https://imgur.com/a/1VXcd

So this is how I started my PowerFest on Party (well, this is how the cash games went) and I didn't fair much better in the tourneys. Faded the $5k as I'm not rich enough/don't really know what i'm doing, bricked everything else including 2x bullets in the $530 $250k, the $215 main and some $109s I had running on the side. All in all a pretty stupid and painful day.

What happens to my body after days like this?

On a day like yesterday I could feel the adrenaline pumping hard all day. My step count was at a record low 680 steps for the whole day. My diet was ok on the day without being spectacular, in short I was over pumped, over stimulated and was losing large pots to Lars Luzak at a frequency that made my ECG look like my cash game graph.

Classically this ended with me suffering some fairly severe physical reactions in the night. I had excessive chest pain after lying down going to sleep, I wasn't overly concerned that it was heart attack related cos a) I'm 30 b) I've just come back from several cardiologist examinations where they were like hey idiot, your heart is good and c) well there just couldn't be that much run bad in one day right?

Anyway, it still wasn't pleasant but it could have been a number of things. Alongside the chest pain that would come in and out but was worryingly consistent I had my old friend the shakes return. The shakes are what they sound like, it's me, shaking, as if I'm having a mini seizure with my GF telling me everything is going to be ok whilst painstakingly asking me if I want water over and over. It's not very pleasant and it's probably the mind or body's way of saying slow the f*%& down you're gunning it too hard.

So with that in mind that'll likely signal the end of the Powerfest for me, the WCOOP isn't an option for me as I decided to self ban my Stars for a long time when they decided they wanted to f%&* every man, woman and child (above the age of 18, otherwise against TOS) under the sun. I guess I'll stick to what I do best, trying to beat a table of 8 men, women and animals who, like myself, hold 4 cards (some more gracefully than others) and punt around, splashing in chips and generally sit in chairs for 8 hours not really knowing what they're doing.

That leads us rather swimmingly into the most interesting part of the blog (said with the thinnest layer of sarcasm..) the live results:

31st August £5/10 PLO +£9000

Yes that's right, only one result, online poker taking up the majority of my time and in between the last post and this I spent most of my time in Lake Como in Italy @ a friends wedding and thusly had a nice break from poker and gambling.

I did have a slight missing result from the other day when I sat down in a £2/5 PLO game for a brief 10 minutes and lost like £400. This is a word of warning so others don't do what I did...

Whilst waiting for said £2/5 seat I stumbled across a $25/50 PLO game on my phone running on Party. I sat in just to see who it was running around and indeed there was a very big fish sat. In the half an hour waiting for my £2/5 seat I lost $18,000 and that was the driving factor behind me not wanting to play the £2/5 once the seat became available, fairly understandable most would agree. I sold half my action to a close friend and reader of this blog so personally the hit wasn't tooooo bad however result orientation aside I was unhappy with my choice to play after. Anyone who plays party will tell you this, the software is bad at the best of times, it's even worse on the phone and it's almost impossible to navigate and bet size correctly without running out of timebank. The open seat at the table was to the direct right of the fish who was now sat $13k deep, therefore me choosing to buy in for $10k probably wasn't wise. All in all it was a clustfck of decision making and one that ended up being very costly.

So that's it really, bad day, bad week, bad health but good vibes, I think I'll try and relax for the rest of the month, fish out some punishment at the Vic and I dunno try and be happy so that I don't consider suicide a viable option.

That's not how you treat close friends

Damn those swongz! Unlucky man but continue beasting that live felt!

Miserable but Surviving

My path into being a 'poker professional' was vastly different to most. The word professional is poignant here because my path into poker was eerily similar to the thousands of others. Into being a professional though I had the clear path, no struggle, no discipline, no notion of hard work. The moment I started getting backed for live poker I was thrust into a £50/100 PLO game in Macau. Before this the highest I had played regularly online/live was 2/4 euro.

I'm a gambling addict. - So you see this transition onto the golden path of poker was essentially a dream and a nightmare for someone who is a gambling addict. Here I was, thrust into playing for huge stakes. It was certainly enough to quench my thirst for the thrill, the buzz and the degeneracy. However, it was still taking a gambling addict and saying 'here you go, go and do what you do'. The advantage was they were trying to instil some discipline in me and they basically were saying that I could play so big there, that I would never have to mess around betting my own money.

Naturally with a gambling addict, having the one isn't enough. So what would happen in Macau? I'd roll up from having no money and beat the live games to get up having a big roll, then I'd sit Stars 10/20 25/50 etc and dust. Or I'd bet sports and I'd dust. It was a vicious circle. I'd still be in these great games though, so I'd never really crash and burn. I'd just sort of always have enough to live a high quality life and I'd always think what a good spot I was in because I could play these great games big all the time.

With this path no lessons are learnt. 5 years down the line and I continue to do the same. I play live, with a lot of swag, sit deep, crush and make a lot of money. People probably think I'm one of the richest guys in the game. On the side however, the demons continue to lurk. I win £40-100k in a short period playing live, I start playing the 25/50 online. I mean couple of buy ins at $25/50 online, there is probably a weak reg in the game, it's worthwhile, it's a buzz and it can satisfy my ego. The live guys laughing at me...'this guy, keep doing what you're doing, you're great action', of course I'm thinking 'sure I'm great action, but I can afford to be, I mean I'm still playing $25/50 online - I'm in the desert, it's a wonderful mirage.

The title of this blog - Miserable but Surviving - came from my girlfriend earlier today, to hear her describe me as that, the person who is closest to me, it's poignant, it hurts, it's very real.

There's a fallout from living this existence, it's not just financial either. Financially the brick wall is obvious, I mean essentially I'm just wasting time playing live, literally wasting man hours and health being sat in the seat. Sure I'm going to win most of the time and - at the risk of some serious flaming - the likelihood is I'm probably going to win the most. It's meaningless though, it's taking money out of one dying economy to stick in some other dying or unbeatable economy. Author's side note: So yesterday we were discussing a peer who made a lot of money in Ethereum, we're all jealous but we were discussing the true value of his portfolio and discussing what worth the money had when it was sat as Ethereum. I feel like my Vic winnings relate to that, the money is there, it kind of feels real but unless it can be used it becomes valueless.

Further fall out from this way of life includes: Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Poor Health, Poor Fitness, Negativity, Wrecklessness and so on and so on. My anxiety, my poor physical health can be attributed to this approach. Win £10k at the Vic, lose £10k on Sports, and Blackjack and to the online wizards and everything becomes irrelevant. Watch the football - what's the point? Irrelevant. Go on a date - what's the point? Irrelevant. Go home and see the family - what's the point. Irrelevant. It's pretty ****ing sad isn't it.

I want it to be known that this isn't a cry for help. Please don't flame me in that way or treat it as such. One writing their own blog is a form of narcissism and I ask that if you're reading this up to here (congratulation you're in the 2%) then you just appreciate that I'm simply putting my thoughts onto some medium.

I don't know what the future holds for me from this point onwards, I'd warrant a guess that it's fairly uninspiring.

For those that care (I mean why should you, when I don't):

September 4th £5/10/25 PLO +£7175

September 5th £5/10/25 PLO +£7150

September 7th £5/10/25 PLO -£5000

Is it possible for you to JUST play live PLO and then instead of gambol your winnings, maybe find a different hobby? Or have you tried that?

^^^
It's not as easy for some as it is for others. You're walking into a casino and if you're a gambling addict think of how many temptations you have to walk past before you get to the cardroom.

Of course. And tbh I have no idea what it's like to actually want to play blackjack or Any other table games. Seems utterly unappealing to me but then again so does heroin.

But OP, imo it looks really simple (coming from a perspective that really doesn't know how hard it is for you at all)... Just play PLO at the Vic, uninstall Stars, and spend your free time doing bonsai or some ****???? Idk ;s

I'm not a huge degen myself but I have one university friend who snap punts everything into sports and roulette etc.

I chatted with him curious about why and I wanted to try and get him back on track.

I too responded with the, just uninstall x ban y etc. But as he (correctly) said to me, there's always something to spew money on, there's always that one more site which opens up even if you've banned yourself from the others, as HU said the stuff you walk past on your way to the poker room.

From the outside it seems like the easiest and most logical thing is to just follow the simple steps and only do one thing but it's not that easy.

Again I tried to suggest that even if he keeps punting when he has certain amounts of money he should snap but that new tennis Racquet or graphics card he wanted so he would have something at least tangible but again in the moment it's hard to quantify the money, it's either a number on a screen or the chips in front of you.

It's always been hard for me around him because his situation is worse than any other one I've seen, it's hard to watch someone be a huge degen and feel like you can't do much, I try and offer for him to play in our home game or come over when he's being a degen so he doesn't end up in that black whole of degenerate loneliness (I imagine that could be the worst part).

I think a big thing I've taken away is that life is just difficult in so many different ways, I know many who look at people who've been somewhat successful or have money and say they don't understand how tough life really is but it's just total bull****, if anything things like suicide affect those more in the upper echelons. On top of that when you add in the false fronts of everyone pretending that their life is amazing it makes everything that much worse.

Anyway OP, whilst I can't offer any help, I can relate to your problem as an outsider and I wish you well, I would say a definite positive is you being able to still have an open and honest dialogue on this thread, whilst it's far from a cry for help I feel that if everything was bottled in it the situation would be even bleaker.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yeah must be real tough. :S

free image hosting services

Been balancing time between playing live and playing some big games on Party this month. It's been pretty time consuming and as a result I've cut down my live volume as a result, which probably hasn't been that wise as 10/25 has been back running everyday. Online volume is obviously low because the high games a) don't run particular often and b) tend to break very fast based on when whomever the regs want to play with leaves. I've been table starting at times but no one seems super interested and if I do it's usually me and a mixture of Lautie, Bullitos, Fjutek, Berri or mfcking Lars (who I can't beat in an all in for love nor money). So naaatttt ideal opponents to battle vs.


free image hosting services

It was my old pal Moseley's wedding at the weekend and seeing him again perhaps ignited the salesman in me. Here I'm trying to persuade Rob to let me into the big game, perhaps I could be less transparent next time (aficionado's will notice that GTO TT92 SB peel...:O ). Party support staff are always telling me to contact this Rachel woman (her skype pic suggest she's a solid 7/10, wp Party) to try and get in but I guess I must be too much of a giant pigeon as she's never responded to my requests (requests to get in the game before anyone calls the police).

Live Poker -

Like I said earlier the live games have certainly been alive and fiery lately and it's been damn refreshing to see. I've been running it once all week because we have a Finnish player in town who runs it once so I've been doing so as a dedication to that fine man. 'Mikko Inspired Run It Once-athon' - it's a great cause - except for the bankroll.

I'd say the quality of my live play has been about 2/10 lately. I've been having huge swings in between sessions - based on the back of being wildly too aggressive - and have been pinched a bit as a result.

Monday 11th Sept £10/25 PLO +£4975

Tuesday 12th Sept £10/25 PLO -£9700

Wednesday 13th Sept £10/25 -£11500

Friday 15th Sept £10/25 PLO +£3225

Monday 18th Sept £10/25 PLO +£900

So nothing too bad but taken a small pasting on that hallowed live felt lately. With these £10/25s going daily I think I'll probably lay off the online for a while and get back to causing some punishment in the Vic. I find the balance of playing both incredibly difficult and just play way too loose live when I've had online coursing through my veins.

No PLO fans out there . Perhaps time for another end.

plo plo plo plo ....

PLOOOOOOOOO vamooo

i see you around BigAisaOK.

It is not the end so we must gogoogogogogogogoogogogogo.


I play plo100 6-max.

I hit quads vs someone's top full.

3 hands later, i have top full AAxx and he has quads.

The Poker Gods are just, BigAisa.

Don't you forget that....

Here, my friend:

Just for you.

we are reading, just keep writing plz best pgc in the whole forums imo

I read every update sometimes multiple times , rooting for you man!

+1

Many PLO fans and many BigAsiaOK fans out there!

As a fellow PG&C'er, I've noticed pretty much no-one comments, but a lot lurk and just read updates. Keep it up bud you got gold here.

It's the nature of PGC really mate. There are loads of people reading though! I for one love your updates

One of the best threads in here! Much love <3<3<3

@BigAsia
What's your stop loss for live games?

Cheers Tute, very kind words!

Thanks Tread.



Thanks Grim.

Yep, I was just sort of being lonely/kidding around last night but it's always nice to have those who read acknowledge for motivation!

My man Ben. The love is mutual brother. I still owe you some beers for the off the cuff mental game training you've given me at times.

Thanks Salmo!

Hi Verdant, it would depend on the size of the game to be honest. In London we don't often/rarely play a game big enough that I'm overly concerned about stop loss. As as rule of thumb at 10/25 it'd probably be £20k but have been fortunate enough to not hit that this year.

Any luck getting in the Trickett games?

No sadly not. Rob never replied on that table and party staff always tell me to contact a 'Rachel heneghan' on Skype who has also never responded.

TBH it's playing so big/crazy that I'd likely be heavily pieced out to the point it wouldn't be that much of a shot for me, it'd be fun to play all those crazy guys though.

I'm totally guilty of reading and not often commenting in PGCs, which is somewhat ironic as it's the main thing that made me give up on my own. But this thread is absolute gold, so please don't give up on it. Your candidness is pretty amazing to me, and it's great to see how far you've come in the past 18 months or so.

Keep up the great work, we all appreciate it, even if we're too lazy to say so most of the time.