Hey

I am 22 years old. The moment I am writing this, I don't have any big reasons to be worried at, but I am not actually so happy to my life.
I have been thinking about making a blog for a while already and thinking it might actually be very helpful to me.
At the moment I am not working, not in school. Basically just playing poker, but I haven't been doing very well and the biggest reason why I haven't been doing well is that I have been taking too many shots in cash or mtts. Also been cash outting a lot and have bought something stupid.

I guess might tell more about my background in the next post, I just want to write this kind of fast now so I can go sleep and wake up early .

Goals in poker and life


My long-term goals in poker are not huge. I would like to keep playing 10-50€ mtts just as my side job some day. Currently I am playing 5-10€ mtts and beating them really well. As I mentioned before I just haven't been able to stick to these long enough to build up good bankroll (also been playing big cash games and losing a ton, I beat nl25, but cant even handle regs in nl50, and also I tilt much more in cash games for some reason and spew even more money. But short-term poker goals is to crush these stakes and build up decent bankroll at the same time as I withdraw 300€ every month.
My life goals are to get in to business school next year, I will be reading from January to June for the entrance examination.
Also my big goal is to do a lot of gym, I have already been doing it a lot but lately been living pretty unhealthy), so I will try to do gym about 5 times a week.

Okey I guess that is a lot for one post so next I will tell my poker plan.

Poker plan

- 1000€ deposit
- 300€ withdraw every month for life expenses
- For the beginning only small field tournaments to reduce variance
- 2-10€ tournaments
- No bigger cash games than nl10
- 6-8 tabling, mostly 6 tabling (before I played 12-18 and win rate was much worse lol.)
- If I get bankroll to 3000€, I will try 20€ mtts

Life plan

- 5 times a week gym
- sleep 23-24 pm, wake up 6-8 am
- Reading couple hours for 5 days in a week January-June for the test
- Also study poker and investing.
- Spend less time to video games, etc useless.

Okey that's it! Longest post I have ever written. Feel free to ask me anything.

Let's see where to road goes

Enroll in college and get a real job. More money and more social.

I dont know how forgot to tell how long I have been playing poker but I have played mtts already when I was 16, but obviously had many breaks. But anyways I have been playing quite a lot. Never full year without poker etc.


Day 1 poker results

Session time 5 hour 10 minutes
Result +345.72€



Stopped registering tournies after 3 hour of play so I 2 tabled last 2 hour because I slept only about 5 hour and I wanna go to gym when I still got energy and got to make food etc. and tomorrow wanna start waking up 6-8 am as planned.

About my blogging I want to say that I will post also some interesting hands in future, and probably not going to post everyday. I don't really mind to see my results everyday when losing or actually even I am winning.

But yeah good session today.

Hey!

Yeah, so my main plan is to go university next year. But I got a ton of time before it and instead of going some work I wanna give last chance to poker with really good focus, bankroll management, etc.

But thanks for tip!

The reason for being unhappy atm is mostly because I have been spewing money a ton and spending my free time so stupidly. Like I know what I should do but I do something else which doesn't improve me or my life.

Good luck. Be careful not to tie your happiness to your results. If you're planning on playing MTTs you're going to go through a lot of rough patches and I hope you can disassociate your mood from your results.

If I am honest, if your goal is to be happy, I could think of a million better things to do with a free year before university than sit inside grinding microstakes tournaments. I don't mean that disrespectfully, but this could be one of the last periods of time in your life with real freedom before university and a full time job.

All college does is create massive debt. I think poker is a better route and maybe spend the money on coaching, pio and things like that. And these people that supposedly get real jobs work their whole life to pay off college debt, wife, kids etc until they turn into a prune in a wheel chair at a nursing home. Thats the government system. Don't get in that rat race. Gl with your journey.

Thank you!

I really try to keep my playing really professional now and don't let the results effect me.

The things which make me unhappy have been that I have been using my life savings so much, taking breaks from gym all the time, eating unhealthy, sometimes too much alcohol and haven't had any sleeping routine. So basically just making a change to everything of these will obviously make me happier.


But I am actually kind of early to do this ''comeback'' if anyone understands what I mean. Its been only couple months of this now but it also kind of gives me motivation to try hard and chase the good life when I feel like I have got a little taste what life can be if u do everything wrong. Like I still got enough money to live in very decent apartment, parents helping me a lot even I haven't ever asked anything and told them they don't need to help me if they don't want etc. So there is also things I am very grateful. I just feel like I have failed to do the correct things in my life even though I have had very good opportunities to do but just been lazy.

And yeah as I said in earlier post that I have known all the time what I should do but I have not done that or these things makes me feel so stupid. I wanna make a change for this instead of watching some videos or playing games.

I think there is quite many young people in kind of same situation and I know my problems are small as **** but I don't feel good and its time to act instead of wondering things.


And I feel poker is perfect for me at the moment, I mean there is time to play poker like 4 hour a day normally even you are in university so getting even better player would be nice. And I truly like the freedom of it, I just haven't had enough tight schedule and bankroll management.
I think if I were the one reading this I would just recommend to go normal work but I trust my skills in poker. I know what things I should do and now I WILL do them.

I don't have too high hopes for poker at the moment, reading for the university entrance test will take most of my time that I could spend to studying poker. I guess I might be literally that guy who you just described, haha Hope not, but thanks a lot!

Day 2 poker results


Session time 3 hour
Results -150.39€

Still got 1 table but probably not cashing even this.
Got worse run in a long time, lost like 70% of 70-30 allins (obviously also 50-50 hands, when u run like this )

~20 tournies, 0 cashes. Lost 2 big flips which could have made this big losing day to breakeven/small profit but that is mtt. No can do.
Decided to quit for today and hit the tables tomorrow.

Day 3 and 4 total result

Result +85.34
Total result of all 4 days = +302.64

Thoughts about my game

I think my game is quite fine but there is some small things I should pay more attention. Also I decided to use 200 buy-in rule now. I haven't tilted at all because I can handle beats so well in 5€ games and it feels good.

Going to take 2 days off from poker, probably tomorrow I got time for small session but I might use that time to study poker.


Life

It has been very good week! I am actually doing something!! Feeling great about it. Played poker with good focus and I have been doing some sport everyday somehow, mostly just going gym.

Have a great Sunday everyone.

its always better to play rested, well fed and in the right mindset : ) gl

Thanks! Actually I just have to read for a test which is too complicated to explain in English so I don't bother to even try explaining =D. But yea that is very true what you said.

I forgot to add something to my days 3-4 result, real result is 107.31.
Not counting as € or $ because It makes only small difference and pretty much waste of time to convert every time. Better to think its all just play money I try to get more.

Well I played evening session today, accidentally registered some super slow tournament and it ran pretty far so.. here I'm playing 3 am

Day 5 result

+40.35

I actually thought I were up at least 100€ but its better than losing.
Today I'll take day off.

Been playing couple days now, literally been running sooooooo bad. I have lost literally ~8 flips in the beginning of final table which cost me total like 400-600 euros (Worst ''flip'' was KK vs AQs of 75% all the tournament chips at 5left, cashed 60€ and top 2 won +200€). But good news is that I just made some two fine cashes and made my result literally break even of last 3 days. I will play 2 weeks in a row now (because of Unibet leaderboard) and then I will have almost two weeks break because I wont be home. Probably playing with laptop but only a little I think. Gotta keep grinding! Life has also been quite good. =)

This **** storm dont seem to have end. Literally losing 85% of flips

Playing really good poker, winning a ton of ev, losing a ton of money... I guess im like down for -100€ from the beginning. Not too bad so far. Still got the motivation and focus to play really well. Also this losing has motivated me to study more even tho I know I haven't been losing because of bad plays, just the crazy negative variance. I just cant wait for the moment when I win next tourny for over 300€... haha.

This game is making me go crazy. I mean I have just hit literally the WORST downswing EVER. I have never even could have imagined this is possible. Im getting tilted as ****. I just registered 55$ game for some ****ing reason. Holy ****ing hell...

Im losing every 65-35% allin, I swear. Im not lying. I lose every flip. I lose everything!!! DDD

Atleast got one bounty from 55$ game lol.

Good things started to happen after this cry post.
Won 5e rebuy tournament for almost 400€.

Crazy.

Got to take more breaks when I run so bad. It just feels so stupid to take breaks when u know you are beating the game, getting the chips in all the time as favorite.

Got to calm down and play probably only the leaderboard games. I actually think I can handle quite well the downswings but its literally been so hard week . But bankroll is back to 1361€.

What a great day to make some wins finally.

Helloo!!

Almost 3 week grind is pretty much over. I got still one game going ( if I cash something big I'll update it here today).

Poker results 28.11 - 19.12

+708.94 €

Only one +300€ score and A TON of bad beats which cost me 100-200€ but still managed to do a little profit. I think I learned sooooo much... I really used a lot time for thinking what I am doing wrong.

I will be playing only few games in next two weeks but I will study at least.

How is life going?

Its going so much better and Christmas and New Year's Eve is going to be so much fun.


Edit: Last game was massive ticket freeroll 1.5k to first and 26 left I dropped out AK vs AJ. Got a nice tilt but god thanks I got no more games. (srsly I cant win any big flips idk why).

Hey!

Its been nice holiday =D. Going to start grind today. Also will start reading for the test to get in to school and going to focus a lot going gym.

Goals for year 2019

- Get in school ( Atm I got about 6 month time to read)
- Make +1k average profit per month at least
- Make +2k average profit is the dream
- At least 30 hour of poker in a week
- Get in good shape
- Enjoy life

I wish u guys will have great year.

So true this its a awful life!

Playing poker after quite long break feels pretty good. I had already one deep run in 10k gtd freeroll and lost a huge flip in FT bubble, would have guaranteed at least +400€ profit but bad things happen, lol.
At the moment I am trying to fix my sleeping routine some way. I really wouldn't like to stay awake whole day+night but I guess its the only way because my sleeping time is so ****ed up right now.

Anyways been playing now 2 days, very small amount of tournies, like 15-20 tournies because after break I want to like warm up my game.

January results

+115.7


Btw I guess nobody is atm interested in my writings but it really helps me to write my thoughts somewhere. (Just saying because someone might think like ''why this guy posts this **** when nobody care''). And many of you of course know that its why im writing =D.

Cheers =)

Tilt, I tried to play some nl100 and lost some money. Also mtts havent been running so well but I think my game is good. Just gotta put more hours into poker and of course not play nl100 or cash games at all lol.

January results -300€

Really bad. But lets do it. That is just one tournament and we are back.

Im so bad at bankroll management. hate myself atm