omg

$3k game end of 1st half. Its 2x2 but they got 1 red card, 11x10...

My team was winning 2x1 until last second of 1st half... now site gives 1.50 to my team win and the bet is canceled and 2.00 to me win my bet.

Not bad, but ****, it was the best team playing home game leading 2x1 and away team 1 red card... it was 1.050 to my bet being canceled... was huge favorite . Can't cry tho, my team started losing 0x1 , finish with draw and 1 more player in the field its good... but **** last seocnd of game, stupid refere give 6min more extra time in the 1st half.

praying atm .

edit...

lost $3k. damn.

hard to handle this loss... leading twice with other team w 1 red card. really sick !

--------------- Rising up to the top ---------------

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUsFWO08CO0


potential to go broke (again).

Got tilted for losing $3k bet... After few stupid bets, and a SOLID football bet, at this moment Im winning $500 today. hahaha

Not that ''play your best'' bull****. All I want is get lucky and win money !

Now I have $2,5k @1.85 to away team win or draw. I like this bet.

If lose I have $6k roll, if win $10,5k.

----------- Highway --------------

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l482T0yNkeo

Lost the ****ing $2,5k bet.... Game started with my team winning 1x0, at 55min it was 1.14 to my bet win.... my 2 biggest bet this month, both I had good potential and crash.

TILT ! Put $1k in a random MLS Soccer game @2.25 . Game is running while I write this. It was more to relax and have something to watch while I calm down and make a plan about the big bets for tomorrow .

But tilt is tilt. I should be total broke right now... casino session was sick, had to put everything in my last shot $3k. double up, then win one more and finished + $3k at casino. Roll is $7,9k with $1k bet pending. If I win this I go to $10,150 roll, solid. My goal for the day was hit $10k roll... and $12k for the weekend.

After today I should never ever complain about bad lucky... for real, Im supoosed to be busto now. Just wait... getting my KK vs AA in co vs btn and I will think Im the unluckiest ever.

----------- Sweet -------------

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33jsQcS_hmI

Won $2k today gambling Sports in 3games and $1,3k at poker in 5hours.

+ $1,1k football
+ $1050 football
- $100 basketball

Didn't bet anything at tonight NBA game . I said Id bet at -11.5 GSW, but I chicken out in last moment because King James.

-------

Poker Session Review

- skill game. 7/10, solid.

- mental game. 6/10. Early session was annoying w tons of pathetic stuff hapennning, but I reacted well and later deck compensate and make me run decent.

By the way, betting at Sports and Casino losen up and openned my mind . Now Im playing $100 , $200 tables, losing and Im fine, feels like small bet... it changes, tomorrow I might be a nit, or not. Easier to handle swings at poker tables after losing/winning bets. Also its a big plus the fact I think I should be broke now given what I did yesterday, so Im like playing with the bonus...

- total results: 5:30hour, 5k hands , won $1,4k, AIEV + $1,6K.

---------

Plan was hit $12k roll after weekend, I did better than that and have $13,5k !!!! I want pay $10,5k debt on day 10 June, after this the fee gets bigger, my next goal is pay this debt !! For this I need at least $17k poker roll... need win $3,5k this week ! If I don't hit $17k, I wait and pay bigger fees..

Everything looks good at this moment !

----------- From the Ashes... -----------

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1NZcH2haIM

wow, some sick days !!!!!! Alive and winning $$$ !!!!!!!

Monday I did 2 bets, lost $300. Got tilted watching my football bet fail like a duck... bet $1k @1.70 to Ice Hockey team Capitals win the game , I don't like NHL, but that was the only important thing live at moment ... easy win hockey.

Tuesday was sick . Imaginary AIEV : busto, lose everything ! Did some crazy/big bets... almost failed everything, but ended day winning ''only'' $1k .was kinda small given the bets I made, but after being almost dead, I felt like world champion winner ! I don't know why, but it was one of those days where I want see money flying !!! I lost maaaany bets.. then won one $5,5k that gave a new life to my bankroll. +$1,3k total day.

Wednesday, today: won $1,1k... started easy money with $1k @ 1.80 Belgium -1,5 vs Egypto, 3x0. Lost a RIDICULOUS $1k football bet that was supposed to be an easy win.... Then won $1k @ 1.75 football game and $900 bet to GSW win game @ 1.70 vs Cavalirs.

LAst 3 days Im winning + $2,1k in Sports, but could easily be busted miserable now... but not this time !! Total roll is $15083 is AMAZING !!! Should have 0 ! hahaha. lucky ! ) Just made a $1k bet for Saturday, now $14083 at cashier.

Major goals until Monday:

1- have $17k roll. and pay $10,5k debt. Its my last debt !
2- play poker, 18k hands until monday. yes, I still play poker and I love it ! 18k hands tons of variance, but I expect to make around $2k-$3k at poker in until Monday.

If everything goes as I plan, I take few days off on Monday and back to betting during world cup ! My dream would be have $30k when world cup start AFTER paying debts, but its just impossible... for real, I can't say anything after what happenned during Tuesday... Not broke, alive, awesome !

Bet $1k Portugal x Argelia @1,90 to Portugal 1,5 goals handcap. Pretty good bet... thought about betting 2 or $3k, but after I placed my $1k bet, I read that Mahez, Slimani and 3rd player who plays at Porto would be playting for Argelia, so I just bet $1k...

1min before game start bet is 1,70... so ya pretty good bet. After 1st half its already 2x0 Portugal, only lose if a disaster happens...

and I will be semi pissed if win because I should have bet $3k, and if lose I will be very pissed because I lost a bet that its almost a locked win . lol...

---------------- Busto days are Over -------------

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIWY...nqDR0m-yjof1rS

Finally Im paying (again) all my debts !!!!

Portugal wins 3x0, kinda pissed because I bet only $1k, but I was so close to paying all debts... didn't want risky that.

After paying $10,5k, I have $4,6k roll + $1k bet placed @1.83 in a Saturday football game. I could wait until day 10 that was the dead line payment $10,5k, but I hate having debts, wanted end this chapter as soon as possible... I could keep $15k roll and make some bets during world cup, but the major goal was pay all debts !!!!! My new major goal is NEVER having to ask for loans again... it sucks. Nobody who send me money/loans read this blog, its 100% annonymous, I mean, it really sucks.

If my $1k bet fails and I run bad at my 1st poker session during weekend, I will man up and play 0.10/0.25 or 0.25/0.50. I do NOT want go broke and being in debt again !!

My overall plan is focus maximum at poker and slowly build a big bankroll . On side, sure keep betting, but not 30, 50% of my bankroll in one game. I might do it during world cup, but just because its world cup !

------------

recap of this last chapter of my gambling journey:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5BJXwNeKsQ

- Was doing great, then lost $37k in 1 week.

- 1 week break/relax

- Re-started with $22k debt, almost busto liferoll and $10k roll (loan from friend) I paid all debts in 3 weeks, which was a lot faster than I planned ! In this 3 weeks I won around $23k... not sure exatcly because cashouts, spent money daily etc, sporbets, casino.

Right now I have enough in the bank for 8 weeks and $5,6k roll, and all debts paid ! ($4,6k roll and $1k bet placed to Saturday). off course still poor, but with huge future in my front !

- initial plan was only play poker until pay debts... but its me , so there was many many gambling days ! Not tracking gambling Sports Casino results, from what I remember, the highest I won in a game was $5,6k, the biggest I lost in a game was $3k. There were 2 or 3 days that I gamble too big and could be total busto with more and more debts... I was lucky , very lukcy in key moments in the last 3 weeks.

- At poker since day 14 may to June I played 88hours, 74,6k hands at 0.5/1 1/2 with 6bb and 11evbb. I got positive AIEV in ALL sessions in this period ! 14 sessions, not a single negative AIEV. This is ''coincidence'' and a bit easier to happens when you play long sessions, but its also because I was trying hard to play the best possible, sometimes I couldn't, but for most of time I played very solid.

I rate my skill level during last 3 weeks at 6.5/10 and mental at 6/10. That said, now Im motivated, I believe I can play at 8/10 skill level and 10/10 mental game.

I like to write when Im losing big, when Im desperate, suffering, then I like writing... if im felling good, I don't want write much. if Im never back again, it means Im doing good.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rUrYN4cnGs

You think Im a loser, but Im the original assassin.

GG!

Well done my fellow degen

I am just finished reading your thread

2 degens i love you all<3

Just my 2 cents op, when you out of massive debt take a rest. If you good at poker , just play poker stop gambling on thing that -ev to you. I hope this finds you well

Update?

Probably, he is doing pretty well; as he said:

"I like to write when Im losing big, when Im desperate, suffering, then I like writing... if im felling good, I don't want write much. if Im never back again, it means Im doing good. "

hi, Idiot is back !!!

Was thinking about write something here in the past weeks, but didn't, now playing and stupid site goes down, freeze all tables, so Im here writing while I wait .

By the way, I probably will be blogging here very often in the next weeks/months, because guess what, Im deep in the hole again.

Since World Cup I didn't play poker, but managed to lost everything in Sportbets and casino games. Again I lost my mind, again I lost more than I could afford, again I did the same mistakes... I never care much about losing, had lost huge many many times and never care, but lately its hurting... losing all bankroll when already in big debt its soul crushing !!!

My total debts are around $85k to multiple people, most of this deals I made when tilting and have high % fee. Its a pretty sick situation and I did some really sick actions that I shouldn't never ever do , but oh well I did .

After ****ing stuff over and over again, it seems its my last chance . I asked basically everyone who I know, even to people I don't know... thats ridiculous, the fearless gambler turned into an annoying clown lol. Now I can NOT go broke now, serious, this can NOT happen . With that in mind I put $1k at roulete, then $2k... jesus. I was about to broke, but solid comeback . Im felling poor now, but shouldn't even have this bankroll now,and i don't know what would be me now if I had lost this...

Big anxiety playing without know for sure how much I have $$$ ... Btw this bankroll I said its life roll, all my money. Will make an official bankroll report on Thursday when I get the final answer from one friend. I have already at least $6k starting roll, maybe I get up to $11k, lets see.

As I said, today was my 1st session in a very long time. I didn't want play, thinking ''FML I HAVE TO PLAY TO PAY DEBTS'' and this kills my desire to play poker, this is fuel to gamble, not to grind poker. Anyway, its time to play poker... finally ...

Poker Session Review

- skill game : solid 7/10. Could be better, did one mistake with 2pair on turn where I knew villain had a set, but my range was extremely underep... would be a rockstar fold, but thats a fold.

- mental game : 6/10. I didn't tilt, I played pretty good all day, but to be honest, could be better.

By the way, 5minutes into the session and I was already enjoying playing poker . I love this game !!! I just hate having debts haha.

Total results:
6:40 hour played, 4,2k hands, won $670 with +$140 AIEV

---------------
Very very important start poker journey in this new bankroll with a win. My money situation is pretty sick and I ''can't '' lose, the problem is, the deck is mean, cruel, nasty !!!

Im just praying I run good, or at least, don't run bad, and once I hit $12k bankroll I became unstopable .

Very important: I have to pay $5k until 11 November. No option left, this $5k has to be paid until 11 November, thats why I can't run bad this days.


---------

Last months have been going to gym, running once in a while...Im still weak, but improving . Problem is I took a 1month break from gym during world cup because was smoking too much ... My goal is run 10km below 1hour this year. Im very very slow running , I started last year ... Gym I also started last year, took 3-4months break, Id have decent results if wasn't this breaks...

Goal for this month is 50k hands, Hopefully win $7k, but if win $5k is ok, if win less than $5k will be hard to handle, but part of the game.

Played another session...

Before the session review I want tell about how its depressive not playing 2/4 and 3/6, but especially 2/4 because the people who plays 2/4 its almost the same who plays 2/4 and I usually crush this guys . And once in a while theres some epic good tables there.

At this moment my plan is pay the $5k to the rat until 11 november and start play 2/4 before pay part of other debts... before my plan was pay debts with high % fee and after that take shots , but one of the worst regulars are playing often 2/4...

Poker Session Review

- skill game: 8/10, SOLID.

- mental game : 6/10. Solid, but I wasn't tested, I don't know how id react if I ran bad...

results: 3:40hour, 2,4k hands, lost $130, AIEV -540. Running too bad...Very frustrated ... played great to have this results, **** , running bad when playing with underoll life money hurts a lot.

I need 2-3 good sessions to jump from $7k to $12k roll so I can breath... last 2 days won only $500.

Tomorrow is another day .

Yesterday, after I wrote here, I played a quick 1:30hour session, I almost never play 2 sessions in the same day, butI was so frustrated, but at same time hungry, so I sat to play... Played ok, results breakeven with AIEV + $750. Played 2 huge pots that I split running twice... I never run twice, I hate run twice, but given my little bankroll the gambler became a chicken ....

__________________________

Last night I had a dream/nightmare about a tragedy that happened w me 15years ago... Not rare I have this dreams/nightmare, but last night was very very /real/intense. Btw past 15 years I was smoking tons of weed and never remember my dreams... When I woke up at 11:00am with alarm I remember my dream and thought ''****, my life is over'', and just went back sleep. Its really sad and I still can't believe this happenned to me. I don't want tell exatcly what was, but just want write a little ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RS_UaPrQ3DI

Slept until afternoon and didn't plan to play poker today. Went gym, run 4km ... and after dinner, while showering, I was thinking how I really want get out this hole (debts, total poor)..

So I went play a session... at 9pm, I usually don't start sessions at this time because its too late compared to the world and not many tables running... But now Im going to maximum effort to grind poker until everything is ok.

Poker Session Review

- skill game: 8/10. Played like a shark. Very solid. To be honest, I think I play ABC normal game, but what make me think Im very good its because the other guys are just too bad.. Sure many regs are good, but not rare to see very weak regs...

- mental game: 8/10. Lost big pot at coler, $800, which is like 10% of my life roll , and didn't tilt , just keep playing .

Results: 4:30 hour, 3k hands, won $1,7k , AIEV + $500.

VERY VERY VERY important win, now I can breath , but still really '' can't '' lose the next days. At this moment still don't know how is my bankroll total because 1 guy loan will tell me on Thursday...

Since Im back at poker I won $2,2k (aiev $800), which makes a big diference in my money situation AND gives me confidence to play. I don't doubt my game , Im sure Im decent winner, but after few months out the game, winning its good for confidence too. (also won $3k gambling with this new bankroll, before I started again at poker. So total winnings now are $5,2k in this new bankroll). official life roll report on Friday.

GRinding....

Poker Session Review

- skill game : 9/10. Very good.

- mental game: 9.5/10. Lost $1k pot vs whale , and many maaaaaaany other ridiculous hands and keep playing the best I can. By the way today was special so many fishs, great games, but unfortunally I ran terrible. Very bad.

Results: 4:20hours, 2,9k hands, won $70, AIEV + $500. My Evbb today 8bb, but to be honest, the real EVBB today for me would be 16-20bb, really good games and me playing great. usually I put less than $100 (up or down) as breakeven, but Im so poor , that I classified this as a win lol.

Not being able to put big amount of hands because waking up too late and doing other things , but this weekend I will grind machine mode and expect to play ~20k hands this weekend.

_______________

Bankroll Official report ....... Got answer about my loans weeeee Good news.

Will receive $5k more , which puts me at total liferoll at $13,2k . At this moment my poker bankroll is $11,2k, but have only $8,2k online, the rest is at bank and I will insta deposit if need.

Not 100% confortable, but at least can breath... not a big problem if have 2-3 losing sessions in a row, but to be real good money wise I need $17k liferoll... total debt now I don't even want calculate, will go step by step, but its around $100k . thats ok because now I have $13k and playing poker, not in crazyness mindset. Will take a while, I guess 7-8months if I only play poker until pay everything.

Frustrated...............

Poker Session Review

- skill game: 8/10

- mental game 7/10.

AS usual Friday night tons of fishs, great games... I won $500 but Im pissed at this moment. In some hours I will be ok and happy with my session but right now Im tilting... My peak was $2k , and I keep playing until 4am because games were good, and from when I was about to quit until now I lost $1,5k.............. **** !!!

Also the fact I lost at zoom hu , I don't know I sat to play that ****hole !!!! Lost $1k there, I never play zoom, but I saw a fish there, but not worth . The zoom game make me lose focus at my main game and I lost everywhere.

At least it was a winning session...

results: 8hours (!) , 5,9k hands, won $500, AIEV + $100. At my peak it was + $2,1k with AIEV + $1,4k. losing in the end always tilts me, especially when Im going to **** my tomorrow day to grind now... damn it.

Online roll $8,7k and $5k at bank . Not bad... but today could be a big day like $2k or $3k up .

dinner at 5am, tomorrow won't be able to wake up at good time, damn.

I was looking at other regs results today, and one of the best regs lost $1,8k today at my tables , in a game full of fishs. other won $500...so, not tilted anymore.

Poker Session Review

Marathon session today... my plan wasn't play too long today because have grandfather birthday tomorrow early, but a big fish make me keep playing until 5am, again ... I still didn't see results, and if I lost today I will be very very tilted/pissed/frustrated/derepressed. Its been months since I don't play at Saturday night and the games were beautiful, amazing.

I think I won between 1k-2,5k . Less than $1k will be already tilting, but to be honest I deseve win like $4k today .


- skill game: 6/10, solid . There was 1 hand that I pot turn vs big fish, and non-expected thing happen, nit reg shoves... had to call $200 more to $800 pot. I almost folded, but I had top2pair in a heavy double flush draw board with tons of draws... he had nut fd flop and turned bottom set. I mean, doesnt matter what, a nit only shoves a set there...

Also there was 2 hands deep stacks in spots that I slowplayed to trap very very agressive villains, and I think in both situations I like my play, but the fact they had hands that would stack off if I just play simple and bet, idk, maybe I should just play ABC and bet strong with big hands.

- mental game: 9/10 this 3 hands I said above make me frustrated, but no tilt. plus I played very long session , solid mental game, playing like a machine. Lost $1,1k pot and $800 pot today, deep big pots that are like 10% of my roll and I keep playing the best I could. Ahhhhh if I was a grinder like that all time, Id be rich now
.


results: 9hours, 7,1k hands, won $2k, AIEV + $2,2k.


Since last colapse I won $7,7k , this makes huge diference in my life. hahahaha laughing so I don't cry, as I write this I remember how many times I burned $10k in a minute .

Now I finally rolled to play 1/2 and 0.5/1 . This 1st week grinding I knew I couldn't run bad, otherwise I have no idea what I would do... My money situation now is pretty good with $10,7k online roll plus $5k at bank (this $5k is the loan id deposit, but won at poker).

The $5k debt I have to pay to a ****ing rat on 11/november , Im sure I will be able to pay and this give me peace.


ps: I will try play ALL days during weekends until I pay all debts, thats like 8months grinding all weekends . a poor guy like me can't just ''no play'' with such easy games. Im trying to fix my crazyness mistakes from the past and became a grinder machine for a while its good .

Poker Session Review

Started very late today because Grandfather lunch... hate starting late , but now its machine mode maximum grind .

- skill game: 7/10.

- mental game: 9/10. Ran terrible, all coolers against me, everything bad. Finsihed session even because others did big mistakes vs me.

results: 3:20hour, 2k hands, won $100, AIEV + $500.


1st week grinding poker, 28k hands, won $4,8k AIEV +$4,3k .

Poker Session Review

- skill game: 7/10. I made 2 big calls that were wrong, also one hand I played fast 2nd nuts and had to fold on later street, lost $900 in this 3 big pots , but I think I like my plays.

- mental game 9/10. All session in the red, losing every big pot , keep playing good. lost one 500bbs pot to 1 outer , set over set, he call down, river I shove, perfect river card, he slowrolls... ****ing idiot.

At this moment frustrated, but very confident because I see big winners doing mistakes .

results: 6:10hour, 4,5k hands, lost $700, AIEV -$510.

POkerrrrrrrrrr Session Review... grind 100%


- skill game: 6/10. but its only 6/10 because in the middle, while tilting I did many small mistakes. To be honest, I know Im the best, but its good to see this things hapennning.


- mental game. 3/10. I didn't do any major mistake because of tilt, but I did played bad because of that. I was ready to lose, felt very confident with my mental game, and was all good. but a great start, then lost $2k losing all pots in a row, droped $2k ... started tilting a bit. the biggest mistake was 3betting T965ds from SB . not that bad..



And I was running really really bad vs whales.

results: 6hours, 4,2k hands, won $500, AIEV -$500. Seems I ran great, but honestly, top boats vs quads, coolers and coolers, big pots having to fold river etc . I ran terrible.

by the way, today was one of the best days ever, in terms of whales and unmber of tables, in a random Tuesday ...