I've come close to updating this thread probably 20 times within the last 8 months and the general outlook would have been different each and every single time. Some of the updates could have been somewhat positive, others would have been very negative. My mental state has been relatively poor for a while now and frustratingly whenever it seems to be improving something happens and I feel like I'm knocked back to the start again. I do feel strangely fortunate that despite this, I'm able to recognise that things could be so much worse which helps to provide some perspective.
I've had a few small light bulb esque moments recently and am now somewhat optimistic for the first time in a long time, so I guess the fact that I'm posting this update now is the life equivalent of people only updating their PGC when they're winning. I guess I've mainly realised that things will only improve if I take steps to improve them, and the onus is entirely on me, and only me. My mind has always worked in a pessimistic/glass half full manner but for the first time it's nice to come to the thought of 'look how much progress/improvement I can make' rather than 'look how bad things currently are.'
I'm not really sure of the role poker is going to play for me going forward. One of the main aspects of poker that appeals to me is the freedom it can provide to do work whenever you like, from wherever you like. I really enjoy playing poker but I don't have the deep all consuming desire needed to play professionally, particularly online. I can go days without feeling a desire to play, or without really thinking about poker. I really enjoy playing live poker which I guess is in in large part due to the social aspect, as well as the obvious reality that it is simply much easier than online. I doubt anyone who reads this will have played with me but if they had I'd like to think they would attest that I'm fun to play with and a friendly, enjoyable person to have at the table, despite likely being an obvious winner. I like to joke around a lot while I'm playing and think I do a good job of creating a fun environment to play in, unlike a lot of young regs. Despite the obvious fact that this does lead to a higher hourly, it's simply the way I maximise my enjoyment (and I'd like to think others too) at the table. Whilst significant to me, the money I can make in a live 1/2 game will never be enough to force me to sit at the table when I don't want to be there. However, this does cap my potential earnings significantly, especially living in London where you'll struggle to ever find higher than a relatively reggy 2/5. Pre covid I was quite seriously considering trying to live a more nomadic lifestyle as one of my favourite things to do is travel, however I don't think it's possible for me to live this lifestyle purely off of poker. On top of my full time job, I played 490 hours of live poker between November and March, making £8500. In a post covid world I would like to maintain a similar amount of hours (~90-100 p.m.) but for the time being, besides some very small volume at 25z/50z online I don't think I'll be playing particularly much. I can easily put in a 12 hour session of live poker whereas online, I struggle to play beyond 90 minutes.
I have some idea of the lifestyle I would like to live, and poker will for sure play a part of it, but I'm sort of at a crossroads now career wise. I don't have any real desire to play for a living and have no desire to work in Finance again so I have some thinking to do going forward. I'm not sure if/when I'll update this thread again. Truth be told, I didn't really have much of a plan for this post and I've wrote considerably more than I expected to which has been helpful getting some thoughts in my head down on paper.
I hope anyone who reads this is doing well and has printed during the top notch covid games. It's a pretty bleak situation out there but at least an improved online landscape has been some small solace from that.
