Finally the machine is back, but the machine is tilting a bit . I started openning nl50 and nl100,but the nl100 was too easy, so I close nl50. In that moment I decided: Im not playing below nl100.

The session was pretty hard with lots of adrenaline. After 700 hands I was $1,5k down... amazing. Got pretty tilted , played the worst I could, cards and my brain, both weren't working. I stop session and put $1,2k at red, won, back to even, and re-started playing. Jesus, Im so stupid. lol. Usually Im not that weak at mental game, but eveyrtime I need run ok I run terrible, that make me lose my mind. Im not asking for a good run,just normal, is that possible my ****ing god .

I jsut wrote what I wrote, and I realized: stop asking... just think about playing the best possible, **** the bad run . its hard when you run bad for a decade, but lets try forget it. do it now!

----- Session review

- 3,6k hands , lost $800 /// AIEV +$250. ( overall, casino included, won $400 ) Its just so sick how bad Im running at pokerstars...

- skill 0/10. Tilted, played really bad. And still +4evbb LOL, nl100 is so easy. That said... Its sick how gambling and drugs kills my confidence to play poker. I wasn't sure about what to do... hell, Im the best in this game, how I feel this. I expect my mind will be sharp in 2-3 weeks, both because healing from drugs and ''in the zone'' with perfect reads on regs.

- mental game 0/10. Tilted hard, its been a while since I didn't play so bad like I did today.

- Session rate 1/10. Should be 0/10, but it was the ''first day'', I started, Didn't bust roll. Right now Im pissed because I finished $900 below my peak .

I love variance/gambling ! The problem is, I don't like feel variance when Im playing to pay bills, basically, variance at your job is not fun. When Im gambling, I love it, but not at my job.

Tomorrow 6hours session. Hope I run worst than today just to see how I react.

By the way, Im felling great, back to gym, back to running !!!

wow ... I did it again. ****.

Woke up, bet $1k at basket. I shouldn't be gambling when Im broke, but this was pretty good bet. I bet at -60,5 and before game start site changed handcap to -63.5. BUt lost. Then I bet $2k at one handball game, and destroeyd again. Max tilt, asked $3k with huge fee, guy didn't want send me, but the fee was so big that he acept.. I hate him. I put everything at casino, and floped dead both runs, just so ****ing sick.

Sent message to guys who I owe money and explain the situation. One of them I never see in my person but I consider him my friend. we renegociate the deal and I can pay him until december 2018. Others still didn't answer. my debts at this moment are huge, almost $90k. thats big.

I got $1250 more loan. I didn't expect this... I was ready to take 10 days outside poker and do a imbecile thing with my credit card to explode my name and use that to play poker...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBEXSiFzOfU


After my $6k loss I went to gym.... I was gambling all day, but I couldn't lose the gym today. I arrived pretty late, only 35minutes before close, not the best, but whatever, I did it, I went. I was very pissed, so I forced a bit more than I usually do, trying lift more weights to compensate my gambling loss... I hope Im not injuried tomorrow.

Leaving gym I started listening music and went drive to a place (square with many trees) close to my school which is also close to one of my best friends from high school... its the place where I learned riding a bike when I was a kid and also when I smoke my 1st joint ever, very good memorys from this place. It was midnight, nobody there... I just stayed there thinking about life. It was a bit weird do this sober, usually I do this smoking, anyway, I enjoyed being there.

Arrived home... Im so motivated to make an epic comeback that I didn't dinner or take a shower, just wash my face and sat to play nl25. such small stakes, but I did it, machine mode.

So, session review on this nl25 .

- 2k hands, - $81 /// AIEV -$75

- mental 9/10. I ran terrible, close to the worst possible, all 4bet pot with aces they floped 2pair, pathetic. The worst moment was vs a fish who 3bet 100% in 15 hands at table, I got KK, I 5bet vs him, he flats, flop 642r, he has AA. lol. nice one. This, plus losing 6k today and sitting to play nl25... Im strong.

- skill 7/10. I played good. The game is full of fishs, its hard to analyse my skill vs whales, just waiting hands and extract max value. hard to believe how I run so bad.

- session 8/10. Despite my terrible run , it was a good session.

Im not tilting or gambling until I pay all debts. I put one important picture, actually the most important picture of all my life, close to my desktop. Im not tilting anymore. Im not gambling. Im a machine on a mission.

Tomorrow no gambling, 6k hands.And doesn't matter how I run, just do it.

I'm just answering here for some advice:

You are ruining your life! You are over $90k in debt. A good player (skill-wise and mindset wise) will not get into this situation the way you did.

Your best bet (literally) is to self-exclude yourself from all playing sites you can find and get some help, both financially and psychologically. It's not too late to turn this around if you start making good decisions. Your plan is NOT a good decision.

I'm trying to be as blunt as possible so maybe it can get through to you: YOU ARE ADDICTED. It will not get better until you get treatment!

Thanks for your adivce. Now, I have to assume Im addicted. I agree with that.

I was reading about gambling... There was one article comparing drug addiction vs gambling adiction, I love it.

I love soft drugs so much that I did my best to control and use at social stuff, not 24/7, and its working well. Thats my plan with gambling: take a break, and be back gambling for fun once in a while with stop loss etc.

About quitting poker... I don't want because I enjoy playing. Even after playing for almost a decade I still love it. What I don't like is grinding small stakes...and losing. Also Im pretty good at this game, its my best shot to make money.

Played 3k hands today at nl25, lost $330 , AIEV at -270. So sick how Im running the worst possible 2 weeks in a row !!! **** !!! to compensate that I bet all I had left ($900) and NCAA game and double up. Now I have $1,7k roll to play nl50 .

Im not going to update this blog with daily posts... Im back in the end of the month to post my graph month .

Goal is 100k hands and win $10k. All I need is 2 winning sessions in a row to breath and crush again.

If u crush plo as you mention above and you seem to be a winning player based on your graph, why dont you want to grind small stake for couple of months and make good $$ to fund your bankroll and adventures on midstakes-highstakes? Betting all your roll on a basketball game is not something a smart poker player or gambler would do. Each update you make you contradict what u said before

yes, you are right. I should just grind small stake and rebuilkd from there, but I lost my mind. I agree with everything you said... and I keep gambling all my money LOL.

With $1,7k I put $800 at red, lost, another shot, lost it all again. Then I bought 2k without money to pay, double up to 4k, sold $2k and back to $2k roll. Paid $1k debt that I had to pay on 24nov, back to $1k roll.

I asked $ to another friend, we made a deal, he sent me $4k. This $ has big fee to pay , but honeslty I see that as a gift. I know that he can trust me, but he can't know this... Nice that he did trust me.

$5k roll. Plan was play pl100, but I thought increase my roll to $6k , why not . Finally won a sport bet, up to 6k .

Took 2 days without poker, plan was be back at Friday. I was lurking lobby and misclicked and sat at zoom500, I tried see big pots, but insta sit in. I got AA99 in the 1st orbit, I 3bet and pot call to lose vs pair + fd. sad. very sad. How I misclick and this happens... this woke the beast.

$500 gamble. I hit 65% favorite peak, to split in the end. feeding the beast.

$500 gamble, I lose missing flush draw.

$1k gamble, I hit 90% favorite peak, just to lose ... damn ****ing god, now the beast is hungry like theres no tomorrow !!!!!!

I was going to put everything, all money to gambling site, it took a while... tramite problems, it was slow... I still had stars openned and the games were running. Then a weird thought comes into my mind, and honeslty, Im impressed. thats a miracle. For the very 1st time in my life the beast went sleep while being hungry. Thats a truly miracle ! and a huge win for me.

''look at this tables... 10/20... damn, I wish I could be playing this tables, easily, you would be one of the best at this table, look at this idiot from canada, he is playing 5/10 up to 50/100 and you are better than him... why you not playing threre ... you know why. ''

this thoughts comes to my mind once in a while, but I always finish saying ''doens't matter, Im all in''. Its a mix of gambling mindset + destroying mindset. But no, now Im improving, Im willing to build, Im going up.

''look, you are tilted, and I know, the very best thing to do now is putting everything at red and pray. If you lose, at least you will have THAT felling... if yuo win, its even better ''

ok, we are all in.

''hey, but you know what, remember how you feel if you lose... and , what if you don't go all in at red and play poker for a while. imagine where you will be... not only today, other days too, imagine you taking all money from this idiots, just like you did in the past''.

''if you REALLY stop now and don't gamble, you know what, it has more value than if you double up at roulete. $4k or $8k with gambling mindset, whatever... in your hands, $4 with poker mindset, soon you have $40, and then $400.''

''ok, Im finally quitting''

and like a miracle, I put the beast to sleep . Im sure the beast is coming again , but the 1st time its the biggest and hardest step. When this happens, I might fail, but I hope she sleep again before dominate my mind.

It feels pretty good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVOhjboOt1I


But hey, the money arrived at casino online and Im curious, so lets put minimum bet at the roulete, just to see what would be the result, if you would double up or not. I do it, and guess what, I win. So sad. This is so mean and sad . **** it. I always lose big ones and win small...

Im the unluckiest guy in this world, yes I am, but Im also the best player. If I run the worst possible and play my best possible, I will be top winner, Im sure.

During few minutes I was like ''but damn it, I only have $4k now... so bad''.

''learn this: you could have $6k now, yes you could. but if you stop now, you can have $100k in months. lets be honest, you are already ****ed, $4k to $8k, lol, you could have milliona, just say **** off to eveyrthing else and play your best poker''.

the beast was hungry, I thought she was unstopable. But not, Im training and getting better at this . I still can't believe it. lol. Im felling stronger .

Now Im sure the great shark is back. At least until the beast wake up again.

---

The new plan is wait until Sunday, maybe Saturday and play. IF not felling good, wait until tuesday. Can't wait to play, but waiting is good for mindset too.

The first step to recovery is keeping a record of every dollar you spend gambling. Write it all down, keep a file and review it.

-------- The Beast is Always Hungry -----------

Woke up looking for trouble...... with $4,4k roll thats dangerous. Bet $1k at Angola vs Russia, got destroyed, lost. $1k bet at roulete, lost . $2k down.. put $2k at casino again, won . Bet $1k at handball, won. $800 for the day, this was a time to stop. But ... you know. Bet $800 at Argentina basketball , won, up $1460 !!! Now, serious, this was really good time to stop, $6k rolk, good to play 0.5/1.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPaulRvn6xM

Bet $1k at another basket, -12.5. The game was ugly , terrible, I finished my bet cashing $257. At end of 3rd quarter my team need 17 points to my bet win, and my team was playing bad. 10minutes later my team won by 19 points, Id have $1543 more... that was maximum tilt. Bet $1k again at +18.5, in couple minutes handcap goes to -31.5 and Im dieing... I tilt and I bet $700 at another game. Like a miracle the $1k +18.5 recovered and I won that. The $700 game is ugly too, I finish my bet for $386. And again, a miracle, and Id win $900 more.

Finish a bet before the game end its stupid,and I hate doing this, but Im poor, I can NOT lose this money, so I do it. - idiot, if you can't lose, don't bet ! if you bet, go until the end!

I didn't finish my gambling session pissed because overall + $1089, very good results, roll up to $5540, enough to play 0.5/1. Could be a lot more... I have a problem that sometimes I way too much pessimisct and only see the bad side from the things. It happens in my personal life too. Im trying to change this... I could have won $2k more , yes, but I could have lost $4k today if the $2k bullet at roulete fails, and that would means the end of the (my) world. Also, the perfect time to quit was + $800 , I was at gym, doing ok, +$800 was very happy day. After that I still won +$289, so IM GOOD !

Beast needs get killed... sleeping doesn't work. Idk how kill this monster.

Tomorrow poker I guess. But not sure.

no the perfect time to quit was before the first bet, second best time to quit was before the second bet, onwards

probably best life ev decision right now for you would be self banning everything related to gambling, remove all gambling contacts you don't owe $ to, look into filing for bankruptcy or something, get whatever job you can and on your own time focus on something that will actually improve your life in 6 months like web development

0% you make it in poker no matter how good you are

This.

Seriously the worst thing about this is that you are borrowing money from your friends. You are going to burn all your bridges with them when they find out you are BSing them. You seriously need to quit all gambling/poker and work out how to sort your life out.

Why you think Im BSing them ? I don't want get into details about this, but I always tell them when I lose gambling. They know everything... they know Im gambler and they trust me that when I have money, I always honor our deals.

Yeah, I'm sure you tell people to lend you 2k so you can degen it off on Angola VS Russia, casino and roulette. You must have some very wealthy and generous friends.

-------- Hello Lady Lucky ------

My last post, I was conviced the best for me was quitting gambling. I cahout my roll and plan was don't touch money until Friday... I have a problem, I see chips flying and I got excited !

On Sunday one friend - who is a ****** like me - message me ''hey man, Im winning $20k today, look this basketball games, if you want take a shot w my chips let me know''. He knows Im busted... as Steven5656 says, I have very wealthy and generous friends.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKpQ...=RDJW5UEW2kYvc

But this guy is just generous... he is busted like me, lost all his fortune at bet365, just like me. ******, but good guy, as I said, just like me.

I see the games, there was one special game that I couldn't pass... I bet and won $800.

With this $800, I said, ****, its a freeroll, Im betting this $800 and I swear god, Im quitting if/when I lose. Honestly, that were my thoughts, but seeing it from now, I guess I wouldn't quit if I lose that $800. Anyway, I ran it up, $800 turned into $6k in 2 days ! Now, things get weird... I have been betting small, $500, $1k game. The weird thing is, my friend has 2 accounts and the account I was betting was limited... Which make me thing I was a winner LOL. down half million, win $5k back, thinks Im a winner. I wonder if big fishs at poker think they can beat pros when they win 3buy ins in one night hahaha.

By the way, its the 3rd account I have banned, I truly believe Im making solid bets, but unlucky. Im + hunter. Or maybe not... I have no idea why I was banned .

I really want take a break from sportbets/gambling until I pay debts, and quitting winning is the best sensation ever... I was 6,5k up, the original goal was win $2k on Sunday and quit. I winning $1,5k today at sports, about to quit when I see Venezuela x Peru basketball, pure trash junky quintal game, exatcly how I love. Peru is terrible, game started at +27.5 Peru. I say ****, gogogogo, and bet $1k to win $15k. 5min into 2nd quarter Peru is leading by 8 points and my bet that was 16 to 1 now is 1 to 2.50 LOL GO GO OMG ONE TIME !

No, not this time... 3rd quarter is a disaster and I lost. but its fine, $5,5k up, its great ! Especially because I was so broke, total busto poor semi homeless level.

Friend send chips to PokerStars, I want cashout a bit to pay bills food etc, need play few hands ... I sit to play.

''this game is so easy !!!!!! Im so good !!!! I enjoy so much playing this game !!! how the **** you go gambling while you could be playing this game that runs everyday ? ''

thats what crossed my mind today when I sat to play.

But I didn't want play today... I was playing to cashout, and in the 1st bad beat I already get tilted. next 5minutes Im playing the worst possible 3betting all trash, cold calling 4bets to hit, down $400 in couple minutes . But I start running ok and finish with $300 profit .

Now, its oficial, GAMBLING SEASON finished ! $12k roll, very solid roll, can cashout and still play nl100 and nl200.

Im back to poker next friday . 2 days resting relaxing going to club sports...

you are down half a million ?
wow

I think he's down like 100k

You need to get help. You are an addicted gambler and spiraling out of control getting constant loans.

--------- Season is Over -------------

Last week was tons of adrenaline, doing nothing (got a bit sick, some fever) and gambling a lot. At first I really thought I found the starway to heaven, the gold mine... I peak $25k up (20 at sports, 3 at casino) betting at new strategy, always going on the worst team. I thought the house was putting the wrong odds. Worked very well for a while. Meanwhile I got 2 bet365 accounts limited... hell, how I couldn't think I was a winner in that ****hole ?

In my 3rd account (I know some rats who has many accounts. I paid some $ to use this accounts) I lost $9k... And Im conformed that its impossible - at least for me - make a living betting on sports.

Today I lost $5k overall (9k at sports. +4k at casino) and Im not tilted ... Im ok, felling ''my mission is complete ''. I usually get very tilted when I lose this amount, but Im kinda relieved, felling good about what I have done, I made good bets, I went for that I thought was the best. Didn't work today, but worked often last days. I lost my money bets on pretty good bets, and losing this bets prove to me that its not worth try making a living there.

If I had lost my money on bets that I made because I was tilted, I would be on rage tilt. One of the bets today, it was $2,8k at +25 Venezuela basket, I was very confident, almost bet $6k, during game I was like ''damn it, should have bet more... why not more, this was so good''.. and this felling ''should bet more'' happenned in another games too.

Overall results on this 12 days gambling, recap:

- Won $20k. 3-4k at casino and 16-17k at sports. paid ~13k in debts.

- I put all my roll once at casino and double up. And double up again . I should be busted.

- Its the very first time I quit a gambling season winning a nice amount. USually gambling seasons only stop when I have 0. huge improvement .

Highlights:

- Peru +18.5 basketball, $3k bet. $2,5k profit

- NCAA basketball Illinois St vs xxxxx. $2k to Illinois win at odds 4.00. $6k profit. It was an epic win ! I promissed Id quit after this luckbox win... I Won 7k more after that, in 4 days.

- PHX suns x LA lakers, I had -2,5 suns. $4k bet. $3,5k profit.

- Bolivia basketball +38.5, bet $3,5k. $2,7k profit. account got limited during this game, finished 22 points diference and this game made me believe I was a genius at sportbets.

- NCAAW basketball Howard +55. $5k bet, lost.

- NCAA Miss valley ST +20.5 $3k bet. $2,5k profit.

- $2k at casino. Lost. $3,5k. Lost. $4,5k, won. $2k , won. Should be busted on that day, Im glad to ran like I ran.

Im not thinking ''I could have stop before lose the last $5k'', because as I said, I thought I was beating the house and I had to take shots. If I didn't take this shots, I would think forever ''what if.... ''

Im proud of my quitting skills. Im proud of taking this shot because I truly believe I found a leak in bet365 handcap live system, but turns out that I was just extremely lucky. I like to think that maaaaybe I do have an edge vs the bookis on this, but with 17% rake its impossible .

GG sportbets, GG gambling, It was fun, it was positive $$$$ . All good. I will be back after I clear my debts . and with a solid stop loss, like today.

Quitting those crazy sportbets with $20k profit feels like surving a tough battle, a war !! My last thoughts about gambling : '' relieved / happy'' . fun days !

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5Zpmaz2OKE

...................................

My finance money roll situation is (already paid $13k in debts):

$11k roll.

debts :

- 3k condo
- 7k to F.
- 2k to S.
- 39k to P.
- 12k to P2.

I was so busted. i didn't have money to pay my condo, so I didn't even look, I guess its 3 or 4 months. $3k I think . (I have $200 in my wallet, $150 at bank. its my liferoll . meanwhile doing multiple 1k bets all day hahaha)

So, I have to cashout $5k. 3k pay condo and $2k to use in december, food, bills etc.

$6k roll. Play 0.5/1, maybe 0.25/0.50 togheter. Will start playing 1/2 with $12k. When I have $18k I will pay 7k to F. Then I only pay S, P and P2 in 2018, after having a decent bankroll to play poker online and a decent life roll to use in daily situations - off course they are aware this .

My mind is fresh...Im felling lucky, Im motivated to play poker. In this situations I became a locomotive, a machine that run over wahtever is there.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kd9TlGDZGkI

--------- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPaulRvn6xM ----------

Didn't quit gambling, it was a dumb decision, but in this perfect world that is fair, I got rewarded by my stupid decisions... running very good, having the best luck in most important decisions, the luck really changed sides, finally !

Won 22k in last 2 weeks 5k at sports, 17 at casino !!! More than I expect, a lot more than I deserve. But less than I need haha

Weeks ago I was almost sure I found the gold mine at sportbets, thought I found a leak in bet365 live system handcap, but now I see it was incredible luck, and I admit I don't have an edge betting there. But I like to think Im a good gambler, the problem is the 17% rake . Im quitting for a while, until I pay all debts...

Winning this $22k was very very hard and in 3 days I almost lost busted... down to 5k roll, put everything in a single bet and got lucky in this 3 days. hahaha love running good.

When I hit +18k I was ready to quit, I actually did quit, cashout everything from sportbets, it was 1 week ago, but I got semi-sick, I guess its nothing ( still waiting exam results, but 2 diferent doctors told me its 100% sure Im ok ), but I will relax 100% when I have the results, unfortunally gotta wait until 1st week of 2018 to see this stuff. But Im ok now.

I got pretty scared, sometimes my mind is my enemy and I thought I was going to die, looking back, it was pathetic, but yes I got very scared, my mind was racing... and anxiety kicked HARD . So I did bets waiting time pass... and didn't pass, but bets help to focus on another thing. I almost busted again, but luckly recovered and won +4k.

During 3-4 days I thought I was gonna die for real, and now Im giving a lot more value to simple things... ya its true ! I think after this event I will stop complaining about non important things and just have a happy life... but lets be humble, need wait the damn results ! My mind is weak, even after 2 doctors said Im ok for sure, I still don't believe 100%... I believe 99%. While I don't see results, I don't know if I will play poker . I won't travel in the holidays, I would like to play poker because tables are usually soft during this period, but lets see how my mind will be.

I didn't do any exercise, no gym, not running, Im not happy with this... I still on meds, but doctor said I can do everything. Will go slowly run tomorrow and probably back to gym on Monday. Anyway, not complaining, IF (lets be humble) Im healthy, everything else is ok .

money situation:

Paid good part of debts... Now I only owe 35k to P, 12k to P2 and 2k to S with 18k roll. I guess I will have to cashout more than I expected because I spent '' a lot'' with hospital last days, anyway, money wise Im in pretty good situation.

ps: i was reading some posts I made in this blog, lol, ridiculous, I was really lost 6 weeks ago, wtf some things that cross my mind, wow.

Its sad u think u can solve your problems doing the exact same thing that created these problems in first place. From post to post you decide on quitting gambling, then fall back into it, then again say that you like it.
Conclusion is: you dont really want to change.
So stop fooling yourself and everyone who took the time to read this
potheads mumbo jumbo.


"Now I only owe 35k...anyway moneywise im in a pretty good situation." LOL FKN LOL

------------- The Clown ----------

Im an idiot... Its hard to believe in the things I do... its fun, but jesus lol Now I calm down, adrenaline is gone, I ask myself... how the **** I was gambling at those stakes given my money situation ?? Actually... lets be honest: Im only asking this because I lost... Around -25k last week. I totally deserve it.. This time I can't complain about being unlucky or whatever reason .. I lost because I was an idiot, I deserve lose, all my fault ! Its crazy how I could think that I was a winner gambler in sportbets, but no joke, I truly believe I was.

I don't regret most of my bets at sports, I had to follow what I think its the best, even if doesn't looks the best, if I truly believe it, I will do it . What make me very very pissed with myself its I realized I wasn't a winner in those bets when I still had 17k roll, but I insisted in gambling, and after losing 7k, I burned the last 10k.

After burning everything, I asked loans, got $7k... It was hard to get this $7k, I thought they wouldn't give me anything more, but once again he gave me one more bullet, but I used this bullet to shot myself.... Put 5k at sporbets. Plan was play poker, for real, but idk what happens. Lost $4,3k. The last bet was $2k to Portland St beat Ducks @ Oregon, pretty tough game, odds 9.50. The bet was pretty good, other sites was giving 7.00 to Portland, and last games Portland was playing well and gave a hard time @ Duke #1. But come on, have $7k roll, betting $2k , thats just stupid. By the way, my team was leading 1st hand until 6min left 35 x 32 and there was tons of hope, it was a real chance. At that point ESPN gave 41% odds to Portland winning... but terrible last minutes and finished losing 39 x 50 1st half. At 2nd half Portland made an epic comeback after losing by 14 points, the game was 70 x 72, I don't believe in god, but I was praying hard !!!!! But again they made 10points diference and killed my dreams...

Meanwhile I had another $1,1k bet at -36.5 random game, I was pissed, I said, ****, Im tired of this ****, Im cashing this little money and never betting under this conditions again (poor with debts). Saved $700...

The gambling season is finally fisinshed. Debts are kinda big again... Liferoll is $1,3k (enough to pay bills until next month), $2,7k poker roll .

I was gambling so much at sports that today, being the 1st day without any bets, it was a sad day... also felling tons of anxiety, not checking results all time at my phone, it was weird, and just shows to myself how heavy gambler I was. It felt really strange not having to check results.... sometimes I put phone in my hands, and there was nothing to see, empty... sick felling. Next time Im back at gambling I won't bet at this handcap, drives me crazy, for real.

Usually after finishing a gambling season and/or losing a lot, I like to take few days outside poker, but I wanted clean my head and start thinking about poker, stop thinking about sportbets/casino.

I played 2 short sessions, 2,5k hands total winning $600 (AIEV + $300). It was very very important running good at this sessions, key moment given my bankroll. I sat at 0.5/1 and 0.25/0.50, and found myself nervous with $200 pots haha. During 2nd session I saw two pretty good 1/2 tables and played a bit, lost $300 and decided I can't play there, even if its full of donks. Its sad, but thats it .

With $2,7k, if I lose 15buy ins, - thats expected to happen very often even with my winrate -, Im down to $2k and would be hard to play 0.25/0.50. Now with $3,3k, I can play confortable 0.25/0.50 with 0.5/1, thats $75 average buy in, 50buy ins roll, thats enough for me. This $600 I won today make a big diference... I say $600 makes big diference and yesterday I bet $2k in a single basket game LOL *** me, thats why I deserve be miserable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnTZa4FY_7I

Poker.

My plan is play play and play . with $6k I stop playing 0.25/.50 and with $10k I start playing 1/2 again. if the games in last weeks of 2017 at 1/2 looks really soft I might play with less than 10k, lets see. I destroyed 1/2, its super sad not being able to play there because my gambling actions...

Im ready to destroy again. and this time, hopefully its the last time Im playing this stakes, so Im doing my best.

ps: One thing thats annoying me a bit... I thought I was going to die. For real, I really thought, I was ready to die. I went to 2 doctors and both said ''relax, you are ok. I can tell you its 99,9999% sure you are fine''. One of them said its 100% sure Im ok. But I don't believe in anyone, not even in doctors... Plus, if god exist, he hates me, so everything is possible. Its annoying because I have to wait 2 weeks to do exams.. I thought I was going to die, and it is nothing (almost nothing... lets be humble). But IF its nothing, will have a positive effect on me : I lost some weeks annoyed with this thoughts , but because I felt I was dieing, I started giving more value to small things, and if Im 100% healthy, I will stop complaing about little things/regrets/wrong things I did and I guess I will live my life at maximum happinness possible !!

Because I was freaking out with anxity ( waiting weeks to make exams that prove it) so I went to therapy... I don't believe in therapy, that sounds ridiculous, but I was desperate. Guy seems experienced, I like him, but I still think its a waste of time, plus its very expensive, but will give a shot.

By the way, I stop going to gym and running... I don't want feel happy until I see my exam results. being happy now would be like celebrate with AA x KK on A72r. miracles happens... next 2 weeks will be annoying, won't celebrate anything, need to be sure Im ok. sick anxiety !

If you want to play some HU cash, lmk!