ty ty! I think I didn't post for so long that probably everyone unsubbed.

Ate salad today, jogged a mile for the 5th day in a row, planning on getting some good quality running shoes, still trying to hammer away at reading PGCs and How to Read Hands. Didn't meditate...hell I'll go do that now.

...Wow. So, I normally try to keep track of breaths, to a count of 10. Kept losing count. But thinking of the outbreath as 1.0, inbreath as 1.5, out 2.0, I made it all the way to 10.0 the first try. Not that letting thoughts run for a while, while breathing deeply, is a bad thing. I'm still breathing deeply as I type this. I felt impatient dring the count-up though. right around 5 or 6, I felt this desire to "do something", but that impatience kind of turned into a smile, laughing it off.

Definitely recommend breathing meditation for anyone who has running thoughts or anxiety issues.

I did eat a load of junk food yesterday and today, but not a horrifically high amount. Shared it with the gf. Will get back to healthy eating. Regular exercise tends to make me feel less like eating junk food. Don't know exactly why. It also makes me much more aware of when I'm dehydrated. (I personally think that exercise doesn't just use up water--it shakes the awareness up, that the body was already dehydrated.)

Here's to more healthy decisions!

Starting this thread back up again because I need some sort of poker journal to keep my brain more focused.

I have been through a hell of a lot since my last post but I'll just start with where I'm at.

Available life roll is at 2.7k. I'm renting a room in a house for 400/month in a nicer neighborhood with free wifi, laundry, utilities, it's a pretty sweet deal. I've been here since Feb 1 of this year. If I need to get a job, I definitely can. There are *tons* of people hiring in my area. Only it's either minwage work or factory which I'm not too keen on. But I have considered it.

Focus at the table of late has been severely lacking. Let's fix that.

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A few connected hands.

V1: Lagfish who *can* make smart reads and moves and gets spazzier the drunker he gets, is a bit tipsy. Covers.

v2: old lady who is super nittish calling preflop money. I've seen her disgustedly open fold KK to an all in preflop shove of $32. That was years ago and I think she's loosened up a bit but not much really. She spazzes a bit postflop for *small* money but never big money. Recently saw her have 99 on a 9T66x board where the x brought a diamond flush and her opponent shoved, and she disgustingly folded, showing her 3rd nut hand, and he showed AJdd which he did *not* know he was turning into a bluff.

Hand 1 ($1/2):

I'm in the CO, V1 is button straddle for $5 and V2 is MP. limps to me I have ATo, I limp and button checks.

flop AT6, pot $20. I bet 18, V1 snap calls, V2 calls, and I'm already concerned a bit. she would flat anything but AA here.

Turn is a 6 putting a club draw out, and I feel I'm probably screwed because one of them has it. she checks, I check and he bets 50, and she calls. her call scares the crap out of me and I fold thinking **** it I can't be good.

Turned out he had A3 and she had A9 and they were both drawing dead. I told a local pro who knows both of them as well as I do and he said he thought the *bottom* of her range was AK there.

So that tilted me a bit.

Hand 2:

I've moved to get position on V1, who has been getting drunker and spazz raising. he makes it 20 I make it 70 with QQ, girl to my left calls all in for 70 exactly, V1 tank calls (probably with most of his range), flop KJTdd, he checks and I shove for value, he tank tank folds, apparently folded a K tho according to the girl but I've seen him show down K5 offsuit twice this session so I believe it. Girl has TT turn A river T, nhgg.

Hand 3: V1 raises to 15 over a few straddle limpers, and I make it 65 on the button with KK, V2 old lady flat calls, all others fold.

flop is rags and V2 open shoves covering my remaining 100. Like I said I've seen her open fold KK for 32 preflop so what do you think she is calling for 65? I tank and tilt call, of course she has AA.

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I rebuy for my last 200 out of 600, get down to 100 and limp shove KJo against what turns out to be TT and JJ from spazzy preflop raisers (who happen to have hands this time) but I spike a river J and triple up to over 300. So I end the night down about 300.

It was a really rough night and I need to do a lot better at handling my emotions and focusing at the table. I think I do better when I don't have access to my phone because it's very distracting and gets me in the world of social considerations. My social life is pretty painful in some spots right now and I think anything that pulls me out of focus is bad. And poker pain and social pain should not be mixed. Potent cocktail for tiltfail.

As for the rest of my life:

-I'm pushing myself still to improve at classical guitar and build a repertoire. I've been asked a couple of times if I teach, but nothing has come of that yet. Interested in performing gigs if I can from time to time.

-I've learned lots of social dances including ballroom, west coast swing, latin, and argentine tango. Had some great experiences

-took a cross country poker road trip last year. Stayed with a fellow 2p2er, friends, and family along the way. Saw lots of amazing things and felt that I grew up a bit.

-learned to throw darts recently, great fun.

-have continued meditation practice, not always consistently

-now exercise daily as a rule. I do a variety of things, and am actually interested in getting into parkour

-haven't been cooking as much. Want to cook more

Cooked some kickass Thai curry last night.

Woke up 1 PM which is later than I'd like. Started the day feeling ugh, I think I watched a little TV, but I forget.

Worked out today (Monday is torso day), actually made a passing comment to the trainer girl I have a bit of a crush on, at the Planet Fitness I go to, and she laughed with me about it, so that was good. Also kept my cool when a ridic toned petite Latina girl moved and did part of her workout where I could see her in the mirror. Don't know if it was intentional or not but just kept doing my own.

Went in to poker much more focused on watching hands and putting people on ranges. And I kept my phone in my pocket for a long while. The focus showed results in my emotional state--when I really focus on the game I'm way happier than when I zone out and am just waiting for my turn to play.

Probably not coincidentally, I had a *much* needed win. I have a very long climb to being "properly rolled" however.

Welcome back! I'm not folding hand 1, maybe we can fold if we have like AJ given the read. Stacking off with KK preflop less than 100bb is pretty much always +EV vs most opponents ranges, we can start think about hero folding >100bb eff stacks.

Parkour eh?

Yeah I'm just in the beginning stages of Parkour. Definitely don't have an ego about it, ha.

Today didn't get to the gym because I woke up too late--1 PM. Did practice dance, got to poker at 4.

At poker I had a hell of a time trying to pay attention to hands because I was actually enjoying the table conversation. I tried a few times to make myself just watch the hands but it felt like everyone wanted to talk and it was very distracting. Still was up 150ish when I left for Latin dancing.

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Thought I'd take a minute to describe a little what the social dancing is like/about.

Our Latin dancing community is very welcoming, full of life and fun, and not incidentally has a higher concentration of beautiful women than any other place I go locally. We dance salsa, bachata, merengue, cumbia, cha cha, and kizomba. Each dance has its own spirit, style and technique. I've been doing it for 2.5 years now and still feel like a noob in several of the dances. I want to kick it up a notch and really push myself to get better.

To get an idea for salsa, here's a video of a salsa social dance in Vegas. These are some great dancers.



It's a faster dance with lots of moves and combinations.

Today, there were a lot of people missing who I love seeing there, so it was a less satisfying night than average, but I still saw people I love and enjoy dancing with.

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After dance, went back to poker, which may or may not have been a mistake. Ended up down 175ish total for the night. A couple hands:

Limps around the table to me in the BB with JJ, I make it 15 more so 17 total, just the table's laggro semidrunk called, he had already bluffed one river and value bet another against me, I'd called both. Pot 40ish flop K96 rainbow, I check he bets 15, I call. turn a 4, I check he bets 20 I call, river a 2, I check he bets 35, I think a bit, would he triple barrel? Yeah my plan was to check call three streets, so stick to the plan, and yep he had A8o. nh.

Later I was in worse shape sitting on 149 (bought in for 300), I limped AQo in early position vs a button straddle from a somewhat loose passive. decided not to set up a large pot oop vs the laggro or others. A somewhat tight player raises to 25 over my limp and two others, laggro calls, straddler (who gives me good credit in large pots) calls, and guy to my right (who gives me a lot of credit) calls. I decide to shove and hopefully pick up all the money right there, if OR doesn't call. OR tank calls, everyone else folds. He had TT and we ran it twice, I bricked out both times. Good play? I mean as it played out yeah, coin toss with dead money. But. I assume his range raising was 99+, ATs+, AJo+, KQs, KQo, which gives me 42% equity if he isn't folding anything.

Anyway I'm tired. Going to keep pushing myself this week.

Did a so-so job of paying attention to poker last night and tonight. If we're talking paying attention to every hand I'm not in, and trying to range everyone at all times, keeping track of the pot size and the action, I'm probably at like 5-10%. No kidding.

Still had a win last night, and a very small win tonight.

I seem to have a pattern of getting my stack up and feeling good about my winning session, and then losing it back. I don't know if this is because I often have somewhere else I would like to be and am losing out of conflict, whether I am actually playing worse and need to take a break or implement some kind of focus shunt, or if conditions change and the game gets worse and I don't notice because I'm doing well and la-di-da. It could be a number of things.

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I have one pretty significant hand to post. I'm big blind. Opponent is somewhat unknown, seems loose preflop, may be somewhat bluffy, has been caught on a river bluff from time to time, has told me for whatever reason that he's going to get me all in sometime.

Previously in the session I played a 68 and flopped 79xdd (no diamond for me). called a small bet, turn 8x, 4-way, bettor bets again reasonably small, I call and O calls, river Td, I check and he bets 50, original bettor folds, I tank call, O shows J8o.

Now, O is utg and raises to 5, gets 4 callers and I call in the BB with 23o because I'm getting 9 to 1.

Pot 30, flop A45. I do not have a club. I check, O bets 5 again, folds to me, I checkraise to 30, he calls.

Pot 90, turn is 8. I bet 50 and he calls. Says something about "need to hit my card" (which I largely ignore), and

Pot 190, river comes 2. I bet 50 and he snap shoves for 183 more. 2.6 to 1 pot odds, but more important is his immediacy about getting it in. And then he said "I told you I was going to get it in with you". I tanked, he was sitting very still sitting at the table. His breathing seemed a little excited...his thumb was shaking a bit.

But I don't know enough about this guy for sure to know if he thinks a slowplayed set could be good here. Wouldn't he reraise a flop checkraise? If he had 67 shouldn't he have raised the turn? I felt like he would've. I thought about 33 and A3, more specifically A3cc, but maybe even 22. I was really worried about 36 suited, because I had forgotten that he raised preflop. I feel like the raise pre mostly takes 36's out of his range and the turn flat makes 67 way less likely, so I figure maybe he really is bluffing, or is overvaluing a set.

But given I was thinking he straddled pre, does that make this a fold given 36 as an open ender on the flop and turn is in his range?

Thoughts would be appreciated.

Raise pre. Bet turn (regardless but especially if villains could have A). As played call turn.

If he's spazz raising it may be better to be on his right. No clue about this hand because I have no clue how much you shoved for but if you are betting for value and get better to fold then you are probably betting for the wrong reasons.

Snap call. I could maybe fold to this lady preflop, but given the action this is a super snap call, say nice hand,and move on to the next one.

Don't do this. $100 is still a decent stack in a 1/2 game. There are so many better spots pre and post flop to GII with a short stack than to put it all in with an often dominated hand...but again you should still have plenty of play-ability with $100.

Stop limping strong value hands pre.

Winning flips is not how you make money playing cash games. At this point in your poker career (when it appears you are struggling to book consistent wins) you should only be putting 75bbs in the middle in spots where your equity is very strong..ie in a lot of the spots your opponents will be drawing to 2 to 5 outs. You ever hear about those "nut players" in live poker? You should be trying to be that guy.

If you can't pay attention then you probably shouldn't play.

I would have checked in this spot to entice a bluff.

Even against an opponent who is calling 100% and is going to play aggressive post, when he's in position? Or would you think *especially* against an opponent like that?

Shove was for roughly size of pot. I wasn't betting to get better to fold, I was shoving to get value from his speculative junky calls like QJ, J9, T9, 98, Ax, and I guess giving him 2 to 1 odds I'm hoping he'll fold heart draws but it's unlikely.

Thinking I should've bet 100 instead of 200 to better entice junky calls, and if he shoves I'm obv committed to the hand.

Okay but she literally never bets aggressively, *let alone open shoves* like this without the nuts or what she thinks is the nuts. I've seen her angrily fold to an all in shove of $32 pre with KK, but here she called 65...not relevant? I feel like those two factors, I can find a fold. I have 4 years of playing history with her.

Agreed, it was a long night and I was tilting. I should've taken more breaks.

Well I was hoping to just take it down pre in this specific situation, or be in a dominating situation all in pre vs the laggro with dead money. If I get all in against the laggro's QK or A9 preflop with 25% dead money on the side I look like a genius.

Yeah, I used to be that guy. One time a guy folded QQ (correctly) to my 3bet, someone said "how can you fold that?" and he said "have you watched him play?".

Amen. Too many mistakes made due to not knowing opponents' tendencies when I could've had them pretty much figured out by that time.

Agreed.

AT, from the CO with limpers in front of you should be raised virtually 100% of the time. If button doesn't like to fold then I probably raise larger than normal.

It's just a pot size bet so it's not that important of a spot but shoving seems best.

It would be a super rare instance. Too often I've seen these nitty types that normally play the nuts take a stand like this with overpairs because they don't want an Ace or a King to hit the turn.


There are things you can do to entice action..play looser hand ranges in position or bluff 3bet pre to win dead money and show random junk are a couple examples.

Now this particular spot there is a ton of dead money in the middle and it is a profitable play, and I'm not saying you should avoid a profitable play when it presents itself. However, from a general strategic perspective getting in flip situations is not how you beat live low stakes a high clip. The problem with flips is that there is substantial short-term risk and in live poker it can take a very long time to ever get to the long term. Thus, you're risking your profitability, your bankroll, your session length (if you have a stop loss), and your mental game (tilt factor if you lose a big flip). If, as an example, you brought a few buyins to the casino and then had to make an early exit because you lost a couple flips that would be a real shame because if you are patient in live poker villains will just gift you their stacks drawing virtually dead.

There is also a chance that you aren't ranging your opponents properly in spots like this which can turn a theoretically profitable spot into an unprofitable spot.

She doesn't think ahead that way. I can't prove that to you but she 100% does not act thinking about a future street. There is a *huge* difference in how she bets the nuts vs. how she bets anything else.

Here's an example. She flops a set of 9's on T94dd, turn is a 4, and river is a 6d putting a diamond flush out there. She check calls the flop 3 ways and bets the turn but not large, and checks the river and folds (grumbling about it) to her opponent's pot sized shove for 150ish. Opponent didn't know her and based on her actions completely reasonably thought he was *value* shoving with the nut flush, trying to induce a bluff catch by her. She *folded* the 2nd nut boat, only TT and 44 would've had her beat.

Understood.

Yes, I completely agree with you. Going for coin flips with dead money is not a normal strategy of mine, it just seemed better than calling or folding in this particular spot. But I do get that raising to 25 myself would've been fine.

Getting better at darts:

So it's been a while since I've posted. Been running pretty good. Getting myself to focus on reading hands is incredibly difficult. Although I remember the first time I did well recently, I didn't pick up my phone for two hours.

My goal for Friday's session: have at least two one-hour fragments where I don't look at my phone, I let go of results, and focus on every hand people play, and try to get a deeper sense of the players (will be mostly people I've played with a lot before but autopilot with). More is better but I'm setting the bar low.

There's a very good chance I'll be taking a break to go Latin dancing, as it's a one-Friday-a-month thing in a fantastic venue. May not, however.

Went west coast swing dancing tonight, Thursdays are the night for that. Although a new club game has fired up on Thursdays. If it turns out to be regularly good action, I may be missing out on the dancing. Have to set priorities as my roll is still far from healthy.

Played absolutely horrible tonight. The session started with me running really well but not focusing. Then I lost the money back with what was, as best as I can remember, splashy play. I was distracted by my phone and when I set it down I was distracted by my conversation. I was excited to go dancing later in the night and then people were asking me about it. I had been up 350 and ended up down 25.

Then I went dancing feeling pretty pissed. (It wasn't just bad play but I'm sure that was part of it.)

Then dancing was amazing. I had some great dances with attractive girls. Endorphins got flowing.

After getting back, I sat down with 300 to a very loose and splashy table. 57cc six ways for 15 and I overcall and check dark, flop the joint 346r, checks around. Turn Td putting dd out. I bet 30 and loose splashy guy who plays little cards a ton raises to 90. Folds to me, I jam for 195 on top but I have a tight/nit image so this is a horrible play. He still tanks before folding and his fold changes the entire course of the table. Still, I'm 130 up now.

Then there is a straddle to 5 and 5 limpers to me, I call on the button with QTss, SB has been raising every single hand and doesn't disappoint, makes it 16. 5 callers to me. I call (duh). Flop A4h6h, checks to the guy on my right who is a bit of a calling station, he makes it 30 and I raise to 80 because I feel like this is a good bluffing spot and what the hell, I have extra money from that last pot. Italicized because I think that is a *horrible* thought process. folds around to him, he calls for the extra 50 leaving him with 26 behind. Oh ****. I didn't see that he only had 106 to start with on the flop. I wouldn't have tried that if I knew he'd put a third of his stack in. I didn't even ask his stack size before bluffing.

And on like that, for the rest of the night, I am intellectually ashamed of how I played but emotionally kind of numb.

I think I have a special kind of tilt where when I am excited about my results in poker OR in life, I splash around, don't focus and play badly. This has been a recurring sense for years and I don't know for sure how to get rid of it. I have Mental Game of Poker and Elements of Poker and they deserve a re-read because my play tonight was inexcusable. I'm pretty horrified by the thought that for me to play poker well, my life has to feel like it's going badly. But it seems to help immensely when it is.

I have to simply accept that this is the way it is, and attempt to fix the problem.

Noticing it, like you just have and then recognizing it when it's happening are two of the biggest steps.

No way those dart results are real

It's real. I'm not that good on average of course so maybe I should take it to BBV.

Man waking up today felt okay until I remembered the poker session last night.

Try try again today.

Been a while since I posted. I seem to be on a cycle of eventually finding my way back here when I realize I need to refocus somehow. I don't think my thinking or attention on hands are quite as clear as they used to be. Just need a place to write thoughts down.

First real key hand tonight was at 1/2, table was splashy, a couple guys in particular, one of whom is way looser when drinking, and he was currently. He kept raising to 11 preflop with a wiiiide range.

I have KJ in the HJ, I overlimp because I'm very likely to get paid well if I spike. I don't raise because players are more likely to make calling mistakes than folding mistakes.

6 players total, pot 30, flop is JJ6ss. I don't know if I had a spade. Splashy guy has been betting 11 tonight with all kinds of random junk preflop, bets 11 on the flop. one caller, I make it 40. splashy calls, caller folds.

Heads up, pot 120ish, turn 5x. He checks I bet 65, he calls. I'm praying no spade.

pot 250, river 4x. He bets 40 out, I call, he shows J6. You could say I should have iso'd him away preflop, but I'm GII against every jack in his range on the flop. So I don't feel super bad about that hand but I did lose 150.

Hand that sucks is against same player at end of the night, table is down to 4-handed, no longer crazy, he almost left but came back for a bit, we've been tossing around blinds or single raised pots for about 20 minutes, I pick up QQ on his straddle, and raise to 20, the other two guys call, and he makes it 60. I have 210 total. I don't remember seeing him 3-bet at all tonight, so I'm worried, but there's a voice in my head saying "you can't fold QQ 4-handed!" and for some reason just calling doesn't even occur to me, I feel like my options are just shove or fold. I don't know why. I talk myself into thinking he might do this and call down with TT and JJ and AK, making a shove good for value. I shove he has AA. after the fact I'm thinking maybe he just flats TT JJ and AK...making anything but folding horrible.

I really doubt myself after hands like that, because there are pros I know who are simply better than me and wouldn't ever make a mistake like that (I think).

I stick around too long in bad situations because inertia is just hard to break and I don't know, something in me tells me to stay. I thought maybe I could outplay the end-of-the-night spazz play. Maybe people were getting tired and would make a bad move.

But I was the one who was tired, and made a bad move. I really need to work hard at getting better. I'm considering getting medication for my ADD again.