Hello 2+2 people!

My name is Paul and I play online poker (not professionally) for over 8 years. I had few small successes, but mostly I tilt all the money away gambling in one way or the other (mostly HT HUSNG). Don't worry, I have a regular job, but recently my situation and future is not as bright as it used to be...

It's time to change this!

I've excluded myself from casinos and my other tilt-games and now I'm focused on the NL cash games. Used to play midstakes, but now I want to build my bankroll almost from scratch. I played some hands in September at NL10-25 and below is my giraffe:

Results look good, so I hope to keep the pace and somewhere in the middle of October I want to attack NL50. I will talk more about my goals in upcoming posts.

What's more as an introduction? You can expect often updates. I prefer to write many posts, but on separate topics, mostly but not always poker or poker related. As a threadsavers I will stick to girls and music

Sometimes I will write some of my rather unorthodox thoughts on mindset/self-improvement topic. ATM I hate (not really, but they kinda annoy me) all the coaches and I think they mostly sell BS, but well... thats only my view and I will try to defend it. Of course you can get a lot out of self-improvement & etc., but most people study it, read about it, pay for it; then they feel smart for a moment, and eventually they suck anyway and don't achieve the success and happiness.

So...my ultimate strategy and solution is to FOCUS! Especially in times of webbrowsers with millions of tabs, android, apps and multitasking all around. If you are playing poker right now - focus on it. Close this page. Don't think about other stuff, don't browse, don't use messenger or anything else...
Don't want to write really long intro, so I leave it for further posts.

As some of you may already noticed - English is not my mother tongue.

I was born in cool 80's, so for a good start, here is the opening song:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELRR7rPDvh0
(apparenlty, IDK how to add yt video)
Good luck at the tables!

First session of the month, good result, bad mindset and tilt.


I hate new chest reward system on P*. For many years I was dreaming about grinding SNE - now it's impossible. I was not ready for it at the beginning of 2017, but maybe next year I could...

So, currently I have to enjoy chests and sometimes cardmatch. The aforementioned has already rewarded me with maximal prize, so I kinda like it. And thats why it is dangerous for me. I slightly bend my BRM rules (don't do this!) and run through few limits in order to bink cardmatch. Unfortunately, today no cigarettes. The session was annoying and I played most hands on NL100, way underrolled. I think I have like ~1bb/100, maybe more if I play my A game. But this is not a justification for breaking BRM rules. I will most likely keep doing this, but try to avoid other forms of tilt or bad gambling behaviour. And good thing is, that I'm honest about it over here.



I have to find out the best method to put some HH here, so the thread gonna have some strategic content as well.

I need to be careful and avoid tilt right know. I know this or creep is lurking, getting closer and closer to my sould and BR, waiting patiently for my bad move...

As +8 years online poker player - I should be "protected from tilt". I am...almost... I don't get too mad, I don't play really bad when I tilt. My B and C games are pretty good. I can play long hours keeping my A game, too. But sometimes I like to take way too big shots. Or chase my loses. To be honest, its probably combination of few factors. When I play HU really high for my BRM, my heart beats really strong, I'm pumped, super focused and overall feeling is great. I don't feel it if I play regular stakes. I sometimes miss that excitement of play I had 8 years ago, when I sat down to the online felt to play first hands of poker.

Good old times.

The feeling of playing high is even better when you win. Too many times I felt so proud of myself when I had a big score by doubling limits until I win. That's so ugly, especially as I know it is really bad approach and losing strategy. Shame on me.

The feeling is real nightmare, when I lose it all. The bankroll is decimated, can't sleep the rest of the night. Inferno that never ends. How many times I told to myself it is the last time?

But each time so far, I learned a lesson. The pity thing is right after gambling away most of my bankrolls, here come the great days of my best game a me being solid pokerplayer. I play a lot, A game, within BRM, superfocused. I keep such state for about 1-2 weeks and rebuild my roll. Then I stop working so hard, results are slowly going down, focus is moving away. You probably know by now what are the next steps. It's like a inifinite circle. A trap I can't escape.

Maybe I add too much drama to the above story. It sounds a little bit like Im a degen who needs help. Hope I dont

But ATM I'm in the great phase when I still play and run good and I've rebuilt all my previous losses and now I'm up a little bit compared to previous maximum on my BR indicator.

The problem is, this is the moment where my focus and perfect work ethic go away for a beer. Or two. Or...

So the current task is to keep focus and pace. Grind a lot, solid A game and don't gamble too much. Actually, right now I can only play up to NL200 (which is too high for my current BRM). I've excluded myself from higher games. NL200 is allowed because of this week promo on stars, I had to go for it. But right now I'll stick to grinding CardMatch and rest of the volume on NL25.

Away from poker I have a pretty busy week. Weekend, there is nice drum and bass party in the town, so I planning to have a day off, so the first half of October not gonna be high-volume.

Finally, time to test if I can put here a hh:

PokerStars Zoom, Hold'em No Limit - $0.50/$1.00 - 6 players
Replay this hand on Pokeit

UTG: $297.45 (297 bb)
MP: $54.12 (54 bb)
CO: $61.16 (61 bb)
BU: $135.46 (135 bb)
SB: $119.99 (120 bb)
BB (Hero): $107.84 (108 bb)

Pre-Flop: ($1.50) Hero is BB with J 4
4 players fold, SB raises to $3, Hero calls $2

Flop: ($6) 2 6 4 (2 players)
SB bets $5.70, Hero calls $5.70

Turn: ($17.40) 4 (2 players)
SB bets $8.27, Hero calls $8.27

River: ($33.94) K (2 players)
SB bets $16.12, Hero calls $16.12

Total pot: $66.18 (Rake: $2.50)

Showdown:
SB shows T T (two pair, Tens and Fours)
(Equity - Pre-Flop: 69%, Flop: 79%, Turn: 5%, River: 0%)

BB (Hero) shows J 4 (three of a kind, Fours)
(Equity - Pre-Flop: 31%, Flop: 21%, Turn: 95%, River: 100%)

BB (Hero) wins $63.68

Definitely on autopilot. Right now I think I should raise river(turn?), but not sure about the sizing. Played scary and only called. Any thoughts?

...just when new downswing attacks, PokerStars supports me with my biggest chest so far:


Wish me luck during the weekend battles and I hope to provide a better report on late Sunday.

Average weekend. To be honest - I'm not happy with it.
The whole week and month since I start a blog looks like this:


Definitely second half is around tilt and C-game. I managed somehow to run over EV and finish this period in green but I could definitely do better. That's the plan for incoming week. Better quality game, higher volume.

So what was the reason, what failed? Tough week at work - poor excuse. But it was really a Thursday where I had to drink a ton of coffee, was feeling nervous and disturbed. Add the cardmatch promo and my strong urge to chase losses on higher limits - and here we are. I allow myself to play higher only to finish this stupid promo. Then I supposed to play NL25z. However when my run on NL100 goes bad, I usually stay there for a while. As I mentioned earlier - I have a positive wr there, so it is not a tragedy, but I know it is also not the right way to go if I want my poker career to go a little bit more pro. Watching the twitch while grinding is my other serious leak. But PH vs Tonka match was real fun.

Current plans for incoming week and rest of October:
- high volume at NL25,
- move to NL50 (need like 20 BI more),
- study hard,
- take notes.

The study hard part is actually one of my best side. I like doing the lab work. I watch tons of videos (mainly RIO right now). I use some software tools, however ATM I think I don't need it that hard yet. I should be able to get to NL100 without hours in PIO, I hope. So, right now mainly watching RIO NL videos - about to finish all Erazer videos, then I'm jumping to ishter11.

Taking notes is more annoying. Every session I mark about 10-20 hands to take down precise notes. Usually, right after session I'm not in the mood to do this. Then I usually move HH analisys to the weekend. Then I drink/party/whatever and then... This is work I definitely have to do. It is important, I know. My logic brain understand this. Unfortunately, I always prefer another video, watching twitch or something lazy.

Are there Sara Underwood fans? She played some poker, right?

Really bad week.


Around Tuesday I got sick. Didn't play well and didn't grind the volume. But somehow managed to not lose too much money. Then the stars promotions got me this time. First of all, grinding promo on NL200 went really bad. Then it was followed by running below ev on NL100. Bankroll was demolished and at one point I had to move down to NL10. Somehow managed to grind some back, but I'm still far from good. Too much tilt, too much gambling because of these promos. Bleh.

On the plus side, other stuff is going well. Managed to somehow consistently review HHs and update notes. Training with ishter's videos is going well. Somehow I feel good about my game at small stakes and I keep positive consistent winrate on NL25, so I want to stick to this level and grind as much as possible. NL50 is the target for November, but only if I start growing my roll and not throw all the money away chasing cardmatch or other bs promos.

When losing it is never easy to write a lot, so I will end this post right now in couple of days I will write about one of my favourite disctraction from the grind ATM

Quick update - solid comeback yesterday!

#nevergiveup #hourofpower

...and I'm very happy about the volume. I don't know why is it "easier" to play when losing? Any mindset specialist?

Today I need a lot of luck to survive the NL200 ring game challenge. I don't want to decimate my bankroll again, but I can't miss this opportunity as it is quite some value to get from P*. So....if I will not post anything till weekend - then, the challenge went terribly bad

Bad, worse, Pauler.

The challenge went bad. Not that bad. Mainly due to EV. If I stick to this devil curve, I would be up. However I run like sh.t @200z and lost some. Made it back soon, and then again straight to the bottom...

The Cardmatch is definitely the promo I overvalued as my supporting factor. In past, I apparently hit it pretty well, couple of times winning max value in short period of time. Since it is on recently, I'm getting 2bb all the time on every stake I attack this. Bleh. No more play for this. Too risky, too tilting for me, and there is not enough value.

Yesterday I dropped many BIs and now I need a good plan to recover. I will either stick to 10/25z or play some reg tables. Usually they are easier and less mentally exhaustive. If I play solid, grind solid lower stakes I can recover before november and then try to shoot 50z+, again. Till that time I will stay away from chasing cardmatch at 100z and other brm ugly ideas.

So for the rest of October, I will stick to regularly posting updates on my small stakes (probably ZOOM but I might spend few nights on reg tables).

Main target - grind back recent loses. No exact number, but I need a comfy bankroll for 50z shooting. Few more BI's to grind than I lost, because of cashout, but I think I need it to stay low stakes, and produce a graph like in my OP, instead of sine wave function and pumping tilt juices into veins.

First recovery session booked on plus side but the winnings should be twice as big, according the EV line. The whole week is sh.t and its not looking like it supposed to change.


But if I keep today's focus, pace and ev wr, then eventually I reach at least a small victory.

Come say hi if you read it. Maybe a simple GL will help me next time?

I've never played at such stakes but it seems like you get yourself into trouble by chasing the promos rather than just grinding it out and beating the games.

I don't know the value of these promos but it seems to go against the "macropatience" - as set out in your mission statement.

@ABdeVilliers Thank you for your comment. Yes, you 100% right. I'm struggling with it. I like to play higher. And I really enjoy it. Sometimes long grind on regular stakes feels boring. Thousands of hands, steady pace... no gamble, no emotions. The problem is probably because on one hand I want to keep pro approach, and it is necessary to have some sort of success in poker. On the other, I want to enjoy it, the way rec players are having fun.

I remember Bill Perkins once said something about what is fun in poker - hitting unlikely draw, winning with bad hand, flipping, bluffing...

I know it is difficult to connect both sides of the coin in a reasonable way. Still looking for a balance and I know, the equilibrium has to be shifted strongly toward the solid, calm, regular grind, rather than spewing left and right.

The macropatience is the keyword stolen from GaryVee ofc. Not sure how I feel about it, when related to poker. I don't have big difficulties with patience, the higher stakes gamble is more for the reasons I described above. I am patient. I play poker for over 8 years, still calmly grinding low stakes (with some small bumps). But we are all aware that the game is changing. Couple of years ago I was winning a lot playing the great game of PLO. High variance, but high winrate as well. Easy money, just printing. I assumed it's gonna be like that forever. But the reality is different. I should work and try harder in the past. I should work hard now. If I have my technical and theoretical skills of NL Holdem 5 years ago, I'd probably highroll the Macau ATM.
I was playing slow, patiently grinding roll. I should have probably lock in a room for a year and grind hard and fast 10h/day.

Therefore, there are local problems where MacroPatience is not the best strategy, however globally I definitely agree. I'm a big fan of longevity, increasing life expectancy, singularity etc. and I hope I will be able to grind cards for many many years.

I wish all of you many years with cards (and in good health). It is a great game. But remember about a "fun" component of it. Sometimes it's good to have fun.

Weekend grind - proper A game.


No chasing of stupid promos, no gambling. I need more of this. Just steady, solid grind. Volume should be higher, but there were some non-poker side-events, so I had to sitout for a while.

I need to keep my focus on it and don't let other poker devils take over my soul. Last week of October can be essential. Im not able close this month in green with bare winrate. But if I include the NL200+ challenges where I hit about 500$, then there is small chance for break even or better. Well, that actually should not matter. I don't want to dig out of hole at all cost.

Just keep grinding like today.

Finally, some run good. Well played for most of the last week and here is giraffe:

There was small gambling involved as I couldn't let the 200z promo to pass in front of me, won there and won 200$ as a bonus.

There were two days last week I played only couple of hands, because of some music events I participated. Therefore the volume is pretty average, but I'm happy I did not spew as usual. Well, it was pretty common for me to play some bad late night poker after couple of beers/shots, so it is definitely on my list of improvements toward more professional approach. So, this time I can add it to my small wins against tilt and bad gambling habits. Let's keep this attitude.

Tomorrow I will shortly recap October and later on I will write some plans for November.

Cheers

My Halloween session turned into real horror


Jinxed myself after posting good results from previous week. Now, all the profit gone and I'm sitting again like a zombie with a decimated bankroll. Not a good setting for a new month.

Especially, that November is my least favorite month. What can I do about this whole mess....

First of all, improving my BRM skills is the main goal. I know, how can I have problems with it after gambling for over 8 years? True. I'm bad. The solution seems to be very easy. I have a solid winrate up to 50z, just stick to low stakes for a little bit longer time and "everything gonna be alright"

There are five weeks in Nov, so I will try do the following challenge. As a warmup and punishment for lack of discipline;
- 1st week 1-5 Nov - grind NL5
- 2nd week - grind NL10
- 3nd week - grind NL16
- 4nd week - grind NL25
- 5nd week - grind NL50

This is not obligatory plan. If I struggle for a week on a certain level - I will keep playing it for another one. But I will be happy to record a good winrate on each level and jump into NL50 pool for good in December. So that's the plan. I will be happy if you follow my road in this rainy gray November.

As a bonus, my biggest pot from October. I wish my BR is as big as this one. Good ol' times

First week of November kinda good.


Grinded few stacks which is good. I allowed myself to play few hands above NL5 to try catch higher cardmatch, but there was no real gambling or BRM violation, so I think I can move on with a smile to start a good new week

In terms of poker education I'm somewhere in the middle of ishter's RIO videos.

I also spend a lot of time on Twitch recently. Sometimes it's ok, I like watching cash games, especially when adam001 streams 500z - really quality content for cash games players. However, I need to be careful, as I probably waste to much time on Twitch. It's kinda lazy and comfortable way to waste lot of time pretending you do something smart/valueable.

I have also tried to grind + watch streams, but this is nut low option for me. Definitely against my microFocus approach.

If there are some techno fans out there - I recommend to check out sets from that young lady - Charlotte de Witte. I guess I fall in love



Have a nice week

Writing takes some time. I hoped it will be a little bit easier for me and unfortunately I struggle. Lot of annoying non-poker stuff in my life all around but it's poor excuse. Will try to get better and write better and more often.

After this short writer's cry, let's take a look at monthly update:


Graph look OKish. I made one mistake gambling on NL100 zoom for Prague promo and it cost me a lot. Almost grinded it out in terms of $$$, still few BI's missing but I'm on the right track.

My current biggest success right now is that I don't care at all about cardmatch and mostly stick to my designated stakes and I don't watch MTTs twitch streams while grinding Simple small things but important anyway.

I need to grind higher volume anyway. ATM between NL5 - NL25 I have like 7bb/100 hands which is great. Thinking right now how and when attack 50z. Probably December, but who knows. If next week I continue a good run, then my BR is kinda rebuilt and ready for shooting 50's. Guess I need to remove that "MacroPatience" coz I'm doing almost everything against it.

Finishing ishter RIO videos, soon I move to innerpsy. Not my favourite videos but I like his streams from 500z, although recently he is mostly in red if I have a correct impression. Still a lot of value and knowledge for me; moreover from time to time he has some interesting analysis in solver and I need to start using it as well.

This week its time for NL16 and main focus is on increasing a volume. Except for Friday - where I have some party hard planned already.

Zoom is cool for long sessions in my opinion. I can always easily make a sitout for a short break. Usually I reload a cup of tea, do some pushups and browse few pages here and there. This week, except for one day, I don't have to wake up early, so it might work out , and I will pull off couple of late night long grind poker. Let's see...

Not another "graph" post...

I have just noticed that so far I keep putting post with a giraphe, a little bit of post/pre-grind cry and ugly talk about (not)running after the promos. That is definitely not what I assumed to do, when I was starting this blog. So... no graph today.



Sharon seems to be better than my best graph. Always

So today I want to complain about my high variance love with MTTs. I had some luck in good ol' times and binked one small stakes, big field tourney. My best poker day ever - both considering profit and emotions. However the 'technical' joy from playing good poker MTT is really poor compared to cash games. Therefore, I'm kinda torn apart all the time...

Once every now and then, especially when there is big MTT series like WCOOP or SCOOP, I'm very tempted to play MTTs. I definitely prefer to focus only on one form of poker, perfect it, and then maybe for fun... but I don't want to switch back and forth between cash and MTTs. How to solve this problem?

To be honest, I'm not even able to find what is possible ROI and earnings when you are solid MTT grinder. There are cash games players who show solid winrates on big samples. At least I know what is possible, what I can reach when I grind and study hard. With MTTs? Kinda uncertain for me. People are stacking/stacked - I don't know why - if you are winning, why do you give your profit away? Is really variance the reason? Play more MTTs? There are a lot of rumors, that twitch streamers playing MTTs are not winning that well. There is a thread by old time MTTs grinder:
https://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/6...t-itt-1691128/
talking also about MTT games being tougher. Not encouraging opinions.

On the other side, there are some arguments supporting MTTs. Probably less rake to pay compared to the money you are expected to win. No table selection, bumhunting etc. More recreational players as everybody want to win big poker tournament...

I want to win as well. I did it once. Why not win another one?

Yesterday - Sunday Funday, evening. I decided to open two MTTs. Lost 4 coinflips in a row. Out. Out. Tilt.

Jumped into some cash games, grinded back the BIs and some more. Happy face. At least for a while.

For a while, because I still want to play live MTTs in future, win some online. But I don't want to switch right now into MTTs. I think most of my poker skills and understanding of the game come from cash games. It is common opinion that cash games are good postflop and this is the reason some cash games sharks are doing well in MTTs.

I don't know how to solve this "problem". PIO solver is not going to help me there. No solution at the moment - leave it for a while. I guess I have to take this approach and focus on cash games. Recently improved my game a lot. If I progress at the current rate and do not spew or tilt too much then NL100/NL200 zoom is in my range for the spring of 2018. 500z - summer? Seems doable, but I know it is very tough and don't want to make such a bold statement that im there in half a year.

The bad thing is im gonna play some annoying MTTs in the meantime and lose couple of days of solid cash grind, no matter what.

But one day I'm gonna bink again

BUSTO

I give up, really....

Since I have started this blog, bad things going all the time. I miss my graph from OP. How did I manage to draw it? Feels unreal for me ATM.

All the time, over 1,5 month I was running kinda breakeven. I keep crushing NL25. I go higher, get serious beating and I regrind lower. Sometimes trying too much to catch cardmatch, which BTW probably has way worse probabilities than some previous editions. I remember hitting max twice in one week and total I had it 3. I get 2$ every time I finish it on NL100.

Doesn't matter. I stopped chasing this ugly promo. Grinding since last post solid AF, no tilt etc. but got two minidownswings. Well that happens. Decided to keep my std limit till end of month; place where I have 8bb/100h ev and still the same sh@%#$:


Don't want to cry too much. But it is never easy to look on the dark side of variance and think what could be if I land on the other side. Oh well...

Tomorrow, I reload and keep solid grind. My current hope is that I eventually run around my EV on my regular stakes and rebuild roll till EOY. I really want to show a good graph at end of December - something similar to that one from original post. Lets keep the finger crossed.

following

Thank you for the follow

Reloaded, after short break, fresh mind, ready for action. FOCUSED. Wish me luck and good mindset today.

Will try to report sometime between Sat-Sun how things are going.

37 days left in 2017. Let's make it counts.

good luck

Finally I can report some green


Start of the session was painful. I was pretty sure things are going red pretty hard.

After an hour of grind I guess I was finally feeling more 'aggro'. It is often during a losing period/downswing/etc I start a new session kinda passive/slow. Maybe it is a lack of confidence during tough times. That is probably how i lost my first few BIs yesterday. Sometimes you just get a good hand in a right spot and start a session with an early profit. Then it boosts your confidence, turns you on and rest of the session is smooth sailing upwards. However, sometimes you just play okish, but get coolered in few standard spots and then some tilt juice in your veins starts to flow.

Fortunately, yesterday I managed to turn the tide. Somewhere in the middle of the sesh I have started to sun-run and was winning every hand left and right. The two stacks dropped near the end were KK < AA and top boat vs quads, so nothing I could do. But it somehow interfered with me suddenly feeling tired and I wisely quit the session booking well needed results.

Current microplan: Solid grind on my current stakes till end of Nov. No shots, no gamble. It is still possible to break even the month.

Few hands from session:

Biggest won pot - good backdoors and fun river:


Trapping with AA preflop with limping fish:



Fish vs fish (not happy about the play):

Another good session booked.

However, I'm not sure if I'm completely happy about it. Right now, obviously winning $$ is most important for me, especially during a bad month; but the bad thing is I played really small volume.

Let me quickly break down what happened. First of all I got (again) distracted by twitch. I love it No question about it. And it wastes a lot of my time. But I still love it. I was a little bit angry, when I missed Lex Raszi stream from Thursday, when he booked a nice win. Yesterday, he had a nice result in 550$ BB and I decided to watch it. Of course most streams overlap with my grinding hours, which in result has a little bit of negative impact on my play.

So, the idea was that I watch a stream on one screen and play 6 reg tables instead of zoom, on the other one. Reg tables are softer, need less attention. I can simply solid nit there and have a nice profit. Well, and actually that is the story. After 2 hours I was 2 BIs up, almost variance free, without tough spots. Cool bro, but... I had to manage the tables a lot. Keeping 6 reg tables is not that easy, if you played ZOOM 99% of time for last couple of years/millions of hands. Waiting lists, table breaking, regs, nits, russians in the chat... At one point I had a nice result, few tables broke at the same time and in consequence I decided to close all tables. Short break and then what...? The stream was still on fire, and I want to play as well.

So I decided to follow one simple trick from one of my favourite cash game streamer - adamm001; I opened one instance of zoom table.

OMG, what a great idea. Seriously.

At first, I thought it gonna be boring, but with stream, my compulsive-ADHD-mutlitasking mind can handle slow pace of action and decisions. No worries. That was not the case. I was really, really focused on that one table. Started to use HUD extremely intense. Marked lot of people in pool. Each hand I deeply identified all players, positions, their stats, leaks, notes etc. It was way better poker than when I quickly almost autopilot 4 tables. Really enjoyed it. Moreover, the results were great as well. Maybe a good run - I don't know, 1k sample is not a sample for solid conclusions. But I really enjoyed it, and for sure played better.

So what should I do about it. It is very likely I have higher winrate/h one-tabling. But still 4 tabling zoom is better in hourly winrate. Need to think about it a little bit more. Probably I will stick to 4 tables most time, but from time to time I will do such focused sesion, and for sure next shots I will take starting with 1-tabling zoom.

It's Sunday. Lot of MTT streams ahead, so I will probably follow the same routine and watch + 1 table zoom? But in case of boring streams, 4 tables are the way to go.

Have a bloody Sunday grind

Are you from Belgium? Bcz charlotte de witte is.

I know she is from Belgium. I am not. But I really like a good techno.

Been to Belgium once, and I returned very happy with a backpack full of bottles with exceptional beer. Did not meet the Belgian Techno Queen, thou. Maybe next time.

Cheers!