Hi everybody,

My SN is OldTimer, and I have over 30 years. After a lot of thinking I decided that I should write a blog/poker/life journey.

English is not my first language and if I do mistakes, I do apologize. I currently live in U.K and I do have a job.

I work 40 hrs a week to pay my bills and that's about it. Anyway, let's start from the beginning. I used to play poker tournaments for years, but I haven't been able to succeed in them, even if I loved the game and the feeling that the game provides, I never fulfilled my' 'dreams''.

All my failures in life and in poker were due to my alcoholism. I will try to keep the story short about myself and my never-ending fight with my addiction.

In the last couple of years, I haven't played seriously or studied the game. Last year in July I hit my rock bottom with my addiction towards alcohol, and I accepted that I am an alcoholic
and alcohol controls me and I cannot do anything about that, only thing is to stay sober for the rest of my life.

Years ago, I used to play a lot of online poker tournaments, and I believed that I had good results with some $6k-$4k wins, made a profit in that year in over 4k games in a year. It felt good at that time without realizing what problems I had with my addiction.

Almost every time, after winning something, I was always cashing out to party and drink, without having any financial discipline towards grinding online tournaments. Back then my mindset was to make some money and just have fun partying drinking and using drugs at some point, not to develop myself and develop my game.

I've done a bit of study in that period of time, but not sufficient to help my game, and I was not commited 100% towards poker.
After that year, I lost interest in playing poker and i was already hooked on partying drinking etc.

Two years ago i moved to U.K, because my financial situation was horrible and i had to do something with myself, but when i arrived here and start working, i was abusing alcohol and drugs more then i used to do it before.

I had a couple of tries with online poker , but the desire of drinking was much bigger then the desire of doing something with my life and my love for the game. Anyway i hit my rock bottom in July last year, after i tried so many time to stay sober, and it was ok, but i relapsed and i was drinking again.

When i hit rock bottom, i tought i will loose my life, if i continue to live like the way i was living. Like on a Friday, my ''breakfest'' was a couple of cans of beer and two lines of coke, it becamed a routine. When i hit my rock bottom a nd after i realised how serious my addiction was i decided to go to AA meetings.

Was the best thing that i had done in my life, and i stayed sober for about 3 months, I was already skipping AA meetings, but i had a healthy life style(running and i mean a lot of running, sleeping well, reading, eating healthy).

I was on a holiday back to my country after 1 year and a couple of months, and i relapsed again, I was drinking but not like i used to do it before, but i was DRINKING and it was the worst feeling ever, but somehow alcohol made me feel better in a way, controling me.

I decided one week before X-Mas, that i really need to stay sober because i will be on the same road again and i could loose myself and i will be another number add it to a statistic.

I was attending again AA meeting, but this time, i called for help and i got my self a therapist and everything from that point is working really well.

My relapsed experiences helped me to develop my routine and schedule and from my therapist the advice of having more hobby's to be add it to my everyday routine, so i included poker in my routine.

At the beginning of January this year, my best friend who is really into online poker grind, convinced me to play poker again, but this time while being sober , having a different mindset towards the game and my goals. I always asked myself, what my life, poker wise would have been , if i didn't had my drinking problem, and if I was commited to study and playing poker.

With this blog, i will try to see how my life it will be while playing poker and enjoying life by being sober.

Somewhere in the middle of January i had deposit around $70 on PartyPoker, and i started to grind as much as i could, then last month after i came from holiday(safe and not drinking at all) even went to a techno party lol.

I had bought some really good materials to study the game , and also i am currently doing 5hrs a week reviews and 5hrs of study.

Anyway to keep it short, because i am awfull in writing and saying my toughts, i will have small goals for this year.

1. This year i would like to run 765 miles.(last year i had about 350 miles in 5 months.)
2. Study, and review every week.
3. Play poker 3-4 days a week.
4. I haven't set a bankroll objective yet.
5. I will try to update this journey as much as i can(poker related/non related)
And the most important thing, to STAY SOBER.

Here is my graph, from when i started to play again and study.



Thank you for your time and good luck at the tables.

Oh and i almost forgot to add, that I have 76 days being sober.