Glad someone spotted it .

Mini update:

So I'm not usually one for setting goals but I want to start improving my volume. I'm on better meds and start my CBT this week so I'm going to aim to put in 45 hours this week. I don't play weekends so that's 5 nine hour sessions. Should be doable but it's far more than I've been doing than over the past 5-7 weeks.

Any poker sessions:

I played Friday night in the end, got a few messages that the game was good and fired in. Was a fun game with one regular fun player and a couple of random scandi's who were drinking and good action. I was able to book a modest £4K win, I say modest because the £50 double straddle was on most of the night, soooo ship the 80bigs.

As acidhause mentioned in his blog Luke was in and drunk and dropped some absolute gold. Was in a really funny mood. My highlights were him standing over a Dutch semi reg (aka visiting pro) and saying 'this guy thinks he's the best in the game but actually he's awful'. And also describing our relationship to the game of PLO, so for instance he said 'ward loves the game' (ward being me) and then he turned to a punter and said 'and xxx is addicted to the game 😂 top stuff.

Ok mini goal starting this week so will be updating more regularly. Gl all.

So. Unsurprisingly, as a perennial goal failer, I will be most likely fail this goal too.

Monday I felt good, my psychiatrist tells me to do stuff like 'walk to work' - stuff that's easy for most but is a harsh walk of hell for myself - I got in grinded it out for 9 hours and won like £2k and change. Really happy with how I played to be honest, the deck and the situations were doing their best to try and make me do the bean. However, I stayed strong and got some good spots towards the end to turn a definite loss into a small win. The game was pretty damn dry to be honest. Here is an issue with London, there are a lot of regs - most of whom aren't really breaking any boundaries to be honest - but it's a reg heavy community. The fish are fewer and farther between. A lot of pro's come in and if they get in a starter game their approach is basically to not play. They open no hands, leave the table a lot, just do everything as low variance as possible. I mean, look, this is ok but it creates the attitude of a bad game, recs and fish alike can pick up on this vibe. It's off putting. I wish people would worry less, play more normal, embrace some variance - cos ffs it's PLO - and create a better environment.

Tuesday - DISASTER. So Tuesday was a little different. Unlike Monday I woke up feeling kinda terrible. Body was in bits through the panic/stress/anxiety - I tried to commit to my routine etc - however, it didn't feel good. I walked over to Vic, 3 miles + , got there and it was empty as balls. I stuck around for a while and played some little gamble games with some regs but around 5 (at this point I'd been there over 3 hours) there was still no game and I had what I assume was a bad panic attack. It shook me up, made me feel really ill and I had to get out of there.

Wednesday - after little sleep, railing the trump/Clinton presidency with my gf (she's American and like many of us was left very upset) I woke up feeling bad again and had a 10am CBT session. That was 2 hours and was good but my body still felt like s**t. So I decided to go back and spend the day at home. So that leaves the 45 hours looking very unlikely.

I'll wake up tomorrow looking to stay fresh and get in there and get a grind in. Hopefully I can do that and book a win!

Goal Failed Last Week - However...

So last week I failed pretty tremendously in my goal of 45 hours. I'm going to make an excuse and it was simple. My health let me down - at least this is my excuse.

To combat this I tried to do things at the weekend, took the tube, Went for lunch with a friend, Went to sunday roast at my gf's friends house (this was really tough cos it meant missing my beloved redzone. So most of you will read these things and be like 'What a friggin' maniac', and whilst this would be fair for someone like myself who lives with a panic disorder these simple things are extremely challenging.

Er Buddy.. This is a poker forum

This IS a poker forum, so how does the above paragraph relate? Well this week I came to a decision. I have to do everything in my power to try and get in and grind and to ignore or at least battle my physical symptoms hard.

^What's the reason for this?

Simple. London is really, really, really f'ing expensive. I'm not rich, positively busto in fact, so if I'm not working it's really not a good place to be living. I could just go and live at home - I don't want to do this, I'm 29 years old and I've made love to at least one woman - so I don't really feel I'm in the 'living at home' bracket.

Monday 14th November 2017

Classically my underlying anxiety was really abusing my body. I woke up, felt groggy, tense, nervous, nauseous etc...all the fun stuff. The little voice in the back of my head was saying Friends is on - you like Friends don't you - now unashamedly I do enjoy Friends, however, the bigger voice was saying 'No Grind = Manchester', with that terrifying thought in mind I decided to dust myself off and head in to play some poker.

£10/25 PLO

So as usual I was part of a band of 5 of us who try and table start, it was a ****ty game. Me, Flong and 3 other solid regs. An old school legend (so clearly a 2016 spot) rolled in, then another and we have the making of a good game. I was fortunate to raise with good hands and consequently have my cards connect with the flop. I was even more fortunate to then have these hands hold up whilst running it twice and this equalled money. £5500 in fact.

Whale alert

A little birdie had suggested it was wise some of us list for the NL high stakes games. There was a £1k MTT at the Vic and some of the more famous fun players were meant to be in attendance. Low and behold the king of these fun players busted and we started a £25/25 NL. As we'd started the PLO game early in the game all us PLO guys were top of the list and thusly got the seats in this spicy game. It was so pure - the NL players little faces, they wait hours, days, weeks and months for these spots and it was in the clutches of the 4card warriors.

How did I do?

I don't play much NL nowadays to be honest. Actually to be really honest I don't play much at all! I was a little worried about being rusty but I thought I played ok, just solid and was fortunate to make some big hands.

Cheeky HH? Go on then.

So the double straddle was on and the fun player makes it a blind £100 to go UTG. I make it £375 with AJo. Solid reg flats SB and the fun player calls. Flop J85r. Check, fun player leads £600 and I make it £1650 playing like £6k. SB folds and fun player flats. Turn 6x, fun player leads for £3k and we jam for like £1.8k on top. RUN IT ONCE PLEASE - said the fun player, meanwhile I sat there like my god run it twice would be nice. The river rolled off Qx and my AJo was good for a chunk.

The Result

Hey hey! A +£18k night, better than a slap in the bollocks!

Anything about health

So to combat my panic disorder I got admitted onto the NHS CBT programme. I've had a few sessions. We haven't done much practically yet but with what we've spoke about and some of the materials they've given me it's been an extreme eye opener. The future is looking a lot better. The physical symptoms are really bad and it makes everyday and everyday situations a struggle but I believe doing the right things it'll get a lot easier and more manageable over time.

Thank you for reading, Salut!

'grats on the sex!

Congrats on the solid day, I have to admit it was pretty funny seeing your £5/10 PLO game break and within seconds having all the PLO players surrounding him at the new holdem game

As a beta 2-card warrior I enjoyed this story greatly

Really sick day mate! These high stakes games are so fkn juicy - i'm doing it wrong. I'm really happy to hear that you're feeling positive about the CBT work. From what i read, it's a really good sign that you're realistic about your symptoms and the fact it's impossible for them to just dissipate quickly. Take the small victories like managing to leave your house instead of watching friends. Oh and also, sex is the best mental health medicine, do more of that!

Talk about positive thinking!

If it's any help, I would bear in mind that nobody has ever died from a panic attack. At some point it always ends and you go back to your normal happy self

But how much did...



Loving the thread, keep it up and GL with health endeavours.

FAME

Ok - FAME could perhaps be me being a little hyperbolic but I've been having more random players and people approaching me about the blog lately. One reg even said when he was grinding in Commerce over the summer that he had regs there asking him if he knew me because of this blog...

My Concern - I mean at the end of the day I write this for myself but I'm also writing it so people will read, sometimes I hope it's entertaining and sometimes I think it's interesting to be a poker player battling such mental issues. However, the blog is quite open, or very open perhaps and it's a little unsettling knowing that people at the table know so much about my day to day problems.

Solutions - Well I don't think anything drastic is required. I think it's good to bring attention to things like anxiety and panic disorders and I don't mind people knowing my results really - at the end of the day most of us regs have a reasonable idea of how the other players in our games are doing at any given time. I think what I will do is chill out with the critiques and verbals about certain players - albeit in my opinion these are often the most entertaining parts of blogs - and i'll probably try and ease off going into too much in depth strategy - again though, this isn't something I do often or at all really.

Poker Update

So I played both yesterday and Tuesday. Tuesday the NL fun was over and we were back to PLO, I ran good and had some favourable spots in my favour and was able to book and £11k win. Last night was a real grind, was running probably a little below EV in showdown pots and all ins and had to battle all night to breakeven by close, which I was pretty happy with.

Funny Hand

I played a real funky one on tuesday night vs 2 european regs. 6 way limp pot where I've completed out of the blinds with AQT2. Flop Q6Qhh, I lead 25/150, eartern euro reg calls and german reg makes it 125 on the btn, I make it 475 and both call. Turn 7h. I check, eastern euro reg bets like £800 with £2.2k back. German reg, with £1.5k, taannkkss and folds and I jam. Eastern Euro reg sighs and folds. Table instinctively knows I've been a little cheeky and persuades me to show. At the sight of my hand Eastern Euro reg is clearly disheartened, he's folded 66 and German reg explodes with rage as he's folded AQ and didn't like the other regs bet. He starts berating him and just is flabbergasted at his turn play. Some might think it's out of line but I just thought it was so funny, like the poor guy has made a bad turn bet, and he knew he'd made a bad turn mistake and now he's just getting hurled abuse from the German reg. Live poker man...tough business.

Health

So on what was a good week up to yesterday health wise all came crashing down a little yesterday. I decided to walk to the Vic as part of my exposure therapy and it was an ordeal. The walk is about 3 miles, or slightly longer and at the end of it I wasn't a pretty sight. I was really sweaty, exhausted, trembly, was dizzy and finding it hard to keep focus, eventually I had to sit down for a while at marble arch and regain my composure. This kind of made my body go into shut down mode and as a result I was really uncomfortable all session, having some pretty bad digestive issues in particular. Pretty unpleasant .

So as of now I'm unsure of my plan today. I have some stuff to catch up on before going to America this weekend and tbh i'm feeling quite unwell from the get go today so it's unlikely I'll play.

However games have been good this week so if i'm feeling stronger by the evening there is a good chance I head in and try and keep the heat going.

how tf does he fold 66...

Yeah

This hand was an example of why live poker can be fun because the scope for exploitable play is so huge.

For example: online I'm never taking this line.

However live I think one of my strengths is manipulating decisions in relation to gameflow. So in this spot the German clearly folded a Q and i know that this other reg, with the way his session had been going and how his results had been lately, didn't want to be calling off in a situation where he could have 0-1% equity.

Howdy Y'all

So this week I'm bringing the blog live to y'all from Donald Trump's United States of America. I'm currently chilling out in Washington DC - which is beautiful by the way - and then I'm going to head up to Philadelphia with my Gf to go and do Thanksgiving with her family.

The drive from Wash to Philly is a hearty one so I figured this would be as good a time as any to crack out a new blog post.

Grind Citttyy

So for whatever reason - I genuinely don't remember - I decided to not go and grind on Thursday. In my current infinite run good it sounded like there wasn't much of a game and thusly nothing to be sad about missing.

Friday - intelligence suggested there was a ticking time bomb of a great game that was planned to happen early Friday afternoon. The Problem - I got up outta bed at 1pm. I showered and dashed straight to the casino and managed to nab the last seat in a really good line up #RunGoodIsReal.

This is donk - Repeat...This.Is.Donk

Anyone who has played poker with me over the past 10 years knows that I'm not the best player at playing from behind. To combat this I try and stick to pretty strict stop losses. I also enjoy playing deep tho - catch 22 - the issue is when these collide on one hand it creates a weird dynamic. I encountered this with the first hand of my session on Friday's session. I basically got into a spot when I should have been squeezing a decent KKxx hand pre for high monies against a range of spewy opponents who were cold calling and blasting money into the pot pre flop. I didn't - why? - because it was my first hand of the session and I didn't want to risk hitting my stop loss straight away - stupid. What's more stupid however, is live poker and in my current run good playing the hand poorly enabled me to get away fairly cheap in a spot where playing correctly would have got me stacked. Warning: this logic although positive is stupid and nonsensical.

The Kicker...

After that hand I settled into my groove and played a bunch of feisty pots against the fun player including calling him down super light for some decent sized pots. I wasn't at my best to be honest, was too spewy and played a few too many hands but all it all it was a good pre holiday session and I banked a £5k win to top off a Monster Week

The road ahead

Yeah so for the rest of this week poker will be very much on the back burner for this guy. I'm in the States till the weekend and then will be back on the grind horse on Monday, looking to hit it hard before the Xmas break.

I'm gonna give a few shout outs for a change:

Firstly if anyone hasn't seen it yet check out my buddy Jake's video blog: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GY_u1mAmxr8.

- I think Jake has been learning all this editing stuff from scratch so the quality of what he's producing is crazy impressive. It's also sick and admirable that he's still got a huge love for the game despite the high amounts of success he's had. Watching this pilot just made me feel more positive about poker and what a privilege it is to be a poker player for a living.

Finally a shout out to a fellow grinder and all round good guy Ben 'Dr Anubis' Phillips who boss manned his was to shipping the Sunday Million yesterday. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy and just a sick, sick score.

All right, that's it, be good y'all.

like 90% of the time+ 66 is dead in that spot. live plo plays super passive / nutty.

Real question is how the button is not jamming the flop.

Quads are all but impossible by the overcall and we block Q6 obv.

Large percentage of the time we get it in 3 ways with our opponents blocking some amount of each other's outs.

Very Small percentage of the time were jamming dead.

can't raise in live plo without the nuts it's against the rules

I can easily have 66, btn flat is probably fine imo

Shoot, I meant 66 should have jammed flop

Hi posting for sub


I might move to london. If so, I will be playing more live, cause fk stars. Hope to meet you!

Anyway, you say you are broke, but 10/25pounds is a pretty big game for a broke player I'll be playing smaller. I guess I'm super broke then, cause im 31 and will most likely be grinding the 1k tables.

Anyways, best of luck, and I'm eager to read more.

when u flopped trips it did not appear u made a full boat on flop or turn, unless im misreading. when u came over the top on the turn(three hearts, flush is now possible) did u have the nut flush or just trips?

Just had trips with the bare Ah.

Yo Kelnel. How are you bro?

Shame we haven't battled any 5card for a while.

Hurts me to hear more good regs are heading to London but will be great to meet ya.

Broke - it's all relative right.

I still havnt figured out who you are on PS but yea I've been focusing on zoom PLO these days. Will be back for sure at the 5cards eventually though - there is no staying away from this game

Im doing good - living in thailand, training BJJ hard. But I miss live poker, and all these online news are depressing. I want to get back into live poker. Ive been playing quite a bit in Macau and I'm getting the live poker bug back. So I'm seriously considering London

cheers, and gl for this end of month

Also planning on heading over in next year or two. What's the best casino/room to get regular 2/5 and higher action at?