This is fast becoming a really interesting pgc.

Not running well at all—>12bb

12bb feels bad haha

Thanks man, appreciate it .
Stop it, first you flame me all day on the tables and now here aswell.

This is more what I was aiming that comment towards:

Been fun battling you

Really hope your CBT can give you some support

Good luck

Thanks man! Hoping it will work myself aswell .
The battling for sure has been fun for YOU.

So here is an update of the past 2 days:

Been playing a lot of hands, not really going well to be honest haha.
Alot of insane swings in my sessions and I literally cant win a flip, but its oke I've run a bit over EV in the past aswell. The joy of winning flips is just not compareable to the pain of the losses unfortunalely.

Graph 2 days:


500z graph of april:


Also almost had a daysaving score in MTT today, but couldn't close it out.



Feels like I'm getting close to a massive upswing, so I'm excited to grind again tomorrow.

Won a random hyper I played haha.

Past 2 days, I only managed to put in 2k hands of 500z.
I am really not feeling like playing alot atm, which doesn't happen often at all.
I'm just messing around all day playing like 2 tables of MTT's/zoom and nothing is really happening.
I don't know if its something I should be worried about, but I assume its just temporary and I'll be back playing alot again soon.
I saw they released a scoop schedule, which means next month will be a sick grind and I'm already looking forward towards that.

Graph 2 days:


Decided I'll be playing max 200bb deep until I feel more confortable about really deepstacked play. I think thats something I'm not good enough at yet for 500z.
Rebuying at 200bb is an easy solution I guess haha.

Also cashed the monday 6max yesterday and the triple threat today for around $1k each. Which means I'm pretty close to getting completely out of the downswing.

Lekker bezig jongeee!

Really happy to see your progress nit_ana, i mean nathana :P

I'm sorry to hear that, and saddened to hear about your mental-health issues as I know your pain. I went through the diagnostic procedure quite recently but did receive a diagnosis of autism at the end of it all. Do you mind giving a bit more information on the diagnostic procedure in your country?


Over here it is an extremely thorough process. There were initial preliminary questionaires that both me and my mum had to fill out. Based on those prelims we were invited in for a sit down interview. There were several therapists there asking questions and taking detailed notes, and the interview lasted for 3-4 hours. It was rigorous. I also had my mum and my sister-in-law there with me. My dad should've been there too tbh. After that interview the two therapists took their findings to a wider team to make a decision. I also believe we gave names of teachers and people from the past, so it's possible they may have contacted some more people for extra information.


I'm not sure what % of people who take the prelim are called in for a full diagnostic procedure, but I was told after I was diagnosed that about 35-40% of people who meet the prelim criteria and go through the full process are told that they do not meet the criteria for ASD diagnosis.


When I was reading your opening post talking about social-anxiety and mental-health, it felt like I could've been the one writing it. (apart from the poker success which is something I've never been able to attain)


The reason I apologised about the non-diagnosis is that, from personal experience, being diagnosed was the greatest relief and has allowed me to be a bit less hard on myself. I suppose I'd always suspected that I had caused myself to be the way I am by making terrible decisions in my teens and early twenties. It was only in later years I began to suspect ASD. Whilst I certainly haven't helped myself over the years with decisions I've made, the diagnosis, if nothing else, at least allows me to be more forgiving and kind to myself, knowing that I have an "innate" disorder/disability that is the root cause of many of my issues, regrets and failures. I would've been devastated if they had told me what they told you.

somehow makes me think of my sister in law who has a son with ADHD and whenever he does something wrong she says it's because of ADHD so she has no control over it, I think it's ******ed to think this way but what do I know

no idea why people fear failure, you can only have success through failure

Thanks man!

Thanks dude, no one can get close to your level of punting mate .

Thanks for the nice comment!
The screening I've had was extremely indepth aswell. All the things you've listed about the screening I've had aswell.
Obviously I think they know what they are talking about, but the reason they said I wasnt autistic is because I'm to good at speaking with people.
I don't agree with that at all, because I know how to answer people when they ask me a question. If I have to speak/ask someone anything, I just don't have a clue how to do that and generally I just won't do it.

I also blame myself alot on the problems I'm having at the moment.
The fact that I win alot of money the past couple of months, made that alot less but I still feel like I'm only trying to prove people I can do something, rather than actually being happy/proud about my success so far.

The reason I want to get a diagnosis is because I want to know where the **** I need to go to improve my life. In the past 6-7 years I have tried over 5 different ways to get better mentally, spoke to over 15 different psychs etc. I would never blame problems on something I have been diagnosed with.

Not that I'm seeking to supplant the idea that you're on the spectrum when you may very well not be, and have been told as much by qualified professionals, but I also can't help but wonder that, given the fact that you're clearly a very bright individual is it not possible that your intelligence is allowing you to very effectively mask your symptoms in certain areas?

I'm no expert on autism, in fact other than my own personal experience I don't know a great deal at all, but what you're saying here fits in with my own experience of autism coupled with average+ IQ. You are able to "blend in" in certain areas (responding to people) yet have a complete, hard-to-explain blind spot in another closely related area. (having to speak to people)



It sounds to me like you're taking a great deal of positive steps to make your life better and to relieve you of the pain you're in. You should be a lot kinder to yourself, I know from experience that self-hate is worse than anything any other person can throw your way.

I can totally relate to how you view poker too. Apart from wanting to avoid having to interact with people in the real world, a huge reason I chose to pursue poker was because I just wanted to prove to all those people who doubted me and ridiculed me in the past that I wasn't the person they believed me to be, and that I did actually have some value. I never really had a great love for the game or the competition.

I suppose the idea of wanting to prove a point always made it harder to fail because I took losses and setbacks deeply personally. Looking back now it's really sad and tragic that I used to think that way, and to a certain extent still do.



I think Xenoblade's post was more aimed at my previous post than you mate. He has a point though, a diagnosis shouldn't be used as a crutch and an excuse, something I've been guilty of over the past 6 months.

On the other hand I think he could've made that point in a nicer way.

Any news? GL

in for 500k+ month during scoops

If you want to fix your social anxiety don't go to a psychiatrist or psychologist. I went to a bunch for 10 years in my teens and all they want to do is talk about it and give you drugs. I have heard cognitive behavioral therapy helps but I don't think what they do is as focused as what I've used. Neuroplastic training is what you want. Meditation and affirmations, rewire your brain for new emotional habits.

You have too look at your emotions just like muscle, the ones that you work will be stronger then the ones that you don't work. With anxiety you have the fear muscle that is on steroids, you use meditation to stop the anxiety on the spot and affirmations as the training field akin to lifting weights for you muscles.

All the other stuff recommended in this thread is kind of a joke other then WIm Hof method, Wim Hof method is a beast! CBD you need to keep on relying on a drug to help you.


FWIW anxiety parallels a lot of autism symptoms, I've read autism symptoms like wtf that me! I can jump thru the social hurdles too well tho unless my anxiety is spiking, then I just turn into a blockhead.

in

saw OP in the 100z streets yesterday

confirmed broke

Spend them wel :-)

What's up with this thread? Any updates or OP decided to quit?

I will make a proper update later tonight!

Thanks alot !


So basically as you can guess this was the first month where everything is going terrible..
Cash hasnt been fun, lost quite a bit at 500z this month and now I'm basically just playing 100 and 200nl 8tables to rebuild it. I do really like playing the 8 tables, and that has been going well aswell.



At the same time the tournaments have been tragic aswell, I can't even count the amount of top 20 finishes I've had in big tournaments, but I just couldn't get to the top places where the big money is made..

Overall I've lost around $25k this month, but I'm really confident I will make it all back+more in the upcoming month. I'll be going really hard in may and just go in with a clear mond again!

You Will recover ! GL in may !


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