Sooo quick review: It was a success in the sense I didn't tilt and enjoyed playing; a failure in regards to the session goals, as I made some really bad calling mistakes plus tilted a lot (but just for a couple of minutes at a time) when losing at a table.

Some bad calls:





The second one was vs a seemingly aggro monkey from stats, low bet w$sd etc. but it was still a 3-way 3bet pot with 4 to straight on board; I don't beat much there.

The crux of that hand is as usual my loose call pre, that's where the attachment creeped in.

Mental notes:

when attached to a hand - frantically search for excuses to justify my call/bluff, looking up stats with that intention in mind

I think I can use this to improve recognition, this problem is the one where I have the worst recognition thus I'm not able to realize when getting attached to a hand. Should tinker with the logic reminder as well.

stop calling marginal hands pre because I make so many mistakes post flop, esp due to attachment!

Should also do a mental hh on this problem perhaps, at least a logic reminder so I can catch it early - preflop.

take out the results tab of the hud's pop up as it really tilts me!

It's not ideal as it kind of is running away from the problem a bit, but it will appear often enough I'm sure; if I lessen the frequency perhaps I can better work on it.

Good luck, op. The mental side is the biggest struggle for a lot of players (myself included) so it's good that you're taking this step to try to sort it out. I only skimmed through, but will catch up later and follow your progress.

Thanks. Although lately I've only been tilting and not feel like I'm making any progress I probably am in the sense that I'm not losing 10 buy ins when at my worst but 4 or 5 or even just 1-2, as I delay the onset of it and manage to quit earlier.

I'm pretty sure my accumulated emotion is sky high and I have Desperation Tilt, as JT calls it. It doesn't help that I need to work a lot, like 10 hrs/day, and that I've really been neglecting working on my mental game. Simply reading stuff I wrote for 5-10 minutes before playing doesn't cut it, I need to dig deeper. So the plan is:

1) work 10 hrs/day the next 2 weeks, 6 playing, 4 studying, 2 of those 4 being work on the mental game - one hour new stuff, reading and writing, one hour doing pre-session preparation and post-session analysis for the two biggest playing sessions.

2) Create a tilt profile with all the steps listed, keep working and studying it as new information comes out, review it before every session

3) Use all the other steps in the "non-negotiable strategy" listed in the book in the desperation tilt strategy, which include a strict stop loss, regular braeks and many others.

4) Strictly adhere to my number of tables strategy and table selection strategy, which is probably my #1 trigger for going out of control tilt - it happened on Sunday, it wouldn't have if I had used it.

Finally getting to play, although just for one our; been some hectic days. For my vast number of reader's amusement, woke up at 6:30 today ready to take advantage of party poker's happy hour only to ruin the old, decrepit faucet of this apartment, which isn't even ours, and find water everywhere, not knowing where to turn it off etc. etc. A good 9 hour fun that was to sort everything out!

Ok so identified my main problems as nr. of tables and desperation tilt/accumulated emotion. Here are my session goals:


1) Strictly adhere to the nr. of tables rules, 5 w/o a HU table 4 if one is HU or there are several 4max ones. When table selecting, pause one table before opening the lobby (one laptop monitor)

2) Accept there is a high chance I will tilt today so try to control my emotion as much as possible without being too upset when making stupid mistakes

3) Watch other players act in pots I'm not involved in (this should become a future favorite)

Pretty tired; I am pretty satisfied with today as I didn't tilt. Play level wasn't that great though, still find it hard to play solid although I know that's the winning play. For example, this bluff that speask for itself

PokerStars Game #000139807120: Hold'em No Limit ($0.25/$0.5 USD) - 2015/08/12 20:03:57
Table 'Anonymous Heads Up Table4 45' 2-max Seat #2 is the button
Seat 1: Anonym 1 ($30.5 in chips)
Seat 2: alandala ($92.71 in chips)
alandala: posts small blind $0.25
Anonym 1: posts big blind $0.5
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to alandala [Jc Qs]
alandala: raises $0.50 to $1
Anonym 1: raises $2.00 to $3
alandala: calls $2
*** FLOP *** [Ts 4d 9d]
Anonym 1: bets $3.8
alandala: calls $3.8
*** TURN *** [Ts 4d 9d] [4s]
Anonym 1: checks
alandala: bets $85.91
Anonym 1: calls $23.7
Uncalled bet ($62.21) returned to alandala
*** RIVER *** [Ts 4d 9d 4s] [3d]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
Anonym 1: shows [Kd Ah] (a pair of, Fours)
alandala: shows [Jc Qs] (a pair of, Fours)
Anonym 1 collected $57.95 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $61.00 | Rake $3.05
Board [Ts 4d 9d 4s 3d]
Seat 1: Anonym 1 (small blind) showed [Kd Ah] and won ($57.95) with a pair of, Fours
Seat 2: alandala (big blind) showed [Jc Qs] and lost with a pair of, Fours

And I still can't simply fold to a c/rs from a nit - well at least not all the time, Ive made a lot of folds like that today though. Funny how I realized that as I was typing, the automatic tendency was to berate myself, although I did much better in that department.

***** Hand History for Game 14720321674 *****
$0.10/$0.25 USD fastforward NL Texas Hold'em - Thursday, August 13, 00:50:41 EEST 2015
Table Bolt 3 (Real Money)
Seat 1 is the button
Total number of players : 6/6
Seat 1: HerculesPoker ( $26.48 USD )
Seat 4: LuckyNastia ( $5.95 USD )
Seat 2: Oudeman ( $25.01 USD )
Seat 6: Sauron7575 ( $25.10 USD )
Seat 5: danger180 ( $52.38 USD )
Seat 3: ll-mutlu7 ( $9.09 USD )
Oudeman posts small blind [$0.10 USD].
ll-mutlu7 posts big blind [$0.25 USD].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to HerculesPoker [ Jh Js ]
LuckyNastia folds
danger180 folds
Sauron7575 folds
HerculesPoker raises [$0.50 USD]
Oudeman folds
ll-mutlu7 calls [$0.25 USD]
** Dealing Flop ** [ 5h, 3d, 6d ]
ll-mutlu7 checks
HerculesPoker bets [$1 USD]
ll-mutlu7 raises [$2.40 USD]
Your time bank will be activated in 6 secs. If you do not want it to be used, please act now.
HerculesPoker calls [$1.40 USD]
** Dealing Turn ** [ Jd ]
ll-mutlu7 bets [$2.80 USD]
HerculesPoker is all-In [$23.58 USD]
ll-mutlu7 is all-In [$3.39 USD]
** Dealing River ** [ Kh ]
ll-mutlu7 shows [ 2h, 4h ]a straight, Two to Six.
HerculesPoker shows [ Jh, Js ]three of a kind, Jacks.
HerculesPoker wins $17.39 USD from the side pot 1 with three of a kind, Jacks.
ll-mutlu7 wins $17.37 USD from the main pot with a straight, Two to Six.

Put a couple of interesting mental notes today:

when I feel I frantic and don't know what's happening at my tables I should pause one and re-evaluate, not ignore it. It's the start to most of my mental suffering!

put some advice towards playing tight/solid in the sess warm up file


Goal evaluation:

1) Yes but as my mental note says, sometimes it's not enough. If I can't pay attention just one hand I should always find out what's going on.

2) I think I accepted my mistakes better, didn't really believe I was going to tilt though

3) Meh - a few times but nowhere near enough. Lots of progress needed with this one.

Good night, see you in 5 hours poker!

well hell, I guess I forogt to convert those hands in HM; oh well, too lazy to edit it now, besides nobody was gonna read them anyway

Stressful first session. I don't think too well in the morning, but I need the happy hour so I'll keep on trying. Did a few spews like this one, just because he 4b me a few times in a row.



Also keep trying to bluff ppl that can't fold



All in all I better get going with the tilt profile today; and need to make it a clear objective to be nitty in a lot of spots, only exploit some clear spots not my fantasy "I HAZ FOLD EQUITY, SHOVE" types

I really need to work on hand attachment and recognition for it. Possibly to ask myself that in every big pot where I don't have the nuts.

Mental note: 10-15 min break with shower etc. after 8 am is great!

Goal evaluation


1) I did better in this one, forced myself to pause/close some table whenever a new one popped up and it was over the limit.

2) Also better, ended up down and it didn't faze me all that much. Congratulations to meeee

3) Kind of the same as yesterday, did it when I remembered; really need to work on it though.

More massive tilts, esp. after seeing that I'm losing to fast 25nl on party with 11bb/100 in 25k hands! Good ego smasher that one.

It's clear that fast plays very differently, much nittier, slow plays galore etc. etc. but I'll be damned if I can accept those kinds of results. Looked through a few big lost pots and hands i marked as mistakes and I can see that I shouldn't run big bluffs at all because of all the trappings (or at least run them with solid reads only!) and also should just stop calling in a ton of spots b/c ppl are just so nitty.

Session goals:

1) Become a nit playing fast. Seriously, just do it!

2) Look closely at timing tells @ the same game. Vbet when someone checks quickly as it's probably showdown value, for instance.

Writing in order not to let this die from now. Been away the last week of August but I had stopped writing before that and working on my mental (or anything) game because tilt got so bad, powered by losing non-stop.

It was very hard to accept losing 40 BIs at fast nl25 on partypoker, a game I probably shouldn't have played due to variance, different (tighter ranges) and lines and me being in a tilty state to begin with. A very expensive lesson at that moment in time.

Then I lost 10 bis on my stake, 5 of them playing HU which I shouldn't have (and I wasn't too clear on that, but I should have been) sooo now my stakers are upset and may end up losing the stake. All in all a nice disaster in August, coming on top of an already disastreous financial situation for me.

Today I worked more seriously on my mental game, mostly by reading but I managed to write the "NON NEGOTIABLE STRATEGY" for desperation tilt, including setting up a stop loss, tilt profile and other steps, 10 in total. I'm gonna read it along with my tilt profile before every session.

What I'm really lazy at lately is writing stuff, keeping track of improvements, variance etc. which are essential, but I need to do it for like dozens of things, all the different types of tilt and technical skills so a bit terrified of that.

New schedule for this month is: 4 1/2 hours of play, 1 1/2 hours for mental game, 2 1/2 hours for strategy. Been shaky keeping it and wasting a lot of time online which has to stop.

Hopefully I get back on the horse of writing here and start tracking stuff.

Doing a post session analysys for last session. First of all, realized just how much time I am losing procastinating, whether online on sites like reddit, facebook etc. or reading in bed for hours and hours. It's really taking a toll on my professional and personal life both. I think the issue may go deeper than avoiding leaving my confort zone as well. I must make this a top priority

Interesting session last night. Variance hit me hard, some ridiculous stuff but I made a little progress with tilt. Reading the non negotiable strategy before playing, I took breaks every 30-40 minutes, when I felt tilt was becoming bad, instead of playing for hours and hours straight. It really helped as for the first time in a long while I managed to recupperate losses, going from 3-4 bis down to almost a bi up. Felt very content after that.

I was more determined to push through, but not with the kind of chasing losses desperation, I was ready to accept losing again I think - well, at least more ready.

Made 4 calling mistakes though which cost me about 2 bis, cant win if I keep doing that.

But made some good fat value plays and also some overbluffs vs capped ranges that I don't usually make.

Decided I need to play more, so change of schedule; should be about 32 hrs/week of playing which means 5 1/2 per day and like 7 1/2 during the weekend, so I can have 2 days off. So then less study time, 1 1/2 hours per day and same for the mental game. If only I didn't procastinate it would work out.

I think a really beneficial thing will be when I start tracking results, for the worst problems at first.

Going to play a bit now. Feeling pretty anxious. Hope I make use of my new attachment profile, every decent pot I want to ask myself if I'm attached to this hand and if villain's range is tight, so I stop my calling problem. Will also set an alarm every 10 minutes to remind me of that, let's see how it works!

Quick post because I'm pressed for time. Interesting session, played apparently v few hands today but better than nothing. Managed to end up 2bis after being down one and feeling bad/tilting. The key is indeed to take breaks, after a breakfast break I felt much better and although I was still anxious I managed to win in the second session.

I should watch for the feeling of defeat and intense anger when I don't believe I can win anything anymore, that's a good time to quit or at least take a break. I found a confidence inducing message I wrote down on paper is helping with that.

One bad call mistake, somewhat forgivable because of my cards and the fact I didn't have a hud yet (first hand of that table)



But that player was on another table of mine and just looking at his stats I should have known to fold.

Mental observation:

"need to increase recognition for my attachment problem/control issue
my mind goes in SPEED mode and I refuse to think - prob why it's hard"

The alarm I set was working a bit but not that much, will keep on using it see if it helps. Every 10 minutes reminding me to think if I'm attached or not.

Now I'm pretty pumped to work on my issues, stop procastinating etc. But I realize there will be times when I'm feeling down and the bad patterns will become very strong. That's where the challenge is, if I will manage to turn my thoughts and force myself to keep with the program then I will have made a huge leap, if not I'll keep running in circles.

I may need to write something to keep in my wallet, a reminder to change my thoughts into positive ones, like I did when I quit smoking. Such as: "I'm very glad I feel this anxiety/depression/fury now, it's the mental sickness coming out of me; I won't let it overtake me and I will make great strides to improvement"

Another winning session. The last few days have been good for me, won ~10 bis at the site where I'm staked. A couple of those I lost back with tourneys, one I'm pretty sure is too big and huge variance for me to play, so I stopped playing it as of today.

Just what I needed to gain some confidence, or should I say the mental game work gave me the confidence to be able to win a bit?

Anyways, today tilt was mild so like the book says I need to focus on improvements and what I did better in order not to tilt where I previously would have.

One thing I did better was to take advantage of capped ranges (one of my session goals) by overbetting, c/raising etc. - I feel this is one of the things that brings the most edge. Pretty cool example:



One of the reasons for my preflop call was my thinking that I could sometimes bluff post flop because of tells. Here his range was obviously capped (other guy was a whale) and I also have a sizing tell on him.

Turns out I don't know how to do a proper post-session analysys. Will have to work on that so I don't waste time. Anyways have this file where I'm giving marks every day to my worst leaks - attachment to hands, procastination, observing sizings - last 2 days gave pretty good marks (maybe too good). But today I didn't mark any calling mistake (though perhaps I should have) so probably improving. Procastination is scoring a high 9 both days, hope to keep it up!

Ok time to ramble about yesterday. I'm doing 2 sessions per day usally; first one I lost $200 on party (playing with my own money) just playing one $50 casual table at a time. Pretty hard hitting but not gut shattering as it recently would have been; guess I'm learning to handle it better.

It helps that I'm not sure whether I messed up or it was just variance, but I reallly need to analyze those hands today to get an answer. I read in the mental game that fear is caused by a cummulation of anxieties that get to a high level which are caused by unknowns. The less unknown there are, the less fear there is. Which means I'm only hurting myself letting those unknowns torture me, I will analyze the **** out of those hands and next time in that spot or similar big pots I won't be afraid.

Now for the optimisstic side of things: the second part of last night's session I got back half of my losses, this morning the other half. It helps so much to be confident and power through instead of losing it / just tilting constantly.

While I did make a couple of calling mistakes and the score for my attachment was put at 5 I feel I'm doing it with less hands. Procastination and observing sizings got a very high 9/10 score - really followed through on my session goals of exploiting capped ranges both by bluffing and value betting, for which sizings are a big part. Here are some cool hands:



I expected AK and AQ to call me as well.



Here sizings gave it away, but fish can still call these huge raises; however I find that they'll rarely call when they don't have TP and the board is really nasty - so I just stopped trying to bluff them off TPWK even with draws completing.



This has nothing to do with sizings or capped ranges, I'm just happy I folded a spot where I almost always called in the past



Another good fold vs a fish that made it so tempting to call

Last but not least, a nice bluff vs a semi-fish that insta-checked twice which should mean showdown value as a pfr I figured even a weak K might fold to an overbet

Another winning day yesterday; starting to get some confidence back - it feels nice not to lose x buy ins every.single.time

Tilt was average I guess; need to add and modify some things on my tilt profile. First of all I took procastination off the skills I'm monitoring and replaced it with overvalueing hands, as I am making this technical erorr constantly, by mostly triple barreling too thinly. A good example is this



The way villain ( a big fish) played his hand defined it as a draw/pair + draw that's now weak sdv pretty much. Unlikely for him to play any 2pair, set or TPGK this way. Which means I should simply check back and save myself some money.

I should not pat myself on the back as I made a few biggish calling mistakes, they just didn't cost as much that's why I won. I need to make less of them, although it might be slightly improving - at least I think longer before making them. Gave myself a 5 on that mark.

What could be making a difference is that alarm going on every 10 minutes to make me ask myself if I'm attached to hands - didn't put it on last night and might have made more without it.

Session goals today :

1) Count combos of things I beat vs that beat me before triple barreling / making a big bet

2) Work on the mental game right after the session to write details (can't be arsed now, seems I'm procastinating too much)

Alright eff it I'm just gonna post. I.Need.To.Get.Back.To.Writing. Feeling a big lack of motivation as I can't beat the georgian site full of fish at ~25nl stakes which is grinding me up. I'm doing ok at party casual games at higher stakes even, 50nl and such.

Made a mental profile of my old pattern of blowing away winnings, sabotaging myself anytime I do decently in poker - had this for many years, ever since starting to play for a living if I think about it. Happened again recently, with fast 25nl on the phone and 100nl when I wasn't feeling good and was a bit fed up too, lost about 650 there from a $1400 roll. I feel like Sisif a lot when I do that :P

Anyway, for now want to focus on setting solid pre and post session routines to cling to no matter what. To mark all the badly played hands and focus on mistakes according to play level - B game, C-game or absolute worst. I do have a file on that and starting rewriting on it again.

Immediate goal: improve recognition for my attachment (calling too much) problem. So today's goal is:

Every time I have a calling decision, watch myself to see if I'm feeling irritated, with pressure around the head, and/or finding justifications to call instead of objectively thinking of ranges, flow and such.

Delayed post session analysys. I think I was playing better yesterday, folding a lot more and even trying some new stuff I picked up from some vids, like being very aware of my perceived range and putting good hands in my xing range - JJ on T9x in a 3bet pot for instance to alter it. Got a passive reg to bluff big on that one.

Despite all that I lost, the poker gods were really against me; but not completely, ironically I had the change to get all my losses back in one deep hand that I messed up; oh well.

Today I already started leveling myself with calling mistakes versus the most passive fish ever. "But I only bet 1/3 of the pot so of course he's raise bluffing me, even though he has a 5% flop raise and only 5 seconds ago I decided it was a mistake to call his turn jam over my bet even getting 5:1 as he's that passive" -> defeated logic right there.





I'm going to go with the same session goal of trying to raise my awareness in calling spots. Also setting an alarm.

Played better today. B-game, not that much attention BUT for the first time in a long while I didn't make (or at least mark) any calling mistakes the last session. There were 2 big ones in the first sess though but it's progress.

On the georgian site I actually won 2 or 3 bis, don't know how was feeling like I was losing. But it's definitely better to not constantly check balance, I managed to only check it at the end today, again for the first time in many many days. I guess something is working. Probably meditation is a big factor, I feel calmer since I restarted doing it. Off to meditate now before bed, at 3 am lol

Oh yeah, also somehow managed to turn a $2 free spinsday promotion on party into $525 (was at $600 at one point!). Some much needed luck

It's late and I'm really tired but going to ramble for a bit to get the session outta my head. I won a bit but it was one of those frustrating ones where I could have won so much more - the tourney where I placed 4th and I was chip leader at one point but made a major mistake with AK (nitty guy opened to almost 4x and I got it in late in the tourney), the 400 bb cooler - or was it a bad call on the turn for 100bbs? that could have made the balance that much better.

I guess I have to work on this frustration. It turns into regret the next days which turns into lack of focus, spew or tilt.

I did feel like I made better folds, both in the tourney and in cash. May the day after tomorrow be better. Good night, wake up in 4 hours to pack and ****.

Back after a few days of playing less due to going out, traveling, having a cold etc.

Did play a bunch on Sunday with impressive results - 9 bis in a single session on the georgian site, haven't had that in a looong time. Good variance and all BUT I made some impressive folds which I would never before, such as this one



Gratifying to see their hands of course. I think the reminder every 20 minutes about folding is starting to help, especially the phrasing. Other improvements were value betting less otr, overbetting better in the right spot(s).

Yesterday and today I feel very procastinaty, but working on it. I'm taking care of myself not letting me fall down to bad because if I'll just waste time online I'll start feeling very angry/depressed and don't want to go back to that place.

Anyhow today with the cold and my general lack of sleep I feel very sleepy but am gonna get a coffee and push myself to the grind. Perhaps a power nap later, I need to get a 2 hour session in first though. Need to be aware that it's possible I'll play my C-game.

Same session goal then will do it every other day. In addition to that I'll try the 20/20/20 rule for the first time - just learned what it is, 20 minutes at the pc then looking 20 feet away for 20 seconds. Will be a challenge with 5 tables but oh well a time out here and there is better than eye strain!

Ok finally doing a post session! It was pretty cool, I think I played on my C-game but way better than usual C-game (had a cold, tired, etc etc). Motivated myself and focused and although I fooled around, not paying attn in general and having "fun" with some sit and gos or accidentally registering the wrong tourney it was again, much better than usual.

I need a second monitor soon, maybe even get it tomorrow - and then I'll try to play 6 tables, see if I can manage ok or not.

No major **** ups; tomorrow will be the first day in a while when I won't have managing my attachment to hands as a goal, curious if it will make a difference. Good things today: wrote down my mistakes according to play level (C-game) and also marked the improvements, as tilt wasn't too bad (keep improving folding and noticing stack sizes/board texture more - though I fed that up as well in other hands)

Oh and very importantly, did a mental hand history on not being able to shut down and just go to sleep. Already 50 minutes late to the schedule now but hope it will be a good start and I won't stay on till 5 AM browsing reddit and other non-productive activities that kill my mood and schedule the next days.

Aiming to get up at 9 AM, meditate, grind for 3 hours - trying to move up to 100 GEL (about $50nl) and games are good in the morning on that site. I probably should just play and study a lot now that I have a cold and am alone, have some free time when it's gone + gf gets back.

Damn, a few days not working on my mental game and the same mistakes start reappearing with a vengence. It sucks because I don't know if I'm making progress this way. I know resolution is a long term process but I'd like to see some improvements. Oh well pretty tilted now with teh way I'm playing.

Mental game is tough. Sometimes your hardest opponent is yourself.

What is the phrasing of your reminder to fold?

It's

With an alarm every 20 minutes. WOrked ok so far, maybe with the exception of yesterday.


Been on C-game yesterday. Couldn't pay attention, lots of bad aggression, some call mistakes. Also some tilt though not that severe. Playing too many tables for my situation again.

Part of the reason is after getting some confidence I stopped doing the post session analysys (which let's be honest, I wasn't doing too much anyway)

Also didn't do the warm up properly, with 2-3 tables for half an hour during the second session. I want to do that religiously, while studying my opponents to find leaks.

Edit: Forgot to set my session goal today lol

I want to work on my misdirected aggression. Need to clearly identify the circumstances where I'm too aggressive. I think some, if not all are:

1) bluffing what looks like block bets from fish without clear reads that they

a) aren't using those small sizes for value
b) can fold to pressure

2) overvalue hands vs passive or unknown fish when they raise me (for instance stacked off top set KK yesterday vs v passive fish that raised me otf when I could have lost much less; or raised a triple donk bet by an unknown fish with TP2K)

I seem to have stopped triple barreling too much. So anyway I'll try to put a wording and reminder for those

Soooo been sitting here for a long time trying to write something here or do a post-session analysys but it seems I'm getting huge resistance to that. Especially post session analysys, that is something my mind really struggles against.

Been doing better the last period, results wise and mental wise, tilting less and obsessing less about money (still a lot though)

Developed a routine for doing a post session analysis but it's still in some notebook of course lol

Anyway trying some for yesterday: one overvalued hand, one really bad call fk up in a tourney. That one cost me dearly.

Didn't tilt much at all - not lately either so going to focus on the good hands, things I did differently. There were 3 hands where I got maximm value or close - such as overbetting an A pairing turn vs fish with a flush, jamming twice pot on [R] with nut boat vs fish I knew was strong etc.

Today trying to move up to 200gel (<$100nl), playing pretty meh so far.

Struggling every day to work on mental game, failing mostly. I'm gonna move this to http://*******/20PExsT there, for some affiliating purposes and to have a new start.

Just wanted to let my million fans know