PKO. I’ve won about tourney average in bounties as well which is why today was as good as it was. I believe I am 67/133 left. Not sure how I will handle my day tomorrow, but it is imperative that I can focus as much as possible on that tourney. $16.8k plus bounties for first, so praying for some run good tonight

good luck, get started on crime and punishment, put it on the back of your toliet

Haha I think I might start it during my trip to Vancouver. I just started The Last Wish which is one of the Witcher books, a bunch of short stories so not as demanding. I gotta remember Crime and Punishment for the plane tho 👌🏻

Loved The Lobster, will watch Killing of a Sacred Dear soon... I did not like Colin Farrell until I saw In Bruges and Seven Psychopaths, both GOAT neo noir movies!!!


Glad to hear that you are turning your month around bro, keep it up

I'm a Colin Farrell too, he's actually an underrated actor I think, but he just doesn't have the presence of Clint Eastwood (then again who does). And yeah I agree, The Lobster and Killing of a Sacred Deer were both great. Gotta say though, the director of those two movies is one weird dude