That's a great suggestion! I think that I will partake in some PLO over the next few hours to mix things up. Playing poker of late has felt a bit like drudgery.

Embarrassingly, I must report that I have messed up on the hours that I have posted for my online play over the past several weeks. For some reason, around week 41, I reported an old amount of hours from a previous week, which basically reset me at a much prior point. I went back to recalculate my hours with what I posted from the weeks since week 41, and my hours of online play through week 50 is actually 672:15.

So I actually blew past the 600 hour goal a few weeks back without even realizing. None the less, I am going to continue knocking out some hours online, which will include some 4PLO, and probably some more 10NL than I have been playing. I have been mainly sticking to 2-3 tables of 4NL of late.

P.S.

Congratulations on all of the life moves ohsnapz! Meant to comment in your thread and laud your mature decision making, but I had that slip through the cracks. Sounds like your mind is operating on a very sanguine level. My best to you and yours.

Week 51:
[3/7] Meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes each day
[4/4] Exercise a minimum of 4 days each week. (minimum of 25 minute workout)
[6/7] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate
[3:45 hours] 600 hours of live poker 162
[6 hours] 400 hours of online poker 678:15
[3/7, 1/3] No more than 3 alcoholic drinks in a day.

Well, this year is really winding down quickly. I am not going to say that I am outright phoning it in with the final week of the year, and possible the final week of this thread, but limping across the finish line seems like a staunch reality. I'm also not going to say that I am giving up on this thread, but I kind of feel over it, and don't really care much about what I am doing here(here being this thread, not life in general) anymore. I think that I took some very necessary steps towards personal discovery that was aided by, and would not have been possible without, this thread. However, I am beginning to feel increasingly fraudulent in my efforts and want to impose more permanent mindset adaptations more beneficial to my day to day life. Garbled nonsense aside, I want to work on my mental game, and mental approach towards life. In this final week of week 52, I will see what sort of efforts I can muster.

Week 52:
[4/8] Meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes each day
[4/4] Exercise a minimum of 4 days each week. (minimum of 25 minute workout)
[8/8] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate
[0 hours] 600 hours of live poker 162
[5 hours] 400 hours of online poker 683:15
[3/8, 0/3] No more than 3 alcoholic drinks in a day.


Week 52 had an extra day in it to complete the year for me. As I suspected, and probably set in motion, I had a mediocre week of effort. Not exactly a strong close to the year, but pretty indicative of my effort for the year. I just couldn’t find the mental energy to practice meditation for a majority of the week. With the presence of the holidays, friends, and family, I was dipping into the festival wines with too great a frequency. I really don’t feel bad about over imbibing this past week, as I don’t get this exposure to friends and family that much throughout the year and really want to revel with them. Poker volume was basically non-existent, as this last year really saw the game lose some of its luster for me personally. Overall, I spoke this past week's results into existence before the week even kicked off.


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2018 Results & Recap

[281/365] Meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes each day
[40/52] Exercise a minimum of 4 days each week. (minimum of 25 minute workout)
[42/52] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate
[162 hours] 600 hours of live poker
[683 hours] 400 hours of online poker
[205/365] No more than 3 alcoholic drinks in a day.

Meditation- I saw my attention to practicing meditation take a massive step forward from at any other previous year of my life. I started to felt some mentality changes taking place. I had greater self-awareness, mindfulness, and ability to focus. I like the leap forward in this metric, but will be looking to hit every day with meditation in 2019.

Exercise- I am thrilled with my progress in getting back on track with a regular exercise program. I missed some time with illness, and soreness from overdoing it some days, but overall, there was no great lapse in exercise efforts, and this area was perhaps my most consistent one. I have seen great improvement to both my physique and endurance.

Compassion- While I hit more weeks of the year in this goal area than with exercise, falling short in hitting every week of 2018 feels like a massive failure. Most of my weeks coming up short, were a result of too much alcohol the previous day/night, and being in a sour mood the following day.

Live Poker- I fell way short in this area, but am not overly disappointed in that fact. Something transformative happened to me in 2018 with regard to live poker, but I am not sure that I can relay an exact moment, but rather an overall residual accumulation of sentiment toward the game. The atmosphere and environment of live poker put me in the odd psychological state of a type of person that I do not, and did not want to be. I could see myself pursuing some live poker goals in the future, but I am going to have to undergo some self reckoning of my mindset regarding the game before that is possible.

Online Poker- I had no problem surpassing my volume goal in this area. Not having to make the 2+ hours of driving helped. Not having to occupy the same space as sad sack, despondent individuals helped. Finally, not having to think of the abundance of better, self-improvement area’s I could be be tackling amidst the mind numbing hours at the live table/long commute helped me reach my online volume goal, where I could not live.


Boozing- After tallying up my days in this area, I was a bit surprised that I amassed the amount of days staying at or under 3 alcoholic drinks in a day, that I actually reached. While to many this goal area looks like my largest shortcoming, serious steps were made in comparison to my past history over the years. Serious mindfulness with my alcohol intake was ever present throughout the year, whether the numbers although the numbers don’t appear to reflect it. I know that continued mindfulness with my alcohol intake will seriously aid me with my future temperance efforts. 2019 is going to see an another major leap forward in my limiting alcohol intake, and will probably garner my greatest amount of focus of any area.

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2019 Plans & Goals

[ ] Meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes each day
[ ] Exercise a minimum of 5 days each week. (minimum of 25 minute workout)
[ ] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate
[ ] Get re-certified to teach
[ ] Pass OSAT (Oklahoma Subject Area Test) to teach history/government
[ ] 1 day/week with no meat (No more than 4 days eating red meat/week)
[ ] No more than 3 alcoholic drinks in a day.

Some of the same goals that I had in 2018, have made their way onto the list for 2019. Many of the goals that I have carried over, I feel will have a major impact in improving my way of life, and my character. Some of the new goals on the list where a minor focus of mine in 2018 and I want to put more direction towards in 2019. More explicit purpose I should say.

No poker volume goals for me this year. I think that it is futile to self-impose some a volume goal that I am not going to reach, and feel like I am wasting my time when I am whittling away at it. I will play poker in 2019, but will be focusing more on game selection and bankroll management more so than hours played. I want to avoid doing things that feel like drudgery in 2019.

As far as the direction of this thread, as I alluded in a previous post, I believe things have run their course. However, I may pop in from time to time, and may even do a quarterly report on the progress of my life and goals, as well as some random poker situations that may crop up. This thread really has helped me transition my life in a better direction. When I think of the stress levels that I had in my previous employment and the realization that I was not doing anything to progress myself as a person, this thread continues to provide me inspiration that I don’t have to be miserable. More to the point, this thread helped me to refocus on what is really important in life. My best wishes to everyone reading this in their pursuit of a great 2019.

Congrats on the life progress You have some solid 2019 goals as well. Hope this thread stays alive... Peace friend

+1. Go Zombie Go!

Thanks for the kind words and sentiments, fellas! My best wishes to the both of you in this new year and beyond.

In the least, I feel this thread deserves an update on my progress with regard to my 2019 goals. So, this is something that I will be doing in the next couple of days. Also, I am mulling a complete reappraisal of this thread with some actual poker content and journey in tow. I wonder if there is any apatite for such, or should I begin a new thread to detail the upcoming journey? what is en vogue, or most appropriate?

I've decided it's time to do an update on the progress of my 2019 goals. Although it is a few days short of a quarter year report, week wise I am the quarter year mark.

[ ] Meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes each day

Thus far, I have been able to meditate every day in 2019. I am averaging 15 min./day currently, and went on a nice streak of a couple of weeks where I put in 20 min./day. For the past couple of weeks, I have been diligent about, and more consistent at putting in 15 min./ day, which I have found to be a nice benchmark. So, I am blowing away my goal of 5 min./day, which I am very pleased with, and I am aiming to meditate every day in 2019.

[ ] Exercise a minimum of 5 days each week. (minimum of 25 minute workout)

11/13 (weeks meeting my 5 workout benchmark). Both of the two weeks that I fell short of reaching 5 days of exercise for the week, were the first two weeks of 2019 and in both weeks I exercised 4 of the days. The 25 min. mark that I initially set is more or less an after thought at this point as I am routinely putting in 1 to 1.5 hours with each workout. Also, instead of doing my garage workouts with the spartan equipment that I have, I got a gym membership and seem to have rekindled a passion that I had in what now seems like a former life.

[ ] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate

88/89 (days). Officially I have one day marked down that saw me falling short in this goal area, but truth be told I am probably borderline with having fallen short closer to 5-7 days this year. Still not bad, but choking the life out of a hateful mindset is proving to be a very difficult proposition.

[ ] Get re-certified to teach
[ ] Pass OSAT (Oklahoma Subject Area Test) to teach history/government

I lumped the two above goal areas together, as I feel they coincide with one another. In essence to be re-certified, I just need to submit an application for re-certification and pay the fee to reclaim good standing with my Oklahoma Teaching Certification. I will have some ancillary professionally development work to do once re-certificated, but there is a year or so period to complete such work. Of late I have rethought the notion of what I want to teach, and along with the rekindling of my passion for the gym, physical education is where my heart actually lies, and what I plan to renter the teaching field in. Thus, for the time being, the latter part of the goal area is no more.

[ ] 1 day/week with no meat (No more than 4 days eating red meat/week)

40/89(days w/o red meat), 9/12 (weeks meeting goal of 4 days w/o red meat), 12 (days of w/o any meat). I have some work to do in this area, because I feel that the outlined goals were not that tall of a task. Where I am meeting the most difficulty, is that trying to be a borderline vegetarian in Oklahoma is pretty demanding given the typical Okie diet. However, this is no excuse, just a hurdle to overcome.

[ ] No more than 3 alcoholic drinks in a day.

74/89 (days not exceeding 3 alcoholic drinks). Obviously this puts me at 15 days exceeding 3 drinks in the day, or roughly 5 week. On this surface, this doesn't appear to be a booming success. However, on the days that saw me exceed my 3 drink max, the majority of those days were an access of only 1 or 2 drinks. I have only gotten terribly blotto 3 days this year, and I am most pleased to report that the hangovers are finally starting to outweigh the temporary evening joy. By a wide margin. At this point last year, I had exceeded 3 alcoholic drinks per day an alarming 29 times. This area feels like a success, and I only look to continue my efforts in this area with my ever increasing vigilance.

On the poker front; I have only played a handful of live session. Without looking, I would say that I have put in ~4-5 sessions with net negative results. Online I have been putting in a considerably greater amount of time. I would put my online play estimate at ~200 hours. Not sure what my net results are, but where I left this thread with my online bankroll, I am now sitting around $430 after a 1st & 4th place finish in a 6-max $3 tourney, and some 4nl-10nl play. I don't really have a goal online in mind, more just keep playing and moving up when and as I can. Maybe a cashout along the way if I feel like it.

Lastly, here are some of the tasty beverages that I have particularly enjoyed this new year, all local stuff, all stuff that I would recommend. Since I can't really do a taste description justice, just suffice to say that you might as well take my recommendations as a guarantee.











Also, to break up the beer slide show, some evidence (you'll have to take my word for it), that I am getting in better shape in 2019.
(My longest run of 2019, time not so great, but it will get better)



God, I forgot how long these things can take to type up. I probably wouldn't update this thread, but I feel like I get some real benefit from sharing my progress in life by recapping what I have done. The education that I get from documenting my goal areas seems immense, and honestly this sort of self-evaluation seems invaluable. I can't recommend (guarantee) enough the benefits that honest self-tracking and analysis can provide to one's life. Until the next update, my best to everyone out there.

You still playing cards?

+1. Would like to know too.

Hey! thanks for checking in on me you two.

I haven't been playing much poker at all lately. I will play online(Global) everyone once in awhile, but typically to grind out some beer money($200-300) at a time, and cash out leaving myself about $20 in the bankroll to play on in my spare time.

As for playing live, I definitely have no time to give to those miserable shitheels. I got to a point where the live scene was pretty effectively ****ing with my mind enough to ask why I was continuing the charade. As well along those lines, there seemed like a slim avenue for me to advance beyond the 1/2 stakes, and I don't have the desire to grind it out against those humps for a significant enough amount of time to constitute an actual grind.

In sum though, I seriously believe that poker as a hobby is a much more fruitful endeavor for me. I'm sure some people can make the live poker grind work, but I feel my interests waning into too many other area's to stay focused, or dedicated to that miserable environment.

Sam, What have you been up to? Feel free to PM if you don't want to share itt.

Some times I feel so human that it hurts. I guess that comes with the territory of this flesh bag with a psychology and sentiments. I think it would be nice to be an alien, lonely, but nice, just to observe and not feel. Then I then I think maybe I need to get pissed an defy the exceptions of those that don't predict much of my capabilities.

Do I owe this thread an update, who knows.

I've taken a position in higher education that is above my pay grade, and perhaps my skill set. For now. All because I can talk the talk and compel people into believers of my opposition of inertia. Every once in awhile we should talk to ourselves, being completely real, and get a ****ing move on.

I hope everyone makes a resolution to defy their stupid self-limitations. Everyone please be kind to one another.

Congrats is in order! I didn't see the prior update, life stuff with a baby gets in the way most days.

I agree with your sentiment about live poker. And it kind of plays in with your disgust WRT having feelings and emotions. You're around people that, for the most part, you could give two shits less about. And maybe part of that is because you're there to actively try and pry something away from them of value. Maybe it's because we feel like we are entitled to what is valued in front of them. In a way, that entitlement tilt will never leave.

Then there is seeing that person have to part ways with the money that they value. It doesn't feel good. The people that make it in poker don't have these soft spots. Most of them could probably care less if the person they're sitting beside is gambling with their last $100.

(This is why I have a much easier time playing online vs live. This whole emotional thing is hidden very well, almost in the guise of a video game)

Feel good imo that you're distancing yourself from poker. Feel good that you're going back to doing something meaningful. That shows great emotional intelligence, and is a sign that you'll live a much more fulfilling life than the local 1/2 2/5 grinder.

(And for those talking about how poker players give to charity, that's the same as throwing money at a kid to convince the kid to love you)

Thanks man, I feel like I am making some real progress in life for the first time in a long time. Maybe ever.

I really like and care about humanity in a general sense. When I was immersed among some of the more deplorable aspects of society day in and out though, it feels like part of my humanity cuts a beat to the door as well. I didn't like that feeling.

I'm definitely not a cutthroat person. I generally want everyone to do well in life, and wish them so. I can't stand to see people suffer either. Most fibers of my being are intrinsically geared toward removing suffering from the lives of others when I recognize it and I feel like I have a heightened sense of recognition of pain in others. This can make for a volatile combination when many times my emotional and psychological being needs attention but I choose to focus on others first. Oh what a viscous cycle the poker life conducted in me.

Very many great points you make above. Poker is a tenable option for some (much fewer than believe so imo), but not for me. Thanks for the kind words and encouragement in the post above and throughout the life of this thread. My best wishes to you and your family.

Hi Zombie,

Thanks for the updates! Congrats on your job in higher ed. I can relate to much of what you say about the difficulty of being immersed among "some of the deplorable aspects of society." For me, this doesn't only mean cardroom "degens," but also folks mired in lower and higher ed (which may be amplified by Louisiana's atrocious education system). In any case, I'm eager to hear how your journey with education and poker progresses.

Thanks, Ben!

Previously I was at a private lib-arts college (a business). Now I am on the community college level. I feel honored to be in a position to service the local community. Currently my mindset is geared toward reorienting myself to that of a professional person, as opposed to the bohemian lifestyle that I have become accustomed to living.

Hopefully the state legislators can be kept at bay in their short-sighted treatment of public colleges until the tide stems. I will certainly look at providing a November update on the state of education and poker in my life, which could be an interesting turn.

Hope all is well in your world.

Looking forward into this insight, as a non-American that knows zilch about the academic system in the USA

Coming here to write about a place that I have to go to everyday(a job) feels a bit odd. From this time last year to today, my life is radically different. From this time two years ago to today, I am not even sure I have the proper means to articulate.

I very much enjoy the world of higher education and in particular, higher education that is not on the private college/university level. There are still challenges, but the environment is far less toxic for my personality. For those that are more sales minded than myself, the private higher education world wouldn't be such a bad fit.

I am not really sure what to say here anymore. I feel like my voice never really fit into the PG&C world and that is probably why I admired the threads of folks like bob_124 & Dubnjoy000, who made me feel not quite so alone here. There have been others along the way, but those mentioned are the stalwarts as far as my proclivities go. Now-a-days, my voice might as well be bouncing off some interstellar object in contrast to the environment that exists here. However, I think that I am doing a poor job of exalting PG&C, which is really what I think is deserved.

Being on the outside of the poker scene looking in presently, I see all of the inherit problems that a gambling lifestyle presents clearly. However, I treat, and think of my time playing poker, with fondness and reverence. I feel as though the time I was afforded during that period helped hone and cultivate the me that is able to appreciate and participate in a professional world. As well, I am able to abode in a world where I am able to provide service to my community.

So many things about life feel good. Not having to elbow in next to the same cranks daily has done wonders for my emotional state. I can only liken the waning days of my poker life to something of a miserable, and mandatory conjugal visit where random events dictate the stature of my immediate life and experiences. A place where my door was continually darkened by a gruesome, unwanted visitor. But, I wouldn't change my past experiences at all really, and hat probably says more than anything that I ever could on the subject.

Grinding @ 1/2 is hard..I feel it is better to save a BR for 2/5 then pursue that