Angry Venting Feel Free to Ignore

Well today was as frustrating as it gets! I really want to break something right now. After a promising start I bubbled the $200 50K after opening to 3K at 750/1500 from UTG with QQ. I had 60K to start and when it folded to the SB he jammed 150K. The idiocy on these sites is sky high but I guess that's why we make money. If he has AA he's losing all the value in the world. If he has KK he's allowing alllllllll the hands he beats to fold pre. The only value in shoving KK is if I have exactly QQ, AND am a thinking player since a lot of people will fold here since it's the bubble. It's unorthodox and still just atrocious to do this as a bluff, but it is interesting since I should be folding almost everything. Doing it with a value hand is that much worse since everything worse than you folds. So obviously I call with QQ and he has KK. I know this kid in real life, he's a nice guy and as far as I know plays poker for a living, but this is the **** that drives me to drink. This only works if I have EXACTLY QQ, maaaaaaaybe AK. AQ is a fold and I probably just muck JJ and work with my 38BBs. But to bust this specific tournament with 6 until the money I need this kid to just spaz with that exact hand against this exact hand. I'm obviously not playing to mincash since I'm calling off here but losing the $310 mincash isn't fun either. It's also hard watching my buddies run into this situation but villain has 88 while he has AA and he goes on to chop it heads up last week. I feel like I just cannot make it work in these big tourneys; I know it's going to come but the really absurd bust outs are just getting so old. I busted the other major blind vs blind vs a total spew tard when I open A8 he defends, flop 898 I bet he raises like 2x pot I flat and I lose to 95 after the turn is one of the 2 remaining 9s. I probably could have folded later in the hand but why am I getting 2 outtered on the turn against the only guy at the table who is going to just keep mashing the pot button???

Today's Results

Alright venting is over. In for $1201.50 today out for $581.33 for a total loss of $620.17. I went AT<KQ, AK<44, KQ<J9, and ran into AK about 4 different times with standard shove hands, all in the last 20 minutes of my session to quickly bust the last 3 tourneys. It was one of those days that started well and then went to **** SO fast, while I have friends on Skype telling me how great their day is going. This is why I don't like to Skype while playing anymore!! It's rare everyone is going to be having a good day so either you're both miserable or one of you is doing well and the other feels bitter about it. Obviously I want my friends to succeed but when they find bink after bink in the biggest NJ MTTs while I'm stuck grinding and hoping to win the small stuff after the big ones just go to ****, I just start to get a little salty. I really hope my mindset continues to improve in the future, because it certainly has gotten better in the last few weeks. I have a long way to go in that department though.

More Mindset Stuff

Why is it that my mindset was better when I was in a downswing?? I think I have figured out the answer, which I may have touched on in previous posts. When I was losing there were no profit expectations. The only thing I could focus on was making the correct and profitable plays, because it got to the point that I didn't expect to hold anymore. However, since I was in my professional mode at the time, I didn't let that bother me and I just continued to get it in good and trust that it would work out. And then it did. And when it started going well again I started setting goals and looking at the money again. I absolutely have to find a way to not look at results, whether winning or losing, in any way. For this reason, having a bankroll goal by the end of the year might be a mistake. I've been pushing really hard the last week or so to get the roll to 30K so I can feel good about withdrawing at the end of the month. So when a bad beat "takes that away" from me, I handle it so much worse than when I didn't expect the money to be there.

When I expect to make money, I get tilted more easily. When I feel entitled to win, the mouse goes flying when I lose. I need to become detached from the money and these feelings of deserved-ness. I don't deserve to run QQ into KK in a big spot, but I also don't really deserve not to. I didn't deserve to get AA when villain got KK at the big live final table, but I also didn't deserve to have it hold. I didn't deserve to win any of those tournaments, and I am in absolutely fine financial shape after losing them; that is what the bankroll management is for. I HAVE to find a way to think like this, even when the bad stretches are occurring. Winning with AA vs KK would have given my journey a kick start and allowed me to feel very stress free about the money. But it just wasn't the time, and that would have been more of a treat than anything. I didn't deserve to win, I only deserved to have a small chance to win.

And that is why we all play the game, for the CHANCE to come out on top. No one is entitled to the winning itself, but everyone is entitled to the opportunity. Those who are best at the game are just a little bit more likely to win, but no one is SUPPOSED to get there every time. Some day I will have this all figured out and tilt will no longer get to me; I truly believe I will completely master my emotions at some point. But for now I will simply try to keep the broken mouse count to a minimum

And Finally, a Link to My Market Place Thread

As promised in the last post, I am selling action to some of my upcoming tourneys in the Borgata Poker Open. Here is the link to that thread. Any questions about it can be asked in that thread, or through PM, or on here.
http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/18...ckage-1556816/

One Last Little Troll to End the Week!



I was actively trying to get people to play in the last hour of the promo and could not get any sng to run. Difference between 2nd and 3rd was $40 argh!!!

Gonna go to Six Flags Great Adventure today and then go visit the gf again so should be a good day!

Online Cash Game Session

Just played about 500 hands of $100NL, 5 tabling for an hour, 3 on Party and 2 on WSOP. Made $157.46 but more importantly felt like I was really thinking out every decision. I've watched a few sessions of AdrianFenix on Twitch and the way he talks about combos of hands and staying balanced (but doing all of this in his own unique way which makes it very hard to follow his thought process unless you can really understand what he's saying, which I think I do) is amazing and I tried really thinking like that throughout. Truth be told, the session was only a winning one because I won a $200 flip, but I really do think I was playing pretty well. I think I tried to hop into higher stakes cash games (primarily $200NL) online too quickly a few months ago and was turned off to the whole thing. Since tournaments don't run during the day, grinding cash before 7PM might be something I should look to do. I just hope the 100NL games will continue to run. Watching Fenix exploit the fish and shrug when he takes a beat is really great for me; instead of being a bit timid about hopping into a new arena where I won't know how to react against strange plays, I instead now think I will welcome it realizing how profitable it is long term if I can keep finding tables with fish. In New Jersey cash games online, there are a lot of fish, and I'll simply have to get used to tendencies of the regulars. For now though I'll stick with 100NL which should be quite beatable. Check back in a week when I've completely abandoned the idea of cash games again since this seems to be the cycle I enter a lot

Rest of the Day

Great Adventure was a fun way for my dad, brother, and I to sort of end the summer. My dad's school year (he's a teacher) starts up soon and my brother starts his first big boy job (he's an engineer so he'll be richer than me in no time) next week. My girlfriend starts a new job tomorrow as well (I'm so excited for her!!), so we decided it'd be better if I go see her tomorrow early afternoon rather than tonight when I'd just get there late only for her to have to leave early anyway. So I have some more time to get stuff done. I'm in the middle of laundry right now, I'm gonna go try to run 5 miles while that is going. I've really been slacking in the running department ever since my foot started bothering me. I ran the 5K last Saturday, which ended up officially going down as 18:28 which is pretty awesome. But since then I've only done 2 slowish runs with my girlfriend that totaled to 6 or 7 miles. So today I'll go 5 and tomorrow I'm going to try to do a workout on the track while keeping an eye on how my foot is feeling.

And I will of course put a session in online tonight as well! It's looking like I'm going to need to profit about $550 tonight to get the bankroll to $30000 before the end of August. In any case I'll be withdrawing a big chunk either today or tomorrow; $1200 for September's expenses and probably 3-4 thousand to put into savings. Like I've said before, the primary, must have, #1 goal by the end of the year is to have 10K in savings in case of an emergency. I could just withdraw 10K now and put it in but I'd rather it be a gradual build up so that I can continue to comfortably play the stakes I enjoy.

Alright run time, followed by shower and food, followed by a late-ish start to the MTT grind tonight. Updates on month overall coming up next!

Today's Run

The run went well, I decided beforehand to do 4 instead of 5 just so I don't get discouraged by 5 making me tired. After a quarter mile my watch said I was going 8 minute pace; I wanted to go slow but more in the 7:15-7:30 range so I sped up. And never slowed down! 7:06-6:39-6:40-6:47 for a total of 27:12 for 4 miles. A very encouraging way to hop back into running.

The Nighttime Grind

We ended up with $389.60 in buy ins and $559.42 in returns for a $169.82 profit in MTTs and a total profit of $327.28 on the day when including the cash games from earlier. It was an incredibly frustrating session. When we got 9 handed in the $100 MTT that had 45 runners I was in 3rd and there were 5 other regs. When we got down to 4 every other reg had busted and I had 2 poor players and 1 seemingly decent player left. I finished 4th. Very very frustrating when that happens, especially with $1350 up top and only $444 to 4th. I believe even a 2nd place would have gotten me to 30K! Not that it really matters since I'll be withdrawing a bunch shortly but it would have been nice to just have eclipsed that mark.

I also cashed the $30r 10K guarantee on WSOP, and that was just as frustrating. I made the right decision early in inducing with AQ from CO w 15BBs instead of just ripping since an aggro reg was in the BB, and sure enough he jammed with AT and I held. He might have called my shove anyway but the min guaranteed the double. A lot of the time I just shove there because you get flatted in that spot in NJ way more often than you should, and it's such an awkward spot when button flats and it comes T74. I'm still in between on what I like best there when there are randoms behind left to act who don't 3b shove as light as they should, but with regs behind I think a min is mandatory there.

I later 3b from BB with about 30BBs to start the hand vs a known spaz's open. I had AK, he flatted, it came 876. I probably should just c/f tbh but decided to bet 1/3 pot in case he had an AQ/AJ/KQ or even 33 type of hand. He snap shoved, I folded, and he wrote "boom. fishing with dynamite" in the chatbox. Alrighty. Later got KK in vs AT and it came A high, and I hobbled into the money with 6BBs. KJ in vs A8 for the last of it and did not get there despite the QT4 flop. So a very frustrating (but still profitable) end to August!!

That all being said, I think I did a much better job today on focusing solely on my decision making. When I started to feel emotional I was good with taking a step back and asking myself WHY I was feeling upset or angry or frustrated. It always stemmed back to me wanting to make money too badly. When I focus strictly on how I'm playing I feel much better, and I did a good job of that today.

August's Results

MTTs/SNGs
BUY INS: $18515.05
RETURNS: $25564.79
PROFIT: $7049.74

Total profit in August was $7546.27 after winning $628.13 playing cash, mainly just from today's session and a session on the 22nd. Total in bonuses and casino was -$132.60!! This should probably not happen, but I do occasionally play very small stakes in the casino for fun with my girlfriend. If I lose $15 here and there I'm not really going to sweat it. The loss was mainly from losing $200 in AC playing blackjack but again, I knew going into it that losing the $200 was fine as long as I enjoyed myself.

So that was my August. I think next month I will try to separate MTTs and sngs in a more effective way. I could go through and count all of the sit n gos I played and manually add up everything to figure out the stats there but it seems like more work that it's worth. I believe the plan now is to withdraw $4200, leaving myself with >$25K in the bankroll, giving myself $1200 for the next month's expenses, and padding savings with $3000. That will put me within $5K of the goal of having 10K in savings, and the more money that goes into savings, the more I feel like I really am playing this game professionally and am doing it the responsible way. It's boring that way but much smarter in my opinion. As more money comes in I will start thinking about investing it in stocks and whatever else a normal person with a 9 to 5 job would do to remain financially stable.

Don't forget to check out my package to the upcoming Borgata Poker Open! The link is 3 posts down and I've already sold 17% so 33% remains and you've got a week left to buy. Here's to running good in September as all my teacher friends start back up with their grind as well!

September

This month I will be recording my MTTs and SNGs in different columns in the spreadsheet I am using so I can see exactly how well I do in each much more easily. I'll be recording the buy ins, returns, profit, and ROI of both MTTs and SNGs separately, and then the total for the two combined each day. I'm a stats nerd so while it probably isn't super important to know what my ROI is for one day (such a small sample), it'll be fun for me to look back and see how each day went. With how good or bad I've found myself feeling after a 4 figure day it will be nice to look back on the span of the month and see how insignificant each day really is.

Yesterday's Results

Speaking of 4 figure days I eeked one out yesterday. After a frustrating start, which was mainly my fault because I started my session quite late, I was down to 2 tables facing a -$400ish day if I couldn't find a cash in either. About 4 hours later I busted 3rd of 94 in the $55 5K on Party (it used to be a $45+$5 and they just changed it 2 days ago to a $50+$5) for $660. I won some flips to get to that point and ran well overall. I think I did play quite well at the final table though when considering ICM implications. I've been watching a bit of Rupert Elder on Twitch and he seems like the consummate professional, really having a good grasp on ICM and not letting the "I want to win this thing!" mentality get in the way of making money. I remember 9th place busting around 10:02PM, and 8th place eventually busted at 10:50. It was a pretty ridiculous grind but that tourney has probably the best structure of any tournament all day so I end up really picking my spots and passing up on marginal ones to find better ones. I was short most of the final table but kept laddering, got 2 quick doubles with 4 left to get back into it but eventually did bust 3rd. I was quite happy with that tournament overall.

I was however still at the final table of the WSOP 10K while this was all going on. I was running away with it with 15 left with about 350K of the 2M or so in play and then made what I think might have been a really bad call off. I open A7o OTB to 20K at 10KBB and the SB, a tight but solid reg who I believe has been making his living from poker for over a decade now, instantly jams about 130K. I've seen him do funky things with marginal hands postflop but pre I think he is quite nitty, especially in a spot like this where we're only 3 or 4 from the final table where the payjumps begin to get steep. Against other villains I don't mind this call off but against him it probably has to be a fold. He had AK and I was down to 200K but kept my head on straight and got right back into ladder mode at the final table. Two people busted really quickly, then 7th went out, then 2 of the most aggro players on the NJ sites ran AK into JJ vs each other bvb and the bigger stack won, getting me to the final 5 with 10BBs. I jammed with A4o from CO and the BB called with Q7s(??) and hit a 7 to bust me 5th of 174 for $805.89. With $3600 up top you really want to make those count when you get close, but I think I should feel very fortunate to have laddered as much as I did; the short stacks really did not run well at the final table and I was the main benefactor of that.

Final Tallies for Yesterday

With a small loss in SNGs, the final total tallies ended up at $618.60 in buy ins and $1664.61 in returns for a profit of $1046.01.

Probably going to end up playing online today and tomorrow while taking Saturday off before grinding a full session Sunday. Monday I will head to AC, register for the first BPO tourney (which starts Tuesday), check into my hotel, and maybe play some live cash at Borgata. I'll also try to figure out if the internet works at all in the hotel where I'm staying to see if I can put in an online session one of those nights if I feel like it. I sold out the package yesterday and I'm really excited to get started with those live tourneys. It's a great feeling to be rolled for them since a loss won't crush you but one really good run can really help financially, much more than any good run online. I think the big one is just around the corner if I keep putting the work in and staying mentally sharp!

Yesterday's Results

Played a lot of games yesterday--29 sit n gos and 12 MTTs. Cashed 14 of the sit n gos (which include 2 or 3 hyper heads ups) for $73 profit and 8.4% ROI. Didn't get much going in the MTTs and decided that since I could really sleep in today, I'd play some of the nightly tourneys that I usually skip because they run so late. Even though I don't have a specific time I need to wake up in the morning, I don't like to go to bed at 5AM and wake up at noon. It makes me feel like less of a person. The idea of playing until 2:30 in the morning in the $10r, $5K guarantee that starts at 9PM on WSOP only to bubble the final table for less than $100 just isn't very appealing to me.

So I played the 5K and bubbled the final table for $88.73, busting around 2:30. Serves me right!

Lost $344 yesterday overall on $1500ish in buy ins for -22.68% ROI. No worries, just gonna have losing days sometimes. It's funny that during the downswing I wouldn't think twice about a day like this, but when I'm running average/good I feel like I did something wrong or should have focused harder or must have played bad. In reality, I'm sure I made mistakes like I do every session, but there are simply some days where you are not going to win. I played 2 separate $100 6 man sngs yesterday, coming 2nd in one and 3rd in the other (top 2 pay). In both I lost a flip to bust. In both it was to the same regular (bballwiz, who seems to be in EVERY sng that runs in New Jersey), in both it was my overs to his pair, in both I flopped top pair only to lose to a turned or rivered set. 1st pays $358 and 2nd pays $193 in those, so if I won both I would have made an additional $500 yesterday and profited. Should I have played better in those flips after the money went in? After playing as much as I have in the last few months I'm really starting to understand how insignificant one day's results really is. I always "knew" this concept, but I think now I am truly understanding it.

Today's Results

I'm going to my girlfriend's house tonight and am probably leaving in about an hour so I probably am done with poker for the day but might sneak a tiny bit in before I go. We're running a 5K in her town tomorrow which should be interesting; I haven't been running as much as I was when I first started back up, due to an injury in my right foot, which went away the last couple days and was replaced with a pain in my Achilles tendon on my left leg. I hope I wasn't overcompensating on the left side to make up for the pain in my right foot, but my brother, a much better runner than me, said he had this pain before and while it hurts like hell it won't leave any serious damage. I'm taking his word for it and am just going to rip my run tomorrow!

I played a $30 MTT this morning in which I was down to 400 from 4000 SS after losing a flip, ran it back up to 20K before losing a flip with 8 left for CL to bust. 6 paid. Grr. Played 3 $50 heads up hypers vs the same guy on Party and won 2 of them for $42 in profit and then made about $180 5 tabling $100NL for an hour. Turned the Kd vs UTG opener and c-bettor on Ad5d4h flop with my QJdd; he had 97dd and I got a pretty big double. Also let a spaz bluff off his stack in a spot I often raise for no reason; he opens, I 3b AA, short stack flats (lol), he flats, flop 953 he bets 6.50 into like 27. Shorty has $13.10 so I think this guy's plan is to isolate if I flat and shorty shoves? Which is why he bet <half the shorty's stack? So I flat and shorty obv folds after putting 9 of his 22 in pre. Fine. Turn 7d putting 2 diamonds on board he bets 28 into 39. I often raise here, hoping to get stacks in now. However, against an aggressive opponent like this I think it's best to flat. If he's bluffing I allow him to continue to do so on river. If he has better than me then I guess he just gets my stack. River is an uncomfortable 9 (95379 now with flush missing) and he jams which I guess was around 85 effective into 95. I call and beat his KJdd.

Ask Me Questions!!!

I like blogging guys but I think I like interacting with people even more! If you have any questions for me please let me know! Worst case scenario I'll tell you if it's too personal to answer, but I'm pretty open and will probably be able to answer everything. If you're curious about what the player pools are like in New Jersey, or what I think my odds realistically are to be a professional poker player in 5 years, or how many toenails I've lost from running, or just how trashy I expect the hotel I booked for next week in the town over from Atlantic City to be, or anything else, just ask! My favorite part of this thread was interacting with people asking questions or adding comments and it's been a while since I got any of those.

Also if you can think of anything I should add to this or cut out of this thread to make it more interesting I'd love to hear ideas! I'm open for anything. Thanks guys!

Yesterday's 5K

No I'm not talking about a poker tournament you degens. I ran the Dumont 5K yesterday with my girlfriend and the race attracted 429 runners! Since I've been dealing with minor injuries I decided that breaking 19:00 would be an excellent time and anything else might still be good depending on how hard the course was. I ran 19:08 and I think it was one of the best/smartest races I've ever ran, despite the fact that it is almost 3 minutes slower than my fastest 5K ever. Two reasons I was thrilled:

1) I was never passed. That might be the only time in a 5K that has ever happened. I started quite a few rows deep on the starting line so I could keep talking to my girlfriend, to the point that I didn't start actually running until 5 seconds after the horn went off since there were so many people in front of me. I slowly snaked my way through dozens of adults and children. The beginning of a road race is incredible; there are always an unbelievable amount of people who decide that sprinting is the way to go to start this 3.1 mile race. For some very seasoned athletes sprinting early is a good way to go, but for people are not breaking 20 minutes it is a good way to give yourself a little taste of hell around the 2.5 mile mark. I'm tired of feeling that way at the end of races, so I've been much smarter lately, consciously taking a little bit off of my 1st mile so that the 2nd and 3rd can still be pushed. After about a half mile I'd passed everyone who had been sprinting way faster than they should have been, but there were still more people who had simply gone out faster than they should have in front of me: the guys who can run 6:30-6:45 pace but really want that 1st mile to be 6 flat for some reason. I passed about all of those people at the mile mark and looked up to see a huge gap. The rest of the race would be about maintaining (or picking up) the pace and MAYBE catching one or two more guys who start hurting at the end. On the uphill at the 2.5 mile mark I flew past one last kid before being totally on my own for the last quarter mile, which was on a track.

2) My pacing was unbelievable. I've just become a much much smarter racer than I was younger. The times are slower right now but as I train more and more I will run faster but now I will feel relaxed and in control as I run those fast time. In high school and college it was often an extremely painful grind through the last 2 miles; I hope now to be in control the whole way. My splits for this 5K ended up being 6:11.7, 6:08.7, 6:13.0, and a 35.4 second final tenth of a mile. The third mile was the only one with any serious sort of uphill, so I really think it would have been faster than the other two if the terrain was the same. This is by far the most consistent race I've ever ran. For me, 5Ks often start very fast, get way slower on the 2nd mile, and maybe I run a couple seconds faster on the 3rd mile. When every mile is within 5 seconds of the others I think I really might be getting in shape.

Here's a pic of my finish, along with a screenshot of the results for the top finishers:





Today's Run

Ran 7 miles today, the most I've done since River to Sea if we count that given I started walking at 6 miles during that run. I think I'll call this my longest RUN since I started training again, and according to my Garmin Watch data it's the longest run I've done since the first week of August...in 2013!! That week I apparently ran 7 miles+ 4 times with the fastest and longest being an 8 miler at 7:14 pace. If I know how I was back then I was probably trying to run these as fast as I could. Today I started easy with the only goal being to finish, and by the time I was done my overall pace was 7:13/mile! The trend of splitting negative continued as I ran 7:35, 7:18, 7:11, 7:06, 7:09, 7:03, 7:01 for a total of 50:27. The more I crank out runs like these the more confident I will be in myself and the better shape I'll be in. If I actually want to start running fast 5Ks again (sub 18 and beyond) I'll have to start putting some serious distances in again, AKA 50+ miles per week. For now though I'll just stick with doing what feels comfortable and very slowly upping the mileage each week.

Ok Back to Poker

Don't think I've played at all since the last update and today is Sunday so it's go time! I decided to skip the early stuff (each site has a $50 MTT at 2PM but I just felt too tired) and I'll be late registering the majors. WSOP $200 at 4PM and Party $200 at 5PM; late reg open til 6:30 for WSOP and much later for Party so I think I'll start around 6PM. Updates on the sng leaderboards as of 11PM last night have me in 6th in the high and 10th in the mid despite not playing at all in 2 days. NJ <3. Hoping for some good results today to funnel into the start of the Borgata Poker Open (just 2 days away!!) but the obvious main goal will be to just play every spot well! Good luck today to anyone putting in the Sunday grind.

What borgata event will you be playing?

Sold out this package: http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/18...ckage-1556816/

So we got events 1, 4, 14, and 16, with 4 bullets in event 1 and 2 in event 16. If I make a deep run in day 2 of event 14 then I'll skip 16. But yeah got a hotel for mon-fri this week so will be there all week! Are you playing any BPO events moose?

I'd like to play the 2 100k Saturday series events. About all I have time for.

Nice well gl if you get to play them! Like I said if I bust the 6 max 1K next Friday I'll be playing that Saturday Series, maybe see you there!

Good luck to you as well. I'll keep you posted! For you sake, let's hope you skip the 100k!

Venting

I'm just super fed up with the Sunday majors in NJ they're beyond soft with great structure so I just wait for the nuts get it in and bubble lol gahhhhhhhhhh. Busted very quickly from the WSOP major for like the 4th straight week, just the standard stuff of 88 having 2 outs, and now just busted 8 from the money of the Party major after just flopping the blade.

28K to start hand at 1200BB I open EP with JJ guy with really bad sizings but good numbers (23/19/7 or something) 3b's to 4800 from button. Really small. I flat probably going with it on good flops and giving up when overcards hit (and decided if 1 overcard hits or whatever) and the flop comes J64hh I check he pots it. You have to know I'm not winning this hand when the dude pots it. I think that's what tilts me super hard; when they have no clue and KO me anyway. I've seen guys do this and then inexplicably find a fold when I shove. He's betting 11760 into 11760 and I have 24K going to the flop. I flat turn is 9x I check he jams and the ****ing Party Poker software is beyond tilting that the second I hit call he has all the chips. He had AKhh and river was non-9 heart. See yaaaaaa.

I've got a $109 running now with 2.5x SS and that's it; not sure if I really have the heart to play any more tourneys with how irritated I am. I know I need to get over this but the 5 figure score has eluded me for a good 5 years now and I just want to see it happen instead of these 8 outters taking tons of equity from me. Last week I lost massive stack in same tourney 6 from money because I open QQ and guy jams 40 bigs! Am I just supposed to fold there?? It's infuriating. But at the same time it's not the same type of infuriating as when my mindset was worse; I don't wanna throw stuff or yell I'm just more sad than anything. Obviously life is good so I'm probably just being selfish right now but I really want to start winning tourneys and expanding my "business" here; playing more live events and possibly starting to play higher stakes cash. I feel like I have a lot of ambition and every time this happens it's a step backwards. I know this is the wrong mindset and it's not the mindset I normally have. It's just when I feel tilted like this that these feelings come out. I guess it's a good thing to document given what one of the goals of this blog was from the beginning: to show the highs AND lows of playing poker professionally. I'm just very frustrated right now!!

Spun the $109 up to 5 SS'ss so decided to rip a few more tourneys. Lost a weird one to go down to 3.5 SS's then get KK in vs AK and flop comes QJT. Pretty sure that was CL pot. This game is pretty brutal sometimes. Stuck with all these small tourneys now god so miserable

1/67 and 1/18 now in the last 2 MTTs I have going, obviously been running very good. Going to vow to not whine no matter how these end; as I've said before that's really bad for the mental to be doing that so gonna be positive regardless. $3800 and $1500 up top in each respectively.

Note: The following was all written in a Microsoft Word document while playing which is why there are a bunch of sporadic updates.

AK<QQ vs the only guy left who had even ¼ of my stack. Pot was for 47% of chips in play with 7 left. Left me 2/7 with <1/3 his stack. This is the tourney with $1500 up top…I ran like god in this one and then dominated and just get coolered for it all. Still have to grind though still in a good spot but the tourney is over with 6 left if I win there. Now 66<TT shortly after to lose more. I’m grinding hard though which is good to see that I can keep going even after very frustrating circumstances; it’s easy to just give up when you’re playing 50K after having over 200 the entire final table (and then losing a flip to get to like 350), but there’s too much money to be lost by punting to think that way if you’re gonna be a pro. We’ve lost 3 players now and are down to 4, I am in 3rd and will continue to attempt to ladder! 2nd just found a way to get 50 of his 90K in the middle and then fold so I’m now in 2nd with 60K while 1st has 390K. Definitely playing for 2nd here lol.

WOW KK>AA button vs CO for heaps in the other tourney now 1/39 with 30 paying and $3800 up top. He opened CO I 3b button and he 4b with a 90% fold to 3b stat (and the one time he didn’t fold he called). I got that feeling of set up doom but don’t think there’s much to be done with kings 40BBs deep button vs CO other than make a flush. 45K now at 400BB (the pot was for 32K so woulda had chips if I lost but obviously that’s huge). I’ll keep updating like this until the other tourney is over (or maybe until I’m in the money of this one) and then I’ll post final results in separate post.
A guy just doubled 99 to 66 (lol) 4 handed to we’re back to 4/4 with 10BBs in the MTT with $1500 up top. QQ<JJ in the bigger one for some payback on my KK>AA. He opened I 3b he used almost his entire time bank and then called and it came J high lol. Down to 33K.

A9<J6s to bust 4th. Pot woulda put me back to 2nd place. Ran like god throughout until that flip and then battled to get from 7 to 4 and it didn’t go my way. That’s poker, 4th for $432. I’m down $208.40 on the day now with this last tournament running. I’m currently 3/35 with 30 paying and the mincash being $130.01. Somehow the worst place I can finish to get $208 is 9th, which pays $242, so I’ll need to final table this to have a profitable day. Obviously the goal is to win. This tourney has 15 minute blinds and doesn’t skip any levels so it will be a grind if I go deep. I've got 40K at 250/500. I’ll update all of this either tonight or tomorrow with results.

Edit: Gonna fire whatever sng's go off at this hour (a $50 6 man just started) so forget the daily numbers they'll be changing.

Ran KK into AA again, this time for 25K each, did not win this time. 3b shoved AJ for 19BBs over an open and a call. I think the worst thing about NJ is when you get called here they just have it every. single. time. And I miss the days where I didn't see AA and AK every ****ing time the chips go in. And I think the fish (have had him labeled as fish for over a year now and play with him all the time) who says "nh way to go buddy you held on" and just has to give input after ****ing AA vs KK to the guy who coolers the **** out of me is what really gets me steamed enough to send the mouse flying. Gonna have to pick up a new one before going to AC tomorrow.

I've broken more mice than I have fingers lol

Hahaha I probably have too. It appears this one did not break, but it's my backup one since I broke my good one a couple weeks ago. Should probably get a new one soon anyway.

I want to keep this thread clear of my pointless ramblings about bad luck and will make a concentrated effort to do that in the future.

For now I'm gonna go to bed and get ready to head to AC tomorrow! Plan is to get to little hotel at 3:00 and check in, maybe try to figure out the internet situation, and then head to Borgata to register for the tournament which starts Tuesday at 11. I also want to start grinding cash there to get some room comps; I've been told they're really generous with their room comps to poker players but it seems like you have to have some really consistent CASH GAME play to cash in on any of that. I think my roll can handle live 2/5, especially now that I'm not scared money like I think I might have been when I first started. Excited for tomorrow!

Just book my room for Saturday night, there is a tournament rate of $255. Just let them know over the phone.

Yeah I booked a room for Monday-Friday in Absecon for $128 total lol. It's obviously not great and I'm struggling right now with the internet so can't put in a great session but it's a roof over my head and a place to sleep. It also has a lot of channels on TV and an air conditioner so how can I complain!!

Played some 2/5 today and flopped 3 sets in the first 2 hours. It was a great table to get paid on but only got paid on one of them; c/r'ed 66 in a limp pot on Q62hh and got a shove from guy who only had like 150. I told him I had a set, turn was a 6 and I told him I had quads lol. He had QJ so we were way ahead anyway.

Played a really weird one where I opened CO to 20 and button flatted who was clearly a reg (told me he plays once a week) and had like 2K in front of him when I sat down. He played alright but I thought he entered too many pots and possibly splashed around a little bit too much. He was definitely one of the better players at the table though. The flop came T94dd and I checked. A very weird non standard spot that is probably bad, but I'd c-bet probably 7 out of 8 times I'd opened before and I was worried he was the type of villain who would put in a big raise with a wide range and I'd be guessing throughout the hand. Interested in what others think. Anyway I check and he bets very large, I think it was 45 into 47 and I call. The turn is Ax I check and he bets 125 into 137 (I feel like these numbers are off, maybe BB flatted pre and c/f'ed flop? In any case he bet around pot twice). I thought about being a hero here but decided to swallow the ego. We'd been friendly and I said something like "have a feeling I'm folding the winner here but I have no balls so nice hand" hoping he might show me, and sure enough he did: AA! Wow. My thought on turn was he might check back some draws since the Ax hits some of my sticky AK AQ AJ c/c range on flop, but it might also be a good card to bluff if he puts me on a sticky 55-88 type of hand. One thing is for sure: I never put AA in his range and had I played the hand differently I probably would have lost more. This does not mean I played it well. It does mean that I think I was fortunate in this spot not to lose more.

Eventually cashed out $830 for a $330 profit and got dinner at the food court before making the drive back to the hotel I'm at now. I'm one tabling the 30r ($10K guar) on WSOP now; wanted to put a little session in but after being optimistic about the wifi earlier in the day, it is clear that it is not good at all now. I'm lucky I only signed up for this before realizing it was really spotty. I'm actually playing the tourney on my phone now because it's working better than using the internet on my laptop. In for 3 units ($84.60) which got me 16K since I regged right as late reg closed and add on was applied. Was down to 10K then doubled A7>AK and won a couple pots so at 25K now at 1200BB. Really just hoping I get to play it out without losing connection.

I registered for day 1A of the $560 2M guarantee today--no line! Tomorrow people will be lined up for a half hour waiting to buy in so I'm glad I got to do that. Starts at 11AM tomorrow so good luck to me and anyone else playing!!

BPO Event 1

So BPO Event 1 $500+$60 buy in $2,000,000 guaranteed prize pool 4 starting flights. Sold for 4 bullets as part of my package.

Bullet 1

Did not get much going on this one. 20K starting stack and 30 minute levels. Slated to play 16 levels and then end day 1; level 16 is 2000/4000 with a 500 chip ante. The very interesting hand came when I folded AA to an 18K shove into an 11K pot on a K74cc3x6x board vs a capable opponent. I think the hand is interesting enough to warrant some discussion but I'm too tired right now to give it justice with my thoughts on each street so I'll just give the basic details. Villain is younger Asian kid and seems capable. He open limps button at 300BB I make it 1100 from BB with AcAd he flats flop K74cc I bet he calls turn 3x I c/c 60% pot bet river 6x I check he shoves 18K into 11K. I took about 3 minutes before folding which I almost never do live. Might give more reads and all that later on.

Grinded very hard after that, all the way down to 7K before getting a double+ with AA vs JJ to get back to like 16K. Eventually went A6<77 for the rest of it.

Bullet 2

After playing from 11AM-4:30ish in flight A I fired up flight B on time at 6:00. Was down to 6K after I open to 700 from CO with QQ, button flats, SB shoves 13K lol. He has AK and wins. I later get AT all in vs 77 (held by Jordan Allen coincidentally enough, the Scottish kid who final tabled the Players Series with me who I thought was very solid) and win to double to 13K, then get AK in vs 88 and win again to get to 25K, then get heroed for all my chips while I held the virtual nuts to get to 50K. I then moved tables and open to 2800 with AKs from EP at 1200BB. Older guy with cut off shirt and steroid muscles who has been telling dirty jokes the whole time shoves 30K from MP. I call he has AQ and the turn is a Q. Pain. I still just sit there and grind my remaining 15K, getting some shoves through and not just punting. I eventually get to 3b jam KQs from BB with 16K at 2K BB and kid on the button who's been opening every hand gives a mini speech and calls after 10 seconds with...A9s. Cool brah. He holds and I now drive back to my hotel in Absecon at 1 in the morning, only after registering for the 10AM flight for the next day though.

Bullet 3

I arrive today on time again and have a pretty good starting table. I win a pretty big pot at showdown with ace high (3b AQs from SB guy calls CO, calls a small bet on T high flop and we check it down. Nice of him to just let me win). Later bet close to pot on QT94J with AK and get another call. I eventually get moved tables with about 50K and am forced to just kinda grind again. It's hard trying to find the balance between wanting to chip up as quickly as possible but also not wanting to punt in a tournament with such a soft field. I whittle down to 40K in the last level, watching every pot get contested and 3x'ed and just wanting to find a hand to get that double. A great spot arises when button shoves 40K and I find ATo in the SB and put my chips in; he shows A5 and the KJKJ9 run out has us chopping the pot. I bag 44K and will be coming back to 2500/5000 tomorrow needing some run good. 40 minute levels but obviously will need a double fast to be able to take advantage of the slightly slower blind levels tomorrow.

Some General Mindset Notes

There was something amazing that I felt happened to me that was very encouraging throughout this opening event. There was never a point where I had a fear of having to play again or I was worried about not bagging or anything like that. It's probably a weird fear to have but I think in the back of my mind I was always a bit worried about losing my chips "irresponsibly" or something when I played live; I'd almost feel "guilty" about losing. Losing would mean I'd wasted my time, my money, and spent a lot of effort on something that ultimately didn't do anything for me. But now that I've officially decided to try this for a living, this is just the grind! I'm "supposed" to be here and losing is just part of it all sometimes. Spending all this time playing is just my job now, it's not wasted time. Spending money on these is just part of the job, it's not a waste if it doesn't work out. It was a very freeing and liberating feeling. I think sometimes pros are too eager to play a lot of bullets in an effort to bag a lot. I'm definitely not there and I don't want to be there; I enjoyed grinding hard even if it took a lot of effort and patience when I got short stacked. But I also have gone a little bit away from the super nitty side of the spectrum; I'm not afraid to go with a read if I feel it is best in a given scenario.

I guess the best way to sum up my experience with these day 1 bullets of event 1 is to say that the whole thing just felt right.

I have also now locked up a small refund for investors! Let's see if we can spin this up tomorrow now!!

Go get em! How were the lines in the morning?

I actually managed to reg all 3 bullets at non rush hour times so not bad at all for me. For others though they were quite long lol

Oh boy. Lol. Heading down Saturday morning.... Keep my fingers crossed