You also mention that “I am not into polyamory as much as I am into non-monogamy.” Why is that distinction important to you?

There are many ways to be polyamorous, and without saying that some ways are right or wrong, I treat it first and foremost as a rejection of relationship norms, and this means possessiveness, jealousy, and unhealthy restrictions. Having multiple partners is just a possible result of that. To me, being with only one partner is perfectly valid and healthy option, but I don't believe the reasons should stem from being socialized to accept monogamy as the norm; if I were to ask you why you are in an exclusive relationship, there can be many reasons, but "because that's the way it's done" shouldn't be one of them. For people who are able to be completely or adequately satisfied with one partner, sexually, intellectually, emotionally, and logistically (some people might have multiple partners purely on the basis of living far apart or having to travel, and I think that is an absolutely valid reason), there might be no reason to have more than one partner, but I think it's clear that this is usually not the case. Does not being entirely satisfied mean one must have multiple partners? No, life is not perfect, and compromise is part of it, but polyamory is a valid option for many people that is usually rejected out of hand.

I've known, first, second, and third hand, of people who think it's better to cheat in a monogamous relationship, rather than to openly admit their incompatibilities with a monogamous lifestyle and just be poly or have an open relationship, and that confuses me greatly, and convinces me how much people's objection to polyamory is not of the substance of polyamory, in its myriad of forms, but because any open acceptance of a lifestyle that deviates fundamentally from the golden standard of heteronormative relationships is the same as failure.

And because of this, I think it's important to focus not on how many relationships one has, but on the erosion of unhealthy and toxic boundaries or expectations, especially those linked with traditional monogamy, thus why I think it's more accurate to refer to my philosophy as "non-monogamy" as opposed to "polyamory". If one feels compelled to have multiple partners just because they are poly, as some people are, then that's also restrictive and unhealthy. I know of people who try to guilt others into relationships by saying that it's narrowminded of them to say no, or that they aren't really poly if they have qualms over dating someone due to the misgivings of another partner--polyamory, of course, doesn't necessarily mean ignoring the feelings of your partners, or rejection of all rules and boundaries. For me, at least, it's about communication and honesty, and working out fair and healthy boundaries for its participants, and not relying on preset rules, like monogamy, that might be a "safe" basis of relationship for society at large (especially in the past), but are likely not the optimal relationship set up for individuals.