So, I F@#$ed up again and relapsed. I crushed so hard since starting this and last night I degend again and gave back all of my profits after splitting the cash outs 50/50 :/
I deposited 2k on bovada/ignition. And used terrible BRM again and was short stacking for 50 BB on 2/5 PLO. I was stuck 1k at one point. Got back to even plus a little. I had a 1.2k stack on one table and ended up gii vs the only player that had me crushed.
We got it all on the turn and I had top and middle with 2nd nfd. Villain had top pair and nfd. all in on turn. Way ahead. Of course diamond on river to get scooped. So went from up 100-200 to down 1k. Got tilted and went to BJ
. Embarrassing to admit but after that I lost another couple small pots and was down to 600 and was tilted after losing that big pot. So I took the 600 to BJ and lost the rest of course. F-ing sucks and I'm so pissed at myself. But, I have to tell the truth and hold myself accountable.
Feel free to berate me ITT after I did that.
Obviously I don't have the self discipline for online poker yet. I need to just stick to live and some PPP and build a fat roll until I get the discipline to play online again.
I realized what part of the problem was. I played a 12 hour marathon session saturday night/sunday morning and it screwed up my whole schedule. I'm an addict. I need to write down a schedule for myself and stick to it. I need a routine. I can't play the marathon schedules that mess up my self discipline routine.
From now on I'm sticking to a strict schedule of doing things to build my self discipline muscle and only playing poker only from a set time period from now on, day in and day out. Play from 7pm-3am every day no matter how good the games are. And get on a good sleep schedule and stay on my routine.
This is a pretty ****ty relapse into my degen addiction. But, I still have a decent BR. And this is another lesson learned. Only sticking to my plan and routine from now on, and not deviating from it. And I think I will be fine.
TL;DR: I fell off the wagon an deggened. But, I have tweaked my plan now to keep from doing that again. And I will stick to it. No matter what. No more F-ups!