Swe3eeeeet!!! GL @ PARX.

Thanks man. Didn't turn out well unfortunately but I did at least enjoy my time there today

A Very Frustrating Series

So I fired once yesterday and once today in the Parx $1100 and neither got any traction. Live poker can just be so frustrating and I always want to succeed even more when people have invested in me. It's partly because it's just more fun to share your success with others, and partly because I want to prove I am a worthy horse in case I want to sell for bigger tournaments in the future. I think I was putting too much pressure on myself and today I went in with a better attitude. Side note: shoutout to "zendout", who sent me a really polite and professional PM letting me know he thought I was being too negative with my tweets. He was 100% right and I realized I have not been as positive with my mindset as of late. As I've said in this thread previously, mindset is so huge and it's the one thing that you really should be able to control regardless of how good or bad you're running. During this most recent downswing I think my mindset very slowly and almost noticeably got worse and worse, to the point that I did not even realize it. I'm glad you sent me that PM zendout it gave me a reminder I really needed to hear.

So yesterday's bullet was just all around bad and I think what gets me so frustrated is I'm not sure if it was just bad luck or if I was playing poorly. I'm sure it was a combo of both. It was also certainly partly attributable to having 3 top name (imo anyway) pros at my table, with Matt Glantz 2 to my left, Aaron Mermelstein on his left, and Kyle Bowker 3 to my right. Add Norm Michalek on my direct right and it wasn't the most favorable table draw. I think I made a mistake against Glantz because I felt like I needed to make something happen and the thought of c/f'ing the flop made me feel sick, but in reality it was probably the best line. I open AKo from EP, Glantz 3b's me and I decide to 4b to around 7K. He gives me a look and then flats; we're about 40K deep at this point. I've played with him on a couple of other day 1s in these tourneys and I imagine he perceives me as a pretty tight nit. By 4 betting I'm pretty much just announcing I'm nutted, which I don't think is the worst thing since 7K represents roughly 17% of my stack, but I need to actually be nutted or light in these spots! I now have AK in a 4b pot, out of position against a guy who plays 100K high rollers and has unlimited bullets in the chamber for this tourney. I should flat the 3b, disguising my hand at least a little bit, and play pretty straightforward on the flop. The flop comes T73 and I put out a small c-bet. At this point I don't mind c/f'ing, or even c-betting bigger to appear to be committed to this pot so it's less likely I get floated or bluffed by AQ types of hands. He calls and I c/f the brick turn after he shoves. I think I really just botched the hand and let the fact that I felt like I was getting "ran over" (Bowker had 3b me in back to back hands and won each time, Mermelstein c/c'ed 2 streets vs me with bottom pair to win, etc) get to me and make me think I needed to fight back more than I really needed to.

Today definitely went better than yesterday but ended with the same result. I felt more positive and went in with the attitude that I needed to lighten up and enjoy these tourneys more. I think I was taking myself too seriously and stopping myself from having fun, which in turn made me play worse. I made my 1st ever live royal flush today and even somehow got a river bet on QsQcTsAcTc with my KJcc. Villain thought for a while and I was just praying he had a queen (he limped pre so it was really unlikely he had quads). He ended up calling and flashing 87cc. My table draw was much better today...I only knew Jacob Neff and Greg Himmelbrand (who won the $550 last week and was the villain in the QQ vs 86 on 863 hand I described last week). I had my stack near 60K pretty early and then the deck went cold again. I decided not to try to get creative this time and to just wait for my spots. It was easier to say that to myself today when the table wasn't half very good very capable players.

The mark at the table limps 600 from EP and I raise to 1800 with KK. He has a little over 40K to start the hand. Guy on my left calls and so does the limper.

Flop (7200): QJ5r. EP checks, I bet 3200, 1 fold, EP calls.

Turn (14800) QJ5 4. EP checks, I bet 7000, EP calls. I sometimes check back here but every time I've let opponents realize equity this series, they've done it. I think my opponent is going to give me value from his Qx hands, and I want to get value/fold out KT/T9 sorts of hands. 55 seems to be his only set, and I don't think it's crazy to put him on AQ KQ AJ or KJ. All of the Kx hands are less likely though since I have KK.

River (28800). I look at villain as the river comes out to see if he does anything obvious and to not give away whether I like the card or not. He slowly stacks up all of his chips and jams for 30K. I look back at the river to see the ace of spades. This is probably the best summary of this series for me. I think I played this hand about as straight forwardly as one can and I now have to either hero call or concede this pot. I eventually fold and am down to a little over 30K

I was talking to the lady on my right for a bit about online poker and what needs to happen for it to grow...I try not to start these convos but if someone else starts them then I'll join in. It seemed like she played a lot live and felt comfortable at the table. She opens the CO to 2100 at 800BB and I decide to 3b the button to 5200 with Q8hh. This was literally my first 3b of the day, about 5 hours in. I'd been playing really straightforward and decided she would often be light here (she'd been a bit splashy in a few previous hands) and I would get enough folds to merit the 3b. I think my hand has enough equity as well postflop and I felt confident I'd make good decisions against her postflop if she decided to call, which she did. I now have about 25K behind.

Flop (13400) AhKh8c. It's about the best flop I could have hoped for. She checks and I continue for 6000, setting up a turn shove of about 3/4 pot if she calls, which she again does.

Turn (25400) AhKh8c 4d. She checks and I think my shove is pretty clear cut. She does the thing where she goes to grab her chips right as I'm grabbing mine, which makes me even more confident about the shove. Sure enough, she takes her hand off and sighs as mine cross the line. She tanks for a bit and says "I really think you have JJ" and then commits the chips before turning over A7ss. The river is the 7d and I am out. Based on what I imagine she perceived my range to be, the call seems pretty bizarre, but it's tough to flop top pair and she was right so who am I to say anything about that. I'm back over 60K if I bink the river but I didn't so I'm home writing this.

I hate bricking packages. I really hate not even giving investors a sweat. I think I feel too much guilt when I get backing and do not show a profit because I feel like people put their trust in me and I let them down. It might be something I'll need to work on in the future, since obviously everyone knows any investment has its risks. Still, I really want to succeed when others have put their faith in me, so it stings a little extra when things don't work out. If you invested in this package and are reading this, I really appreciate it and am sorry it didn't turn out any better.

As far as my overall mindset goes I still feel positive but think I am going to be taking a break from live tourneys for a while. I might still play the smaller ones but am going to pick and choose what I play in each series. This Parx series went so badly that I think I'm just going to have a bad taste in my mouth for a while. I played 2 bullets in each of the 3 events. Only 2 of them made dinner and both were below starting stack. That is pretty awful. Runbad was certainly a part of it but I'm sure I was playing suboptimally for it to go that poorly. I just need to make sure I work harder and possibly even start talking strategy with some guys who play more live than online. They really are different beasts and while I still think I have the tools for success live, online is going to be my main focus for a while. I need to continue to slowly and steadily build my roll, instead of trying to just bink something live and get it all at once. That would be nice but it takes a big investment, both in time and money, to really get yourself to the top of the live tourney game. Even after selling 50% with markup for the 2 bullets of the 550 and 2 bullets of the 1200, I ended up (including the 2 x $330 bullets) losing over $2000 in Parx tournaments this series. While I know that won't be the norm in the future, it's just not something I want to go through again while my bankroll is only around 25K.

Online Last Night

Frustrating, but simultaneously encouraging tournaments last night, of which I only played 3. Busted the WSOP 10K in standard fashion and then went pretty deep in both the $109 10K and $55 5K on Party. With 98 players in the 10K I had the chip lead for a good chunk of it. I had a chance to eclipse 100K when I got AA in vs TT and 77 but a 7 on the turn gave the short stack the 30K main pot. I faded the 10s though so still got the 90K side pot. I chipped down after that, losing some flips vs shorties and having to deal with an aggressive opponent on my direct left who had chips, who actually introduced himself to me at Parx today which was pretty cool. With 11 left I jammed 50K over a button open at 2500BB. I had AQ, he had AK, cool story, I bubble in 11th with only 9 paying. Yep, 9 out of 98. It seems a little wild to only pay 9 but maybe that's standard these days. I checked the lobby and see that someone simultaneously busted 10th at the other table so the remaining players had locked up $240 with 3K to play for up top. Frustrating, but didn't feel doomswitched which was nice.

The 5K had 100 players and paid 12, which makes me think 100 is the magic number to pay more spots. With 6 left I had about 45K. 1st had around 100K, 2nd had 50K, I was 3rd, and the other 3 were still in okay shape with the BB at 1800. The chip leader typed in the chat box that he wanted to make a deal because he was tired, and someone else had also checked the deal box. CL had started playing borderline recklessly but never seemed SUPER out of line. At one point he jammed like 35BBs eff from the HJ with AK for example. He opens UTG and I 3b on the large size to around 10.5K with QQ in the BB. He flats and the flop comes AJ4. I check and he goes all in for effectively double the pot. I think he's jamming AK, AQ, AJ, AA, and JJ pre. I don't think he's just ripping big value hands like AJ or 44 here. Everything else I beat! So I decide after a while to call. He has KJ and the turn is a jack and I am out in 6th.

Going Forward

I think I will put an online session in again tonight, and tomorrow will be a fun Sunday with the GSSS running. Hopefully I can scrap together my first cash of that series this weekend. I think I will feel less pressure playing all on my own dime again in the future. While many other players I know seem to feel less stress when backed, since "hey, it's not my own money," I seem to put more pressure on myself. I will most likely get some sort of mental coaching before the next time I try to sell an entire package. I'm glad I did it because if I'm going to play professionally and try to play tourneys live, I will have to do it again. It was good to get that experience. But with how badly I seemed to do this series I wonder if that pressure I put on myself affected how I played. I don't feel like it did, but there's certainly a possibility, and I want to make sure my mind is right before trying this again. Good things are coming for me, but the big live tourney bink is going to have to wait.

Staying Positive

Not gonna call today a bad day because I think I can take away a few good things from it. First I'll just get the results out of the way for background. The results themselves weren't great. I played 10 MTTs and 2 satellites Busted both satties and made a little run in the 50r 6 max GSSS event before mincashing for $253.20 (21st/180). Had heaps in a $55 GSSS event after I minned button with KK, SB flatted, BB jammed 35BBs and I called and got there vs AA!! lol the more I play the more I realize that the logic of "they wouldn't put so many chips in with a nutted hand because they want to get paid" just doesn't hold today. There are just some people who "want to end the hand now." It all went south after that, and I busted before the money. I late regged 2 $55 MTTs on 888 to end my session and was able to cash the last one for $405 to make the day less of a disaster. Ended up at $1300 in buy ins and about $650 in returns for a $650 loss.

Anyway, enough of that, what I was happy about today is that I stayed positive and went back to my roots. With the GSSS going on it seems like people are back to playing pretty crazy in the early stages of tournaments. I decided today that I was going to go back to playing really TAG and not splashing around at all early on. If that meant I had starting stack and 10BBs later in the tourney, that was okay. But I feel like I've been trying to make too much happen recently, so I buckled down today. For the most part I think it actually worked well, but variance is still gonna be there. I jammed 16BBs from the SB with A7o against an aggro opponent in BB (vs some NJ players I might even r/f there because they just won't 3b shove unless they have it) and he called with AQ to bust me about 15 shy of the money in the $200 30K on WSOP. Later a solid reg jammed 16BBs from the SB with 21 left in a $100 MTT on WSOP paying 9 with $1700 up top. He had A7, I had AK, but he hit a 7 and I was out! Pretty annoying to lose in both of those spots, but again it's out of my control and everyone took a standard and fine line in each hand so there's no reason to be upset by it, it's just very standard variance.

Throughout my session today I don't think there was one time where I wanted to throw anything or scream or any of that crap. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some lunatic who's losing his mind over every bad beat. But I often do get fed up to the point of outrage once every few hours, which often constitutes about once a session. That's why I've said in the past, I don't think my mindset is awful, but it does have to improve. Today, even though I was frustrated quite a few times, I felt way more relaxed and at ease. The worst thing I think I did was type in the chat box that "I almost expect to lose at this point" after the AK<A7 hand, partly because I'm friendly with the kid who beat me and I just wanted to vent to someone. I'd rather I not even do that, but if that's the worst thing I'm doing then I can live with that.

I feel like I am in a good place right now. I have sort of got the whole professional ball rolling and now need to just execute the plan. Five days of poker per week, give or take, keep playing well regardless of results, study whenever possible, and HAVE FUN! It's corny but why else would I do this for a living? It's a lot of fun and let's me really feel free. As much as I loved teaching I was forced to a specific schedule with no flexibility. If I do have to do that down the line it really wouldn't bother me. It definitely serves society better and might even make me feel like more of a real person. But I just feel really happy right now being free to do what I want, when I want, and I feel really privileged to have the brain that I do that allows me to be intelligent enough to make consistent money at this game. I think there are some great poker players out there that have great instincts but play poker because it's their only option. They aren't intelligent enough to do something else. I don't mean this to come off as pompous but I really do thank God for giving me my brain and my living situation that not only allows me to make a living but allows me to CHOOSE specifically what it is I want to do! Not many people have multiple options and I really do see how lucky I am to have that.

I've got money set aside now for spending for the next 3 months or so, I've paid off 3 quarters of taxes, and my BR is floating right around 25K. I do worry that getting an apartment with my friends isn't going to happen by December because I won't feel solid enough financially by then to add in that extra cost, but if it's meant to be then it will happen. I've decided to stop worrying about the deadline because I think I was putting added pressure on myself. Without all of those extra pressures, it's now just me and a BR that I won't need to rely on for outside funds for several months. Several thousand dollar downswings shouldn't affect me at all now. Hopefully though I'll just see a nice little upswing in the next few months that allows me to move on to bigger things

A Strange End to a Strange Session

Think I'm in desperate need of a mental coach or professional confidence booster or psychiatrist or SOMETHING. I was really happy with how I played my entire session today. I felt like I wasn't trying to make too much happen and I was letting the game come to me more than I usually do, playing my nitty style while occasionally throwing in a light 3b or 4b or whatever if I thought someone was trying to exploit it. I was really happy with how I was reacting to every run out, just focusing on the decisions and really not even flinching regardless of result. I made it to the final 11 of the 2nd GSSS event, which was essentially a $109 super turbo (3 min levels for 10 levels or something, 5 minute levels for a while, then we were at 10 min levels when we got to final 2 tables). I lost a flip with 11 left for a pretty good stack to bust and just really shrugged it off and it didn't bother me at all. It was a good feeling.

I then finished off a 10r in style, finishing 1/79 for over $500. The only game that was left was the 1st GSSS event, which we were ITM of already. It was a standard $109 but had 210 entrants which was nice, much bigger than the normal dailies. I played pretty well early on and then went on a heater I have not experienced in a long time. JJ>KK for a lot with a guy I had just 3b the hand before and who had very aggro numbers. He seemed shocked in the chat that I'd get it in with as "light" as JJ (I think it was 30BBs each and as I said, we had history). So that gave me the chip lead and I stuck pretty close to that stack until the final table. I think I navigated ICM pretty well given the FT bubble had 3 stacks under 5BBs for a while that just would not bust, and I had about 15-20BBs the whole time. It helped that the 3 big stacks were at the other table and I think I was actually in 2nd at my table with my stack.

I don't think a whole lot went down at the final table for me until 5 left. I went AT>66, KJ>AK, and TT>JJ, all for my tourney life. I can't remember ever running that good that deep in a meaningful tourney. The TT>JJ was me 4b shoving vs the very aggro chip leader, which in turn gave me the chip lead. For the rest of the tourney I felt like I played with a cloud over my head. I triple barreled with Q high against the aggro guy and he snapped off with a decent hand that was definitely just a bluff catcher at that point. The aggro guy borders on spewy so he probably was not the right guy to try that against. That gave a ton of my stack away and I eventually busted 4th. I feel like I really wasted an opportunity, and that feeling of dread that seemed to wash over me whenever I started losing chips in the Parx tournament came right back after that bluff. I told myself to just lock down and continue to try to play well, but I did not feel right. I really don't know why I get like this. I definitely don't start playing awfully, but I have no idea if I'm playing optimally because my confidence just seems to get shot. I won $1700+ for the 4th place finish and ended up winning $2K on the day and I'm sitting here feeling like a **** up. I know for the most part I played really well today and along with running good, I think I made a lot of good decisions and stayed very calm and positive in the beginning of the session. But it's almost like I put a pressure on myself after I suck out on someone else, like losing the tourney after getting lucky is unacceptable and if I let that happen there's something wrong with me. It's an awful attitude and I think 99% of poker players just feel happy or neutral when they suck out. But I almost get anxious. It's very very strange. I felt Zen after getting sucked out on today and felt rattled after sucking out. What is wrong with me!!!

I think I need to actively look for things to deal with this anxiety I've been feeling when playing recently. Even if it means spending good money on it, and even if it means the first few things I try don't work. As I've said before, the mental game might be the most important thing for a poker player, and I need to get mine under control. I'm in my head too much and whether or not it's affecting how I play (it probably is), it is affecting how I feel, and I don't like that.

The Positives

I've been so relaxed the last few days. On Monday night I went to my friends' apartment and watching the Giants Eagles game with them. I one tabled a $55 6 max and let one of my friends sweat it. Managed to mincash before busting AK<K7 after guy ripped 15BBs UTG. Friend's reaction was funny and helped me realize how important it is to not care about results at all: "Ah whatever. Go all in again!" (I had 3 BBs left after that hand). I really enjoyed hanging out with them and really enjoyed not waking up at 6 to go to work like they both did . I drove from that apartment to Kelsey's house and picked her up to come back to my place. We did a lot of fun relaxing stuff, including going to the store to pick up real food to make for lunch Tuesday. It's wild how often I eat out and eat unhealthy food, so that was nice to cook something with her. We took my dog to the park that night and went on a really nice walk in perfect weather. The next day we went to Princeton and cashed in our New Balance gift certificates. We both got $25 credit to the store when she won her age group and I got 2nd in mine in the Dumont 5K. I got a pretty nice bag that will hold my laptop and some clothes comfortably for overnight trips and she got some good running socks.

Later we actually went on a run and despite not running for the last 3 weeks or so I felt good. I ran the first mile with her and then ran an additional 2.25 miles. I was under 7:30 pace somewhat effortlessly so it's good to see the conditioning didn't completely go away. I'm not gonna say I'm gonna get back in shape or anything because I always seem to fall off track, but I would like to win a half marathon at some point. Maybe that would give me the motivation I need. I also just need to run once in a while because I think all of those activities me and Kelsey did was a big part of the reason I felt so relaxed this entire session (until the end when I started running good lol). Having that balance in my life will definitely be part of being able to stay relaxed and focus when I do eventually play poker.

Cliffs

Weird day, felt great to start, lost confidence at the end when I started running really pure, feel like I did not cash in on a pretty big opportunity. Won 2K today to erase the Parx losses and the past losing Sunday. Back in slight profit for October. Writing these updates is therapeutic for me and has already made me feel better from busting MTT that I feel like I gave away. Still, must find something that helps me stay relaxed and focused at all times.

Reflections on Yesterday and Some More Thoughts About the Mental Game

I felt a little bit better about yesterday when I woke up this morning. Felt a bit more at peace with how I played the final 4 of that MTT and realized that I'm just going to have to accept that I will make mistakes throughout my career, no matter how much I study or how hard I work. I also looked back on the hands and I honestly don't think they were THAT bad. I would have refrained from firing a 3rd barrel in the one bluff hand but other than that I don't think it was really all that awful.

I feel like I am learning a lot more about myself every day I play and evaluate how things are going. Today I realized that sitting around during the day on my off days is something that I need to do less of, but that if I do decide to be inactive during the day then I shouldn't feel bad about it. My workday is 7PM until whenever my tourneys end, which is often around 1AM. My off time is before 7PM. I think I've felt this sort of guilty laziness when I see my parents come home around 5:00 from a long day of work and I realize I haven't done anything all day. However, they often get to relax at night and lay around and watch TV while I play tournaments upstairs. I think since poker doesn't feel like the traditional grind of a work day I feel weird about relaxing when I'm not doing it. But I shouldn't feel bad, downtime is important. However, I want to do different things with my downtime so that my mood is better throughout the day.

I caught myself doing nothing today and I got up and went on a run. When I sit around sometimes my thoughts start to turn negative. Oftentimes it isn't even concrete thoughts, rather just a depressed feeling mood, whether it be about a bad session in poker or just a lack of confidence in general. When I run, that cloud that is fogging up my brain is forced to disperse; I'm using too much energy on the run to allow the fog to continue to exist in my mind. I get home and now my thoughts are on getting water, getting food, taking a shower, relaxing with my family because I am legitimately tired and not just in an inactive slump. I'm thinking about the good things now, like the fact that I get to play a game for a living, I have a loving family around me and a goofy dog to hang out with, a supportive girlfriend who is there for me through thick and thin. I start having a tough time even remembering how that negative cloud even formed in my head in the first place. Being active with exercise, even if it's just something as simple as walking my dog around the block, is going to be vital going forward in keeping my mood in a good state.

I read some bits from the Tommy Angelo book Elements of Poker that I have saved on my computer. I've never read it all the way through but always meant to. I had read bits and pieces maybe about a year ago but reading it yesterday had me feeling like it was speaking to me. I could relate so much to the things he said about "The Professional." I didn't necessarily possess all of the traits of The Professional but I realized that if I did not have the experiences I've had in the last few months I would not even be able to relate to what he was talking about. He discusses going pro and points out that just because a man might play 5 years and then go busto doesn't mean he was a failure. He shows how that man might have actually been a profitable player but just had expenses that needed paying and eventually realized he needed a more stable income. And trying and failing is much better than not trying at all.

I really thought about what he said about streaks while I played today. Streaks, whether positive or negative, are all in your head. You're always in the present and whether you won or lost yesterday should have no affect on how your session goes today. He says there are times where he wonders how he could ever lose, because all he did was win. There were also times where he wondered how he could ever win, because all he did was lose. He felt like there was no one on earth who could possibly have been as unlucky as him. He does a great job writing and really captures a lot of the emotions I have had going through this journey. His chapter called "Kuzzycan" made me laugh and also made me realize that I can do whatever I want! It ties in well with the idea that the best players create their own principles and do not simply follow the laws. "Why does a man climb a mountain? Kuzzycan is a word I just made up because I can." He goes on to explain you can do whatever you want at the table, you're only answering to yourself. Today I 5x'ed QQ from EP with this concept in mind. There were 2 regs at the table that may or may not have found it strange and realized it was probably a strong hand from me, but it didn't matter. There were 3 players with VPIP over 50 that weren't folding hands, so I wanted to max out value and thin the field. I ended up stacking one of them who called with JT. I'm definitely going to continue reading the Tommy Angelo book as I think it will really help me with my mindset.

A Great Day Online As Well!!

I felt good and relaxed throughout my entire session today. Things didn't go well early and I found myself in for $500 without a ton of prospects going on, but I felt I was playing well and didn't feel uneasy at all about losing on the day. This has a lot to do with the Tommy Angelo book; today's results don't mean anything unless I let them mean something. I think it's fine if I continue tracking the results like I do, as long as I realize that the results of today, this week, and even this month don't really mean anything in terms of how profitable I am as a player. Normally I would be afraid of booking a big loss on the day but today I decided I would play the $215 turbo anyway, even though it meant I'd be in for $750 without any cashes locked up. When I busted the WSOP 10K I only had the $55 1 re-entry on 888 left along with the $215 turbo.

I ended up hero calling in the $215 turbo with Q3 on a QT8hhJx4x board after a good but very unorthodox reg jammed for slightly more than the pot on the river into me and another reg. It was a 4 way limped pot (he limped UTG, again very unorthodox but he seems to make it work) and we got to the river without much action. It was pretty clear me and the other reg most likely had weak one pair hands and I was confident the aggro reg knew that. So I assumed his river bet would be smaller if he had a straight or 2 pair that wanted to get called by the range I was repping. I thought he'd often have a bluff here that, although possibly obvious, would work because the 2 of us would have to fold. I called and beat A7hh. There were 23 runners in the "MTT" but they go super top heavy with it and pay 3. Today 1st got $2300, 2nd $1380, and 3rd $920. I spun my stack up to the point that I had double 2nd with 10 left and then doubled up 2nd place, QQ<AK. My mental game was great today and I really wasn't upset at all and just continued to grind. I was really relieved when a player busted when I was 4/4 to get us in the money (and pop the absurd $920 bubble), and the very next hand the guy in 2nd busted to the chip leader. The hand after that I got 99 in vs CL's AT and lost to bust 2nd. I definitely wasn't upset!

I finished 4th in the $55 on 888 for $240 to finish the session up $865. However, with the way of thinking with streaks I'm trying to employ, I might rip a couple other tourneys now. It's all one long session and "booking a win" on the day/week/month isn't something I should be worried about anymore.

Another fun read. Keep working on that mental game. Good players get it in bad every once in a while. No shame in that my friend. Definitely can relate to feelings of laziness from doing nothing for too long. The key is to balance things out. We all need some time to unwind. Long mtt sessions are mentally taxing. Balance that with something stress free. Watch a movie or do something fun with your lady friend . Go for your runs then balance that out with some rest for your body. Take a day off here and there and review some hands and go over some poker theory or ICM or mental game theory. The more balanced your life is the happier you'll be and I believe a positive mindset will produce positive results not just in poker but in your overall life.

GL on Sunday Daniel.

One last thing to add to your last sentence of your post. Focus onpl putting in as much volume as you can while playing your A-game and the results will follow. Booking a win or loss for the day should mean nothing to you since you are well rolled for the stakes you play.

Volume + A-game will eventually equal $$$$$.

Thanks for the kind words and good advice. A lot of what you said are things that I intuitively have known for a long time, but it's taken me really putting the grind in as a pro to realize just how important they are. Mental game is huge, balance in life is huge, and studying is huge. Volume is also very important too, but I think it's important sometimes to sacrifice some volume if you aren't playing your A game or if you feel like it will be bad for your mental game. I do agree though that the more volume the better and being able to disregard recent streaks will help in getting that volume in. It's easy to want to book a win on the day or avoid having a bigger losing day if you're stuck on looking at streaks, but if you can ignore those streaks then it will be easier to just focus on playing more games.

Yesterday's Session

Lost 3 tourneys during the day time. Realized I was sort of dreading playing the night session. I felt sluggish and unmotivated with my last game still going as 7:00, when I would have to start my other tournaments, approached closer. Then a thought popped into my head: "What if I just don't play tonight?" It was a strangely freeing thought. It's okay to skip a session if I don't think I'm feeling great. I finished the 3rd tourney and took a break when I busted. I was in for $300 on those 3 and realized that not getting active had made me feel pretty lethargic. I went and played Mario Galaxy (great game) on the Wii and just relaxed. If I felt up to playing more later I could, but I didn't have to! I think becoming a professional has made my mentality different about poker, which is often helpful but sometimes detrimental. I see so many of my peers just "take off" whenever they feel like it and I want to treat this like a business. Just because no one is watching over me doesn't mean I should be slacking off. So I've gone hardcore and played every day that I've had the time to so. But just because I don't have something planned for one day doesn't mean I HAVE to play. I should be playing a very large % of the time, but if it doesn't feel right everyone once in a while I think it's okay to skip.

Just thinking about all of that got me in a good mood and around 8:15 I hopped on my computer and decided to put in a small "second wave" session. I busted on a silly hand in the $109 GSSS event where I c/c'ed 3 streets with KQ on K52r4x4x run out only to be shown K4 by the UTG1 opener. I re-entered and busted a 2nd time. I also busted the $100 MTT on WSOP and was left with only the $55 turbo GSSS event. K2<A3 bvb to drop to 3K at 1500BB (5K SS) and it looked like I was going to brick out on the day. I won the next 2 hands though and was up to 27K just like that! I rode the heat all the way to the bubble with 20 left and then felt I played really well. There's not a lot of wiggle room since it's a turbo but I think I did a good job of not using ICM as an excuse to pass up on spots; just because there were a few shorties with 20 left and 18 paying doesn't mean I should be folding Kx in the SB with 9BBs; I jammed and got it through. The small chipping up I did on the bubble allowed my stack to still have some fold equity once we hit the money. I picked up AA with 10 left and doubled through KQ to enter the FT 4/9...there were 160 entrants so the winner was getting 2K+.

From there I didn't have too many spots so I just sat patiently and didn't jam any weak hands in an effort to "make something happen." I've been doing much better with that lately. I let the game come to me rather than trying to force something. Oftentimes in the past I get frustrated that I haven't had a spot to get my chips in so I just try to create one. Sometimes you just have to be the victim of bad luck and there's nothing you can do to change it. I tried too hard to change it in the past and think I have adjusted well. I was 5/5 and watched a solid player get coolered like crazy, AJ<AA on an AJ4Jx board to move me one more up the ladder. I eventually got 97s in OTB for 7BBs, called by KT, had a chance with the 743 flop but the river was a T and I bowed out in 4th for $660. I had made my peace with being down $680 on the day after I was bumped to 2BBs early, so ending the day even was a great feeling! Again though, daily results don't matter, so I tried not to put too much stock in that. I was happy though that when I thought the day was over with a $680 loss it didn't seem to affect me at all, I was just ready to go play some more Mario Galaxy

Today

Made some changes to my fantasy lineups this morning, went on a 3 miler at 1:00, came back and got some food and called my girlfriend, and am now just about ready to start my session. Today is one of the bigger days in NJ online poker with the GSSS main event, a $215 $150K guarantee, starting at 5PM. There's also 4 other events I plan on playing, and I have to decide just how many $215 hyper turbo satties I want to play to get into the $1060 high roller. Right now I'm thinking 2 but that number might change. There's also the $200 $30K on WSOP and they just started a "series" (which is a big joke) in which event 1 will be a $200 $12K guarantee re-entry. So a reg-filled sng. Not sure if I'll play that or not. In any case, it's time to shower and get ready for the grind. It's very possible I lose 2K+ today, so it will be a good test of my "streaks don't matter" mentality if that happens. Let's plan on winning something big though

Well I didn't have to test my "streaks don't matter" mentality today.

Focusing on the Right Things

I thought a bunch about getting volume in today so long as my mindset was good. I know I tend to be quite loss-averse, probably more so than most poker players, and I think it's something I have to shake off. I lost the first $215 hyper satty and then lost the 2nd as well. At this point I could stick to the 2 buy ins I suggested in the last post, but I also said that number might change. My bankroll can handle plenty of $215 shots while still staying above the 100 buy in rule, so theoretically I could play a ton of those and still be in good BRM. However, I often shy away from this because I don't want to have a really big losing day. But with my mindset on not worrying about streaks, I decided to play a 3rd satty...

About 4 hours after winning that 3rd satty I found myself at the final table and in the money of the $1060 GSSS High Roller. Three (at least) of the opponents I faced had 7 figures in online earnings. A few others were solid NJ regs. I was short to start but got a double with AQ>AJ. I think I navigated ICM quite well and eventually busted in 5th for a shade over $8100. To say I ran well is a ridiculous understatement. I had to fold down to 3200 (10K SS) at 800BB before finally getting to jam A3 into KK, A high flop and I double. Later I won 2 flips in dramatic fashion: The 1st, he flopped a pair and I rivered the 2 outter; the 2nd, he flopped top pair and I flopped a gut shot and hit 1 of my 6 outs on the river to double again to get to around 30K. From there I think I navigated my stack quite well and stayed calm when I was 10/10 with 9 paying. A $2300 bubble is a big enough deal for me at this point in my career to feel nervous, but I took the spots I felt I had to and was lucky enough that the shorty on the other table lost a flip to send us into the money.

While I was playing this I was going deep in the $55 "Slow Grind." 20 minute levels for a ridiculously slow structure that allowed me to abuse the players who were trying to move up. We were 4 handed in that when I busted 5th in the high roller and I actually ran pretty bad in the bigger spots: QQ<KJ and A8<A6 to have allll the chips in play. I will not be complaining about run bad for a long long time, so the reason I mention the run bad here is to point out that I really kept my head on straight and continued taking the good spots against the obvious mark at the table. That all being said, it's much easier to stay focused after hitting the biggest score of your life. I ended up making an even chop heads up for $1700ish.

Biggest Score of My Career (So Far)

A couple noteworthy things about the $8188 5th place finish for me. It is my biggest score by $188 and stops me from being able to say my biggest score ever was 12th in a freeroll! Back in June of 2010 I got 12th of 15000 in the turbo takedown on Stars for $8000 (you can confirm this on sharkscope; it doesn't show up on any other tracking site afaik). I do however get to continue saying I have never cashed for 5 figures in one tournament. I'm okay with that though, I know that will come soon.

The Day's Results

Including the satties AND the $1060 to buy into the tourney (even though I won a ticket), today's buy ins totaled about $2700. Including the $1060 ticket as part of the return, I cashed for over $11K. All told it was an $8500 day to bring my BR over 35K. This will allow me to cash out over 10K, tucking most of it into savings (to get that to 10K even) and the rest into checking (to get that to 5K even). This has been one of my huge goals and is really thrilling to get to almost completely from the profits of today. I *might* decide to keep a 30K bankroll to give me more wiggle room to hop into live events $300 and under if I feel the urge, but for now I'm pretty confident I will just pull out enough to pad the savings and checking. Either way, I will wait until the end of the month to make this decision. I stated earlier in this blog that I will only withdraw money at the end of the month and I will stick to that.

The End of the Garden State Super Series

I had planned on summing the series up before I binked today, so now it will just be a bit skewed toward that 1 tourney lol.

Events Played: 26
Total Re-Entries: 5
Combined Number of Buy Ins: 31
Total Buy In Amount: $4292
Number of Events Cashed: 8
Number of Final Tables: 4
Top 5 Finishes: 4
Total Cashes: $13161.58
Profit: $8869.58
ROI: 206.65%

I included the top 5 finishes in there just because coming 1-5 4 times and 6-9 0 times is so huge for making money in tournaments. The money is up top, so while I do wish I closed a few of these (T1st, 4th, 4th, 5th were the finishes), I made a lot more money than I would have with 6th-9th finishes. Also, while the majority of the profit obviously comes from the 1K, there's a lesson in there somewhere. I grinded the whole series and profited $8807.70 on the last 2 tournaments I finished, which means in the other 29 MTTs I played I profited $61.88. But that's just how tournament poker works! If you can grind it out and break even for a while until that big score comes you can be successful.

Tomorrow's Plans

While I am obviously very excited about this mini-breakthrough, I want to make sure I keep level headed and keep doing the right things. I've been running every other day this week and I like how that's been going, but I think I am going to want to make sure that any day I plan on playing poker at night, I run during the day. It really helps clear the fog from my head. I'm gonna go get the oil changed in my car and try to work out the receipts from live tournaments to put into a spreadsheet while I wait for that to be done. And then I will most likely just put another session in. The grind must continue!

A+ my man. A+!

Congrats. Very happy for you.

Congrats on the score!

congrats buddy! Well done.

Kill ittt

Thanks Guys!

I am very excited about the score...on one hand, when you get that deep you really want to close it out and ship that 27K. But on the other hand, there were so many spots where I could have busted before the money and not made any money, so I'm gonna choose to focus on that rather than the "what if" mentality I've often had in the past. This score also allows me to really have enough money tucked away to the point that I really feel like my bankroll is 100% my bankroll and not money I rely on IRL. Thursday through Sunday was an unbelievable stretch for me, going +1950, +1250, -20, and +8550 respectively each of the 4 days. While I know it's largely due to a great stretch of positive variance, I do know that the hard work I've put in had a lot to do with it too. Keeping my head on straight through the bad stretches and really reflecting on my play helped immensely, and I must continue to do these things going forward. I do think though that keeping my head on straight will be easier now with some money saved away.

Yesterday's Session

I played a session yesterday and didn't really feel 100% while I played. When this has happened to me lately I've really tried to stop and figure out exactly what it is that is making me feel like that so I can fix it for next time. A couple things came to mind. I've been wearing my glasses recently rather than contacts because I've been getting headaches when I put the contacts in. I'm hoping that's just a small scratch or something on my eye (I changed pairs of contacts a few times but get the same pain). I adjusted my glasses at one point yesterday and the screen I was looking at became clearer! That's when I realized the last few times I've gotten my eyes checked, he's changed the prescription of my contacts but I've been using the same glasses. I might need to go get a better pair if I don't start using the contacts again soon.

I also did not run yesterday. I've been intentionally running every other day so as to not rush back into it and not get bored of it, but I really have felt a (positive) difference each day I have ran. Yesterday I did get moving at least--went to the store for some cereal, walked my dog, and took my car for an oil change, so I wasn't dormant all day. But I did still feel pretty groggy when playing the session. I might need to start running every day I plan on putting a session in at night. I ended up punting one of the tourneys where a guy played his hand deceptively but still made his sizing obvious enough that I should be folding non made hands. I jammed with A high and he had KK on a low board in a pot in which he flatted my 3b pre.

I did stay with the session pretty well despite not feeling great and eventually managed to cash 3 tourneys. I finished 11th in the 10K on WSOP and if I had won that one it woulda been soooo crazy--I had 1200 chips left after losing an all in at 6000BB and subsequently god moded it up to 80K before losing AK<TT to bust at 8KBB. Had I won that pot I really woulda had a shot, but it's insane I got it back to 80K to begin with. I also mincashed a 10r and came 5th in the Party 5K to squeak out a small winning day of $33. I bought the ticket to the 5K with player points so when you add that in I made $88 on the day, hooray!

Today's Plans

Not totally sure exactly what I'm going today but have a basic idea and since it's already after 11:00 here I wanna make sure I actually get a plan together. I'm tired of just sitting around feeling useless in the day! Some things I'm considering: going on a run, getting a haircut, playing cash at Parx, cleaning room. My buddy also sort of invited me to hang out tonight so I might head there instead of putting a session in tonight. I've played the last 5 nights so it might be time for a break. Either way gonna start with some breakfast and then go from there. Thanks again for the kind words guys!

Grats on the score...keep up the good work.

A Couple Big Milestones

So while I don't want to focus too much on stuff like this, I do feel like the two things I achieved on PocketFives in the past week are a nice little indication that things are headed in the right direction. First of all, I was very very close to earning the 250K badge (unlocked when you record 250K in earnings collectively through online MTTs) before Sunday, and then the 10K in cashes put me way over that, so the 250K badge is mine! A shade under 200K of that is from NJ sites exclusively, so it's nice to have that now. There are only a handful of people who grind the NJ sites that have gotten there so far so I think it's something I can be proud of.

Also when I checked the rankings today (they update every Wednesday) I saw that I am now ranked #8 in New Jersey. It's the first time I've cracked the top 10 and it's really nice to see myself there. Honestly I think I should be up there pretty much permanently so long as I'm playing online professionally in New Jersey. The leader board takes into account a combination of volume and success at the higher stakes, and since I'm playing the highest stuff they offer about 4 or 5 times per week I really think I should be in that top 10. However, negative variance can strike at any time so falling out of the top 10 shouldn't really bother me either. That's part of the reason I don't want to put too much emphasis on it. But seeing those two things does have me feeling good and sort of gives me concrete proof that I am headed in the right direction.

I did end up going to my buddies' place last night and the three of us watched the Mets game. From start to finish. Ugh. Obviously the Red Sox are my favorite team...the Cubs actually are #2 since my dad grew up in Chicago and is a fan of theirs, but I've never had anything against the Mets and have always cheered for them whenever I saw them on TV (unless they were playing the Sox or Cubs). So I've got no issues with supporting them during this World Series. My one friend is a huge fan so he was hanging on every pitch, so 14 innings that lasted until 1AM, only to lose, when you gotta get up for work around 6...well I felt pretty bad for him lol. It was a good time though and a nice way to get away from poker for a night. I also reopened discussions with them about getting an apartment and they still seem interested in the 3 of us potentially living together in a few months. The score I had Sunday I think has put me over the top financially to feel comfortable living away from home, and I decided yesterday that if the move put me much closer to my girlfriend then it would be a great first stepping stone in living on my own. So there's a definite possibility that happens.

I don't feel 100% right now so am going to have to decide if I want to take another day off, which would make 4 for the week since I'm taking Friday and Saturday off, or grind through it. On the one hand, 4 days off in a week is not good. On the other hand, playing when you don't feel great is often a bad idea. So I'll probably go get some food, take a little rest, and see how I feel after and decide whether I want to play or not tonight. Another option might be to skip the bigger stuff and start very late (10PMish) and play the 5K 10r on wsop, the $100 on WSOP at 10:35, the $35 on WSOP at 9:45, etc, since there is a decent schedule for the late night crowd. I'll have to decide later.

Overall Feelings Since Big Sunday

I'm very happy with where I am mentally right now. In the past, when I've had a lucrative day, I often got a feeling of being on top of the world and wanting to grind as much as possible because now was the time I was gonna run my bankroll up to infinity. While I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy about the results from Sunday, I am more realistic about things than I ever have been. I realize negative variance can still hit at any time. I realize it's important to continue to crank out volume and to not get lazy. And I also realize it's important to continue to study and improve. I did an entire hand history review from the 1K with 3 of my buddies today, from start to finish. I was worried I played way too tight throughout the MTT and only finished 5th because I ran really good. While there was definitely some run good in there, winning 3 showdowns to go from 3200 to 30K in very short time, there were only 2 times that I got all in (and called) after that. I won AQ>AJ to double at the final table, and lost KQ<AJ to bust.

Everywhere else I played somewhat tight but we really only found 1 spot that we thought I should have thrown a 3b in there. For the most part most of my folds were just correct/disciplined, and I continued to put myself in position to stay alive and ladder up. When we looked at how I moved from 10K down to 3200, it really was genuinely a result of no spots and not folding down that low would have just been spew. So it was comforting to see that that extreme nittiness was correct and without it, the 8K bink might not have happened. I'm excited for what the future holds and look forward to continuing to try to improve my game.

Huge Disappointment

I'm trying to refrain from complaining about run bad but I think it's good for me to get my thoughts down right after a session that ends in big big disappointment. I was in complete control of the $215 50K Party Poker Sunday major, which is the biggest MTT we NJers have to look forward to each week. 311 entrants in this one and I was in the top 5 from probably 60 people down to 20. I then played a hand that would make me the chip leader a good majority of the time, but today I have to settle for yet another tournament that I will not be winning.

CO opens I defend BB with 96dd, flop comes AQ3dd. I c/r an amount I would make it if I had a value hand like A3, 33, or even a big combo draw. I'm definitely repping thin here but I think I still get folds from his pure steals and might be able to make some value hands fold based on what turn I get. He flats and the turn is the 10d to give me the 3rd nut flush. I decide to make my bet the size I would make it if I had a weak value hand that I wanted to get to showdown. I bet 1/3 pot, knowing if he flats I will have a comfortable sized shove on the river to try to get value from his Ax/2 pair/set hands. Instead he shoves the exact sort of hand I was hoping would just rip it in, KdQx. There's now 330K or so in the middle, I have 170K back, and there are 3.1M chips in play with 18 players left. If I can fade 7 outs I will be all but guaranteed a spot at the final table, and with the way I've controlled this table I feel comfortable that I will be able to increase my stack with minimal risk.

The river is the 5d and I am knocked down to 170K at 6K BB. I thought about it recently, my 3 biggest scores have not been 1st place finishes. I just have not closed out the big tournaments and that is why I've yet to secure a 5 figure score. I keep my head on pretty straight and begin to fold a bunch; with a sub 30BB stack I can't continue to apply pressure the way I was before with marginal hands. I get lucky enough to find AK in the BB with 140K at 8KBB, button somehow just has 2 10s and I lose the 300K flip to bust 15th. With 11.6K up top, busting for 800 and losing 100 on my Sunday is pretty damn painful.

I know, I know. Last Sunday was huge for me. There's no way I should complain about run bad right now. But after a while when you just have not won a big tournament in your entire career you start wondering if you have what it takes to really grab control of an MTT and finish it. I feel like I finally did that today. I chipped up throughout this thing without ever really putting my tournament at risk. I took every spot and trusted my reads and it kept me in the top 3 the whole way. And when I finally did have to get most of my chips in there, I needed to win in the spot I win 84% of the time and I couldn't do it when it mattered. I then stayed patient and played optimally and lose a huge flip to bust. It's so hard when you see the same people, week in week out, have huge success in this tournament. Luckily for me the guy who gets there over and over is a friend and he's one of the nicest guys in the game; he also outworks everyone in this state imo. But you just start to wonder, if one guy can win it 4 or 5 times, why can't I come top 3 once?? This is obviously raw emotion talking but it's just so frustrating as a competitor to be out of the winner's circle for so long. Money-wise, it'd be nice to win it but I'm not in that same sort of desperation mode I seemed to feel in months past. But with only 2 or 3 big tournaments per week online in NJ, getting as close as I have without any podium finishes is pretty heartbreaking.

October was my biggest month ever and I really feel like I was a few card turns away from matching that profit on the first day of November. But for now the month will start with a small loss. I'll be fine when I wake up in the morning but right now I'm fuming. I played my A game tonight and just got teased with a painful 15th place finish.

Any updates, Dan? Hopefully things are going well for you.

Hey thanks man...Yep things are fine, I guess I am overdue for an update!

October Results

I realize I still haven't posted results from last month. It was my biggest month ever with a profit of 10.1K. I was down $3200 after October 12th, took 5th in the WSOP 10K on the 13th for a +$500 day, took the 14th off, and won the same 10K on the 15th to get the monthly total to +$143 . I lost $1850 the next 4 days and took the 2 days after that off to be down $1700 total after the 1st 3 weeks of the month. I then had my biggest weekend to day; I was +$1950 on Thursday the 22nd, +$1250 on Friday, break even on Saturday, and +$8500 Sunday after the 5th in the 1K and 1st in the $55 GSSS events. I finished the 6 days of the month about even. It's pretty cool to look back at that and see how quickly a bad month can turn into the best month; it's simply the nature of tournament poker.

Moving Out

I've officially agreed to move in with my 2 friends from college. I think that will occur some time around the start of the new year. I'm estimating I'll need $2000 per month to pay for rent, bills, and other expenses. That is a low estimate and I probably should be preparing for around $2500 per month. It would definitely be safer and better financially to just continue living at home while I continue to tuck money away. But the 11K weekend I had in October I think has put me over the top to go ahead and take this leap. I took 10K out of the bankroll and tucked it right into savings, and I still have enough money in checking to last the rest of 2015. That gives me 4 months (if we assume $2500/month) of funds tucked away in case of some sort of terrible downswing. Add that to the fact that I still have a bankroll of over 25K and I plan to continue to make money playing this game and I think I will be financially set.

So even though I am financially okay I would probably still live at home to continue to save money except for a few reasons:

1) I am 24 years old and I think it's just getting to that time where I need to branch out. As I've said before, I love my parents and have a great relationship with them. I like the neighborhood I live in and I am comfortable at home. BUT the longer I wait to move out the longer it is going to take me to get my life started. There's comfort in knowing that if this doesn't work out they'd take me back, but I gotta get a move on here!

2) The area my friends are looking to move to is much much closer to where my girlfriend lives. As of now we have to plan which days we see each other in advance. Every visit is a multi-day visit because logistically it just doesn't make sense to drive so far or take a train just to hang out for a day. She has started a job in the field she wants to work full time in and she is finishing college at the end of this semester. That means she'll have more hours and less time to hang out. The beauty of what I'm doing is I get to morph my schedule how I want, so I'd be able to just look at her schedule and more easily find time when we can see each other. We'd also be able to hang out for one day or one night and then go home, rather than having to take out blocks of time days long to be able to see each other.

3) I like my friends! College was fun! I enjoyed being around those guys and I think I'd have a lot of fun now. Granted it would be much different; they work at the same place, leave early in the morning and don't get home til after 5, sometimes later. I do worry that I'd feel a bit lonely during the day. Even at home when no one's around during the day I at least have my dog to take on a walk or throw a ball around with and he is a good companion; in an apartment it'd just be me. But I do enjoy that solitude sometimes and I think I am better equipped than most to be alone for long chunks of time and still feel happy. So while it's a minor concern I'm not too worried about it.

4) Living on my own but with roommates will give me a good stepping stone to knowing how to handle myself in the real world. I lived at college for a few years but meals were provided and my parents still paid for a lot. Now it will be just me, but with 2 buddies to work together with to figure out how to pay for everything.

So all of those things combined have led me to want to make this move. The live casinos will be farther away which is a bit of a pain but truth be told, I haven't gone to play cash at Parx really at all even though I've said I wanted to. When Parx has a series I want to play I can just stay at home for that week. And AC will be 2.5 hours away instead of 1.5, but even at 1.5 hours away I always had to find a hotel if I wanted to stay there more than one day so that's not a big issue either. I'm a bit nervous about figuring out all the details of where we're living and the area we're in and all of that stuff but once that all gets settled I think it'll be a good move for me.

Poker

As far as poker goes this month, I'm down about $900. Last Sunday I got close in the 50K, yesterday I had heaps in the Party 10K and then ran an unsuccessful triple barrel bluff that got called down by A8 on AT2QQ. I opened UTG and bet every street including a pot size shove on the river. I don't think there was much thought in the his call, he just said "I have ace" and got it on in there. It does make me wonder though if, even if I think the play shows profit long term, is it worth doing in NJ? When the overall skill of the player pool in that tournament is so low should I just pass on these "good" bluff spots? He defended BB vs my UTG open and c/c'ed all 3 streets, so I was pretty confident his best hand was Ax while obviously my range is uncapped. But even with this info maybe I should just fire flop and give up. I don't know. In any case I went from 3/20 to maybe 17/20 with 15 paying and managed to finish 11th for $290, so at least I didn't punt after that hand. I also didn't feel too bad about the bluff in terms of he had what I thought he had and just wasn't capable of folding it, but it did make me think about long term strategy for these tourneys with soft fields.

I've been playing a lot of sng's lately since for whatever reason I've been feeling a lack of motivation for tournaments. I've realize these sngs help my mental game. For one reason or another I feel much more confident and relaxed in MTTs after I play a bunch of SNGs. I think it's because it's much easier to see the amount of variance in poker after playing a bunch of turbo sngs. I feel less stressed about losing the tourneys I'm playing because I better realize just how easy it is to run bad and be out fast. The SNG leaderboard for WSOP is also back and while the prizes aren't huge, it is just added money at the end of the week. There's no way I can come top 2 since bballwiz and phatdaddy quite possibly play every single sng that goes off, but aiming to get 3rd at least in the high leaderboard is a reasonable goal imo. It's much different than grinding sngs from before black friday because the games go off less frequently so you don't get to just "choose" to 10 table because that can take forever to start. You also end up with 2 of the same people in literally every sng you play which is sort of interesting.

Running and the Rest of the Day

Today I'll be putting in a pretty good session since it is Sunday. I ran 4 miles on Friday and ran another 4 today. Friday's run felt labored and I finished in 29:20; today's run felt really good and I finished in 28:20. I think I ate and drank better before today's run and ran smarter. The weather was also better being in the mid 50s rather than the low 70s like Friday. After a 7:24 1st mile (I was aiming for around 7:30) I told myself it's fine to do this whole run at 7:30 pace. Mile 2 was 7:01, 3 was 7:04, and 4 was 6:49. My effort level never really changed either. It was an interesting and encouraging run in that sense. Now it's time to shower and eat. I'll probably watch the early football games and then start the grind around 4:30. At 4:00 there's a freeroll on Party for anyone who bought something from their Points Store, which they recently changed to only include tournament tickets and cash lol. But it's a 10K freeroll and 543 are regged as of now so it'll probably end up being about $15 in equity in a soft field so that's nice. Looking forward to the grind today, good luck to anyone else playing on this fine Sunday

Well another Sunday another final table another blah finish. Had a lot of chips with 18 left in the $200 30K guarantee on WSOP, lost a flip for a sizable stack with 11 left, and then bust A7<T9s in 8th for $750. $8200 up top. I just can't seem to run good at final tables. It's coming for sure but it's so so frustrating to continuously put yourself in the spots in the biggest tourneys you're playing and just not get there. I'm actually not even that frustrated when I think about it but these Sunday majors are the same thing every time I make a run: run really good/play really good early, continue playing well but lose some standard all ins (some bad beats, some flips, some where I'm behind) late in the MTT, and bust somewhere 5th-8th. That's now 1x5th, 1x6th, 1x7th, and 2x8th in these $200 Sunday majors, with 0 top 4s. It's a lot of money! But it's obviously just variance, and I make sure to remind myself that I was down to 3200 at 800BB in the 1K and all in with A3 vs KK, and I eventually finished 5th for 8K. So there was obviously huge positive variance for me there. But then thoughts of KQ<AJ for 3rd place stack and potentially thousands more at that final table creep into my head too! I think the best thing about all of this to take away is that variance exists, there's nothing you can do about it, and while sometimes it works for you and sometimes against you there is really no point in worrying or thinking about it. You have to focus on how you played. And I think I played quite well and took good spots and the cards simply didn't fall my way. They will eventually and when they do I will make sure to capitalize on it.

Ended the day up about $300 and am watching Joe try to win the main event on TV right now. It's pretty surreal thinking back to skyping with him 6 years ago during my freshman (and his freshman) year of college. Now he has 70M chips at the main event final table. Seriously. What the ****. It's truly unbelievable. I guess that playing the main could be a good longterm goal for me. I'll have to work hard to make sure I feel financially safe enough to spend the money it takes to go out there and live for a couple weeks or whatever it might be. I might go back and play some more sngs while watching the main...I have to imagine I'm gonna stay up for all of it. They play down to 4 tonight and come back tomorrow to play down to heads up.

Some Main Event Thoughts

So Joe won the main and it's pretty unbelievable. I've known of Josh Beckley for over a year now, have played with him a little on the NJ sites (I looked at my HUD just for giggles to see the last hand I had with him and it was in the middle of June, so he must have still been here grinding then instead of playing WSOP prelims). I remember him selling for Parx stuff at what I thought was really big markup, and then final tabling a few events which made it seem quite justified. I never personally talked to him but I do remember being at Borgata and standing in a circle with him on a break because we had some mutual friends. Seemed like a nice guy from that short interaction. So watching those two go heads up on the world's biggest stage was really strange. I remember how often I've watched the main event through the years and thinking how wild it must be to be at that final table. This year I had direct connections with both guys. I've also played over 1000 hands on the NJ sites with Tom Cannuli and played live with Pat Chan this summer. It was pretty cool to feel that connected to the final table.

I used to hang out with some guys who oozed negativity and I found myself starting to do the same. When I cut off contact with those guys I found myself becoming more positive and acting more like me again. I also stopped being a part of the NJ MTT skype chat some time in March because I felt like it was distracting me and definitely not helping my game since it was really just used to gossip. It's funny because Joe found his way into that somehow and was the main reason I left the group lol. Separating myself from the negativity helped my mental game, as I've talked about in this thread at length. I'm bringing all of this up because a lot of that talk often centered around how good Joe runs and how anyone could win MTTs like he does if they ran as good as him. I'm wondering what those guys think about it all now, especially given how good Joe did run at that final table. One of those guys even created an account on Twitter, @due904. While it actually is really funny, it's also clearly super bitter about Joe's success.

The reason I'm bringing all of this up is because while watching that final table I really was rooting for Joe. In the past I think I might have felt some twinge of jealousy or something that stemmed from me thinking negatively about the luck factor. But the thing that those bitter guys seem to miss is just how hard Joe works at this game. He really played every live event he could get into for a long time, and there was a point before black friday where he was downswinging to the point that he felt like quitting the game. But he persevered, hit a few big online scores, then hit some big live scores before turning 21 at Turningstone and the PCA, and then started winning everything once turning 21. He's undoubtedly gone through downswings but he doesn't bitch like most do so it's hard to see just how much adversity he's going through.

The point is, it takes more than just run good to become successful. The best players in the world are eventually going to make it. They're not all going to win the main event of course, but the perseverance through the tough times and the drive to get better combined with the natural ability will eventually lead to success. The best example I can think of is Matt Affleck, who took a BRUTAL beat that may have well made him the main event champion in 2010. Instead the river hit his opponent to bust Affleck just short of the final table, and the guy who won that hand won the MTT for all the glory. Affleck continued to grind after and has a really impressive poker resume today. He didn't get the fame and glory but undoubtedly used some of the money won from that tourney to help propel him to more success.

I also want to point out that while Joe did run good, I think he played the final table borderline flawlessly. Early on he could have gone nuts but he really sat back and picked his spots. It's easy to get a chip lead and pick the WRONG spots to go after; being able to fold the close spots despite wanting to push your chip lead is a skill that is really underrated. When ICM started becoming a bigger deal, Joe pushed those spots without ever even coming close to blowing up. It was all really calculated and from the outside looking in it seems easy, but any seasoned player knows that toeing the line of pure aggression and calculated risk when being an overwhelming chip leader is a very fine line that is easy to get tripped up on. Congrats to Joe, congrats to Josh, and congrats to everyone else who made that final table.

Back to Reality

I took 8th in both the high and medium sng leaderboards last week. Think I got a little over $60 combined for those results. The sngs seem soft and profitable. I've played 103 so far this month and have a 1.6% ROI (+$47) on $2700 worth of buy ins. I hope I'm just running bad lol because I feel like I should be crushing these. I think bballwiz and phatdaddy have both been in every single one (if not they've only missed 1 or 2) so that could account for a slightly lower ROI but I think it should still be much higher than what I've got. I'll look up the $50s and $100s I've played because I have a feeling I've ran worse in those which will obviously bring the ROI way down...I've played 21x$50 sngs, have 13 busts, 4x2nd, and 4x1st, resulting in +$54 (5% ROI) and played 3x$100 sngs with 2 busts and a 2nd for -$106.80. So overall only down about $50 on the bigger buy ins so I guess it's not that. Guess more volume will have to be the solution!

I wanna start playing more MTTs again, I think I've been shying away from them for whatever reason and not putting much volume in. I've dropped to 12th in NJ on P5s so I've gotta start putting some results on the board again! I might grind on Borgata tonight instead of Party since Borgata is the only one that has satties to their live events coming up. Hopefully I win something so I don't have to transfer money to Borg which can be a pain. Right now I'm gonna go eat and probably start the grind around 7:30.

Best of luck, borgata has some nice live event going on now, you should check it out

Thanks man! I might still sorta be in my little live hiatus but have not ruled out the Open for sure. This weekend I'm home playing online though!

Toys For Kids / Children's Hospital Donations

Just wanted to make a post here to encourage you guys to check out this thread: http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/96...nnual-1568745/

As Christmas approaches it's a great time to reflect on how lucky a lot of us are and to try to give something back. I'll definitely be making a donation to this cause and I encourage you to also!

Friday, Saturday, SNGs and Bonuses

Grinded sngs somewhat hard Friday and Saturday along with the bigger tournaments. $2390.80 in buy ins, $2402.77 in returns. I made 10 bucks! I did make $30 in bonuses though and also increased my APP (similar to FPPs on Stars) total on WSOP. At the end of each month these points are matched to your brick and mortar Total Rewards Card. I have about 11.5K points on there for the year and 15K gets you diamond status which does include some bonuses that would be useful for me, so it'd be nice to get that. I've got a little over 1000 points earned through the first 15 days of this month and if I keep that pace (I think I'll actually improve on that pace with the sng grind) I should get to diamond no problem. That assumes though that WSOP and Total Rewards will convert the points flawlessly...it wouldn't shock me if they wait to transfer December's points until January and by then the system has locked it out or something and I end up having to jump through a ton of hoops to get my diamond status. So we'll see about that. The sng leaderboard promo is still running and while I'll never finish top 2 with how much the 2 grinders grind, I still can pretty easily make $100/month on that. I've also been getting $10 on WSOP every time I clear 100 points since I made a $500 deposit last month that was to be matched. It's really cool that WSOP allows me so much time to clear this bonus; it's really made me grind so much harder on their site than on Party's, where you get 2 weeks to clear 2000 points or whatever to get your bonus and they only give it to you every 200 points or something ludicrous.

A Down and Up Sunday

Today was a really really good poker day. It has more to do with confidence and mentality than results, but the results were fine as well. I was down about $1700 on the month coming into today and that feeling of doom and gloom was present again. However, I'd been doing something differently (and better) in the last couple days. I've finally been using the full scope of my 100 buy in rule. Rather than being afraid of swinging thousands each day, I started simply playing anything that was running. With a bankroll around 25K I've got plenty of wiggle room to play literally every sng and MTT that runs in NJ online using the 100 buy in rule. So I started regging the $200 sngs, playing the nightly $215 turbo on Party (when I remembered to reg), etc. On Friday I played 2 of the $200 turbos and won one for $730, and also won the only $100 I played for $358. The MTTs went blah so I won about $100 on the day. The next day I didn't get to play any of the bigger ones but did still play $595 in buy ins in the $50s and under. $575 return for a small loss. Took 6th in the Party $55 but lost small in MTTs on the day as well.

So today I went in with volume on the mind. I wanted to make sure I didn't just give up when things went south. It's a habit I've gotten into; the early tourneys go bad, I decide I'll play the rest of the tourneys I have going as hard as I can but when they're over I'm done! I'll go watch Netflix rather than continue to register these dumb tourneys! Today the mindset was to really grind, try to have 6 MTTs running most of the time but if I was frustrated with them or there weren't any good ones to fill the screen at that time slot I would simply play sngs. At around 10:00 the day was going very poorly. I'd bubbled BOTH of the majors, slowly bleeding down from 16K to 9K before 3b shoving 44 over an aggro opponent for 15BBs only for him to wake up with JJ (bust 35th with 30 paying) in the WSOP 30K. I then lost AA to QQ for a lot of chips in the Party 50K about 25 from the money to drop to 12BBs. Grinded hard and didn't punt and eventually lost a flip to bust 54th with 45 paying. I also busted the only 2 $200 sngs I'd played. I had an around average stack in the Party 10K and rather than give up I decided to rip both of the $55s on 888 and the $215 turbo on Party.

I think me of a few weeks ago would probably skip some of those later tourneys in order to "contain my losses" for the day or something. I was starting a $1200 loss in the face and adding more stuff could just potentially make that loss bigger. I was scared of the "but I could win it all back!" side of me because chasing losses is something that you really should not do as a poker player. BUT, if this is your job and your mindset is okay, you aren't just chasing losses if you continue to play! Obviously the more volume the more money you should make theoretically, so just giving up because I was tired or annoyed is a pretty bad excuse. I ran great in the turbo and took 1st/32 for $1984. I laddered really well in the Party 10K to finish 5th/178 for $1335. There was a guy with a million chips while over half the field had <100K. It was a wild dynamic but I think sitting back and really playing passively in order to move up is the way to go there. I remember being very relieved to even make the final table, so getting 5th is a huge victory in itself. So after $2078 worth of buy ins, I ended the day with around a $1500 profit. It could easily have been a $1500 loss if I had got frustrated or not continued registering stuff, allowing that $215 turbo win to happen. I ran bad all day, but then won the big spots in the turbo which led to a 2K cash. It makes you realize how useless it is to complain about all the bad beats since one tournament can really change a day/week/month/year/career.

So while this day was very encouraging for me from a mental standpoint, financially it is not that important. I know that $1500 is a lot of money and in the past I'd be excited about a day like today. But since I am going to be really trying to put in high volume and play all the bigger sngs whenever they run, and the $215 turbo, and anything else that gets off, I have to get comfortable with these swings. I really think I have to start looking at my bankroll as points, play money almost. I have good bankroll management and will cut these 200s out if my BR ever drops below 20K again. Punting my bankroll has never been a concern. In fact it's been the opposite, and being afraid to have swings is just not going to cut it anymore. I have to embrace the 4 figure days, whether they be positive or negative, because if I want to really make money at this game I have to just let it go and trust that I'm capable of beating all stakes in NJ.

I have to stop subconsciously trying to prevent myself from having a 4 figure losing day. I have to stop losing all my confidence every time I have a stretch of several days where I lose all the big showdowns. I have to stop feeling like whenever I lose there was something I could have done to prevent losing! I always want to improve, but I've taken it too far. It's gotten to the point where every time I lose I feel like I'm not good enough and if I had only done this or that I wouldn't have busted. It's definitely true that I misplay hands, but I was getting way too down on myself about every wrong decision (which also might have led to me being upset about good decisions I made that happened to not work out, which is very bad). I feel like today was a huge step in moving the right way towards everything I mentioned above.

I ran 4 miles Friday and 4 miles Saturday. It's the first time I've ran back to back days in a while but it felt pretty good. I took today off but I'm actually looking forward to running tomorrow. This is another good sign; in the past, after a winning day, I felt like I could just relax and I'd almost get complacent with things that even didn't have to do with poker. I don't feel like that at all right now and I want to continue looking for ways to eat healthy and stay in shape. It's all interconnected and important into growing as a poker player and as a human being.

Last Minute Live Tourney

I decided to drive to Borgata Monday morning to play the $400 Almighty Stack. I've heard people talk about how much fun it was and decided to give it a shot. I wasn't planning on playing any of the Borgata series and I knew I planned on hanging out with my gf this week Tuesday through Thursday morning. But with 5 starting flights, day 2 was Thursday at noon, so I decided to shoot down on Monday and give it a shot. The structure was pretty cool even if it was a bit ridiculous: 100K starting stack, 300K guaranteed prize pool. Day 1 would end at the end of the 5K/10K level. Some hands from the day:

Hand 1: Blinds at 1K/2K/300 ante, MP opens to 6K, button flats, I defend BB with JTo.

Flop (Pot around 21K): ATTr. I check, MP bets 8K, button folds I flat.

Turn (Pot 37K): ATTr 4x. Check check. I discussed this hands with a couple people and someone suggested leading turn. I think I like the play, as we stop Ax from pot controlling and I'm often getting value from that hand since most people aren't going to lead with a 10 here.

River (Pot 37K): ATTr 4x Qx. I lead 18K. I wanted to get value from the Ax hands that might have decided "the pot was big enough" and wanted to check back. I'm feeling like my hand is pretty nutted here based on the action. My opponent has been quite straight forward for the hour or two I've played with him. So the longer he thought and played with his chips the more worried I get, because it didn't look like he was thinking about calling! Sure enough he raises to 45K. About 2 seconds after the raise comes out I ask him "You got 2 queens over there?"

This is one of those spots live where the rational side of you knows you almost never ever have the best hand here. If you looked at his range and really analyzed this spot after the tourney, you'd know just how bad a call here is. But in game, some really dumb things go through your head (well through my head anyway). "You can't level yourself into thinking you're getting 2 outted all the time!" "He's probably just over valuing AQ!" "You checked flop and turn in the hopes of getting action. Now that you've got it you're just going to fold to a raise??" "The combos of hands he has that beat you are so thin! AA (3) QQ (3, and would he even bet QQ on the flop?) and maybe AT (3). Just call and whine about it if he has it!"

I eventually called and was told "good read" as he turned queens full over. No, not really, asking villain if he has one of the only value hands that beat you and then calling is not a good read. I learned that watching a different Daniel on TV. While there are only a small number of combos that has me beat here, there might literally be 0 that I beat. I don't think this villain ever has an airball (most villains won't but this one def won't imo). He's not raising AK, and even though I leveled myself into thinking so, he's probably not raising AQ. I have to find a fold here. I'm left with about 50K and my table breaks immediately.

Hand 2: I end up finding a very unorthodox double with AA. MP opens to 5200 at 2400BB. It folds to my BB and I squeeze AA with 37K (16BBs). In the past I'd normally just rip this in so as to be balanced with all my other shove hands in this spot. However, since going over a tourney review with a friend of mine (who coincidentally took 25% of my action in this tourney), I've been peeling BB more often with a sub 20BB stack. We also discussed flatting pre with aces when stacks are short since it's so deceptive and villains have to get stacks in pretty often if they too make a pair. It also now balances your defending range if you're going to defend wider. So I flat!
Flop (Pot around 13.5K): 975r. I check planning on just check shoving it in and he snap checks back.
Turn (13.5K): 975r 6x. This is pretty awkward now. I check and he chucks 10K out there quite quickly. I really don't know what to do now but I just decide if the man opened with an 8 or made a set then it's time to go home. I shove it in, he calls and turns over 2 pair lol (65s). So it wasn't an 8 or a set but I was drawing thin. The river is a 9 to counterfeit him and I am back over 70K.

Hand 3: It's about a half hour later and the guy who lost with the 65 shoves for 33K from EP. It folds to the guy on my right who snap calls verbally. I've played with this guy a few times before and he recently agonized over a 25BB shove before folding. Side note: Every time I've played with him I've said hi and he's said hi back, said he remembers me but not my name and then guesses Ben. Like he's guess Ben multiple times. It's pretty funny at this point.

Anyway, the way he called made me think he had a hand that he felt was better than the EP shover's range but wasn't a big hand itself. I think his verbal snap call was intended to dissuade people behind from reshoving or calling. So while I think my AQo was close in this spot readless, with this info I shoved my 77K in. He tanked a long time trying to get the exact count and all that and then eventually called with ATo. The shover had 54s. So just like that we've got a 100K+ main pot and an 88K side pot and I'm fading Ts 5s and 4s for all of it. If I lose to the 54 but fade 10s I'll have 88K and be peaking since the JT debacle. Flop comes T54 and now I'm drawing to 3 outs for the side pot. Dafuq!! Needed to fade Ts 5s and 4s and didn't fade any of them! I actually really enjoyed the tourney and felt much more comfortable than I normally do live, but playing 6 hours and busting like that (which is going to happen often of course since tournament poker has very high variance) just sucks. Props to the guys who grind the live game nonstop but it really is a pain in the ass.

The Online Grind

I went home and played online and it went very poorly. Lost over $700 in MTTs and about $100 in sngs. Combine that with the $280 of my own action from the live MTT and it was a 4 figure losing day. I once again got very down on myself at the end of it but since then have felt a lot better. A buddy of mine showed me a cool article that used driving up a mountain as a metaphor for poker swings that I really enjoyed. The important thing I noticed is that when I win and I look back at my play, when I see the things I did wrong I sort of shrug and don't beat myself up over them. But when I lose I get very upset at myself for the bad decisions. I'm being extremely results oriented, but in a different way than usual. In both cases I want to fix my mistakes. The difference is how I feel about those mistakes. When they work out I don't beat myself up over them. When I lose I get overly upset with myself. When I realized this I felt less bad about the losing session on Monday. I've got to learn to be easier on myself after losing days. I know I'm going to work hard, study, and try to improve regardless of results. But my mental game should not get bad just because I have a bad session.

Tuesday Through Now, and the Next Few Days

I hung out with Kelsey the last few days and she took the train home a couple hours ago. I didn't play at all on Tuesday but got a few sit n gos in yesterday while she worked on a paper. I ran really hot and had a $288 profit on $315 worth of buy ins. I also got $67.50 for 6th on the high leaderboard for last week which is a nice bonus. I played a little this morning and only cashed 1 out of 7 sngs played, losing about $100. Tonight I'm going to my friends' place and the 3 of us will look for apartments. Not sure if I mentioned it here but I was told they want to move into the new place ASAP rather than at the end of the year like I originally thought. So this move might be happening before the month is even over. I will soon be discovering if I have what it takes to be paying all of my own bills strictly by playing poker. I think I will be fine and I think the stress I get when thinking about doing this for a living comes more from thinking about taking care of a family in future years. As far as taking care of myself goes I think I'll be fine. Only time will tell. I'll be leaving for their place around 6 so I'll probably just hang out in the next couple of hours and play a few more sngs before heading out.