Precursor- Hi all I have had several threads in this forum but have been unable to maintain the commitment. My communication about situation has not been great. Also with Tapatalk it is 100% easier to post and reply so that will make this easier.
History- I have been in poker for 10 years off and on. Started with NLHE cash and mtts, stopped playing to focus on girls and league of legends lol! When I came back to poker 5 years ago NLHE was solver based and way way more huds. Overall I didn’t want to put the effort in to be a winning player.
Switched games to plo 4 years ago, didn’t know where to begin. Watched all the free content, even got an hour coaching session from an online pro. Kyyberi I believe his name is, but bankroll and management has always been my biggest downfall. I study I watch I think I implement, as soon as my money reached 500$ I would implode jump stakes to .25/.50 on ACR and get killed. I played with a hud and took notes. But couldn’t break through.
Rinse repeat global, ignition, acr. I have played on them all. Get to 500$ and explode. Am I not good enough? Do I play bad and not care about money? Am I not mature enough to play larger stakes?
Basically I kept ramming my head into this invisible wall of bankroll and could never break through. That is when my Poker journey has changed and exploded into a space I am thankful for every single day. My discovery of PPPOKER, the treacherous world of shady people. Scammers and the like, but if you fight through those things. The softest games on the Internet by far.
I played plo in a private club and took my 200$ roll to 30k, play .25/.50-5/10 over a years time. Things happen, no longer with that club. Luckily through peer fate find another one and another one. And here we stand. My roll is at 29k, my goal is to update this thread with emotions and thoughts. No specific hand histories or pictures.

My poker goals, why do I play. I have a full time good job I love. And I have had more money in 2 years from poker that previously in my mind would take me a lifetime. My goals are to enjoy the time playing the game. And to not implode. To maintain a reasonable structure of bankroll management. And emotional management. My “poker money” does not conflict or get used for my daily expenses in any sense. And I work over 40 hrs a week. But no casino within a reasonable distance to drive and play.

I know this was long winded, I’m sorry for the structuring of this. But I wanted to give a small back story and understanding of where I am coming from. Thank you for the read. This is more for me, than any readers. But I will check more than once a day. And update at least once per day. Thank you!

ShipIt

In for the upswing.

As I am yours


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I apologize for not updating the thread like I originally set out to do. I need to change my mindset from a recreational poker player who is on the heater. To approach the game from more of a professional standpoint. What I mean by that is, have more structure in my bankroll management and shot taking.

My issue is that I feel I have all of the money in the world and if I play higher stakes I can just lose and the money does not affect me day to day. These are my thoughts and typing them out in this thread will hopefully keep me accountable on my journey.

As I said in the start this thread is not for others, but mainly a place I can keep myself accountable. Thank you for reading have a good night.

ShipIt

Bankroll around 26k, I still cannot play .50/1. Everytime I try to play I look at that stake and think I am above it. When the exact opposite is true. I am not good enough to drop the ego and grind. Even 1 day, 1 hour. I always look at join 2/4+. For what reason? I barely have the buy ins to play 1/2. And I want the pain and the swings of 2/4+?? But that’s the thing. There is no swing. If I win. It doesn’t matter. But if I lose, I have buyers remorse and think about what I could have done in real life with 1k. This is a nasty viscous cycle that needs to stop.

ShipIt

Won 1.6k at 1/2 yesterday in 15 minutes. Won every 3bet pot I played. Wow. I ran so hot. Makes no sense why I always want to look to play higher. When the potential to win that much is at lower stakes when my exposure is only 100-150BB. So dumb of me. My emotions remind me of the beginning of my Poker journey. When I would grind and play good to make 500$ then immediately move up and play till I was busto

I have come along way since then but clearly not there yet. I still always check 2/4+. What if the fish at those stakes get broke and leave forever. I missed out on all that money. I have 25k why can’t I take a shot with 3k. I got all this money. **** it. These are my thoughts. Thank you for reading

ShipIt

6 Tabled on the treadmill for 30 minutes. Listening to classical music felt awesome. Won like 200 or something but it’s not about the money. It’s about getting to the mind set of grinding at .50/1 or 1/2 and not just immediately playing 2/4+ every session

ShipIt

Why does it feel better to get even after being stuck, then it does to just have a small winning session? Poker and money play very interesting emotional tricks on us. Also, just got hit n ran on for 200$. This tilts me more than losing 500$ in a proper heads up battle where you set an end time. Or say “10 more minutes” or at least communicate hey I gotta go man sorry. At least give me something. Not scoop the pot and snap leave the game lol

ShipIt

Played 5/10 just lost 2.8k in 10 minutes. Why. Why why why why why why why. Makes zero sense at all. Way to **** up all of that hard work you idiot. Piece of crap. You don’t deserve this money. Just give it all away. F IT. It only takes you a month to make 3k and you just lost that in 10 minutes. You ignorant mother..........

Bankroll: 26773

It is Friday Aug 2,2019 2:31am. For the next 4 days. I will filter the games in pppoker to only list .50/1 and play that stake. Period for the next 4 days. That’s it.

ShipIt

Failure. I have found my rhythm again. Playing 100bb 1/2 plo5. And really just adding the tables has helped me focus on playing well and not results oriented. I have over 100 buy ins for this stake. But it is what makes me happy. It allows me to build my roll with very little poker or life stress. And although it is not optimal for getting to mid and high stakes asap. It is optimal for me and my life path at the moment. Thank you for reading.

I don’t know why I have these self-destructive behaviors. But I do feel I am making strides, in my poker journey it would be deposit $50 get to $200 get bored tilt off. Now it is have $25,000 get to $30,000 get bored tilt $5000. Now back to 25,000 lol! Progress at least. Writing down these numbers helps with perspective.

ShipIt

Tilted off 1.5k Bankroll: 22264. How do I stop this cycle

Going to not post bankroll. I have enough buy ins. It’s about grinding my win rate and improving leaks I know I have. The money will come. If I focus on just playing and enjoying my time at the table. Money will come and moving up will be a natural Occurrence instead of obsessing over my bankroll.

ShipIt

Been much happier playing .50/1 at around 150-200 BI bankroll. I am able to play with no fear. Which helps with volume even through variance! No more emotional break downs. On the climb to 30k bankroll

ShipIt

And I **** up. Lost 3k past 36 hours. The cycle continues. I don’t think I have enough control to play this game

Lost another 1k. Considering uninstall. At this point. Bankroll 20k

Goal: .50/1 or below. Till I hit 40k bankroll. Done

I go on downswings all the time. My philosophy is, when you are playing well and running good, play longer and add in that extra session. But when the cards are not going your way, take a break.

By the way, good idea dropping down in stakes where you feel comfortable playing.

Thank you for the response! I agree with everything you said.

Not goona apologize or explain the past. New motivation prove to myself I can reach the number ideal for me to quit my job and go pro. So it gives me options for my career path in the future. Will update hopefully daily. Consolidated my roll to 3 sites to play on. And ready to play whenever I can. I have a game plan for being optimal with selection of when to play on the sites. (Some are mobile and browser based).

Will update with current bankroll. First goal. Is to get to 40,000 bankroll. Poker is multiplier based game. The higher you play the more you make in most situation. But I need to be over rolled to execute on that plan as discussed previously in this thread with my emotions. Thank you for the passive viewers and active posters. This seriously helps me. And looking back the journey helps me.

Current: 17.3k

ShipIt

Stumbled across your thread today and I'm loving it. I feel so much of your leaks if I may, no offense. I am the same way and still am trying to change my discipline issue regarding taking shots and chasing losses etc. If you ever feel like talking to someone who is majority the same way as you when it comes to the mental part of making it as a grinder i would be happy to be a penpal of sorts. Currently I'm still applying the concept of life roll and bankroll being seperate so you have one up on me in that aspect!! On a side note: huge props to you for brm.40k br grinding .5/1-1/2 .. if you keep this discipline up I'm sure you can realize your dreams of going pro

Thank you! Maybe I miss represented. The bankroll is at 17k. I want 40k before moving back to 2/4-5/10. Regardless thank you for taking the time to respond, people following gives me motivation. I know it should be self motivation but any rationale to get the volume in is good with me lol!

ShipIt


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Awaiting your next post. Would you consider adding in some hand histories? or maybe just some daily stuff that you did would be nice to see

Trying to read more on emotional control and things of that nature. My motivation to play is down. Bankroll took another hit. Played 100plo lost 3 buyins when ahead 70/30 on flop in 25 minutes. Tilted and played 3/6plo lost 800. Bankroll 14k. Just can’t have discipline. I don’t know what to do

Thank you for reading!

ShipIt

Thank you sir. I appreciate you posting and following. I use to post hand histories but it became very time consuming. More than happy to talk daily things. My personal life away from Poker I will keep to myself. But anything poker related I will share!