May Recap + Goals Going Forward
Online looks decent but between bricking everything under the sun SCOOP wise and getting my ass handed to me in 5card games I probably ended up down $40-45k or so. Pretty savage month, didn’t play well for a ton of it and it shows in the back end of the graph. I think my A game absolutely destroys zoom but I barely use it and I think zoom is a waste of time for me. My plan going forward will be to try and play less of it. I won’t be continuing in the big 5card games because my confidence is too low, my heart is too weak, my money is too dwindling and my backing is too buried.
Live went fine on the the occasions I played. I’ve played really awfully the past few sessions and that’s been a drop back from having such an awful SCOOP and not really caring. That mixed with the fact that I really hate live poker, I hate the Vic and London even more and everyone is so mind numbingly terrible that I can barely adjust myself to sitting in the seat for all those hours without thinking ‘where the living f*** did I go so amazingly wrong in life?’. I mean beating live poker except for the highest of stakes (aka the SHRB or the big games in Macau) is just not an achievement. If we are to take it as one then it is merely an achievement of mediocrity, alas we weren’t able to do anything else in our lives so we’ve mastered being able to sit in chair for 6-8 hours a session and not doing anything entirely ******ed (for the most part).
So what now? Vegas right?
I’m booked to fly to Vegas on the 7th June. My schedule is basically every PLO event with the exception of the $25k, ironically the $25k will likely be softer than the $10k, but I’m too bowl and too busto to contemplate firing it and my confidence lies at a level that’d have be doubting my ability to beat a live 1/2 cash game never mind a high stakes tournament filled with the world’s best (and worst). I will be playing all the small ones though and the $10k, the $10k I’ll likely be neutral to slightly small loser depending on the pre tournament work I do. In the smaller ones I should have a significant edge and will enjoy the fact that they should be stress free and probably full of some interesting characters.
I guess in between tournaments the idea will be to play cash but I’m so buried in make up that the idea of playing $10/25 on my days off in between tournament Omaha makes me as exciting as going to the doctors and being told I’ve got herpes. Given I never hook up with any women I would have to guess I contracted the herpes licking a toilet seat whilst overdosing on my daily medication. If I bink a tournament or if I regain my composure (‘we’ve got to keep our composure!’ Will Ferrell, Old School) then I’ll be in the Bellagio trying to beat a $25/50+ selection of games that I’ll convince myself and my backer that I have an edge in whilst probably losing at about 2bb per hour.
Outside of Poker life is good, I live at home on my own and barely ever go out (in London). I contemplate doing exercise daily before usually giving up the idea in order to eat takeaway food instead. Logic is warped and I believe doing the exercise carries an inherently larger possibility of either death or injury when it reality eating the junk food every meal is probably slowly edging me towards poor health and an early and painful death. I did go to Holland on the weekend and had a great time, was good to get out of London and just be in a more slow paced, chilled environment. Was even better to hang out with my lifelong friends from Manchester and feel a vague sense of happiness that is all to often not present.
Leading up the Vegas I’ll be trying to work on my game so that perhaps some confidence returns. I’ll be trying to upset and piss off my backer a hell of a lot less than I have been doing in order to retain my ‘job’. In reality I’m sure I would have been dropped but a concoction of him being a really good guy/me being buried in some amount of make up that he’d rather me clear than just to write off has kept me on the roster.
I need to work on my physical health for sure in order to be prepared for the long days and gruelling grind on the RIO tournament grind. That said after reading this back it’s probably just as important that I continue to work on improving my mental health which appears to be slipping towards an all time low. Meditation will be paramount as will be improving my current sleeping pattern and schedule that has been going to bed as the sun comes up and then wake shortly after, not optimal.
I haven’t decided whether I’ll be updating this during the series or not, truthfully right now I don’t really want to go to the series but know what I should given everything is booked and paid for. If updating this helps with my motivation then I’ll do so. Watch this space, I have a good feeling I’ll be bringing back a bracelet….
…it’s just that it’ll be from Tiffany’s and it’ll be a present for my mum.