___________________ '' Regs "_______________

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R80lm-GP0s4

Poker Session Review:

- skill game 8/10. Extremely solid. Sometimes too nit , but what can I do, Im poor, can't be a fearless player with my bankroll.

- mental game 9/10. The only reason Im not giving myself a 10 its because Im crying/complaing too much, but for real Im doing great. Today lost $1,1k pot w 75% equity . and maaaaaaaaaany other times I 4bet AA and they flop boats. by the way, mental game, its day by day. Need keep alert, especially because Im crazy

results: 6:30hour, 4,6k hands, won $100, AIEV + $300.

___________ some thoughts ___________

Im playing very good, especially if compared vs the regs my stakes Im playing, its full of terrible regs . The plays they do, I can't believe how they are so bad... **** they play everyday and do pathetic ridiculous mistakes. Im not talking about thin mistakes, no no, they are making very big mistakes. Some bluffs they try... jesus .

If omaha wasn't a high variance game half of games would quit the game tomorrow when they realize they are so bad. fishs always playing because they are playing for fun, but regs would quit .

Obvious Im complaining because Im running bad.. Once again, great tables, tons of fishs, full of bad regs, and I win $100... **** !!!! ok, could be way worse, lose $2k, lose a lot etc , but my edge is just so big , that i feel i should be winning... ok, wrong mindset, but whatever, its annoying run bad when total poor.

This month my results (poker only) so far are 41k hands winning $4,8k . Could easily be around $8k . maybe more... running very bad.

Tomorrow Im not playing, hopefully I will have a big weekend at tables.

edit: Im crying, but its not that bad. could be a lot worse too. After thinking last 5 minutes... well Im running bad, like, 3/10, but at least its not 0/10. Also its part of the game. What makes everything hurts more its because Im very poor...

another positive thing is today I was down $1k and managed to make a comeback with solid plays all time. Im on the right track, if keep doing this Im invencible overall.

____________ Scared Shark ______________

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BmE...=RDRFxRTLmtsbE

Poker Session Review

- skill game. 7/10

- mental game. 7/10.

results: 7:30hours, 7,1k hands. won $3,4k, AIEV + $1,2k .

Great result, a big day for me !!!!! weeeeee

I did the best I could to have a big weekend at poker and today its just the 1st day - hopefully I don't crash next 2 days lol -, include wake up early 10am , thats very early for me, did everything I had to do fast to be able to play early and get good tables/more hands. Nice that Im being rewarded for my hard work !! and nice having luck too

Some thoughts....

I was annoyed about my 0.5/1 results... it was 8bb with 1evbb. I was pretty sure it was bad luck, but its probably also the fact I wasn't playing the best, not about skill game, but focus, concentration etc . I wanted have a good result there, paying attention everything, I won 24 stacks there. Obvious I ran great, but played great too.

Last days I have been playing 2/4... Im trying to be a nit, I quit gambling, only poker, its fun that with this nit mindset I became scared to play 2/4 ... I don't know what I do now, because this 2/4 tables are very easy, there are fishs and Im better than 90% of regs who are playing there, but still, very low bankroll... Im holding tables 99% of the time, only when a boss arrive I have to quit, but its obvious Im one of the good players there. But Im not playing well ... I can't make agressive plays with so short roll... I don't know what I do . Probably will keep playing , but damn it, Im so poor now. With $20k I can be the boss there, maybe the best decision is wait till 20k roll . What makes this a hard decision is the fact my edge is obvious there. sick Im scared. Will think and see what I do.

This month my results at 2/4 are 4,2k hands winning $1,3k AIEV + $350 .

After today I have $14,1k roll, $400 at bank and have to pay $2,5k November 11. Plus have to cashout to pay bills because lol $400 at bank. Thats why I can't play 2/4...

Anyway, this is a great bankroll because with this money I can grind decent stakes 0.5/1 and 1/2 and its 100% impossible I go broke . I can finally breath and feel confortable about money. Still a loooong way to be ok for real, but now I can breath.

This last days was very hard , both when playing with stress and also when wasn't playing, thinking ''omg I might go broke if I have a bad run''. This won't happen anymore.

Tomorrow more 5-7hours of poker.

__________ grinding_______________

**** I need a new mouse and key board.

Poker Session Review

- skill game 6/10. Played good for most of time, but way too nit at 2/4.

- mental game. 6/10. Lost 4-5stacks in a row during 2 moments , droped $1k in this moments, it was hard .

results: 6:40hours, 5,7k hands, won $2,2k AIEV + $1,7k .

Last 2 weeks I played 54k hands, won $10,5k with 12bb. good results, but honestly given how easy is this field , I think 15bb suits my effort. Today I played 2k hands lol sample size, but the field was so easy, I finished 1evbb and 0bb there, should have like 20bb.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iNb...&start_radio=1

I put this now, because I see me as a young kid climbing again... sure for the 1000th time, but after some stuff that hapenned feels like I was born again. I really feel Im 10years youngerthan I am . its so good to be alive . I wish my life was forever ...

_______________ Shark Attack _____________

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=425G...=RDRFxRTLmtsbE

Poker Session Review

- skill game. 9/10. Im fan of how I played today. There was 2 hands that I think I could play another way, but both lines I took are ok.

- mental game. 7/10. I still didn't see results, but I don't remember losing many big pots... there was one $600 pot at 1/2, damn , it was painful, nut str8 + set and only 60% equity on turn lol. By the way , I guess I won $500-$2k.

results: 6:15 hours, 5,7k hands, won $3,1k, AIEV + $2,4k .


Need remember that running good is easy, I want see when its about to explode losing losing losing........... I shouldn't even think ''if I was a grinder like this during a long time... imagine how money Id have'', because my brain is so incostant , ups and downs .... ( almost always down , lol )

Will play more Monday/Tuesday, around 4-5hours each day, prob finish month with 65-70k hands .

My game is sharp at this moment, I want play more and more.

Wish I could move to Party Poker and try bigger games, 2/5 seems to run all day all night there... but for now will focus on my little 0.5/1-2/4. btw still not a reg at 2/4, I still consider myself shot taking there.

Decided do other things and didn't play Monday/Tuesday as planned before.

Its the end of October in poker for me, time for month review ! NOTE: everytime I say October Im starting to count since day 10th October, thats when I got my new bankroll. I started playing poker again day 14th. Since World Cup I was outside poker grind , heavily gambling and I lost tons of money gambling , I also lost my mind and my confidence...

I was very sad, desperate at day 10th, bad things crossing my mind, the worst I could feel money wise, a situation that I shouldn't never let happen ... My total debts were $93k with big % month fee. sometimes I feel bad because will be 7-8 long months until I pay everything, but whatever, the stuff I did, wouldn't surprise me if I had a million debts... also could be a lot worse imagine 8 months in jail, 8 years in jail... i never did anything to deserve jail, not even close, just saying, people do mistakes... my mistake is going to cost me a bit, but whatever, whats done is done . Started writing about this boring debt stuff because its on my mind all time !!!

Recap:

day 10th October, 3 weeks ago, I found a $6k loan that I thought would be impossible to get... plus small chances to get$2k more (8k total)... I had 0$ poker bankroll and $500 in bank. In the end I got $8k loan, but I only knew Id get this $2k more 1 week ago .

With that miracle last loan, off course my next step was go gamble sportbets to win easy money, which happenned , but wasn't easy , I almost busted (again, lol) , at worst had $3k left, made $2k bet and game started losing ... **** ! Won $3k gambling in 2days which made a huge diferent both in my pockets and in my mindset/confidence.

Im such a good boy.... I just need a new toy.... just tell me a history... you know the one I mean.... So I went play poker !!! omaha. At this moment my liferoll was $11k .

14h Ocotber, I started playing poker for real. I sat 0.5/1 up to 2/4 and in 5min of playing I went all in pre AAAJr vs KKds, $800 pot, one of those ''can not lose hands'', key hand ! oh my... I held and won ! Since that day I played poker almost everyday !!!!!!!!!!!

Poker Month Review

80 hours played, 60,1k hands, won $13,6k (+14bb/100) AIEV $8,8k (+7bb). low hands per hour because I was starting sessions way too late when not many tables are running... this will change for the next month.

0.5/1 ...... 31k hands , 14bb, 3evbb. I consider this results 9/10. Ran really bad at setups, but decent post all in stuff...3evbb is pathetic.

1/2 .....24k hands, +15bb, 13evbb. Results 9/10. Should be a 10, but way too soft tables.

2/4 ......5k hands, 8bb, 6evbb. Results 8/10. No idea about my real winrate here, but I was surprised how this game was easier than I expected... not very soft, but def not hard. Playing waaaay to nit , I will change this in November... Seems most of midstakes plo action its at other sites nowadays, but with my little bankroll I can only play 1 site for now, so will keep playing 0.5/1-2/4 at same site.


- skill game for the month. 7/10. I think my game nowadays is enough to beat up to 10/20, but I need a big bankroll and a strong mindset. At this moment I don't have neither, so I will keep grinding small stakes for a while without huge variance . But off course its on my mind move up and play up to 10/20 in 2019.
- mental game for the month. 5/10. All sessions i gave myself at least 6, but I admit my 1st and 2nd session this month with short bankroll things wouldn't end well if I ran bad... luckily I ran good in that day.

I was desperate, didn't make any goals when I started playing... but in my mind, the main goals were:

- get a decent bankroll to play 0.5/1 1/2.

Done. crushing this stakes and taking shots at 2/4.

- win money to have enough to at least pay bills and pay $5,5k before 11th Nov.

Done.

- recover my mind .

Done !!!!!

Wasn't a goal, but very important: Im enjoying a LOT playing poker, Im loving it !

Now I have a solid $14k bankroll and $5k in the bank, enough to live until January 2019... 3 weeks ago I had enough to live 10 days lol !!!!! More important than winning money was recovering my mind.


__________________________

sports.

going 6x to gym...Im enjoying, having ok results, but still bad... Im very tall, hard to get good results, and im not very consistent, I go 6x per week during 3months, and then skip an entire month lol.

running... running 2x per week.

when crazy gambling I go in another life style and stoped running. I re-started running , 2 times per week... 3km, 4km, now running 10k per week (5k per day). Last Monday I ran 5km below 30min !!!!!! Its terrible time, but for an amateur like me , I felt very happy !!! My record at 5km is 27:30 (few months ago) and I only ran more than 10k in a day 2-3 times in my life, and never ever below 1hour at 10km.


__________________



GOALS November !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Poker

- 150 hours . Will be around 120k hands. Never played so many hours , lets try. In the past I was grinding 100hour per month which was a lot , but given my poor status and big debts , its time to go for the maximum possible.

- Start ALL sessions before 5:30pm. More tables running, higher hourly rate. Otcober I was starting 8pm, 7:30pm...

- Play good, try not make mistakes, and when do mistakes, acept and don't get tilted.

- no casino, no sportbets.

- Became a solid 2/4 reg. Im not quitting 0.5/1 tables if this happens, because playing only 1 site , need play diferent stakes... right now I can't have a downswing at 2/4, I need a bit of lucky to became a 2/4 reg for real.

- results............. I never played 150hours in a month. I don't know if I will play worse... playing 100hours per month I average $14k per month over a million hands sample size, without playing 2/4. I will be humble and say if I win $15k after a month its a 8/10 month. 10/10 is $20k +. $10k is 4/10... Less than $10k is possible but I will be very pissed. Losing is also possible and I need remember its part of the game. so, $12k-$17k its a good result. More than that its very good. less than that its not good.

With the money I win, my next steps are:

- pay $8k to P2 .
- pay $3k to F.
- pay $1,1k to S.

It sucks to see that 100% of my money goes to paying debts, but I already use this money... damn having debts sucks !!

____________

sports.

gym 6x week, keep going.

running, 2x week without any injury. I want run more than 50km this month.



Going for a big November at poker tables !!!!!

good luck to you - play poker and stop betting!

Poker Session Review

Session started with my mouse not working well... the left button sometimes click twice, really hard to use it... 1st hour was a mess, I was thinking about quit session and go buy new mouse, but then started working , still bad, I thougth about closing 2/4 and playing only 0.5/1 and 1/2, didn't want a big cost misclick and also it was hard to play lots of tables... this really fcuked my mindset, was very annoying , but I kept playing for 6hours


skill game 7/10

mental game 6/10 . Trying to guess my results, no idea, but I think I lost ... -500 at 2/4, -1k at 1/2, -300 at 0.5/1. I just lost every ****ing race at 1/2 , ridiculous. After writing this, i see results, won $400, but at lost $1,4k in last 1,4k hands... damn it ... jesus how much this tilts me, wake up until 4am to play with fishs and get destroyed !!!!

results: 8:30hour, 6,6k hands , won $400, AIEV - $150. ya, negative AIEV, how pathetic is this game. and yes im cry baby complaining everytime lol

___________ **** ____________


Mouse wasn't working, I wasted $100 in a new mouse... hope this new one can fly, only reason to be $100. it moves pretty fast... Im not into this computers stuff, I didn't know this exist, this mouse I can adjust the speed it moves... at maximum speed its impossible, so fast !!

Poker Session Review

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5Xl...nqDR0m-yjof1rS

- skill game. 6/10. Im results oriented, thats why 6/10. Spots weren't showing up, everytime regs were 3betting in late position vs fish, whcih is standard isolate move, I had KK or AKQJ stuff on blinds and they always had AA... .annoying . Also didn't win a ****ing pot at 2/4, played like a nit there and check fold all flops.

- mental game. 7/10.

Today was the day I remember with most action at 1/2 tables. Its been a while since I see ''you reach table cap, you can't open this table''. I was 24tabling for a while, all good tables. some special 2/4 tables with guys 4betting K763, but even w that I couldn't win... fish opens cut off, reg 3bet button, I 4bet AKJT, reg has AA...standard, but hell .

results. 4:50hours, 4,4k hands, won $400, AIEV -$400. lol AIEV. For real, in a day like this , my AIEV should be +$2k, and I played good enough to achieve that . 2nd day in a row I have negative EV and still win, but honeslty, this doesn't tell the entire story, both days I actually ran pretty bad. My 0.5/1 graph seems a fish on a heater ... idk how I can get negative ev with those whales .

I saw 2 regs talking, both of them used to play a lot higher than 1/2 and their convo made me happy, giving me a boost to grind and rebuild.

Tomorrow will play a big session, hopefully I play good .

___________ LIGHT_____________

Not even the basics human needs in this century I can get... Started playing at 6pm, good time to start, ready to kill, really want to play a big hours session and 1 hour later the ****ing energy go out , total in the dark!!!!!! 1min later energy is on again, I turn on computer, and ''new software PokerStars'' need to be download. Really, in the middle of the session ? I downloaded and thanks god didn't lost my seats/tables, which were great. But because new download, lost all settings, had to set it everything again... very annoying. % bet sizes, favorite seat etc etc etc... after doing everything while playing - didn't want lose seats - , booooom , lost ****ing energy again !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! jesus why my place ... all neibourhood has light, its like 3-4buildings in the dark and obvious Im one of them.

Waiting light comeback... I gave up and now Im back at my place 1am, light is on . You know what, im even more hungry to play poker tomorrow, this makes me good at poker. its my skills/inteligence AND I love poker. Im felling it now , I really want play poker.

Lets go for a mini poker session review.

- skill game. 6/10.


- mental game... 6/10. extremely annoying stuff losing energy, but to be tested I wish the energy comeback and I could play, which didn't happen, so a standard 6/10.

Results: ( I think I won $500... $200 at 2/4, $250 at 0.5/1 and prob even at 1/2. )

1:20hour, 1k hands, won $700, AIEV + $600. Would be a big day... Im sure would be a big day !!!


Thursday mouse not working well, annoying, couldn't perform the best. Friday wasted 2hours at mall, couldn't start early to play a big session... And Saturday lost light in my place, barely played anything... was ready to fire a big poker weekend, but unfortunally i couldn't...

Tomorrow hopefully I can play a big session !!!

ps I see my recent huge loss at sportbets turned the fearless gambler into a nit cry baby... what a **** ! My next move is play 2/4 like its just a game, going foward, not like a nit !

What a read brilliant thread! Feels like I can relate a little but maybe 100x smaller stakes hahaha keep updating and good luck!!!

Nice that you like. To be honest I think its a pathetic thread, but it helps me keep the control and vent is good sometimes.

_________ MArathon___________

Poker Session Review

- skill game 5/10. Average.

- mental game. 8.5/10. very solid, strong. Session started worst possible losing $2k in few minutes because disaster at 2/4... but actually wasn't disaster, losing 4 stacks its very normal, and this shows Im not ready to play 2/4... no yet . I like a lot how I reacted, not tilted, no donations, no stupid moves.

- results: 10:20hour ( ! ) , 9,5k hands, lost $800, AIEV - $800. Its crazy, i played 3,5k hands at 1/2 in dream line ups and lost there... jesus ...

_____________

Quitting 2/4.

Its sad because Im sure Im winner there, but with my little roll is hard. Also my mental game suffer too much because I play $100 and $200 tables, $400 is 4x $100, its obvious, but I mean, its hard to focus and play well... if I had a decent bankroll, no problem. Also Im trying to do right things and never go busto again, so Im taking a step back to jump later ... no more 2/4 for me in a while. Its hard to believe its me saying this . Suffering for playing $400 tables... LOL. but ya .

Since Im back at poker I played 8k hands at 2/4 , won $164 with AIEV negative - $750... unfortunally I will stop . Today losing 4stacks there really fcuked my mind.. its so sad having to quit this, but my main goal is my mindset and Im way too idiot, so lets be a nit for a while.


Month so far looks terrible. 21k hands played, winning only $700 and AIEV - $700... lol. running very very bad at 1/2 .

Paid $8,2k debt !!! weeeee

Had $15,3k roll... my plan was keep always at least $15k bankroll, so I could play up to $400 if I want, but after I decided take a break from 2/4, I don't need that much in my bankroll, so i sent $8,2k to friend and paid a good part of my debt !! Feels good paying debts, improving, moving foward in the right track !

Still a ridiculous big debt ...but going in the right direction !!!!

Now only $7,1k roll, very small , won't pay anything until have at least $13k . Only 1/2 and 0.5/1 for a while !

Finished my 2/4 shot as a winner ( 0,5bb winner lol)

______________ Slow ___________

No poker for me last 2 days, which shouldn't happen if I want play 150hours this month . Back to the game today........ by the way I wasn't very motivated to play today, I have something tomorrow, and did some stuff today, don't like starting sessions late, I almost didn't play... days like this give me impression that I should play poker 24/7 until I have a million in my pockets, because grinding nit style low stakes its win win win win.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lq0f...=RDLq0fUa0vW_E

Poker Session Review

- skill game . 7/10. Im getting better at bet sizes, made one special bluff today.

- mental game. 6/10. there was a hand that put me on tilt !!!! I folded a decent hand vs a fish , at that moment I didn't noticed he was a big fish , thought he was medium sized fish, there was a short stack already all in, no side pots, I gave him credit and made a hero fold, he bet $80 into $190 and I folded...he was bluffing LOL. wish I didn't see that showdown, but short stackall in.

one thing that i hate is seeing my big stakes getting dicimated without all ins... triple up to $600, and then have $280 without playing any big pot... feels so weak, owned...

no 2/4 today. won't play there until pay some more debts and grow at least $20k roll, which will take many weeks, probably months.

results . no idea, but ran TERRIBLE at 0.5/1. I think I won $1k at 1/2 and lost $500 at 0.5/1.

oficial: 5:50hours, 3,2k hands, won $2k, AIEV + $840.

its hard to believe how bad Im running at 0.5/1... at this late hour sessions im only playing with fishs ... At same time, Im running tons above ev... the tables I played today I calculate my ev at 20bb+ , no joke.


Important win, $9,2k roll, SOLID bankroll.

___________ crazy paranoid _________

I didn't want play today... Im sick, don't know what I have, my throat is extremely sore, hurting a lot . I woke up felling bad, but keep the plan to play poker, but during the day paranoia dominated my mind and I decided Id go to hospital to make blood exams, but I couldn't do any blood test because I drank yesterday and blood tests can only make after 24+hours after last time you drank alcohol. fml ... Today I was fine most of time, but when paranoia comes it destroy my state of mind and I start thinking a terrile disease will kill me. and because Im very lucky because its weekend results only Monday/Tuesday, so some dark days are coming...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUQiUFZ5RDw

I see Im very weak mindset overall... this paranoia with disease I think has 2 reasons: since I stop smoke weed, I feel more anxiety, a lot more. I used to smoke so much... this has to **** w someone brain when you smoke like I did for 12 years. And the disaster of my world that put me traumatized ... I saw someone who I most love in the world became sick and died. At 1st doctors said it was all good, no problem, and 2-3 months later we found it was a huge disease with only 15% survival rate. It was a big war. If discoreved before, off course would have more chances. This really ****ed my mind, even 15years later.

With that in my mind, I sat to play poker... and Im very proud how I played, felling invencible at poker tables, because with worst state of mind and running VERY bad, I played good.


Poker Session Review

- skill game 6/10.

- mental game. 9.5/10. I conquer my own mind and played great.

- results: 5:50hours, 6,1k hands, lost $600, AIEV + $900. bad terrible run ...

__________________ Please hold ____________________

Yesterday after dinner I felt really bad, throat hurting a lot (7/10), late at midnight it was hard to breath, pain 9/10 I couldn't sleep at all... stayed in bed for 3hours and woke up because pain each 20min. sick !!

Went to hospital at 9am, by the way, in years I wasn't at streets in a Saturday morning... doctors said its just infection and its all good. They said Monday Im probably ok, ebing able to play sports .

Since I was at hospital and had to do some blood tests , I did aids test... since condom broke w hooker I got paranoid and just seeing normal girls.... promissed 1 year without hookers lol. by the way, 3 weeks to go !!!! also Im always using my own condom...btw its fun, some girl think I might have something since Im extra careful lol. I did 3 aids test, the last in May, 6 months after condom broke and all doctors said its 100% conclusive the tests after 3months... 6months, its like, nobody ever happenned in the world with this modern tests. IF its bad result, its because other girls, but Im confidentthis other girl its 0 risky. After doing this test Im a bit paranoid LOL. just waiting... ''what IF...'' as I said, impossible, but still give me anxiety. Have to wait until Monday... damn it.

With that in mind, without any sleep at all, I sat to play a short session... that turned into one of the biggest longest sessions I have ever played !!!

Poker Session Review.

- skill.5/10. At sometimes I was playing really good, at other times way too nit. I made a pathetic bad fold w aces... **** .

- mental game 9/10. Very tired, anxiety in back of my mind , plus started running really bad, but with solid grind things turned around.Even with bad state of mind Im doing great... feels invencible.

Today was a big day at 1/2 tables because one reg was tilting hard ,3betting a ton and many huge deep stacks. I really want stop before, Im VERY tired, but couldn't pass this situation.

results: 11:20hour, 10,6k hands, won $3,1k , AIEV + $4,4k. Have to play more during weekends.......................... !!!!!

Btw i totally destroyed 1/2 games and lost $1,5k at plo100... frustrated w that plo100 results.

Tomorrow I guess im not playing . I don't like play poker while my head is thinking about other stuff... Played today because couldn't do anything and wanted improve my money situation.


Bankroll $11,6k now. Good win $3k to boost it.

___________ GRinding... _______

Played a lot today... but wasn't in the mode ... waiting aids test result... i see im pathetic for being worried about this, the hooker the window aids period is finished and the other times this year it was good girls . that said, all i want today is wake up at Monday to be able to confirm thats good result. With that in my mind, I wasn't in the best state of mind to play poker... but played a long and solid session.

My mindset wasn't far away from the best to play good poker, but I was very strong dealing with bad beats and sick loss of money, because most this weekend I was all time thinking ''whatever, I just want good result test, don't care poker, thats not even important at this moment''. In the past I was a very sick fearless gambler ... and I always had this ''whatever, I don't care '' state of mind and because of that I was always good dealing big losses and being able to take big shots . I will recover this state of mind.

Poker Session Review.

- skill game 6/10. So many fishs...

- mental game . 9/10

results. I think I won around $1k.
results. 8hours, 6,6k hands, won $1,6k, AIEV + $1K .

$12,2k bankroll. nice ! (paid $1,1k debt after today session)



___________________________

Today day 11th November its the day I had to pay $5k to one guy. Im not his friend, I HAD to pay this money this day... he is an idiot, stupid pig nerd . nothing would happen if I didn't pay, or better saying, somthing would happen, id fail w my word, and I never fail in this aspect. Even when i fail, I fix. 1month ago i made this deal w him, 1 month ago I had like $500 at bank and it was all my money . (plus tons of debts) .

I was lost... my idea was get more loans, but everytime Im already in big debts owing lot of money, friends hesitate a bit and some of them stop sending me more money, which is totally fair and I never ever complain about this, some guys send me more than I deserve . Just saying, it was very hard to get money this time. I thought Id get max $2k, but a miracle happenned and I got $8k loan, deposited $6k poker, $2k to food gas etc. I thought would be a hard month at poker, I remember thinking ''if I win $5k until 11th november its all good'' .

With my little money , the plan was be a nit, but before that I jumped into sportbets, wrote about this in last posts here... Since that I played 108k hands , won $20,5k, AIEV + $15,2k (easy games) , paid that $5k weeks ago, and paid more $9,3k debt.

side note: I have +1evbb at plo100 in that period. and running 48buy ins above EV lol . (crazy variance in both aspects. Im running the worst possible at ev and the best possible post all ins).


Now go sleep, wake up tomorrow, confirm my good test and be happy. I still a bit sick throat, not doing anything this week, probably back at normal stuff Wednesday, So will play a lot of poker next days !

ps: Im in love with the expression ''state of mind'' .

____________ A N X I E T Y ________________

Already night and hospital didn't give the ****ing aids results... they said would be avaliable this morning. damn god !!!!!! Now my paranoid mind already thinking its bad result and they are delaying the result to check twice to see if its a bad result, I don't know ... ****

One thing that I hate is HOW I see the result .

Comparing with sportbets, games that Im not watching . When its at least 30%+ of life roll in 1 game, lets say basketball NBA game. I watch the time... not the score. 1st quarter, 1st I see the time... 10:48. wait until 10:00min to see the scores... then I see the other team score... go step by step , suffer less. then I see my team score.

keep going only watching the time. when its half quarter, at 6min, I do the same thing. Usually do it again at 3min, but sometimes i only watch after end of quarter .

and thats only the 1st quarter. Keep doing this all game. its step by step, suffer less.

Comparing with this aids tests... no step. you open the site, its either green or red. (or blank, when its not ready yet) . green you are good. red you are bad. jesus, so much anxiety, so much suffering ...

would be the same if the sportbets, I bet all my money in a game and can't check time/score step by step... would be like open the sportbets site and either you win the money or not, BOOOOOM, no step by step... off course im not comparing losing all my money vs having aids... i have lost all my money countless times and im very happy now. aids is life tilt suicide mode forever.

that said... its 100% sure my aids result is good, i know it, i shouldn't even do this stupid test ... just give me anxiety .

fml... waiting. writing this post while wait in the phone for hospital staff tell me why my result not avaliable yet . the girl who is talking w me from the lab has a very very uncommon name, that happens to be the name of the hottest girl i know. she was a friend from high school, not close friend. she was always beautiful, but when i was a teenager i used to love boobs, she was very skinny flat chest... nowadays she is still skinny flat chest but her hips and butt is perfect , my opinion changed a bit and im not a big fan of big boobs anymore, so i think she is the hottest girl ever... btw its 12min on the phone. at this point, i really think theres something wrong going w the hospital lab. **** .

i need go therapy to stop this anxiety...or maybe back to smoke... or both hahaha

edit: after 16min on phone, lab says its in the process, 10pm its avaliable IF don't need do it again. they explain hiv tests are sensible and sometimes you need do the process in the lab twice to double check. this doesnt increase or decrease the chances of anything, its how its done.

i gotta admit that i suffer w anxiety, but i love it. i think thats why i love putting all my money in gambling situations... suffer a lot, but this anxiety is amazing . praying until 10pm.

_____________ Burning Man ______________


brb, going to kill that girl who gave me aids... lol . good test result, obvious , green, Im good... I saw this after session... becuase before seeing this result I was TILTED !!!!!!!!

Without the best state of mind, i sat to play... and unfortunally i sat to play higher than i usually play...

Poker Session Review

- skill game.3/10 ups and downs... early i was playing good 6/10, in the middle I was playing 1/10 tilt mode, in the end OK 6/10.

- mental game. 1.5/10. hard tilt today.

The games at 2/4 and 3/6 were good, and I got tilted... no excuse, doesnt matter how bad I ran, I could never sit there w my state of mind AND with my bankroll, wtf I was doing. but ya ran really bad. There was 8 hands coolers, I 4bet AKKx vs crazy fish, they have AA. I 3bet AAds vs short reg, he calls and flop a set, flop is standard pot call. Crazy fish pots turn straight, I have to go w set and lost. EIGHT hands like that.

From the $3,5k I lost at 2/4+, $1k was donation I did. The rest is part of the game. Which proves Im not ready to play this games , losing $2k is nothing there.. and put me on tilt !

results. Today I saw results before write post... 6:20hours, 6k hands, lost $2,2k AIEV - $1,1K.

Worst session with this new bankroll, but whatever, part of the game, and especially part of myself get tilted at least in the worst day ever I lost only $2,2k and managed to not go broke gambling at other stuff to recover... it crossed my mind, I almost did it, but great decision I still have $10,2k bankroll !!!!

At worst moment today I was losing $4,4k , only $2,2k in the end wasn't that bad.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05V4CgSL0lw



This session gave me motivation to stop playing 0.5/1. I already have this in my mind weeks ago... the games are very easy but way too small. I think I will stop playing 0.5/1 when I have only $35k left debt to pay, but depends on the talk w my friend . lets see.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mXzIftmpDY

2/4results...

All time I played 38k hands there, lost $600, AIEV -$200. Its very obvious I have a decent edge there, because with tilted days and playing severe underolled like a nit I kinda breakeven...

will work hard at 0.5/1 and 1/2 for a while and then Im back crushing 2/4 to recover my place .

edit: counting 2/4 and 3/6 only with this new bankroll (since 10th october), Im down $3k there. Which is exatcly same amount I won gambling ... so its ok . the idiot lost tilted, but its the same idiot who won at sports. thats fair.

what makes me really reallyyyyyyyyy jump in this games is because Im doing perfect good at 1/2... but will wait ! 2019 !

___________ Plans / Reflection _________________

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3I5_..._radio=1&t=193

I have been thinking about what I wrote yesterday , stop playing 0.5/1, want play 2/4 and 3/6. I tried a shot, jumped in the game, played bad, ran bad, didnt work, move on. Had to try.... try again nex year .

My goal now is be a nit . Make money without stress and not much variance. Will be my goal until I pay all my debts. Taking underolled shots aren't working for me, makes my grind a mess ...

I love suffering for big money , its very fun , but I don't have a mindset to be able to do it and do good while under pressure. Its hell of a quality, that I don't have. Thats one of the reasons my gambling outside poker is a lot bigger than my poker grind... sportbets, casino, just put the money and pray... at poker, you put money and need think while you play. At this moment I have this weakness.

Playing 0.5/1 and 1/2, only that, until end of debts. My goal is win $20k per month at this stakes. big grind, tons of hours, maximum effort.

Total happiness, both with my life and with poker grind. gogogogo !

_____________ GRinding... _________________

Still a bit sick w my sore throat, but getting better everyday . Probably Thursday Im back to normal activies.

Poker Session Review

There was many tables running, but can't compare w yesterday... today many fishs, but not special fishs like yesterday. And I still running VERY bad at 0.5/1... jesus, its by far the worst run possible !!!

- skill game. 6/10 solid.

- mental game. 9/10.

Results: 5hours, 4,6k hands, won $150, AIEV + $900. 14stacks below EV at 0.5/1... (thought I had lost overall today... )

Im killing hard 1/2, its the perfect limit for me nowadays. If there was more tables running Id never play 0.5/1 again... Theres decent amount of 1/2 tables running nowadays, but I like play lots of tables... maybe i should go to zoom and play only 1/2 , half zoom half normal tables. idk, the thing is, plo100 seems too small , but I can easily make 10bb+ there... idk if I will make 5bb at 1/2 zoom.

Happy w the grind, happy overall.

Tomorrow more 5 hours of poker !

What a read… Stick to poker, you seem to be doing very well there - leave the sportbetting and casino-games.
Hope you come out on the other side, grind hard :-)

_______________ Grinding............. ___________



Poker Session Review

I still in my house recovering from small fever, all good... but I still staying at home, either watching tv or playing poker and this is making a damage in my mental game/motivation. I want, I have to go out again, at least for going for a run or gym . Makes huge diference... Lets see if tomorrow Im already fine ...hopefully .

Today it was obvious. I got frustrated very easy . also only doing this... it was boring to play poker, something that I almost never feel, im always loving playing poker, but today was diferent.

- skill game. 4/10-. Lack of motivation, not paying 100% attention... I think its the worst rate I give myself in skill game since I created this blog (not counting when I get tilted).

- mental game. 9/10. Its a curious 9... In the middle of session I was frustrated and not playing well, I recognized I was ready to get tilted... I open lobby to see 2/4, I almost sat there, very good control today . Exatcly when I was frustrated I lost biggest pot of session w KKds vs a fish in a hand that I miiiiight played way too agressive... the 4bet is def good play, but maybe just call and play in position is better because we deep . I lost ...

another thing. theres many weak regs at the stakes I play. Sure there are some strong players too... there are 2 regs very bad, playing everyday . This guys winning vs me tilts me more than anything, its mind blowning seeing them play !!!! its ok when a fish plays bad, he is doing for fun, he never plays, he will make bizarre plays, thats fine. But a reg who plays everyday, sweet ****ing jesuss..... both ran like god vs me.


- results. total I guess between losing $1,5k and -500.
- results: 6:30hour, 6,5k hands, lost $1,7k, AIEV - $1,5k.

Destroyed at 0.5/1 again... Never see this before... and Im top 3 here . Im on 40buy ins downswing . Before this I had half million hands w 12bb at plo100... its a brutal downswing, massive . **** ! Its been a brutal bad run at plo100 in few months already . Last 175k hands I won only $3k at plo100. thats ridiculous... Last year I played 200k hands w 14evbb there... same games, same bad regs, same fishs...

so sick.