Week 11:
[6/7] Meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes each day
[3/7] Exercise a minimum of 4 days each week. (minimum of 25 minute workout)
[7/7] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate
[3:45 hours] 600 hours of live poker 14
[16:30 hours] 400 hours of online poker 231:30
[5/7, 3/3] No more than 3 alcoholic drinks in a day.

I missed one day of meditation, that being the day that I traveled to Tulsa to play poker and celebrate St. Patrick's Day. A couple of my meditations were pretty lackluster and not able to quiet my mind down and focus. Mindfulness is going to be a focal point for me throughout this week. I also need to get my meditation practice back on track as I feel myself slipping into poor practice and becoming complacent.

Not much to say about my exercise regimen from this past week other than it was piss poor. I had a moment yesterday were I became aware of a mindset that I have had in the past, that basically consists of a little voice saying that I should stay sitting and drinking, and not worry about that pesky workout routine. Typically, this pesky voice has precipitated a stoppage to my exercise efforts for enough time that completely suppresses future workouts for months at a time. Alas, I had enough mindfulness to realize this slip in motivation, and instead of worrying about time and days lost from my exercise routine, I am going to get back to the grind this week, this day, and set myself straight.

I think all too often, with plans like New Year's resolutions, folks tend to have a hiccup here, or slip-up there, and abandon ship on their plans all-together. I think by staying mindful of this motivation suck, and simply refusing to be deterred by setbacks, the possibility of forming good habits is tenable. In any case, what I mean to say is, don't be too hard on yourself and start the self-loathing process, just get back on track whether it is immediate or a bit delayed. Make the decision that no matter how long you have been off-track for, or how many times you have slipped up, that you will begin again and not give in. Just start a new streak any time you can muster the strength.

Like I stated in my post last night, I chipped away at some of the live hours for the year, this week. The game was kind of poor, due to the time of the day. It was a Saturday that I played, but it was shortly after noon when I sat down to play. There were a good amount of tournament circuit grinders in the game and in the room, but most of them were playing pretty nitty to straight forward abc games. Online my hours took a serious dip this week. The games are pretty damn boring, and I don't feel highly motivated to spin my bankroll up on their. I am also becoming more attracted to the idea of playing a great deal more live, and work on my game in that arena. I have one hand history to post, but I will include it in a separate post to do a more detailed write-up, and to keep this post from getting any longer.

New Year's Resolutions tend to have good intentions. A lot of times, people tend to bite off more than they can chew. It's best to start small and work your way up.

The hand history from last week that I hadn't yet included:

Game has been playing tight, with brief interruptions of action, based on some random loose play rather than cooler situation.

H, $155, tight, mp, Q9
V1, $300, loose/passive, utg
V2, $600, somewhat weak/aggro, mp
V3, $275, tight, button
V4, $90, thought this is someone that I have played w/ before and my read was omc, Sb

All limps to V4 who raises to $11. V3 folds and others call. Seems like a good spot to see a flop for a fair price with position.

Pot: $45
Flop: 356

V4 bets out $15. V1 folds, V2 calls, hero raises to $35. V4 calls and V2 folds. This is a pretty weak bet, and the only I see V4 having is AK since I block w/ the Q he can't have AQ or KQ which are possible for his pfr range from the Sb. When V2 calls (and had stated that he was playing his fav hand, a very speculative hand it sounds) I try to lay out a valuey price that V4 can peel and I can play most turn & river cards with some certainty.

Pot: $130
Turn: J

Now things kind of take a bit of a turn (no pun intended) here. V4 shoves ai for $44. Not a big bet, but I could just be drawing completely dead here. V4 is across the table from me, and my eyesight has been pretty poor for my life, but as I am looking at V4, he lifts his cards just high enough that I see a , that appears to have the spots of a small card. We already have 3 small 's out there. I'm fairly certain that V4 isn't pfr'ing A2s-A9s or K2s-K9s pf from the sb, so I remove those hands. Not that it matters in the decision, but V4 obviously can't have a set. So, V4 has to have the 7, and... I call.

River: 3


Truth, and as clear evidence, most of my NY's resolutions and goals that are on full display in this thread. I am notorious for biting off more than I can chew in regard to my intentions. Although, I am starting to embrace my ambition while realizing that doing something>doing nothing, toward progress in my goals. No matter how small the steps are in the direction of accomplishing a task, moving forward and continually chipping away is paramount.

Week 12:
[6/7] Meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes each day
[5/7] Exercise a minimum of 4 days each week. (minimum of 25 minute workout)
[7/7] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate
[0 hours] 600 hours of live poker 11Hours (a correction back to 11 hours.)
[15:30 hours] 400 hours of online poker 247 Hours
[6/7, 0/3] No more than 3 alcoholic drinks in a day.


Everything was fairly well on track, as far as meditation, exercise, and compassion are concerned for week 12. At the start of the week, my meditation duration was right at 10 minutes, and this is the duration I am going to begin shooting for with consistency. I rebounded from my lackluster week of exercises last week, with 5 days this week. In addition to the 5 days of exercise, the rigor of my workouts is beginning to increase as well.

There was no live poker play for me this past week, but I am planning on changing that this week in a big way. Ideally I want to work my way into a schedule that is 30 hours of live play/week, and 10 hours of online/week. Obviously this will get me to 40 hours of play/week, but this amount of play with the round-trip drive of 2 hours in consideration, actually seems tenable. I am not planning on getting right to 30 hours of play this week, but I do plan to segue in that direction with at least two live sessions of play. Ideally I will post up 15 hours of live play this week.

On the online front, my bankroll moved closer to the direction of moving back to 5NL, but there is still some distance left before I am all the way there. The 2NL game is pretty mind numbing I must say, it seems so rote. Also, the more I watch these small stacks inch up and down, the rake seems atrocious.

Drinking was pretty well in check this week. I only had one day of more than the designated 3 alcoholic drinks. I feel like, outside of my exercise routine, my curbed drinking is the area that I have made the most strides in. I have come to a point that I drink when I want to, and not so much out of a routine. This year, I have also been much more mindful of my drinking than in recent year's past. There is still room for improvement in this area, as well as in my life in general, but I look forward to the hard work that will be required for my personal improvement. My best to all of you out there.

WRT rake, I was at a table during my long session (~15 hours) and just watched the stacks widdle from decent sized stacks to shortstacks - in a couple of hours! My casino takes off about $100-$120 in rake in an hour, and then another $50 for a promo fund. That is almost an entire 100bb BI - per hour at 1/2 tables! At least at 2/5 it's a bit more manageable, only roughly 40bb/hr taken off the table.

Online poker may even be worse about it. The standard rake seems to be 5% for every dollar, with a $3 cap. If you assume 60 hands/hr at a 6max table, say at 5nl, where the average pot is about $1....that's 5 cents taken off per hand, or about 60bb/hr.

Started off the week with a flurry. 10 minutes of meditation, vigorous lower body workout, and drove through a **** storm for a 5.5 hour session. I spent all but the last 45 min. folding and down $45-$100. At the end of the session I stole a pot after I pfr to $12 w/ 9 in mp and get 3 callers. We see a QQxJ flop and I cbet $15 and get two callers. 8 ott and it checks around. River is a K, one check to me and I bet $35, w/o a , and both fold. From there I went on to make a couple of hands and finish +$109.

Plan from today moving forward is to play 4-5 hours today and tomorrow, then hit another live session on Thursday. For the the live session on Thursday I am looking to escalate my hours to min. 6.5. If all goes well with my endurance on Thursday, I am looking to post an 8 hour session on either Friday or Saturday. All the while I am going to be sprinkling in online hours for the days that I am not playing live.

That sounds about right. Especially when most of the players at live build a small pot by limping 6 ways, win maybe a $20 pot, lose the rake from said pot, then tip $1. It kind of crushes me to see players sitting w/ a $20 stack win a $8 pot and tip $1.

On ACR the rake is $.01 for every $.20 in the pot. Sucks to get 100bb stacks in pf, hold/win, and only realize 90bb of profit. There are a lot of ways that this feels ****ty, but I am not sure that I can articulate them all atm. Ah well, I guess that I need to move up where the rake respects stack sizes.

All the BS machismo as motivation in the world isn't going to get you to the poker mountaintop, whatever that is for you. There is just too much variance with poker. It is almost counterproductive in a sense, that taking a hit here and there due to suck outs, unrecognized poor play, and all of the downswing causing chain-of-events that can occur, etc, etc, that an egotistical approach to poker success is long-term tenable. You really, really, really have to love playing cards, and all of the peripheral aspects that go along with it, to grind it out in the game of poker for a long tenure. I am not sour on poker at the moment by any stretch. Although, that attitude could come at any moment. I just don't don't think that there is enough fuel in one's motivation, outside of real life sheer survival, or some sort of psychopathy, to continue compelling an individual in poker toward the pipe dream result that many think exists. Have fun playing poker and all of the things that come along with the game, and quit being sour at life because you don't attain the plateau that a minuscule amount of individuals have made us all idolize.

All thoughts itt thread are obliviously personal opinion and an offering of food for thought. Best wishes.

I've been getting wrecked online at 2NL. Like, dropped down to 50bb bi's wrecked. No worries though, just need to re-focus my efforts. I spent a few sessions tracking every hand that I played writing down in some detail all that went down. I suspect that I am playing a bit tighter than usual when writing down hand history's but it has to start somewhere. I may end up include a session hh where I go every hand that I vpip, for some insights.

The plan for tomorrow, is to be research of sorts. Research on myself that is. I am going to see if I have the stamina to dial up a live 10 hour session. This should be something that is no problem for real grinder's. However, I will have hour and change drive to the casino and back, along with I am a wuss and struggle to put in hours.

I've sampled a few new (to me) beers lately in the malaise of my online losing streak. The ones worth mentioning are pictured below.



Local beer out of OKC that is amazing:




Have had this one before, but had been sometime. Highly recommend, and is readily purchasable nationwide I believe.

It's hard. It isn't easy. If it was easy, everyone would do it. Some people can't stomach the variance. Some people can't handle being their own boss. Some people don't think that hard work or studying will do any good when the drunken whale scoops in another 300bb pot with 94o.

I've been at this spot a few times. Every time I am, I have to pull myself together. Variance is the reason players keep playing. If people lost all the time, they wouldn't play.

We also don't deserve to win every single time. Look at Tom Brady, perhaps the greatest QB of all time. Most seasons, he's pulling out a 12-4 record. And he's the best of all time. Perhaps more comparable is baseball. The best batters are successful 30% of the time. The best pitchers still give up a run every 3 innings. Combine the best pitchers and best batters, and they still only win about 66% of their games....because of variance.

It's something I'm getting better at. Losing. You have to be a good loser to win, because you will lose. Recognize if it's variance, or mistakes, or a bit of both. Take a hand I played Friday night. One limp, a kid who was playing fairly sporadic opened to $11 MP1. Myself, with a very tight image from a night of being card dead, flats A5s in BB. The limper calls. Flop is A74hxh. XX PFR bets $20 I call and limper calls. Turn is 4x. XX PFR bets $35 I call limper folds. River 9x. X PFR bets $60 and, from reads I had gathered during the night, I call. He rolls over A9s and I lose.

The entire day was marred by bad variance. It was bad variance that a 9 came on the river and not any other card, because he would have checked back. But that hand, the largest I played all night, was bad play. The mistake? Not 3betting preflop. Even in bad variance days, you have to take something away and learn from it. Hang tough.

Thanks for sharing those thoughts and your insight. My post probably came off a bit more bitter than was my intention. Over the year's I have found myself getting much better at being more analytical with losses, especially considering the antics of some player's in the card room when taking a beat. Always room for improvement though.

The real point that I had hoped to express in my convoluted post, was my disdain for seeing these solemn/nasty grinders at the table that are poisoning the game. I think of the motivational speaker, most of have heard him proclaiming that "what if millions of people want what you want? You must outwork them!(or something like this)" I view this is a toxic approach to poker. The game gets flooded with these ****ty grinders that are only playing the game trying to suck every dollar out they can, and in the process cripple the game with their negativity, running players off in droves.

Truth be told, I had probably just seen a sentimental human interest piece on Syrian refugees and got hot and pissed thinking about poker players erupting at bad beats because they are all jacked up on a Big Sean (I like Big Sean's music ftr) song and the big tittied, fat-assed woman they are promised for their ruthless mindset & "prowess" over their fellow man. At a card game that is meant to be fun & leisurely...just because 'Murica.

Well, that's a cheerful enough rant for Easter Sunday. The shortsightedness of people just has a way of getting to me from time to time.

Just a quick story to tell before the weekly wrap-up tomorrow.



Post-session I find this $20 bill on my way into the bathroom, right in the entrance, circa 1:40 a.m. I look to see if anyone is around that could have recently dropped it so that I could help them back to it. No one is around. Then I see the janitor cart at the entrance of the bathroom and ponder about giving it to them as a tip and think that they probably can't accept tips. Alas, no cleaner around to receive the $20 after I finish my business.

So, I meet back up with my buddy and tell him about the spot that I found. I buy the both of us a Fat Tire draft at the sports bar for $4 a piece. I tip $1 and put the other $11 in the bar top VP machine. Hit trips twice and and start with quad 2's shortly into the action. I cashout $31 for a full circle to the original $20 come-up. I parlayed the renewed $20 into some dirty rotating fried Quicktrip food, Fig Newtons, and my pre-session Grilled Chicken pesto sandwich and broccoli cheddar soup. Thanks, mystery $20.

Weekly wrap-up and last night's session results tomorrow.

Week 12:
[5/7] Meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes each day
[5/7] Exercise a minimum of 4 days each week. (minimum of 25 minute workout)
[6/7] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate
[12:30 hours] 600 hours of live poker 26:30
[22 hours] 400 hours of online poker 253:30
[3/7, 1/3] No more than 3 alcoholic drinks in a day.


Missing two days of meditation is somewhat troubling with regard to my practice. I started the week off very well in regard to meeting the goals that I have set for the year, and then I fell off starkly. I am going to attempt to right the ship this week through some intense discipline and mindfulness. Okay, maybe it doesn't even require that much effort to meet the measly goals that I have set for the year, but I think that it may help to look through a lens of intensity.

My exercise efforts were actually not that bad for the week. I got after it pretty good on 5 separate days. By the time I got to Sunday, my body needed a day of rest, but I am reaching a point with my exercise efforts were psychologically I feel worthless if I go a day without exercise. I may soon be moving to exercising 7 days a week and simply replacing my rest days with a cardio day.

In regard to my compassionate mindset, I slipped up on Thursday. Thursday was just an awful day of trying to be a big minded human being. I just failed in so many ways. I can hold Thursday of this past week up with a spotlight on it with a mentality of do the opposite of everything I did this day, and avoid the failings that precipitated the environment that I ushered in.

As far as poker goes, I am beginning to get my ratio of weekly online to live poker more in tune. I fell short of the 15 hours that I had hoped to reach for the week, but I have figured out a few barriers that I have to hitting volume. Saturday the goal was 10 hours, but I played a little over 7 hours. I ended the session +$594. I have at least one hand history that I will post up at some point, but this post is already getting a bit too lengthy. I also had a couple of other hand history's, outside of the one that I plan to post, that I started and then realized that my memory had lapsed on some of the details of the hand. To which, I discovered a flaw in my live game and began focus the remainder of the session on the details of hands that I was both involved in myself, and hands without my presence.

My temperance was abominable this week. No whiskey at all this week. That's the goal.

The plan for this week is 3 live sessions of 8 hours which kicks off tonight. Online volume I have slated for 12 hours total, which will take place in the interim of my live play. Tuesday I have recycling to take care, and plan on taking my dog to the dog park. Outside of these plans, there are a few open days that I will have to navigate no a no whiskey week. Sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors above, I got this post too long and don't believe in proofreading at the moment.

Hey friend, nice thread ; I like how you strive for balanced goals in each department, be it online-live or in other life areas like exercise, meditation and compassion

This said, I do have 1 question though about your time split in between online and live... It seems to me that you are playing much higher live than online (and to better results, amirite?), yet have more volume in the latter ; why do you dedicate more time to the virtual world that the softer live one? Is it for volume/learning purposes, or perhaps out of simple preferences?

Anyhow, all the best

Hey Dubnjoy! Thanks for popping in. As I have expressed to you in your thread, I really like your style and find your stories fascinating. I may be taking some cues from your thread a bit with what I have been doing here.

I've heard the importance of balance preached so much on the forums, and in multiple walks of life, that I decided to incorporate some of it into my life for 2018 This hadn't been the case during my previous place of employment though the first year or so of this thread. I can state unequivocally that life feels better with a mindset focused on balance, for my part.

The only real reason that I have put in more hours online than live, is the drive to and from the casino, which comes out to about 2.5 hours roundtrip. A few days ago I asked my buddy what he thought the hardest part about live poker was for me and after his guess, (which his response was actually something that gave me food for thought about my game, but not quite where I was leading him) I told him the drive to and from the casino.

It's so much simpler for me to just fire up ACR and play some micro stakes, and pretend that I am actually doing something with regard to my goals, but I really know that what I am doing online (at this point) isn't going to provide much fruit. While I have been working on certain aspects of my game online, which is less expensive than live, I am not an online poker player, my skills just don't match up that well with the current player pool.

All that said, I am working to get the ratio of live hours I am playing more steadily above that of my online hours. I think that it is just going to take having a hard schedule week in and week out that I hold myself to. Currently the goal is 3, 8-hour sessions/week. I am going to try this pace of live play out for a couple of weeks and then try to determine if I can escalate those hours, or if that is a sweet spot that I need to stick at for awhile.

Thanks again for the stopping by, Dubnjoy. I really appreciate the questions because I found myself firming up some of thoughts trying to articulate where my mind is at on certain aspects of my journey. Feel free to chime in here anytime!

I actually got the week off the ground with an 8 hour session on Monday night as I planned. The game was pretty bad for my style of play, but I was able to book a profit of +$347. The table barely got full, I think it went 9 handed for maybe an hour and half. The rest of the evening we played 4-7 handed. The majority of the line-up was 3-4 players that were looking to/usually play 2/5. There were 3 tables running most of the night, one was all rec/fishy players, one was a majority rec with a couple of grinders, my table was mostly grinders. Each table played around 7 handed most of the night and there wasn't any room to do a table change. I ran pretty ridiculously well, but had a couple of hands that stood out as far as some real poor play. A few hh's below.

Hand 1:
Hero, $375, tight, button, 66
V1, covers, raising every other hand, bets/raises most pots post-flop, probably one of the rooms better players and certainly one of the most aggro.
V2, $225, omc, hj
V3, weak/passive fish most of the time but have seen them spew in a couple of spots, co

V1 raises to $10, all players from description call.
Pot: $40
Flop: 67c3x

V1 leads $25, all fold to hero, call.
Pot: $90
Turn: A

V1 bets $45, hero calls.
Pot: $180
River: 4x(no flush)

V1 checks, hero?

Hand 2:
Same competent aggro V from above. Seems to have be on a mission with his pf action in this hand, as he had just won a pot off of an older man that had been playing a few hands himself, and after young aggro scoops the pot says "keep firing until you get them out or get lucky." I like the old man speeches myself, I find them quite humorous. Old man is steamy to say the least.

Hero, $350, tight but running hot so I look a bit more active than nit status, Sb, QQ
V1, $600, is speech giving old man, kind of loose and splashy, utg
V2, $400, young aggro from previous hand

V1 limps, V2 raises to $12 (very defiantly), hero raises to $35, V1 snap calls and splashes his chips into the middle, V2 calls.
Pot: $105
Flop: Q68x

Action checks around.
Pot: $105
Turn: A

Hero bets $65, V1 folds, and V2 calls.
Pot: $235
River: Q

Hero?

Hand 3:
A player just racked and left, leaving me as a Sb otb, so I post a button straddle. This was one of the last hands of the evening for me. The game is 5 handed at this point with all players competent (questionable on my part though).

Hero, $600, TAG, otb, A9
V1, $600, young seemingly abc player for the most part, have seen them show up otr in big pots with weird hands, I previously paid this player off when I was otb with AQ and the board was 7T2T7r and he had T7 in the Sb after I had pfr to $15 w/ 4 limpers in.
V2, $500, same ole V from previous two hands, hj

The two V's from above limp, and I check my option otb.
Pot: $16
Flop: 269

V1 leads $15, both V2 and hero call.
Pot: $61
Turn: A

V1 bets out $35, both V2 and hero call.
Pot: $166
River: 6

V1 bets out $100 pretty quickly. V2 folds. As I am thinking the hand over, I ask V1 if he will show if I fold. V1 says "I will show" pretty quickly and calmly. H?


The plan for the rest of the week is 2 more 8 hours sessions. I am planing to take care of these 2 sessions with some combo from Thur-Sat. I am holding strong w/ no whiskey through two nights this week. I only have to fade...oh **** a lot of nights. Not going to think about it.

A good player would have made $800 or so last night with my cards, in my spots. Maybe I should say that a better player than myself would have realized that sort of profit. Relative to the competition I am a good player. As it turns out, I come out +$234 in just short of 4.5 hours. I had planned to play longer, but the time got late and my table broke. I fought notions of not playing all day long, but sacked up enough to get into the cardroom for some hours. Once I got to the table, my mind was not in the game at all. I played my C-game for pretty much 3 /4 of my session.

Even though I was playing unfocused, unmotivated poker, I was up $350 early on. The first snag that I ran into, was finding AQo otb, raising 2 limpers, one being a maniacal younger Asian guy to $15, two callers. Flop came A29r and action checks to me and I bet $15. The maniacal player raises to $60 over my bet and a Sb call. I end up calling, the Sb tank folds. Turn brings an offsuit J and another $60 bet from the V. I fold and V shows us A2o.

A little later on, another aggro kid raises a limper from mp to $12 and I 3b to $35 w/ KK, aggro V calls. Flop comes A95r and I bet $45, V calls. Turn is 9x and action goes check check. River is another 9 and I check/call $50. I make a pretty terrible call in this spot after I convince myself that V is capable of repping the A w/o one.

The Ultimate spot that got in my mind involves a old/splashy/whale player. 2 limps to whale otb, limps includes both aggro players from the previous hand. Whale raises to $8. Hero is in the Bb w/ 99 and flats, we go 5 way to the flop. Flop is 733ss and action checks to whale who bets $30. Hero calls, MAWG and aggro in mp call. Turn is 2x and again action checks to whale who bets $60. Hero calls w/ about $75 left behind, MAWG in mp puts in last $2, young aggro folds. River is Jx, and hero checks to whale who shoves for about $150. I tank for a bit and think that the only air V might have here is AKss or AQss. I think there is AA-QQ for most of V's range, but also some 77&TT. In the final analysis I decide that this V is not going to take this line w/ air often and fold. Whale shows KQo for air and scoops the side pot. MAWG shows A high and scoops the main pot.

I was kind of getting in my head after that last hand, as all I had to do was put the money in. I studied V pretty hard and he did not look at all excited about his spot and was pretty damn solemn, which should have been enough to lead me to a call. As it were, I took a bathroom break and laughed at myself. Was my line pretty bad in the 99 hand? Yeah. Did it hurt to not pull the trigger on looking this whale up? Yeah. A lot of questions went like this, but I decided that I told myself long ago that sometimes I am going to end up folding the best hand, and I just need to be okay with that. There are also much greater things out there in enact my rage. So, I collected myself and went back out to play an hour and a half of tilt free poker until my table broke.

Heading to the casino I there was this realization of what a fish on a heater that I have been over the past 7 or 8 sessions. Winning more than I should, and losing less than I should in some spots, largely through luck. I started to dread the regression and downturn, and saying to myself that I was okay with dropping a buy-in for the evening. A dread that almost spoke to, let's get this runbad started already and work through it. Maybe a small loss would be good for me so that I wouldn't be looking around every corner for the big hurt. Does anyone else start to dread the downswing and regression when they are on a pretty good uptick? It almost feels anxiety inducing at times.

I have a few HH's that I plan to include in either my weekly update tomorrow, or a stand alone post. The hands seemed kind of standard to me, but I want to see if there is any countervailing thought on my lines that may be out there.

Week 14:
[7/7] Meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes each day
[6/7] Exercise a minimum of 4 days each week. (minimum of 25 minute workout)
[7/7] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate
[12:30 hours] 600 hours of live poker 39:00
[15 hours] 400 hours of online poker 268:30
[3/7, 0/3] No more than 3 alcoholic drinks in a day.

No problems getting down with meditation at all this past week. I felt my meditation was had some great utility this week as there were times when I was on the verge of exasperation and found some solitude among the rocky waves. I am still working on moving the meditation duration to 10 min/per.

On the exercise front I got after it this week. I could have easily put in 7/7 days, but decided to be a lazy pos yesterday and watch the final day of The Master's, trying to root on Rickie Fowler to a green jacket. Almost all workouts this past week were 30 minutes as well. This week I have more irons in the fire and will be doing well to get in 4 days of exercise.

This week I put in 2 sessions, not the 3 that I set forth to grab. I also fell short of getting closer to the splits between live/online playing times like I had hoped. This week I don't plan on being able to do too great on volume. Saturday there is a drawing for hours/hands made tickets all day in the cardroom and I plan on putting in a marathon session that day and sweating the drawings. Right now, Saturday is going to be a 12 hours day. We will see what I have in me. Also, I have two available comped rooms in April for one of the casino's I play in and am using one of the nights this Thursday to put my parents up and treat to do dinner on the evening. Afterwards, gonna put in a few hours playing in the cardroom.

I fell short of my no whiskey goal for the week. I made it to Thursday with no whiskey, then I had a glass that evening. I went no whiskey Fri-Sat, then had a couple of glasses last night. I am not pleased with falling short on this goal, but I did dramatically cut put on my intake this week. I only met 3/7 on days drinking 3 or less beverages, but 3 of the nights that I didn't meet the mark, it was only 1 drink over. Still yet, this is nothing to brag about, but I feel like I continue to make improvements in my imbibing weekly.

I am not going to set any specific goals for this week, which could derail me in a bad way. I do however have a good amount of things planned for this week, beginning with lawn mowing, and including getting the vegetable garden started, There will be a few other activities mixed in here or there, but I don't want to feel to depleted failing to meet specific goals this week when there is a high likelihood of failure. Instead, I will do my best to chip away at the year long goals that I have set forth with the time that I do have this week. Let's not be a full out **** show this week is actually the primary goal. Let's try to make(or not make) this happen.

I had a couple of comped rooms for the month of April at the River Spirit, which is a casino hotel/resort in Tulsa and is one of the cardrooms that I frequent. I used one of the rooms last night to take my parents to Tulsa for dinner, some gambling, and a night out of town. We had some good German food last night, and ate a primo seafood locale this afternoon called White River Fish Market. After dinner I watched my parents do some light gambling and they were able to come up a bit to their delight. I profited about $60 at VP on what was a pretty sick run. Once the gambling was done and I got the folks settled in the room, I went to play cards around 10. This was one of the latest times that I have set down for a game. I came to the table with a beer in hand, and made sure that was the case throughout the evening. I had a pretty good image that helped me get paid in a couple of spots. I donked off my initial bi with a terrible way in a 3-way pot ott, but was able to recover in a big way. When the smoke cleared I walked out with a profit of +$620after 4:40 (hours) of play.

Beer from dinner, Hofbrau Dunkel (great beer to set off the German fare):

Week 15:
[4/7] Meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes each day
[3/7] Exercise a minimum of 4 days each week. (minimum of 25 minute workout)
[6/7] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate
[4:40 hours] 600 hours of live poker 43:40
[14 hours] 400 hours of online poker 282:30
[3/7, 0/3] No more than 3 alcoholic drinks in a day.


I posted some of my lowest numbers this past week, in many regards. Low number of days meditating. Low number of days exercising. Low number of days abstaining from alcohol. This week I am going to due diligence to get things back on track. I got my vegetable garden beds tilled and ready for planting early last week. The plan is to get all the vegetables for this season planted tomorrow. Friday I have another comped room squared away that I am going to use putting up a couple of friends visiting from out of state. Other than that, the plan is to post some solid numbers in my weekly goal list above. Chiefly I am going to look to go no alcohol until Friday night. Cheers to another week to try and meet some goals.

Week 16:
[4/7] Meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes each day
[5/7] Exercise a minimum of 4 days each week. (minimum of 25 minute workout)
[4/7] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate
[0 hours] 600 hours of live poker 43:40
[12:30 hours] 400 hours of online poker 295
[4/7, 4/4] No more than 3 alcoholic drinks in a day.

The week started off really well. The goal was to go the first 4 days of the week with no alcohol, and I was able to meet that goal. There were a couple of restless nights involved, but other than that it was amazing to start each day with a clear head. Restricting alcohol also gave me the feel that my workouts were enhanced. In reality, I would like to get my drinking back to no more than 3 alcoholic beverages /day. I think that is the goal this week, which was the original goal in 2018.

In terms of meditation, I missed a few more days this week than I have in weeks past. However, the duration of a two days meditation sessions, I set an alarm for 10 minutes. The idea is to push each mediation period to 10 minutes, and I am not sure why I had not thought of setting an alarm for a specified amount of time before. Sitting there wondering if I have reached 10 minutes without an alarm constantly had my mind focused on the time rather than being calm and introspective. Incorporating 10 min/day of meditation is the goal for this week.

I was kind of a miserable grouch for much of the week. The wolf of hate got nearly as much attention as the wolf of love this week. I think that some of this has to be attributed to my abstaining from alcohol to some degree. Most of the time that I noticed myself slipping into a surly attitude, I gathered myself and got back on course. I never spent much time in a sour mindset, is was more of consistently slipping in and out of that nature. This week I am going to continue the effort of mindfulness in this regard this week, and if I am abstaining from alcohol that much more vigilance will be necessary.

I didn't play any live poker this week, which was definitely not the plan. I anticipated playing at least two days of live poker this week, with Saturday being a fairly lengthy session, but I whimped out. Online I got in a pretty sad number of hours this week. Saturday I had some tilt creeping into my game and was not at all pleased with how my game looked. There are many areas that my game is needing some re-calibration, but I am going to hustle hard this week to get things turned back onto the right path.

As I previously mentioned, I was able to cruise through the first 4 days of the week with no alcohol. While there were some major benefits to my temperance, i.e. my exercise and meditation clarity, there were a few drawbacks, irritability and slight insomnia. All in all, the benefits are so immense that the drawbacks aren't even that impactful. The goal this week is going to be no days with more than 3 alcoholic drinks consumed. Additionally, 2 completely sober days. Playing live poker has always aided my sobriety, and I may try that "old trick" this week. Best of luck to all out there on the grind.

If I can suggest for the meditation timeframe friend, I always use some chanting, but if you can find something (on youtube, perhaps...) that lasts 10 minutes and helps you focus, I believe it is the nuts I have used the same chanting for 10 years+ now (lasts 53 minutes) and just the sound of it, puts me in a more calm state of mind... I believe that my mind easily associates the sound of the familiar chanting to a more peaceful mindset...

When you say feed the "wolf of love", you mean as a general mood throughout the day, or do you take a few minutes to actually send out some love and compassion (called "metta" in pali, or loving kindness in English)?

All the best this week

That's a great suggestion, Dubnjoy! I am going to do some research and see if I can find something that agrees with me. I can imagine that it is immensely beneficial to have a sound/chant/etc that is continually employed each time meditating. The impact seems that you would be able to reach that calm inner state with more ease like you have alluded.

The basis of the my focus on "feeding the wolf of love and starving the wolf of hate," came from a book I read and often revisit, Buddha's Brain by Dr. Rick Hanson. I use this metric more as an opportunity to scan my thoughts and emotional/mental state to try and examine what is going on beneath the surface. Often I will look for opportunities to spread compassion and love, but more generally I am focusing the "wolf" matrix as a sort of self-analysis tool in hopes of weeding out negative thoughts and feelings, like greed, envy, malice, etc.

I hope that makes something close to sense. I so much appreciate your advice on meditation, especially considering your experience with the practice.

Pretty aggravating when I feel like grinding and I can't get the ACR client to run. The day before yesterday I got in about 20 minutes before the client went down. Today, I can't get the login screen to pop up. I would deposit on Ignition, but there is something that I don't like about having to provide my SSN, especially considering that I am depositing with crypto. Can anyone that reads this make me feel at ease about providing my SSN to an online poker site?

BTW, the OKC Thunder win last night was one of the more amazing sports moments that I have ever witnessed. It was amazing to see Russ and PG spontaneously combust on the floor of the Peake like that. It will be really tough to replicate on the road in Salt Lake, but I am just happy to see the Thunder not look like someone dropped a bad of feathers on a basketball court.

Week 17:
[6/7] Meditate for a minimum of 5 minutes each day
[5/7] Exercise a minimum of 4 days each week. (minimum of 25 minute workout)
[7/7] Feed the wolf of love, starve the wolf of hate
[0 hours] 600 hours of live poker 43:40
[4 hours] 400 hours of online poker 299
[2/7, 1/3] No more than 3 alcoholic drinks in a day.


My meditation practice has shifted gears a bit. I am proud to say that the shift has been a positive one. The new benchmark is 10 minutes of meditation per day, and I was able to sit in meditation each day this past week except for one. My meditation practice also has some renewed focus, and I feel as though I am trending more toward where I have been in the past, a place where I was more calm and peaceful.

My physical fitness pursuits have also been heading toward an average of 30 minutes per workout. Not only have I been lengthening my workouts, but I have been cutting into the amount of rest time between sets, thus increasing the intensity of each workout.

I was able to get back on track with my mindfulness this week. The week before last I found myself in a bitter sour mood for much of the week. Basically I was just fighting it each day. This week, I believe my increased focus on meditation really was a big aid in my compassion area's. Also, I was a bit of a lush compared to last week, which I am sure the slight withdrawals contributed to my surly disposition.

Poker playing was nearly non-existent this week. With ACR down for most of the week, I struggled to get a scant amount of hours in there. I did fire up the client several times looking to play, but was disavowed to have no connectivity to the site. The area that was in my control was in the live poker scene, but as has been the trend of late, I put in no hours there. I was even physically in the casino on Friday night with my buddy for a casino drawing/dinner. Following the meal, we head downstairs where my buddy wants to play with $40 at blackjack and take any winnings to the poker room. My plan was to play in the 7pm tournament to really mix things up, but I have about 20 minutes until it starts. I split up with my buddy to play his blackjack and I head to play Ult X Vp. I hit a sick fullhouse on 12x payout and end up walking with +$52. My buddy loses more than the $40 he had planned on and is out of the mood to play poker. I am not far behind him as I feel I overachieved already on the day with consideration on my hangover induced from the previous night's fuel. We split from the casino. No live poker this week.

On the drinking front, it was an abdominal failure to land, even in the ball park of the goal that outlined, and thus I am saddened. Alas, I am going to take a more sanguine approach for this week to my temperance. I am now starting to realize that I setting, what may be nominal goals to others, are somewhat large leaps for me, especially after some extended years of drinking. So, I believe that with big goals, I get nervous about trying to reach them, realize that I am slipping, and go overboard in the opposite direction. This week, I am simply setting the goal of being mindful of how much I am drinking. Each time I go to have an alcoholic beverage, I look to enjoy it more, and consider how many this makes for me. Best to everyone on the grind out there!

My buddy and I had decided this past weekend that we were going to play the nightly tournament on Tuesday of this week. Tourney is $60 nightly, nothing special, ended up with 13 players. Pretty much the goal was to get back in the controlled environment and have fun mixing things.

Spent the early going folding and taking stock of the other players. First real hand of note was flatting 88 otb behind a limp from mp and raise from the hj. both blinds call and the limper calls. flop was 926r and mp limper donks out. pfr folds, hero calls, others fold. Turn is 8 (2nd club) and V checks. Hero bets 2/3 pot and V calls. River is 5c and V donk bets something small. Hero calls and V shows A9o. Okay these players are bad.

A little later on I make the nut flush and get some value. Then I see a flop 4 ways and have middle pair and gs w/ 57 and action checks around. Turn is a 5 putting 1 liner to the straight out and 2-pair for me. Utg leads out for 1/3 pot and only hero calls. River is a 5 giving me a boat and I donk out for pot and get called by the turned straight of utg V.

I end up knocking out the V from the previous hand when he shoves 13bb pf over my pfr w/ 66, hero has AKo. I Turn an A and V is out. The break is shortly after this hand and upon coming back from the break and lasting until the 2nd break I play 3 hands, going 1/3. When action resumes from the 2nd break I steal a pot or 2, Flop an A w/ AK, and have QQ hold v. aggro sb V's QTdd out of the Sb AI otf of 569r. From there I bust another shorty who shoves K9o 3 handed for about 4 bb's w/ my JJ in the Bb.

So an older man and I are head's up and he asks if I want to even chop. I am kind of eager to play head's up, as the opportunity to do so doesn't present itself to me much, and I articulate this to him. I can tell the older man doesn't want to play really and he intimates that "I probably have more chips than you," and "that's 50k in chips right there." I have more chips than V and there is actually some room to play as he had about 55k total at 800/1600. I have 75K for 46bb's to v's 34bb's, plenty of room to play a bit. So, like I said I ask villain if he will play it out if he doesn't have somewhere else to be and he says, "I am retired, I don't have anything else going on." In a playful manner I tell V that I am also retired. First hand of HU V limps the Sb, I have KK and raise to 5K, V ships AI quickly and I call. First card V flipped was an A (and had me wondering, he is somewhat snug like most older men in the room) and then flips over his 2. Board turns a wheel draw w/ his A high but V bricks the river and that wasn;t much HU play. My awkward pic (I always feel goofy taking pictures in public, this one was just something goofy for the thread of my chips stack from my huge score:



In the tourny for -$60, and the cash was for $361. +$301 in 2:30 hours of play.

In other news, my garden construction looks as such:




My dog after a nice brisk walk soaking in some sun and air:



Some wet stuff that I am working on limiting. The Yuengling just recently made its way onto shelves in Arkansas so I had to pick up a suitcase in honor of it making its way west of the Mississippi. Also, the Weller 12 was mentioned to me by the store clerk as I was perusing the whiskey and scotch on the shelves. The store clerk said that I looked like someone who would enjoy such. Inexpensive at $40, but I have never seen the the Weller 12 being sold before, so I am guessing it is somewhat difficult to find, at least in this area.





I am hoping to find my way back into the live poker scene at least once more this week, this time around for some cash hours. I am also looking at hoping into the Global Poker scene for my online play. ACR has just been too ****ty to put up with as of late.