Wow, this thread is so cluttered with terrible advise it's tilting.
My advise would be to ditch all the advise you got here and stick to the professional advise lol.
Despite what a large % of the population still seem to think.. mental ilness is very real and is not something you can simply "get over" if you put your mind to it.

Thanks for the input all particularly re: health. I do take all the opinions and information on board. My GF probably prefers it even more than me, she's all I told you so or I'm gonna f**k this clown up (re: rayden).

However, this is a poker blog. It may be wise that I quit poker for life, cold turkey, rejoin the world but for now I play the great game of PLO - as ChicagoJoey would say and so let's see a bit of that eh.

So live poker can suck a D right now. Tbh I've def played my last 20 hours off A game. Perhaps that's been health worries, lack of focus etc but there are no excuses. In the battlefield we gotta just be playing each hand to the best of our ability. Had some really tough spots last night in a £7.5k loss.

I had this hand where I open btn to £90 QT88dd. SB - ok, solid reg, don't think he'll get outta line vs me but he should be capable, flat and straddle flats. Flop a beauty J83ccs. TWO CLUBS ONE SPADE - for those incapable of reading HHs. Checks over to me, I bet £150, SB calls and HU to 9s turn. J839sscc. yum yum. Check 575 from me, call. Interesting eh. River 3x zoom zoom zoom. Check, I bet £1375 - hate this sizing. Now this darn mofo rips a C/R to £4300. waahhhhhhhttt?! Anyway, luls live poker and I think this guy just doesnt have the game or the cojones to be pulling a move on the old infestus so I make a tilt fold. Pain was real. Any thoughts tho? All appreciated.

Enough with the wall of text - show us HHs
PokerStars - $5 PL Hi FAST (6 max) - Omaha Hi - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: $1,785.24 (VPIP: 33.80, PFR: 20.79, 3Bet Preflop: 9.52, Hands: 1,725)
SB: $710.92 (VPIP: 29.67, PFR: 20.33, 3Bet Preflop: 10.26, Hands: 186)
Hero (BB): $1,097.23
UTG: $709.31 (VPIP: 30.15, PFR: 18.36, 3Bet Preflop: 9.80, Hands: 3,283)
MP: $559.50 (VPIP: 26.70, PFR: 15.84, 3Bet Preflop: 5.15, Hands: 226)
CO: $223.12 (VPIP: 24.21, PFR: 14.72, 3Bet Preflop: 4.51, Hands: 735)

SB posts SB $2.50, Hero posts BB $5.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $7.50) Hero has A 3 A 9

fold, fold, fold, BTN raises to $17.50, fold, Hero raises to $55.00, BTN calls $37.50

Flop: ($112.50, 2 players) 2 T 5
Hero bets $55.00, BTN calls $55.00

Turn: ($222.50, 2 players) 5
Hero bets $120.00, BTN raises to $291.63, Hero calls $171.63

River: ($805.76, 2 players) 3
Hero checks, BTN bets $802.76, Hero calls $695.60 and is all-in

BTN shows 6 7 T 9 (Two Pair, Tens and Fives)
(Pre 38%, Flop 32%, Turn 5%)
Hero shows A 3 A 9 (Two Pair, Aces and Fives)
(Pre 62%, Flop 68%, Turn 95%)
Hero wins $2,193.96

Vs MDU... I mean he's good, he bluffs a lot and I have AA. Gimme dat money.
PokerStars - $5 PL Hi FAST (6 max) - Omaha Hi - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: $506.52 (VPIP: 25.00, PFR: 16.67, 3Bet Preflop: 0.00, Hands: 12)
SB: $1,010.50 (VPIP: 24.55, PFR: 16.90, 3Bet Preflop: 5.34, Hands: 1,008)
BB: $351.53 (VPIP: 19.91, PFR: 11.86, 3Bet Preflop: 4.49, Hands: 454)
Hero (UTG): $611.20
MP: $801.90 (VPIP: 34.67, PFR: 21.05, 3Bet Preflop: 8.63, Hands: 331)
CO: $1,019.30 (VPIP: 18.68, PFR: 10.34, 3Bet Preflop: 2.90, Hands: 350)

SB posts SB $2.50, BB posts BB $5.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $7.50) Hero has Q 6 Q A

Hero raises to $17.50, MP calls $17.50, CO calls $17.50, BTN raises to $95.00, fold, fold, Hero calls $77.50, MP calls $77.50, CO calls $77.50

Flop: ($387.50, 4 players) Q 4 3
Hero bets $384.50, fold, CO raises to $769.00, fold, Hero calls $131.70 and is all-in

Turn: ($1,419.90, 2 players) 4

River: ($1,419.90, 2 players) 5
Players agreed to run it twice.

Turn #2: ($1,419.90, 2 players) T

River #2: ($1,419.90, 2 players) Q

Hero shows Q 6 Q A (Full House, Queens full of Fours)
Board #1 (Pre 67%, Flop 49%, Turn 100%)
(Four of a Kind, Queens)
Board #2 (Pre 68%, Flop 49%, Turn 23%)

CO shows 3 2 A 5 (Straight, Five High)
Board #1 (Pre 33%, Flop 51%, Turn 0%)
(Flush, Ace High)
Board #2 (Pre 32%, Flop 51%, Turn 78%)

Hero wins $708.45
Hero wins $708.45

Omaha is stupid.
PokerStars - $5 PL Hi FAST (6 max) - Omaha Hi - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: $594.50 (VPIP: 19.05, PFR: 14.29, 3Bet Preflop: 0.00, Hands: 21)
Hero (SB): $500.00
BB: $677.56 (VPIP: 29.96, PFR: 18.21, 3Bet Preflop: 6.54, Hands: 2,909)
UTG: $1,399.49 (VPIP: 10.53, PFR: 5.26, 3Bet Preflop: 0.00, Hands: 97)
MP: $500.00 (VPIP: 29.94, PFR: 15.92, 3Bet Preflop: 2.94, Hands: 158)
CO: $1,185.04 (VPIP: 38.95, PFR: 19.19, 3Bet Preflop: 7.69, Hands: 173)

Hero posts SB $2.50, BB posts BB $5.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $7.50) Hero has 6 7 5 Q

fold, MP raises to $14.90, fold, fold, Hero raises to $49.70, BB calls $44.70, MP calls $34.80

Flop: ($149.10, 3 players) 6 2 5
Hero bets $110.00, fold, MP calls $110.00

Turn: ($369.10, 2 players) 3
Hero bets $340.30 and is all-in, MP calls $340.30 and is all-in

River: ($1,049.70, 2 players) K
Players agreed to run it twice.

River #2: ($1,049.70, 2 players) 5

Hero shows 6 7 5 Q (Two Pair, Sixes and Fives)

Board #1 Main Pot [$1,049.70]: (Pre 37%, Flop 64%, Turn 78%) (Full House, Fives full of Sixes)

Board #2 Main Pot [$1,049.70]: (Pre 37%, Flop 64%, Turn 78%)

MP shows Q A Q 3 (One Pair, Queens)

Board #1 Main Pot [$1,049.70]: (Pre 62%, Flop 36%, Turn 23%) (Two Pair, Queens and Fives)

Board #2 Main Pot [$1,049.70]: (Pre 63%, Flop 36%, Turn 23%)

Hero wins $523.35
Hero wins $523.35

wat...
PokerStars - $5 PL Hi FAST (6 max) - Omaha Hi - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: $1,104.61 (VPIP: 30.31, PFR: 15.54, 3Bet Preflop: 2.38, Hands: 394)
SB: $495.00 (VPIP: 14.57, PFR: 9.45, 3Bet Preflop: 1.71, Hands: 257)
BB: $746.09 (VPIP: 34.40, PFR: 21.60, 3Bet Preflop: 8.62, Hands: 126)
Hero (UTG): $796.52
MP: $1,826.11 (VPIP: 14.63, PFR: 10.16, 3Bet Preflop: 1.03, Hands: 250)
CO: $609.66 (VPIP: 39.47, PFR: 24.39, 3Bet Preflop: 8.85, Hands: 458)

SB posts SB $2.50, BB posts BB $5.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $7.50) Hero has J T 7 9

Hero raises to $17.50, MP raises to $60.00, fold, fold, fold, fold, Hero calls $42.50

Flop: ($127.50, 2 players) 9 8 K
Hero checks, MP bets $87.50, Hero raises to $387.00, MP raises to $1,285.50, Hero calls $349.52 and is all-in

Turn: ($1,600.54, 2 players) 6

River: ($1,600.54, 2 players) 6

Hero shows J T 7 9 (Straight, Ten High)
(Pre 40%, Flop 35%, Turn 0%)
MP shows A K 8 J (Flush, Ace High)
(Pre 60%, Flop 65%, Turn 100%)
MP wins $1,597.54

this is why i'm a fish...embarrasingly bad
PokerStars - $5 PL Hi FAST (6 max) - Omaha Hi - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: $796.82 (VPIP: 34.48, PFR: 13.79, 3Bet Preflop: 0.00, Hands: 30)
SB: $742.43 (VPIP: 24.62, PFR: 17.21, 3Bet Preflop: 5.75, Hands: 1,069)
Hero (BB): $500.00
UTG: $766.29
MP: $865.20 (VPIP: 35.00, PFR: 25.00, 3Bet Preflop: 0.00, Hands: 21)
CO: $671.68 (VPIP: 21.94, PFR: 13.55, 3Bet Preflop: 5.91, Hands: 473)

SB posts SB $2.50, Hero posts BB $5.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $7.50) Hero has 3 J J 2

fold, MP raises to $17.50, fold, BTN calls $17.50, fold, Hero calls $12.50

Flop: ($55.00, 3 players) 8 7 J
Hero checks, MP checks, BTN checks

Turn: ($55.00, 3 players) 4
Hero bets $33.17, MP raises to $151.76, BTN raises to $540.70, Hero calls $449.33 and is all-in, fold

River: ($1,171.76, 2 players) 6
Players agreed to run it twice.

River #2: ($1,171.76, 2 players) 2

Hero shows 3 J J 2 (Three of a Kind, Jacks)
Board #1 (Pre 43%, Flop 37%, Turn 25%)
(Three of a Kind, Jacks)
Board #2 (Pre 44%, Flop 37%, Turn 25%)

BTN shows K T 9 Q (Straight, Jack High)
Board #1 (Pre 57%, Flop 63%, Turn 75%)
(Straight, Jack High)
Board #2 (Pre 56%, Flop 63%, Turn 75%)

BTN wins $584.38
BTN wins $584.38

lol owned

Bonus hand:
PokerStars - $2 PL Hi FAST (6 max) - Omaha Hi - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: $449.75 (VPIP: 32.99, PFR: 20.56, 3Bet Preflop: 11.86, Hands: 1,167)
Hero (SB): $307.05
BB: $375.42 (VPIP: 28.36, PFR: 16.64, 3Bet Preflop: 4.31, Hands: 535)
UTG: $218.11 (VPIP: 29.74, PFR: 16.21, 3Bet Preflop: 3.55, Hands: 1,025)
MP: $243.50 (VPIP: 25.45, PFR: 16.36, 3Bet Preflop: 4.55, Hands: 55)
CO: $643.55 (VPIP: 30.19, PFR: 18.42, 3Bet Preflop: 9.90, Hands: 3,419)

Hero posts SB $1.00, BB posts BB $2.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $3.00) Hero has A A 6 K

fold, fold, fold, fold, Hero raises to $6.00, BB raises to $18.00, Hero raises to $54.00, BB calls $36.00

Flop: ($108.00, 2 players) Q 2 4
Hero checks, BB bets $29.47, Hero calls $29.47

Turn: ($166.94, 2 players) 7
Hero checks, BB bets $67.31, Hero calls $67.31

River: ($301.56, 2 players) J
Hero checks, BB bets $224.64 and is all-in, Hero calls $156.27 and is all-in

BB shows J A K T (One Pair, Jacks)
(Pre 32%, Flop 10%, Turn 0%)
Hero shows A A 6 K (One Pair, Aces)
(Pre 68%, Flop 90%, Turn 100%)
Hero wins $611.35

Soooo I don't fold AA it seems..
PokerStars - $2 PL Hi FAST (6 max) - Omaha Hi - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: $200.00 (VPIP: 27.39, PFR: 15.18, 3Bet Preflop: 4.58, Hands: 651)
SB: $380.57 (VPIP: 16.67, PFR: 8.33, 3Bet Preflop: 0.00, Hands: 24)
Hero (BB): $446.50
UTG: $244.53 (VPIP: 29.00, PFR: 17.47, 3Bet Preflop: 4.68, Hands: 544)
MP: $476.82 (VPIP: 37.94, PFR: 21.28, 3Bet Preflop: 5.34, Hands: 289)
CO: $295.39 (VPIP: 31.95, PFR: 21.12, 3Bet Preflop: 12.12, Hands: 570)

SB posts SB $1.00, Hero posts BB $2.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $3.00) Hero has A 4 T K

fold, fold, CO raises to $7.00, fold, fold, Hero raises to $22.00, CO calls $15.00

Flop: ($45.00, 2 players) 7 K 4
Hero bets $24.00, CO calls $24.00

Turn: ($93.00, 2 players) 9
Hero checks, CO bets $90.25, Hero raises to $361.00, CO calls $159.14 and is all-in

River: ($591.78, 2 players) 6

Hero shows A 4 T K (Two Pair, Kings and Fours)
(Pre 54%, Flop 89%, Turn 63%)
CO shows T J Q 8 (Straight, Ten High)
(Pre 46%, Flop 11%, Turn 38%)
CO wins $589.03

This line....feels bad man.

Aight so there it is. I little PLO and poker content.

Will likely keep up the good fight live this week, try and turn the tide. Except for tomorrow when I'm in with the neurologist....looking to fade death..

Can we run it twice?

It's been 4/5 days in the abyss. I haven't touched a card, having flung any chips, my Pokerstars has been quiet, purring, enjoying a sleep. I've been living, or trying to live, outside the box of the poker world.

So 10 days into this brisk Autumn month of October I've only stuck 3 sessions on the board. Currently chilling out on -£12k for the month. Not ideal. I think I've been playing ok, usually I know when I've let some demons sneak in and affect my play but I really have just been on the cold end of a few meaty all ins. I think my last live sessions was on wednesday night. I played pretty solid, things were going well but then got into a fairly gross set over set cooler vs the fun player for big money and that was kinda all she wrote.

I think I'll make a triumphant return to the live felt today, either in tournament or cash game form. There is a £1k (monthly £1k) @ the vic today, friends who played it last time out told me it was really, really soft. I think my tournament game is kinda like a challenge tour tennis player. I'm solid, hitting the right shots, playing above the rim that would be attainable from an amateur but I'm not up amongst it, swinging it with the big boy like I would in cash. I guess I'll decide when I walk through the pearly gates and see what titans are sat in the cash arena.

So those who read this blog frequently will know that last Wednesday I was at my neurologist. During the exam he told me he wanted me to get a precautionary MRI brain scan. As luck would have it (is it luck when it costs the bean?) there was actually a slot open that they at the imaging centre near by. £1000 ....oooffff. Anyway, I paid my cheddar and took my medicine. Being in an MRI is pretty weird and disorientating. It's really loud and I could see how it'd be easy to panic. This year through some health issues I have been meditating daily. Within that MRI machine I realised some of this meditation paying off. I wasn't really loving it in there and could feel myself getting worked up, tried to relax, counted my breaths etc and was able to calm down. I go and get my results today, in 2 hours. I'm nervous, as many would be. I've had my symptoms for a year now and they haven't subsided. The neurologists said he didn't have a great concern however, that I would have anything seriously wrong but either way, I'm looking to win a big flip today and run good when it matters.

Outside of that I didn't do a great deal with my time off, I wasn't feeling well really at all from Wednesday to today, perhaps the anxiety of not having poker to fill my time, particularly when I wasn't feeling well? I did however finish my first fiction book for many years, which is quite a sad stat. I've read a ton of non fiction in the past 12 months but all my fiction pieces I tend to just end up starting and then putting down at some point. The book was A Little Life by Hanya Yanigahara. Really powerful writing , would highly recommend it for those who haven't already read.

Keeping positive vibes, gonna fade these results, get the all clear and get back to relieving mofo's of their chips.

Peace.

Wishing you all the best.

Really rooting for you.

Great post like always.

Gonna read the hands. Thinking about playing a month straight of online PLO too see how I do, improve my game, etc.

Also those comments, jeez. If you guys know nothing about mental illness beyond one or two anecdotal experiences then stfu. You know sample bias right? Drugs work for some people, don't work for others, but clearly those who used it but didn't need it are more likely to talk about their experiences than those who used it and needed it, especially those who still use it, therefore you only hear anecdotal experience from people who didn't need them.

Tons of people use them and need them and benefit from them but wouldn't tell anyone about it, that's why you only hear the negative stories. If you ask how come nobody you know had good experience, but so many of mine have, then I'm just going to straight up tell you probably because none of them trust you to not judge them for it so they hide it from you.

And this comes from someone who never needed to be on drugs long term and is very happy about it. Everyone is different, and everyone's needs are different. I've known plenty of people who have been on drugs for months to a year and was awful, and then eventually they managed to change drugs and found the ones that allowed them to live happily and be themselves more of the time.

Also want to reiterate the point said above: you think poker is tough on mental illness? You think other jobs aren't?? I've known plenty of extremely intelligent and capable people who've had to drop out of uni or "normal" jobs in the past because of mental illness, many of whom eventually found therapy and/or drugs that help them and are now doing well.

For me personally, poker is WAY better than a 9-5 (or 9-9 as I hear it now often is) because I need a lot of rest and sometimes I am not functioning enough to work, and poker allows me the freedom to get rest and choose when I work. People just don't realise what benefits being a good poker player allow until they lose it or get a job.

Big Hei as always. Hope ya feel better today after last night.

Good luck!

When the result backs up your chat game:

PokerStars Zoom Hand #159910685289: Omaha Pot Limit ($1/$2) - 2016/10/14 11:38:27 WET [2016/10/14 6:38:27 ET]
Table 'Diotima' 6-max Seat #1 is the button
Seat 1: Infestus176 ($250.15 in chips)
Seat 2: delyoda ($200 in chips)
Seat 3: AntonAnd20 ($200 in chips)
Seat 4: Ry_shark89 ($524.26 in chips)
Seat 5: NinoPino ($354.55 in chips)
Seat 6: Fregvibrat ($207.34 in chips)
delyoda: posts small blind $1
AntonAnd20: posts big blind $2
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Infestus176 [4c 8h Tc 9d]
Ry_shark89: folds
NinoPino: folds
Fregvibrat: folds
Infestus176: raises $3.32 to $5.32
delyoda: folds
AntonAnd20: calls $3.32
*** FLOP *** [9h 4d Qh]
AntonAnd20: checks
Infestus176: bets $8.84
AntonAnd20: raises $28.74 to $37.58
Infestus176: calls $28.74
*** TURN *** [9h 4d Qh] [8d]
AntonAnd20: bets $84.05
Infestus176 said, "i could be veyr behind here"
Infestus176 said, "but you should have pair +nfd"
Infestus176: raises $123.20 to $207.25 and is all-in
AntonAnd20: calls $73.05 and is all-in
Uncalled bet ($50.15) returned to Infestus176
*** FIRST RIVER *** [9h 4d Qh 8d] [6d]
*** SECOND RIVER *** [9h 4d Qh 8d] [3d]
*** FIRST SHOW DOWN ***
AntonAnd20: shows [Ah 4h Th 5s] (a pair of Fours)
Infestus176: shows [4c 8h Tc 9d] (two pair, Nines and Eights)
Infestus176 collected $199.13 from pot
*** SECOND SHOW DOWN ***
AntonAnd20: shows [Ah 4h Th 5s] (a pair of Fours)
Infestus176: shows [4c 8h Tc 9d] (two pair, Nines and Eights)
Infestus176 collected $199.12 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $401 | Rake $2.75
Hand was run twice
FIRST Board [9h 4d Qh 8d 6d]
SECOND Board [9h 4d Qh 8d 3d]
Seat 1: Infestus176 (button) showed [4c 8h Tc 9d] and won ($199.13) with two pair, Nines and Eights, and won ($199.12) with two pair, Nines and Eights
Seat 2: delyoda (small blind) folded before Flop
Seat 3: AntonAnd20 (big blind) showed [Ah 4h Th 5s] and lost with a pair of Fours, and lost with a pair of Fours
Seat 4: Ry_shark89 folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 5: NinoPino folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 6: Fregvibrat folded before Flop (didn't bet

sub.Hope you get ok

Cliffs: diagnosed with panic disorder, will play less poker (at least live poker) whilst I work at getting better.

So I'm sure most will skim over this as it'll be a little too long didn't read as it'll be a bit of a wall of text but I have a lot to catch up on, so here we go.

So poker hasn't been that great lately. Nothing too painful, little downswing but have booked back to back losing weeks at the Vic. I've played pretty much A game the whole time, so I haven't been disheartened. It's tough in live poker because the big pots are more infrequent and thusly carry a feeling of being super important. Technically they are, winning a bunch of your biggest all in's over a year will be there difference between £100k+ swings at the stakes I play.

I think I'll have a little break from live poker. Perhaps not for super long, perhaps for a while. Heading back to Manchester, the motherland, for a while. Get away from the hustle and bustle of London for a while.

For many who read regularly you'll know that I've suffered with my health and in particular my mental health this year.

On Monday I got my brain scan results back and low and behold it was clear as day (except for a totally harmless cyst), funnily enough the neurologist broke the good news to me saying 'in poker terms you've got a full house'...funny guy.

I started some serotonin medication and reacted super badly to it. On Thursday I ended up hospitalised on the back of a huge panic attack. It was without doubt the worst day of my life. I was taken off the drugs and diagnosed with having a severe panic disorder. So after 10 months of countless tests, bloods given and scans it's boiled down to what I guess most knew, I had a mental illness.

That said a panic disorder is something that is pretty grim to live with and can really destroy my quality of life (something I've experienced this year). I'll be starting a course of CBT, I've been accepted for treatment and am now on an NHS waitlist.

So what have I learnt. Well this year I've played the best poker of my life, it's funny as they say, these illnesses cannot actually harm you. The brain will function as strong as it can. However it's taught me how powerful the brain can be. I never imagined in my deepest dreams that I could be made to feel as physically bad as I have this year on the back of my brain.

To give an example. I get the tube, I'll have a panic attack, I sit in a restaurant, I'll have a panic attack, in Euston today, I had a panic attack. I have to learn to manage the panic and the CBT will aid that.

I spent my whole life obsessed with playing the best poker I could and playing the highest stakes possible that I could reach. I balanced this through socialising and occasional cardio/eating well. Not once did I consider what it was doing to my mental well being.

Therefore my advice would be this, poker is a great game, it's offered so many of us on this forum a chance to have a different and exciting life not many of us could imagine, particularly those of us from humble backgrounds. However, it's a game that will always weigh on you mentally. Not just the monetary and emotional swings but everything about it. The hours of sitting, the being in unhealthy environments like casinos with air and Windows, the bad sleep patterns and tough working hours. So it's of upmost importance that throughout it all you keep an eye on your mental state, pull back and take breaks when you're overwhelmed. Keep in mind that balance off the table is equally as important as being balanced on the table.

For those who got through it. Thanks for reading.

BigA.

So what is your plan?

Plan going forward will be health > poker.

I don't want to say anything too drastic and say I'm quitting poker or anything like that but I'll be focusing more on looking into my mental health and trying to get better. If that involves some time outside of poker then so be it.

I'm sure if I'm feeling better I'll go in and play the live games and may play some lower online to pass the time whilst I'm outside of London.

Someone wrote in much earlier in the thread (might have been shipit2kg) 'I need to put way more emphasis on my health' - poker (live poker at least) will be beatable for a while, just gotta be healthy and alive to beat it .

I think I would advise to be more clear as to what your plan actually is so you can be focused on actually getting better because just saying I will try to get better without any sort of plan usually is recipe for failure, you can write it here or in a book or something but yeah, establish a clear plan of the things you are going to do with the end goal in mind

Hope you get better soon enough, good luck buddy

what I mean is, what kind of diet is he going to follow so he can carefully plan his meals, what time is he going to go to the gym, what part of his body is he going to train, like specific plan so that you stay on track toward your goal

obviously anything medical he's going to have to do it with a professional, I was more talking about the natural side of thing that can help out along with whatever treatment

and I don't want to know his plan fwiw, just want him to write it down so he knows exactly what he's going to do

Hey guys.

So since I last posted I have been back in Manchester, relaxing. I realised how much I missed the north, for all that London has to offer I miss the parks and nature available in the part of Manchester where I come from. I've been able to take long walks down by the river each day, people are friendlier, when you go to a shop/cafe etc everyone isn't super rushed or visibly steamed that you have the audacity to be ordering something, they engage with you, chat, are interested in serving you well and asking how your day is going etc. It's nice!

Anyway enough with me bigging up the North, let's talk a little poker.

So I've been on a hiatus from live poker. I've played a little bit on Stars and it's been enjoyable. Online is mentally challenging but playing way lower stakes than I'm used to is super relaxing on the mind from a monetary point of view. I actually find I almost relish being down a few stacks online and enjoy continuing the battle to play A game whilst running poorly in sessions. I've always heard people suggest it's easier to tilt online than live but I would argue the opposite. Online I get feeling 'ah ok, down a few stacks but standard hands and at least I'm getting some volume in', whereas live it's like 'sigh, what an incredibly tilting hand to lose to for such a large amount of money and now I have to look at this total moron reg thinking he's a genius for playing his hand remotely standard'.

Anyway I digress. A few big winners and losers:

PokerStars - $5 PL Hi FAST (6 max) - Omaha Hi - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: $1,315.52 (VPIP: 42.53, PFR: 23.64, 3Bet Preflop: 6.33, Hands: 900)
SB: $500.00 (VPIP: 25.44, PFR: 16.61, 3Bet Preflop: 6.18, Hands: 4,529)
BB: $1,317.85 (VPIP: 26.97, PFR: 15.90, 3Bet Preflop: 8.02, Hands: 922)
UTG: $1,952.77 (VPIP: 29.70, PFR: 17.48, 3Bet Preflop: 7.84, Hands: 1,368)
Hero (MP): $502.87
CO: $171.90 (VPIP: 13.04, PFR: 13.04, 3Bet Preflop: 0.00, Hands: 24)

SB posts SB $2.50, BB posts BB $5.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $7.50) Hero has T 9 J 7

fold, Hero raises to $17.50, CO calls $17.50, BTN calls $17.50, SB raises to $92.50, fold, Hero calls $75.00, CO calls $75.00, BTN calls $75.00

Flop: ($375.00, 4 players) 3 Q K
SB bets $372.00, Hero raises to $410.37 and is all-in, CO calls $79.40 and is all-in, BTN raises to $782.37, SB calls $35.50 and is all-in

Turn: ($1,682.64, 4 players) 9

River: ($1,682.64, 4 players) 5
Players agreed to run it twice.

Turn #2: ($1,682.64, 4 players) 5

River #2: ($1,682.64, 4 players) J

Hero shows T 9 J 7 (Flush, Queen High)

Board #1 Main Pot [$692.60]: (Pre 26%, Flop 41%, Turn 69%)
Board #1 Side Pot#1 [$984.30]: (Pre 34%, Flop 45%, Turn 72%)
Board #1 Side Pot#2 [$5.74]: (Pre 38%, Flop 52%, Turn 78%)
Board #1 Main Pot [$692.60]: (Pre 26%, Flop 41%, Turn 69%) (Straight, King High)

Board #2 Main Pot [$692.60]: (Pre 27%, Flop 41%, Turn 34%)
Board #1 Side Pot#1 [$984.30]: (Pre 34%, Flop 45%, Turn 72%) (Straight, King High)

Board #2 Side Pot#1 [$984.30]: (Pre 27%, Flop 45%, Turn 36%)
Board #1 Side Pot#2 [$5.74]: (Pre 38%, Flop 52%, Turn 78%) (Straight, King High)

Board #2 Side Pot#2 [$5.74]: (Pre 27%, Flop 52%, Turn 45%)

BTN shows Q Q 5 5 (Three of a Kind, Queens)

Board #1 Main Pot [$692.60]: (Pre 17%, Flop 46%, Turn 25%)
Board #1 Side Pot#1 [$984.30]: (Pre 23%, Flop 47%, Turn 22%)
Board #1 Side Pot#2 [$5.74]: (Pre 62%, Flop 48%, Turn 23%)
Board #1 Main Pot [$692.60]: (Pre 17%, Flop 46%, Turn 25%) (Three of a Kind, Queens)

Board #2 Main Pot [$692.60]: (Pre 18%, Flop 46%, Turn 31%)
Board #1 Side Pot#1 [$984.30]: (Pre 23%, Flop 47%, Turn 22%) (Three of a Kind, Queens)

Board #2 Side Pot#1 [$984.30]: (Pre 18%, Flop 47%, Turn 58%)
Board #1 Side Pot#2 [$5.74]: (Pre 62%, Flop 48%, Turn 23%) (Three of a Kind, Queens)

Board #2 Side Pot#2 [$5.74]: (Pre 18%, Flop 48%, Turn 55%)

SB shows A A J K (One Pair, Aces)

Board #1 Main Pot [$692.60]: (Pre 36%, Flop 10%, Turn 6%)
Board #1 Side Pot#1 [$984.30]: (Pre 44%, Flop 9%, Turn 6%)
Board #1 Main Pot [$692.60]: (Pre 36%, Flop 10%, Turn 6%) (Two Pair, Kings and Jacks)

Board #2 Main Pot [$692.60]: (Pre 36%, Flop 10%, Turn 6%)
Board #1 Side Pot#1 [$984.30]: (Pre 44%, Flop 9%, Turn 6%) (Two Pair, Kings and Jacks)

Board #2 Side Pot#1 [$984.30]: (Pre 36%, Flop 9%, Turn 6%)

CO shows 6 7 4 6 (Flush, Queen High)

Board #1 Main Pot [$692.60]: (Pre 20%, Flop 2%, Turn 0%)
Board #1 Main Pot [$692.60]: (Pre 20%, Flop 2%, Turn 0%) (One Pair, Sixes)

Board #2 Main Pot [$692.60]: (Pre 20%, Flop 2%, Turn 28%)

Hero wins $839.82
Hero wins $839.82

PokerStars - $5 PL Hi FAST (6 max) - Omaha Hi - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: $1,669.80 (VPIP: 33.07, PFR: 16.54, 3Bet Preflop: 7.19, Hands: 394)
SB: $389.26 (VPIP: 17.30, PFR: 10.92, 3Bet Preflop: 3.21, Hands: 984)
BB: $621.72 (VPIP: 24.68, PFR: 16.61, 3Bet Preflop: 7.69, Hands: 629)
UTG: $539.50 (VPIP: 19.35, PFR: 6.45, 3Bet Preflop: 0.00, Hands: 31)
MP: $530.89 (VPIP: 30.77, PFR: 20.51, 3Bet Preflop: 0.00, Hands: 80)
Hero (CO): $492.50

SB posts SB $2.50, BB posts BB $5.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $7.50) Hero has K 4 J Q

fold, MP raises to $17.50, Hero calls $17.50, fold, SB calls $15.00, BB calls $12.50

Flop: ($70.00, 4 players) K K J
SB checks, BB bets $50.00, MP calls $50.00, Hero calls $50.00, fold

Turn: ($220.00, 3 players) 2
BB bets $123.69, fold, Hero calls $123.69

River: ($467.38, 2 players) T
BB checks, Hero bets $301.31 and is all-in, BB calls $301.31

Hero shows K 4 J Q (Full House, Kings full of Jacks)
(Pre 44%, Flop 99.8%, Turn 100%)
BB shows J J Q 3 (Full House, Jacks full of Kings)
(Pre 56%, Flop 0.2%, Turn 0%)
Hero wins $1,067.00
PokerStars - $5 PL Hi FAST (6 max) - Omaha Hi - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: $1,403.27 (VPIP: 28.07, PFR: 17.83, 3Bet Preflop: 6.77, Hands: 503)
SB: $1,071.67 (VPIP: 21.82, PFR: 15.15, 3Bet Preflop: 5.26, Hands: 166)
BB: $566.41 (VPIP: 29.72, PFR: 17.35, 3Bet Preflop: 7.76, Hands: 1,384)
UTG: $1,400.55 (VPIP: 24.16, PFR: 14.48, 3Bet Preflop: 5.22, Hands: 912)
MP: $982.00 (VPIP: 26.11, PFR: 17.71, 3Bet Preflop: 8.31, Hands: 796)
Hero (CO): $560.98

SB posts SB $2.50, BB posts BB $5.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $7.50) Hero has 5 7 3 J

fold, fold, Hero raises to $17.50, fold, SB raises to $57.50, fold, Hero calls $40.00

Flop: ($120.00, 2 players) 2 3 7
SB bets $90.09, Hero raises to $188.18, SB calls $98.09

Turn: ($496.36, 2 players) 3
SB bets $493.36, Hero calls $315.30 and is all-in

River: ($1,126.96, 2 players) J
Players agreed to run it twice.

River #2: ($1,126.96, 2 players) Q

SB shows A 8 A 5 (Two Pair, Aces and Threes)
Board #1 (Pre 62%, Flop 24%, Turn 5%)
(Two Pair, Aces and Threes)
Board #2 (Pre 63%, Flop 24%, Turn 5%)

Hero shows 5 7 3 J (Full House, Threes full of Jacks)
Board #1 (Pre 38%, Flop 76%, Turn 95%)
(Full House, Threes full of Sevens)
Board #2 (Pre 37%, Flop 76%, Turn 95%)

Hero wins $561.98
Hero wins $561.98
PokerStars - $2 PL Hi FAST (6 max) - Omaha Hi - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: $199.00 (VPIP: 29.21, PFR: 17.98, 3Bet Preflop: 11.43, Hands: 90)
SB: $581.52 (VPIP: 29.82, PFR: 18.19, 3Bet Preflop: 9.69, Hands: 3,678)
Hero (BB): $434.19
UTG: $417.40 (VPIP: 32.97, PFR: 20.79, 3Bet Preflop: 10.26, Hands: 288)
MP: $205.73 (VPIP: 33.95, PFR: 18.82, 3Bet Preflop: 5.94, Hands: 277)
CO: $144.61 (VPIP: 23.41, PFR: 11.59, 3Bet Preflop: 5.59, Hands: 879)

SB posts SB $1.00, Hero posts BB $2.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $3.00) Hero has 6 K 7 K

UTG raises to $7.00, fold, fold, fold, SB calls $6.00, Hero raises to $28.00, UTG raises to $91.00, fold, Hero calls $63.00

Flop: ($189.00, 2 players) K Q 6
Hero checks, UTG checks

Turn: ($189.00, 2 players) J
Hero bets $186.25, UTG calls $186.25

River: ($561.50, 2 players) 4
Hero bets $156.94 and is all-in, UTG calls $140.15 and is all-in

Hero shows 6 K 7 K (Three of a Kind, Kings)
(Pre 38%, Flop 85%, Turn 83%)
UTG shows 4 3 A A (One Pair, Aces)
(Pre 62%, Flop 15%, Turn 18%)
Hero wins $839.05
PokerStars - $2 PL Hi FAST (6 max) - Omaha Hi - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: $168.50 (VPIP: 18.08, PFR: 10.73, 3Bet Preflop: 3.80, Hands: 181)
SB: $200.00 (VPIP: 29.09, PFR: 18.79, 3Bet Preflop: 10.14, Hands: 336)
BB: $206.54 (VPIP: 31.82, PFR: 18.18, 3Bet Preflop: 0.00, Hands: 22)
Hero (UTG): $211.00
MP: $663.25 (VPIP: 17.65, PFR: 11.76, 3Bet Preflop: 0.00, Hands: 17)
CO: $223.39 (VPIP: 30.00, PFR: 15.00, 3Bet Preflop: 7.14, Hands: 61)

SB posts SB $1.00, BB posts BB $2.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $3.00) Hero has 8 Q J T

Hero raises to $7.00, MP raises to $24.00, fold, fold, fold, BB calls $22.00, Hero calls $17.00

Flop: ($73.00, 3 players) Q 7 K
BB checks, Hero checks, MP checks

Turn: ($73.00, 3 players) 8
BB checks, Hero bets $48.00, MP calls $48.00, BB calls $48.00

River: ($217.00, 3 players) 2
BB checks, Hero checks, MP bets $214.25, fold, Hero calls $139.00 and is all-in

MP shows A A 2 T (One Pair, Aces)
(Pre 64%, Flop 55%, Turn 23%)
Hero shows 8 Q J T (Two Pair, Queens and Eights)
(Pre 36%, Flop 45%, Turn 78%)
Hero wins $492.25
PokerStars - $2 PL Hi FAST (6 max) - Omaha Hi - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: $203.63 (VPIP: 30.10, PFR: 17.80, 3Bet Preflop: 6.45, Hands: 316)
Hero (SB): $239.52
BB: $572.50 (VPIP: 30.77, PFR: 19.23, 3Bet Preflop: 9.38, Hands: 79)
UTG: $217.15 (VPIP: 28.11, PFR: 16.15, 3Bet Preflop: 6.88, Hands: 831)
MP: $289.42 (VPIP: 35.00, PFR: 17.32, 3Bet Preflop: 15.91, Hands: 183)
CO: $741.54 (VPIP: 28.57, PFR: 13.28, 3Bet Preflop: 4.29, Hands: 1,207)

Hero posts SB $1.00, BB posts BB $2.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $3.00) Hero has 7 8 J 9

fold, fold, fold, BTN raises to $7.00, Hero raises to $23.00, fold, BTN calls $16.00

Flop: ($48.00, 2 players) 2 9 6
Hero checks, BTN checks

Turn: ($48.00, 2 players) 5
Hero checks, BTN bets $34.20, Hero calls $34.20

River: ($116.40, 2 players) Q
Hero checks, BTN bets $113.65, Hero raises to $182.32 and is all-in, fold

Hero wins $340.95
PokerStars - $5 PL Hi FAST (6 max) - Omaha Hi - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: $1,909.23 (VPIP: 30.45, PFR: 18.66, 3Bet Preflop: 8.81, Hands: 1,535)
SB: $755.55 (VPIP: 28.97, PFR: 16.17, 3Bet Preflop: 4.79, Hands: 1,118)
BB: $372.50 (VPIP: 32.38, PFR: 21.16, 3Bet Preflop: 5.86, Hands: 1,423)
UTG: $711.10 (VPIP: 30.14, PFR: 20.27, 3Bet Preflop: 6.21, Hands: 373)
Hero (MP): $574.39
CO: $275.61 (VPIP: 37.14, PFR: 17.14, 3Bet Preflop: 5.00, Hands: 35)

SB posts SB $2.50, BB posts BB $5.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $7.50) Hero has T K 6 K

fold, Hero raises to $17.50, fold, BTN raises to $60.00, fold, fold, Hero calls $42.50

Flop: ($127.50, 2 players) 3 9 2
Hero checks, BTN checks

Turn: ($127.50, 2 players) K
Hero checks, BTN bets $105.00, Hero raises to $439.50, BTN calls $334.50

River: ($1,006.50, 2 players) 7
Hero bets $74.89 and is all-in, BTN calls $74.89

Hero shows T K 6 K (Three of a Kind, Kings)
(Pre 58%, Flop 42%, Turn 63%)
BTN shows 5 6 8 7 (Flush, Nine High)
(Pre 42%, Flop 58%, Turn 38%)
BTN wins $1,153.28
PokerStars - $5 PL Hi FAST (6 max) - Omaha Hi - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: $487.50 (VPIP: 33.33, PFR: 16.67, 3Bet Preflop: 0.00, Hands: 8)
Hero (SB): $462.67
BB: $619.71 (VPIP: 35.40, PFR: 21.95, 3Bet Preflop: 6.39, Hands: 489)
UTG: $674.71 (VPIP: 66.67, PFR: 50.00, 3Bet Preflop: 0.00, Hands: 6)
MP: $707.75 (VPIP: 0.00, PFR: 0.00, 3Bet Preflop: -, Hands: 1)
CO: $918.44 (VPIP: 39.29, PFR: 23.21, 3Bet Preflop: 0.00, Hands: 56)

Hero posts SB $2.50, BB posts BB $5.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $7.50) Hero has 7 A 6 J

fold, fold, fold, BTN raises to $15.00, Hero raises to $50.00, fold, BTN calls $35.00

Flop: ($105.00, 2 players) 7 T Q
Hero bets $68.12, BTN raises to $306.36, Hero raises to $412.67 and is all-in, BTN calls $106.31

Turn: ($930.34, 2 players) 2

River: ($930.34, 2 players) 8

Hero shows 7 A 6 J (One Pair, Sevens)
(Pre 59%, Flop 38%, Turn 23%)
BTN shows 6 8 T J (Two Pair, Tens and Eights)
(Pre 41%, Flop 62%, Turn 78%)
BTN wins $927.34

Threw the last one in for bonus spew factor #it'sactuallyprobablyclose.

I know I'll get the 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING PLAYING POKER' brigade storming in but my volume has been low and I've continued to grind low. As lovely as Manchester is there is a bunch of downtime and one of the things with stress and anxiety is to do things you like, I like playing some online poker.

[img]https://s12.************/4m78ak3z1/2_P2update.png[/img]forum image hosting

Outside of that I don't want to discuss my health too much. My dad thinks over analysing won't be good for improvement and I tend to agree. I haven't been feeling great to be honest but it'll be a long road back and that's a road I'm looking forward to walking - Hallmark card.

It appears a bunch of regs must read this as people have been shouting out to me in chat with nice messages and messages of support wishing me to get better so those of you who have done so you get a big thank you from me, much appreciated .

One health question I do have is does anyone have any experience with stress and anxiety natural supplements. I went to my local health store and the range seems pretty extensive. I have read and am interested in 5HTP, I think that others in poker have experimented with this and had good results. My worry is last time i took a serotonin medication I ended up in hospital thinking I had Serotonin Syndrome, I don't want this to be the case again, as pathetic as that sounds.

Anyway, hope all are well and happy grinding.

I just want to chime in and share that I had a very light version of what you're going through happen back in 2013 or so when I guess you could say I was the most active poker wise. I had worked long and hard to reach the point where the money starts feeling real, as in having 15k months on the reg with the normal monthly salary swings happening every day.

I was at peace with my life and had a good circle of friends but during poker intense periods I'd start having very weird issues. I could be comfortable and chilling with friends, having a beer when suddenly I would get the sensation of losing my balance followed by surges of adrenaline. I also started developing some issues with my stomach that interfered with my ability to have fun in social settings as I'd be in physical discomfort pretty often. Nothing dramatic but just always there and annoying as hell and for me these things soon formed something of a social anxiety, something I had never felt to any meaningful degree before.

It took a few years to really learn the patterns and realize that whenever I wasn't playing poker for a sustended period of time I'd start feeling normal again. I'm not going to pretend I have any answers or anything but my gut says the main culprit is the hormonal cocktail you get served while playing poker. Some seem to be better constituted to play in a good mood but for me I have never been able to escape the sensation of being under a lot of stress while grinding and it can't be a healthy state to spend a lot of time in. Social life, eating and excercising very well helps me but only to some extent and my fool proof solution has proven to be to just drop poker for whatever amount of time it takes to forget what playing poker feels like. Works every time unfortunately.

Anyway, I just really like your honest thread and felt like sharing that there are more people out there who have had some trouble leading a good life along with this (imo still pretty fun) game. Best of luck with your health developments.

Hey Brother.

Big love for the post.

Yeah what you've described there is absolute bang on the problematic symptoms I'm dealing with on a daily basis. Particularly in reference to eating out, digestive issues and then wanting to avoid those situations. Really limits the spectrum socially if we avoid these spots but similarly nobody wants to be out in public feeling rough so it's a real catch 22.

It's a tough spot as I love poker, it's always been profitable to me and I have really banished by gambling demons that hurt me so much last year so it's a shame to potentially drop it when I'm 'at the peak of my powers' so to speak. That said we only get the one life and we all ideally want it to be a healthy one so if I have to make any difficult decisions that's just what I'll have to do.

For some reason my link wasn't working.

Graph since being in Manchester: http://imgur.com/a/eMEqj

Bonus 2p2 posting run good graph from today: http://imgur.com/a/jN62X

Yo Yo.

Time for an update.

Poker - PLO - WHAT'S GOING ON

So I haven't played a great deal of poker lately. I have basically played zero live and a little bit of Stars. I played 1 hour of live poker actually in the past 2 weeks and I was able to book a £2k win on the back of coolering a good reg with AAxx v KKxx on AK98dd. However at the end of the hour I just decided to quit because I didn't feel 'right' at the table. Body was tense, had suffered 2 panic attacks earlier in the day etc and just felt like the best decision was quitting as opposed to battling on in what was an best an OK line up.

Stars I haven't played much interesting, a little 5card and mainly a few thousand hands of 1/2 where I basically won a bunch and then lost a bunch, pretty standard. I think that if I dedicated myself to it I would beat 1/2z pretty well (whatever bb/100 beating it pretty well is nowadays). I feel like I'm smart, aggro enough to be picking up pots many don't and I'm solid enough that my blue line isn't plummeting as a consequence. If my health did stop me being a live grinder for a while it's nice to know that's somewhat of a fallback. I played a few funky hands that I'll dig out at some point but in general people seem to like the posts where I bash out a few hand histories less than some of my written stuff. I did have one funny spot where I was grinding 1/2zoom and watching JimmyHat's stream on twitch. I wasn't particularly trying to be sharkey but more was just interested to look at Jimmy's game, which I've always assumed was just pretty tight. Whilst doing so he planted probably the worst beat anyone has this year.
PokerStars - $2 PL Hi FAST (6 max) - Omaha Hi - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: $648.56 (VPIP: 26.69, PFR: 16.86, 3Bet Preflop: 7.96, Hands: 694)
SB: $559.59 (VPIP: 20.32, PFR: 12.30, 3Bet Preflop: 6.10, Hands: 190)
BB: $205.08 (VPIP: 63.16, PFR: 15.79, 3Bet Preflop: 5.56, Hands: 38)
UTG: $200.00 (VPIP: 27.35, PFR: 14.96, 3Bet Preflop: 5.79, Hands: 237)
Hero (MP): $582.00
CO: $200.41 (VPIP: 33.57, PFR: 20.28, 3Bet Preflop: 10.77, Hands: 295)

SB posts SB $1.00, BB posts BB $2.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $3.00) Hero has Q Q 9 7

UTG raises to $7.00, Hero calls $7.00, CO calls $7.00, fold, fold, BB calls $5.00

Flop: ($29.00, 4 players) 6 J Q
BB checks, UTG checks, Hero bets $22.04, CO calls $22.04, BB calls $22.04, fold

Turn: ($95.12, 3 players) 2
BB checks, Hero checks, CO bets $92.37, fold, Hero raises to $369.48, CO calls $79.00 and is all-in

River: ($437.86, 2 players) T
Players agreed to run it twice.

River #2: ($437.86, 2 players) T

Hero shows Q Q 9 7 (Three of a Kind, Queens)
Board #1 (Pre 67%, Flop 85%, Turn 90%)
(Three of a Kind, Queens)
Board #2 (Pre 66%, Flop 85%, Turn 90%)

CO shows 8 Q 9 J (Straight, Queen High)
Board #1 (Pre 33%, Flop 15%, Turn 10%)
(Straight, Queen High)
Board #2 (Pre 34%, Flop 15%, Turn 10%)

CO wins $217.56
CO wins $217.55

Ouch.

Obligatory zoom isn't dead hand..
PokerStars - $2 PL Hi FAST (6 max) - Omaha Hi - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: $241.41 (VPIP: 23.65, PFR: 15.15, 3Bet Preflop: 7.37, Hands: 490)
SB: $539.27 (VPIP: 68.29, PFR: 19.51, 3Bet Preflop: 0.00, Hands: 43)
BB: $571.55 (VPIP: 38.46, PFR: 19.23, 3Bet Preflop: 7.14, Hands: 26)
UTG: $275.92 (VPIP: 31.66, PFR: 15.99, 3Bet Preflop: 5.07, Hands: 326)
Hero (MP): $716.06
CO: $199.00 (VPIP: 24.44, PFR: 17.78, 3Bet Preflop: 13.33, Hands: 45)

SB posts SB $1.00, BB posts BB $2.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $3.00) Hero has 4 J A A

fold, Hero raises to $7.00, fold, BTN raises to $24.00, SB calls $23.00, fold, Hero raises to $98.00, fold, SB calls $74.00

Flop: ($222.00, 2 players) 2 2 7
SB bets $219.25, Hero raises to $618.06 and is all-in, SB calls $222.02 and is all-in

Turn: ($1,104.54, 2 players) 3

River: ($1,104.54, 2 players) T

SB shows 4 J 5 A (One Pair, Twos)
(Pre 26%, Flop 33%, Turn 34%)
Hero shows 4 J A A (Two Pair, Aces and Twos)
(Pre 74%, Flop 67%, Turn 66%)
Hero wins $1,101.79

This one too gangster not to show...
PokerStars - $2 PL Hi FAST (6 max) - Omaha Hi - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: $203.59 (VPIP: 55.56, PFR: 25.00, 3Bet Preflop: 0.00, Hands: 37)
SB: $261.07 (VPIP: 34.18, PFR: 24.58, 3Bet Preflop: 10.96, Hands: 358)
BB: $193.00 (VPIP: 36.32, PFR: 19.26, 3Bet Preflop: 4.15, Hands: 462)
UTG: $729.87 (VPIP: 29.34, PFR: 16.90, 3Bet Preflop: 6.09, Hands: 1,927)
MP: $247.83 (VPIP: 39.76, PFR: 22.89, 3Bet Preflop: 5.70, Hands: 335)
Hero (CO): $199.00

SB posts SB $1.00, BB posts BB $2.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $3.00) Hero has A K T 9

fold, MP raises to $6.00, Hero calls $6.00, fold, fold, BB calls $4.00

Flop: ($19.00, 3 players) 6 5 6
BB checks, MP checks, Hero checks

Turn: ($19.00, 3 players) K
BB checks, MP checks, Hero bets $14.00, BB raises to $37.02, fold, Hero calls $23.02

River: ($93.04, 2 players) T
BB bets $90.29, Hero raises to $155.98 and is all-in, fold

Hero wins $270.87

I guess my plan going forward is to try and grind some live poker on the days I don't feel truly awful. I'll discuss it more below.

Health

So ever since I was hospitalised a few weeks a go due to some horrendous panic attacks I haven't been feeling very good. My body/mind, well mind really, is in a state of constant worry and panic. It's quite depressing. I find myself really just avoiding everything, if I do simple things, aka going to the park or even just going to the supermarket, these events inevitably end in me having panic attacks and overall that isn't very pleasant.

I went to see a psychiatrist, starting to get expensive all this now and he basically diagnosed me with having Neurosis. Not ideal.

Preliminary we've started me on some beta blockers 3 times daily in order to try and just chill my body out a little by squashing the adrenaline surges. The beta blockers do nothing in terms of affecting feeling anxious etc but they should stop the dreaded feeling of wanting your blood to jump out of your skin.

He said the good news is that my condition is entirely treatable and curable. It will basically involve committing to CBT for 12 weeks and see how we go from there. Therefore my plan would be to start that as soon as possible. I have two options of doing either on the NHS here in the UK (free) but likely facing a long wait or doing it with this guy I've been seeing for the consulations and that'd be £160 a session for 12 weeks but would start basically immediately. I'm unsure which route to take, I haven't really made any money for a while as I've essentially not been doing any grinding and have put in non existant live volume. However, it really makes life unliveable basically when you're at heightened panic all the time so fixing it sooner rather than later is definitely appealing.

Feel free to chuck in any opinions or thoughts

The Main Man - Will Kassouf

This has been a hot topic lately. Anyone who reads this and has played with me knows I'm quite a loud character at the poker table. However, my approach is generally to be a little more like Laak and Esfandiari, aka get the table banter going, make a bunch of jokes and generally try and commit to a good time. I rarely, if ever, talk to opponents during hands unless I think they're potentially bluffing river and then I have an annoying habit of speaking my thought process out loud.

I think having seen the coverage that the Kassouf speech plan was kind of fine. It's annoying sure and it's pointless when he doesn't have people responding obviously but I don't think he crossed any lines other than just being sort of an annoying plonker.

However, his stalling and constant time wasting should have been harshly punished. Just constantly make him sit rounds out when he's been abusing the tanking rule. Simple enough. If it's day 7 and he's having to sit out round after round of play you can be sure he'll start getting a move on when he takes his seat again. It may sound a little harsh that but what he was doing in terms of time wasting was entirely against the ethics and good of the game. It's really putting all the players at his table at a disadvantage. This shouldn't be allowed.

That said, I think Benger and co really come across awful at the end. I'll give Benger credit that I think his outburst was calculated in order to try and get Will to go all in with what he assumed was a much weaker hand. However, some of the stuff he said and particularly if he meant it was just ridiculous and he's embarrassed himself. Also to not shake the guys hand when he's just been knocked out of the main 6 from the money and he's had the class to go and shake all your hands is really classless behaviour. Any higher ground the likes of Niwinski thought they had over him prior to that went out the window with that act.

PLO100z > PLO200z in terms of toughness. Based on the chill 1k hands I played there earlier 😎

There's been an update up there.....get their attention.

Hey guys,

So I've been backed putting in a few live hours at the start of this week. Monday night was solid, played a really tight ABC style and made a few hands against the right opponents and booked and £8000 win.

Last night I was really disappointed in myself, I was cruising again, winning £5k or so and then got myself involved in some really avoidable spots. Ended up making a spewy bluff vs my housemate for a chunk and then got into a tough spot vs good reg that i'll discuss below. Ended doing a total reverse and finished the night -£5000.

All in all not a bad return to the live scene for the past 2 days, I think it's important that I just focus on being solid and I results should roll in nicely, a lot of regs around at the moment but the spew factor from nearly everyone has been really high. One downside I'm finding is that I'm still not feeling particularly great when leaving sessions, either the stress or the having to deal with the anxiety whilst sitting for hours on end is hurting the body a bit.

Pokeeerrrr Hands

So a little spot from last night:

Unopened to me on the btn and I make it £75 to got with A874hh. SB - good and solid reg, can bluff, can go thin for value - makes it £265 and folds back to us, we call.

Flop comes down AJ7cc. Not a bad flop, planning to check/call given stack depths. Villain goes ahead and bets £400 and we proceed with plan and call.

Turn comes down 5h. Board not AJ75cc, leaving us with two pair and a gutty. Villain bets £1k and now we have a tough spot. I think we can consider all 3 options. I think villain will barrel kinda wide here, he knows that I can float the flop reasonably wide in position. Jamming is an option but I think we either have him fold total air (albeit difficult to have total air here) or we are basically dead to a 6. Given that we have position I decide to take one off on the turn. So i call and we go to the river with £3.3k in there and villain has about that back.

River rolls off a Qx. So flush draw bricks and final board is AJ75Q. Not a great card. Villain tanks for a while and jams. I expect villain to check call the majority of his value hands here. We don't block K, J, or Tx but we also block no clubs. I think not blocking the broadway cards is pretty huge here and makes this a tough fold. In game I ended up calling, Villain has a history of being polarized in these spots and doesn't slow down too often.

result: we took a boning, he had AKT8 and hit the nuts on the river. I think the call is ok and it's gonna be close to a breakeven call overall vs this guy but I think our lack of relevant blockers to help our cause is a big factor here and a fold would have been prudent.

Sometime the complaints will be false

....and sometimes they won't be.

Health wise I've been seeing a psychiatrist at some Sloane Clinic in Chelsea. Anyone who lives in London can guess that this isn't too favourable on the old purse strings. He seems to be a good chap, old (love the old guys, the years of experience) and I like his approach. He's put me on a medication he thinks will do well for my mindset so I've been taking that and I'm interested to see how we go.

Outside of that I start my CBT therapy this time next week, which is huge. Anyone who's read up about anxiety and panic disorders will tell ya that this treatment is the most effective. I'm really looking forward to starting that and hopefully getting back on the path to being my former self.

I'm stuck a little bit at the moment with seeing poker as a trigger but also needed to grind. My finances are being sucked dry by this constant therapy, treatment etc and I have put such a small amount of hours in lately it sucks. I'll see how I go, if I start feeling truly awful I'll hold back but otherwise I'll just try and grind it out for the time being.

Play good y'all.

BigA.

Good to hear things are coming along well mate! A bit of run good at the tables wouldn't hurt though

fwiw I think you played that hand very well, river spot is super close for sure, a lot depends on villian tendancies, agree with having some blockers making a call a lot easier

Cheers brother, big love.

Hope you've been well, looks like you've been on some fun trips.

Yeah as long as my body/mind allows the grind should be some good profits on the horizon!

hahahahaha gold

Nice results these past few sessions! I havent been visting the Vic that much, but when I do go up for a look around the high stakes action has seemed very very good.

Hope things remain positive bud.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk