It is an art class in Southern California.
If those kids liked you then you should wonder what is wrong with you.

this type of behavior occurs in every school and many workplaces and most especially to us Outsiders .
people tend to fear what they don't understand and the shunning and such come from that

That sucks to hear but I'm sure there's something(s) you did to unknowingly piss people off. Sure you can't make friends with everyone but like dogarse said usually a group of strangers isn't gonna treat you like crap without a reason.

Ding Ding.

That's annoying to hear KK, but you do seem to have the right mindset towards it. Experiences can be harsh, confronting and painful but ultimately a useful learning experience where you end up a better person for it. You seem willing to work out what your issues are and work on them, kudos on that, for real.

For what it's worth I'm also in the camp of "manning up" and facing one of your classmates on what it is that bothers them. If nothing else, at least you'll know.

How's the apartment coming along?

The “aura” part, was just my way of abbreviating the signs I picked up from him. He most definitely does not like me, could be because he finds me threatening or he needs someone to pick on. Won’t get too much into it, but as of now, I’m avoiding him. Tomorrow is potentially my last class.
I most definitely am not a complete dick, possibly the complete opposite. The first week I exuded friendliness, conversation, smiles, but maybe that gave off a vibe of neediness/the stench.

Yea, sounds good in theory, but not for a person with anxieties like me. 1 in 20 people are sociopaths, or something like that. I’ve met some in my life before, and as a sensitive person/empath, confronting a potential sociopath is the most frightening thing in my world. Thanks for the advise Richard, but that’s a big nope for me

haha this actually made me lol

very true. The unfortunate/fortunate thing about life is that your relatability (is that a word?) with others depends on your experiences and life events. If you grew up in the same town, went to the same schools, had the same friends and went to the same parties, you’ll have a group of kids that are able to relate with you on your deepest levels. On the other hand, if you grew up in a warring state, had guns waived around your face and lived in poverty, experienced dark depressions, then moved to go to university in suburbia USA, you won’t have as many people able to relate with you, isolating you even further, darkening you even further.
The lesson here is, you may have no say in what kind of person you turn out to be. Your experiences could churn you out to be the most demonic person, or the most moral and angelic person. You just have to run good, from beginning to end.


Apartment is great overall, I’m feeling healthier with a better food intake. I’m not in full survival mode on the streets, which takes some of the edge off.

Been catching up on some TV shows and Movies. Just recently saw the Revenant. I’m actually not a fan. Maybe I missed something, but I feel like it’s only 1 level deep, it’s just a survival/revenge story. 5/10



Thanks bud, cheers to the Lunar New year!


My date tonight

very nice to hear that your new digs are working out and that you can eat / sleep better

That's one sexy looking bud

Glad the apartment is working out well

Art class jerk sounds like what you expect at art class! My GF did a fine art degree but socialised with her sports friends because the artists were vaguely irritating on average and unbearable in some instances.

Don't be upset by nasty people or afraid of sociopaths. You should feel sorry for them. You know the nasty ones are trying (and failing) to fill a hole in their egos by dragging others down. You also know that sociopaths are missing out on all the best stuff about being human; even if they can never understand it. Sociopath's are basically disabled.

We just watched The Revenant too. Have to agree it wasn't all that great. We thought it was way too long, sickeningly violent (and usually I like violence!) and so absurdly unrealistic that we struggled to suspend our disbelief. Still the photography was excellent and it did capture the grimness of a frontier existence.

Too much hatred in that movie...

gee, thanks. i take back my lunch offer now.

Sorry man, don't take it personally. I'm mostly just butthurt about not having been able to have played on LATB after all the peer pressure and fuss. One way or another,* sometime during my road trip during summer, I'm planning on playing a few venues, maybe LATB, and I'll proudly sport the shirt. (Still would like to have a logo or something as well, I'm a big super hero fan)

It's already two thirds of the way thru feb, so it's coming up soon. Let me know if there's any must play venues or must visit cities, mostly around the west coast or mid west-ish. I'd love to meet up with some of you, talk poker, life, and other sh**. I think it's time to try and over come my anxiety and come out of my shell slowly.

Haven't jotted down any hands as of late, but my recent sessions haven't been too bad.
+100, +175, -185, +478, +244

No huge expenditures homefront wise, so no life leaks as of yet. but I am thinking about visiting the rents over a weekend if I can find a good flight deal on Expedia or something. I'm missing that structured parental love.

Been up for about... 30 hours straight now. Will smoke some of that Santa Maria and probably knock out for about 14 hours.

Yesterday I played a daytime session from 4 to 8 pm. I usually play night times, especially on the lucrative weekends, Thursday through Saturday but I happened to be nearby and stopped by to see a juicy game.

*I was happy enough with my play that day, but incredibly disappointed with the results. There was a whale, I can only describe as a Spaz King Ultra (SKU). Guy with Hispanic decent, mustache, mole on his left cheek, fairly happy go lucky, chatty, with beer in hand most of the time. He calls wide pre and usually bets out if he catches any part of the flop.

It was one of those days that when I made the right move against the spaz, I'd get felted. But when other Regs played against him, they'd get massive value. I felt I was just dumping to the spaz, and in turn the spaz gave away my money to my competitors.

One hand:

3/5 blinds
SKU (340$): In MP, limps for 5$.
A couple folds between
KingKrab ($235): with AhQs in LP, makes it $25 knowing that villain will call.
Folds to BB.
BB (225$): calls $25.
SKU: Calls $25.

Three players to flop, $75 pot.

Flop comes JcQh6h.
BB: checks.
SKU($315): bets out $40.
KingKrab ($210): I raise to $100 with my top pair.
BB: folds.
SKU ($275): calls the $60 more.

Turn comes JcQh6h* Qd
SKU ($215): bets 100$.
Kingkrab ($110): I go all in for ten more dollars.
SKU: calls.

Pot is $395.

River comes the king of hearts.
*JcQh6h* Qd Kh
*Okay... I'm not happy with the third heart...
Spaz looks me in the eye and asks me if I have the flush. This has happened to me before when somebody asks me that, they have like, the baby flush, so yea, still not happy.
I say "no, I don't. Do you?"
Spaz says no. I feel much better now.

Still no cards flipped up yet.

I show first, my AQ for trip queens.
Guy looks at my cards, then the board. He looks at my cards again, and then at the board again. He does it a third time.

I'm still waiting for him to muck, when he flips up two black kings.

Spaz had hit Kings full on the river.
He scoops the $395 pot, and proceeds to dump my money to the other regulars at the table. For the next hour until he busts his once 1k stack, then reaches into his pocket to lose an additional buy in to the other guys.

I mean, I'm still positive for the year but I feel like I've played so many good sessions. I'm due for a 4 figure score, but haven't hit one as of yet. I don't fu**ing know what I'm doing wrong. Maybe it's my style of play.

Maybe it's the games you play in. When everyone at the table is so short the edge is so small and variance so high no matter how much better you think you are.

Is it impossible to find a 1/2 game that people can buy into for $500+. I'm sure one day you're going to go somewhere and play in a real game and everything is just going to click. Also not really sure what the point of the virtual min-raise is on such a wet board with 22bbs behind. If you want pot control just call, if you want value just ship. You're just putting yourself in a spot where you can never told the turn on a board where half the deck sucks for you.

The good ol' injustice, entitlement whine.

I am so good, why am I not making more money?

I’m the type of person that learns a lot from movies.

One of my favorite movies from the past year has been “End of Tour” with Jason Segal playing a character that I deeply identify with. The movie was a flop in theaters. Essentially, it’s one long philosophical conversation between 2 characters, and I guess it wasn’t america’s cup of tea. (I think it made like negative 6 million or something) just as in life, the monetary counter should not be the main factor in judging something’s worth. If you want to take a look into a deep philosophical mind and don’t want to read 1000 pages of the book it was based on, I highly recommend watching “End of Tour.”

In no way am I a genius as Segal’s character was in the movie, but the angles we view the world are the same. This is in no way a spoiler, because they give this info away in the trailer, but he wants so hard to be a genuinely good person, and ends up killing himself.

I don’t want to end up like that. but very frequently, these past few weeks, thoughts of suicide have crossed my mind. I close my eyes at night, and I envision myself jumping in front of a speeding train. I envision myself being on the 10th floor of a building, somehow opening up the window and jumping out. I don’t believe these aren’t normal thoughts that normal people have.

I tried telling my friends about these thoughts that come to my mind, and what he told me was, “that’s selfish bro. your family, the people that love you, you’d just be hurting them.”
What he said is true to an extent. but I don’t believe he’s experienced my specific levels of pain, someone who actually considers death as one of the better alternatives.

I said to him, “have you ever considered, that a person contemplating suicide experiences so much accumulated pain on the inside, that the pain of dying to that individual would be a considerably less painful alternative?”

I’m doing alright at the moment. I have an appointment with a GP tomorrow and Friday to see what kind of therapy I may need. I don’t want to be big pharma medicated again, dulling out the edges of my mind, but I also don’t believe in the ability to rehabilitate depression and cynicism. I wish it was a thing, but I see what I have as having opened eyes. People are bad, there is bad sh** out there. People will cut you, scam you, take advantage of you for a buck (or sex). There is no potion or treatment that will magically have the ability to close my eyes to that. it’s like telling a smart person to stop being smart. or a short person to stop being short. The pandora’s box has been open. There’s no way back.

ah yes the old "suicide is selfish" claim frequently parroted by people with no ability to empathise. "don't kill yourself because people will feel bad", well what about the suicidal person? what if they have exhausted every option? if you really cared about them would you want them to continue living a miserable existence? complicated questions for sure and obviously there is no right or wrong but people really need to think before they make blanket statements like "suicide is selfish"

haha "i dont want to be big pharma medicated"

still smokes weed regularly to dull said pain

Years of habitual weed use commonly leads to depression, it doesnt affect everyone this way but from my experience with aquaintences and what I read it was quite common.
If you want to avoid big pharma and cure naturally the simplest way is diet+exercise+sunlight. Quit weed altogether and get 30mins of direct sunlight a day, find some outdoor activity that preferably also counts as exercise.

Spot on

Yea man, I see the irony in it. I was high 9 hours ago when I read this and I had one of those “Aha” ultimate realization moments, realizing that you hit it on the head of the nail.

What you may not realize is that it’s not ironic in the exact sense that you think. As a person that has had prescribed medication as well as self medication, there are major differences, pros and cons to both. For me, at this point in my life, Pot > Sobriety > Anti-depressants

The anti-depressants cut off the sharp pains of the valleys, but they also cut off a huge portion of the glorious mountain peaks. The pains and the gains of life are what make life worth experiencing. Sure, atm the pains seem to exceed the gains, but like a song from a decade ago said, “I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all.”

Pot on the other hand seems to temporarily sharpen those edges, those peaks and valleys. It’s like experiencing some things for the first time again. The ability to watch comedy movies and south park episodes again and laugh like I did when I was a kid. The dullness and cynicism comes back only after coming back down.

The cynicism is only just a new realization that I’ve had about myself. I’ve known for a long time that I’m depressed, but only a few weeks ago did I learn that I was a cynic. I think we all grow to be cynics, but a different rates of growth. The older you get, the less new experiences you have. I mean, if you work in clothing sales and have the same da** conversation about bluejeans 45x a day x 7 years, how interesting can the conversation be towards the end? Daily mundane sh** becomes less fun, poker becomes less fun.

The professions we take on change who we are. The majority of Middle aged+ men I sit with at the poker table seem to have a quiet type of cynicism about life. What I know for sure is being a poker player didn’t help me from becoming a cynic.


Today’s KingKrab wants to wholeheartedly take on your advice and run with it. I don’t know what tomorrow’s KingKrab is going to feel like. He might want to take the easy way out. There is always a consistent battle between to distinct and separate lines of thought in my head. No, it’s not like two different voices or characters in my head. I’m not at that point. It’s hard to explain atm. Like, an example might be yesterday I write a note to myself, telling myself to give up this poker thing, get clean, and attempt to reenter the 9 to 5 job market. Be a responsible adult. The next day, that motivation is gone, and another motivation appears. Today, I tell myself to continue chasing my dream of being a poker pro, the freedom is worth so much more than the stability. KingKrab, you can’t handle the social pressures of normal work with your anxieties and depression. And I feel like both are correct. I think it’s called cognitive dissonance that I’m experiencing.

I appreciate the advice coinflipper. I’m going to write it down somewhere so hopefully I won’t forget.

When was the last time you were sober for a solid year? Like no pot, no alcohol, no pharma drugs?

I am no trained specialist of any kind, but I would probably think that poker rooms and casinos are last places for you to frequent.

Kind of like alcoholics probably shouldn't work in a bar.

Removing yourself from a bad situation is probably a good first step if you want to move forward.

Wow this is some deep depressing sh*t in this thread.

OP, it's easy for others to say you should quit pot and get your act together, clearly it isnt as easy for you as im sure you wouldnt be in this spot if that was the case.
However you should realise that you have a choice to be here, like you said you can just jump in front of a train and end it all today if you wanted to. Given that youre still here you have your reasons to live life. Now you can either live a sh*tty life, blame everything on other people being 'bad' and do drugs all day, or you can just try and see the positive in everything instead, easier said then done but doing the latter will work out eventually. Ofcourse smoking weed & bitch and moan about everything is easier but it's really just you being too much of a coward to do something about your situation.

Dont mean this as an attack to you btw. Its just better to be straight with people in your situation, sympathisers will just encourage you to stay on this path.

I am no psychiatrist but no way you should ever use one... There are so many "different types" of depressions that they apparently find every year... It is very misleading, makes no logical sense and only makes things look worse for people. All those anti-depressants and weed is only temporarily blocking your relationship with problems. I used to smoke weed a lot too, especially when feeling down. You should understand that no matter the size of the problem, the mechanics of a human being feeling sad or happy are always the same, there's no need to complicate things. You should at all costs avoid using any sort of drugs and alter your state this way. Only then you'll learn how to control it. I know, us humans are always looking for that good state of mind and sometimes like you mentioned before, weed is the easiest way to reach it.

I may come across like a douche trying to make it sound as if its simple as 1 2 3. By no means it is, however, it is simple to understand how it all works and to find a way to fix it. Now getting to the point, you not having motivation in simple terms means - not wanting to live.

I am going to make I guess as to what exactly is in your way of getting back that motivation in life and this may not be the main reason, but Im sure it is one of them. You have mentioned in one of the previous comments that people are horrible, they use you, **** you over and so on. The way this then leads you to be unhappy is it creates a program in your unconscious mind where whenever you set goals for yourself, you automatically reject and make them meaningless as what you unconsciously tell yourself is that no matter what happens, future is going to bring you the same **** experiences with people. You could use this with many examples like things not working out with girls or failing job interviews and so on. Be honest with yourself, it so happens that you are in this world right now, you cant just disappear. Make your mind up, if you want to live, say it to yourself and make it clear. A problem is never a problem if you cannot solve it therefore you either solve your problems if you can, or they do not exist otherwise.

I am by no means suggesting you to just try and "keep positive", this is not very good either since its not facing your problems, just another way of hiding them. Like I said before, just be honest with yourself, concentrate on what you need to only, you are the one in charge of your life and others cannot affect it in any way if you dont let them. Everything is only your fault, admit it to yourself and start fresh.

This is no rocket science for sure, but what is common sense to us is quite often hidden by our emotions that get in the way of our logical thinking.. I wish you luck man, follow your dreams!

edit: set yourself a challenge, do not smoke pot until you are 110% sure that you are happy without it. (You have to be careful with this one as it's hard for most of us to be honest with ourselves, and our minds will play tricks to get what we want. So be really sure when you do )

^^ +1

I think so too..Depression is 'overrated' word,it just something they invent to sell drugs..(pardon my English).. I mean people who live in 3rd world country never heard such things in their lives,do you think they fix with drugs when they had your symptoms?

Sorry,if my words doesn't make any sense,I kinda agreed with what PresentMoment said about it..