A few thoughts Zombie :

- I snap-shove with the AQo vs the CO 6bbs shove and the SB call with my 9bbs. Not only does it seem like a too high +EV chip spot to pass up on, but I would view not making it to Day 2 as (positively) an opportunity to either register another tournament, play some cash games, play online or take the day off

- I find that meta-game that you mentioned of wanting to make it to Day 2, very underrated imho. The same applies to the last hand before a break. Many rec players (and OMCs particularly) do not want to bust in such a situation. This is where I oftentimes go for a BIG bluff (like triple-barreling without blockers), as the fold equity just goes massively up.

- On the 864 flop, I prefer to lead in this spot. While this board hits the BBs range strongly, this is a limp pot, so it kinda hits everyone similarly, yet many cards will come on the turn where you do not know where you are at (wide ranges because of the limp pot) and would also slightly kill your value. So I prefer to donk bet and the J turn could go both ways (bet or x/c). The hand might of played out exactly the same way in the end, but I just prefer to lead as a default strategy in this spot.

Ever watch some RIO videos? I find them to be quite refreshing for ranges, ICM situations etc.

The metagame aspects going on in my head were all over the place w/ the AQ hand. I let the emotion of making day 2 of the tournament at any cost, outweigh reason. In that scenario, I knew what the correct play was, but I let emotion dictate my action. I even justified my play to myself by picking up on some "physical" things that I imagined were there, saying that v('s) seemed strong so I can find a fold, that in reality weren't present, or if they were there I wasn't actually picking up on them.

I like that big bluff right before a break concept. This is a concept I would like to give some more thought to, as well as its application to my game. It also conjures to mind that there are perhaps several other opportunities such as this, that go beyond the cards where we can pick up chips that others aren't thinking of, and can't see.

One reason I erred on the x/c line otf, was my thinking that my hand ranks pretty strong and even a bit disguised. With that in mind, I didn't want to compromise any equity by opening the door for my opponent to go nuts with a hand that is behind, but a stack size, and position, that can put me in a tricky situation. I felt that by x/c otf, my opponent would be less likely to apply pressure/go for thinnish value. However, I can see where my opponent would be aware of the fact that, if I connect with this board, it is not a hand that can stand a lot of pressure and will probably be betting more liberally, a line of thinking that I myself would employ anyway.

Overall, I think you are correct that a lead otf is overall a better line. Also, as you alluded, I think that a bet or x/c, is the line for the turn, and the J coming down is not a turn card that I am going to fold to. Strong likelyhood that this hand plays no differently, as I had a feeling that this opponent was looking for a spot to play a big hand, and felt like he was on the verge of going nuts, with or without a hand, at any moment. It sucked that V hit a perfect runout for his exact hand, because many other cards that come on the turn change my line, and nearly any other card, I feel, otr has the action going x/x. I don't think this opponent is going for thin value even with an A otr.

I had meant to put out feelers to see what people thought of as quality tournament study material, and in particular the thoughts that were out there for RIO. I have seen a few poster's mention that they use RIO, but I have sort of balked at the price for a subscription. I may have to bite the bullet and give them a shot for a month and see what my thoughts are after that span of time.

Hand 1: Think we need to lead out on the flop. you have chip lead over the players in the hand, along with a vulnerable top pair. We need to bet this in a limped pot.

As played, fold river. This is a bad card for our hand as many straights complete. And the hands that don't have a straight have two pair likely. Along with this, this player hasn't played a hand in two hours. There are better spots for sure imo.

Hand 2: GII. You are WAY ahead of COs range. Also, they may just be shoving looking to double up or not have to come for day 2 with 6bb. Our hand is too good, and our stack is too short.

^ohsnapzbrah

I certainly agree with you, and Dubnjoy, about the line for hand 1 after hearing your thoughts. One point that you make stands out to me though, and that was your stating that I have the chip lead. Could you expand on this point a bit, as I am not sure I am completely understanding the gravity of this point and think there is something to it. I can be a little dim.

Great points on hand 2. I especially enjoy the addition of the met-game considerations, as my eyes are continually being opened to this facet of the game.

Of course. In hand 1, with the largest chip stack in the hand, you have the power to knock the other opponents out of the tournament. The same cannot be said for them. Therefore, they have to fear your stack and bets. They're going to bluff less into you, and fold a bit more to your bets.

That really makes a lot of sense seeing it spelled out like that. That will be yet another consideration to keep in mind during tournaments. Thanks for that insight, ohsnapzbrah!

Week 31:
[6/7] Meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes each day
[5/7] Exercise a minimum of 4 days each week. (minimum of 25 minute workout)
[7/7] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate
[0:45 hours] 600 hours of live poker 99:15
[5:30 hours] 400 hours of online poker 442:20
[2/7, 0/3] No more than 3 alcoholic drinks in a day.

I knew that this was going to be a rocky week on the goals front. One of the only remaining close friends that I had still living in the town in which I do, has now taken off to live across the country in Portland, OR. Most of the time that I spent off the wagon and generally neglecting my goals were in the company of sending my buddy off. It is sad to see my pal leave, but we are both now in a position to improve our lives in many different facets.

I started off the week strong with my meditation practice, 3 straight days of 15 minutes. Then I missed a day completely, and followed up the whiff with days of 8 and 10 minutes. I'm not pleased with missing a day entirely, but meditation is still an ongoing learning process for me. I do feel encouraged by the progress I have made in, and through, meditation this year however.

My exercise/fitness efforts seem a bit meh. I was able to get in 5 workouts this week, as well as 3 runs. One day say me up my distance to 2 miles, which is a minor achievement, but a move in the right direction.

Poker volume was close to non existent. The one live session that I played didn't take place until approx. 1 a.m. and that took a good 45 minutes to get a seat in the only game running at the time. By the 30 minute mark in the game, my buddy didn't have any further gamble in him and was ready to split. In that single short session I win +$164. While I didn't get much volume in online, I was the recipient of a few opponents spew and I picked up $50. I am getting to a point where I am starting to think about if and how I want to take money off of my online roll. With a Paypal option off the table now for withdraw, I am questioning the security of providing bank information, and at what amount is a withdraw worth the risk. That is something that I will have to give some thought to.

I mentioned above my foray into some deep leisure activities this past week. I went on the booze this week, but that was something that I had sort of made my mind up before the start of the week was going to happen. Amidst my drinking this week, I began to think how dump gratuitous drinking is, along with being unproductive. Don't get me wrong, drinking copious amounts with a group of friends once in awhile is great for the soul, in my opinion, but my current style of drinking is on its way out.

So, I am going to close out this post with my week specific goals for week 32:
30 hours of live poker
7 hours average sleep/night
7 days of meditation, 15 minutes total/day
6 straight days of no alcohol
6 days of exercise, 35 minute/day
6 miles of run

Going to try and push myself into the next higher strata this week.

$20k bankroll chase: $5,061

Have you given the crypto poker sites any thoughts for Security reasons, ZombieApoc?

Also, wanted to add this about taking exploitative edges exclusive to tournaments like end of day/last hand before break etc. IMHO, since edges are are not what they use to be (especially in 2-5k BIs) and the fact that people will oftentimes slow down the amount of hands per hour we get with unnecessary tanking, I feel the need to pounce on every spot. Another one that applies to me specifically, is my table image : I am a MAWG and really do not behave like a pro (I purposely act fast and non-deliberately, talk a lot of non-poker subjects, put on a nice shirt etc.), I will take nutty-fishy looking lines with bluffs like min-raising, looking down at my cards when a 3 flush flop comes (I know my suits but make it look like a fd with a made hand) and other lines that I simply would not apply in cash games. Anyhow, just some thoughts

Those are all great thoughts that I am going to happily continue digestting, Dubnjoy. I think that I tend to forget about my imagine more often than I should. I had a weak/passive older man limp call my pf raise last night w/ 93cc, board comes out 35JTr, and this opponent goes x/c, x/c, otf & ott. After I shut down otr and say A high, opponent shows an older man sitting next to him his 3 triumphantly as to say, "see there, we can hang in there with bottom pair because these young punks never have it."

As I was typing that experience above, I just realized something that I am sure is ever present in other, better, players minds, but alas goes in and out of consciousness for me. That being, our image isn't objective at all, and varies greatly according to who our opponent is. Again, that is probably rudimentary for most decent poker players, but I am continually rediscovering things that I know/have learned a long time ago, but have trouble balancing in my mind with all of the other confluence of thoughts floating around in my head.

As far as crypto sites go, I had used to crypto to deposit & withdraw on ACR middle of last year to early this year. The games began to feel trashy and I don't really play there much anymore. I looked at Iginition, and they were requiring me to provide banking information to deposit with crypto and felt like that totally defeated the purpose of what I was trying to do. Do you have any suggestion on sites that I should take a look at?

A few HH's

Hand 1:
Hero, $300, tight, button, K5
V1, $125, weak passive, UTG
V2, $350, a bit loose, tried to smaller sized river bluff against me earlier, MP
V3, $215, young Asian male, seems to be a bit loose-splashy, HJ

All v's limp to hero, I raise to $12. V1 calls, V2 folds, V3 calls.
Pot: $36
Flop: 676

V1 checks, V3 bets $25, hero calls, v1 folds.
Pot: $86
Turn: 5

V3 bets $50 pretty quick and I call. *physical actions: V3 is pretty rapidly tapping his leg and generally seems excited. However, this has been a part of his demeanor throughout his time at the table. Pot: $186
River: 5

V3 goes all in for $111. I wish that I could say that I have some specific read on my opponent here, or that I have a really defined range of hands for V3 that includes a few that I beat, but I really don't. In the end I simply say that I am not good enough to fold here and make the call. V3

Hand 2:
Hero, $400, TAG, AQ, SB
V1, $125, weak passive, UTG+1
V2, $350, late 30's Hispanic man, loose, does a lot of raising pf and betting post flop, LAG, HJ

V1 raises to $6, both V2 and I call.
Pot: $18
Flop: AT7

Action checks around.
Pot: $18
Turn: J

I bet $12, V1 calls, and V2 raises to $50. I call and V1 folds.
Pot: $130
River: 6

I check and V2 causally double checks the board and river card mid conversation with his buddy sitting behind him, and bets $90. Hero?

Hand 3:
Less formal setup for this hand, but this hand included V2 from hand 2. Hero is in the SB w/ JJ. There is one MP limp and V2 raises to $15 from the CO (similar stack sizes to those in hand 2 between V2 and I). I 3b to $40 and action folds back to V2, who think for a few seconds and then reluctantly puts in the call (after making a comment that expresses shock that I am 3b!). Flop comes, 942. I check back trying to allow V2 to bet and I am looking to x/r. V2 checks it back. Turn is Q and I don't see this as a great card to bet, and check. V2 bets $50 and I call. River is Kx, and again I don't see this as a great card to bet and check. V2 bets out $80, and I think for a minute and decide that I think V2 has plenty of bluffs and and worse pairs in his range and make the call. V2 shows

I made it over 8 hours in the session on Monday night, trying to set the pace for making it to 30 hours this week. I have plans for at least two more nights of play this week, and Sunday afternoon. The games have been pretty good the last few sessions that I have played, but I can't seem to get a hand to capitalize on any of the good spots. Most of the spots that I have been getting into have been very borderline. I guess that I will be patiently waiting until the cards turn around.

Week 32:
[7/7] Meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes each day
[5/7] Exercise a minimum of 4 days each week. (minimum of 25 minute workout)
[5/7] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate
[27:55 hours] 600 hours of live poker 127:10
[3 hours] 400 hours of online poker 445:20
[6/7, 6/3] No more than 3 alcoholic drinks in a day.

To begin things I will detail how I did with my week specific goals.

[ ]30 hours of live poker
[X]7 hours average sleep/night
[ ]7 days of meditation, 15 minutes total/day
[X]6 straight days of no alcohol
[ ]6 days of exercise, 35 minute/day
[X]6 miles of run

I fell 2 hours short of my goal to get in 30 hours of live play this week. The shortfall was basically due to not getting out the door on one of the days that I had scheduled to play. In all honesty, playing a bunch of hours in a day/week/year would never be a problem for me, but the 2+ hour drive to and from the casino day in and day out is beyond a drag. More on poker in another post I believe.

The drinking sabbatical coincided with some good sleep for the week. I recently began wearing a fitbit. Before doing so, I wasn't aware of how little sleep that I was getting each night. Getting 7 hours each night this pat week (sans 1 night) seemed to make a big difference and had me waking up quite clear headed and read to tackle each day.

I got in 15 minutes of meditation Monday-Saturday, and 10 minutes of meditation on Sunday. So I fell 1 day short of my 15 minute mark, but I did get 6 straight days of 15 minutes of meditation and that felt great.

I was able to go the 6 straight days of no alcohol. This sobriety streak was probably the easiest of all the goals. I realized through this dry spell, that alcohol really isn't a true problem for me. I can easily stop drinking anytime that I want. However, the boredom of not drinking is the most difficult aspect of the deal. The boredom I can deal with though. The best part of not drinking, much like getting adequate sleep, was the clear head that I was blessed with waking up with each morning.

The workout goal also fell a bit short, in the amount of days that I worked out. I missed the mark by 1 day, but I did happen to average over 35 minutes/workout for the 5 days that I got after it. This goal being met hinged on me working out on Sunday and I had a short turn around to be at the card room early on Sunday for a promotional drawing and pretty much submerged most of my day. I was able to make it to 6 miles of running this week, at 6.5 miles.

I am planning on a separate post that will touch on the progress of my yearly goals. I will also include some thoughts I have on a few various topics. I just think that I am quite up to it at this point.

$20K bankroll chase: $5,141

So, I wanted to elaborate a bit more on one of my yearly/weekly goals. "[5/7] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate". I fell short of love and compassion on two days from last week. The first day that I fell short was on Monday, and in the book where I track and tally my progress throughout the day, I had a question mark. Well, I believe that if I am not certain that I have met a goal, than I didn't meet the goal, and thus that day was permanently changed to a "no."

The day that was a more resounding "no" for the goal area of discussion, was yesterday. This past week saw me play more hours throughout the week than I have played in a long while. My session results went something like this; 8/6(-$310 in 8 hours 19 minutes), 8/10(+$577 in 8 hours 34 minutes), 8/11(+$348 in 5 hours 58 minutes), 8/12(-$535 in 5 hours 4 minutes).

So the week was a roller coaster in the results department. I felt greatly attached to the results this past week. I felt like I was my results. When I booked a loss, I was a loser. When I booked a win, I was a winner. Yesterday, I gave most of my positive results for the week back. Yesterday I turned Broadway and got two players all in ott, and one of them hit their flush otr and I lost a stack. I got set over set on a flop, then boated ott and paid my opponent off for a stack. Blah, blah, blah. I remember being in the hand that I mentioned where I had broadway ott, and thinking to myself, I am not going to be angry if I lose this hand. I told myself that I can lose this hand, that is a very real possibility. I tried to prepare myself for the loss, but then I saw my opponents 97 and I sank.

Topping off the debacle that was my poker experience yesterday, I had been putting in a higher volume than usual for cash drawing tickets that were offered for hours played in the previous two weeks. The drawings were yesterday, and I failed to realize that each player was responsible for depositing their drawing tickets into the virtual drum until the 4th of 5 drawings. So, I was sitting their like a dolt, thinking that I had the possibility to win a cash drawing that I hadn't even entered myself into. I'm a dullard.

As I sit typing this out, I realize that I am not out. I battled through the horrendous mindset that I had yesterday and I was actually able to salvage some time spent in love and compassion with my family. However, I could not in good conscience say that I met this goal area, since I spent so much time self-loathing over my setbacks. Sometimes knowing things about yourself, and finding out things about yourself, is a son of a *****, but in the long run I am going to grow.

So, that feels like enough elaboration on my sucking. I'm over it, and I feel great turning the page to a new week and another opportunity to experience both the pain and pleasure of growth. I also relish the chance to transcend results, and refocus on preparation.

For this week, the goals are such:
20 hours of live poker
10 hours of online poker
15 minutes/day of meditation
no more than 3 alcoholic drinks on any day
5 workouts of 35 minutes
Not being a little ***** that ties his self-worth to poker results
Be a good human being

Week 33:
[5/7] Meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes each day
[6/7] Exercise a minimum of 4 days each week. (minimum of 25 minute workout)
[7/7] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate
[6:05 hours] 600 hours of live poker 133:15
[3:15 hours] 400 hours of online poker 448:35
[3/7, 0/3] No more than 3 alcoholic drinks in a day.

This week I did a couple of things well. I got in a great amount of exercise which was both robust in variety and energy expenditure. I was also a pretty decent human being to those around me. Unfortunately, I did a lot of **** poorly and I lacked in so many departments that I don't think that I will even go over all of the failures. Not for avoiding the shame that goes with falling short. More for saving time and getting to work on reversing course with week 34.

$20k Bankroll Chase: $5,820

Week 34:
[5/7] Meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes each day
[3/7] Exercise a minimum of 4 days each week. (minimum of 25 minute workout)
[7/7] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate
[5:31 hours] 600 hours of live poker 138:46
[4:30 hours] 400 hours of online poker 453:05
[3/7, 0/3] No more than 3 alcoholic drinks in a day.

A lot of similarities in the numbers to last week's. I had fewer days of exercises, but two days were dedicated to mowing(push) the lawn at my sister's new place, and my parents place. It took me 4+ hours to mow, weed eat, edge, and rake the lawn at my sister's. It's not so much that the yard is huge, as it was that the grass is thick, and was very tall. Just to put into scope the yard mowing, on my fitbit tracker the most steps that I had tracked in a day from the previous month or so was ~14k. On my extended mowing day I had 26k steps logged.

I missed a couple of days with my meditation, and a couple of days of exercise were lost, but I like where my mind was at this past week. Along with my lawn care services, some time was also dedicated to moving belongings and furniture from an upstairs apartment, so I was still physically active, even though I wasn't technically focusing on a workout. It also just feel's really good to do things for others.

I posted 1 live session that saw me lose $212. The loss pretty much boiled down to me getting all-in preflop with JJ in a 5b pot for 190bb. Yeah, I thought that villain was much looser than I would come to find that he was, and the JJ was the 4th hand in a row that I had raised preflop. All that said, this is definitely a spot that I should have been able to avoid but I haven't punted in a long time and was due I guess.

On the internet poker front, I worked near the end of the week to get a cashout initiated for $436. My total online deposit amount is $70, so that's an okay come up that I plan to put into the $20k bankroll chase. I won't be including it until the money hits my account though. I retained $25 in my online account, and I am going to exercise a small bankroll build there toward $2,500.

Pictured is a tasty red that I picked up recently for about $16. I am transitioning into drinking a glass of red wine with dinner and this was the first bottle in the experiment. I don't have a developed palate on wine, so I can't really begin to define any tasting notes outside of good/bad. Therefore, this wine tastes good... to me.



$20k bankroll chase: $5,608

Week 35:
[6/7] Meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes each day
[4/7] Exercise a minimum of 4 days each week. (minimum of 25 minute workout)
[7/7] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate
[0 hours] 600 hours of live poker 138:46
[14 hours] 400 hours of online poker 507:05
[2/7, 0/3] No more than 3 alcoholic drinks in a day.

Had some positive notes this week, along with some setbacks. My meditation practice was okay for the week. There was only the single day that I missed meditating, and I simply got to the end of the day before I remembered, and I decided to just go to sleep instead of trying to squeeze in a meditation. I listened to a few guided meditations this past week as well. I found one of the guided meditations really assisting with my breathing and my focus on such. I had a couple of refreshing and insightful moments in my meditations as well, that I may choose to share at some point.

There wasn't much that changed with my exercise routine, either in duration or rigor. I put in a few runs and went over 2 miles with one. I did incorporate a few new movements in however; Lateral moving mountain climbers, lateral lunge to a reverse lunge switch, & bear plank to push-up plank.

I played no live poker this week, and put in a small amount of online hours. I made a tiny move in the direction of my online bankroll move to $2,500 from $25. There is a tournament series running at my poker room. I am considering playing in a satty to the main. The main event would be this weekend. I was able to get my initial cashout off of Global Poker for +$436, which will be going into the $20k bankroll challenge. In addition I have $200 coming in from an August promo at the poker room that will go towards the bankroll chase, in addition to any possible money that I make in the August freeroll tournament.

Simply, I am going to attempt to be better with temperance this week.

$20k bankroll chase: $6,045

Week 36:
[5/7] Meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes each day
[3/7] Exercise a minimum of 4 days each week. (minimum of 25 minute workout)
[7/7] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate
[0 hours] 600 hours of live poker 138:46
[7 hours] 400 hours of online poker 514:05
[1/7, 0/3] No more than 3 alcoholic drinks in a day.

I think that I looked at week 36 and said to myself, "Let's see if we can put in less effort than that turd." In reality, I didn't say this, but that is what it looks like written out. In meditation I couldn't get my mind to quiet down. I missed at least two days of exercise that I shouldn't have. I didn't play any live poker to whittle away at the massive amount of hours that I have remaining. I put in minimal hours online. I over consumed alcohol every day save one.

I am going to be more strident in my approach this week. I didn't get off to the best of starts today, but tomorrow I am going to try and dip into a resivor of strength to correct the path.In other news, I picked up $200 from the poker room for my hours played last month and that will go towards the bankroll chase.

$20k bankroll chase: $6,245

I got up early this morning to play in the freeroll tournament for hours played in the month of August. There were 95 people playing that qualified, which was by far the most that I have seen in one of these events. Once the field plays down to 20 people, everyone automatically receives $1k. The most action I had was buying up all of the small chips to race them off. I ended up busting w/ AJo when I shoved ~13bb over an ep 1.5x raise and run into AK. Not really any disappointment in this on my part. Today has been pretty great overall actually. Saturday's may be my favorite, especially this time of the year (sports).

Week 36:
[5/7] Meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes each day
[3/7] Exercise a minimum of 4 days each week. (minimum of 25 minute workout)
[6/7] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate
[1:45 hours] 600 hours of live poker 140:30
[13:50 hours] 400 hours of online poker 527:55
[4/7, 0/3] No more than 3 alcoholic drinks in a day.

From a numbers perspective, this week looks very similar to the week previous. It actually feels very similar as well. I did far less drinking over the breadth of the week, but a couple of days drinking rivaled my most defiling days.

I was pleased with my meditation practice for the most part, but I am disappointing that I missed out on sitting every day. My exercise routine was pretty lackluster. I am not pleased with my exercise output. This is one thing that will for sure change this week. I am going to work out at least 6 days this week, and get back on track.

The only live poker that I played this week was that which I alluded to in my previous post. Live poker seems very dreary to me at the moment. I spend most of my time at the table day dreaming about all of the better, more productive things that I could be doing. This does not seem like the most positive of mindsets to be in. So, I have been avoiding the feeling of forcing myself to put in live hours.

On the other hand, I have been enjoying the hours that I am putting in online. I still am not throwing up a large volume of hours online weekly, but I am trending up, of this last week is any evidence. I am going to shoot for 20 hours online this week as I continue to pursue $2,500 from $25.

This week the plans are for:
7 days of meditation
6 days of exercise
Love, compassion, and understanding for all
1 live poker session
20 hours of play online
1 day of no alcohol
6 days not exceeding 3 alcoholic beverages

$20k bankroll chase: $6,235 (-$10 from freeroll add-on)

Zombie, when you do the love and compassion for all, is it a few minutes in the day where you send out positive vibes to all forms of life (what is called metta in Buddhism), or is it a general attitude that you try to maintain throughout the whole day?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1C8...=RDI1C8i4Ip28Q

I try to do a little bit of both. When I am meditating, I will take a couple of minutes of focus to put myself in the shoes of others (to the extent that one can), and permeate vibes of positivity and love. In my day to day life, I have found that the few minutes of contemplation I spend during meditation, have allowed me to more quickly recognize the emotion that I am experiencing and then be able to move on to a more altruistic attitude.

My "wolf of love/hate" metric is really just a way for me to maintain recognition of my battle with a default emotional state. My goal is to be able to recognize my emotional state in the the trenches of day to day life, and not succumb to it. Not just a blind postitivty, but an understanding that people are who they are, and are fighting battles of their own.

I'm not sure that makes sense. I hope that it does. I found it difficult trying to articulate my thoughts on the matter. Maybe you have some follow-up to what I was able to express that would help me down a path of more salient expression. That Vipassana Chant was very calming, thank you for sharing that.

I am going to start doing some daily/semi-daily updating of this thread. Primarily the update will include my daily online play that will track my $25-$2,500 path, which I started 2 weeks ago, and I am currently sitting at $65.48. Most days I will be playing 3 hours online at 4nl. That is usually more than enough play to qualify for the nightly $500 $0.11 tourney. Once I get to $80, I will move up to 10nl, and won't move back down unless I drop to $50. Additionally, I will post a daily update for any live sessions that I play as well.

I am doing this as a way to hopefully maintain some accountability with my play. Maybe this will spurn me on, or burn me out. Either way, it should be better than the limbo that I feel like I am constantly in with regard to my personal trajectory. Update on the days play later this evening.

Not much to add really, was moreso curious on your practice/experience... I practice a similar deliberate shedding of loving compassion. What I can say though from my personal growth, is that when I was the male manager for the first time during a 10 day vipassana course, and was thus responsible of the welfare of the male student meditators, I naturally developed more altruistic selflessness : I was sincerely invested in their spiritual evolution Magic happens in one of these course and am happy I am much better person that I use to be/less egotistical, even if the path is so fracking long

Dubn, as always, thanks for your insights and contributions. I feel like you draw my thinking to a deeper level. I don't really have much experience with meditation, outside of my self stud; watching youtube videos, reading Zen Mind Beginner's Mind, random excerpts here and there.

My practice has basically been utilizing the materials mentioned above and sitting quietly and concentrating on my breathing, while trying to push the duration of each sit continually longer. I was just reading something today that scaled the retention of learning in individuals, and I believe that (a rough estimate) had 90% of what we teach as being retained most reliable. Therefore, I could certainly see how how your position led to a greater depth of understanding in regard to what the practice was probably instituted to instill.

I must say, your discussion of your recent tournament scores in your thread, and the recognition that they have brought you with your family/friends/peers, peeked my interest. That want of recognition (not trying to say that you solely seeking the recognition) seems like a vestige that we may never truly escape outside of the highest sense of enlightenment? I personally returned to a sense of "wanting to prove myself," after reading of your scores. Deep down, I think that feeling may never leave me, for better or for worse.

Indeed. And seeking validation through others is definitely a form of egostical insecurity, yet we exist through our peers ; after all, we remain interdependent and some might attest that they the opinion of others matters little, but without the Other, we are nothing, really... But I guess like anything, it is just a matter of balance...

Well, I didn't anticipate getting to the $80 mark this quickly, but I'm there. I am not sure whether I am going to make the jump on up to 10nl just yet or not. I may continue at 4nl until $100. I played the 3 hours that I laid out for yesterday, but I think that I am going to bump that up to 4 hours today.

9/18
Time Played: 3 hours
Ending Roll: $82.26

Well said, and good food for thought. I can, as I do and have, say that the opinion of others doesn't matter. However, the opinions of others, for me, only lessens slightly as I try to dismantle my overactive ego. None the less, the opinion of others still does matter to me. I had some more to type, but I think that I am just starting to reiterate what you said less eloquently, so I am going to stop here