Damn you got me at the start, I was happy to open the thread up and see you'd been crushing.

Regarding the 9-5 stuff, I've neither the skill nor desire to play poker for a living but to me at least the 9-5 isn't so bad, especially if you can find something you're passionate about. With a 9-5 you know you have guaranteed income and can limit poker to being purely a hobby you play whenever you feel like it that brings in $x p/h of fun money.

I also don't think I've seen anything on 2p2 I've related to as much as your Jekyll/Hyde part, I'm always so motivated to crush on all fronts in the evening and often the complete opposite come morning.

Guy with 68o was probably playing any borderline playable hands because of who was on your right.

haha i wish yeah agree with you there and it's maybe something worth trying out for me. the thought of being able to sleep in on a sunday and just be able to have a clear head and just do normal human stuff would be cool. i don't want to hate so much on poker and it's tough to not become a bit pessimistic during these types of runs but this game can really consume you if you aren't careful about it. i'm thinking shaking things up is a pretty viable option for me atm, nothing has to be permanent though!

glad to hear you can relate haha. i find it helps to get the gym out of the way first thing as a priority and that makes the whole day better by osmosis. (insert self help bs about win the morning win the day here).

haha yeah, I could definitely get on board for peeling button with like ~75% of hands there against said villain (if we're thinking of the same one)...implied odds increase quite a bit when in position vs said player. Didn't say it was bad although I'd shut down flop quicker than Negreanu at a "more rake is bad" convention. (Wish I had like some hooker joke or something to insert there, like: I'd shut down flop quicker than a hooker at a...insert funny scenario here).

Anyways, nice playing and hope the rest of the session treated you well!

------------------------

Quick little update here as I need to be in bed very soon. My friend bought this apartment building in another city and has been stuck with all these trashbag scum tenants so he's had to lay down the law and boot their asses out of there. What's been left is a tonne of ridic damages and trash so gonna lend a helping hand tomorrow to help clean it up and provide some muscle if these skids decide to get hostile

About time I start gearing up for the annual fallsview classic in Niagara which is like insanely good EV. Have went super deep in events last 3 years there and I think it's important to get my head on straight and get motivated for it. Ideally will be in a good spot to fire all the events and bit of cash games during the lull points. Let's see if I can dig up a few hands:

https://www.boomplayer.com/29995236_824DFE5F92
Only reason I opened was because 2 players after me were sitting out, so it was effectively like a cutoff open. Kinda leads to a weird spot on the flop as we have a hand that can go 3 streets for value and also a lot of run outs we can have a lot of bluffs. Think betting flop is probably best, I like check raising a little less because we block the villains continue range quite a bit. Perhaps check calling is ok too? River is pretty gross and I think it's a mandatory value bet to target hands like JT/T8/AJ/88/66. When he jams population is like almost never bluffing here and every gut feeling told me this. In game I said "maybe he's good enough to realize I'm pretty capped and don't have flushes here" "maybe he floated like KhQx and has a really good blocker to bluff with"....nahhh these nits just always have it, don't be like me and find good exploit folds guys.

https://www.boomplayer.com/29972162_95AC7B7980
villain was an idiot and 3 betting like almost every time i opened lol. pre flop is probably mandatory peel vs this sizing. I think I missed a value/protection bet on flop? as played though i think rest of hand is standard?

https://www.boomplayer.com/29971661_FC70FC4982
Can we do anything else here? Turn is the nut worst in the deck, but still we have to jam for thin-ish value?

https://www.boomplayer.com/29970440_3D18AC380B
To go with the theme of just pots where I got owned, here's another one. I mean, we kind of have a great bluffing candidate here especially on this river card. Sucks when we open from the BTN that our range is way wider and a lot more bluff heavy than if we opened from MP or something. Population is pretty sticky in these spots though and probably doesn't fold Ax or JT so possibly warrants a shut down...idk what y'all think?

PEACE

h1 sure we wont be betting too much on this texture but AQ+ wants to bet for sure considering that btn should have all AsX. i'm minding the sizing for a bit since they'll gonna call Ax and FDs vs close to any sizing, i'd just go larger already OTF. rest of the hand im playing the same, maybe ocasionally folding river vs raise

h2 i like how u played.

h3 so ugly turn. preflop is pretty close, think I'd rather call and 3bet some of the KTs KJs KQs but I obv dont mind the 3b, though our 3b sizing is pretty bad,would go bigger, 3,8x+. i'd go smaller only if btn is opening 60+. im checking turn and praying for checkback, our line just looks so ***** strong think they might find some folds w Q8 and we block Q9 KQ so thats no good tbh. seems super thin to jam it considering all the FD combos in his range, especially NFDs. also he has most of the 2p otf that now turned boats, even offsuited combos

h4 expecting him to fold A8 is pretty optimistic and him folding JT otr is science fiction. i think having Kh is pretty bad for bluffing river, would probably giveup and bluff lower FDs like 67 68 etc

hey man, long time reader, though not sure if I've ever posted here

I was in a very similiar spot in 2017, after 6 years of being an online poker pro (and a few before of being a poker enthusiast). I decided to quit playing poker for a living and, while it didn't exactly solve all my problems, it was definietly the right decision for me. I started 9-5 job at the beginning of 2018, after few months of searching, and while it is kinda boring at times, the rigid structure and sense of belonging it provides is really valuable.

I still play some live poker for fun, but I havent played a hand of online poker in over a year and Im pretty happy about it. So, yeah, I can tell you that the transition to a "real life" job is easier than it seems, so if you're not feeling it, you should consider quitting. Though, obviously, everyone is wired differently, so what works for some might not work for others.

@nomalice: first of all GG sir wp and ul. if you're wondering that one big pot we played I had KK your reads are for the most part correct although occasionally i would find some bluff if I was feeling frisky.

Thanks for all your thoughts on the hands and I mostly agree other than the 1st hand imo we can just fold river vs. these nitregs who literally just always have it lol. obviously if we're playing the baron or something river is a snap. Last hand I'm also not certain that we shouldn't be bluffing river, if he floats JT he also prob floats J9 or i've even seen much wider but yeah don't expect to be generating many folds etc especially when we open from BTN so maybe Kxhh is a give up

@tutejszy: thanks man I appreciate the post a lot. Every once in a while someone tells me they're a long time lurker etc which is nice to hear that people come back for more of this **** occasionally

Your situation does sound pretty similar to mine in regards to time lines. It's nice to hear that you had a positive experience with it and tbh I really think I would as well. Even when I was just working at walmart through high school I was a pretty happy guy and I think I could find good peace with a daily routine which feels a bit more regular and less stressful. In times I can be totally honest with myself those days working @ walmart were some of my best lol and I was probably more happy then when I lived pay cheque to pay cheque off 11$ an hour as opposed to many times when I had heaps liquid and was doing everything I wanted to in poker.

I do have a few potential job prospects and 1 or 2 which would snap hire me based on internship there a few years ago+another a friend has some nice pull with hiring and could give a super solid reference. Not really rushing into anything just yet though but it's something I've given massive consideration

Again, don't want to be negative Negreanu about poker here as I'm so thankful for everything the game has taught me and what I've achieved. Just feels I'm not growing as much as I could be anymore in an industry that appears to be dying on top of balancing physical and mental health! My relationship with poker reminds me of perhaps a toxic relationship with an ex gf...you love each other but maybe you just aren't a good match...or maybe I do love this game and if you love something you should pursue it?

Couple hands for the late night lurkers here:

https://www.boomplayer.com/30004935_9B516147A0
This hand was pretty hood against a competent reg and in hindsight I don't like my line really. The turn I told myself "we're running this on basically all rivers", then this weird af river comes and I started to think I can have a heap of bluffs here so maybe I can go for thin value against Tx...kinda merging my range and I wouldn't bluff with this sizing hardly ever. WP him and think he played his hand well by checking turn as he protects his checking range/this card is better for me than him/this card i will barrel heaps. Probably should have just checked but I was feelin' maself ya know?

https://www.boomplayer.com/30004862_F520487781
vs crife1 who is imo on the nitty side. this was on FT and we can probably pick this one apart, probably x/c turn, probably just fold pre flop, probably sigh call river as played or bet/fold it. Just a really weird spot and I told myself to start trusting my instincts more...if I think they're massively under bluffing I don't gaf how high I am in my range or how good my blockers are etc I just hit fold. Villain told me great fold in chat which I'm fairly sure is sincere cuz I offered him some money if he could show me a hand that lost to 22

That's all I got for y'all now. Feel free to berate the hands and tell me what I did wrong, in fact I'd appreciate it. GLGL

did you ship it?

btw what u think about my K8 play when i x c twice on KQxxdd ? reeeaally struggled w that one, i dont hate my play but i dont love it either since i think you're gonna take more passive line w most of your draws unless smt super strong like JTdd ATdd? it seemed like best bluffcatching combo of mine OTT but still folding is pbb what i should have done. if u're uncomfortable sharing here send me pm we can discuss some hands on skype etc, im gonna be playin that shift this month

nahh short stack spins up 3 bbs obv into heaps then i can't win 2 big all ins

yeah in regards to your K8 hand your logic is exactly correct. in a vaccuum it's theoretically a great bluff catcher if I'm bluffing at proper frequencies (you aren't blocking any bluffs). however, on FT i think I'm likely underbluffing the spot and believe only combo draws would play this way and other draws I might even just check flop or bet take an alternative line for ICM reasons. so yeah, theoretically it's fine and probably still makes some money or breaks even, exploitatively prob just fold turn imo

also on a side tangent I think losing that all in really hurt your stack utility which is pretty important for FTs and getting bounties which might be another merit for folding. either way im a nit though and ul

Finally got some concrete and objective numbers this morning at the gym.

After my workout and fasted this morning clocked in @ 259 lbs. which was actually a little bit surprising because I remember right before I abandoned everything and went full degen over the Xmas holidays and until the new year I was around ~262 or something. To be honest I was expecting to have put on at least 10 lbs. because I haven't been watching the diet. I guess gyming semi-regularly and eating a tiny bit cleaner has helped me break even.

By the way I'm not talking like I should be happy about being 259 lbs. when I'm 5'11 but at my biggest a few years ago I was pretty close to 300 lbs. lol. I told the guy who hosts local game that if I'm not under 250 lbs. by April 1st I'll donate a 200$ high hand to his game.

Anyways, I'm happy I didn't put on too much damage during this last ~6 weeks of abandoning diet and moderate amounts of gym. It feels like I've been leaning up a little bit and I can notice strength improvements/energy level improvements. It's time to buckle down though and get down to about 220 lbs. I'm going to set that as my goal weight for the end of 2019.

Time for a big session in the pokerz and I get the feeling I'm winning something today. Might come in later with a few hands/rants/brags or something...let's see how she goes.

----------------------------

Home
A place where I can go
To take this off my shoulders
Someone take me home
Home
A place where I can go
To take this off my shoulders
Someone take me home
Someone take me
Look, I didn't power through the struggle
Just to let a little trouble, knock me out of my position
And interrupt the vision
After everything I witnessed, after all of these decisions
All these miles, feets, inches
They can't add up to the distance
That I have been through, just to get to
A place where even if there's no closure, I'm still safe
I still ache from trying to keep pace
Somebody give me a sign, I'm starting to lose faith
Now tell me, how did all my dreams turn to nightmares?
How did I lose it when I was right there?
Now I'm so far that it feels like it's all gone to pieces
Tell me why the world never fights fair
I'm trying to find
Home
A place where I can go
To take this off my shoulders
Someone take me home
Home
A place where I can go
To take this off my shoulders
Someone take me home (it's been a long time coming)
Someone take me
Home, home
Home, home
Someone take me
Home, home
Home, home
Look, I been through so much pain
And it's hard to maintain, any smile on my face
'Cause there's madness on my brain
So I gotta make it back, but my home ain't on the map
Gotta follow what I'm feeling to discover where it's at
I need the (memory)
In case this fate is forever, just to be sure these last days are better
And if I have any (enemies)
To give me the strength to look the devil in the face and make it home safe
Now tell me, how did all my dreams turn to nightmares?
How did I lose it when I was right there?
Now I'm so far that it feels like it's all gone to pieces
Tell me why the world never fights fair
I'm trying to find
Home
A place where I can go
To take this off my shoulders
Someone take me home
Someone take me
I found no cure for the loneliness
I found no cure for the sickness
Nothing here feels like home
Crowded streets, but I'm all alone
I found no cure for the loneliness
I found no cure for the sickness
Nothing here feels like home
Crowded streets, but I'm all alone (someone take me)
Home, home
Take me home
Home, home, take me home
Someone take me
Home, home (someone, someone, no place like home)
Home, home
(Someone take me)

My feeling about winning something yesterday was actually correct The day started out stuck a pile and was brick city until I started getting deep everywhere. Got sucked out for a ladder/chip lead/piles of chips first hand of the hot 44 and then was sorta card dead until finishing around 6th or something. Ran deep in a few more then won the 55 8 max prog (the one I got 3rd in the other night). Humble tourney but hey, a win is a win. Winning day is a winning day.

https://www.boomplayer.com/30020283_7032489554
from what I now know this guy was most likely a dolt. However, do you ever get the feeling that when they snap check the river in these spots often they have some type of showdown value and don't intend to fold? It's also not like they had a bluff and intended to give up. So yeah, I didn't really think he was folding and I didn't really think I beat anything so decided to run the river...good blocker and a spot I can have heaps of nut hands or just jams for thin value (over pairs with a spade usually or AJ/KJ). Shoud have just trusted my instincts which is a mindset that seems to be helping lately. This time I didn't and he snapped rive and I felt like an idiot, wp genius.

https://www.boomplayer.com/30019912_DA282692F6
basically the same thing as above vs bad brazillian reg. KJo is like the nut worst hand to peel a 3 bet with in this spot imo but who knows he's the genius. felt uneasy about bluffing river and inkling that I wasn't getting many folds but tried it anyways and paid the price.

---------

Might play a little tonight not sure yet. Will get some more thorough post in here one of these nights when I got some time. Time has been pretty heavily occupied as of late.

^ Not liking the first hand you tried to bluff with. 2nd one is fine, unlucky to run into top of range.

That guy's call with JT is quite good in practice. They way this hand plays out you get to the river with so many naked As and Ks that it's very easy to overbluff. Also most players are not capable of thin value jamming top pair in that spot. So whenever you get in a situation where villain is both extremely polarized and has tons of potential bluffs it can never be that bad to close your eyes and click call. Also what you'll see is that a lot of players will fast play their non-nutted flushes on the flop but call all their flush draws, leaving them even more imbalanced on the river.

this isn't completly true :
- we have around 65-75 value combos otr ( depending of how thin we wanna )and around 25 naked A and K stuff if we're opening smt like A7o K9o as bottoms so we gunna be overbluffing only if we jam every single one of those combos which I don't think will be the case. I'd be bluffing w most of the As and some KQ KTo type of stuff w spade / good jacks blocker so I think our value to bluff ratio can be pretty balanced quite naturally and yeah they're fked vs this strategy no matter what they do as they won't be checking flushes otr close to never
- you say call with JT is good in practice but what about previous streets? you think his play makes money on those ? its losing money starting from the flop most likely


nah, think we gotta bet the flop and prevent ourselves capping / denying some equity

I appreciate the thoughts guys I read through and considered them all. I want to say that both hands instinctively something was telling me "do not bluff they likely aren't folding". After playing so many millions of hands of poker I think our subconscious tells us things and is often very correct because it picks up on so many patterns that we aren't even aware of. I just had the inkling that both players were not folding.

My thoughts after looking at them with fresh eyes:

Hand 1: I actually have a heap of value hands here: flushes/As2x, 22/33/JJ/4s4x/QsQx/KsKx/As/Ax/KJ/AJ/flushes and it's not unreasonable to think that I play a very high portion of those hands in this manner. As for bluffs I basically just have naked As or Ks combos in which I 4 bet the flop with these hands at some frequency. For example some frequency I would just stack off the flop with the naked As etc. Therefore my range is actually fairly value heavy, if you figured it out combo wise I'd say I have like 70% value on the river or somewhere in that region. It sucks when I have a bounty on my head that might induce some more light calls-my range is actually tighter for this reason. Oh yeah, I probably fold turn with a some of naked Ks combos

As for his line I think it's relatively bad and given the fact he snap called the river leads me to believe we're not really dealing with a high level thinking player here-or thinking at all. Some interesting things we can look into his line is that he x/r the flop with a very marginal holding for value and protection. One thing I notice most regs doing is they tend to make their x/r ranges very equity driven in these spots (imo they mostly should be). For example they will x/r like sets/AsJx/flushes for value and their bluffs will be like Asx or Ksx. Imo that's for good reason because when you're so deep you want to be bluffing with hands that either block the nuts/can make the nuts or gains value from weaker holdings (makes sense?)

A proper value betting strategy entails that we value cut ourselves vs. weaker hands sometimes but this just seems far too thin for him when stacks are this deep. In this spot he shouldn't really be having a "mergey" type x/r range but there are many spots with these type of stacks that type of range is very applicable. Anyways, he looked like a genius here I guess so wp hiim. I do think it's cool that he x/r thin for value as many regs do not do, not saying it s good.

Summary: I still think it's a good bluff in theory and it's completely reasonable, but given my instincts and the villain's actual strategy we probably make much more money by just shutting down and occasionally we might win vs naked Ks or naked Qs type holdings that he shuts down with. I don't think he can exploit me like this but shutting down river and only having value exploits him much harder.

Hand 2:

3 bet seems fine and standard-I think we should mostly be 3 betting this combo vs. loose HJ opener off his stack size. Flop is close to c betting because we have AJ/KJ/99/JJ/not many bluffs whereas he should probably only have KJss exactly (maybe). I guess problem is he's probably under folding vs. a c bet given the SPR and probably just jams any draw or pair. I really only see our c bet folding out worse hands (which is definitely a big merit for c betting to fold out anything really). Wasn't really comfortable with bet/folding the flop as I think I had the best hand a lot so decided to check and realize equity which is reasonable imo.

Turn starts becoming a mandatory bluff I think as AK/Axcc/KQ are a large portion of my range that gets to the turn like this. Don't think having flush blockers in my hand is overly relevant for bluffing the river as villain probably doesn't have many flushes other than like QJcc. IMO I'm actually quite close to bottom range on the river and I have a plethora of strong hands whereas he does not...still don't really like my bluff though cuz it feels like he's not folding much with this SPR.

Anyways, thanks for the thoughts ma dudes!

Coming in for a little late night hand history stuff and then maybe a little bit of other random rambling afterwards. Had soooo many deep runs today and got absolutely scammed in every single on it appeared. Still a decent winning day but this could have easily been like a +40k day.

https://www.boomplayer.com/30060762_E5702C4D54
vs a decent reg I thought this turn lead was pretty gangster. most regs are iso ing absurdly wide nowadays which leads them with tonnes of air+they will c bet most of their air on this texture. I have a lot of 8x by the turn and likely would lead some 8x as well. Turn sizing was for leveling purposes haha.

https://www.boomplayer.com/30061017_47E037819E
geraldo cesar playing awesome on FT. not overly happy bet/calling flop but meh it's probably the highest EV and especially if he can show up with this type of stuff. for the record my range on the flop that uses this sizing is like super nutted and most of my bluffs are like combo draws. Doubt I would bet fold the flop ever with this sizing.

https://www.boomplayer.com/30061228_6A083316D1
this hand was misplayed by me heavily imo. well I think checking down til the river is fine, but over betting the river is probably pretty bad. for some reason I thought he would jsut be super stubborn and could talk himself into a call or would have some Ax himself. at least it saved me a difficult decision when he x/r cuz if I used a smaller sizing i'd prob talk myself into calling a xr.

https://www.boomplayer.com/30061710_F75C9C964E
this one was pretty ambitious. was partially tilted about losing 5 all ins to this guy which might have led me to this. after c betting flop I think its a mandatory bluff on this run out. he's pretty lucky to have this bluff catcher in specific imo.

https://www.boomplayer.com/30062024_A44F9F46D6
bad beat with 20 left and 33k up top. bad beat police please refrain from watching that hand.

https://www.boomplayer.com/30062168_F901C523C7
very close to money bubble vs. recreational player. even a nit like me gets out of line every now and again.

https://www.boomplayer.com/30062287_0A1DB9D382
this one hurt lots. didn't really feel like he was bluffing but I beat some of his value range we're obv not folding.

Anyways, had a bunch of deeps on party too but w/e happy with how I played and can only assume running the opposite of what I have been is inevitable at some point
Thanks for any constructive criticism in advance.

---------------

This is something I've talked about a lot over the years but a topic that definitely hits close to home with me. Being a young-ish guy in Canada in the 2000s can honestly be quite challenging and ambiguous at times. I mean, by every stretch of the definition of happiness a 20 something year old in Canada should be extremely happy. If you live in a first world country in this century you're likely living better than almost anybody in any other century...even Kings and Queens. For that matter, you're probably living better than half of the world right now. If you have a roof over your head, money, plentiful amounts of food and clean drinking water, some friends and family: you're ahead of millions of people on this Earth. Aside from those basic necessities if you're reading this you probably have all of those+an internet connection, a computer, a cell phone, and tonnes of other priviliges.

So why is it that we're so fulfilled with everything we could ever ask for-yet depression, mental illness, and suicide has been skyrocketing over recent years? Why is it that I hear from so many people that they aren't happy? Hell, they don't need to even tell me-you can see it in their eyes and behaviour. I've struggled and thought a lot in my quest to solve this stuff. From reading articles, listening to podcasts, talking with people, long ass walks, taking cold showers, hitting the gym, winning money, traveling, some performance enhancing substances, and all sorts of other things-I still don't have the answers and in times where I can be completely honest with myself-I still don't have the overall happiness level that I want. Here's some theories:

1. Millenials are brought up with a false perception of how the world should be. We were raised that everybody is a winner and various ways in which we were raised has contributed to a false perception of reality. To be quite honest a lot of us millenials didn't really have difficult lives growing up and we haven't been through very much diversity. As many of these kids have grown up their engrained beliefs are challenged rather regularly and when they don't meet their expectations of how they were raised to be-they feel inadequate. Feelings of inadequacy leads to depressive feelings.

2. We're trained to believe that happiness is achieved by acquiring something. Everywhere we look there is advertisements telling us that we "need" something. The masses seem to believe that being happy comes from acquisition which couldn't be more wrong imo. This way of thinking over time we've trained our brains to believe that we need something to be happy: "I'll be happy when I win that tournament" "I'll be happy when I buy that new car" "I'll be happy when I get out of debt". I can tell you from first hand experience this is a toxic way of thinking and when you achieve your goals you might be happy for a few days or weeks...but you will return to your baseline. You will want more...and more...and more. I could be wrong but training yourself to be happy with the process and to be happy with your current situation is GTO.

3. The age of Social Media has basically pumped up our sense of social belonging and put a big ass needle of raging steroids into it's ass. For the first time in human history we're constantly bombarded by what everybody else is doing, moreover, the best and worst 1% of what goes on in their lives. Every picture a girl posts has been photoshopped, had 10 different takes, and is designed to put themselves in the most positive light. So when all we see is everybody else and how many friends they have, all the cool places they travel to, the nice cars they drive, how white their teeth are etc we can't help but compare ourselves. Feelings of inadequacy ensue.

4. Our species evolved over millions of years. The world in which our species has known it is nothing like that it was even 150 years ago. Our species evolved from spending tonnes of time hunting/gathering and being part of a small-ish sized tribes. Our ancestors were probably very close with each other and spent most of their days in the wilderness hunting, building, ****ing, or whatever the fk else I have no idea. The world in which we know it today is moving at the speed of light and everything around us is changing. I mean, think of how foreign of a concept computers, cars, electricity, and internet would have been to someone 200 years ago. Only in a fraction of a hair in society our cicvilization has done a 180 degree turn around. So now instead of hunting and being active all day and eating food off the land with our tribe; we're spending most of our days in front of computers and electronics while sitting on our fat asses. We can't help but feel inadequate when we aren't meeting our lifestyle that thousands of years of evolution has groomed us for.

5. Diet. It's called the Standard American Diet (SAD) for a reason. The masses are pumping themselves full of essentially poison that has been engineered for efficient harvest and production for the cheapest price. We're pumping our bodies full of this stuff that isn't natural and our bodies are responding like "dafuq idk how to deal with this ****?" Just the amount of sugar we consume in a day is probably hundreds of times more than our ancestors. Not to mention we've shifted from eating like a plants, meats, nuts, type diet to eating a carbohydrate heavy diet. Due to this diet and the new sedentary lifestyle the masses are getting fat, sick, and depressed. I can say from first hand experience that getting fat makes you feel inadequate in a heart beat.

6. Depleted social skills from communicating via online interfaces as opposed to face to face. Try walking around through your neighbourhood and when you pass people take a mental note of who makes eye contact with you and gives you a friendly greeting. I can almost guarantee you will notice that older aged people give a nice friendly greeting or smile a much higher % of the time than young people. Our generation wasn't socialized very well and is often very uncomfortable around encountering new people. It's been proven that our happiness is heavily correlated around the quality of our relationships. We're social beings and those needs are often not being met. It's so easy to forgo the akwardness of going out to meet new people and sit at home and play poker or xbox. There's no social risk in those things...well actually there is way more than the social risk of going out to meet people We have an era where young guys aren't going out and working on themselves or working on their relationships because the easier path is to sit at home and jerk off to Riley Reid and play xbox. You can only imagine the problems this stuff is causing for society long term.



I know I've ranted about this stuff a lot before but like I said it really hits close to home with me and I truly believe these are the epidemics that our generation will face. We're not facing the Spanish flu, or World War, or the great depression etc...our problems come from society changing faster than we could adapt. (Aside from global warming and other stuff ofc). The epidemic that our generation is facing is how to thrive and be happy in a society that has set us up for failure imo. Basically figuring out the traps and working to avoid them.


*As per usual this is all my opinion and could be completely wrong *

Signing off for now-Mike.

PS: I have to be up in 3 hours anyways for this STUPID ****ING CHALLENGE on party poker. Have been grinding til late at night and have to wake up early for thi 6 am tourney to acquire points for my team lol.

You grind heaps of good value tourneys all day long and give it your A game. Deep into your session you've avoided tilting despite getting absolutely scammed day in and day out for what seems to be the last 18 months. So you're in the biggest tourney of your day and get in with the nuts on the turn for a great spot to bink a nice major and have a big chip lead to abuse a soft bubble. https://www.boomplayer.com/30070872_4AF14D2E94

Feels like I'm getting scammed like this 95% of the time and it's so absurd to think that it's just all "bad luck".

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About 5 or 6 years ago I started with a small time stake for 2.50 180 man SNGs. I was a busto poker noob but had a strong passion for the game and was willing to learn from more experienced players. A stable decided to give me a shot for micros and after a month or two I went on an absurd heater and was just beasting. By the end of 2-3 months they had me playing up to 60$ 180 mans and moved me into some small stakes MTTs up to 11$.

One night I was tilted and really "feeling maself" so I decided to hop into "the big 27" which was not allowed under our agreement. I bricked the tourney rather quickly and felt guilty and uploaded the 27$ and sent it to my backers. Tbh I just gave them a freeroll which wasn't really necessary. The next morning I woke up to a message "thanks Mike that's very honourable of you to do that, we'll make sure to get it back to you one day."

As the stake progressed I hit my first inevitable downswing and was stuck in makeup with not much money. My first year of school was coming to a close and it was time to move back home for the summer. My parents told me "you need to pay rent at our house or at least have a job. we won't let you play poker for a living from our house for the summer."

Somehow I went on an absurd heater I think I won like 7 or 8 3.50r/15$ 180 mans for like 5-700$ each and cleared MU in one day. I told my backers "sorry guys but my parents say I need to have a job if I can't afford rent at their house. We tried to work out a loan but they couldn't give me the money I needed. However, I remember my backer said "hey Mike, remember that 27$ you gave us? Take the 100$ left in your account and go buy yourself a nice dinner."

It was a pretty bittersweet moment for me on a Friday morning being depressed af from school and just wanting to give poker a shot. I didn't want to work some dead end job for the summer but I was left without a choice. So I went and applied to some job that involved paving roads overnight and the guy interviewing me said "are you good to start Monday morning?" I told him "yes".

The day was Sunday and do you think I used that 100$ to buy a nice steak dinner? Hell nah, I was a hungry and stupid degenerate that was seemingly given one last hit of crack before his pipe had to be smashed. I used that last 100$ to register a 55$ tourney and the hot 33. If I was ever to believe in karma it was when my AJ sucked out AK on the FT bubble of the hot 33 on that Sunday and I went on to chop it for 11k USD.

I phoned my boss the next morning and told him I am sorry but I will not be able to take the job anymore.

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A little further along in my poker career...

I moved in with my girlfriend at the time to her apartment. We lived there for like maybe 1.5 years together or something and poker was going about as well as our relationship-on the rocks. I was failing classes, living in makeup, eating Domino's every day, and was completely entangled in this mess that made me super emotionally unavailable in my relationship. Resentment was beginning to build on both of our behalves.

This professor whom I was good buddies with during my stint at the University asked me if my girlfriend and I could take care of his dog for the weekend because he had some type of emergency. I agreed to do it for the weekend.

I don't even really remember how but I guess I got in some big fight with my gf at the time and she booted me to the curb. It was right around the end of the school year and so much stress was already building from all of the other factors including exams coming up soon. Big shoutout to my buddy Tony who always believed in my poker career and set me up on a couch at his place for a few days. Those were a couple really difficult days: everything was collapsing.

I called that professor and explained to him that I was living on a friend's couch and tried to reason with my ex but she wanted nothing to do with me or his dog at that point in time and that I couldn't help him. He said "I'm in a big jam why don't you just stay at my place and look after the dog for 2 days?" I was super tilted and just didn't want to deal with this **** but said "**** it" and agreed to do it.

Again, like the degen I was I couldn't resist skipping a Sunday grind even while I was staying at his house. I called him up and asked for the internet details and faster than an STD on a saigon whore, I was deep in the tables to numb out all the pain of the external BS.

If I was ever to believe in karma it was when my AJ sucked out AK on FT bubble of the Sunday Million on that day and got AA into KK early on of the FT.

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When I really look back on my poker career I've been so fkn lucky in so many spots. I'll never deny that I worked my ass off to achieve what I have but I'll also never deny I've been very fortunate. It seems like several times I was just about at wit's end with this game and ready to pull the plug on it when miracles arose. Back then it always felt like there was some type of presence that was telling me "you need to keep at it with this mission you're on."

I'd be lying if I wasn't feeling the opposite now. It feels like not matter how hard I work or how well I'm playing that something is telling me "your time has come in this game and it's time to move on."

It's amazing how randomness can play such a big role in our lives-a role that is almost incomprehensible it seems. It's hard to fathom that getting kicked to the curb by your girlfriend in the dead of winter can ever be a blessing in disguise. It's hard to fathom that your AA losing to J3o for chiplead final 18 with 33k up top is a blessing in disguise.

This life is full of so much good, so much bad, and so much randomness. Sometimes it's about rolling with the punches and being the best version of yourself. It's often impossible to tell what is the best thing for you in the moment. It's impossible to avoid bad and good variance in life. Maybe all of this downswing is just grooming me to handle my biggest upswing yet. More than likely not, but hey, I'm excited for whatever comes my way in the near future.

I turn 27 @ 2:47 AM and I thought this was a fitting song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5I79eakR8E

Thanks for all the support (L)

Hey man wanted to post to let you know that I'm rooting for you, dgaf about the hh's but your stories and thoughts about poker put into words here are something I really enjoy and relate to some extent. It's always nice to look back and see how lucky one has been. Cheers!

Sorry things are still going rough dude. As mentioned before I very much empathize with the mental struggle that playing poker for a living is at times. Def keep doing all you can to focus on the good things you have going on. Hope you catch some heat soon. Don't be afraid to dedicate some hours to live cash or online sngs or whatever game type will bring in some lower variance income to help smooth out the insaneness of mtt variance. Happy bday!

Happy birthday mate, hope things turn for you soon.

Thanks I appreciate it!

Ahh don't be sorry I've been pretty lucky in my career and have been lucky enough to call this game a living for the past few years! Short run variance won't ever take away the tangible /intangible things I've earned from poker I know poker wise things have been quite desolate lately but I've been tackling a lot of the bigger issues deep down which is of greater importance than poker will ever be. Like I said all of the struggle with poker lately might be the best thing for me. Downswings are always a test of character and a place where a lot of growth happens. Perhaps it leads me into retiring as a professional in this game which in the future maybe I look back and say "that downswing was the best thing that ever happened to me."

-Thanks for the post and the bday wish

thanks!

Happy birthday man!

Always lurk your threads and really enjoy your style of writing , experiencing similar downswing and doubts at the mo and find it inspiring and relatable to read your posts.

Keep going it will turn ! best of luck

ty

thanks man appreciate dat! good to hear you can relate-I think it's the kind of questions so many regs are going to have to be asking themselves in the somewhat near future.

After spending the morning jumping through flaming hoops and waiting in lines at the DMV I had a bunch of bottled up rage. What better way to convert that into productive energy by going to the gym and running on the treadmill until you feel your lungs are going to collapse followed by squatting until your legs turn to jelly?

In Canada you need to renew your license plate stickers for your car every year and often the lineups at the government office to do so are through the roof. So I went and stood in line for about 3/4 of an eternity when I was greeted by the polite girl at the front desk. By polite, I mean she had her army boots propped up on the desk and her eyes and fingers were glued to her phone. After about 20 seconds of standing there she asked me a few questions and then told me my car needed to go in for an "emissions test" before I could renew my stickers. So I drove to the place to do that and got it done, and then drove back to the DMV, and then stood in line for only about 1/2 of an eternity this time. I could just feel my shoulders burning up because they might have caught a bit of the flame while jumping through one of the last theoretical hoops.

Anyways, the rage was channeled into a very positive medium and the output mindset is calm, cool, and collected. I feel quite satiated, like when I open up a Stars chest and receive 5$ in it. My legs are hurting like a son of a ***** but hey, it's a good kind of hurt.

-Not sure why I needed to tell this story.

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My buddy who has been super successful in poker and has had quite a lot of success in poker called me this morning to tell me he was rejected for a job as a customs officer. This guy has a few scores between 100k-600k through his career but spent a boat load on this apartment building that has just been a money sink thus far. He's kinda been in limbo looking for jobs and managing the building/playing a smidge of poker on the side. He spent a lot of time and fully expected to get this job but was rejected for whatever reason.

We'd talked about opening up a business in the past or doing something that can generate income for us and leverage ourselves out of poker. My question for this thread is:...WUG? lol.

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On a side note I've actually been considering starting up a twitch stream. Things have been pretty existential lately with poker and just grinding alone day in and day out it's tough not to feel a bit isolated. Something I've thought about doing in the temporary is streaming a few MTTs. In a way I think it would be cool to just chat with viewers and mess around a bit. I have a live poker series next week to play in but after that maybe I'll start up a little project with that for fun. Doubt I'll make money in it but who knows I think it would be cool. Besides, everybody and his dog seems to be a twitch streamer now.

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Time to play some live poker tonight and I promise to myself I'll give it my best effort despite the fact the stakes aren't very big. Hopefully I can come out of there with a few hundred $ in EV that actually get's realized Not sure why I came in for this post of randomness but thought I'd share a few things on my plate before the weekend!

Gl fam