The Long Walk to Freedom: WalmartCNXN
01-11-2019
, 03:12 AM
After 3-4 more FT bubbles, this suckout on FT:https://www.boomplayer.com/29762153_55FABDB662, and another hard fought day in the trenches...I come back to the thread empty-handed yet again.
Fwiw in the above hand I basically do not have a 3 bet bluffing range in this spot and did it as a game flow exploit vs bad reg trying to be table captain.
-------------
It's right around bed time for me but the mind is still racing so I'll come in here to cool down a bit and post some random stuff as I listen to some old school Our Lady Peace.
Poker Thoughts: This is pretty obvious and definitely a horse that's been beat a million times by now that's probably also been dead for 2 years now buuuuut: these concepts both seem to be massively understood and misapplied.
It seems trendy among online regs to babble about what is "GTO" or what solvers would say to do. I want to say that the relevance of GTO play in MTTs is very overrated yet very underrated at the same time.
Why is it overrated: The misunderstanding of GTO seems to run rampant. Playing a GTO strategy is only your most profitable if everybody else if employing a GTO strategy. If your opponents aren't playing a perfect strategy then you are leaving a heap of money on the table by playing perfect yourself. Besides the fact there are massive complexities in tournaments involved with ICM, bounties, stack size utilities, edges with different utilities etc. that I highly doubt a solver will actually be accurate.
Let's just say an easy example would be you are on an FT and your table has the worlds biggest droolers 9 handed. You have 30% of the chips in play. SB jams 15bbs for 1/2 of your stack. You have JQss in the BB. Punch in nash ranges and you're supposed to call. Does this factor in the fact the villain has been open limping a bunch? Does it factor in that you have a massive edge on the remaining field and will net chips with very little variance? Does it factor in that this edge is decreased drastically when you go from 40bb to 20? Let's change the scenario to being against a table of 8 other elite regs who have a massive edge on you. The reg in the SB is jamming wider than nash ranges. Now QJss becomes a much better spot.
A perfect strategy just means unexploitable. It breaks even against perfect strategy in theory. Last time I checked there hasn't been anybody playing perfect GTO poker. The human mind isn't capable of knowing every single spot and frequency. From what I see most regs just do what they think will win them the most money in the hand they're in and generally deviate to the same option every time in that scenario and put 0 effort into balancing. They don't say "erm I'm going to 5 bet jam A5ss here because I want to include it in my bluff range" for example. It's no secret that there are massive imbalances in the population by both regs and recs.
Why is it underrated?: The obvious reason is that it's good to know what an optimal strategy looks like. When you know what an optimal strategy is you will know how and when to deviate from it. It's so beneficial to look at GTO solutions and try to derive why it chooses to do certain things. I've learned a lot and created a lot of different lines just by seeing what pio does. Just thinking more about this stuff has helped heaps.
The answer isn't FK GTO or GTO or GTFO. The solver guys love to use solvers as a way to put themselves on a pedestal. They definitely gain an edge by studying this stuff. I'm just saying a massive edge is lost if you are not focused on exploitation first. I won't bother even highlighting the fact that so many solver strategies are misunderstood and misapplied which can be the nut worst thing.
Long story short: work on finding and exploiting your opponent's strategy. If they play perfectly, you play perfect. If they play imperfect you need to find the perfect strategy to beat that imperfect strategy. (Good ****ing luck with ever solving that
)
Life Thoughts: I saw a tweet from one of my role models in poker recently and decided to reach out to the guy for advice and insights. Surprisingly he got back to me with a heap of good info in regards to health as a poker player. So I've sort of been sent down this rabbit hole of thought and research in order to optimize health in the short run as a poker player. I'm not talking just diet and exercise but so many other things. I'll probably compile some big post when I'm all done with it and talk about some of my research into optimizing the environment for optimal health.
By the way, not claiming to be some health guru but there is an obvious elephant in the room in that poker can be extremely tough on the human body and mind. I know I'll find some interesting stuff.
---------------
Pretty high right now so hopefully that post made some sense and I don't regret it in the AM
Fwiw in the above hand I basically do not have a 3 bet bluffing range in this spot and did it as a game flow exploit vs bad reg trying to be table captain.
-------------
It's right around bed time for me but the mind is still racing so I'll come in here to cool down a bit and post some random stuff as I listen to some old school Our Lady Peace.
Poker Thoughts: This is pretty obvious and definitely a horse that's been beat a million times by now that's probably also been dead for 2 years now buuuuut: these concepts both seem to be massively understood and misapplied.
It seems trendy among online regs to babble about what is "GTO" or what solvers would say to do. I want to say that the relevance of GTO play in MTTs is very overrated yet very underrated at the same time.
Why is it overrated: The misunderstanding of GTO seems to run rampant. Playing a GTO strategy is only your most profitable if everybody else if employing a GTO strategy. If your opponents aren't playing a perfect strategy then you are leaving a heap of money on the table by playing perfect yourself. Besides the fact there are massive complexities in tournaments involved with ICM, bounties, stack size utilities, edges with different utilities etc. that I highly doubt a solver will actually be accurate.
Let's just say an easy example would be you are on an FT and your table has the worlds biggest droolers 9 handed. You have 30% of the chips in play. SB jams 15bbs for 1/2 of your stack. You have JQss in the BB. Punch in nash ranges and you're supposed to call. Does this factor in the fact the villain has been open limping a bunch? Does it factor in that you have a massive edge on the remaining field and will net chips with very little variance? Does it factor in that this edge is decreased drastically when you go from 40bb to 20? Let's change the scenario to being against a table of 8 other elite regs who have a massive edge on you. The reg in the SB is jamming wider than nash ranges. Now QJss becomes a much better spot.
A perfect strategy just means unexploitable. It breaks even against perfect strategy in theory. Last time I checked there hasn't been anybody playing perfect GTO poker. The human mind isn't capable of knowing every single spot and frequency. From what I see most regs just do what they think will win them the most money in the hand they're in and generally deviate to the same option every time in that scenario and put 0 effort into balancing. They don't say "erm I'm going to 5 bet jam A5ss here because I want to include it in my bluff range" for example. It's no secret that there are massive imbalances in the population by both regs and recs.
Why is it underrated?: The obvious reason is that it's good to know what an optimal strategy looks like. When you know what an optimal strategy is you will know how and when to deviate from it. It's so beneficial to look at GTO solutions and try to derive why it chooses to do certain things. I've learned a lot and created a lot of different lines just by seeing what pio does. Just thinking more about this stuff has helped heaps.
The answer isn't FK GTO or GTO or GTFO. The solver guys love to use solvers as a way to put themselves on a pedestal. They definitely gain an edge by studying this stuff. I'm just saying a massive edge is lost if you are not focused on exploitation first. I won't bother even highlighting the fact that so many solver strategies are misunderstood and misapplied which can be the nut worst thing.
Long story short: work on finding and exploiting your opponent's strategy. If they play perfectly, you play perfect. If they play imperfect you need to find the perfect strategy to beat that imperfect strategy. (Good ****ing luck with ever solving that
) Life Thoughts: I saw a tweet from one of my role models in poker recently and decided to reach out to the guy for advice and insights. Surprisingly he got back to me with a heap of good info in regards to health as a poker player. So I've sort of been sent down this rabbit hole of thought and research in order to optimize health in the short run as a poker player. I'm not talking just diet and exercise but so many other things. I'll probably compile some big post when I'm all done with it and talk about some of my research into optimizing the environment for optimal health.
By the way, not claiming to be some health guru but there is an obvious elephant in the room in that poker can be extremely tough on the human body and mind. I know I'll find some interesting stuff.
---------------
Pretty high right now so hopefully that post made some sense and I don't regret it in the AM
01-14-2019
, 04:46 PM
Quote:
just one last thought about kk hand i think you are overestimating the range he will jam on brick rivers, compared to range that he will bet/call turn with => imo as wrote previously he will bet/call with all or most of his combo draws and lot of hand that has showdown and he is betting for value/protection like AT/ QQ/JJ/TQ etc that he was likely betting on turn
so to sum it up there are not many hands imo that he is bareling tunr/river that is not bet/calling turn shove with that SPR while there are descent number of them that will bet/call turn but x behind on river because showdown value or give up
also imo you should consider that when you are heavily blocking his value range=> his range have a lot of bluff catchers/good draws
so to sum it up there are not many hands imo that he is bareling tunr/river that is not bet/calling turn shove with that SPR while there are descent number of them that will bet/call turn but x behind on river because showdown value or give up
also imo you should consider that when you are heavily blocking his value range=> his range have a lot of bluff catchers/good draws
gl this year
01-14-2019
, 05:11 PM
We're 2 weeks into the year and I already don't feel like writing the weekly update in here. Where's all that motivation that I came into this year with? Grinded heaps all weekend and came out with a win in the 22 prog. (some interesting hands following later). So many deeps on Sunday but continue to run aids in every relevant pot it seems. Was super tilted and burned out after my grind yesterday so headed over to everyone's favourite fine dining establishment and racked up a ~17 USD order (fml). Came home and smoked some weed and had a girl sleep over. Got very little sleep and the sleep I did get was low quality.
Woke up this morning just feeling like an absolute skid, like I just woke up in a dumpster or something. Decided to just give myself the day off to rest and hang out with my friends later and watch the Leafs game. Going to start up diet regime again tomorrow because things have been getting out of control again. Apparently I can't do anything in moderation (big surprise there
). Anyways, will enjoy my day/night off, get a good sleep, and then get back to normal tomorrow: groceries, gym, grind.
I'll write later tonight to set out the exact health plan that I want to try for 3 months.
----------------
A Couple Hands to Spark Thoughts:
https://www.boomplayer.com/29788493_F2E4F7CE02
This hand was a complete disaster approaching money bubble in SM with a plethora of weak players sitting behind. TBH I know it was just so bad on so many levels. Open/double barrel are fine imo...just the river is a bad spot to bluff as I'm blocking a lot of hands I want to get folds from and my sizing will just get calls from a lot of flushes. I guess if I want to bluff this river I need to be all in really but it seems like a river I should just give up. Although, it is hard for me to have bluffs here i guess maybe like JTs would be one of the main ones. This being said: my river sizing is good for value I think and this is a spot if i had Ac in the past I would jam and they just find big folds.
https://www.boomplayer.com/29787739_DD3A0574AC
vs a pocarr reg. weird hand. sort of like my line but sort of not. have been working on merging my x/r ranges a little bit and finding unconditional bluff lines that pio recommends or w/e. inherently it puts me/others in a lot of weird spots.
https://www.boomplayer.com/29784751_6812CC206D
should we just be getting it in on flop in these spots? as played I think line is std?
https://www.boomplayer.com/29777600_1B15FE2FDF
questionable call pre flop on FT, calling flop also somewhat questionable but I guess obligatory. I think so many of his bluffs barrel the turn (KJ/TJ/T9//bdfds)...so was led to believe he has some type of like Ax or maybe KK/Qx (which prob shouldn't be betting flop but weaker players may).
Turn is close to start bluffing but I think we want to realize equity here with this hand and potentially bluff rivers. Gin ish river and only question is sizing. Doubt we will have many thin value bets here. Would bluff like JT/T9 or weaker pairs occasionally. Decided to just jam and put him in a cage with his exact type of hand. Nobody gaf about ICM anymore and he basically snapped river which is slightly lol.
https://www.boomplayer.com/29775152_6E5119531D
last one against a decent reg. feel free to rip that fold apart but i won the tourney
----------------------
As usual thanks for any insight you guys feel like providing. Feeling good about things right now and realllllly feel like big things are coming. Much love and GL this week!
Woke up this morning just feeling like an absolute skid, like I just woke up in a dumpster or something. Decided to just give myself the day off to rest and hang out with my friends later and watch the Leafs game. Going to start up diet regime again tomorrow because things have been getting out of control again. Apparently I can't do anything in moderation (big surprise there
). Anyways, will enjoy my day/night off, get a good sleep, and then get back to normal tomorrow: groceries, gym, grind. I'll write later tonight to set out the exact health plan that I want to try for 3 months.
----------------
A Couple Hands to Spark Thoughts:
https://www.boomplayer.com/29788493_F2E4F7CE02
This hand was a complete disaster approaching money bubble in SM with a plethora of weak players sitting behind. TBH I know it was just so bad on so many levels. Open/double barrel are fine imo...just the river is a bad spot to bluff as I'm blocking a lot of hands I want to get folds from and my sizing will just get calls from a lot of flushes. I guess if I want to bluff this river I need to be all in really but it seems like a river I should just give up. Although, it is hard for me to have bluffs here i guess maybe like JTs would be one of the main ones. This being said: my river sizing is good for value I think and this is a spot if i had Ac in the past I would jam and they just find big folds.
https://www.boomplayer.com/29787739_DD3A0574AC
vs a pocarr reg. weird hand. sort of like my line but sort of not. have been working on merging my x/r ranges a little bit and finding unconditional bluff lines that pio recommends or w/e. inherently it puts me/others in a lot of weird spots.
https://www.boomplayer.com/29784751_6812CC206D
should we just be getting it in on flop in these spots? as played I think line is std?
https://www.boomplayer.com/29777600_1B15FE2FDF
questionable call pre flop on FT, calling flop also somewhat questionable but I guess obligatory. I think so many of his bluffs barrel the turn (KJ/TJ/T9//bdfds)...so was led to believe he has some type of like Ax or maybe KK/Qx (which prob shouldn't be betting flop but weaker players may).
Turn is close to start bluffing but I think we want to realize equity here with this hand and potentially bluff rivers. Gin ish river and only question is sizing. Doubt we will have many thin value bets here. Would bluff like JT/T9 or weaker pairs occasionally. Decided to just jam and put him in a cage with his exact type of hand. Nobody gaf about ICM anymore and he basically snapped river which is slightly lol.
https://www.boomplayer.com/29775152_6E5119531D
last one against a decent reg. feel free to rip that fold apart but i won the tourney
----------------------
As usual thanks for any insight you guys feel like providing. Feeling good about things right now and realllllly feel like big things are coming. Much love and GL this week!
01-15-2019
, 12:47 AM
Quote:
A Couple Hands to Spark Thoughts:
https://www.boomplayer.com/29788493_F2E4F7CE02
This hand was a complete disaster approaching money bubble in SM with a plethora of weak players sitting behind. TBH I know it was just so bad on so many levels. Open/double barrel are fine imo...just the river is a bad spot to bluff as I'm blocking a lot of hands I want to get folds from and my sizing will just get calls from a lot of flushes. I guess if I want to bluff this river I need to be all in really but it seems like a river I should just give up. Although, it is hard for me to have bluffs here i guess maybe like JTs would be one of the main ones. This being said: my river sizing is good for value I think and this is a spot if i had Ac in the past I would jam and they just find big folds.
(dont like open with those stacks behind/ as played i think is give up or jam river, imo random villains are calling so many hands vs that sizing that will fold to a jam)
https://www.boomplayer.com/29787739_DD3A0574AC
vs a pocarr reg. weird hand. sort of like my line but sort of not. have been working on merging my x/r ranges a little bit and finding unconditional bluff lines that pio recommends or w/e. inherently it puts me/others in a lot of weird spots.
(imo if you want x/r that flop with that hand you should go bigger sizing in that spot with that ef stack sizes ~5k/ i prefer x/raising Kd6 if you are defending that or K6cc/Q6cc)
https://www.boomplayer.com/29784751_6812CC206D
should we just be getting it in on flop in these spots? as played I think line is std?
( i think GII on flop is very very bad imo/ you line looks ok)
https://www.boomplayer.com/29777600_1B15FE2FDF
questionable call pre flop on FT, calling flop also somewhat questionable but I guess obligatory. I think so many of his bluffs barrel the turn (KJ/TJ/T9//bdfds)...so was led to believe he has some type of like Ax or maybe KK/Qx (which prob shouldn't be betting flop but weaker players may).
Turn is close to start bluffing but I think we want to realize equity here with this hand and potentially bluff rivers. Gin ish river and only question is sizing. Doubt we will have many thin value bets here. Would bluff like JT/T9 or weaker pairs occasionally. Decided to just jam and put him in a cage with his exact type of hand. Nobody gaf about ICM anymore and he basically snapped river which is slightly lol.
(pre yea optimistic with that SPR
- flop imo once you get in that game tree is a call imo, you are still covering all if you call and fold turn you have backdoor flush that might have a reverse implied odds btw
- turn is interesting imo but vs guys u decide to call that hand in position pre you should know how to exploit them post, when that said, i think we do want to bet A8s/A3s(4 combos) and some 88/AQ/AJ we flat pre (lets say 14 combos) for a total of like 12-15 that are value and some AA (lets say 2 combos) to ch behind, also we have some other Axs and some combo draws (we should have mostly suited face cards combos in our flating range) that will benefit from x behind because his range should be stronger on that board so imo we should be ch behind with most of our range because stacks are really akward ( we can use some of the KJs/KTs/T9s hands as bluff bets on turn imo)
- river i think we should shove all str8/2pair/flushes combos for value and probably some of KTs/T9s/ combos as bluffs)
https://www.boomplayer.com/29775152_6E5119531D
last one against a decent reg. feel free to rip that fold apart but i won the tourney
[B](i think this is almost never a bluff good fold imo/ btw why u are 3x preflop??)[/B]
A Couple Hands to Spark Thoughts:
https://www.boomplayer.com/29788493_F2E4F7CE02
This hand was a complete disaster approaching money bubble in SM with a plethora of weak players sitting behind. TBH I know it was just so bad on so many levels. Open/double barrel are fine imo...just the river is a bad spot to bluff as I'm blocking a lot of hands I want to get folds from and my sizing will just get calls from a lot of flushes. I guess if I want to bluff this river I need to be all in really but it seems like a river I should just give up. Although, it is hard for me to have bluffs here i guess maybe like JTs would be one of the main ones. This being said: my river sizing is good for value I think and this is a spot if i had Ac in the past I would jam and they just find big folds.
(dont like open with those stacks behind/ as played i think is give up or jam river, imo random villains are calling so many hands vs that sizing that will fold to a jam)
https://www.boomplayer.com/29787739_DD3A0574AC
vs a pocarr reg. weird hand. sort of like my line but sort of not. have been working on merging my x/r ranges a little bit and finding unconditional bluff lines that pio recommends or w/e. inherently it puts me/others in a lot of weird spots.
(imo if you want x/r that flop with that hand you should go bigger sizing in that spot with that ef stack sizes ~5k/ i prefer x/raising Kd6 if you are defending that or K6cc/Q6cc)
https://www.boomplayer.com/29784751_6812CC206D
should we just be getting it in on flop in these spots? as played I think line is std?
( i think GII on flop is very very bad imo/ you line looks ok)
https://www.boomplayer.com/29777600_1B15FE2FDF
questionable call pre flop on FT, calling flop also somewhat questionable but I guess obligatory. I think so many of his bluffs barrel the turn (KJ/TJ/T9//bdfds)...so was led to believe he has some type of like Ax or maybe KK/Qx (which prob shouldn't be betting flop but weaker players may).
Turn is close to start bluffing but I think we want to realize equity here with this hand and potentially bluff rivers. Gin ish river and only question is sizing. Doubt we will have many thin value bets here. Would bluff like JT/T9 or weaker pairs occasionally. Decided to just jam and put him in a cage with his exact type of hand. Nobody gaf about ICM anymore and he basically snapped river which is slightly lol.
(pre yea optimistic
with that SPR- flop imo once you get in that game tree is a call imo, you are still covering all if you call and fold turn you have backdoor flush that might have a reverse implied odds btw
- turn is interesting imo but vs guys u decide to call that hand in position pre you should know how to exploit them post, when that said, i think we do want to bet A8s/A3s(4 combos) and some 88/AQ/AJ we flat pre (lets say 14 combos) for a total of like 12-15 that are value and some AA (lets say 2 combos) to ch behind, also we have some other Axs and some combo draws (we should have mostly suited face cards combos in our flating range) that will benefit from x behind because his range should be stronger on that board so imo we should be ch behind with most of our range because stacks are really akward ( we can use some of the KJs/KTs/T9s hands as bluff bets on turn imo)
- river i think we should shove all str8/2pair/flushes combos for value and probably some of KTs/T9s/ combos as bluffs)
https://www.boomplayer.com/29775152_6E5119531D
last one against a decent reg. feel free to rip that fold apart but i won the tourney
[B](i think this is almost never a bluff good fold imo/ btw why u are 3x preflop??)[/B]
Last edited by Re8uZ; 01-15-2019 at 12:53 AM.
01-15-2019
, 12:49 AM
Hey guys, long story short I've felt a little bit off with my mental and physical health for to be honest: quite a long time now. Today was one of those days where I woke up just feeling like absolute trash. It could have been because of the lack of sleep, lack of quality sleep, binge eating 20$ worth of McDonald's before bed, a withered Sunday session, the freezing cold/dark winter, or just a combination of a bunch of things really bothering me lately. My feelings vary as you can tell from this thread but at times I can be completely honest with myself: I'm feeling empty and not myself way more than I should be.
I can't really put my finger on what's bothering me but it's most likely just a combination of several things. What I do know is that I'm naturally a happy person who enjoys life a lot and I need to get to the bottom of this stuff. You know how when you're a kid you don't really have too many worries and just live life in the moment? I really miss that state of mind and want to return to it. I miss being super excited for things and really feel like so many things have taken a toll on me. You can take the man out of the poker life, but you can't take the poker life out of the man.
So I was driving to my friends place through the country roads earlier and just had a lot of stuff passing through my mind in regards to this. A lot of existential thoughts were going through my head in regards to both life and poker. I've given so much to this game for so long. After a 14 hour session I don't feel like I'm fulfilled. All I did was play a card game for 14 hours, occasionally I made money. The time is beginning to feel very near to retire from this game. When I quit this game I'm going to look back with very fond memories of the journey it took me on and the people it introduced me to. To be honest, I'm just not that happy grinding 60 hour weeks anymore and dealing with the massive stress and angst that this game brings. I feel like a robot so often lately and don't like it.
So Mike: "If you are not feeling well playing poker why play? Go do something else!"
Well, that's the conundrum. I don't have enough liquid cash right now to invest in the ventures I want to transition to. I could just quit poker tomorrow and fire around resumes to a bunch of places and probably have a decent paying job by next week. That sort of feels like I'm selling out on the dream though, ya know? Living a life that I enjoy and would want to live is very important to me. Working some dead-end job doesn't really fulfill that either imo.
Here's my plan:
-Rebuild the BR online selling reasonably sized pieces
-When BR is at a better level start playing more live stops/way less online (online lifestyle just ain't healthy for me anymore imo)
-When either I have the $/find a better alternative living/can't stand poker anymore: take some time off the game or retire.
-Transition to another living that is more fulfilling and sustainable.
Backup Plan:
-Bust BR, keep my condo, go get a job.
Backup Plan B:
-Bust BR, sell condo, go travel the world and re-evaluate.
Possible Other Plan:
Go to Mexico or Costa Rica for a few months to grind during the winter and get some sun/live another culture. Maybe that will give me the refreshment I need.
-------------------------------
Sorry if the overwhelming tone of this post was quite negative. I didn't mean to make it that way. Just wanted to give some "real-talk" about the **** that I'm feeling. Maybe others can relate. I'm really optimistic about the future and I'm certain that these feelings are not permanent.
-------------------------------
Diet is starting up again tomorrow. Not going to get people to bet against me this time because I don't believe in people paying me to take care of myself. If I can't find the motivation from within I don't deserve to succeed.
Anyone got a good grind set up/spare room in some place with a warm climate and beaches etc? Think I need some time away from this winter
Thanks for reading d00ds!
I can't really put my finger on what's bothering me but it's most likely just a combination of several things. What I do know is that I'm naturally a happy person who enjoys life a lot and I need to get to the bottom of this stuff. You know how when you're a kid you don't really have too many worries and just live life in the moment? I really miss that state of mind and want to return to it. I miss being super excited for things and really feel like so many things have taken a toll on me. You can take the man out of the poker life, but you can't take the poker life out of the man.
So I was driving to my friends place through the country roads earlier and just had a lot of stuff passing through my mind in regards to this. A lot of existential thoughts were going through my head in regards to both life and poker. I've given so much to this game for so long. After a 14 hour session I don't feel like I'm fulfilled. All I did was play a card game for 14 hours, occasionally I made money. The time is beginning to feel very near to retire from this game. When I quit this game I'm going to look back with very fond memories of the journey it took me on and the people it introduced me to. To be honest, I'm just not that happy grinding 60 hour weeks anymore and dealing with the massive stress and angst that this game brings. I feel like a robot so often lately and don't like it.
So Mike: "If you are not feeling well playing poker why play? Go do something else!"
Well, that's the conundrum. I don't have enough liquid cash right now to invest in the ventures I want to transition to. I could just quit poker tomorrow and fire around resumes to a bunch of places and probably have a decent paying job by next week. That sort of feels like I'm selling out on the dream though, ya know? Living a life that I enjoy and would want to live is very important to me. Working some dead-end job doesn't really fulfill that either imo.
Here's my plan:
-Rebuild the BR online selling reasonably sized pieces
-When BR is at a better level start playing more live stops/way less online (online lifestyle just ain't healthy for me anymore imo)
-When either I have the $/find a better alternative living/can't stand poker anymore: take some time off the game or retire.
-Transition to another living that is more fulfilling and sustainable.
Backup Plan:
-Bust BR, keep my condo, go get a job.
Backup Plan B:
-Bust BR, sell condo, go travel the world and re-evaluate.
Possible Other Plan:
Go to Mexico or Costa Rica for a few months to grind during the winter and get some sun/live another culture. Maybe that will give me the refreshment I need.
-------------------------------
Sorry if the overwhelming tone of this post was quite negative. I didn't mean to make it that way. Just wanted to give some "real-talk" about the **** that I'm feeling. Maybe others can relate. I'm really optimistic about the future and I'm certain that these feelings are not permanent.
-------------------------------
Diet is starting up again tomorrow. Not going to get people to bet against me this time because I don't believe in people paying me to take care of myself. If I can't find the motivation from within I don't deserve to succeed.
Anyone got a good grind set up/spare room in some place with a warm climate and beaches etc? Think I need some time away from this winter
Thanks for reading d00ds!
01-23-2019
, 12:57 AM
YOYO
Went out for a long walk in the -10 degree weather just now and had a long think about some things. One of the main things I thought about was just the overall quality of my threads the last year or so. Quite often this has just been a place for me to get stress off my shoulders and to whine a little bit before going to sleep. The whining hasn't really helped anybody and the whole state of my mindset has been poor the last year or two if I can be completely honest for a second. SOOOO I figured I'd come in here for a little list of "The Top Things I learned in my 20s". I listened to a podcast a few years ago about the same topic and really enjoyed it. Some of the things I talk about may be piggy backed off that list (but not intentionally). Hopefully y'all can find something to relate to, or better yet, something you don't agree with. Without further delay, let's get to it!
The Top Things I Learned in my 20s
DISCLAIMER: I don't perceive myself as some wise monk and in fact these are all my points of view. I could be wrong and I struggle with doing a lot of them every day
What is led to be noble advice from elders is often wrong: There's so many pieces of advice I was given by elders over the years that only served as a complete disservice. For example "don't do drugs" "a University education is the optimal path" "save your money extensively". All of the above examples obviously are very risk averse by nature and definitely do have positive outcomes. However, I've learned that older people are often brought up in much different time frames. For example in the 70s people with University degrees were in massive demand in the workplace. Everybody who graduated with decent marks got snap hired for good jobs right out of school. In 2019 Undergraduate degrees come a dime a dozen and often kids spends 10s of thousands of $ and come up empty handed. I'm not saying getting a University education is bad: forcing yourself to attend because you think you have to is bad. I did this and it led me down a dark path...but I'm glad I did it
Drugs Can Actually be Extremely Helpful: Again, I'm not saying to go out and start doing lines of cocaine and chasing with a shot of crystal meth. In so many cases drugs can be extremely bad and detrimental. Personally, I haven't experimented with much outside of weed. If you look at the benefits of things like mushrooms, iuhasca (or however you spell that) and other drugs you can find immense psychological benefits. For example the first time I took edible weed I had some massive epiphanies about my life. Obviously do your research, be safe, and be responsible.
You are not Invincible: I went into University weighing ~210 lbs. I left University weighing probably close to 290 lbs. I was used to playing high level intense sports 6-7 times per week and eating whatever I wanted and always feeling in peak shape. The physical activity went from 6-7 times per week to probably 0.3x/week. I thought I was untouchable and am still working off those same pounds and bad habits today. EVerything from poor posture, bad eating habits, sedentary lifestyle etc, catches up wayyy quicker than you would expect if you are not careful.
Buying a Home is not Mandatory: Again, this is what I felt was the noble option. I rushed into buying a place and that took up a lot of my cash flow and basically became a money sink for the last few years. Yeah, I'm happy that I have a nice hard asset but I could have rented for much cheaper and used the money to travel or have more life experiences. People really seem to under spend on their experiences.
People are Ruthless When you Lend Money: I'm going to say I lent sizeable amounts of money to ~6-7 people in the last few years. Almost never was I paid back on the agreed upon terms/deadlines. People in a desperate spot will often tell you what they need to convince you.
How You View Yourself is Everything: One of the biggest things I've realized is that if you respect yourself and have true confidence people will respect you for that. If you just become comfortable with your insecurities and embrace them you will give off very positive vibes. On the contrary, if you don't believe in yourself and don't have confidence others won't have it either. People feel what you feel.
Eliminate Toxic People: This is everything for a zen mindset. In anything whether it's your poker circle, your friend circle, your family members or whoever. If they don't want the best for you and wish bad things upon you they need to be avoided as much as possible. You want people close to you that you enjoy spending time with and that are concerned with bringing you up with them/coming up with you...not kicking you down. I went to see a therapist once and basically wasted 100$ for an hour of talking to them...there was a great quote on the wall there that I will always remember: "why are so much of your thoughts occupied by people that you mean so little to?"
Life is Fragile: I lost 1 really close friend in my 20s, 1 friend who I used to be close with, and a neighbour that was a year older than me (among others). Life is extremely fragile and realizing that the small things are so insignificant in the grand scheme of life. Yeah, I lost a massive coin flip on the FT bubble of the PCA main but who really cares? It's just part of the journey and losing is a fact of life. We've all been given a death sentence...we just don't know when it will be. Focus on living the life that makes you happy and you want to live. Try your best to treat everyone well and put yourself in their shoes.
Invest in this thing Called "Amazon"
----------------------
Hope you guys enjoyed that it was nice to get something in here that wasn't whining about Amaya or talking hands for once! I might be AWOL from here for a few days/weeks because I need to get some IRL stuff in line/sorted. Til' next time!
Went out for a long walk in the -10 degree weather just now and had a long think about some things. One of the main things I thought about was just the overall quality of my threads the last year or so. Quite often this has just been a place for me to get stress off my shoulders and to whine a little bit before going to sleep. The whining hasn't really helped anybody and the whole state of my mindset has been poor the last year or two if I can be completely honest for a second. SOOOO I figured I'd come in here for a little list of "The Top Things I learned in my 20s". I listened to a podcast a few years ago about the same topic and really enjoyed it. Some of the things I talk about may be piggy backed off that list (but not intentionally). Hopefully y'all can find something to relate to, or better yet, something you don't agree with. Without further delay, let's get to it!
The Top Things I Learned in my 20s
DISCLAIMER: I don't perceive myself as some wise monk and in fact these are all my points of view. I could be wrong and I struggle with doing a lot of them every day
What is led to be noble advice from elders is often wrong: There's so many pieces of advice I was given by elders over the years that only served as a complete disservice. For example "don't do drugs" "a University education is the optimal path" "save your money extensively". All of the above examples obviously are very risk averse by nature and definitely do have positive outcomes. However, I've learned that older people are often brought up in much different time frames. For example in the 70s people with University degrees were in massive demand in the workplace. Everybody who graduated with decent marks got snap hired for good jobs right out of school. In 2019 Undergraduate degrees come a dime a dozen and often kids spends 10s of thousands of $ and come up empty handed. I'm not saying getting a University education is bad: forcing yourself to attend because you think you have to is bad. I did this and it led me down a dark path...but I'm glad I did it
Drugs Can Actually be Extremely Helpful: Again, I'm not saying to go out and start doing lines of cocaine and chasing with a shot of crystal meth. In so many cases drugs can be extremely bad and detrimental. Personally, I haven't experimented with much outside of weed. If you look at the benefits of things like mushrooms, iuhasca (or however you spell that) and other drugs you can find immense psychological benefits. For example the first time I took edible weed I had some massive epiphanies about my life. Obviously do your research, be safe, and be responsible.
You are not Invincible: I went into University weighing ~210 lbs. I left University weighing probably close to 290 lbs. I was used to playing high level intense sports 6-7 times per week and eating whatever I wanted and always feeling in peak shape. The physical activity went from 6-7 times per week to probably 0.3x/week. I thought I was untouchable and am still working off those same pounds and bad habits today. EVerything from poor posture, bad eating habits, sedentary lifestyle etc, catches up wayyy quicker than you would expect if you are not careful.
Buying a Home is not Mandatory: Again, this is what I felt was the noble option. I rushed into buying a place and that took up a lot of my cash flow and basically became a money sink for the last few years. Yeah, I'm happy that I have a nice hard asset but I could have rented for much cheaper and used the money to travel or have more life experiences. People really seem to under spend on their experiences.
People are Ruthless When you Lend Money: I'm going to say I lent sizeable amounts of money to ~6-7 people in the last few years. Almost never was I paid back on the agreed upon terms/deadlines. People in a desperate spot will often tell you what they need to convince you.
How You View Yourself is Everything: One of the biggest things I've realized is that if you respect yourself and have true confidence people will respect you for that. If you just become comfortable with your insecurities and embrace them you will give off very positive vibes. On the contrary, if you don't believe in yourself and don't have confidence others won't have it either. People feel what you feel.
Eliminate Toxic People: This is everything for a zen mindset. In anything whether it's your poker circle, your friend circle, your family members or whoever. If they don't want the best for you and wish bad things upon you they need to be avoided as much as possible. You want people close to you that you enjoy spending time with and that are concerned with bringing you up with them/coming up with you...not kicking you down. I went to see a therapist once and basically wasted 100$ for an hour of talking to them...there was a great quote on the wall there that I will always remember: "why are so much of your thoughts occupied by people that you mean so little to?"
Life is Fragile: I lost 1 really close friend in my 20s, 1 friend who I used to be close with, and a neighbour that was a year older than me (among others). Life is extremely fragile and realizing that the small things are so insignificant in the grand scheme of life. Yeah, I lost a massive coin flip on the FT bubble of the PCA main but who really cares? It's just part of the journey and losing is a fact of life. We've all been given a death sentence...we just don't know when it will be. Focus on living the life that makes you happy and you want to live. Try your best to treat everyone well and put yourself in their shoes.
Invest in this thing Called "Amazon"
----------------------
Hope you guys enjoyed that it was nice to get something in here that wasn't whining about Amaya or talking hands for once! I might be AWOL from here for a few days/weeks because I need to get some IRL stuff in line/sorted. Til' next time!
01-23-2019
, 03:21 AM
01-24-2019
, 03:21 PM
I don't wanna be too over-dramatic here with this one but this sort of feels like the end of an era for me. I'm really sad to say it and not 100% sure if it's for sure yet as you might see me grinding heavy volume again in only a few weeks. However, just the way the online climate has shifted I really don't know if it's worth grinding another year full time online. It's a tough thing to come to peace with because part of me still loves and enjoys grinding online like the 18 year old kid did when he uploaded his first 50$ pre paid mastercard. However, the other part of me feels like that old guy in the Shawshank Redemption, leaving the prison and being depressed because the outside world moves too quickly and he's unsure of everything out there.
It's motivating to see guys like pads and other good regs winning lots of money consistently but that's also at stakes I don't even play. Most of the logical parts in my brain are urging me to pursue new things but there's a small part of me that still sees this game as a great way to set up for the future. One thing is for sure is that I don't want to sell my condo-and I can't afford another year of not making money.
I've got a lot of tough decisions to make and I'm trying not to be biased about "what's the most comfortable option now". For a start I think I'm going to try grinding 2/5 @ a local casino and maybe sprinkle in a few live tourneys. Possibly play online on Sundays or in off-peak hours.
Like I said: My mindset seems to shift with the wind and there's a lot of uncertainty. You could see me grinding regularly again a week from now I trust myself that I can make good decisions here. To reference the Shawkshank Redemption again to close out this post: One thing is for sure when I'm done with this game I'm going to feel like Andy Dufresne when he's climbing out of that **** pipe at the end of the movie in the thunderstorm...and it's going to feel ****ing amazing.
It's motivating to see guys like pads and other good regs winning lots of money consistently but that's also at stakes I don't even play. Most of the logical parts in my brain are urging me to pursue new things but there's a small part of me that still sees this game as a great way to set up for the future. One thing is for sure is that I don't want to sell my condo-and I can't afford another year of not making money.
I've got a lot of tough decisions to make and I'm trying not to be biased about "what's the most comfortable option now". For a start I think I'm going to try grinding 2/5 @ a local casino and maybe sprinkle in a few live tourneys. Possibly play online on Sundays or in off-peak hours.
Like I said: My mindset seems to shift with the wind and there's a lot of uncertainty. You could see me grinding regularly again a week from now
I trust myself that I can make good decisions here. To reference the Shawkshank Redemption again to close out this post: One thing is for sure when I'm done with this game I'm going to feel like Andy Dufresne when he's climbing out of that **** pipe at the end of the movie in the thunderstorm...and it's going to feel ****ing amazing.
01-24-2019
, 04:44 PM
Quote:
I don't wanna be too over-dramatic here with this one but this sort of feels like the end of an era for me. I'm really sad to say it and not 100% sure if it's for sure yet as you might see me grinding heavy volume again in only a few weeks. However, just the way the online climate has shifted I really don't know if it's worth grinding another year full time online. It's a tough thing to come to peace with because part of me still loves and enjoys grinding online like the 18 year old kid did when he uploaded his first 50$ pre paid mastercard. However, the other part of me feels like that old guy in the Shawshank Redemption, leaving the prison and being depressed because the outside world moves too quickly and he's unsure of everything out there.
It's motivating to see guys like pads and other good regs winning lots of money consistently but that's also at stakes I don't even play. Most of the logical parts in my brain are urging me to pursue new things but there's a small part of me that still sees this game as a great way to set up for the future. One thing is for sure is that I don't want to sell my condo-and I can't afford another year of not making money.
I've got a lot of tough decisions to make and I'm trying not to be biased about "what's the most comfortable option now". For a start I think I'm going to try grinding 2/5 @ a local casino and maybe sprinkle in a few live tourneys. Possibly play online on Sundays or in off-peak hours.
Like I said: My mindset seems to shift with the wind and there's a lot of uncertainty. You could see me grinding regularly again a week from now I trust myself that I can make good decisions here. To reference the Shawkshank Redemption again to close out this post: One thing is for sure when I'm done with this game I'm going to feel like Andy Dufresne when he's climbing out of that **** pipe at the end of the movie in the thunderstorm...and it's going to feel ****ing amazing.
It's motivating to see guys like pads and other good regs winning lots of money consistently but that's also at stakes I don't even play. Most of the logical parts in my brain are urging me to pursue new things but there's a small part of me that still sees this game as a great way to set up for the future. One thing is for sure is that I don't want to sell my condo-and I can't afford another year of not making money.
I've got a lot of tough decisions to make and I'm trying not to be biased about "what's the most comfortable option now". For a start I think I'm going to try grinding 2/5 @ a local casino and maybe sprinkle in a few live tourneys. Possibly play online on Sundays or in off-peak hours.
Like I said: My mindset seems to shift with the wind and there's a lot of uncertainty. You could see me grinding regularly again a week from now
I trust myself that I can make good decisions here. To reference the Shawkshank Redemption again to close out this post: One thing is for sure when I'm done with this game I'm going to feel like Andy Dufresne when he's climbing out of that **** pipe at the end of the movie in the thunderstorm...and it's going to feel ****ing amazing.
01-24-2019
, 05:38 PM
hey man thanks for the post. i definitely didn't mean to say it's an all or nothing thing if that's what I was implying. I probably should have said "an era nearing it's completion" as opposed to "the end of an era". to get an idea of the downswing here is stars results: https://gyazo.com/a4eac68907162a7d69...d8273b686e7a17
I believe the figure is in CAD so probably deduct like 15% off that or something. As you can see there I've been on an approx. 8k game breakeven/losing stretch on stars. The games are definitely sick sick variance especially with all the changes in the last 2 years.
If I was a 20 year old kid in Uni today I would 100% try to sign up to one of the "high end" stables. Unfortunately, that's not really in the cards anymore because I don't want to be 2 years down the road and 29 years old sitting in ~50k makeup or something. I've never been the kind of guy that would want to quit on a deal and that would be somewhat likely if I was in makeup 1-2 years down the road as I'm fairly confident I won't be in this game too much longer unless things massively turn around. So yeah, a long term backing deal isn't really in the cards for me (but would be open to suggestions for live staking/some online with a few clauses in the contract if anyone interested)
Objectively I think the EV is a lot higher grinding online but the variance is also way higher. For example My EV in a year of online grinding might be 60k USD but I could lose 10k USD ~30% of years. Whereas: live grind my EV might be 50k but I would hit that EV probably 80% of years.
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Anyways, contrary to all of this stuff I think it's great we can think objectively and be realistic about the state of poker, but I'm quite optimistic still and this horse still has a bit of grind left in him
I believe the figure is in CAD so probably deduct like 15% off that or something. As you can see there I've been on an approx. 8k game breakeven/losing stretch on stars. The games are definitely sick sick variance especially with all the changes in the last 2 years.
If I was a 20 year old kid in Uni today I would 100% try to sign up to one of the "high end" stables. Unfortunately, that's not really in the cards anymore because I don't want to be 2 years down the road and 29 years old sitting in ~50k makeup or something. I've never been the kind of guy that would want to quit on a deal and that would be somewhat likely if I was in makeup 1-2 years down the road as I'm fairly confident I won't be in this game too much longer unless things massively turn around. So yeah, a long term backing deal isn't really in the cards for me (but would be open to suggestions for live staking/some online with a few clauses in the contract if anyone interested
)Objectively I think the EV is a lot higher grinding online but the variance is also way higher. For example My EV in a year of online grinding might be 60k USD but I could lose 10k USD ~30% of years. Whereas: live grind my EV might be 50k but I would hit that EV probably 80% of years.
---------
Anyways, contrary to all of this stuff I think it's great we can think objectively and be realistic about the state of poker, but I'm quite optimistic still and this horse still has a bit of grind left in him
01-31-2019
, 02:22 AM
Decided to try out being a live pro for a day. Kinda felt like "take your kid to work day", but more like "take your inner 19 year old self kid to work day", because when I was 19 playing poker in a casino seemed so glamorous and like some type of dream job.
Woke up, hit the gym, grabbed lunch with a friend, poker room is approx. 45 minutes away so phoned my name in to put it on the list for 1/3 and 2/5 (the biggest games they have lol). Drove to the casino only to find I was 9th on the list and they wouldn't have another table opening for another hour (and only 2 running atm). I guess I could have been tilted but grabbing a coffee and sitting in a lounge chair doing a little bit of half-assed meditation before my session couldn't hurt.
Eventually took my seat and all was fine and dandy like sour candy from the beginning. Won 2 buy ins rather quickly and was feeling great. Then proceeded to bleed back 1 buy in after a few hours of running cold in about every pot I played. It's tilting that in these games hands like: Q6ss, 47ss, T9o,J9o,22,ATo etc are like mandatory VPIPs regardless of sizing and positions under the standards of these players. (Tilting when you're bricking flops against them or they're sucking out I mean).
Basically, I got stacks in on turn on a dry board in a cold 4 bet pot with QQ (when I jam turn "PLEASE DON'T SNAP PLEASE DON'T SNAP". Then a bunch of like squeezing solid squeeze candidate hands/value hands such as KQss and then getting like a J73r board where the villain decided to peel J9o pre or lead T9ss or smth lol. Anyways, finished up a buy in so w/e not a terrible day but I really don't see myself doing that day in and day out for a sustainable period of time. We'll see.
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I'm gonna put my neck on the line with this post but it seems like a fitting time to make it as today is a "mental health awareness day" and I also had some negative experiences resurface recently. Full disclaimer: not claiming that I am 100% innocent or even close to it on this topic.
The other day I had another player whom I respect sort of give me a dickish response to something I posted, basically implying that I was retarted or something. I'm fairly confident the guy didn't mean for me to take offense but it was something that really irked me. My logical self asked "why are you letting some troll with 50k posts on a troll forum get to you?"
Like so many things the answers to these questions are often quite deep rooted and our emotional responses can be the result of stuff that happened in which we don't even consciously remember. One of my theories is that when we over-react to something or get "irked" by something that shouldn't bother us-there is some type of wound that didn't heal properly. Moreover, some type of coping mechanism we developed that got us through our past.
Here's a not so happy story from my past:
I started playing minor hockey in Fergus, Ontario when I was about 6 years old. One game our team needed a goalie and I decided I really wanted to try that position and ended up playing really well that game (from what I've been told). I guess I took a liking to the position and signed up to be the full time goalie for my team. I was a super shy kid and throughout my younger years always had a really difficult time adjusting to new social settings. I played in Fergus for another 3-4 years when my I got recruited by a higher level team in a bigger city, Guelph.
When I turned 10 I started playing AAA hockey which was the highest level of hockey in Ontario until 16. I sort of had the role of being the super quiet kid on the team who just showed up, worked hard, and did a good job at keeping pucks out of our net. I didn't go to school with any of those kids because I was from another town whereas many of them were friends their whole lives. Like I said I had a lot of difficulties in being close friends with my teammates probably because I was too shy and fearful of being rejected by them. I felt like if I just stayed quiet and did my job they couldn't reject me. After all, being accepted by the tribe is one of our most biological needs.
All went well for the next couple years on the team and I was growing into one of the top goalies in the province. I was probably on pace to play in the OHL which is the top league in the world for ages 16-21 where many players from there go to the NHL. I really regret not forming closer bonds with team mates during my minor hockey career as this is a place you can often foster life long friendships. To be honest, I wish I could have just been the kid that I was around my family and closest friends where I felt comfortable.
By the time I hit "Minor Midget" which is ~15 years old it was the most important year of my hockey career. This was where lots of scouts from OHL teams would attend the games and by the end of the year the OHL draft happened. Basically, if you weren't drafted to the OHL you had pretty slim chances at doing anything in hockey and would be relegated to smaller leagues to finish out your career.
This was a really important year so our team recruited a new coach who brought with him a few players that he had coached before. It was never stated but it definitely seemed like he had a pre-disposition to liking these players (and one or two of their moms). During the off-season our team took a bus up north to this hockey camp in wilderness. It was essentially a combination of fitness, hockey, and outdoor living. Basically, something you would think as a 15 year old with all your buddies would be a great time, right?
I don't remember quite clearly as to the circumstances of why this happened but there was some free time where my team was chilling in our cabin horsing around. I can't remember if I provoked him or why but one of the new kids on the team gave me a flying knee to the face (I think he was mad at me or something don't remember). To be honest in hindsight I would have just fought back but I was sort of stunned that a teammate would hurt me like this. I sat there for a minute dazed and a few players on my team told the guy to settle down and later came to check on me to make sure I was ok.
I already didn't feel overly accepted on that team and small and subtle "chirps" started to become really bothersome and hurtful. I remember the bus ride home I sat near the front of the bus and tried to sleep the whole way home because I just wanted to avoid it all and felt like I didn't have a friend on that team. I never talked to anybody about it and didn't want to show any weakness because "hockey players are tough" and I thought that might make the problem worse-who likes a rat?
Early in the season our team had a tournament far away so we had to stay in a hotel. We busted late one night and most families stayed an extra night in the hotel whereas my mom drove me home.
A few days later at practice our coaches were screaming at us because apparently my team (I wasn't there), decided to go around throwing eggs at buildings and cars near the hotel. The punishment was a "suicide skate" which essentially is skating until you puke. The whole time I didn't say a word about not being present in the event-nor would I have been throwing eggs at buildings even if I was there. I never complained or was acknowledged by the coaching staff about not being there. We win and lose as a team.
As the season progressed various dramas ensued. I remember after one game our coach screaming at us saying that the veteran players on the team (pointing to me and ~5 others) were playing favourites and treating the new players like dirt. I should have said "ermmm, do you have any clue what's been going on behind the scenes?" It didn't really matter because he was clearly trying to protect his "favourites". The veteran players on this team definitely had an uphill battle to win over the respect of this coach.
A few practices later I remember one of the new kids on the team throwing a snow ball at my face from point-blank and laughing about it. Again, I should have fought back. It was kind of upsetting because this was a kid who stuck up for me before which really made me feel betrayed. Anyways, I tried to stay composed and just do my job in net like I always did.
The final straw came one day after practise when I was just the laughing stock of 6-7 players left in the dressing room and some pretty harmful stuff was said. I've always been a pretty tough kid but for some reason I started tearing up a little bit on the drive home. My dad tried asking me what the problem was and I just told him my teammates were chirping me. -There's a difference between chirping and outright bullying. He basically started yelling at me telling me to "put up or shut up". I'm pretty sure somebody spoke up though because for the rest of the season nobody seemed to give me a tough time.
To be truthful I didn't enjoy playing hockey very much that year at all. Our team was pretty bad as per usual (always in the bottom 3/10 teams in the league). My head just wasn't in the game. I didn't work as hard or have the same motivation as I once did. In the past my coaches always seemed to love me but these guys seemed to be all about the other goalie. The final tournament of the year for our league happened and our team pulled off a massive upset and beat some of the best teams to win-I didn't play.
I received a concussion near the end of the season and my coaches told me they didn't think I was in game shape or ready to play. They might have been partially correct but I had always been a guy that brought his A game when the pressure was on. Anyways, I watched the last few games of the championships from the bench. After my team won I remember jumping onto the ice hugging them and getting in for the team group photo. Unlike when I took a loss with the team doing the suicide skate, I felt like I didn't take a win with them in the championship.
I was selected to the OHL under 17 camp and competed there against many players that now play in the NHL. Unfortunately, that would be the end of my hockey dream.
For my last few years of minor hockey I really wanted to focus on having fun, which should be the main priority for kids sports. Sometimes having fun and teaching kids valuable life lessons is lost in the plot. When I look back on it, yeah it was fun and I have so many cherished memories, as well as learning some invaluable life lessons. I dropped down to a lower league and played on my school hockey team for the last 2 years of my hockey career and can honestly say it was the most fun I'd ever had. When I was 17 or 18 I really started getting some confidence and coming out of my shell. Moreover, my social life in high school was really great and I'm still in frequent contact with some of my best friends from that era which I think I'll have for life. Going through those times made me a lot stronger person and forced me to work on some of my weaknesses. Shoutout to those teammates if for any reason any of them ever read this stuff. One or two of those guys who weren't very kind to me went on to have some serious mental/drug issues and one thing I've come to learn is that people who bully usually have something wrong with themselves-not the person they bully...and I know that first hand because I've been guilty of bullying before as well.
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This post wasn't meant to be a long winded sob story seeking sympathy. It was more written to create awareness for the fact that we're social beings and our happiness is directly linked to our approval and acceptance of groups. The next time you're going to say something mean or take a shot at someone think twice...you never know what they are going through or how much it will effect them.
And yes, I've been a d bag in the chat before to some guys and I apologize for that.
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This whole thing got pretty personal and resurfaced some not-so-fond memories. Tbh I still love those team mates and would still do anything for them today. Hope to re-connect with some of them in the future and laugh about all this stuff
Woke up, hit the gym, grabbed lunch with a friend, poker room is approx. 45 minutes away so phoned my name in to put it on the list for 1/3 and 2/5 (the biggest games they have lol). Drove to the casino only to find I was 9th on the list and they wouldn't have another table opening for another hour (and only 2 running atm). I guess I could have been tilted but grabbing a coffee and sitting in a lounge chair doing a little bit of half-assed meditation before my session couldn't hurt.
Eventually took my seat and all was fine and dandy like sour candy from the beginning. Won 2 buy ins rather quickly and was feeling great. Then proceeded to bleed back 1 buy in after a few hours of running cold in about every pot I played. It's tilting that in these games hands like: Q6ss, 47ss, T9o,J9o,22,ATo etc are like mandatory VPIPs regardless of sizing and positions under the standards of these players. (Tilting when you're bricking flops against them or they're sucking out I mean).
Basically, I got stacks in on turn on a dry board in a cold 4 bet pot with QQ (when I jam turn "PLEASE DON'T SNAP PLEASE DON'T SNAP". Then a bunch of like squeezing solid squeeze candidate hands/value hands such as KQss and then getting like a J73r board where the villain decided to peel J9o pre or lead T9ss or smth lol. Anyways, finished up a buy in so w/e not a terrible day but I really don't see myself doing that day in and day out for a sustainable period of time. We'll see.
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I'm gonna put my neck on the line with this post but it seems like a fitting time to make it as today is a "mental health awareness day" and I also had some negative experiences resurface recently. Full disclaimer: not claiming that I am 100% innocent or even close to it on this topic.
The other day I had another player whom I respect sort of give me a dickish response to something I posted, basically implying that I was retarted or something. I'm fairly confident the guy didn't mean for me to take offense but it was something that really irked me. My logical self asked "why are you letting some troll with 50k posts on a troll forum get to you?"
Like so many things the answers to these questions are often quite deep rooted and our emotional responses can be the result of stuff that happened in which we don't even consciously remember. One of my theories is that when we over-react to something or get "irked" by something that shouldn't bother us-there is some type of wound that didn't heal properly. Moreover, some type of coping mechanism we developed that got us through our past.
Here's a not so happy story from my past:
I started playing minor hockey in Fergus, Ontario when I was about 6 years old. One game our team needed a goalie and I decided I really wanted to try that position and ended up playing really well that game (from what I've been told). I guess I took a liking to the position and signed up to be the full time goalie for my team. I was a super shy kid and throughout my younger years always had a really difficult time adjusting to new social settings. I played in Fergus for another 3-4 years when my I got recruited by a higher level team in a bigger city, Guelph.
When I turned 10 I started playing AAA hockey which was the highest level of hockey in Ontario until 16. I sort of had the role of being the super quiet kid on the team who just showed up, worked hard, and did a good job at keeping pucks out of our net. I didn't go to school with any of those kids because I was from another town whereas many of them were friends their whole lives. Like I said I had a lot of difficulties in being close friends with my teammates probably because I was too shy and fearful of being rejected by them. I felt like if I just stayed quiet and did my job they couldn't reject me. After all, being accepted by the tribe is one of our most biological needs.
All went well for the next couple years on the team and I was growing into one of the top goalies in the province. I was probably on pace to play in the OHL which is the top league in the world for ages 16-21 where many players from there go to the NHL. I really regret not forming closer bonds with team mates during my minor hockey career as this is a place you can often foster life long friendships. To be honest, I wish I could have just been the kid that I was around my family and closest friends where I felt comfortable.
By the time I hit "Minor Midget" which is ~15 years old it was the most important year of my hockey career. This was where lots of scouts from OHL teams would attend the games and by the end of the year the OHL draft happened. Basically, if you weren't drafted to the OHL you had pretty slim chances at doing anything in hockey and would be relegated to smaller leagues to finish out your career.
This was a really important year so our team recruited a new coach who brought with him a few players that he had coached before. It was never stated but it definitely seemed like he had a pre-disposition to liking these players (and one or two of their moms). During the off-season our team took a bus up north to this hockey camp in wilderness. It was essentially a combination of fitness, hockey, and outdoor living. Basically, something you would think as a 15 year old with all your buddies would be a great time, right?
I don't remember quite clearly as to the circumstances of why this happened but there was some free time where my team was chilling in our cabin horsing around. I can't remember if I provoked him or why but one of the new kids on the team gave me a flying knee to the face (I think he was mad at me or something don't remember). To be honest in hindsight I would have just fought back but I was sort of stunned that a teammate would hurt me like this. I sat there for a minute dazed and a few players on my team told the guy to settle down and later came to check on me to make sure I was ok.
I already didn't feel overly accepted on that team and small and subtle "chirps" started to become really bothersome and hurtful. I remember the bus ride home I sat near the front of the bus and tried to sleep the whole way home because I just wanted to avoid it all and felt like I didn't have a friend on that team. I never talked to anybody about it and didn't want to show any weakness because "hockey players are tough" and I thought that might make the problem worse-who likes a rat?
Early in the season our team had a tournament far away so we had to stay in a hotel. We busted late one night and most families stayed an extra night in the hotel whereas my mom drove me home.
A few days later at practice our coaches were screaming at us because apparently my team (I wasn't there), decided to go around throwing eggs at buildings and cars near the hotel. The punishment was a "suicide skate" which essentially is skating until you puke. The whole time I didn't say a word about not being present in the event-nor would I have been throwing eggs at buildings even if I was there. I never complained or was acknowledged by the coaching staff about not being there. We win and lose as a team.
As the season progressed various dramas ensued. I remember after one game our coach screaming at us saying that the veteran players on the team (pointing to me and ~5 others) were playing favourites and treating the new players like dirt. I should have said "ermmm, do you have any clue what's been going on behind the scenes?" It didn't really matter because he was clearly trying to protect his "favourites". The veteran players on this team definitely had an uphill battle to win over the respect of this coach.
A few practices later I remember one of the new kids on the team throwing a snow ball at my face from point-blank and laughing about it. Again, I should have fought back. It was kind of upsetting because this was a kid who stuck up for me before which really made me feel betrayed. Anyways, I tried to stay composed and just do my job in net like I always did.
The final straw came one day after practise when I was just the laughing stock of 6-7 players left in the dressing room and some pretty harmful stuff was said. I've always been a pretty tough kid but for some reason I started tearing up a little bit on the drive home. My dad tried asking me what the problem was and I just told him my teammates were chirping me. -There's a difference between chirping and outright bullying. He basically started yelling at me telling me to "put up or shut up". I'm pretty sure somebody spoke up though because for the rest of the season nobody seemed to give me a tough time.
To be truthful I didn't enjoy playing hockey very much that year at all. Our team was pretty bad as per usual (always in the bottom 3/10 teams in the league). My head just wasn't in the game. I didn't work as hard or have the same motivation as I once did. In the past my coaches always seemed to love me but these guys seemed to be all about the other goalie. The final tournament of the year for our league happened and our team pulled off a massive upset and beat some of the best teams to win-I didn't play.
I received a concussion near the end of the season and my coaches told me they didn't think I was in game shape or ready to play. They might have been partially correct but I had always been a guy that brought his A game when the pressure was on. Anyways, I watched the last few games of the championships from the bench. After my team won I remember jumping onto the ice hugging them and getting in for the team group photo. Unlike when I took a loss with the team doing the suicide skate, I felt like I didn't take a win with them in the championship.
I was selected to the OHL under 17 camp and competed there against many players that now play in the NHL. Unfortunately, that would be the end of my hockey dream.
For my last few years of minor hockey I really wanted to focus on having fun, which should be the main priority for kids sports. Sometimes having fun and teaching kids valuable life lessons is lost in the plot. When I look back on it, yeah it was fun and I have so many cherished memories, as well as learning some invaluable life lessons. I dropped down to a lower league and played on my school hockey team for the last 2 years of my hockey career and can honestly say it was the most fun I'd ever had. When I was 17 or 18 I really started getting some confidence and coming out of my shell. Moreover, my social life in high school was really great and I'm still in frequent contact with some of my best friends from that era which I think I'll have for life. Going through those times made me a lot stronger person and forced me to work on some of my weaknesses. Shoutout to those teammates if for any reason any of them ever read this stuff. One or two of those guys who weren't very kind to me went on to have some serious mental/drug issues and one thing I've come to learn is that people who bully usually have something wrong with themselves-not the person they bully...and I know that first hand because I've been guilty of bullying before as well.
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This post wasn't meant to be a long winded sob story seeking sympathy. It was more written to create awareness for the fact that we're social beings and our happiness is directly linked to our approval and acceptance of groups. The next time you're going to say something mean or take a shot at someone think twice...you never know what they are going through or how much it will effect them.
And yes, I've been a d bag in the chat before to some guys and I apologize for that.
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This whole thing got pretty personal and resurfaced some not-so-fond memories. Tbh I still love those team mates and would still do anything for them today. Hope to re-connect with some of them in the future and laugh about all this stuff
02-04-2019
, 03:00 AM
Hey guys!
Poker's been going awesome and I've been crushing live games. Have been eating really healthy and hitting the gym regularly! Basically 100% GTO!!!
Let's just put it this way: things have not been good. I've been falling back into a bunch of bad habits which I thought were broken by the conclusion of 2018. I've been eating like a future regular that will be able to eat for free at "The Heart Attack Grill", my bankroll has been going down like free beer at a frat party, and my frequency at the gym rivals that of a lunar eclipse. Well, just kidding, I've at least been going to the gym fairly regularly and having decent intensity workouts.
If poker was going a lot better I'd probably have a lot more of an optimistic tone in this post but if I can be completely honest for a second: I'm losing hope and getting close to calling it quits with poker and starting a new chapter in my life. Ya know? Maybe a 9-5 job isn't as bad as many poker players seem to believe. Maybe it could be for the best for me? It's hard to imagine my life without this game but online poker seems to be a sinking ship and I'm not sure I want to go down with it.
I ran aids final 18 in some pretty big spots during the week so decided to try out a different type of street: the live street. My first 3 sessions went awesome, updated in my phone app after each session and was up approx ~900$ across 15 hours of playing. Then I'm like damn, maybe my hourly is pretty good in these live streets! Like the idiot I am I canceled my Super Bowl party and went to grind at this home game. Proceeded to lose every penny I'd earned in the previous 4 sessions and almost deeming them a waste of time. Pretty small stakes but still tilting af lol.
On the bright side of things I battled hard and didn't once get tilted. Really felt like I played well and made some really good exploit plays. Ran complete aids but I guess that's part of the journey right? I'd share some hand histories but 1) I don't want to recall them 2) There wasn't really much that was interesting. I'll share 1 I suppose cuz I got it in with like 5% equity on the turn lol.
Hand starts with me opening to 10$ with KQo in MP, was flatted by BTN and I believe 2 other players. Flop was Q69ssx , I bet 25$ BTN calls others fold. Turn was a blank 6, I bet ~65$ and villain jammed quickly, I think I only had like 85$ behind or something. After tanking for a bit the villain shows me the 8s. I elected to tank call and he had 68o.
I think going for value on the turn here is pretty reasonable as I figured the 6 was a fairly irrelevant card and it's pretty likely I had the best hand+my hand obviously needs protection. When he jammed my immediate feeling was that he wasn't bluffing but then again it was tough for him to have a hand that beats mine? Would think most better hands raise flop and the only stuff with 6x in it was like 67 or 68ss (so I thought). I don't think I was folding regardless but when he showed me the 8s I was like hmm I guess 68ss? He ended up having 68o and I probably should have went with my initial read+doubt he actually shows me the 8s if he wanted a fold lol. The hand ranges in live poker are just absurdly wider than online poker but w/e will adjust in future. NH to that guy if he reads this as he said he reads this thread sometimes
------------
Anyways, I'm turning 27 in a few days and I need to start figuring my **** out. Either go full in on poker or quit...this middle ground **** is only harming me more than any other option.
Message to future self waking up 12 hours from now: Don't be a ****ing moron. Go to the gym. Start eating healthy. Run some sims in pio. Watch some training videos. Don't binge watch "Meat Eater" on Netflix all day. Get out of this slump and start working harder.
^I have this Jekyll and Hyde relationship with my future self. Go to bed feeling these motivation sparks and then wake up and piss the day away.
To end this on a positive note: the dating life has been going a lot better lately and it's picking up some steam. With so many hours of poker in the last few years it's been tough to be emotionally connected and present to the moment. Spending time with girls and just taking my mind off poker for a while has been really really beneficial and helping me feel like more of a human lol.
One thing I can say is that you don't learn much about yourself in your upswings, especially in tournaments. I'll go out on a limb and say that is much the same for life-you don't really learn or grow that much when everything is going well. I like to think that all of these bumps in the road are just another part of the journey and an opportunity to grow in the future. It's a much tougher test of character when you've been on the losing end of the stick: am I losing with class? am I working as hard as I could be? Could I fold that KQ on the turn? Am I waking up in the morning with resilience and ready to give it my all this week?
I'll leave you guys with this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBHwYaVXH7g
Thanks for reading and GL
Poker's been going awesome and I've been crushing live games. Have been eating really healthy and hitting the gym regularly! Basically 100% GTO!!!
Spoiler:
Let's just put it this way: things have not been good. I've been falling back into a bunch of bad habits which I thought were broken by the conclusion of 2018. I've been eating like a future regular that will be able to eat for free at "The Heart Attack Grill", my bankroll has been going down like free beer at a frat party, and my frequency at the gym rivals that of a lunar eclipse. Well, just kidding, I've at least been going to the gym fairly regularly and having decent intensity workouts.
If poker was going a lot better I'd probably have a lot more of an optimistic tone in this post but if I can be completely honest for a second: I'm losing hope and getting close to calling it quits with poker and starting a new chapter in my life. Ya know? Maybe a 9-5 job isn't as bad as many poker players seem to believe. Maybe it could be for the best for me? It's hard to imagine my life without this game but online poker seems to be a sinking ship and I'm not sure I want to go down with it.
I ran aids final 18 in some pretty big spots during the week so decided to try out a different type of street: the live street. My first 3 sessions went awesome, updated in my phone app after each session and was up approx ~900$ across 15 hours of playing. Then I'm like damn, maybe my hourly is pretty good in these live streets! Like the idiot I am I canceled my Super Bowl party and went to grind at this home game. Proceeded to lose every penny I'd earned in the previous 4 sessions and almost deeming them a waste of time. Pretty small stakes but still tilting af lol.
On the bright side of things I battled hard and didn't once get tilted. Really felt like I played well and made some really good exploit plays. Ran complete aids but I guess that's part of the journey right? I'd share some hand histories but 1) I don't want to recall them 2) There wasn't really much that was interesting. I'll share 1 I suppose cuz I got it in with like 5% equity on the turn lol.
Hand starts with me opening to 10$ with KQo in MP, was flatted by BTN and I believe 2 other players. Flop was Q69ssx , I bet 25$ BTN calls others fold. Turn was a blank 6, I bet ~65$ and villain jammed quickly, I think I only had like 85$ behind or something. After tanking for a bit the villain shows me the 8s. I elected to tank call and he had 68o.
I think going for value on the turn here is pretty reasonable as I figured the 6 was a fairly irrelevant card and it's pretty likely I had the best hand+my hand obviously needs protection. When he jammed my immediate feeling was that he wasn't bluffing but then again it was tough for him to have a hand that beats mine? Would think most better hands raise flop and the only stuff with 6x in it was like 67 or 68ss (so I thought). I don't think I was folding regardless but when he showed me the 8s I was like hmm I guess 68ss? He ended up having 68o and I probably should have went with my initial read+doubt he actually shows me the 8s if he wanted a fold lol. The hand ranges in live poker are just absurdly wider than online poker but w/e will adjust in future. NH to that guy if he reads this as he said he reads this thread sometimes
------------
Anyways, I'm turning 27 in a few days and I need to start figuring my **** out. Either go full in on poker or quit...this middle ground **** is only harming me more than any other option.
Message to future self waking up 12 hours from now: Don't be a ****ing moron. Go to the gym. Start eating healthy. Run some sims in pio. Watch some training videos. Don't binge watch "Meat Eater" on Netflix all day. Get out of this slump and start working harder.
^I have this Jekyll and Hyde relationship with my future self. Go to bed feeling these motivation sparks and then wake up and piss the day away.
To end this on a positive note: the dating life has been going a lot better lately and it's picking up some steam. With so many hours of poker in the last few years it's been tough to be emotionally connected and present to the moment. Spending time with girls and just taking my mind off poker for a while has been really really beneficial and helping me feel like more of a human lol.
One thing I can say is that you don't learn much about yourself in your upswings, especially in tournaments. I'll go out on a limb and say that is much the same for life-you don't really learn or grow that much when everything is going well. I like to think that all of these bumps in the road are just another part of the journey and an opportunity to grow in the future. It's a much tougher test of character when you've been on the losing end of the stick: am I losing with class? am I working as hard as I could be? Could I fold that KQ on the turn? Am I waking up in the morning with resilience and ready to give it my all this week?
I'll leave you guys with this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBHwYaVXH7g
Thanks for reading and GL