Extremely generous offers by both Kelvis and Skuzlad. If i was in your shoes OP,i would snapaccept those guys on their offers and soak up all knowledge they was willing to pour over me.

Having those guys personally giving you feedback on hands you find difficult+ handing you advice and tips, might easily be the most +EV decision you ever made towards your poker dream.

My WR skyrocketed this month so far from all the good advice itt...which I followed. Thanks for the thread, OP.

Reflection

Firstly I would like to apologise if I came across as too arrogant and unwilling to listen. That was never my intention. I just wanted to "make it" and I didn't want anyone to have doubts in me. When people told me of their doubts: that my living expenses are going to eat into my bankroll too rapidly, that my style of play is too high variance, that my mental game is too weak and that I have deeply rooted gambling problems, I was determined to prove them wrong. I wanted to have confidence in myself that I could do it.

But deep down, these thoughts and insecurities were always there. I always had doubts in myself too, but I tried to cover them up by convincing myself that I was a strong player and that I could make it when others had failed. Occassionally, these thoughts would fire up and I'd feel a sense of desperation. The times when I jumped to higher stakes games were usually the times when I had the least confidence in myself, often because of a recent session that went badly, and I had this sense of urgency to reclaim my losses and "get there" as fast as possible. Sometimes, it wasn't even poker losses: I would have a breakeven week, then notice that I'm losing money through food and rent, and the desperation would start to kick in. I tried to control it by repeating to myself that I just need to stick to 1/3 NL and everything would be fine, but sometimes, the irrational part of my brain would take over and I'd find myself sitting in a game that I'm not even remotely rolled for. That was last night, and many other nights too.

Sometimes I just wished I would have $1 million in the bank, so that I could grind whatever games I wanted without worrying about variance or life expenses creeping up on me. It would feel so relaxing to sit down, knowing that I could drop 5 buyins today and it won't have any effect on me at all. But I can't think that way. I can't just dream about unrealistic things like that. I need to just deal with the circumstances I'm in and the circumstances that I'm likely to be in in the near future.

At the end of the day, things could be worse. I could've lost everything. I could be in debt. Whilst it does suck that my shot didn't go to plan, I wasn't disciplined enough to stick to 1/3 NL or put in the hours that I'd planned to put in, things aren't grim yet. I'm grateful that I still have a modest amount of money left to pay for rent and food, pay for the upcoming holiday with my girlfriend, and have a decent small stakes online bankroll to work with.

I'm thankful to everyone who tried to help me along the way. Even though it did hurt to hear so many people doubting me and expecting me to fail, at least I know that most of you had good intentions in the end. The criticisms were usually constructive and helpful.

The journey will still continue, but it will be an online grind from today onwards.

I sent a PM to Kelvis too.

Just remember that no one expected you to fail due to your skill. I think everyone accepted you be a winner psolid winner at 1/3 and as you fazed out a lot of the fancy plays your win rate would increase.

It was only your lack of discipline, bank roll management and game selection that caused people to doubt you.

Mine skyrocketed since OP joined the Zone pool.

Finally you are being honest about your situation. Good progress!

Kudos, for writing up such a self reflecting post and putting it out there. I know that wasnt easy for you, and alot of other posters knows that too. We have all been there with our insecurities,especially in our younger years so you are not alone.

Just also want to touch uppon the part about being rich and having a basically infinite bankroll. That kind of thinking is generally a huge trap from a life perspective. Not solely in poker, but on all aspects in life. Many people (including me when i was in my twenties) is thinking life is gonna be perfect and easy cruising on the highway just when i got that dream job with a premium salary. Or its gonna be so easy when i finally get that 10/10 girlfriend i always have been dreaming of. When i finally can afford to buy myself a 2 door BMW sportscar or a new Mercedes: then my life finally will be perfect. If i finally got that, or if a finally got that....... then, then suddenly my life can begin seriously.

Those kind of thoughts is just a convinient illusion,and it never ends if you start running like an hamster in that metal wheel. No dream job, no amount of money, expensive 4K resolution tv or model girlfriend can ever teach you how to properly know yourself. Those things can never give you rock solid good self esteem or self belief, or get rid of your insecurities inside you. Those things cant make you happy from the inside either over a long period of time,even though everybody gets a shortterm happy rush when we buy a new car or the new 70 inch flatscreen tv that costs a fortune.

Its all a process that needs to go on in its own slow speed, that what i am getting at. If you suddenly got 1 million in your bank account today you still woudnt be ready to play poker fulltime. You still woudnt have anymore experience or knowledge than you have today. Having alot of money available doesent automaticly make you a better player, i know several people that have went into that trap. They bink a big score in some lottery, or one of their parents dies so they suddenly gets access to alot of money: but still they are a losing player at 1/2 NL. Why? Because they havent worked on their game. They havent challenged their insecurities that prevents them from letting their ego go and developing their game learning from better players. Having $50 000 in their bank account doesent make them a winning player,not even close. Things that comes in your hands too easy, often also dissapear easy. Money included. Because you dont appreciate it the appropriate way. Because you havent worked your ass off to get there.

In order to be ready you need to go through the slow process.There is no shortcuts. You got to put in the playing hours, work on your game, listen to advice, reflect on what you are experiencing, tune your game: rinse and repeat. Getting beaten down from your horse again and again,but keep getting up again. That builds character. It builds scars in your hands showing everybody that you are a warrior that is going through battles without stopping. It builds self belief. It builds a strong mindset. It builds thankfulness for even being able to play cards for money. But most importantly, it makes you mentally ready over time to sit in a pokergame, with the expectations of making money because you have developed yourself into a strong skilled longterm winning player. Much more ready than suddenly having 1 million in your bank account would ever make you.

There's honestly no use on giving this guy any more advice or wisdom, I mean there are 122 pages full of it. Let him go back and read all the pages and advice itt, let him learn that things can't be handed to him, let him learn that you have to grind your way up and things don't come easy.

OP already knows what to do he just isn't willing to/can't be bothered to put the hours into the grind.


edit - don't play online, go back to work for a bit, build up a small roll then go back to live, it will be quicker trust me

Says don't give advice...

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gives advice

Epic

I'm glad you finally had this "epiphany" (not really an epiphany but acceptance of things people have been saying for 3000 posts, but w/e). It takes courage to admit your shortcomings and work on them.

I just hope for your sake

A) You have enough roll left for a decent shot at success

B) You actually listen to Kelvis and whoever else will advise you.

C) You review your play critically--look at your HHs as if they're someone else's and ask if this player took the best line. If not, adjust.

D) You stay away from -EV gambling, alcohol, big spending, and seek help for these issues of necessary.

Nobody is perfect. Willingness to deeply analyze your game and make the necessary adjustments is what will give you a chance of success. That and avoiding all forms of degenerate gambling including playing poker beyond your means.

I think playing online is a really bad idea right now. You need immediate income and you probably aren't a big (maybe at all) winning player at 50NL. I mean no offense by this. Online games are just tough these days. I doubt I'd be much of a winner jumping into those games. But from the hands you've posted from Crown those 1/3 and 2/5 games sound ridiculously soft even for live. Seems like the low variance thing to do would be to take out nearly all your online roll (maybe leave a bit to practice microstakes which play a lot like live low stakes) and put it all towards grinding 1/3 NL.

1/3 NL is a game you can beat NOW with a little discipline and patience and start earning income quickly. I'm confident if you took up a nit strat like GG plays you could do quite well with minimal negative variance in these super soft games.

He could outline the full extent of his strategy better than I can and I'm sure he would be willing to do so (just volunteered you as a coach GG

Your live games sound very splashy so I think a nit strat should clean up. It may not be optimal or sexy, but it will win you consistent money and build your bankroll. GG has made 8BB/HR for years playing like this in games I'm fairly certain are tougher than yours. I often disagree with GG's approach but for low bankrolled players who can't afford to ride the variance train I think it's a great option.

+ 1000000000 for Petrucci's last post.

+1 Shai. This post is just another one of good posts you have provided in this thread by the way, nice work.

Agree regarding followin GG nit strat for a while. Infact having a nitty tight ABC strong fundamental game pinned down first is a great foundation for every liveplayer starting out, and something i have argued for years in the LLSNL forum

if you have access to ignition then playing online is perfectly viable imo

feels like playing 1/3 with what remains of bankroll would still be riskier even with a super nitty low variance approach

Do you play live or online? OP has what, 3kish left? Live 1/3 games (especially at Crown it would seem) are so absurdly soft it's very difficult to swing more than a few buyins playing a disciplined solid nit strat.

I'm no expert in online these days but I know OP's edge is going to be much much lower. The critical issue is not so much whether he goes on a 60BI downswing (doubtful if he plays a winning strat) but that he needs to be making income ASAP before his life expenses eat up the remaining roll. With the online learning curve and low edges it could be months before he is earning significant income. And his roll won't last months without income.

Just nitting it up live playing 50 hrs a week OP should be profitable within weeks at most.

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And thanks Petrucci. I often disagree with GG but his strat clearly works at the lowest stakes and would work great for most players as a bankroll builder.

Yup, totally agree Shai.

If i were in OPs shoes with a 3K roll looking to spin that up i would buyin for $200 at the time in the 1/3 game, in order to give myself a few more buyins compared to buying in full for $300.

Play nitty tight abc nutpeddling aka GG strat, with as low variance as possible. On the first few buyins/games i would hit and run a bit too, in order to protect myself from as much variance as possible. So if i bought in for $200, and managed to build that to like $400 or more, i would cash out and take a break, go home to eat dinner or whatever, then come back and buyin for $200 again. Just to keep risk of ruin at the absolute achieveable minimum.

Once i fought my way back to a 5-6 K roll (getting little more elbowroom), i would start buying in for $300 again and be willing to sit longer in the games with a deeper stack without hitting and running all the time. But still be very careful regarding my bankroll/considering how much i would have on the table at risk.

GG has not been winning at 8bb/hr for years. I think it's 7bb total and 4bb over the past few years, or something like that. Please don't start advising anyone to actually play like GG, that is just going too far. Just (slightly) nit up a "normal" TAG style, don't start openfolding everything except aces and kings, which you are limping instead.

Anyway, OP (or any remotely sane person) would never in a million years be capable of being that nitty altogether. It's just not in his dna. You guys are pretending that it's simply a choice to übernit it up. In reality it would drain most people's souls lol.

Sure Homey, OP doesent need to go 110 percent GG strat, but the main takeaways would serve him good with current bankroll being in emergency situation.

OP has no impulse control whatsoever. Hell, he sounds to me to be bipolar. Hes UP one day and DOWN the next. He makes a plan one day and does the opposite the next. Hes being humble today...great! No way he doesn't do something stupid tomorrow.

This is also typical addict behavior. He knows what hes doing is wrong but no matter how many people tell him, he cant help himself.

You finally dropped the ego and delusion and started to focus on reality. You were never a live crusher, otherwise you wouldn't keep getting destroyed in most sessions you played (and judging by your hand histories, it definitely wasn't variance). Live crushers have a majority of winning sessions, with only very occasional big losing sessions. You were the opposite.

You're going to find online far tougher than live, however. You seem to think that watching a bunch of videos will automatically turn you into an online crusher. That's not how it works. If it did, every reg would be crushing the game and playing high stakes.

Anyway, the first step to improvement is accepting where you are right now. You have self reflected, you realize that you're no where near as good as you thought you were, now you can work on improving. The only way is up now. Good luck, I'm rooting for you!

Hey man don't beat yourself up too much, go read the degen stories thread in BBV. You aren't in as big of a hole as you think are. This is mild salsa, not flaming habanero ghost pepper salsa.

Tbh man, if you get a part time job soon and can use that to offset your expenses (hey I cooked breakfast today instead of getting a bomb ass burrito with salsa de crack), you'll be back to playing in less than a couple months.

Just volume the crap out of 1/3. JUST STICK TO 1/3.

1/3 live, 50NL, whatever, stick to something (aka learn some "discipline"). Next, get over the embarrassment you're feeling, and next month start looking for another part time job (2-3 days a week) to augment your play schedule. That'll cover your rent at least. Do not become a burden to your partner and do not back yourself into a desperate corner. You're still learning. Hope you bounce back.

6,

Do exactly this if you want to survive through the next couple months. Truly solid

This doesn't seem like the right environment to be grinding online for a living.

Has anything changed in your living arrangements ?