With $1,7k I put $800 at red, lost, another shot, lost it all again. Then I bought 2k without money to pay, double up to 4k, sold $2k and back to $2k roll. Paid $1k debt that I had to pay on 24nov, back to $1k roll.
I asked $ to another friend, we made a deal, he sent me $4k. This $ has big fee to pay , but honeslty I see that as a gift. I know that he can trust me, but he can't know this... Nice that he did trust me.
$5k roll. Plan was play pl100, but I thought increase my roll to $6k , why not . Finally won a sport bet, up to 6k .
Took 2 days without poker, plan was be back at Friday. I was lurking lobby and misclicked and sat at zoom500, I tried see big pots, but insta sit in. I got AA99 in the 1st orbit, I 3bet and pot call to lose vs pair + fd. sad. very sad. How I misclick and this happens... this woke the beast.
$500 gamble. I hit 65% favorite peak, to split in the end. feeding the beast.
$500 gamble, I lose missing flush draw.
$1k gamble, I hit 90% favorite peak, just to lose ... damn ****ing god, now the beast is hungry like theres no tomorrow !!!!!!
I was going to put everything, all money to gambling site, it took a while... tramite problems, it was slow... I still had stars openned and the games were running. Then a weird thought comes into my mind, and honeslty, Im impressed. thats a miracle. For the very 1st time in my life the beast went sleep while being hungry. Thats a truly miracle ! and a huge win for me.
''look at this tables... 10/20... damn, I wish I could be playing this tables, easily, you would be one of the best at this table, look at this idiot from canada, he is playing 5/10 up to 50/100 and you are better than him... why you not playing threre ... you know why. ''
this thoughts comes to my mind once in a while, but I always finish saying ''doens't matter, Im all in''. Its a mix of gambling mindset + destroying mindset. But no, now Im improving, Im willing to build, Im going up.
''look, you are tilted, and I know, the very best thing to do now is putting everything at red and pray. If you lose, at least you will have THAT felling... if yuo win, its even better ''
ok, we are all in.
''hey, but you know what, remember how you feel if you lose... and , what if you don't go all in at red and play poker for a while. imagine where you will be... not only today, other days too, imagine you taking all money from this idiots, just like you did in the past''.
''if you REALLY stop now and don't gamble, you know what, it has more value than if you double up at roulete. $4k or $8k with gambling mindset, whatever... in your hands, $4 with poker mindset, soon you have $40, and then $400.''
''ok, Im finally quitting''
and like a miracle, I put the beast to sleep . Im sure the beast is coming again , but the 1st time its the biggest and hardest step. When this happens, I might fail, but I hope she sleep again before dominate my mind.
It feels pretty good.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVOhjboOt1I
But hey, the money arrived at casino online and Im curious, so lets put minimum bet at the roulete, just to see what would be the result, if you would double up or not. I do it, and guess what, I win. So sad. This is so mean and sad . **** it. I always lose big ones and win small...
Im the unluckiest guy in this world, yes I am, but Im also the best player. If I run the worst possible and play my best possible, I will be top winner, Im sure.
During few minutes I was like ''but damn it, I only have $4k now... so bad''.
''learn this: you could have $6k now, yes you could. but if you stop now, you can have $100k in months. lets be honest, you are already ****ed, $4k to $8k, lol, you could have milliona, just say **** off to eveyrthing else and play your best poker''.
the beast was hungry, I thought she was unstopable. But not, Im training and getting better at this . I still can't believe it. lol. Im felling stronger .
Now Im sure the great shark is back. At least until the beast wake up again.
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The new plan is wait until Sunday, maybe Saturday and play. IF not felling good, wait until tuesday. Can't wait to play, but waiting is good for mindset too.